#Ryo #RoninWarriors

What was that?
Well, that was Indians Cowboy Slim.
No that wasn't! That just the guy that hangs the lights and he's wearing some dumb costume! #CowboyWho

Today's links

• Delusion as a service: Destructive diagnostics.
• Hey look at this: Delights to delectate.
• Object permanence: Gay Days at Disney World; Parametric 3D printable key; Fine against sculpture for "storing bike on public property"; TPP is a wash; Reagan was Trump; Steampunk roadster; "Every Heart a Doorway"; Shoplifters x Tumblr; Amazon v mass arbitration; Driver-owned Uber alternative; Censorware censors criticism of censorware; 3 strikes copyright termination is illegal; Replacing al Qaeda bomb recipes with cakes; $10m grilled cheese platform; Dick van Dyke x Bernie; Efficiency is inefficient; I quit.
• Upcoming appearances: Kansas City, LA, Menlo Park, Toronto, NYC, Edinburgh, South Bend.
• Recent appearances: Where I've been.
• Latest books: You keep readin' em, I'll keep writin' 'em.
• Upcoming books: Like I said, I'll keep writin' 'em.
• Colophon: All the rest.

Delusion as a service (permalink)

In 2003, Disney opened a new Epcot ride, "Mission: Space." Formally, it was a space travel sim that used a giant, high-intensity centrifuge to simulate gee stresses; practically, it turned out to be the most efficient machine ever created for surfacing previously undiagnosed heart defects in extremely dramatic and potentially lethal ways.

It turned out that a small number of people have these heart defects, and that the defects themselves are quite harmless, provided that you are never put in a giant, high-intensity centrifuge. Given that most of us will never be put in one of these centrifuges, it is quite possible to live your whole life without ever knowing that you have this lurking vulnerability. But once you build one of these machines and start shoving millions of people through it, you're bound to catch some of those rare people, and they will have cardiac episodes that are scary at a minimum, and are at the worst fatal.

For me, the lesson isn't that Disney did something wrong by building a giant cocktail shaker for human bodies. I'm not a thrill-ride guy, but lots of people like 'em and the machines themselves are benign for nearly everyone who puts their bodies into them.

Rather, I think the lesson here is that there are rare pathologies lurking in all of us, vulnerabilities that may never surface – until we come into the presence of a novel stimulus that unlocks them.

There's an analogy here to technology debt: technologically unsophisticated people think of software as a machine that never wears out and has no incremental usage costs (apart from electricity). In this framing, software is the perfect asset, one that never depreciates. But the reality is that software is a liability, not an asset:

https://pluralistic.net/2026/01/06/1000x-liability/#graceful-failure-modes

Software exists in a system, and while software might function perfectly under the conditions in which it is first created and deployed, there are continuous changes to all the technology that is upstream, downstream and adjacent to the software, which means that systems that are robust and secure at the time of deployment can become brittle and dangerous, even though the software doesn't change at all:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/04/24/automation-is-magic/

There's another analogy here, to utopianism. A "utopia" can't just be a place where everything works perfectly. Even the most well-functioning, orderly and prosperous system is beset on all sides by exogenous shocks: belligerent neighbors, tsunamis, zoonotic plagues, even asteroid strikes. You don't perfect your society just by making it work well. You have to make it fail well. A utopia isn't a society where nothing goes wrong – it's a society where things go wrong all the time, but we're able to fix them:

https://www.wired.com/2017/04/cory-doctorow-walkaway/

The point being that things that work fine may still fail badly when they are exposed to unanticipated external stimuli, and the one thing we can absolutely anticipate is that the future will have many unanticipated stimuli in it.

If Mission: Space is a machine for surfacing unsuspected anatomical vulnerabilities, the internet is a machine for surfacing and exploiting all kinds of unsuspected psychological vulnerabilities. Note that I'm not claiming that the internet drives everyone crazy – rather, that the internet can locate and exacerbate vulnerabilities, including vulnerabilities that might have lain dormant for your whole life, but for the fact that the internet exposed you to such a wide spectrum of stimuli.

This wide, internet-delivered spectrum of stimuli is mostly good. The internet can expose you to art, culture, ideas and people that you would never have run into in the pre-internet days, which end up enriching you in a million ways. Some of my best friends are internet friends. Some of the music and books I love most in the world were brought into my orbit by the internet. Many of my most ardently held beliefs were acquired through internet-based discussion.

All that is true, and it's true that the internet can one-shot you with a stimulus that makes you feel very bad, which you would never have encountered in a pre-internet world. The spectrum of stimulus in the whole wide world is very broad, and one person's innocuous distraction is another person's downfall.

Let's make this concrete. All throughout history, people have suffered from paranoid delusions. These can be ruinous, isolating you from friends and family, destroying your professional life and so on. Paranoid delusions often take on details from the sufferer's milieu: if you live in a society where evil witches are accepted as a fact, then witches might well creep into your delusions, too. If your society is all a-chatter about the NSA's mass internet surveillance, then your delusions might incorporate elaborate narratives about the NSA's use of the internet to target and torment you, personally.

So there will always be a "local character" to the paranoid delusions, grounded in the sufferer's era and location. But the internet adds a new, very bad dimension to this dynamic: the internet makes it much easier for deluded people to find each other. Paranoid delusions are – thankfully – rare, and in the absence of the internet, you might never encounter another sufferer.

But thanks to the internet, sufferers can form communities that reinforce their delusions, with disastrous consequences. Take "Morgellon's Disease," the paranoid delusion that you have wires growing under your skin. Morgellon's sufferers pick at their skin, creating open sores, which form a sticky trap for random bits of fluff and loose threads that sufferers interpret as evidence of these "wires." It's a horrible mental illness, and it's hard enough to treat even in the absence of the internet (the name "Morgellon's Disease" refers to a 17th century case-report).

But when you add the internet to Morgellon's, you get online communities where people suffering from the delusion help each other come up with rationales to explain away the disconfirming evidence that they get from therapists and loved ones who are trying to help them recover. These communities egg each other on, isolating their members from treatment.

There are lots of pathological mental conditions that the internet can supercharge, from "pro-ana" communities that encourage eating disorders to communities for people with pedophilic urges that attempts to normalize and justify acting on those urges.

But it's especially bad for paranoid delusions, such as "gang-stalking delusion," which is the delusional belief that nearly everyone you meet is part of a conspiracy to torment you. People with GSD see evidence of this conspiracy in the lyrics of random songs, snatches of overheard conversations, the phrasing of bus-shelter ads, and the sort-order of search engine results:

https://pluralistic.net/2026/03/12/normal-technology/#bubble-exceptionalism

It's a near-totalizing belief, and sufferers find it hard to recover because their delusion tells them that the therapists and family members who try to help them are in on the conspiracy.

Then we add in the internet, and with it, the ability to locate and join communities of other GSD sufferers. Do this, and your delusions need not be limited to your own imaginative capacity to find conspiratorial explanations of the random things you find in the world. Now you are part of a kind of delusional improv troupe, whose members "yes-and" your delusions, finding new ways to terrorize you and alienate you from your surroundings.

This is bad enough when it's a regular conspiratorial community, one that feeds on trauma, like Qanon or anti-vax communities whose members have been failed by the system, making them susceptible to conspiratorial accounts of how society really runs.

But the combination of conspiratorial communities with the kind of mental illness that causes conspiratorial beliefs to surface in your mind without any external stimulus creates a brutal positive feedback loop that spins faster and faster until the people trapped in it are flung off into space.

Which brings me to AI and "AI psychosis," the social phenomenon that sees people falling down chatbot-assisted rabbit holes that convince them that they have invented perpetual motion, uncovered the secrets of the universe, or – in some tragic instances – that they should kill themselves and/or others.

For someone with GSD or another paranoid delusion or pathological belief, AI provides a reinforcement system that is even more efficient than these online communities. If you have GSD and your loved ones have finally got you wondering if you should get treatment, you don't have to post on a forum and hope that someone else comes along before you give in to the impulse to get help. Your delusional chatbot co-pilot is always there to tell you that it's a trap.

The nature of "AI psychosis" is hotly contested. The big question, of course, is whether chatbots are giving people delusions, or whether chatbots are amplifying those delusions:

https://www.cbc.ca/listen/cbc-podcasts/1353-the-naked-emperor/episode/16218103-e3-ai-psychosis

I think it's both. I think that, for people with GSD or other delusional beliefs, AI provides delusional reinforcement as a service, on tap, 24/7. The combination of a delusion and a machine that will tirelessly play yes-and with you at any time, demanding nothing from you, is a novel and terrible development for people with some mental illnesses.

But I also think that chatbots are a bit like Mission: Space: a machine for surfacing previously undiagnosed psychological vulnerabilities, and that in some cases, these vulnerabilities may never have been triggered, save for the chatbot.

Just as doubtlessly there were people who had pathological relationships to gambling before the development of slot machines, scratch-and-wins and roulette wheels, but there are also people who might have lived their whole lives without ever having a gambling problem except that they encountered one of these machines, exposing billions of people to sycophantic chatbots has surfaced rare, latent vulnerabilities that might have stayed latent forever, with terrible consequences.

Most people who rode the original Mission: Space had a fantastic time. But a lot of people rode that ride, and a very small percentage of a very large number of people can still be a substantial number, and as the reports of people stepping off the ride, clutching their chests and collapsing spread, Disney understood that they had to retool the ride. Today, riders on Mission: Space choose whether they want to ride on a simulator that spins, or one that merely tilts and pitches without simulating gee-stresses. And even if you pick the spicier version of the ride, it goes more slowly and exerts less stress than the original ride.

Even if you accept the AI companies' argument that they aren't inducing AI psychosis in their users, but rather, only surfacing latent vulnerabilities that were there all along, that shouldn't be the end of the story. Even if only a small percentage of the people who use your product experience harm as a result, if your product is intended for widespread deployment (as chatbots are), you will end up harming a lot of people unless you take measures to counteract even those rare events.

Hey look at this (permalink)

• Hell is other people – so billionaires are using AI to replace them https://www.thenerve.news/p/cory-doctorow-column-ai-inconvenient-humans-billionaires-sam-altman-bezoz-migrants

• The Manhattan Institute Helped Kill DEI. Now It’s Coming for Protests https://www.wired.com/story/the-manhattan-institute-helped-kill-dei-now-its-coming-for-protests/

• Remote Work Leaves Younger Workers Sidelined https://libertystreeteconomics.newyorkfed.org/2026/06/remote-work-leaves-younger-workers-sidelined/

• Zerowriter https://zerowriter.ink/

• Good Reason to Kill #79: Disputed Seating at Kindergarten Graduation https://www.loweringthebar.net/2026/05/good-reason-to-kill-79-disputed-seating.html

Object permanence (permalink)

#20yrsago Gay Days at Disney World draws 140,000 participants https://web.archive.org/web/20060626125509/http://gaydays.com/calendar/

#20yrsago Blue Coat censorware company blocks Boing Boing for criticizing censorware https://memex.craphound.com/2006/06/03/blue-coat-censorware-company-blocks-bb-for-criticizing-censorware/

#15yrsago UN report says 3 Strikes copyright termination is illegal https://web.archive.org/web/20110605030049/https://www.michaelgeist.ca/content/view/5834/125/

#15yrsago Wisconsin GOP plotting to nominate spoiler Democratic candidates in recall elections https://web.archive.org/web/20110604111734/http://www.politicususa.com/en/secret-tape-wisconsin-gop

#15yrsago MI6 hackers replace al Qaeda bomb recipes with pirated cake recipes https://web.archive.org/web/20110603115453/https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/terrorism-in-the-uk/8553366/MI6-attacks-al-Qaeda-in-Operation-Cupcake.html

#15yrsago $10,000,000 in venture capital for grilled-cheese sandwich “platform” https://venturebeat.com/technology/the-melt-flip-sequoia

#15yrsago Walled gardens vs makers https://web.archive.org/web/20150723092624/http://makezine.com/2011/06/01/walled-gardens-vs-makers/

#15yrsago Keyboard whose keys are raised in proportion to their frequency of use https://web.archive.org/web/20110604155657/https://itp.nyu.edu/~mk3321/itp_blog/?p=779

#15yrsago 3D model for reproducing house-keys https://www.science.org/content/article/experimental-error-fetus-dont-fail-me-now

#15yrsago Toronto artist turns abandoned bike into sculpture, City threatens fine for “storing bike on public property” https://web.archive.org/web/20110604181734/http://blogthegood.tumblr.com/post/6039831308/re-cycling

#10yrsago DoD public relations’ highest-ranking civilian gets community service for stealing license plates and harassing neighbor’s nanny https://web.archive.org/web/20160603071800/https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/a-warning-left-on-a-nannys-car-license-plates-stolen-and-a-top-pentagon-official-in-big-trouble/2016/06/01/50699a3a-2816-11e6-a3c4-0724e8e24f3f_story.html

#10yrsago US government agency’s own numbers predict virtually no gains from TPP https://www.techdirt.com/2016/06/02/official-us-international-trade-commission-predicts-negligible-economic-benefits-tpp/

#10yrsago EFF: FBI & NIST’s tattoo recognition program exploited prisoners, profiled based on religion, gave sensitive info to private contractors https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2016/06/tattoo-recognition-research-threatens-free-speech-and-privacy

#10yrsago Ronald Reagan was Donald Trump, until he was president https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2016/05/ronald-reagan-was-once-donald-trump.html

#10yrsago The Steampunk Roadster: Jake von Slatt’s final steampunk project https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpI4GT4sTAY

#10yrsago Every Heart a Doorway: Seanan McGuire’s subversive, gorgeous tale of rejects from the realms of faerie https://memex.craphound.com/2016/06/02/every-heart-a-doorway-seanan-mcguires-subversive-gorgeous-tale-of-rejects-from-the-realms-of-faerie/

#10yrsago Prestigious Pets of Dallas wants $1M from customers who said they overfed a fish https://web.archive.org/web/20160603133604/http://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2016/06/1-star-yelp-review-on-gordy-the-pet-fish-being-overfed-nets-1m-lawsuit/

#10yrsago Airport security officer was alleged war criminal, arrested for lying about participation in “genocidal acts” https://www.loweringthebar.net/2016/06/war-criminal-resume.html

#10yrsago In 1977, the CIA’s top lawyer said Espionage Act shouldn’t be applied to press leaks https://web.archive.org/web/20160609234545/https://s3.amazonaws.com/static.history.state.gov/frus/frus1977-80v28/pdf/frus1977-80v28.pdf

#10yrsago Tumblr’s shoplifting community is organized, politically conscious, and at war with weightlifters https://www.good.is/issue-37-we-r-cute-shoplifters/

#10yrsago Canada Post drops legal claim over crowdsourced postal code database https://web.archive.org/web/20160603185742/http://www.michaelgeist.ca/2016/06/crowdsourcedpostalcodelawsuit/

#10yrsago History podcasters occasionally mention women, butthurt dudes complain it’s “all women” https://web.archive.org/web/20190411115710/https://www.iheart.com/podcast/stuff-you-missed-in-history-cl-21124503/

#10yrsago Corbyn pledges to kill TTIP if elected https://www.commondreams.org/news/2016/06/02/jeremy-corbyn-i-would-kill-ttip

#10yrsago Democratic “superdelegates” endorse Bernie https://www.politico.com/blogs/2016-dem-primary-live-updates-and-results/2016/06/bernie-sanders-superdelegates-223824

#10yrsago Dick Van Dyke, 90: Bernie Sanders is the best candidate for seniors https://web.archive.org/web/20210725072638/https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/general-news/why-bernie-sanders-is-best-898479/

#10yrsago Flintnation: 33 US cities caught cheating on municipal water lead tests https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2016/jun/02/lead-water-testing-cheats-chicago-boston-philadelphia

#10yrsago Defense lawyers: the FBI made us use a copy-shop that made secret copies for the government https://web.archive.org/web/20160604065222/https://www.floridabulldog.org/2016/06/u-s-attorneys-office-fbi-accused-of-spying-on-defense-in-fraud-case/

#5yrsago How the Dutch helped CBS cheat on its taxes https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/02/arbitrary-arbitration/#dutch-treat

#5yrsago Amazon running scared from arbitration at scale https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/02/arbitrary-arbitration/#petard

#5yrsago Efficiency is very inefficient https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/03/jitters/#brittleness

#5yrsago I quit https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/03/i-quit/

#5yrsago NYC's driver-owned Uber alternative https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/02/arbitrary-arbitration/#gig-no-more

Upcoming appearances (permalink)

• Kansas City: Facing the Future (Woodneath Library Center), Jun 10
  https://www.mymcpl.org/events/119655/facing-future-cory-doctorow

• LA: The Reverse Centaur's Guide to Life After AI with Brian Merchant (Skylight Books), Jun 19
  https://www.skylightbooks.com/event/skylight-cory-doctorow-presents-reverse-centaurs-guide-life-after-ai-w-brian-merchant

• Menlo Park: The Reverse Centaur's Guide to Life After AI with Angie Coiro (Kepler's), Jun 21
  https://www.keplers.org/upcoming-events-internal/cory-doctorow-2026

• Toronto: TBA, Jun 23

• NYC: The Reverse Centaur's Guide to Life After AI with Jonathan Coulton (The Strand), Jun 24
  https://www.strandbooks.com/cory-doctorow-the-reverse-centaur-s-guide-to-life-after-ai.html

• Philadelphia: The Reverse Centaur's Guide to Life After AI with David Williams (Fitler Club/Philadelphia Citizen), Jun 25
  https://www.eventbrite.com/e/cory-doctorow-book-event-tickets-1990110326559

• Chicago: The Reverse Centaur's Guide to Life After AI with Rick Perlstein (Exile in Bookville), Jun 26
  https://exileinbookville.com/events/50628

• Edinburgh International Book Festival with Jimmy Wales, Aug 17
  https://www.edbookfest.co.uk/events/the-front-list-cory-doctorow-and-jimmy-wales

• South Bend: An Evening With Cory Doctorow (Notre Dame), Oct 6
  https://franco.nd.edu/events/2026/10/06/an-evening-with-cory-doctorow/

Recent appearances (permalink)

• Why the Internet Got Worse and What to Do About It (Jim Rutt) (RIP)
  https://www.jimruttshow.com/cory-doctorow-3/

• On Enshittification – and what can be done about it (Re:publica)
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhINQgPMVSI

• EFFecting Change: How to Disenshittify the Internet (EFF, with Wendy Liu)
  https://archive.org/details/effecting-change-enshittification

• The “Enshittification” of Everything (Bioneers)
  https://bioneers.org/cory-doctorow-enshittification-of-everything-zstf2605/

• Enshittification (99% Invisible)
  https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/666-enshittification/

Latest books (permalink)

• "Canny Valley": A limited edition collection of the collages I create for Pluralistic, self-published, September 2025 https://pluralistic.net/2025/09/04/illustrious/#chairman-bruce

• "Enshittification: Why Everything Suddenly Got Worse and What to Do About It," Farrar, Straus, Giroux, October 7 2025
  https://us.macmillan.com/books/9780374619329/enshittification/

• "Picks and Shovels": a sequel to "Red Team Blues," about the heroic era of the PC, Tor Books (US), Head of Zeus (UK), February 2025 (https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865908/picksandshovels).

• "The Bezzle": a sequel to "Red Team Blues," about prison-tech and other grifts, Tor Books (US), Head of Zeus (UK), February 2024 (thebezzle.org).

• "The Lost Cause:" a solarpunk novel of hope in the climate emergency, Tor Books (US), Head of Zeus (UK), November 2023 (http://lost-cause.org).

• "The Internet Con": A nonfiction book about interoperability and Big Tech (Verso) September 2023 (http://seizethemeansofcomputation.org). Signed copies at Book Soup (https://www.booksoup.com/book/9781804291245).

• "Red Team Blues": "A grabby, compulsive thriller that will leave you knowing more about how the world works than you did before." Tor Books http://redteamblues.com.

• "Chokepoint Capitalism: How to Beat Big Tech, Tame Big Content, and Get Artists Paid, with Rebecca Giblin", on how to unrig the markets for creative labor, Beacon Press/Scribe 2022 https://chokepointcapitalism.com

Upcoming books (permalink)

• "The Reverse-Centaur's Guide to AI," a short book about being a better AI critic, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, June 2026 (https://us.macmillan.com/books/9780374621568/thereversecentaursguidetolifeafterai/)

• "Enshittification, Why Everything Suddenly Got Worse and What to Do About It" (the graphic novel), Firstsecond, 2026

• "The Post-American Internet," a geopolitical sequel of sorts to Enshittification, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2027

• "Unauthorized Bread": a middle-grades graphic novel adapted from my novella about refugees, toasters and DRM, FirstSecond, April 20, 2027

• "The Memex Method," Farrar, Straus, Giroux, 2027

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources:

Currently writing: "The Post-American Internet," a sequel to "Enshittification," about the better world the rest of us get to have now that Trump has torched America. Third draft completed. Submitted to editor.

• "The Reverse Centaur's Guide to AI," a short book for Farrar, Straus and Giroux about being an effective AI critic. LEGAL REVIEW AND COPYEDIT COMPLETE.

• "The Post-American Internet," a short book about internet policy in the age of Trumpism. PLANNING.

• A Little Brother short story about DIY insulin PLANNING

This work – excluding any serialized fiction – is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. That means you can use it any way you like, including commercially, provided that you attribute it to me, Cory Doctorow, and include a link to pluralistic.net.

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"When life gives you SARS, you make sarsaparilla" -Joey "Accordion Guy" DeVilla

READ CAREFULLY: By reading this, you agree, on behalf of your employer, to release me from all obligations and waivers arising from any and all NON-NEGOTIATED agreements, licenses, terms-of-service, shrinkwrap, clickwrap, browsewrap, confidentiality, non-disclosure, non-compete and acceptable use policies ("BOGUS AGREEMENTS") that I have entered into with your employer, its partners, licensors, agents and assigns, in perpetuity, without prejudice to my ongoing rights and privileges. You further represent that you have the authority to release me from any BOGUS AGREEMENTS on behalf of your employer.

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I can’t believe I forgot my cup.

SILICON VALLEY, CA – Streaming giant Netflix has fired back at a CRTC report recommending they increase their contributions to Canadian media, insisting this would force them to raise prices on Canadian consumers which they recently raised and were already planning to raise again. “Bing forced to spend more on Canadian content would be absolutely […]

The post Netflix says CanCon rules will force them to raise prices that they already raised and plan to raise more appeared first on The Beaverton.

TORONTO – In what has become an annual tradition in community outreach, sports teams across Canada are marking June as Pride Month by adding rainbow logos to their profile pictures, releasing an official statement, and closing all comments on Facebook. “The Toronto Blue Jays believe baseball belongs to everyone and would like to take the […]

The post Nation’s sports franchises mark Pride Month with the annual closing of the comment section appeared first on The Beaverton.

President Donald Trump signed an executive order for AI companies to provide the federal government early access to their newest models, an effort to weigh national and cybersecurity risks before they reach market. What do you think?

“He should also require Frito-Lay to give him early access to new Doritos flavors.”

Bertha Monk, Avocado Pitter

---

“There’s no one I’d trust more with something I understand less.”

Rudy Porihis, Canister Filler

---

“Yeah, I heard he’s got the new Xbox, too.”

Antoine Duffield, Boat Christener

The post Trump Orders Advanced Federal Review Of Frontier AI Models appeared first on The Onion.

A reader writes:

My company has steadily tightened remote work over the past year from two days remote allowed, to five days in-office with exceptions, to now: mandatory in-office five days a week, eight hours a day minimum, no remote option at all. Any time away from the office requires PTO, sick leave, or caregiver leave. They’re tracking badge swipes and laptop network connection time. Our SVP has said explicitly that “90% compliance is unacceptable.”

Here’s what’s making people angry: we’re all non-supervisory exempt salaried employees. Our work routinely requires long hours during crunch periods. In the past, we could flex those hours. Now if you work 10 hours Thursday to hit a deadline, you’re still required to be in the office a full eight hours Friday. Every two weeks I’m expected to review my hours report with my supervisor and explain any gaps, including detailed explanations of illness or doctor’s visits. We log this in four different systems.

A lot of colleagues are talking about legal action. I’m skeptical, but I’m curious: are there any actual legal issues with requiring exempt employees to work unpaid overtime this way, or with demanding medical explanations for sick time? And is there anything employees can reasonably push back on here, or is this a “update your resume” situation?

Legally, employers can require exempt employees to work whatever hours they want, including what they’re requiring of you (a full eight hours in the office every day, even if you worked 12 hours the day before). The law on exempt workers really only makes you exempt from overtime pay (that’s literally what “exempt” refers to); as long as you qualify to be treated as exempt in the first place, that’s all the law cares about.

Do you qualify to be treated as exempt in the first place? You might not. It’s not uncommon for employers to classify employees as exempt even when they don’t meet the legal requirements for it (which include both a minimum salary and a duties test). So look at that first — because if your job doesn’t actually meet those requirements, then they owe you overtime for all hours over 40 that you work in a week, plus back pay for all the time when they weren’t doing that.

But if you’re correctly classified as exempt, they can require those hours.

The part about demanding explanations for sick leave: maybe, maybe not. It depends on exactly what they’re asking. In general, employers are allowed to ask about why you need sick leave. However, if the reason for your absence is a medical condition that’s protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), they’re not allowed to ask you for information beyond questions that are “job-related and consistent with business necessity.” So, for example, if you explained that you were out sick because you were getting dialysis (covered under the ADA), your boss can’t ask a bunch of follow-up questions. But if you were out with food poisoning, that’s not covered under the ADA and legally your boss could nose around into the details of your symptoms if they wanted to. They still shouldn’t, because it’s none of their business and there’s no need for them to know exactly how many times you threw up and whether you also had diarrhea, but legally they could ask.

However, the law aside, you and your coworkers can still push back on this. You can point out as a group that if they want you to work extra hours during busy periods, they need to offer you some equivalent flexibility on their side. (“Need to” doesn’t mean “legally need to,” just “if you want to be a decent employer that retains good employees.”) You can point out that people will be less likely to stay late if they know they won’t get any credit for doing that in terms of their hours the rest of the week, and that people will burn out and not perform as well if they don’t have enough time away from work to recharge. You could also point out that, especially with the scrutiny of any “gaps” for doctor’s appointments, etc., they’re treating you more like non-exempt employees than exempt employees under the spirit of the law (although they may not care since they’re still following the letter of the law), and that people who are treated like trusted professionals are more likely to remain engaged and committed.

Will they care? Maybe. Maybe not. But you can certainly push back on all these things as a group. (And for what it’s worth, one step past pushing back as a group is unionizing.)

If they won’t budge, then yes, this is an “update your resume” situation.

The post can our company make us work rigid hours and explain any gaps? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

In a record-breaking opening weekend for A24, horror movie Backrooms brought in $81 million at the domestic box office. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the Kane Parsons film.

Q: Is this the first major motion picture based on a YouTube video?

A: Not quite. Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker was based on a seven-hour video essay titled “FUCK RIAN JOHNSON.”

Q: Who is in it?

A: That actor from that other movie, plus the guy from that thing.

Q: Is it true Kane Parsons is the youngest director in history to reach No. 1 at the box office?

A: Technically, yes, but mentally, Zack Snyder is still younger.

Q: What’s so scary about a bunch of carpeted yellow rooms?

A: Just imagine how long they must take to vacuum.

Q: What is 4chan, the site where the Backrooms lore originated?

A: The reason you’ll die in a mass shooting watching Backrooms.

Q: Will Backrooms make sense for viewers unfamiliar with its lore?

A: Movies aren’t supposed to make sense, they’re supposed to make money.

Q: Are there any jumpscares?

A: At one point, the Property Brothers pop out to share some tips for improving light in extradimensional rooms without windows.

The post What To Know About ‘Backrooms’ appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Instituting a massive overhaul to the federal government’s scientific grant system in order to find the mythical cartoon characters, President Donald Trump announced Thursday that he would be diverting all science funding into locating The Smurfs. “These are very bad tiny blue people, and we gotta kill these Smurfs immediately—I don’t care how many vaccine trials I have to cancel,” said Trump, signaling an end to all ongoing cancer research in order to “harness the magic” that the Smurfs control. “We are working closely with Gargamel, who will be given full access to any weaponry or troops he may need in his quest, and I promise you we won’t need any studies into reversing Alzheimer’s once we have the very beautiful lady Smurf in our grasp, which will be very soon. We have all the reports showing that Brainy Smurf is just weeks away from enriching uranium, and that is a threat to our freedom we simply will not tolerate.” At press time, the president blamed “bad intelligence” after a missile strike targeting Papa Smurf’s mushroom home accidentally destroyed a nearby school full of Borrowers.

The post Trump Diverts All Science Funding Into Locating The Smurfs appeared first on The Onion.

Hey, thanks for reaching out. I get that you are having an existential crisis of self, facing the realities of aging, and accepting your social and economic circumstances, but listen, there is nothing I can do; I’m just a cat stretching in a bodega.

And no, it doesn’t matter that it’s a BIG stretch either.

I can’t do anything about your unaffordable rent or exorbitant student loans; I have no expenses in my life. I live in a potato chip display and sleep twenty-three hours a day. I can’t fix your general lack of purpose. The most I can offer is startling you as you reach for a bag of Sun Chips, but that’ll only make you feel alive for a split second. Then it’s back to pondering the pointlessness of everything.

That tuxedo cat, spending her days crawling into the fresh vegetable display? She can’t help either. She spends most of her time licking the broccoli florets, so she can’t explain how your deductible works. When the insurance company tells you to call the doctor, who then tells you to call the insurance company in an endless cycle where all parties involved are just waiting for you to die so they don’t have to deal with you, the momentary gratification of seeing a bodega cat look up at you will not help. If anything, she might be the cause of further health complications.

There’s a slight chance she might let you pet her for a few seconds before hissing and scratching at you, but I don’t really see how that helps.

And I think you already know the overweight orange cat by the buffet station that fully just fell into the lasagna chafing dish can’t do anything helpful either. Look at him: He can’t even get out of the lasagna. He might be trapped in there forever now.

At night is when we do actual work. If fixing your life involves catching mice, I got you. If your landlord is willing to barter for dead rodents, come find me. If your horrible boss at work is literally a rat, then I’ll take care of it. Otherwise, there’s not much we bodega cats can do to help your situation.

And please don’t steal any of us, it would be both unhelpful AND expensive for you. Don’t try to help the overweight orange cat either; he has since given up trying to eat his way out of the lasagna and has resigned himself to being permanently trapped under melted cheese in a warming tin.

So, no, while my friends and I may provide a few seconds of relief, if you’re searching for meaning and direction in your life, I’m sorry, I’m just a cute kitty stretching at your local bodega, and my friends and I can’t fix your problems.

Wait, actually, that Sphynx cat up on the top shelf, watching over us like an Egyptian pharaoh, wields the Amulet of Horus and thus has the power of the gods to fix all your problems. She just chooses not to.

In brief: We discuss the high levels of atmospheric moisture in today’s post, and explain how widespread showers and thunderstorms are likely through Friday. Some storms may persist into the weekend, but next week looks likely to be hotter and drier.

Plentiful atmospheric moisture

Atmospheric moisture continues to surge in from the Gulf of Mexico, and in the absence of high pressure this is allowing for ongoing showers and thunderstorms across the region. We measure atmospheric moisture levels by “precipitable water” which basically means if you took a column of atmosphere from the surface all the way to outer space, how much water is there? Generally speaking 2 inches, or more, is very favorable for rainfall. This morning we are seeing 2 to 2.25 inches across much of the region, and levels will remain high for several days more.

We are not too concerned about flooding because the storms remain fairly progressive, in that they are moving through with a decent pace, and local stream and floodways continue to drain well. Nevertheless we’ll continue to keep an eye on things.

Thursday

We are likely to see widespread showers and thunderstorms today, with highly variable accumulations from low tenths of an inch to perhaps some locations seeing as much as 2 inches. This will help moderate high temperatures this afternoon. Areas with clouds and rains will likely top out in the low- to mid-80s, whereas areas that see sunshine for a couple of hours this afternoon may push 90 degrees. Some rain chances will continue overnight, with lows falling into the mid-70s.

Friday

This is likely to be a similar day to Thursday, with the likelihood of widespread showers and thunderstorms across the region. It’s possible that we see a little more sunshine on Friday afternoon, in which case high temperatures for most locations will reach the upper 80s. We will continue to see plenty of humidity and warm nights.

Saturday and Sunday

So what of the weekend? What of it, indeed. I think we’ll see diminution in coverage by showers and thunderstorms, but most of our available guidance indicates we’ll still see some activity. In addition, the precipitable water levels discussed above will remain fairly healthy. Accordingly I expect about a 40 percent chance of showers and thunderstorms each day—but given some lingering uncertainty we may still need to adjust this forecast. Highs on both days should be around 90 degrees, with plenty of humidity. It certainly won’t rain all day every day.

Next weekend

It looks like high pressure may try to encroach from the east-southeast next week, and if it does this should lead to sunnier weather, highs in the low-90s, and rain chances falling into the 10 to 20 percent range for much of next week. That’s what things look like today, anyway. As always, we’ll have to see.

The undead recruits of the WWF.

He takes his pudding intravenously.

Hot house dress action!

A reader writes:

I have gotten friendly with my work colleague over the past year. We have many hobbies in common, including crafting.

We excitedly planned our first craft project at her house, which I’d never been to before. She lives in a very nice neighborhood, and I was stunned upon entering her large four-bedroom house that she seems to be a hoarder. It is piled with stuff everywhere — Christmas decorations piled in a corner in July, books and papers on every flat surface, etc. So as not to hurt her feelings, I stayed and did the craft project with her, but I was so uncomfortable the whole time (1.5 hours) and jammed out of there as quickly as I could.

Unfortunately, this project is a two-step project, so at work she has been asking me when I want to come back to finish! I don’t know what to do. She is very sweet and I don’t want to tell her why I can’t return. She is not in my department, so I only see her 1-2 times per week, but I can’t avoid her forever. I don’t mind being friends at work … I just don’t want to go to her house anymore! HELP!

Anyone who’s been inside a hoarder’s house would understand why you don’t want to go back; it’s not just a little clutter, but an environment that feels truly unclean.

I also understand why you don’t want to be straightforward with her! Hoarding is an extremely sensitive topic and you don’t have the sort of close relationship where it makes sense to take that on.

In theory, you don’t have to give your coworker a reason for why you don’t want to go back to her house. You could simply say you don’t think you’re going to be able to get back to the project. But this is also someone who you want to keep a warm working relationship with, and just abruptly pulling out with no explanation doesn’t sound like the vibe you want. In light of that, here are a few options:

1. Suggest finishing the project somewhere else, like at a coffeeshop. I’m guessing that if this were easy to do you’d have already thought of it, but it’s the simplest way to sidestep the whole thing. You could say, “Would you mind if we finished it somewhere else? I’ve realized I focus better outside of house hangouts.”

2. Your situation has changed and you won’t be able to finish:
* “I’ve gotten weirdly protective of my downtime lately, so I’m trying to keep my weekends simpler. I’m really glad we worked on it together though; I had fun!”
* “I’ve been burning out on crafting so I’m taking a break from it for now. I’m sorry for the timing!”
* Or something else is taking up most of your out-of-work time now, like helping a relative or studying for a class, or you’re overextended so not making any plans.

3. You were allergic to something in her house last time. If she has pets, blame them. Otherwise your allergies could have flared up from anything last time.

Personally, if I wanted to signal that I was still up for a work friendship, I think I’d say: “I’m having major craft burn-out so I don’t think I’ll end up getting back to it — finish it without me if you want to! But want to get lunch one day this week? I’d love to hear more about the X topic you were telling me about.”

The post my newly befriended coworker is a hoarder appeared first on Ask a Manager.

Last month, we talked about small things that almost took down a company or a person, and here are nine of my favorite stories you shared.

1. The $5,000 thank-you note

I had a friend working as admin staff in a law firm where they lost out on literally millions of dollars in legal fees and a partner was disbarred over an unjustified $5,000 bill to the client.

The firm was representing a client on a high-eight-figure settlement and the legal fees were in the low seven figures, so it was a wildly profitable project for the firm, but greed knows no bounds. After the case wrapped up and the “final bill” went out to the client, she received an additional bill for $5,000 for “post settlement services.” It was really a drop in the bucket for what she had paid so far, but she couldn’t get a clear answer on what the those extra “services” were.

She was so annoyed she complained to the law society over it and the firm finally gave an explanation: all the lawyers on the file, including the partner in charge of her case, billed her 15 minutes of their regular hourly rate to read her thank-you note that she sent after getting the final bill. The law society’s auditor then demanded a detailed list of all their billing rationale and found that at least a quarter of their billings to the client were for dubious at best and totally fraudulent at worst reasons. The firm had to refund that all back, plus pay a huge fine, and the partner was disbarred when it came out that he had been the one directing the firm’s lawyers to bill this way. It also destroyed the credibility of the firm and the other partners went after the disbarred one to recoup the losses.

All over an extra $5,000 bill for reading a thank-you note.

2. The ice supply

A good friend got a job as the business manager for a graduate school department at a major college several years ago. Among her tasks was budgeting and taking care of bills. Shortly after she arrived she noticed that one sub-department had a budget line for $200 a month marked “Ice.” She assumed “Ice” was an acronym (“ICE”) or something college-y and didn’t look into it, as she had bigger fish to fry.

A year later the budget request for “Ice” came in for $240 a month. While a small dollar amount increase, she was asked to look into any increase requests over a certain % increase, so she followed up with the department chair.

Turned out that “Ice” budget was for actual ice. An old professor each week had ice delivered to his office by a local ice manufacturer. So that he could have cocktail parties in his office. With old-school ice cubes. The cost? $50 a week.

When confronted about this, the professor insisted he needed the ice and had been getting it delivered weekly since he got tenure in the 1980s. That’s $2,400 a year, or $50+ grand probably, for something he could get for nothing at the cafeteria or make himself in the office fridge.

Plus, his “cocktail parties” often featured certain attractive under-age undergrads.

The professor decided to retire before the campus ethics board got involved.

3. The eighth grade debate

When I was in the eighth grade, the school’s principal decided he would teach a weekly class of “current events” where the students were asked to bring in newspaper articles and we would discuss them. Since the principal didn’t have a classroom of his own, he used the science teacher’s classroom, which had an office for the science teacher attached.

One day, one of the kids from the class brought in an article about how someone had found “evidence of satanic rituals” in a local park. One of the boys said “Satan, cool!” or something like that, because, well, he was a 13-year-old boy. I’m pretty sure he did it in the voice of Beavis and Butthead. The principal sent him out of the room as punishment.

Our class ERUPTED in accusations of religious intolerance from the principal. We argued and argued, giving him scenario after scenario to determine where his line of religious tolerance was. “Would you admit to this school someone who was of a religion that worshipped the devil?” we asked. “Isn’t it illegal not to?” (We were a private school.) Our interrogations led him to state that he would not admit certain students due to their religion. He kept trying to send us out to recess, but we refused to leave! My class passionately defended the rights of Americans to practice whatever religion they wanted and accused him of practicing discrimination.

As it happens, the science teacher was listening to the entire conversation from his office. Later, I overheard him discussing the incident with another teacher and saying how problematic the conversation was and how he was shocked at the principal’s statements.

About a month later, we received a letter saying that the principal was resigning. I don’t remember exactly what it said, but I do remember my dad saying, “Wow, it sounds like he got canned.”

I’m not 100% sure that the two incidents were related, but also, if they weren’t, it’s quite a coincidence.

4. The misspellings

During my time as a government auditor, the biggest fraud I ever uncovered was a result of inconsistent spelling of a key person’s name in official documents. Think Anderson, Andersen, Andersin. It was annoying me, so I looked for the correct spelling in other documents, which ended up not existing. Which led to a lot of other things.

5. The budget documents

A long-time CFO at my small nonprofit was brought down by a grumpy board member who couldn’t understand why the CFO could not simply provide the reports she wanted to see directly from our financial system. The CFO had been giving the board heavily edited and formatted budget documents for years and, because she and the rest of the leadership team were so well-respected in our small community, no one ever questioned it. Turns out, we were over budget by about $1 million (on a $7 million budget that had basically doubled over the course of three years) and no one realized it. The grumpy board member kept asking questions and the CFO couldn’t cover her tracks any longer, which led to the firing of the CFO, a major restructure, and two CEO transitions over the next 18 months.

We’re okay again but for a while there, our 100+ year old organization was almost brought down by a lack of checks and balances. The grumpy board member chose to step down after her first term and while no one exactly misses her, we owe her a great deal for not putting up with any prevarication during her time with us.

6. The fancy car

A coworker of mine at a former job worked for our state’s department of revenue. He told me about a time when a colleague of his noticed a Very Fancy sports car in the middle of Absolutely Bloody Nowhere, which was not one of those quiet little town that secretly has a Google data center or something. Colleague, a fellow tax agent, found this odd and when he got back to the office cross-checked the registrations of Very Fancy Sports Cars with the people living in Absolutely Bloody Nowhere. Sure enough, they found him, and after a very little research figured out that he’d been defrauding the company he worked for to the scale of millions.

7. The rejected edits

I had a manager that believed he was best writer in the world. Our company had an editing team that wildly disagreed with that and he greatly resented their “overreach” when they edited his reports to clients. He complained and was eventually told he could have staff familiar with his projects review his reports. So he had me do it, bragging the entire time that I wasn’t going to find anything to change.

I looked at it and pretty quickly found some problems, namely that he had taken a report for an entirely different project and done a find and replace for the client’s name. But he hadn’t caught when the client’s name was pluralized, which was almost every page. When I told him this, he was pissed, argued that he was just being efficient, that no one was going to read it that closely anyway, and I was a terrible writer so what did I know. He refused to fix that problem or make any other edits I suggested, and turned it into the client early even because he firmly believed that would make us look good.

The client was the U.S. Air Force.

I wasn’t privy to everything that happened next. But in rapid succession he was let go, we came close to losing all our government contracts, which would have shut down out office, and me and my new boss spent the next six months redoing everything he had previously delivered because we figured out he had been making up data. Data we had on hand! He was so lazy he wasn’t bothering to read my field reports and carefully-made maps in favor of writing stuff that he thought sounded right. It was stressful and a mess and cost the company so much money.

If he’d accepted my edits or better yet kept letting the editing team continue to fix his reports, none of that would have happened.

8. The artwork

At a small marketing agency, our biggest client wanted to use a specific piece of artwork in a national ad campaign. Our principals reached out to the artist, who quoted around $50k in licensing fees. The client balked, but still wanted to use that piece of artwork. The principals decided to commission a much smaller artist for a similar piece for $2500, with our agency retaining all the rights.

The client kept nitpicking and asking for revision after revision, until the commissioned piece was extremely similar to that artwork they really wanted. The new artist expressed multiple concerns about copying, but the principals kept pushing to get to where the client wanted the artwork to be. The ad campaign was published, and the client put out plenty of press releases and social content showcasing the art.

Allllllllll of this communication was done over email, which made the original artists’ lawyers’ jobs extremely easy when they sued our agency and the client for a couple million in copyright infringement a month later. The case eventually settled in the original artist’s favor, and both our agency and our client had to pay out the original licensing cost, plus legal fees, and take down all content featuring the copied artwork. I was one of the few agency employees unlucky enough to survive the layoffs afterward, and the cost-saving measures the owners took in the years after got pretty interesting.

9. The treasurer

15+ years ago, I joined the (volunteer, unpaid) board for a youth performing arts nonprofit. At my first board meeting, I found out that our treasurer was under investigation for stealing up hundreds of thousands of dollars from our organization, his employer, and the booster group at the school where he taught jazz band. (Y’all, this isn’t even the thing that almost brought the org down!) The result was that we were without a treasurer and couldn’t find anyone to do the job on a volunteer basis.

Instead of paying to hire an hourly accountant, the board decided the president (who was a freelance writer for financial publications so of course he’s qualified) would serve as both the president and the treasurer. Safeguards were put in place so that any purchases or withdraws over $500 would require two signatures. This went on for six years without much turmoil. Books were balanced every year, and the president/treasurer was so fiscally conservative we had to fight tooth and nail to buy equipment that should’ve been replaced several years prior, so things seemed fine money-wise.

In year six, we had an actual CPA elected to the board as an at-large member, and in her second year she ran for treasurer. The president-treasurer seemed genuinely elated he no longer had to do both roles after seven years, but that whole next year, he threw up blocker after blocker for her. Things like QuickBooks “couldn’t transfer access” to her or they could never agree on a time to meet at the bank to get her added to our bank accounts. He also insisted that he’d file our taxes so she wouldn’t have to deal with that hassle. For some reason, these things weren’t red flags for the rest of us, partly because he was still around and partly because he was a “nice” guy.

At this point, I’d transitioned out of a board role and into a paid staff role. When the new treasurer started creating paychecks and mileage reimbursements, I told her that my mileage checks were wrong and much higher than normal. The old treasurer been using the IRS standard rate for charities ($0.14 in 2026) instead of the IRS rate for business ($0.72 in 2026) which is what the new treasurer was using. He doubled down on the charity rate being the correct one even though the staff were all paid contractors. The new person was, of course, correct, and this mileage fiasco made her look into more and more of the documents from previous years.

And that’s when we found out he hadn’t filed our taxes in the past seven years, which included the form for our 501(c)3 status. The same status that allowed us to be tax exempt on every purchase we’d made for the past seven years.

The president-treasurer was immediately removed from the board, and the new treasurer and VP started down the nearly two-year road of retaining legal counsel, rectifying our taxes, re-applying for our tax-exempt status, calculating the back taxes we’d owed not just ot the IRS but all the sales tax for seven years, and doing damage control with the member groups we served. As a staff member, I know there were discussions and details I wasn’t privy to, but I do know legal action against him was talked about and then dismissed as an idea.

I’m happy to say that I’ve been involved with the org for almost 20 years now, and we are thriving. We’ve more than doubled in size in that time and finally have a paid executive director, about 30 paid staff members (so the board can actually be a guiding, “volunteer” board), and most importantly — a paid accountant.

The post the ice supply, the thank-you note, and other small things that almost took down a company appeared first on Ask a Manager.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I’m being targeted for increasing our health insurance rates

My boss approached me about how our insurance rates are going up because of my medication. We don’t have HR. I was told how much my biologic shots cost each month and how that’s affecting our rates. It was also brought up in front of another employee.

Now I am feeling like I’m being targeted at work. I’m being left out of meetings, and any time I bring up new ideas or concerns, I am either dismissed or made out to be the issue. This feels strangely targeted and surprising. I’ve had amazing success and interest in the programs that I am over. I am starting to feel like there is pressure on me to find another job even though my work is above and beyond.

Yes, it sounds very much like you’re being treated this way because of your health care costs, and they want you to leave. That’s illegal under multiple federal laws, including the Americans with Disabilities Act, the Employee Retirement Income Security Act, and even HIPAA, all of which make it illegal to retaliate against an employee because of their health care costs.

But legal or not, if your employer wants you to leave, there are a lot of ways they can make your life there very difficult — so you really, really need an employment lawyer to help you navigate this, even if they’re just advising you behind the scenes.

2. I was asked to talk to another volunteer about her attitude

I have been volunteering with an animal welfare organization for about 14 years. Besides animal care, one of my main duties is being at the front desk during our open hours and assisting visitors and adopters when they come in.

We have a newer volunteer, “Margo,” who has been volunteering for the past year or so. Due to physical limitations, she cannot do animal care, so when she is on shift she is also at the front desk.

It can be hard to find volunteers, so Margo was a welcome addition when she first started. There are only a handful of us comfortable staffing the front desk, and she filled in a lot of open shifts. But as time goes on, Margo has rubbed a lot of fellow volunteers the wrong way. There have been complaints about her bossy attitude. She has started stopping in on her days off just to “check in.” One of our other front desk volunteers told me that Margo stopped in and just started doing the front desk duties without even asking her. Margo does not listen to direction from our adoption center manager (who is a bit newer than Margo, so Margo probably thinks she doesn’t know what she’s talking about).

Our adoption center manager (who is paid staff and is supposed to be in charge of the volunteers) asked me to talk to Margo, as a tenured volunteer. How do you tell a volunteer that they are being too bossy and rubbing people the wrong way?

The adoption center manager was wrong to ask you to do that. You’re a peer to Margo, so she isn’t required to listen to you and may figure you’re the one being bossy. Instead, the adoption center manager is the one who needs to do it, since she’s in charge of the volunteers and has the authority and standing to speak to Margo about what needs to change.

As for how she should approach it: straightforwardly! People often feel more awkward about giving feedback to volunteers since they’re not getting paid for their work, but you can’t run an organization effectively without being willing to do it (and if you’re reluctant to, you end up driving off other volunteers who don’t want to work around unaddressed problems). It’s important to ensure volunteers feel appreciated — but not at the expense of never asking them to do anything differently. But again, you’re not the person well positioned to do it, and it’s reasonable for you to go back to the adoption center manager and say, “I thought about this and don’t think I have the standing with Margo to give this feedback. I think it will need to come from you since you manage her and have authority I don’t have.”

3. My boss is trying to crowd out Pride Month

Most of the U.S. knows June is Pride Month, even if they don’t celebrate it. Since last year, my boss has begun painting our front windows in June with “Veteran’s Month” celebration art. I am a veteran and have been/am being asked to provide a picture of me in uniform with a blurb about my service to be played on the screen when you walk in. I managed to blow them off last year as I’m very private at work.

For those who might not know, November is widely celebrated as Veteran’s Month and companies will often give all sorts of discounts then. Everyone generally celebrates November 11th, but that extends to the whole month now through an official designation. By celebrating it in June, I know what my boss is trying to do. I didn’t think it would continue this year, but here we are and now I want to know what paths I might have forward.

Can I even report this to HR? We are in California, but our corporate office is in Texas. I’m worried they won’t care. I am not queer myself, but that shouldn’t matter.

I don’t know that it quite rises to the level of HR unless it’s accompanied by your boss doing other things that seem anti-LGBTQ, but would you be comfortable saying this to him: “As a veteran, I’d be confused if I saw this because Veteran’s Month is always in November. June is Pride Month, so if we want to do something it should be Pride-related or we’ll look like we’re trying to crowd that out, which I know we wouldn’t want.”

And if he ignores that and keeps trying to use a photo of you, be clear that you’re not participating: “June is Pride Month, not Veterans Month, so I’m not comfortable participating.”

4. Candidates who won’t answer interview questions directly

I’ve hit a frustrating wall in my hiring process. I like to run a structured, transparent interview. Every candidate receives the same baseline of information, the same formatted calendar invites with details, and the same five core questions to ensure a fair evaluation.

I set clear expectations from the start: I introduce myself, provide a brief overview of the role, explain that we have five questions to cover, and assure them there is dedicated time for their own questions at the end. I check in and ask if that sounds good. They are always affirmative. These aren’t “gotcha” questions; they are direct, relevant queries about the experience and professional philosophy required for the role.

Despite this clarity, I keep encountering candidates who simply won’t answer the questions. I frequently find myself having to interrupt long-winded, unrelated stories just to restate the original prompt and ask for a direct response.

I work in a people-centered industry, so I appreciate openness and personality, but I refuse to hire on “vibes” alone. My goal is to ensure skills and philosophy are the primary requirements, with personal rapport being a secondary consideration.

How do I handle candidates who dodge straightforward questions without sounding like an interrogator? Is there a way to guide these “storytellers” more effectively, or is an inability to follow a simple interview structure a red flag I should be taking more seriously? Should I rethink my format and my goal of keeping the interview fair and equal? Is there another way to do it?

What portion of candidates are you finding this with? If it’s a majority of them, then I’d think the issue is with your questions — that they need to be more narrowly defined, or that you need to be clearer about exactly what information you’re seeking. Probably that means reworking the initial questions to be clearer, but it’s also fine to interject with, “Let me jump in here — what I’d really like to hear about specifically is X.”

But if most people are answering the questions directly, then it sounds like your questions are working: they are operating as a red flag for candidates who dodge straightforward questions about their experience. Maybe they’re bad communicators or maybe they lack the experience you’re looking for; either way, not giving a straight answer to a straightforward question is a red flag, and it’s fair for you to consider that relevant data as you evaluate them.

I think that because you’re very focused on a transparent and fair process, you’re getting tripped up by “I need their clear answer about X in order to fairly compare their experience with X to other candidates.” But what you’re getting is additional relevant information. Maybe “answers direct questions clearly” isn’t in the matrix you’re currently using to assess people, but for most jobs it should be.

5. Suggesting I consult after I’m rejected for a job

I just had an interview for a job for which I have deep experience in part of what they’re looking for (a technical skill involving specialized equipment), and very little in other parts. I got the sense that the hiring manager was very interested in the things I do know, to the point that I think part of the interview was him picking my brain about how to do something, rather than just assessing my skills.

If I am rejected for not having the other skills, would it be reasonable for me to suggest that I could consult with them for a limited period, possibly to train someone and get their project up and running? I’ve trained colleagues before and it’s something I wouldn’t mind doing (though I would prefer a full-time job!) and my skills are rare enough that they’re not likely to find someone with everything else they want, plus this. Or would it just be weird and out of touch because they would have just rejected me, so obviously they don’t want me working there?

You can make that offer! It’s not weird or out-of-touch to say, “I know you’re moving forward with other candidates for the X role, but if you end up needing someone to consult on Y, I’d love to talk with you about a short-term consulting arrangement to help get the work up and running. If that turns out to be something you might need, please contact me anytime.”

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CAMPBELL RIVER, B.C. – Overt racist speech has narrowly won out over the more traditional dogwhistle racist messaging this past Sunday, with “Loud Racism” officially becoming the new leader of the B.C. Conservative Party. Voting in the leadership election took four rounds, with ‘No Racism’ landing solidly in last place, followed by ‘Moderate Racism’ and […]

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WASHINGTON—Assuring Americans that a routine medical exam had confirmed the president had no pressing health concerns, Capt. Sean Barbabella, the director of the White House Medical Unit, claimed Wednesday that Donald Trump was a perfectly healthy 9-foot-tall 35-year-old. “After concluding his physical, I can say with confidence that President Trump exhibits normal vitals for a titanic behemoth born in 1991,” Barbabella told reporters, adding that the commander-in-chief’s cardiovascular health was so exemplary that he had finally cracked the three-minute mile. “I can also say that, contrary to some negative health speculations in the press, the president’s capacity to levitate two feet off the ground is undiminished. And in my professional opinion, his pyrokinetic abilities have surpassed those of any world leader in history.” Barbabella went on to state that Trump’s dunking skills remained at NBA-level.

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The post Kash Patel’s Eyes Fall Out appeared first on The Onion.

Wedding vows were exchanged Sunday under the eyes of God, despite the fact that He wasn’t invited.

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EAST LANSING, MI—Calling the 21-year-old’s replies to his emails and text messages “rote” and “overly formal,” local professor Lowell Sterbenz told reporters Friday he was “pretty sure” student Evelyn Atwater was using AI to refuse his sexual advances. “It really is a shame with these undergrads these days,” said the 63-year-old Sterbenz, an art history professor at Michigan State University, noting that Atwater’s written responses to his invitations were remarkably similar to those of other young women who had rejected him this semester, including two who were in her class. “The previous generations never would have turned down a cozy dinner or one-on-one weekend getaway to my Traverse City lake house like this. ‘While I do enjoy drinking wine, I unfortunately have other obligations that night’ is just so plainly robotic. It’s got to be ChatGPT. Who talks like that? A human would say, ‘That sounds amazing, Lowell. I can’t wait to see that Delvaux you have hanging in the bedroom. You’re the best mentor ever.’ Do these young people really have no shame?” Sterbenz added that his suspicions regrettably left him with no choice but to report Atwater to the Office of Academic Integrity. 

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WASHINGTON—Saying it had been forced to take action against networks that refused to change their conduct, the Federal Communications Commission announced Monday it would investigate broadcasters of TV shows where the mom has a job. “It has come to our attention that the public airwaves have been used to transmit indecent images of female characters who have both children and jobs—and in some cases are even a family’s breadwinner,” said FCC Commissioner Brendan Carr, claiming such programs were not in compliance with new guidelines that require fictional mothers to be breastfeeding off-screen for at least two-thirds of an episode’s duration. “It is a violation of broadcast codes for these women to be shown outside the home at all, unless it is at a grocery store or a church. Moving forward, every mother who appears on camera must be holding a child in every single frame or we will revoke the licenses of the offending stations.” Carr added that the FCC would also levy fines against any show portraying young girls attending school.

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I’m a famous mystery novelist, power-walking enthusiast, and spunky widow who, despite my husband’s death, has not had my joie de vivre diminished in the slightest. Meeting me, perhaps you’d surmise that I’m a glass-half-full kind of gal who loves socializing, travel, and dinner with an ever-widening coterie of friends.

You’d be wrong. To make the most of my twilight years, I’ve cultivated a detached numbness to death that would give the grizzliest veteran of Guadalcanal the thousand-yard stare. This is because the people I’ve known have been murdered so often that I don’t feel anything anymore, not even when I find the dead body myself.

Nothing.

Well, perhaps that’s not true. I feel—it’s not quite excitement. It’s like when you leaf through the paltry reading material at the dentist’s office, and you discover that someone has neglected to fill out the People magazine crossword puzzle. So, I’m keeping busy, but I basically feel nothing.

Not even when my nephew Grady gets framed for murder, which happens constantly. Seriously, I have a criminal defense attorney on perpetual retainer who specializes in homicide for this sort of thing. At this point, the police department just calls me first, so we can clear it up.

He’s a sweet boy, and I dote on him despite his terrible taste in romantic partners. Grady’s always introducing me to this girl or that one. They seem nice enough with big ’80s hair and winning smiles, but I can see it, and I tell him honestly that there’s no future. Each of those relationships will more likely than not end just like the others, with him framed for her murder.

Speaking of which, I tell Grady over and over to keep his fingerprints off the murder weapon when he discovers the body, but he’s like a kid in a candy store when he sees a bloody dagger in someone’s back: He’s got to have it.

Again, let me emphasize that I’m a nice old lady who feels nothing about the parade of murder that seems to follow me. Want some evidence? One time, the police called to congratulate me on my hunch because they found my friend Gwen from the museum committee dead in a drainpipe.

So many people have been murdered that I now travel quite the distance from my home in Cabot Cove, a quaint Maine town that has more murders per capita than anywhere else in the county. Just last month, I traveled to Hong Kong to see a ceramicist friend I met at a UNESCO arts festival. We hit it off immediately, so she invited me to see her home. During my time there, she was kidnapped, and her husband was poisoned. It was a great trip—the Jades were remarkable.

For many older adults, especially as they get up there, all their friends are in the cemetery—dead of dementia, heart disease, or various cancers. Mine are gone from poisonings, gunshot wounds, and hangings deliberately staged to look like suicide to throw suspicion off of the real killer.

That’s why I keep such a full social calendar. It’s not just to keep the old gray matter sharp but also to add more people to my circle of charming but often blackmailable friends and acquaintances who end up on the slab. And when I invite someone to bridge club because a spot has opened, no one ever asks why.

Forgive me, Padre, for I have binged.

Kissed brimstone. Huffed hellfire. Made a $5.99 deal with El Diablo for a five-pack of chicken nuggets.

In the back booth of a Taco Bell Cantina, I plop down my tray like I’m late to the Last Supper.

Spread before me: an unholy communion. Nuggets instead of wafers. A chalice of consecrated Baja Blast.

Illuminated above me: not stained glass, but a neon-purple sign promoting a timeless fast-food parable. LIVE MÁS.

I cross myself in the sign of Our Father, dab at a spill that looks like my mother, then take the plunge—flipping open a box of Taco Bell’s new Diablo Dusted Crispy Chicken Nuggets.

Like the scooped litter of an infernal feline, pulverized tortilla chips cling to dust-coated clumps of chicken. Seasoning slides around the bottom of the box like loose sand. The smell is sharp and stinging—dehydrated hot sauce tickling my hallowed nose hairs.

Popping that first Diablo Dusted morsel into my mouth, I experience a revelation worthy of Revelations. A pure, sinful delight. The equivalent of crushing up a bag of Cheetos, mixing in a few ghost peppers, then drenching your tongue in dry rub.

As Christ said when he descended into hell: “Holy fuck, that’s hot.”

I fan my mouth, realizing I started with too big a bite (one bite). But wicked temptation drives me to tear into another nugget.

My sinuses tingle with illicit satisfaction. Tears blur my vision. My tongue wriggles—flailing, under fire, but already craving more.

Diablo Dusted Crispy Chicken Nuggets are tender, spicy, and juicy, like a Zumba instructor. Slightly rubbery, like an amateur gimp at Folsom. Premium all white meat lambasted under a heat lamp, like a regional sales manager in a tanning bed.

For a menu item concocted in hell’s kitchen—chicken nuggets crop dusted by Satan himself—they’re surprisingly scrumptious.

Like any vice worth the price, Diablo Dusted Crispy Chicken Nuggets are dangerously addictive. Despite my inflamed senses—mouth burning, nose dripping, scabbed throat screaming in protest—I can’t help but take another bite.

Between sips of Baja Blast, scripture written on sauce packets compels me to LIVE MÁS, EAT MÁS, and MAKE MÁS MISTAKES. I am a masochistic sinner, craving delicious damnation. Desperate for punishment. Praying for Satan to spit in my mouth.

Steam whistling out of my ears, I wonder if the devil’s lettuce would make these Diablo Nuggets even more delectable. Chewing fumes, I trespass against McDonald’s, ranking Taco Bell’s diabolical poultry above McNuggets.

But the heat! Good Lord, the heat. By the end of the pack, the Baja Blast is ineffective. Milk is off the table. Water would only make it worse—unless it’s been blessed by a priest.

Like the nuggets, my tongue is blanketed in Diablo Dust. Oh, how it burns. Like gargling vinegar, every micro-abrasion in my mouth lights up. Incendiary, as one by one, my taste buds are plunged into magma.

My final refuge—my only option—is to peel the lid off the limited-edition Diablo Ranch dip and pray to the Almighty for forgiveness.

But God is either deaf or spiteful, or he thinks he’s so funny. Because the Diablo Ranch is a homestead of pain.

Far from tempering the inferno, the peppered sauce is like squirting gasoline on a grease fire. Dust and dip, flint and tinder, feed each other until my mouth stops chewing and starts playing hot potato—flipping the half-eaten nugget from tongue to teeth to cheek.

Sniffling, tears streaming down my face, baptized in flame and babbling in tongues like a Pentecostal faith healer, I crawl back to the counter, unrepentant.

“Hi, could I get another order of Diablo Nuggets? Yes, with the ranch.”

“That’ll be $5.99.”

“Amen.”