Cowboy Who?

Some time ago, I told the story of the time the development manager for Windows 95 bought one copy of every PC program in the Egghead Software store and crashed the cash register.

Funding this shopping spree was itself a bit of an adventure.

The development manager brazenly sent email directly to Bill Gates asking for an open purchase order for $1 million. Bill readily agreed.

You’d think that would have settled it, but the Microsoft finance people kept blocking the creation of the purchase order. Bill himself had to intervene and personally approve the order.

I suspect that part of that purchase order was used to provide the credit line for the credit card with a half-million-dollar credit limit.

Bonus punch line for the credit card story: The last name of the administrative assistant who was issued the half-million-dollar credit card happened to be Gates (no relation). She told me at the time, “It’s surprising how nice people in the Seattle area are to you once they find out that your last name is Gates.”

The post Funding the Egghead store shopping spree took a little extra legwork appeared first on The Old New Thing.

Go to a commercial! #CowboyWho

In brief: The Atlantic remains calm, while the Pacific churns out its fifth storm, this one probably the strongest of the season so far, headed for hurricane intensity. Severe weather should also impact Kansas today.

Moment of meteorological Zen

Image of one of the most photogenic tornadoes you’ll ever see by one of my favorite storm chasers. This occurred on Monday evening near Wellfleet, Nebraska. It appears this occurred over open land, and I cannot find any reports of damage. Truly awestriking.

Still can't believe this happened. Still can't believe this is a photo I took.
Wellfleet, NE 6/16/25 pic.twitter.com/9X7Vu6ylof

— Jim Tang (@wxmann) June 17, 2025

Today’s tornado risk shifts into Kansas.

Tornadoes take the cake, but strong winds are the story today. Wichita has already seen a 101 mph gust this morning! Additional powerful storms are likely later today with 80 mph winds or stronger possible from eastern Colorado into Kansas. Be safe there.

Pacific Tropical Storm Erick

We’ve added the fifth storm of the Pacific season to the list as of this morning. Tropical Storm Erick has formed, and this one has some higher side potential as it moves toward the western coast of Mexico.

The forecast from the NHC and some modeling is actually quite aggressive with Erick. The official forecast brings this up to a cat 2 with 100 mph winds by the time it makes landfall late tomorrow night. However, some tropical models do indicate the potential for Erick to become a borderline major hurricane by the time it reaches land.

This is one of those storms that’s going to induce impacts on a wide swath of coast because of its forecast track and the geography of Mexico. The longer that this stays over water, the stronger it could get, and the wider the impacts on the coast of Oaxaca and Guerrero. The current track keeps it east of Acapulco. But it will be a somewhat close call. Eventually, even if stays offshore, proximity to land will probably induce weakening, but Erick should be a pretty significant storm for southern Mexico, particularly in Oaxaca.

In addition, the heavy rains will continue up the east coast of Mexico through Veracruz and possibly Tamaulipas as a Bay of Campeche disturbance gets absorbed into the mess.

Otherwise, we are not expecting any tropical development in the Atlantic this week.

WASHINGTON—After being confronted about social media posts that blamed the shootings of two Minnesota lawmakers on the far left, Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT) stressed Tuesday that he would have said the same thing if his own family had been savagely murdered. “Democrats can say what they want about me, but I would have absolutely called the shooter a Marxist and made tasteless digs at Gov. Walz had my loved ones recently been killed in cold blood,” said Lee, adding that if his wife and and children had been shot multiple times, he wouldn’t have hesitated to post photos of the incident and refer to it as a “Nightmare on Walz Street.” “To anyone offended by this, let me just say that had this happened to my family, I would have done everything in my power to mock them and use their deaths to advance my political agenda. Had I been shot, I would have used my last breaths to fan the flame and keep inciting violence. But that’s just the kind of man I am.” Lee confirmed that had Elon Musk used his family’s brutal murders to spread lies, he would have still posted a reply reading, “Fact check: TRUE.”

The post Mike Lee Stresses He Would Have Posted Same Thing If Own Family Savagely Murdered appeared first on The Onion.

[Note that this article is a transcript of the video embedded above.]

Wichita Falls, Texas, went through the worst drought in its history in 2011 and 2012. For two years in a row, the area saw its average annual rainfall roughly cut in half, decimating the levels in the three reservoirs used for the city’s water supply. Looking ahead, the city realized that if the hot, dry weather continued, they would be completely out of water by 2015. Three years sounds like a long runway, but when it comes to major public infrastructure projects, it might as well be overnight. Between permitting, funding, design, and construction, three years barely gets you to the starting line. So the city started looking for other options. And they realized there was one source of water nearby that was just being wasted - millions of gallons per day just being flushed down the Wichita River. I’m sure you can guess where I’m going with this. It was the effluent from their sewage treatment plant.

The city asked the state regulators if they could try something that had never been done before at such a scale: take the discharge pipe from the wastewater treatment plant and run it directly into the purification plant that produces most of the city’s drinking water. And the state said no. So they did some more research and testing and asked again. By then, the situation had become an emergency. This time, the state said yes. And what happened next would completely change the way cities think about water. I’m Grady and this is Practical Engineering.

You know what they say, wastewater happens. It wasn’t that long ago that raw sewage was simply routed into rivers, streams, or the ocean to be carried away. Thankfully, environmental regulations put a stop to that, or at least significantly curbed the amount of wastewater being set loose without treatment. Wastewater plants across the world do a pretty good job of removing pollutants these days. In fact, I have a series of videos that go through some of the major processes if you want to dive deeper after this. In most places, the permits that allow these plants to discharge set strict limits on contaminants like organics, suspended solids, nutrients, and bacteria. And in most cases, they’re individualized. The permit limits are based on where the effluent will go, how that water body is used, and how well it can tolerate added nutrients or pollutants. And here’s where you start to see the issue with reusing that water: “clean enough” is a sliding scale.

Depending on how water is going to be used or what or who it’s going to interact with, our standards for cleanliness vary. If you have a dog, you probably know this. They should drink clean water, but a few sips of a mud puddle in a dirty street, and they’re usually just fine. For you, that might be a trip to the hospital. Natural systems can tolerate a pretty wide range of water quality, but when it comes to drinking water for humans, it should be VERY clean. So the easiest way to recycle treated wastewater is to use it in ways that don’t involve people. That idea’s been around for a while.

A lot of wastewater treatment plants apply effluent to land as a disposal method, avoiding the need for discharge to a natural water body. Water soaks into the ground, kind of like a giant septic system. But that comes with some challenges. It only works if you’ve got a lot of land with no public access, and a way to keep the spray from drifting into neighboring properties. Easy at a small scale, but for larger plants, it just isn’t practical engineering. Plus, the only benefits a utility gets from the effluent are some groundwater recharge and maybe a few hay harvests per season. So, why not send the effluent to someone else who can actually put it to beneficial use?

If only it were that simple. As soon as a utility starts supplying water to someone else, things get complicated because you lose a lot of control over how the effluent is used. Once it's out of your hands, so to speak, it’s a lot harder to make sure it doesn’t end up somewhere it shouldn’t, like someone’s mouth. So, naturally, the permitting requirements become stricter. Treatment processes get more complicated and expensive. You need regular monitoring, sampling, and laboratory testing. In many places in the world, reclaimed water runs in purple pipes so that someone doesn’t inadvertently connect to the lines thinking they’re potable water. In many cases, you need an agreement in place with the end user, making sure they’re putting up signs, fences, and other means of keeping people from drinking the water. And then you need to plan for emergencies - what to do if a pipe breaks, if the effluent quality falls below the standards, or if a cross-connection is made accidentally.

It’s a lot of work - time, effort, and cost - to do it safely and follow the rules. And those costs have to be weighed against the savings that reusing water creates. In places that get a lot of rain or snow, it’s usually not worth it. But in many US states, particularly those in the southwest, this is a major strategy to reduce the demand on fresh water supplies. Think about all the things we use water for where its cleanliness isn’t that important. Irrigation is a big one - crops, pastures, parks, highway landscaping, cemeteries - but that’s not all. Power plants use huge amounts of water for cooling. Street sweeping, dust control. In nearly the entire developed world, we use drinking-quality water to flush toilets!

You can see where there might be cases where it makes good sense to reclaim wastewater, and despite all the extra challenges, its use is fairly widespread. One of the first plants was built in 1926 at Grand Canyon Village which supplied reclaimed water to a power plant and for use in steam locomotives. Today, these systems can be massive, with miles and miles of purple pipes run entirely separate from the freshwater piping. I’ve talked about this a bit on the channel before. I used to live near a pair of water towers in San Antonio that were at two different heights above ground. That just didn’t make any sense until I realized they weren’t connected; one of them was for the reclaimed water system that didn’t need as much pressure in the lines. Places like Phoenix, Austin, San Antonio, Orange County, Irvine, and Tampa all have major water reclamation programs. And it’s not just a US thing. Abu Dhabi, Beijing, and Tel Aviv all have infrastructure to make beneficial use of treated municipal wastewater, just to name a few.

Because of the extra treatment and requirements, many places put reclaimed water in categories based on how it gets used. The higher the risk of human contact, the tighter the pollutant limits get. For example, if a utility is just selling effluent to farmers, ranchers, or for use in construction, exposure to the public is minimal. Disinfecting the effluent with UV or chlorine may be enough to meet requirements. And often that’s something that can be added pretty simply to an existing plant. But many reclaimed water users are things like golf courses, schoolyards, sports fields, and industrial cooling towers, where people are more likely to be exposed. In those cases, you often need a sewage plant specifically designed for the purpose or at least major upgrades to include what the pros call tertiary treatment processes - ways to target pollutants we usually don’t worry about and improve the removal rates of the ones we do. These can include filters to remove suspended solids, chemicals that bind to nutrients, and stronger disinfection to more effectively kill pathogens.

This creates a conundrum, though. In many cases, we treat wastewater effluent to higher standards than we normally would in order to reclaim it, but only for nonpotable uses, with strict regulations about human contact. But if it’s not being reclaimed, the quality standards are lower, and we send it downstream. If you know how rivers work, you probably see the inconsistency here. Because in many places, down the river, is the next city with its water purification plant whose intakes, in effect, reclaim that treated sewage from the people upstream.

This isn’t theoretical - it’s just the reality of how humans interact with the water cycle. We’ve struggled with the problems it causes for ages. In 1906, Missouri sued Illinois in the Supreme Court when Chicago reversed their river, redirecting its water (and all the city’s sewage) toward the Mississippi River. If you live in Houston, I hate to break it to you, but a big portion of your drinking water comes from the flushes and showers in Dallas. There have been times when wastewater effluent makes up half of the flow in the Trinity River.

But the question is: if they can do it, why can’t we? If our wastewater effluent is already being reused by the city downstream to purify into drinking water, why can’t we just keep the effluent for ourselves and do the same thing? And the answer again is complicated.

It starts with what’s called an environmental buffer. Natural systems offer time to detect failures, dilute contaminants, and even clean the water a bit—sunlight disinfects, bacteria consume organic matter. That’s the big difference in one city, in effect, reclaiming water from another upstream. There’s nature in between. So a lot of water reclamation systems, called indirect potable reuse, do the same thing: you discharge the effluent into a river, lake, or aquifer, then pull it out again later for purification into drinking water. By then, it’s been diluted and treated somewhat by the natural systems.

Direct potable reuse projects skip the buffer and pipe straight from one treatment plant to the next. There’s no margin for error provided by the environmental buffer. So, you have to engineer those same protections into the system: real-time monitoring, alarms, automatic shutdowns, and redundant treatment processes.

Then there’s the issue of contaminants of emerging concern: pharmaceuticals, PFAS [P-FAS], personal care products - things that pass through people or households and end up in wastewater in tiny amounts. Individually, they’re in parts per billion or trillion. But when you close the loop and reuse water over and over, those trace compounds can accumulate. Many of these aren’t regulated because they’ve never reached concentrations high enough to cause concern, or there just isn’t enough knowledge about their effects yet. That’s slowly changing, and it presents a big challenge for reuse projects. They can be dealt with at the source by regulating consumer products, encouraging proper disposal of pharmaceuticals (instead of flushing them), and imposing pretreatment requirements for industries. It can also happen at the treatment plant with advanced technologies like reverse osmosis, activated carbon, advanced oxidation, and bio-reactors that break down micro-contaminants. Either way, it adds cost and complexity to a reuse program. But really, the biggest problem with wastewater reuse isn’t technical - it’s psychological.

The so-called “yuck factor” is real. People don’t want to drink sewage. Indirect reuse projects have a big benefit here. With some nature in between, it’s not just treated wastewater; it’s a natural source of water with treated wastewater in it. It’s kind of a story we tell ourselves, but we lose the benefit of that with direct reuse: Knowing your water came from a toilet—even if it’s been purified beyond drinking water standards—makes people uneasy. You might not think about it, but turning the tap on, putting that water in a glass, and taking a drink is an enormous act of trust. Most of us don’t understand water treatment and how it happens at a city scale. So that trust that it’s safe to drink largely comes from seeing other people do it and past experience of doing it over and over and not getting sick. The issue is that, when you add one bit of knowledge to that relative void of understanding - this water came directly from sewage - it throws that trust off balance. It forces you not to rely not on past experience but on the people and processes in place, most of which you don’t understand deeply, and generally none of which you can actually see. It’s not as simple as just revulsion. It shakes up your entire belief system.

And there’s no engineering fix for that. Especially for direct potable reuse, public trust is critical. So on top of the infrastructure, these programs also involve major public awareness campaigns. Utilities have to put themselves out there, gather feedback, respond to questions, be empathetic to a community’s values, and try to help people understand how we ensure water quality, no matter what the source is.

But also, like I said, a lot of that trust comes from past experience. Not everyone can be an environmental engineer or licensed treatment plant operator. And let’s be honest - utilities can’t reach everyone. How many public meetings about water treatment have you ever attended? So, in many places, that trust is just going to have to be built by doing it right, doing it well, and doing it for a long time. But, someone has to be first.

In the U.S., at least on the city scale, that drinking water guinea pig was Wichita Falls. They launched a massive outreach campaign, invited experts for tours, and worked to build public support. But at the end of the day, they didn’t really have a choice. The drought really was that severe. They spent nearly four years under intense water restrictions. Usage dropped to a third of normal demand, but it still wasn’t enough.

So, in collaboration with state regulators, they designed an emergency direct potable reuse system. They literally helped write the rules as they went, since no one had ever done it before. After two months of testing and verification, they turned on the system in July 2014. It made national headlines.

The project ran for exactly one year. Then, in 2015, a massive flood ended the drought and filled the reservoirs in just three weeks. The emergency system was always meant to be temporary. Water essentially went through three treatment plants: the wastewater plant, a reverse osmosis plant, and then the regular water purification plant. That’s a lot of treatment, which is a lot of expense, but they needed to have the failsafe and redundancy to get the state on board with the project. The pipe connecting the two plants was above ground and later repurposed for the city’s indirect potable reuse system, which is still in use today.

In the end, they reclaimed nearly two billion gallons of wastewater as drinking water. And they did it with 100% compliance with the standards. But more importantly, they showed that it could be done, essentially unlocking a new branch on the skill tree of engineering that other cities can emulate and build on.

It’s the turkey from room service!

While COVID-19 transmission remains low in the US, health experts are anxious about the potential for a big summer wave as two factors seem set for a collision course: a lull in infection activity that suggests protective responses have likely waned in the population, and a new SARS-CoV-2 variant with an infectious advantage over other variants.

The new variant is dubbed NB.1.8.1. Like all the other currently circulating variants, it's a descendant of omicron. Specifically, NB.1.8.1 is derived from the recombinant variant XDV.1.5.1. Compared to the reigning omicron variants JN.1 and LP.8.1, the new variant has a few mutations that could help it bind to human cells more easily and evade some protective immune responses.

On May 23, the World Health Organization designated NB.1.8.1 a "variant under monitoring," meaning that early signals indicate it has an advantage over other variants, but its impact on populations is not yet clear. In recent weeks, parts of Asia, including China, Hong Kong, Singapore, and Taiwan, have experienced increases in infections and hospitalizations linked to NB.1.8.1's spread. Fortunately, the variant does not appear to cause more severe disease, and current vaccines are expected to remain effective against it.

Read full article

Comments

Texas officials suggested the federal government could pick up construction. However, during President Trump’s first term, his administration built about one-third of what the state was able to put up in the same amount of time.

Texas hemp users stockpile products and consider moving out of state as ban looms, saying the medical marijuana program is currently an untenable alternative.

A report also finds right-leaning audiences on X have almost doubled in the UK since Elon Musk's takeover.

The actor - best known for playing Chandler Bing on Friends – was found dead in his hot tub in October 2023.

This week, arts and cultural organizations across the state celebrate Juneteenth, a holiday honoring the emancipation of enslaved people in the U.S. Recognized in Texas since 1980, Juneteenth became a national holiday in 2021 due to the tireless efforts of Opal Lee, a Fort Worth-based educator and activist.

Learn more about upcoming events below, via descriptions provided by hosting institutions.

Austin

Neill-Cochran House Museum Juneteenth Celebration
Sunday, June 22; 12 – 4 p.m.

Join us for a day of reflection, celebration, and community as we commemorate emancipation and the struggles and triumphs of those who fought for freedom and the ongoing journey towards equality. 

Join a guided tour of Austin’s last intact slave dwelling. Meet the Buffalo Soldiers and learn about their contributions to American history. See the Rhea Rose (Phoenix Art Studio) art pop-up and the temporary exhibition, The Floating World by Daryl Howard, on display inside the museum. View Fidencio Duran’s interior mural, Give Us This Day, recently installed at the museum.

Enjoy free barbecue lunch from James Beard award nominated Damien Brockway – while it lasts. Join a family-friendly craft activity making fans. Then finish the day with a glorious gospel performance by Christopher D. Spivey & Co.

This event is free and open to the public and includes lunch and refreshments.

Dallas

South Dallas Cultural Center Juneteenth Artist Showcase
Thursday, June 19; 12 – 5 p.m.

Join us for our Juneteenth Artist Showcase on June 19, from 12 p.m. to 5 p.m. Be prepared for a night full of fun and good vibes. This celebration is free to sign up and is suitable for all ages.

Free Entry

Juneteenth Celebration at the African American Museum
Saturday, June 21; 11 a.m. – 4 p.m.

Celebrate Juneteenth at the African American Museum of Dallas! Bring the whole family and spend the day exploring rich history, powerful exhibits, and special programming designed for all ages. From storytelling and live performances to hands-on activities, it’s a day of culture, community, and commemoration you won’t want to miss. Admission is free — join us as we honor freedom and heritage together!

Fort Worth

Declarations of Freedom presented by the National Juneteenth Museum at Fort Works Art
Thursday June 12 – Saturday, July 19

Declarations of Freedom inaugural exhibition presents an exhibition of contemporary art and selected works from the permanent collection, featuring works from artists whose practices are at the nexus of Juneteenth history and the ever-continuing process of liberation.

Featuring works by: Spencer Evans, Peter H. Feresten, Johnny Floyd, Robert Hodge, Letitia Huckaby, Sedrick Huckaby, Assandre Jean-Baptiste, ann johnson, Delita Martin, Vicki Meek, Floyd Newsum Jr., Phillip Pyle II, and Irene Antonia Diane Reece

National Juneteenth Museum’s Freedom Vibes
Thursday, June 19 – Sunday, June 22; various times and locations

Produced by the National Juneteenth Museum, this four-day event will take place in Fort Worth, Texas, the fastest-growing city in America and home of the upcoming museum. Attendees will engage in a vibrant celebration of freedom, history, and community. The festival will support the museum’s programming and elevate its brand profile to new heights.

Houston

Juneteenth @160 Buffalo Soldiers National Museum
Thursday, June 19 – Saturday June 21

The Center for African American Military History, which operates the Buffalo Soldiers National Museum, will celebrate the 160th Anniversary of Juneteenth with a three-day celebration centered on community engagement, empowerment, and education. The celebration will include exhibits, panel discussions, artistic installations, and interpretations related to the Emancipation Proclamation complemented by a living history encampment.

Terms & Conditions: The Promise vs. Reality at the University Museum at Texas Southern University
Thursday, June 19 – Sunday, August 3

The United States Colored Troops (USCT) fought for freedom proclaimed yet persistently withheld or in conflict. Their service was a revolutionary act of self-definition, a radical claim to personhood, dignity, and citizenship, even as the systems around them refused to fully deliver on those promises. This exhibition reflects on the legacy of that struggle and asks what freedom has looked like for Black Americans across generations when that freedom has so often come with conditions.

Terms & Conditions: The Promise vs. Reality invites audiences to explore the complex evolution of emancipation and Black liberation through the lens of historical context and the Black imagination. Contemporary artists use their creative practice to investigate, challenge, and reimagine what freedom has meant to the USCT during “emancipation” and Black Americans across time, space, and built-in systems of anti-blackness.

Museum of Fine Arts, Houston Writers Remix Series: Juneteenth
Friday, June 20; 6:30 – 7:30 p.m.

Experience modern and contemporary works of art through the written word. In addition to celebrating Juneteenth, this session of the Writers Remix Series focuses on the installation Hidden Histories on Level 3 of the Kinder Building. Local writers recognize Juneteenth by performing original works, all within the Museum galleries.

Make an evening of it and start off at Happy Hour Friday. Sip on a drink and soak in the ambience before the performances begin.

Performing artists: David Landry, Tasiah Iman, Marie Brown, and C.T.

San Antonio

San Antonio Museum of Art ​​Off the Wall: Celebrating Juneteenth
Tuesday, June 17; 5:30 – 6:30 p.m.

Come celebrate the 160th anniversary of Juneteenth, the day U.S. General Gordon Granger ordered enforcement of the Emancipation Proclamation in Texas, by looking at how several contemporary Black artists have used their work to claim space. This tour will include conversation about a variety of pieces including Willie Cole’s How Do You Spell America #6 and Matthew Angelo Harrison’s Beloved Worker now on view in our special exhibition Readymade Remix.    

Off the Wall is a curated tour series that explores special topics across SAMA’s collections. Each session is developed and facilitated by passionate docents who can’t wait to share the stories behind SAMA’s most captivating artworks and hidden gems.

Freedom’s Song: A Journey Through Gospel Radio
Wednesday, June 18; 5 – 9 p.m.

Presented by The San Antonio African American Community Archive and Museum, in partnership with Bexar County and The Tobin Center. Join us for an uplifting celebration of gospel radio’s enduring legacy, featuring the San Antonio Gospel Heritage Choir under the direction of Rev. Dr. Lemelle Taylor, Michael A. Potts, and Earl “Skip” Jackson. With special guest Dr. Bobby Jones — legendary gospel artist and host of the Bobby Jones Gospel Radio Show — this soul-stirring concert will honor gospel greats past and present through music, stories, and rare archival moments.

SAAACAM Green Book Civil Rights Bus Tour
Thursday, June 19; 1 – 3 p.m.

Did you know that San Antonio had over 80 Negro Motorist Green Book sites? Embark on a 2.5-hour journey through San Antonio’s historic East Side neighborhoods with us as we uncover the stories of African American entrepreneurship, resilience, community, and travel. Our trip will begin at the Brackenridge Parking Garage at 3501 Avenue B.

The post Juneteenth Events Across Texas appeared first on Glasstire.

CHATTANOOGA, TN—In the midst of an armed bank robbery that authorities said is still ongoing, an unidentified gunman allegedly took a huge swing during a tense standoff Monday when he ordered his hostages Buffalo chicken pizza.

Law enforcement officials confirmed the First National Bank downtown had been surrounded by SWAT teams for over six hours when the would-be thief called to purchase three 18-inch Buffalo chicken pizzas for those he had trapped inside. The suspect, who is armed with an AR-15 and a handgun, reportedly opted to skip over classic crowd-pleaser toppings and take a gamble with the novelty flavor, which features spicy fried chicken, mozzarella, and a blue cheese drizzle.

“At 6:49 p.m., the gunman contacted Rosario’s Pizza and inquired about the menu with what we now know were reckless intentions,” said Chattanooga police chief Daniel Beaufort, who added that workers at the pizzeria options that the robber dismissed immediately as “too basic” and “boring.” “Although the hostages pleaded for more straightforward pies like cheese, pepperoni, and vegetable, the suspect brazenly disregarded their preferences and rolled the dice with an unconventional choice called the Buffalo Blast.”

“What kind of monster would place an order like that?” Beaufort continued. “Just because you like Buffalo chicken pizza doesn’t mean everyone else will.”

According to officers on the scene, the gun-wielding individual took more than a dozen people hostage, including a 64-year-old security guard who experiences occasional acid reflux, a 10-year-old boy who is a picky eater, and a 39-year-old bank teller who is generally adventurous when it comes to food but strongly dislikes the taste of blue cheese.

The suspect allegedly chose blue cheese drizzle over ranch, raising concerns among bystanders that those trapped inside would be unlikely to eat more than a bite of the specialty pie, particularly if it was the kind that is also topped with diced carrots or celery.

“My husband is in there, and he’s very particular when it comes to food,” said Chattanooga resident Brenda Klein, whose spouse Jeff is being held at gunpoint within the bank and failed to eat lunch today. “He’s 76 years old and very stuck in his ways. He loves pizza, and he loves wings, but I know for a fact that he won’t like them together.”

“Plus, with all that hot sauce, he’ll definitely get heartburn,” Klein added. “Please, somebody help him. I don’t want him to get sick.”

Outside, SWAT team negotiators used a megaphone to remind the gunman that he was ordering for a large group, so at the very least it was polite to get a few assorted sides like mozzarella sticks, garlic bread, or a salad for his pickiest captives.

One hostage, who managed to escape through a back door, described a chaotic scene in which the group’s captor brashly refused to consider their tastes when ordering a 2-liter bottle of Crush grape soda rather than a more traditional Pepsi or Sprite, telling everyone to simply “trust him” when he was urged to rethink things.

“At first I was scared, and I didn’t want to try the pizza at all,” said First National Bank teller Alan Walters, adding that he hid in a closet until the gunman kicked down the door and demanded he try a bite. “I tried to say no, but he told me it was his favorite pizza on the menu and threatened to kill me if I didn’t have a little. Eventually, I took a bite and loved it.”

“Where has this pizza been all my life?” Walters continued. “Thank goodness I made it out alive and can order it again.”

At press time, the hostages had reportedly risen up and killed the gunman after he promised to order them another novelty pizza called the “Mac Attack,” which features a large scoop of mac and cheese on top.

The post Gunman Takes Huge Swing   Ordering Hostages Buffalo Chicken Pizza appeared first on The Onion.

Hey, guys. It’s me, acclaimed filmmaker Wes Anderson. I just finished my latest movie, The Phoenician Scheme, and it’s going to be great. It’s got everything—an ensemble cast of A-listers, set designs to die for, and a mid-century setting in exotic locales. But real quick, before I go ahead and release it, I wanted to ask, are you sure you’re still in the mood for one of my movies?

You know, with everything that’s been going on lately?

I just thought that maybe I should check in first. Because I would hate to release The Phoenician Scheme, my charming and absurdist black comedy caper, only for everyone to feel too weird to go see it—which, by the way, would totally make sense. I would feel weird if I were you. There’s a lot on your plates at the moment.

It’s okay. You can be honest with me. If Benicio del Toro wearing a fez is too much for you to handle right now, you can tell me.

But, I mean, hey, no judgment if you are in the mood to see it. Be my guest! If you’re ready to show up to the theater May 30—given the state of the world—and say, “One for The Phoenician Scheme, please,” all the more power to you. Maybe this 101-minute fanciful romp featuring Michael Cera as a private tutor who speaks in a Norwegian accent is exactly what you’re looking for. It won’t preserve habeas corpus or the First Amendment or civil rights. But it will make you think, “Huh, is that an oud I’m hearing in this Kinks cover?”

Oof. Things sure are bad. Thank God I moved to Paris 20 years ago!

Just as a gut check, how about I list off some of the things you might see in my movie and you tell me if they’re dealbreakers? Tom Hanks and Bryan Cranston rattling off my signature droll dialogue—enticing or not? What about meticulously framed scenes that blend nostalgia and melancholy with just a dash of whimsy? And do you like the idea of Benedict Cumberbatch as a character with elaborate facial hair named Uncle Nubar? Or is that kind of a red flag?

If you aren’t really feeling another one of my films, just let me know. All I’m trying to do here is make sure this is what you genuinely want. Don’t go just to make me happy. I’d have no problem sitting on the movie for a few years, if that’s what you need. Maybe I could release The Phoenician Scheme in 2028, or 2030. But then again, who knows— maybe things will be much, much worse by then. Maybe this is your last chance to see my work before total economic and democratic collapse.

Do you think there will be film festivals in the camps?

Shoot. Now I wish I’d made a movie about a film festival in the camps.

Don’t freak out. I’m not saying things will get worse. I’m just saying they could. I’m trying to be empathetic, as an expat. Of course, here in France, there are plenty of problems too. Not sure what they are, though. I get my news from literary magazines.

So, I don’t know, what do you think? You want it? You want The Phoenician Scheme? Tilda Swinton isn’t in this one, if that sways your mind one way or the other. But Jeffrey Wright is back. He wears a sea captain’s hat and suspenders. Anyway, I have to go now. I’m riding my bicycle to the bakery. Just let me know by the end of Cannes. Au revoir.

The post You Sure You’re In The Mood For Another Wes Anderson Film With Everything That’s Going On? appeared first on The Onion.

BURLINGTON, VT—Receiving encouragement from her ob-gyn as she struggled amid the throes of childbirth, area woman Jill Henderson was assured while giving birth Tuesday that everything was looking gross down there. “You’re doing great, and your cervix is every bit as revolting as it should be at this stage of labor,” said Dr. Thomas Carver, who assured Henderson that if he weren’t desensitized from delivering hundreds of babies over the years, he would definitely be vomiting into a wastebasket right now. “There’s plenty of goop and mucus and God-knows-what else coming out of there, so we’re right on track. Just a few more big expulsions of absolutely nasty bodily fluids, and this horror show should be over!” At press time, Dr. Carver had reportedly informed Henderson that her labor was no longer progressing toward the necessary level of foulness and she would need to undergo a thoroughly hideous C-section. 

The post Woman Giving Birth Assured Everything Looks Gross Down There appeared first on The Onion.

The pair tied the knot in a small backyard ceremony Sunday at the childhood home of their Airbnb host.

The post Molly Hall and David Kerry appeared first on The Onion.

Todd Spangler, Variety:

Meanwhile, the Trump Mobile “47 Plan” is pricier than the unlimited plans from prepaid services operated by Verizon’s Visible, AT&T’s Cricket Wireless and T-Mobile’s Metro, which are each around $40 per month.

The Trump T1 Phone, which runs Google’s Android operating system, will cost $499. It features a 6.8-inch touch-screen with a 120 Hz refresh rate. The smartphone also has a “fingerprint sensor and AI Face Unlock,” according to the company’s website. Reps for Trump Mobile didn’t respond to an inquiry about what company is manufacturing the Android phone.

The Wall Street Journal, “Trump’s Smartphone Can’t Be Made in America for $499 by August”:

A spokesman for the Trump Organization said in an email that “manufacturing for the new phone will be in Alabama, California and Florida.”

Despite the language in the press release, Eric Trump indicated that the first wave of phones wouldn’t be built here. “You can build these phones in the United States,” the Trump son told podcaster Benny Johnson on Monday morning on The Benny Show after holding up a gilded device that looked just like an Apple iPhone. “Eventually, all the phones can be built in the United States of America. We have to bring manufacturing back here.”

The Journal goofs, bigly, by claiming that the T1 “shows some specs that would beat Apple’s biggest, priciest iPhone models”. The T1 specs are so idiotic that one of them claims “5000mAh long life camera”, conflating battery capacity with (I guess?) focal distance.

The Verge, “The Trump Mobile T1 Phone Looks Both Bad and Impossible”:

Where things get especially strange, though, is its supposed combination of Android 15, 5G, and a 3.5mm headphone jack. In many ways, these are opposing specs: Android 15 is generally only available on very recent devices, many cheap phones still don’t support 5G, and almost every phone maker has stopped including headphone jacks with their devices in the last few years. There are a few that have both, but modern phones with a headphone jack are few and far between. And pretty much all made in China.

I don’t know what will be funnier — if Trump himself starts using one of these, or if he doesn’t.

I’ll give them credit for making them available exclusively in gold. That’s on brand. But I’m guessing the quality will be on par with Trump Watches, which is to say, “RUMP”-quality.

Eli Tan and Mike Isaac, reporting for The New York Times:

On Monday, WhatsApp said it would start showing ads inside its app for the first time. The promotions will appear only in an area of the app called Updates, which is used by around 1.5 billion people a day. WhatsApp will collect some data on users to target the ads, such as location and the device’s default language, but it will not touch the contents of messages or whom users speak with. The company added that it had no plans to place ads in chats and personal messages.

(a) I’ve never once looked at the Updates tab in WhatsApp; (b) does anyone believe they’re not going to put ads in the other tabs sooner or later?

When your DM introduces an NPC that starts giving you exposition, this is their subtly hint that you should kill them immediately. They are the bad guy in disguise!

It’s just a makeup line, not where my face ends.

For tens of thousands of U.S. service members with undocumented family members, there’s no guaranteed protection from immigration raids.

The Salvadoran man was mistakenly deported in a widely publicised case, but was brought back to the US to face criminal charges.

Organisers said hundreds of demonstrations were held in a day of defiance to counter a military parade hosted by Trump.

Vance Luther Boelter attempted to kill two other Minnesota state lawmakers, authorities revealed at a press conference on Monday.

A large pot sits in plain sight. There’s a frog in it.

Every day, Leader announces his plans to boil the frog. His campaign slogan was “BOIL THAT FROG.”

He has already made at least one run on the stove.

A man stirs the pot with a large stick. “It’s a metaphor,” he says.

The frog is sweating.

The frog is informed that this is due to a natural variation in temperature.

“He’s clearly boiling the frog,” say the other frogs.

All books about frogs have vanished from the library.

You ask the man with the stick about the purpose of the pot. “It’s a melting pot,” he says. “What are you melting?” you say. The man keeps stirring.

You ask about the frog. The man says something about the price of eggs.

A panel on TV debates the ethics of boiling the frog. The panel is composed of twelve herons and no frogs.

The Amphibian Conservation Organization is stripped of government grants. All funding is redirected to the new Department of Frog-Boiling.

The frog treads water. He’s reassured that the water is unfluoridated.

Leader tells other frogs not to worry. Healthy, hard-working frogs are fine. They can climb out of the pot whenever they want.

The US Secretary of Health says that boiling water is actually good for frogs. It keeps them from turning gay.

You ask about the frog. You’re reassured that it’s a nonnative species.

The pot bubbles. When the frog croaks, he’s told to speak English.

Due to a funding increase, the pot has tripled in size. The frog can no longer touch bottom.

The frog receives a text message asking him for three dollars.

The man with the stick adds garlic and butter to the pot. He seems to be following a European recipe for frog-boiling. He’s already halfway through.

You ask about the frog. “What frog?” he says.

All frogs are encouraged to call their representatives every day to request not to be boiled. They’re told their calls are very important.

You ask to turn off the stove. You’re told, “We can revisit this in four years.”

A panel on TV debates whether the frog is being boiled or merely poached. The herons lick their lips.

You walk by a pond. Every lily pad is empty.

The frog roils and flails in the pot, striking against the walls. Bump. Bump. Bump. The frog is accused of rabble-rousing.

The National Guard is deployed to subdue the frog.

You try to turn off the stove. Twenty masked men in body armor hit you with rubber bullets and tear gas.

The air smells like soup. A timer dings.

The room feels like a sauna. Your ankles are wet. When you open your mouth, out comes a croak.

Reps. Veronica Escobar and Joaquin Castro were among the 45 elected officials placed on a hit list by a man accused of killing a former Minnesota House speaker and her husband.

Yvette Hoffman, one of the victims of Saturday's shootings, shielded her daughter from being shot.

It’s a special “where are you now?” season at Ask a Manager and I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer whose boss hadn’t talked to her since his drunken striptease? Here’s the update.

The commentator who stated, “In vino veritas,” hit the mark.

Days after my question appeared online, I sat, scrolling through comments, crying into my wine. I intended to phone a friend. Instead, I drunk dialed my boss — on his work phone.

Will answered. Immediately recognizing that I was drunk, he said, “Hang on. I’ll call you right back on my personal phone.”

In the call that followed, he confessed to having a crush on me since his very first day as my supervisor. And he admitted that he wanted me to join him for a sexual liaison in the loft. I admitted that as much as I liked him, I didn’t like being pursued by someone who was married.

You read right — married. In my initial letter, I lied to protect him. The first lie was saying he was divorced. The second lie was claiming the tip happened in August. Really, it occurred in September.

Rather than agree to keeping everything professional and above board from then on, Will insisted that he and his wife had separated. Then he convinced me to engage in phone sex. After that he pursued me relentlessly. And I’ll admit, I liked the attention.

After swearing his divorce was final, Will planned a work-trip rendezvous for us in April 2024. Once he got what he wanted, he no longer had any use for me and did exactly what you said he’d do — lay the groundwork to fire me.

Will got a new supervisor in June 2024. She took an immediate dislike to me, often requiring me to work during approved leave, work 7 days per week, shorting my pay, etc. This culminated in me being required to work 27 consecutive days in January. At first, I thought he was going along with it because he was afraid that if I spoke up, he’d lose his job. That’d simply make him a coward, rather than malicious. Later, I learned I was wrong.

Other supervisors began talking. Before me, there was an employee who got involved with Will and ended up being transferred. I watched as Will started grooming another employee after he lost interest in me. Aside from the three of us, Will admitted to having an affair with another woman. And wouldn’t you know it — he and his wife are still together. Yeah, cheaters gonna cheat.

The constant stress resulted in a mental breakdown. I reported the hostile work environment to HR and the EEOC, then spent 3 months on FMLA. That ended up protecting my job long enough for the government to start offering voluntary separation incentive programs. I left my job with $25,000 in cash.

I am still emotionally broken and working through the betrayal trauma I suffered at Will’s hands. I have no idea what the future will hold. My EEOC complaint was accepted and is moving forward, so I hope there will be justice in the end.

The post update: my boss hasn’t talked to me since his drunken striptease appeared first on Ask a Manager.