Itâs five answers to five questions. Here we goâŚ
1. How to coach an employee to stop name-dropping
I manage a small team of five people. We are a very busy team, but I have had the great fortune to end up with people who are friendly, easygoing, and hard-working. None of us take ourselves too seriously, which is critical for surviving the work we do.
One of my staff members recently went on maternity leave, and another employee in the organization came over on assignment (letâs call her Jane). Jane briefly worked with our group a few years ago, for about a year, and then moved on to a different area. Since sheâs been with us, sheâs done great work, but her name-dropping is uncontrollable. Any time I task her with something, she drops in a mention about how she did X the last time she was here. She also talks (name-drops) incessantly about which senior manager likes her cookies (she bakes), and she knows this person in X branch, etc. etc. Itâs so tiresome, and it also really doesnât matter â no one on the team cares about who you know, we just care about getting the work done.
Sheâs only going to be with us for the year, but in the interest of making the next 11 months manageable (and doing her a kindness for future work), Iâd like to coach her on how to shift her habits in this area. Do you have any suggestions?
Iâm not sure you should! This might fall under the category of âpeople are allowed to have annoying personalities.â Itâs also possible that it will drop off as Jane starts to feel more comfortable and established on your team.
If itâs affecting her relationships with others on the team, Iâd be more inclined to address it, but then youâd be focusing on the specific effects youâre seeing â like, âWhen someoneâs explaining a project and you interject to explain who you know on the other team, it disrupts their explanation and takes us off trackâ or whatever specifically youâre seeing. But I suspect youâre better off just not reacting when she does it; hopefully over time sheâll see sheâs not getting the impressed response sheâs going for and will start feeling more secure about her place on your team.
2. Hiring a coach to teach someone not to be a jerk
Iâm an executive assistant in a multinational company and in one management team meeting we were informed that an employee has accused another employee of harassment. After HR looked into it, it was agreed that it wasnât necessarily harassment but a very serious behavioral issue with this employee, due to their personality and the way they address people. This person had been insulting the other employee on several occasions. One solution to this problem that was brought up was to get this employee a coach. Coaching sessions are quite expensive, and I donât understand why the company needs to spend money on coaching to teach an adult how to behave in a professional environment.
What is your opinion on this? I actually brought this up, and the answer I got in the meeting was that we do it when an employee is otherwise valued and very good at their job.
It is a bit ridiculous to bring in a coach to teach someone how to behave civilly with colleagues. But yeah, if someone is extremely valued (not just âdecent at their jobâ but unusually good) you do sometimes see companies try coaching. And sometimes it works! Some people really do have terrible interpersonal skills and do benefit from coaching on them. Itâs also not wrong to say, âWe donât think we should need to teach you to act like a decent humanâ â but for a company that really wants to keep the personâs skills, trying some short-term coaching isnât outrageous. That said, it needs to be short-term with clear outcomes laid out, and clear consequences if the person doesnât change, not just a way to avoid dealing with the problem.
3. Explaining Iâm giving myself meds with my phone
I just started a new job and itâs traditional in my field to go out for coffee and/or lunch with my colleagues. I enjoy this and want to do it! However, I have a medical condition that means that I need to give myself medication whenever I eat or drink most things that arenât water. I am able to do this very conveniently using my phone, which is awesome. But when I get my coffee or sandwich, I need to give myself medicine, and I feel horribly rude fiddling with my phone without explanation. (It takes about 10 seconds to a minute, depending on how cooperative the software is being.)
Can you help me with how to casually inform my colleagues that I am going to give myself medicine with my phone â without inviting a lot of followup or giving unnecessary detail? I donât actually want to tell my colleagues what my illness is, but I also need to take my meds.
âSorry, I just need a few seconds to do a medical thing with my phone.â
A lot of people wonât realize âmedical thingâ means âgiving myself medsâ; theyâll think youâre confirming a prescription or responding to a doctorâs time-sensitive message or similar ⌠and since those things are pretty boring, hopefully you wonât get many people asking about it. But if anyone does, itâs completely fine to say, âOh, just a minor medical thing, nothing to worry aboutâ or âOh, just a minor medical thing; I try not to bore people with it at work.â
4. How to handle blatant discrimination in a job interview
You have written in the past about professional situations that come up in movies and TV shows. I recently started watching the show âYoungerâ (even though it came out years ago). In the showâs opening scene, Liza, a 40-year-old seeking to re-enter the book publishing world after being away for 15 years raising her child, is interviewing for a job at a publishing house. Her two interviewers, 20-something women, are incredibly condescending regarding all of the latest media trends sheâs unaware of, and one of them nearly blurts out that Liza is too old before catching herself and claiming, implausibly, that she was going to say she was too âorange.â
The purpose of the scene is to set the table for the show by establishing that Liza will never get hired, which then leads to her claiming to be 26 at a subsequent interview and getting the job. But I couldnât help wondering: if such a scenario took place in a real-world interview, what would you recommend the job seeker do?
On the one hand, the age discrimination was pretty blatant. On the other hand, it would be the word of two company employees against her. And what would she have to gain by suing potential employers? She would almost certainly torch any future prospects in the industry. It might be good for society in general to expose that kind of discrimination, but as is frequently the case with whistleblowing, it would very likely come at a high personal cost.
I suppose one could engage in whatâs known as âputting the gun on the table.â You write a letter to the head of HR documenting what happened but donât explicitly threaten a lawsuit, and see how they react. But as much as I hate to admit it, itâs hard not to conclude that the smartest thing for Liza to do in that situation is exactly what she did do: nothing. (To be clear, lying about her age in subsequent interviews was decidedly not the smart thing to do.)
Yes, thatâs why so many (probably most) incidents of discrimination in interviews go unaddressed. People do the same calculation you did and decide itâs not in their best interests to pursue it.
Your âthis is what happenedâ letter to the company is a middle-ground option. You can also talk to an employment lawyer to get a better sense of likely outcomes if you do pursue legal action. But ⌠yeah.
5. Is unpaid work like this legal?
I recently started pet-sitting for a national pet-sitting company. I am a W2 employee, so this is not really gig work. However, the company is not at all transparent about pay. They pay per visit using some formula, but there is so much work required behind the scenes that is unpaid that far exceeds the stated visit time. So yesterday, for a 30-minute meet and greet, I ended up working over 2.5 hours and making $11. (This does not include driving to and from the assignment; itâs all actual work.)
Now, some of this is me being extra thorough with notes and prep, or being inefficient because I am new, but this is caring for someoneâs pet, so of course I am thorough! But some of it is actually required, like entering detailed notes into their app, and helping the customer sort out some confusion caused by the office in the name of good customer service.
Is this somehow legal? The offer letter stated an hourly rate, but the language around that was a bit weaselly so maybe they covered their butts that way? It just feels exploitative to me, which bothers me a lot, as weâre all just animal lovers trying to do a genuinely great job and make some money in a terrible job market.
Itâs not legal. If youâre a W2 employee (not a 1099 independent contractor), they are required by federal law to pay you for all time you spend working. Thatâs true even if you do more work than they require (like entering more detailed notes). They can say, âYouâre taking too much time to do this work and so weâre firing you for that,â but they do need to pay you for all the time you spend on the work.
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