
We hope you enjoyed this little trip down memory lane. And now, here’s our own Al “Jazzbo” Collins with a message.

We hope you enjoyed this little trip down memory lane. And now, here’s our own Al “Jazzbo” Collins with a message.

I’ll run the test again, but I won’t like it.
most wanted
![[img]:rncxnm](https://analognowhere.com/_/rncxnm/rncxnm.png)
Mata's list of most wanted hackers
https://analognowhere.com/_/rncxnm
It’s very easy to move through the world dull and unconcerned — one can slip into invisibility. A culture of comfort creates complacency. However, some take action. They aspire to be inspirational, not invisible. Ordinary people can not only be aspirational, but they can also make aspirational objects. Sometimes the seemingly unremarkable can be extraordinary and change how one sees the everyday. This is something I’ve been mulling over recently. Right now, there are a couple of exhibitions on display in Houston that reinforce this notion.

Robert Rauschenberg, “Sant’Agnese (Venetian),” 1973, mosquito net, wood chairs, shoelaces, and corked glass jugs, 32 1/4 × 105 3/4 × 22 1/8 inches. Robert Rauschenberg Foundation. © Robert Rauschenberg Foundation. Photo: Ron Amstutz
Robert Rauschenberg: Fabric Works of the 1970s just opened at the Menil Collection. The pieces are labeled fabric works, but they have the sensibility of his famous Combines. Even “combines” is a bit tricky here because they’re so distilled and essential. Haunting and poetic, many are more formally composed than earlier work, which felt like thesis-driven experiments in contrasting debris. Over 40 years old, this work still radiates life. The pieces are of a specific time and all time. Using humble materials and a smart installation, there’s a perpetual freshness about the work in this show.
The exhibition strikes a nerve causing my brain to flood with questions. How do these raw, unfussy materials retain such everlasting wonderment? The pieces use the meekest of stuff — commonplace cardboard, elongated sticks, drab drapery — many of which would be discarded in any other context. Yet the inanimate becomes animate here. In the brochure, Rauschenberg is quoted as saying, “I like the history of objects. I like humanitarian reportage.”
The key word here is “humanitarian.” Things are being repurposed which already have an existing record of being. Something like this makes me wonder what an inspired individual could make with a few recycled cans and some cast-off rubber bands.

Louise Nevelson, “Untitled,” 1963, cardboard, metal foil, paper, and tape collage on board, 36 x 24 inches. © 2025 Estate of Louise Nevelson / Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York
In New Classicism in Collage: Negret, Nevelson and Ramirez Villamizar at Sicardi | Ayers | Bacino, everyday materials such as wood and tape seem to work convincingly, too. Again, you see meager pedestrians become superheroes. Simple cardboard and wood punching above their weight, like a prizefighter with nothing left to lose. Never overly manipulated but purposeful in their repurposing.
These artists MacGyvered their way through their existing surroundings with astounding results. The marketplace is still inundated with pop art as well as many other 20th century “isms.” However, there’s a healthy distance from those labels now and these exhibitions shine in a different light. This is always the mark of strong work. When it’s able to unpack itself in a new way for a new generation.
We live in a digital time where so much tactility is deciphered through a screen. To experience work like this in person is to be reminded of the neglected everyday that surrounds us. A reminder to go out and pay attention to what you see. Not what you think you see.
Not all art is an assault on the senses. It isn’t necessarily a runaway train of imagination, yet something equally as powerful. A simplicity of materials designed to prompt everyday contemplation.
There’s something so wonderfully commonplace yet uncommon about these exhibitions. The work here sings poetically and discerningly. A reminder that you need very little to make a lot.
The post The Ordinary Becomes Extraordinary appeared first on Glasstire.
WASHINGTON—Roundly criticizing the provision to outlaw many hemp products that was included in the bill to reopen the government, industry leaders warned Friday that the federal hemp ban threatened the overall identity of Evan Brucker, 32, a local guy whose whole deal pretty much begins and ends with hemp. “Congress may claim the provision only restricts the sale of hemp-derived synthetic cannabinoids, but in reality, this punitive legislation will wipe out up to 95% of Mr. Brucker’s entire thing, from his morning CBD tea routine to his hemp-seed-oil aromatherapy sessions to the affordability of his entirely hemp-fiber wardrobe,” said National Hemp Association chair Geoff Whaling, adding that the law, which he called an “unwarranted assault” on the legal hemp industry, would effectively kneecap the only topic Brucker seems able to discuss with friends, family, and coworkers. “Anyone who has ever spent time seated next to Mr. Brucker on an airplane knows that hemp is an environmentally friendly renewable resource with countless health benefits. Yet this law will limit Mr. Brucker’s ability to produce the homemade hemp-wax candles he gifts for every special occasion and prevent him from selling his tinctures and twine every weekend at the farmers market. Perhaps most troubling, however, is that this ban will threaten the stability of several local businesses, as gas-station employees, who know Mr. Brucker simply as ‘that white guy with the dreads,’ report that his daily purchases of THC-infused gummies and vape cartridges make up a meaningful share of their revenue. It appears Congress is totally unaware that hemp is the only thing this guy’s got going on right now.” At press time, sources confirmed that in response to the hemp ban’s passage into law, Brucker had decided to just get really into actual weed again.
The post Federal Hemp Ban Threatens Local Guy’s Whole Deal appeared first on The Onion.
WASHINGTON—Urging low-income Americans to be patient as officials worked around the clock to restore normal operation, the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program issued a statement Friday warning recipients that it could take days before their kidneys regained function. “As staff are reinstated and payments begin to roll out, please expect delays in filtering out impurities in your bloodstream,” read the statement in part, which emphasized that while beneficiaries could expect the swelling in their limbs to go down as soon as next Wednesday, it would take longer for those seeking relief from nausea, itchy skin, shortness of breath, and fluid retention in the lungs. “We’ll likely have blood pressure regulation up and running by the end of the day; however, balancing electrolytes is a complex process that could take weeks to bring back online. Please know we’re doing everything in our power to ensure your organ functions are brought back to their pre-shutdown state in a timely manner.” The statement concluded by pledging that by Thanksgiving, all families who receive SNAP benefits would be able to enjoy full, healthy urine streams together.
The post SNAP Warns Recipients It Could Be Days Before Kidneys Regain Function appeared first on The Onion.
BATH, ENGLAND—Saying the discovery shed new light on the infamous German dictator’s life, University of Bath researchers revealed DNA sequencing Friday showing that Adolf Hitler was a type of fern. “After analyzing genetic material taken from Hitler’s bunker and comparing it with DNA from one of his known relatives, we’ve determined with 97% certainty that Adolf Hitler belonged to the species Matteuccia struthiopteris, commonly known as the ostrich fern,” said research leader Alistair Wending, adding that the findings could explain the fondness for moist, loamy soils Hitler described in his autobiography Mein Kampf. “The revelation that Hitler was a seedless vascular plant lends credence to the widespread belief that he reproduced via spores, as alluded to in the popular Allied novelty song ‘Hitler Has A Sporangium.’ It could also explain the dictator’s idiosyncratic diet of dissolved mineral nutrients and partial sunlight, as well as his signature fiddlehead mustache and his choice to wear uniforms that concealed his green, feathery fronds. Most significantly, though, our research finally debunks the rumor that Hitler had Jewish ancestry, proving instead that he evolved from Devonian psilophytons.” Wending told reporters his team’s next project would investigate whether Benito Mussolini had been a moss of the division Bryophyta.
The post DNA Sequencing Reveals Hitler Was Type Of Fern appeared first on The Onion.
WASHINGTON D.C. – With the release of thousands of emails from notorious sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein implicating President Donald Trump, the POTUS is deflecting by boldly alleging that every single man, woman, and child living in the United States are also named in the secret files. “Sure, maybe I’m in the Epstein Files, but so […]
The post Trump accuses all 342 million Americans of also being in Epstein Files appeared first on The Beaverton.
Australian researchers identified a new species of native bee with tiny horn-like projections on the female’s face, prompting comparisons to a Satanic figure. What do you think?

“Why do people see little horns and leap to ‘devil’ instead of ‘juvenile gazelle?’”
Andre Livingston, Tortilla Presser

“This is making me insecure about my horns.”
Prudence Cole, Lecture Auditor

“Huh. I didn’t realize bees had started a war against heaven.”
Glen Begley, Uplighting Specialist
The post ‘Lucifer Bee’ With Devil-Like Horns Discovered In Australia appeared first on The Onion.
The post Ghislaine Maxwell Conceals Escape Tunnel Behind Pinup Poster Of Shirley Temple appeared first on The Onion.
Brendan Carr shouldn’t be able to do what he’s been doing at the Federal Communications Commission. That’s the argument put forth by seven former FCC commissioners — five of them Republicans — after seeing Carr dig up a rarely used old policy to twist the media toward Donald Trump’s political interests.
The policy in question goes by the name of “news distortion,” and these commissioners say Carr is using it unconstitutionally:
The Supreme Court has “many times held, in many contexts, that it is no job for government to decide what counts as the right balance of private expression — to ‘un-bias’ what it thinks biased, rather than to leave such judgments to speakers and their audiences.” Nor does government have any “power to restrict expression because of its message, its ideas, its subject matter, or its content.” Even false speech is protected by the First Amendment. TheCommunications Act similarly denies “the Commission the power of censorship” or the ability to “interfere with the right of free speech.” Yet the current FCC Chairman has asserted the power todo precisely what the Supreme Court and Congress have forbidden, and what former FCC general counsel declared the agency could not do: “act as a self-appointed, free-roving arbiter of truth in journalism.”To achieve this, Chairman Carr has invoked the news distortion policy and the public interest obligations of broadcasters. We ask the Commission to rescind the news distortion policy and affirm that the agency cannot police broadcaster licensees’ speech for bias or the falsity of the speech they carry, except under the exceedingly narrow circumstances of the broadcast hoax rule.
Carr has been more than happy to use the idea of news distortion as a cudgel against Trump critics, as The Washington Post reminds us:
After Carr assumed the FCC chairmanship in January, he reopened a months-old complaint from the Center for American Rights, a conservative legal organization, filed in October 2024 against CBS stations carrying the “60 Minutes” interview with Democratic presidential candidate Kamala Harris, claiming it had been misleadingly edited. Carr also reopened a complaint against ABC over presidential debate moderation. FCC staff had previously dismissed both cases under the prior administration.Trump sued CBS News over the Harris interview and settled out of court for $16 million as parent company Paramount sought regulatory approval for its deal to merge with David Ellison’s firm Skydance. The FCC approved the $8 billion deal in July.
Carr publicly accused NBC and parent company Comcast of news distortion over its coverage of Kilmar Abrego García’s wrongful deportation from the United States. Carr accused Abrego García of being a gang member, which he has denied and the administration has not been able to substantiate. “Comcast knows that federal law requires its licensed operations to serve the public interest,” he posted on X. “News distortion doesn’t cut it.”
In September, Carr cited the policy when he threatened ABC and parent company Walt Disney Co. over late-night host Jimmy Kimmel’s comments about the killing of right-wing influencer Charlie Kirk. “We have a rule on the book that interprets the public interest standard that says news distortion is prohibited,” he said on a podcast before adding, “We can do this the easy way or the hard way.” Later that day, television affiliate owners Nexstar and Sinclair said they would preempt “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” before ABC pulled Kimmel off the air; he returned one week later.
So what is the news distortion policy? For an ironic look, check out this 2019 paper by Joel Timmer of Texas Christian University, which lays out the history. Timmer presciently cites the news distortion policy — which dates to 1949, a somewhat different time for media — as a tool a pro-Trump FCC might use to attack its perceived enemies in the press. It’s not a regulation; it’s a general policy that evolved “through the adjudicatory process in decisions resolving challenges to broadcasters’ licenses.” Citing earlier work by Chad Raphael, he lays out what that evolved definition of “news distortion” entails:
First, there must be an accusation of deliberate intent to distort the news or mislead the audience. Audience complaints of inaccuracy or disagreement with the broadcaster’s legitimate editorial choices are not enough to trigger FCC scrutiny.Second, the accusation must be supported by evidence extrinsic to the broadcast itself. Otherwise, the FCC will not inquire into “a dispute as to the truth of the event (i.e., a claim that the true facts of the incident are different from those presented)…
Third, this evidence must show that the distortion was initiated by or known to the licensee or to “its principals, top management or news management.”
Fourth, distortion must involve a significant event, rather than an incidental part of the news. The FCC will not inquire into “inaccurate embellishments concerning peripheral aspects [of reports or] attempts at window dressing which concerned the manner of presenting the news [when] the essential facts of the news stories to which these presentational devices related were…broadcast in an accurate manner.”
In short, “The real criterion is whether the public is deceived about a matter of significance.”
So how has this policy been enforced? Over its first 70-plus years, it was only invoked in eight cases. In three of those cases, the FCC simply wrote a letter of reprimand. In two others, the “distortion” combined with multiple other infractions led the FCC to make a station’s next license renewal have a shorter term than usual, so it would be up for approval again more quickly. In the other three, distortion was only one of multiple infractions that led to a station losing its license.
What were those three cases? Two were the fault of 1970s shock jocks. A Miami station decided to promote its newest disc jockey by falsely claiming that he’d had a bad trip, had gone missing, and was now wandering the streets of Miami, disoriented. They “reported” made-up updates about his disappearance in the middle of their real newscasts, leading area residents to lead real search efforts. Another came when a Tucson radio station decided to do something similar, staging a “kidnapping” of a DJ and, again, reporting it as real news for days on end. The third involved the owner of several Indiana radio stations who “had directed news personnel to mention only positive news regarding senate candidates he favored, and to report only negative news about one of his favored candidate’s opponents.”
In all three cases, the “news distortion” finding was only a small part of a longer list of offenses that led to the license non-renewal. (These WKRP-esque stations also seem somewhat different from 60 Minutes? But maybe that’s just me.)
The irony I mentioned earlier? In his paper, Timmer was pretty convinced that “news distortion” claims were so “very difficult [to prove] and uncommon” that they were unlikely to be of any use by even a Trump-run FCC.
As the foregoing analysis establishes, the FCC’s ability to take action against news organizations that allegedly provide fake news is extremely limited…Even then, false news stories on broadcast media are provided a significant degree of protection by the First Amendment, in that their falsity alone cannot be the basis for sanctioning them. Instead, the false statements must be combined with some other element or elements — such as knowledge, intent or harm — that narrows the reach of actions against false speech. Both the news distortion policy and the broadcast hoax rule contain such narrowing elements. While these narrowing elements make it likely the rules would survive constitutional challenge, they also significantly limit the applicability of those rules to more extreme situations…Trump has the First Amendment right to respond to speech he does not like. At the same time, however, the First Amendment prevents him from using the power of the government to punish speech based solely on his dislike of it, or his belief that it’s “fake.” As Justice Alito observed in Alvarez, “Allowing the state to proscribe false statements…opens the door for the state to use its power for political ends.” Thus, an allegation that a news story is “fake” is not sufficient for the FCC to take action against it. Both the news distortion policy and broadcast hoax rule require several elements, in addition to falsity, to be present for the government to sanction allegedly false news reports, thereby limiting the potential for the government to abuse its power in this area.
Ah, to live in the world Timmer sketches out here — one where FCC actions originate in commissioner votes instead of podcast appearances; where news companies can be expected to pursue their due process rights rather than write a convenient check; where courts could be expected to step in before First Amendment harm is done. Sounds nice.
Oh when the saints
Come marching in
Oh when the saints come marching in
Well I sure wouldn't want to be a bad guy
When the phantom marches in! #CowboyWho
SEATTLE—In an effort that was intended to be subtle but was clearly targeted, local cat Arlo reportedly followed pet owner Joshua Rice around his apartment Friday like a racist Walgreens employee making sure a customer wasn’t going to steal anything. “That asshole thinks he’s being discreet, but I can see him staring at me as though I just pocketed an $8 deodorant,” Rice said of the 3-year-old cat, who trailed him through the kitchen, hallway, and bathroom, peeking around corners so as not to let the man out of his sight for one minute. “I could feel him singling me out the moment I walked through the door. I took one step toward the cabinet where I keep the treats, and I saw him lurching towards me. It’s a little messed up, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t used to it.” According to reports, when Rice headed toward the exit, the cat placed one paw on his leg as if he were an irate security guard demanding a customer empty his pockets.
The post Cat Follows Man Through Apartment Like Racist Walgreens Employee appeared first on The Onion.
After decades in the House of Representatives, Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has announced she will not seek reelection next year. The Onion looks back at the former House speaker’s life and career.
Born in Baltimore with mark of the gavel on her forearm.
Poses for photo with President John F. Kennedy at inaugural ball after begging dad to spring for VIP meet-and-greet passes.
The Lost Years.
First and last time an intern gets her lunch order wrong.
Remains seated during State of Union speech while George W. Bush nearly chokes to death on pretzel.
Rallies House Democrats to pass legislation that controversially benefits Americans.
Purposefully gives Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wrong directions to congressional hearing room.
Goes to work in a shit-free office.
BLM tattoo removed.
Suddenly bad at stock trading.
The post Timeline Of Nancy Pelosi’s Career appeared first on The Onion.
The brides wrote their own vows in what turned out to be a generative fiction-writing prompt.
The post Sloan Wyckoff and Rowan Bishop appeared first on The Onion.
The citizens of Algebrania let out a mighty cheer after the wicked sorcerer Divisio, the Malevolent Mathgician, 3,500, was turned to dust by seventh grader Ben Louise correctly multiplying the denominators.
The post Divisio, the Malevolent Mathgician appeared first on The Onion.
You know me as the first Black woman to serve on the Supreme Court. Over the past three years, I’ve tried changing the system from within. I’ve written increasingly urgent court opinions. I’ve even deployed symbolism. For President Trump’s second inauguration, I wore a massive cowrie-shell collar honoring my African ancestry and the strength and ingenuity it requires to overcome America’s darkest days. Nothing gets through to you people.
In the last court term, I wrote ten dissenting opinions, more than any other justice. Have you previewed the horror show on the docket for this term? Alito just winked at me and asked if it’s too soon to joke that I don’t have the brain processing power to do this job.
Other Supreme Court justices like to pretend that we’re an apolitical group who can be friends despite our fundamental ideological differences. We bond over a shared ability to stash our humanity inside the pockets of our robes like wads of damp Kleenex. Let the record reflect: I can’t stand these people. You won’t catch me riding shotgun in Neil Gorsuch’s midlife-crisis convertible. I’m not RSVPing yes to an e-vite for dinner at Clarence and Ginni Thomas’s house.
When I was a student at Harvard, I took drama classes and even performed in an improv troupe with the corny name, On Thin Ice. Your justice has layers. Of course, my favorite musical is the hopeful reimagining of America’s birth, Hamilton. The good news is I work in the room where it happens. The bad news is the room is in hell, and Amy Coney Barrett keeps trying to touch my cowrie shells.
Do you remember the Supreme Court’s decision on Trump v. CASA? It happened months ago, so you’ve probably already suppressed it like voting rights are about to be. My conservative colleagues ruled in favor of limiting federal judges’ ability to block the president’s executive orders from going into effect across the country, even if they’re unconstitutional. Hostile reminder: Federal judges have been the only barrier between President Trump and his quest to end birthright citizenship. Until the Fourteenth Amendment established birthright citizenship, Black people weren’t considered citizens, because of a little thing called slavery. I was so freaked out by the ruling that I wrote my own dissent separate from the other liberal justices. To quote myself, this will “surely hasten the downfall of our governing institutions, enabling our collective demise.”
Uh, helllooo?
Maybe you caught my footnote where I compared our new era of unchecked presidential power to Nazi Germany.
America, are you seriously not picking up what I’m putting down? I’m old enough to remember when everyone was like “believe Black women.”
When my conservative colleagues let the president lift humanitarian parole protections for more than 500,000 migrants, I wrote that they were “rendering constraints of law irrelevant and unleashing devastation.”
Maybe you’d pay more attention if I started a Substack.
I can hear you worrying that I’m not impartial. My identity as a Black woman has heightened my empathy for marginalized groups and sensitivity to the government’s abuses of power. This is unlike white male justices who never let their racial or gender identity affect their decision-making. You might concede that this great nation was founded on a heady mix of democratic ideals, misogyny, and racism. (I would’ve thrown in white supremacy, but I know that I’m already… wait for it… On Thin Ice.)
While you realize birthright citizenship and the Voting Rights Act were once imperative to make America less racist, all that has become as unnecessary to you as affirmative action since you think we now live in a colorblind society. For proof, you look no further than the fact that I, a Black woman, get to be a Supreme Court justice in these final days of democracy.
I’ve seen it all. I’m the only Supreme Court justice in history to have previously served as a public defender. I grew up in Miami, or as I call it, the shadows of Mar-a-Lago. I eat lunch every day with Brett Kavanaugh. When I tell you this is dire, believe me.
The old mantle clock of my hero, Justice Thurgood Marshall, is displayed in my office. I know that as he looks down on me from the heavenly respite he so richly deserves, he thinks: America is still litigating voting rights? The Fourteenth Amendment? Abortion? Kentaji, what in the actual fuck?
A Supreme Court justice really is just a cog in an irreparably corrupt system. And as we listen together to his clock’s hand tick each fleeting second, we’re comforted by the knowledge that soon enough there won’t be a Supreme Court left.