The Interior Department announced plans to replace a picturesque image of Glacier National Park on the 2026 “America the Beautiful” pass with President Trump’s face, prompting a lawsuit from an environmental group. What do you think?
“At least we know the national parks will be around for one more year.”
Patrick Tirel, Systems Analyst
“What’s nature without Donald Trump glaring at you?”
Curtis Hoy, Maritime Reporter
“Have you seen his centerfold in the IRS Tax Guide?”
WASHINGTON—In response to her husband Vice President JD Vance beaming with excitement as she opened his Christmas gift to her, second lady Usha Vance reportedly forced a smile Thursday after unwrapping another Bible. “Oh, wow, another King James Bible, you shouldn’t have,” said Vance, placing the Christian religious text on a large stack of Old and New Testament translations her significant other had given her over the years. “I have some Vedas I’ve been meaning to read first, but I can’t wait to get to all of these Bibles soon. Oh, and it comes with a rosary. Yay.” At press time, Vance expressed some relief that it was another Bible and not “another fucking copy of Hillbilly Elegy.”
SAN FRANCISCO—Citing a right to keep their torsos sheathed in windproof synthetic fabrics, tech billionaires were reportedly threatening to flee California on Monday over a proposed statewide vest tax. “If the legislature passes this measure, you can bet that countless entrepreneurs and venture capitalists are going to pack their bags and move their gilet collections to Texas,” said tax advisor Aaron Faucher, who confirmed that several of his clients, including Larry Page and Peter Thiel, had already begun transferring garment bags to states more friendly to billionaire wardrobes. “Will they be sweatier wearing their insulated vests down in the Austin heat? Yes. But they earned that $300 Arc’teryx vest, and they’re not going to let some radical socialist take it away from them. The sweat stains will be worth it.” Faucher went on to say that billionaires’ vests had created thousands of dry-cleaning jobs in California.
WASHINGTON—Amid ongoing concerns over the aging president’s medical status, health speculations reportedly swirled Monday after President Donald Trump was seen with damage numbers above his head. “Recent photos of Trump appear to show him sustaining a series of double- and triple-digit damage values during a press event, fueling rumors that his hit-point pool may be rapidly dwindling,” said medical analyst Rebecca Benson, adding that several smaller numbers in purple, red, and light blue indicated that Trump had taken recurring damage from untreated poison, fire, and frost status effects. “These damage numbers contradict official White House claims that Trump has been running a completely hitless second term, and several larger numbers with exclamation points after them seem to confirm suspicions that Trump is suffering from critical damage multipliers. In a man of his age, even low-grade chip damage can be run ending, let alone the base 9999 damage value if Trump’s hidden ‘stroke’ status bar fills completely. Skilled doctors have struggled to outheal that kind of burst damage even in a tankier president like Gerald Ford.” At press time, Trump had taken to social media to deny that the damage numbers were his and claim that the Last Chance perk seen in one of the photos had actually been activated by an aide standing behind him.
Disney announced it will license over 200 Disney, Marvel, Pixar, and Star Wars characters for use on OpenAI’s Sora video-generating platform, with the deal also including a $1 billion investment in the AI company. What do you think?
“Now I’ll never know whether I’m talking to the real Scrooge McDuck or not.”
Orlando Cromer, Figurine Displayer
“This is gonna put so many talking cars out of work.”
Loretta Berkowitz, Unemployed
“It’s crazy to pay $1 billion when the Times Square Mickey Mouse will do absolutely anything you want for $5.”
In brief: Houston is back to more classic December fare today, with low clouds, a gusty wind, and temps in the 40s. We’ll have a couple chilly nights tonight and tomorrow night before we make yet another run toward 80 by Friday. New Year’s plans look delightful, with no weather concerns at all right now.
Whew! It feels quite different outside this morning. Here’s a map of our 24-hour temperature changes.
Temperatures are currently 15-25 degrees colder than Sunday morning across the area. (Pivotal Weather)
This is our first morning in the 40s since December 20th. In that stretch, we’ve had 8 days in the 80s and 1 day near 80 (79° on Christmas Eve). Only 2012 and 2021 saw more 80-degree December days. We also set or tied 6 record highs in that stretch, hitting 84° on Sunday, our 2nd warmest December day on record. But that’s done for now. And so we discuss cool temperatures.
Today and Tuesday
That wind is going to remain with us most of this morning. By afternoon, it will begin to wind down, though it’ll remain a bit breezy. Gusts have been north of 50 mph at Hooks Airport in Tomball and in Galveston, 48 mph at Hobby, and 40 mph at Bush. Temperatures won’t go very far today. If the low clouds can clear out this afternoon, we’ll attempt to get into the low-50s as the models suggest. If the low clouds stay put, I may be apt to undercut model guidance and say we limp into the upper-40s at best.
Tonight will be cold, and there is a chance that a few spots get down around the freezing mark. It will probably just be the Conroes and isolated pockets in the Brazos Valleys of the world that get there thanks to a continued breeze and continued clouds. But either way, expect 30s away from the coast, a few low 30s north and west and 40 to low 40s at the coast. Tomorrow night will be a bit colder.
Tuesday looks splendid with sunshine developing. We should easily push into the 50s with lighter winds. Thanks to those clear skies and lighter winds, Tuesday night should be a bit colder than tonight.
Expect more 30s area-wide and a chance of a light freeze creeping closer than Conroe, perhaps in some of the more wooded areas in Montgomery, Liberty, and northern Harris Counties or isolated rural pockets of Fort Bend and Wharton Counties.
New Year’s Eve & New Year’s Day
We start to turn the corner Wednesday back upward into the 60s. Thursday may even push close to or past 70 degrees. For most NYE festivities on Wednesday, it looks great: Sunny and pleasant for the kiddos celebrating Noon Years and clear skies, light winds, and evening temps in the 50s, dropping into the 40s around or after Midnight. Enjoy!
Friday into the weekend
Temperatures should peak on Friday, as we’ll make yet another run toward 80 degrees. It’s probably notable that most of the area has not seen any appreciable rainfall since the beginning of December, which likely isn’t hurting these temps at all.
Friday looks toasty. Again. (Pivotal Weather)
Whatever the case, the forecast trends a bit less confident beyond Friday, with some models indicating a bit of a small cool down, while others say Friday won’t be our last attempt to hit 80 degrees. Stay tuned.
GUELPH, ON – The scientific community celebrated a groundbreaking discovery this week, with researchers uncovering the existence of a Canadian tuxedo cat. The feline in question, whom researchers have officially dubbed Sample 501 and unofficially named Levi, has a coat made of head-to-tail blue denim. Neurological testing did not reflect any connection to the single […]
CHICAGO, IL – Last Friday, after being pushed down an escalator and forced to perform for hours on end, Slinky reached its breaking point. “I’m tired of bending over backwards for you people!” it shouted. “And I’m tired of bending over forwards too!” The beloved spring toy, a staple in the industry since 1945, has […]
There Are Many Different Kinds of Love, Brethren Arise, Candlepower, Cylinder Five, God Be With You Till We Meet Again, I Am Running Down the…, I Dont See the Branches I See the Leaves, I Want to Fall in Love on Snapchat, Out of the Skies Under the Earth, Take off and Shoot A Zero, The House Glows with Almost No Help, There Are Many Different Kinds of Love, all by Chris Zabriskie are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...) Source: http://chriszabriskie.com/vendaface/ Artist: http://chriszabriskie.com/
If it came out at any point other than the Christmas season, it’s not a Christmas movie.
Nightmare Before Christmas? Released October 13th, obviously a Halloween movie. Elf? Released November 7th, an early Thanksgiving parable about found families and sugar consumption.
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