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19 Jun 23:55

"You’re not supposed to be mine. You were not supposed to be made."

by Jia Tolentino
by Jia Tolentino

The New York Times has a piece today on the range of mental illnesses surrounding pregnancy that can no longer quite be summed up as post-partum depression, and a few women share stories that must have been frightening to speak about, both then and now:

When Benjamin was born, six weeks premature, Ms. Guillermo recalled thinking, “You’re not supposed to be mine. You were not supposed to be made.”

She had loved breast-feeding Christopher, but pumped milk for Benjamin. “I could not stand to have him at my chest,” she said. “I was like a robot. I changed him, I fed him, I burped him. Because I never held him, he started to get a flat head.”

She fantasized about abandoning Benjamin at a fire department, or faking an accident. She imagined driving at high speed into a wall, sparing Christopher’s life by intentionally wrecking the side of the car where Benjamin was strapped into a car seat.

Postpartum disorders can involve more intense visions than mental illnesses unrelated to childbirth, said Dr. Wisner.

Terrified she might hurt Benjamin, Ms. Guillermo said she thought about finding a family to adopt him. One night, “I just blurted out, ‘I don’t love Benjamin.’ ” She said her husband, stunned, assured her they would get her help, and said, “Until then, I will love him enough for both of us.”

[...] Suicidal, she tried to jump from a car as her husband drove, their sons in back, but she said he stopped her, telling her: “You will love Benjamin. We just need to get you on the right medication.”

The third drug combination she tried worked when Benjamin was 9 months old.

More at the Times.

2 Comments
19 Jun 23:49

Close Encounter of the Day: Up Close With an Alaskan Bear Just Chillin'

18 Jun 20:09

And that’s why cats shouldn’t be allowed phones

by thebloggess

Truthfully though, the same sort of progression happens to just about anyone when they begin taking selfies…

cat selfie

17 Jun 17:26

Test yourself: Are you preachy, arrogant, and annoying?

by Penelope Trunk
A.N

"People are aging better and better. Like, 60 is 40 which must mean that 80 is 60 and 60-year-olds have sex which must mean that 80-year-olds will have sex. But men aren’t really living to 80, only women. So I think there will be a surge in gay sex in nursing homes"

The secret to the success of this blog is that instead of showing you how perfect my life is, I show myself drinking in the morning, before work.

My husband is always worrying that I make us look bad, so he makes up rules like how I can’t write about our sex life, and then I violate the rules while pretending to follow them. Like, I write about our not-having-sex life.  For example, it’s asparagus season so there is no oral sex because asparagus doesn’t change the smell of just your pee.

The truth is that you guys don’t want to read anyone who thinks she knows everything, so I try to focus only on what I’m unsure about. Like, should you stay with a guy who throws furniture?

At the time I wasn’t sure. So the post was interesting. Now I’m pretty certain that unless that guy has a problem with drinking or drugs, you can stop relationship problems by taking more responsibility for your interactions. It takes two people to fight.

But you probably hated that paragraph because I’m telling you how to run your life. If you really want instructions for how to run your life you can go to church.

It’s more fun to learn things together. Like here’s something I just thought of: People are aging better and better. Like, 60 is 40 which must mean that 80 is 60 and 60-year-olds have sex which must mean that 80-year-olds will have sex. But men aren’t really living to 80, only women. So I think there will be a surge in gay sex in nursing homes.

I’m trying to think of how to capitalize on this trend. Maybe it’ll be a combination of sex aids and nostalgic games from the 70s.

Noa Kageyama’s post last week is about being right. Because he’s a good blogger, Noa blogs as he learns, and he recently learned about the Marshmallow Challenge, which is a great experiment and you should see this video about it. Anyway, Noa points out that if you are really concerned with being right then you are less likely to be right because you don’t test your knowledge. Because you are sure you are right.

This stresses me out because I like being right.

Something I am right about is when Cassie or Melissa or other people who I sometimes want to kill tell me that Quistic is a flailing company, I tell them all startups are failing companies until they are in the B round of funding, because all startups are really experiments to figure out what is right.

I am right about that even though I am not sure what is right yet about online learning. Good startups flail. Good founders enjoy that feeling.

So why can’t I accept flailing when it comes to homeschooling?

I want to line everyone up. Everyone in the whole world. And I want them to tell me that I am right about homeschooling and they wish they were me. They wish they were as brave as me. They wish they could trust their kids to learn as much as I trust my kids. I want to stand on top of the world and scream: Everyone who thinks I am more right than them about raising kids, raise your hand.

And everyone raises their hand.

Then I can be humble. People like humble. It’s a social skills rule. It’s why parents hate people who are not parents. Because parents think kids make you humble and humility is a good trait. And it’s why people who don’t have kids hate parents. Because people who think they are more humble than other people are actually preachy, arrogant, and unbearable.

Speaking of preachy, arrogant, and unbearable, this is happening on my homeschool blog. I am getting so worried that people think I’m wrong that I am yelling at everyone. I don’t have time to be fun and charming and humble because I want to smash everyone’s head together until they think like me.

But really, I am scared that I’m doing something wrong with my kids. When I’ve been scared before, I could hide it. Like, when I was in the mental hospital for postpartum depression, I just kept writing resume advice. But it’s hard to hide that I’m homeschooling. It affects everything. And I’m getting worse and worse at hidingWhich is probably good. But I’m still scared.

I wish I didn’t need other peoples’ approval.

The thing is, I don’t care if you think nursing homes will be full of sex toys. I know I’m right. I can move on. But I am stuck on homeschool. I can’t stand that people are sending their kids to school when I know they shouldn’t.

But I don’t want to admit that I’m unsure how to make homeschooling work. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I starting taking anxiety medicine when I starting homeschooling. And it’s not a coincidence that right after I started homeschooling Melissa started sending me fidget toys so I don’t pick my cuticles from anxiety. And I’m so nervous about not knowing what works to make a good life that I can’t even post this post on my homeschool blog. I don’t want anyone to know.

I just remembered that I was going to make a quiz for this post so you can test yourself to see if you are preachy, arrogant, and annoying. Here’s the test: What part of your life would you never tell your friend about? Whatever it is, that’s where you are preachy and arrogant. You don’t want to tell your friend so that you can pretend that you are good in that area. Secrets are the spots in our lives where we are most devoted to being preachy.

So we all fail the test. A better test would be: which fear can you face today? Find something no one knows about you. Or only a few people know. That’s the thing that you can’t stand admitting because then you can’t be high and mighty about it.

It’s one of the hardest things to do. It’s the focus of the majority of  coaching sessions I do. Invariably the thing that holds us back is we want to be admired for something that we do not actually deserve admiration for. It’s that gap that makes us stuck. And right now I’m suck in homeschooling hell.

13 Jun 14:26

Ta-Nehisi Coates on Not Knowing How Much You Don't Know

by Rebecca J. Rosen
 

Last night at the Sixth and I Synagogue in Washington, D.C., Ta-Nehisi Coates sat down with Jeffrey Goldberg to discuss his recent feature story "The Case for Reparations."

During the exchange, Coates responded to many of the criticisms his piece has received, including the charge that the case for reparations falls apart on the specifics of implementation: How would reparations work in a society of such varied experiences, when many black people don't have in their own families an experience of slavery or other historical injustices but are more recent immigrants?

To this Coates replied:

A lot of people think they are equipped to have this conversation and they are not. I just want to be really clear about this: Anyone who has read Colin Powell's biography—there's an entire section where he talks about experiencing segregation. Colin Powell did not appear when he became head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. That's not how it happened. Eric Holder? Eric Holder's family? You're right, his lineage is Caribbean. But his family was here in the 1960s and he 1950s. They were here. Eric Holder didn't appear as ... what was his position ... assistant attorney general or whatever he was in the Clinton [administration]. He didn't just suddenly appear.

It's very, very important ... it's really, really important that, you know, if we're going to have this fight, that folks educate themselves on the history. You can oppose reparations all you want, but you got to know the facts. You really, really do.

I don't want to single anybody out in that but I'm just going to say: We don't understand how much we don't understand.

And it's quite a bit. It's really, really quite a bit.

And I think, when people say, oh, you're just advocating another study because you're punting. No, you just have no idea how much you don't know. You know? We just don't. It's quite a bit.

You can watch the night's entire conversation above.








11 Jun 17:15

How to Make a Good Salad Without Dumb Leaves

by Dan Nosowitz
by Dan Nosowitz

kaaaaaaleWhen someone says salad, your first thought is probably a bunch of leaves, like lettuce or spinach or kale, plus some other stuff, and a dressing. Here’s the thing about the word “salad”: it means nothing. It doesn’t mean something cold; it doesn’t mean something raw; it doesn’t mean something with lots of different ingredients; it doesn’t mean something vegetable-based; and it CERTAINLY doesn’t mean a pile of leaves.

Leaves, even the stronger-tasting ones, are filler. No one has ever once thought, “Dang, this salad is good, but it’d be more good with more lettuce in it.” This idea of a leafy salad is perpetuated by make-your-own-salad joints that ask you to pick which kind of leaves you want. Do you want the spinach? How about the baby spring mix? Have you ever said “no leaves, thanks?” THIS WILL FLUMMOX MOST SALAD-MAKERS.

But there are a lot of reasons to ban leaves from salads! They go bad quickly, forcing you to consistently throw out half of each bag of salad greens you buy; they wilt even once they’re in the salad; they cannot be kept as leftovers, ever, since they rapidly turn into slimy organic compost. Also, making your salad consist of anywhere from thirty to sixty per cent leaves really limits your creativity. So let us forgo leaves. Let us not require our salads to rely on our least-favorite ingredient. Let us shape our own salad destiny.

Here are some good leaf-free summer salads.

somtum
1. Some version of a som tam salad.
Som tam is a Thai salad consisting of green, unripe papaya as its base. Other essential ingredients include peanuts and a lime/fish sauce dressing. Here is a good recipe. But it, like all salad recipes, is flexible. If you can’t find green papaya (I usually cannot!), you can substitute pretty much anything that’s crunchy and mild. Cucumber, zucchini, summer squash, sugar snap peas, and green beans all work very well when raw or very lightly cooked. You can substitute brown sugar for palm sugar, sambal oelek for fresh chili, and omit the dried shrimp if you can’t find any. The dressing—savory from the fish sauce, tart from the lime juice, sweet from the sugar, and spicy from the chili—is PERFECT. It can be hard to go back to vinaigrettes after you’ve made it. Note: this can also be done as a stir-fry (AKA “hot salad”): stir-fry some garlic, ginger, scallions, and chili in the bottom of a wok, add peanuts, then add in whatever (non-cucumber/mango) vegetable you’re using. Top with the same dressing.

israeli
2. Israeli salad
Israeli salad can and should only be made in the summertime, when you can get good tomatoes. Do not make this with bad tomatoes! If you do you’ll eat it and be like “IDK that was fine, I guess.” At its core, it is very simple: chopped tomato, cucumber, red onion, and parsley, with lemon juice and olive oil. But you can add lots of things to it: chickpeas for protein or feta cheese for salt and creaminess or bits of toasted pita chips for more crunch are both very good. This recipe recommends adding sumac. I’ve never done that, but sumac is good as heck; maybe I’ll try it and maybe you should too.

ceez3. Non-leaf Caesar salad
Caesar salad is, like, really delicious, if it’s done right. That anchovy-mustardy-lemony dressing is pretty amazing. So don’t ruin it by dumping it on some dumb Romaine lettuce that can never really appreciate its charms. Caesars are great with pretty much any raw vegetable, but right now is asparagus season, so let’s do that! Here’s a good recipe.

tatoes 4. Potato salad
I like the supermarket jugs of near-mashed mayo-y picnic salads as much as anyone, and I appreciate that potato salad has no leaves, but I think—as with coleslaw—that a vinegar-based dressing makes for a better, more refreshing, less-likely-to-make-you-feel-like-you’re-gonna-ralph salad than mayonnaise. Mark Bittman has a good recipe for a potato salad with a mustard vinaigrette, which I have tried and which is excellent. This salad is also good with pickled red onion/shallot.

frenchthing
5. Celeriac remoulade
This is a Jurassic-era French recipe, the kind of thing Julia Child would make and that I feel like you’d have a hard time finding in Paris today. I first had it in Montreal, where they still serve a lot of these old-ass uncool French dishes, and MAN IT IS DELICIOUS. Celeriac, or celery root, is the, um, root of the celery plant. It looks like a dumb idiot gnarled cancerous root system, but if you cut away all that nonsense and peel it, it turns out to be this fragrant delicious root vegetable that’s reminiscent of, but not quite like, celery. Celeriac remoulade calls for raw, grated celeriac, plus a very sour mayonnaise (the sourness coming from mustard and lemon juice). It’s kind of like French coleslaw! Here’s a good recipe.

berrybro6. Fruit salad
I LOVE FRUIT SALAD. Never ever buy a fruit salad. Always make your own fruit salad. If you make your own fruit salad, you will never again eat cantaloupe or honeydew with the flavor and texture of a raw Idaho potato. You are garbage, prepackaged fruit salad melon! Get in the garbage! Anyway, the key to fruit salad is to not be lazy. Don’t put a segment of orange or grapefruit in there with the pith or skin still on it. Supreme your citrus. Do not put whole strawberries in there; trim and slice them. Fruit salad should have a dressing, and it should have fresh herbs, like chopped-up basil and/or mint. Always. It’s also good to squeeze a little bit of lime juice and maybe some honey over the top to add some extra kick. As for ingredients, I don’t care, add literally whatever you want, but try to have a variety of flavors and textures. If you have something sweet and soft, like a banana, try to add something crunchy and tart, like a Granny Smith apple. Also, avocado is a fruit. Add it to fruit salad! Especially if you have grapefruit in there too.

chicksalad
7. Chana chaat
Chana chaat is an Indian chickpea salad, although I don’t think they refer to it as a salad? it seems like a salad to me. Anyway, chana chaat is basically chickpeas with a dressing, often with tamarind. This recipe is pretty good, although obviously you can use canned chickpeas and cumin powder (instead of toasting and grinding whole cumin seeds). Sure, it’d be better if you made your own chaat masala spice blend with whole spices and sure it’d be better if you used asafoetida (a spice which smells like actual poop), but, like, you don’t need to. Mostly this salad is about the chickpeas and the tamarind dressing, which is spicy and sour and sweet all at once. (Tamarind paste can be found in Indian and Mexican markets or Whole Foods, obvs.) I’d recommend adding a few things to this recipe (not leaves!), like sliced radish or cucumber or carrot or cauliflower for some crunch, and maybe some boiled potatoes because potatoes are good.

Armed with these recipes you can go forth and ENJOY your salad, rather than just eating it because it’s salad and you’re supposed to eat it to look thin and beautiful even though it looks and tastes like something you raked up. Eat good salads! Leave Leaves Behind!

Dan Nosowitz is a freelance writer/editor who lives in Brooklyn. He has serious opinions about the MTV Real World/Road Rules Challenge.

Photos by Dwight Sipler, Young Sok Yun, Lynn Gardner, Jacqueline, tracy benjamin, Daniel, madlyinlovewithlife, and Garrett Ziegler, respectively, via Flickr Creative Commons

0 Comments
11 Jun 17:11

DIY Adult T-Shirt To Girl’s Dress

by Heather

Adult T-Shirt to Girl's Dress

When I ordered my Wonder Woman shirt for Annabel’s birthday party, the company sent me the wrong size. They immediately sent me a new one, but told me I could keep the old one. “Do something fun with it,” the guy on the phone told me. It was too small for me, but too big for Annabel. But, I still put it on her as a joke and realized that with a few simple alterations, I could change it into a cute dress for her. The whole switch look about ten minutes because I utilized the existing hem and neckline (SO much easier!). I have a ton of old t-shirts that I’ve been holding onto for nostalgia reasons, so Annie is going to be getting some cool vintage t-shirt dresses this summer.

Adult T-Shirt to Girl's Dress

Adult T-shirt (knits are best because they don’t unravel)
Fabric scissors or rotary cutter
Fabric marking pen/pencil
Needle/thread/pins

Adult T-Shirt to Girl's Dress

First, try your shirt on you intended recipient so you can get a sense of how the shirt hangs, and make sure it’s long enough.

Adult T-Shirt to Girl's Dress

Fold your shirt in half, lining up the sleeves and seams.

Adult T-Shirt to Girl's Dress

Cut off the sleeves and the side hems. The shirt should only be attached up at the shoulders.

Adult T-Shirt to Girl's Dress

Turn the shirt inside-out and put it on your girl. Pin the sides so the dress has your desired shape. I wanted Annie’s to be fitted on top and flare on the bottom. If I’d made this dress with one of my bigger t-shirts I would have had a lot more material to make a flared/spinny skirt, but this shirt still had plenty to work with.

Adult T-Shirt to Girl's Dress

I pinned it pretty far in at her waist to really emphasize the skirt. Once I took the dress off of her, I grabbed my fabric pencil and, using the pins for guidance, drew a line on the fabric to use as a sewing guide.

Adult T-Shirt to Girl's Dress

Hand or machine-sew the sides of the dress, then cut off any excess fabric.

Adult T-Shirt to Girl's Dress

I wanted the sleeve straps to be neater, so I folded them in and hemmed them. If you’re working with a jersey knit and don’t feel like doing more sewing, you can simply cut the straps because jersey doesn’t unravel (although, it does roll a bit, so take that into consideration).

Adult T-Shirt to Girl's Dress

She loves the dress, and has worn it multiple times since I made it for her.

Adult T-Shirt to Girl's Dress

She also insists on wearing it with a cape, because Wonder Woman. Duh.

Adult T-Shirt to Girl's Dress

Any questions, let me know. Have fun!



© copyright Heather Spohr 2014 | All rights reserved.

This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author.

11 Jun 16:59

Gif of the Day: One of the Best Cricket Plays Ever

Gif of the Day: One of the Best Cricket Plays Ever

If the ball had landed outside the boundary without bouncing first, the batsman would have scored the maximum possible runs from a single shot - 6. If the fielder catches the ball, he's out. However, if the fielder catches the ball but then steps outside the boundary, the batsman scores 6 runs again. What you see here is the fielder attempt to catch the ball, but realise that he can't do that without stepping the boundary. His teammate has read the situation and is supporting him within the boundary. When the initial catcher pushes the ball to his teammate (while still in mid-air) the catch is made and the batsman is out.

Submitted by: (via CoolAsACucumber)

Tagged: sports , gifs , cricket , g rated , win
11 Jun 15:15

Hillary Clinton, Do Not Feel Guilty About Your Pleasures

by Jia Tolentino
A.N

YES

by Jia Tolentino

i have this book it's pretty chill Hillary Clinton talked to the Times about her favorite books: some of the many names mentioned include Laura Hillenbrand, Toni Morrison, John Grisham, Pablo Neruda, George W. Bush and the Bible, which she says "was and remains the biggest influence on my thinking." In the interest of resisting the game of How Much Is This Q&A a Fake-Casual 'Hey' Text For America's Smart Conservative Moms, let me just draw your attention to this one part:

What are your literary guilty pleasures? Do you have a favorite genre?

Cooking, decorating, diet/self-help and gardening books are guilty pleasures and useful time fillers.

In an alternate universe she answered, "Listen, I don't feel guilty about shit, but as a person with an incredibly high-stress job I often find it nice to read books about how to have a prettier life, in which there's no theory or narrative, and the take-aways are always neat—and although people sometimes try to make me feel guilty about reading these books because they're in a feminized sphere, I refuse because I'm Hillary Fucking Clinton."

But this universe she has to be "relatable." Maybe when she's president we'll just start a White House petition to abolish the idea of women self-labeling as guilty for any action that is not explicitly morally incorrect. Change we can believe i- faints from exhaustion. [NYTimes]

6 Comments
11 Jun 14:08

How to Survive in NYC

by swissmiss

survive nyc 31survive nyc 30survive nyc 13survive nyc 65small_86_garbagescentdeath

These animated gifs explaining how to survive in NYC made me laugh out loud. Hat tip off to Nathan W.Pyle!

(via Eric)

10 Jun 19:15

Best Wireframing + Prototyping Tools for Building Websites

by Jason Tselentis

My first post about wireframing design looked at conventional methods like pencil sketches and familiar software from Adobe, but it only scratched the surface. A wealth of tools exist, including web apps, to generate information architecture and layout opportunities.

Best Wireframing + Prototyping Tools, Part 2

Mockingbird

wireframingMockingbird offers a lot of the features that Adobe users have come to accept (including grids and guides), and its UI is extremely friendly.

Also, Mockingbird invites multiple collaborators to work on one project in real-time, rather than having to chop it into parts and delegate components across the team – which is a big advantage. But if you do need to export a file for emailing and reviewing, you can save as a PNG or PDF.

Hotgloo

hotglooBilled as “more than ‘just’ wireframing,” HotGloo has a nifty interface, robust toolkit and built-in feedback acceptance system for internal team reviews or user-testing. Like Mockingbird, HotGloo allows real-time collaboration on a project. And as an added bonus, it offers a wealth of pre-built elements for easy drag-and-drop construction. In terms of bragging rights, HotGloo has been used for prototyping the Academy Awards’ website.

Moqups

moqups; wireframingOf the prototyping tools reported on here, Moqups looks the simplest, and the web app continues to grow incrementally. If you like using Dropbox or Google Drive for file management, you can port your work there. Real-time editing, collaborating with team members, commenting and a bevy of template assets make it a well-rounded tool. There’s also the ability to export your projects in Retina-display resolution.

Justinmind

justinmindAlthough it’s not a web app, Justinmind deserves to be mentioned here for its all-in-one abilities: You can design web or app prototypes all from one place. Justinmind has the ability for implementing gesture support needed for touchscreens into your prototypes, and a toolkit for developing for iOS, Android and let’s not forget Windows Surface. Oh, and you want to prototype for the desktop? Use Justinmind’s desktop design widgets. It’s full service.

Sketch

wireframing; website construction
Sketch probably deserves a blog post unto itself because it’s more than just a prototyping tool. It’s become a replacement for Fireworks, Adobe’s erstwhile interface design program that was a holdover from Adobe’s Macromedia acquisition. Since Fireworks is not included in Creative Cloud, digital and interface designers have had to make the transition from Fireworks to Photoshop, Flash, or InDesign, and oftentimes begrudgingly.

But in a very short time, Sketch has become a go-to solution that has designers asking themselves how they got by without it for so long. And with Sketch Mirror, you can see your design across every viewport at once. It’s not a web app, and if you’re on a Chromebook or Windows PC, you’re out of luck: Sketch is Mac native.

The Web App Advantage

One of the biggest advantages to using web apps for web design is easily previewing your prototypes in a browser. There’s no need to export files, import them into a browser and then go back to the app for modifications. In a web app, it’s all in the browser, so your workflow stays within the context of the end product. Another advantage is pervasiveness: having the design online, within a web app that’s networked, allows you to preview the design in any other viewport, be it a phone, tablet, laptop, desktop, or television.

But that doesn’t mean you should avoid stand-alone apps, especially if you’re working in an environment that may not have an always-on Internet connection. There’s something to be said for the ability to work un-tethered, so you can get work done on a long flight, train or car ride.

When choosing what prototyping tool (or tools) to use, consider testing it across the entire team before committing, making sure to see if it’s within budget and the option jives well with your hardware and operating system. Finally, look at transitioning out of the application. If the app happens to disappear, will you be able to move your work from one platform into another one? Bottom line: have a back-up plan. Since new apps are always on the horizon, keep up with latest releases to ensure your options are the best, and most up-to-date fit.

Want more of Jason’s interactive expertise? Check out the Expert Guide on Agile Methodologies.

agile development;

The post Best Wireframing + Prototyping Tools for Building Websites appeared first on HOW Design.

10 Jun 15:26

Yes, College Students, Hookahs Are Bad for You

by Olga Khazan

It was the first night of college, in that uncomfortable expanse after everyone finished arranging their Target "Dorm Collection" lamps but before anyone had splintered into permanent friend units. A group of us sat in the common room of my all-female dorm, debating what to do on our first night in Washington, D.C.—the big city.

"Why don't we go smoke hookah?" suggested the girl with the nose ring.

"No!" I thought, reflexively falling back on my D.A.R.E. program indoctrination. "That sounds like a drug, and I don't do drugs."

Instead, I meekly asked, "Um, like, what's hookah?"

"Oh, it's like smoking a cigarette, but you smoke the tobacco through water, so it's not as bad for you," the girl said. "My older brother does it all the time."

This was before iPhones, so none of us could find fault with Nose Ring’s impeccable logic.

Thus I spent the first of many college nights lounging in one of D.C.'s vaguely Middle-Eastern hookah bars. In between bites of oily hummus, we’d pass around a mouthpiece—which I coolly resisted wiping before each use—and sucked in smoke that came in flavors like “sweet melon” and “queen of sex.”

It turns out I was one of the 25 percent of college women who try hookah for the first time their freshman year. Perhaps because of their perceived relative safety, hookahs—also known as shishas or water pipes—are growing increasingly popular among young people. Almost twice as many high-school students smoke hookah as smoke e-cigarettes. A survey of eight North Carolina colleges found that 40 percent of students reported having ever smoked tobacco from a hookah—just slightly under the number who said they had ever smoked a cigarette (47 percent). The majority of hookah users think they're safer than cigarettes.

As with many things in life, though, I would have been better off listening to my inner dweeb. A new study suggests that hookahs contain many of the same risks that cigarettes do, including nicotine addiction and the inhalation of carcinogens.

For a paper published last week in the journal Cancer Epidemiology, Biomarkers & Prevention, researchers from the University of California, San Francisco asked a group of 55 regular hookah smokers to abstain from smoking for a week, and then to provide a urine sample.

The participants then spent an evening smoking hookah and gave another sample at the end.

As Healthday reported, the differences between the two urine samples were stark:

“Compared to the urine samples collected after a week of not smoking, the urine sample collected after the evening of hookah smoking had: 73 times higher nicotine levels; four times higher levels of cotinine; two times higher levels of NNAL, a breakdown product of a tobacco-specific chemical called NNK, which can cause lung and pancreatic cancers; and 14 percent to 91 percent higher levels of breakdown products of volatile organic compounds such as benzene and acrolein, which are known to cause cancer, heart and lung diseases.”

The spike in nicotine "raises concerns about the potential addictiveness of water pipe smoking and possible effects on the developing brains of children and youths who use water pipes," study author Gideon St. Helen said in a statement. "I have seen entire families, including young children, smoking water pipes." Nicotine is more harmful to the brains of teenagers and young adults.

Hookahs were among the devices included in the list of tobacco products that the FDA proposed to regulate for the first time last month. Better knowledge of hookahs’ risks might encourage freshmen to find a better way to impress one another—though the other options aren’t great, either.








10 Jun 11:30

Should Paid 'Menstrual Leave' Be a Thing?

by Emily Matchar

For most American women beyond the age of high school gym class, “I’ve got my period” isn’t considered much of an excuse for anything. We’re meant to pop an Advil and get on with things, Red Devil be damned. But in several, mostly East Asian, countries, so-called “menstrual leave” is a legally enshrined right for female workers.

However, as these countries attempt to move toward greater gender equality in the workplace, menstrual leave has come under debate. Do these policies simply further the notion that women are weak, hormonally-addled creatures controlled by their uteri? Or do they encourage more equality by accommodating female workers’ biological demands, much as maternity leave does?

The issue turns out to be surprisingly complicated, with complex historical roots and supporters on both sides of the liberal-conservative divide.

Japan has had menstrual leave since just after World War II. According to the 1947 Labor Standards Law, any women suffering from painful periods or whose job might exacerbate period pain are allowed seirikyuuka (literally “physiological leave”). At the time the law was written, women were entering the workforce in record numbers, and workplaces like factories, mines and bus stations had little by way of sanitary facilities.

The new law, writes researcher Alice J. Dan, was “a symbol for women’s emancipation. It represented their ability to speak openly about their bodies, and to gain social recognition for their role as workers.”

The number of women actually taking their menstrual leave has plummeted over the latter half of the 20th century, but female workers have been reluctant to give it up entirely.

Taiwan’s current menstrual leave legislation is much newer. The 2013 amendment to the country’s Act of Gender Equality in Employment guarantees female workers three days of menstrual leave a year, in addition to the 30 days of half-paid sick leave allotted to all workers. The act originally folded menstrual leave into the regular 30 days of sick leave, prompting a gender-diverse coalition of politicians to claim this was a violation of women’s basic rights. (Imagine, say, Barbara Boxer and Mitch McConnell banding together to support a woman’s right to period days.)

Indonesian women are entitled to take two days a month of menstrual leave, though many companies simply ignore the law, and others have even been accused of forcing women to drop trou and “prove” their need for time off. This month, a delegation of female workers pressed presidential candidates about workplace discrimination, including menstrual leave abuses.

South Korean workers were granted menstrual leave in 2001, though an experiment in extending the policy to female university students was deemed a failure (“faculty members decided that the policy was being abused as an excuse for absence”). The policy has lately come under fire from Korean “men’s rights activists,” who, despite Korea’s heavily male-dominated work culture, see it as a form of reverse discrimination.

These Asian menstrual leave policies appear to be based on the scientifically dubious notion that women who don’t rest during their menses will have difficulty in childbirth later. Some say the laws are therefore more about treating women as future baby-vessels than valued employees.

Then there’s Russia.

Last year, a Russian lawmaker proposed a draft law that would give female workers two days off a month.  His reasoning:

During that period (of menstruation), most women experience psychological and physiological discomfort. The pain for the fair sex is often so intense that it is necessary to call an ambulance … Strong pain induces heightened fatigue, reduces memory and work-competence and leads to colorful expressions of emotional discomfort.

Unsurprisingly, the bill was condemned by Russian feminists and, politically speaking, went nowhere.

But even in countries with well-intentioned menstrual leave policies, many women don’t feel comfortable taking it. They’re understandably embarrassed to tell their superiors they have their period, and they worry they’ll be viewed as weak for taking time off.

The fact is, menstruation is not debilitating for most women. But for up to 20 percent of women, period pain interferes with daily activities just as surely as a nasty cold or flu. Ample paid sick leave would seem to take care of the problem just as well without forcing women to share their lunar cycles with their bosses. It’s no coincidence that several of the countries with menstrual leave also have lackluster sick leave policies—neither Japan nor Korea mandate paid sick leave for non-serious illness.

But then again, neither does the United States. Perhaps we should start agitating for the Boxer-McConnell American Menstrual Leave Act after all?








09 Jun 20:33

The Most 90s Thing That Could Ever Exist

by Alexis C. Madrigal

Wow.

Just. Wow.

This image is bouncing around on Twitter thanks to Jehan Ranasinghe, who dug this thing up, presumably with a time machine, and then tweeted this picture.

Even better, someone has actually digitized the entire thing! It features what it claims to be the first "cyber sitcom" (I guess?), which is a bizarrely meta take on the Wizard of Oz (I guess?). It opens on the 5th floor of Microsoft with Jennifer Aniston and Matthew Perry singing, "Task bars and email and shortcuts oh my!" 

Yes, I am serious.

This is more 90s than Naughty by Nature. More 90s than Larry Johnson's Charlotte Hornets. More 90s than Doc Martens and flannel. More 90s than Road Rules, even.

You're welcome.








09 Jun 15:58

A Rear Window Decal of You, Two Cats and a Big Pile of Money

by Jia Tolentino
by Jia Tolentino

uhHere is a very interesting read at Maclean's about the social valences of stick figure decals: 

Decal-makers may try to be gender-neutral, but they’re going to fail, because the stick figure is never gender-neutral, Wade says. “If it’s a stick figure with a soccer ball, it looks like a boy, and if it’s a stick figure without a soccer ball, it looks like a boy. And if you look at two figures and one is taller than the other, everyone reads the tall one as male. To make it a woman or girl, you have to use gender signals—a skirt or a ponytail.” It’s impossible to avoid reinforcing gender stereotypes, Wade says. “That’s how power works.”

And, on the possibility of subversion in one of the least subversive arenas I can imagine:

What interests Wade most is the blowback to “traditional” stick-family families, from people like Pavlovic. “This is activism happening, when you see couples with no children put decals of two people and piles of money on their cars, or women choosing to put a figure of a woman with a cat, or six.” Identifying yourself as a same-sex couple is another form of resistance, Wade says: “It’s very visible. They’re not coming out to somebody; they’re coming out to everybody.”

Alternately: stick figure decals as a nice example of our ever-present choice between Engage The Trivial Enemy or Ignore Completely Forever; the latter, as always, is looking great to me. [Maclean's]

5 Comments
09 Jun 15:11

Allow This Little Girl to Show You How to Get Water Out of a Boat

Submitted by: (via Amir Azmi)

Tagged: pro tip , Kickass Kid , Video
06 Jun 15:09

"Low-alcohol wines are super hot right now"

by Emma Carmichael
by Emma Carmichael

"'Low-alcohol wines are super hot right now,' says wine writer Katherine Cole." OK, put on your best skeptical-but-listening face and please report back: [NPR]

2 Comments
06 Jun 13:28

Roll Your T-Shirts for Efficient Packing

by swissmiss

Fascinating tutorial on how to ‘roll’ your t-shirts in a way that they won’t crease and save space in your suitcase! Taken from this Lifehacker post on The Best Military Tricks to Make Your Daily Life Easier.

05 Jun 21:04

Moving Beyond Waterfall to Agile Development + Design

by Jason Tselentis

Waterfall has been an industry staple for decades. Find out why the Agile philosophy can make for a more nimble, efficient design process–and discover how to get started.

Whether you’re a designer, illustrator or artisan, you probably know the Waterfall process. It has a clear beginning (planning), middle (design) and end (production and release). This rather Aristotelean method of working in three—or more—acts has worked and continues to work for many of us. But it’s not the only method—so why do we default to using it?

The Waterfall process has its roots in manufacturing and construction. Consider the assembly line, a sequential process of construction where one part after another gets added to a product that finally rolls off the line when it’s completely built and ready for use. When designers embark on a project, we follow a similar process.

We’re familiar with the Waterfall method, and know it for the sequence of check-ins that have to happen before moving on to the next step. A project is initiated, and we learn about needs, scope and benefits through a creative brief we receive or create on our own.

When economic matters are involved—which is often—we consider the marketing factors, like overhead and return on investment. Research and planning requires us to learn more about the problem, perhaps collecting data related to the context and content. We analyze the data and assess what has to happen through the creative process, including issues related to staffing and production. And during this time, we constantly check back to the initial project brief.

Once we have enough information to work with, and understand the people, place, culture and production, we begin design by sketching or roughing things out. Web designers often call this the prototyping or “skinning” stage. Surface treatment such as color, typography, imagery and materials may come into play. We create additional prototypes, conduct reviews and testing in the form of internal critiques, and perform external assessments in the form of focus groups or client reviews. Then we have feedback to compare against the needs we perceived, be they functional, aesthetic
or otherwise.

Waterfall: design and review

Design and review may happen repeatedly until we get things “just right” and have polished the design to a ready state for production. We go through pre-construction where we may see a first draft printed or modeled, but even before doing so, it’s necessary to preflight all of our files and assets necessary for facilitation and production. Once those preliminary files have been assembled and tests have been incorporated and approved—with some edits being made at the blue-line stage of printing, for example—the design is created.

In the case of a website or app design, a very similar process happens, except the production necessitates back-end development in HTML/CSS instead of generation with ink on paper. There may be revisions or edits to make to a printed work, but in nearly all cases a website will have ongoing maintenance, upkeep and content addition, just to name a few tweaks needed as the process unfolds. And the operative word there is ongoing—as in, forever.

For designers, the Waterfall method has been used for most—if not all—of what we do because much of what we’ve produced over the past few decades has been print media. And although the tools we use have changed over those decades, the Waterfall methodology associated with it has changed very little.

Waterfall definitely has its advantages. First and foremost, personnel know what they have to do. Accountability gets distributed. If you’re a copywriter working on the text for a brochure, you know what you have to do and when you need to hand it off to the designer. It’s simply human nature to carry out activities through a kind of “if/then” sequence: If the sun sets, then we should get ready for dinner; if we feel thirsty, then we should drink some water. Our creative process is similar: If I have to lay out a book, then I need the text first; if I’ve designed the book, then I need to review it to make sure there aren’t any errors. Throughout those if/then steps, checkpoints ensure that reviews have been done—and done correctly—before a design moves to the next phase. This gives us (and our team) necessary reassurance.

Agile development for design: an iterative methodology

agile development; agile method, scrum

What is Agile methodology? Agile practices and methodologies date as far back as 1968, but contemporary practices have their roots in what was developed between the 1990s and early 2000s. Being Agile means moving through the development process in a way that is both efficient and effective, “releasing early and often,” and iterating along the way to change—ideally for the better. You release software, websites and products quicker. You stay in touch with your consumers and users, improve quality assurance and improve the product over time (while having something in the market to base your improvements on).

Designers and developers deliver a functioning product to the user, listen to their feedback and make improvements through a state of constant iterations. As such, Agile happens through what Craig Larman calls Iterative and Incremental Development, or “a subset of iterative and evolutionary methods.” IID requires releases to happen frequently, with each release having its own life cycle. Several iterations may happen over the course of a product’s lifespan, with delineated scheduling and staging happening in parts.

Timeboxing requires the team to establish a fixed iteration date or time on task. So if you plan to release something three hours from the time you begin it on a Friday afternoon, then that release time has to happen even if less critical functions aren’t ready by then. At the end of the timebox, you review the work to see if the goal has been met. As long as you’ve completed the one goal you established, you release it within the timebox. With a lifespan of a day to several months, timeboxes vary, and some even have their own moniker.

Agile development and iteration

Industry digital strategy experts, like Mike Arauz agree that an Agile process really works. Arauz will be providing an in-depth look at how to implement an agile workflow at the upcoming HOW Interactive Design Conference September 3-5, 2014  in Washington D.C.  Also here is an simple summary overview of what the Agile approach looks like in terms of the web design process:

Agile Development; agile method; waterfall

1. Develop. A quick release of a website’s single home page must happen. Develop only the home page over a period of four days.

2. Establish. Create five timeboxes to craft the written content, lay out the page, program the HTML/CSS, test it internally and release it.

3. Release. The single page of the site goes online.

4. Assess. Gain customer input and develop customer relationships through online data gathering, such as Google Analytics, feedback or review prompts and/or social media.

5. Research. Use feedback channels to learn what content users want, and to clarify site modifications in the project’s updated goals.

6. Modify. Work on those items to be added—the most important items—and get them integrated into the site.

7. Review. Pass designed items through the given review/acceptance channels.

8. Be Agile. You’ve released something quickly and have made changes based on feedback to evolve the site. You constantly check in with users and work on the most important items first, as dictated by customer requests.

Being Agile requires you to be an agent of change, and quality is important over the course of the changes you make. Don’t rush through the work during the production and design stages in order to meet your goals. Good design and good programming are as important here as anywhere else.

Implementing the Agile approach and delivering to the customer early and often isn’t a foolproof recipe for success, just like using the Waterfall method isn’t always a sure thing, either. For designers who work on websites and apps, the question of quality may come before the question of completeness. Being Agile may mean getting a project out the door with a less-than-typically-acceptable “look and feel.” The fonts may not look “just right” in the early iterations. Remember that quality is important, but try not to let striving for “perfect” get in the way of “good” and slow down your overall process.

Dig into more Agile processes in the complete Expert’s Guide

agile development;

The post Moving Beyond Waterfall to Agile Development + Design appeared first on HOW Design.

05 Jun 15:51

@SavedYouAClick is the Anti-Twitter to Today's Clickbait Internet

@SavedYouAClick is the Anti-Twitter to Today's Clickbait Internet

What you're seeing here are tweets from @SavedYouAClick, a Twitter account devoted to answering the dumb questions posed by today's internet headlines (not that we have ever used or condoned such intentionally-vague clickbaiting ahem ahem). With just a few words or a photo attachment, @SavedYouAClick does all the heavy lifting of internet skimming for you, and we're all the better for it.

Submitted by: (via @SavedYouAClick)

Tagged: twitter , headline , clickbait
04 Jun 18:31

Too Emotional, Too Sensitive, Too Much

by Rachel Vorona
by Rachel Vorona

♫♬ 2 much of something ♫♬ When I was maybe three or four, I wept upon seeing my mother after she returned from the hairdresser. She’d clipped a few inches and in doing so, irrevocably altered her visual context, and, as it seemed to me at the time, transformed into another woman who was not my mother. Later that same day, already devastated by the slight change in my mother’s coiffure, I announced—loudly—my displeasure at the way the ivy was placed on the clock that was hanging in the kitchen. Maybe it seemed oddly parallel to my mother’s haircut (the ivy hung down the sides of the clock, somewhat like hair); maybe my childhood eccentricity was the sort that would make me suddenly become invested in plant decor regardless.

In any case, I spent much of my childhood having prolonged, seemingly inexplicable outbursts like this, and my flummoxed mother came to describe me as a “raw nerve.” I was neurotic, haphazardly emotional, ultra-sensitive to change. Growing older has soothed this somewhat. I am much less inclined now to weep at the specific drape of a potted plant. But every once in awhile, I still worry that I am much too emotional and much too sensitive. Much too easily moved to tears. Simply: that I am just too much.

In 2010, my love of all things Victorian and most things Tim Burton sent me to the movies to see his adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. I left generally underwhelmed by the film but very taken with one of its terms: “muchness.” If you’ve seen the movie, you probably remember everybody bemoaning, over the course of the film, that Alice has “lost her muchness.” The word’s definition is left ambiguous, but it suggests an amalgamated form of courage, assertiveness, and passion. Until she can summon her muchness, Alice remains powerless to defeat the sociopathic Red Queen. And, of course, Alice and her muchness do prevail.

It pleased me to see female strength tethered to emotion in such a positive way, and to come away from the movie with this gift of an old visceral feeling articulated in language. But I also know that Alice’s “muchness," so empowering in this particular manifestation, is not the muchness that I have known. My version is much more fraught: the inconvenient tendency to burst into tears at the wrong moment, or to experience seemingly tame events in extraordinarily sensitized ways. It is something I often have associated with feelings of shame and personal diminishment; it is an emotional and physiological roadblock, something I have had to navigate on the path to being acknowledged as a reasonable human being; it is an innate tendency to respond passionately that I constantly worry diminishes my “professional persona.”

Depending on the circumstances, masking my emotional vulnerability can feel utterly impossible. As a graduate student I learned how important it was to learn how to “perform competence,” which tends to mean suppressing intense emotions, even in the most difficult circumstances. It is true that we admire the passion scholars bring to their research, particularly when it is manifested publicly. But however genuine, that passion can never be separated from performance—and to perform implies self-control. What we must not and cannot do is lose control.

I did not learn these lessons easily, and they are not unique to my field. In the workplace muchness is something that must be squelched; we must behave as expected. That is what I have endeavored to do so far—so much so that when my voice shakes in a public space, and my eyes start misting, I'm overwhelmed with anxiety that others will notice, and soon I'm awash in shame. On the one hand, I recognize the hyperbole of this reaction. But its magnitude stems from acute awareness that public vulnerability is regarded as inappropriate. And for women, it is especially damning.

For centuries, our society has tethered emotional expression to femininity. So many public spaces have been—and continue to be—hostile to women; expressions of muchness are almost always unwelcome. In muting myself for the sake of my professional reputation, I have accommodated and perpetuated a climate resistant to muchness, one that treats it as a shortcoming to be concealed at the very least, ideally overcome.

But vulnerability is not weakness. I wish it was not regarded as a marker of incompetence or lack of professionalism. Creating a more feminist professional sphere means supporting one another in our vulnerable moments without chastisement or judgment.

I asked some of my female friends whether they had experienced censure or feelings of shame for being emotional. One friend, also a graduate student, expressed her frustration with “female professors” who “seem invested in cultivating a generation of take-no-shit women who have no feelings at all.”

To an extent, I sympathize with what leaders like this are responding to: the stereotyping that casts passionate women as maudlin and irrational. But our answer should not be to attack emotional vulnerability itself. Uninhibited feeling in no way indicates one’s predisposition to taking shit.

Of course, I would rather have a good cry alone, or with someone close to me, not in public. But I wonder how much this preference derives from shame. I wonder what it would be like to live in a world where emotion carries less baggage, and we do not diminish others or ourselves—even subconsciously—for the temporary inability to “keep it together.” I loathe this expression because of the way it seems to both demand and exonerate emotional suppression.

Lately, Leslie Jamison wrote beautifully in The Empathy Exams about bodily wounds as “the threshold[s] between interior and exterior,” as self-exposure. When we ask others to “keep it together,” we ask them to seal a threshold created through the experience of—sometimes profound, unbearable—pain. We are saying, “I am not willing to bear witness to your wound, your muchness.” Yet I do want to bear witness. I, like Alice, draw power from my muchness. It has taken me years to understand this, but it’s true.

Rachel Vorona is an English doctoral candidate living in Washington, D.C. She also writes creative non-fiction and personal essays at positiveandpromise.wordpress.com. You can find her on Twitter here:@RachelVorona.

8 Comments
04 Jun 18:26

How I learned to live without a refrigerator

by Penelope Trunk

I lived in New York City for ten years. I had a 500 square foot rent-stablized apartment in Park Slope. Every week I lived there someone asked me to tell them if I’m planning to move.

To squeeze into 500 square feet with my husband, we put our winter clothes in storage. Then our books. When our son was born, all our belongings went into storage to make room for his. And when we had a second kid, we got rid of the beds. The kids slept on a counter that turned into a bed and a dining room table that turned into a bed.

I had phenomenal window boxes in the summer. Not so much because I liked gardening but because it seemed like free space and no one gives up free space in New York.

But eventually my baby rolled off his countertop bed, and a kid at school asked my four-year-old why he didn’t have a bedroom. And I had began to dream every night that I had more space.

I was making $200K a year as a writer and it was getting me nothing bigger in New York. So we moved to Madison WI, because I read how it was a top city to raise kids. After moving there I discovered it’s the most overrated city in the US.

I got a house in Madison with five bedrooms. Because I could. They stayed empty for a year except for a few mattresses on the floor. In hindsight I think I had post-traumatic stress from small spaces and could not recuperate fast enough to enjoy the benefits of cheap real estate.

I married a farmer and moved into his farmhouse and woke up every day nearly in tears at the idea that I had my own 125 acres. I felt like I just got a huge house on Fifth Avenue butting up against Central Park.

I became a decorating maven. I tried turn-of-the-century decor because that’s what I was used to in my four-story walk-up. But you can’t force Victorian style on a depression-era farmhouse.

I got to work creating a style that could bond me and the house and farmers who had lived there.

I made a music room with a spoon chandelier.

I told my kids their Garfield beanbag chair does not meet my decorating goals and I forced on them furniture with grown-up pre-war shapes. (I need to enjoy the photos now because my kids will probably spend years in therapy talking about how I wouldn’t let them decorate their own bedroom.)

My favorite room in the house is the kitchen. I cook three meals a day, something I never in a million years thought I’d be doing, but there is nowhere to go out to eat when you live on a farm. So I made sure to love every little thing in my kitchen.

And, like all people who love a room, there’s always one more thing they need. Mine was the refrigerator. I looked at refrigerators for a year and everything looked too modern, and even the 1950s replicas did not fit my 1850s atmosphere.

So I found refrigerators refurbished in France. The company would ship me a shell of an 1850s ice chest and I’d turn it into a refrigerator in the US. But when I saved up the $20K, I realized it would be another $20K to get the refrigeration part done.

Then my husband told me we had to get rid of our current refrigerator which was twenty-five years old. It was leaking each morning and ruining the floors along with all the food it wasn’t refrigerating.

“We are living like slum lords,” he said. “No one has a refrigerator like this.”

“I’m not spending money on a fridge I hate. I’m saving for the one I love.”

“How much is it?”

“Forty thousand.”

He walked out of the room.

Then he came back. “This is crazy. We can’t keep living with that fridge. I had a better fridge under my desk in my college dorm than we have in our house.”

“Dorm room fridge? Okay. I hear you.”

Kiss. Hug.

Three days later six dorm room fridges arrive from Amazon. I paint them with chalkboard paint and stack them horizontally because I have decided that in 1850 there were not cupboards and the vertical look in a kitchen is modern. I won’t have it.

My husband says, “Where’s the milk?”

I point. “In the drink fridge, can’t you see the picture of the straw?”

No one can find anything in my new fridge system. Not even me. The kids open a new ketchup every time they can’t find the old one. So before long we have a ketchup in every fridge.

Soon I realize we are not using refrigeration because we can’t find anything if we put it there. I channel my days in New York City where I could learn to live without almost anything, and I throw out some of the fridges. I tell myself I’m saving money because I’m coming up with a solution that does not involve buying a fridge for $40K.

I realize vertical is fine, if it’s right.

I have three refrigerators. We use one for medicine for the baby kittens that come every spring and have eye infections that must be endemic to our farm. We use one for sauces that I always forget to use. And we use one for sushi that I bring home as a treat from Chicago.

We eat what I cook meal after meal until it’s gone. No refrigeration. We have a cow, cut up in a huge freezer in the cellar. I thaw a section out in the sink and cook it that day. We eat out of the garden in the summer.

In the winter we have potatoes and squash and things that don’t need to be refrigerated. It’s boring, yes, but it’s not far from how people have been eating for centuries. And it makes the coming of spring feel like a feast.

There’s a lot written about minimalism. About small budgets and tiny homes. So much is possible that we haven’t thought of. At first the idea of no refrigeration seemed crazy to me, but now it feels fine.

For years I’ve told people to do what they want to do and stop worrying about money. I tell them to quit the job they hate and get a job they like. I tell them to homeschool their kids, I tell people to relocate to a place they can afford with the money they can earn.

But people obsess over what we give up. Dan Ariely’s research shows that we obsess over what we might lose and downplay what we might gain. Which means we are loathe to give up anything.

Dan Gilbert’s research shows that we have a steady state of happiness. Even if we lose our right arm, we will not change our happiness in the long run.

What I learned from living in NYC, and then from giving up refrigeration, is that we can give up a lot. We are way more flexible than we give ourselves credit for. Be brave enough to give up a lot to get what you want.

04 Jun 14:37

I'll Help You, Little Guy!

This little fawn gets stuck in a gate, and a kind-hearted person comes along to help it out!

Submitted by: (via hikeart)

Tagged: cute , deer , fawn , Video , rescue
04 Jun 14:13

Racism Lives On Under the Cover of 'Religious Freedom'

by Emma Green

In most parts of America, "separate but equal" seems like the vestige of a bygone era. Segregated lunch counters, race-divided bathrooms, signs reading "whites only"—these are anachronisms of the 1960s, half a century into the country's past.

Except where they're not.

In an interesting new survey, the Public Religion Research Institute found that 10 percent of Americans believe business owners should be able to refuse to serve black people if they see that as a violation of their religious beliefs. This was pretty much the same across regions, too; the Northwest and the Midwest had slightly higher percentages than the South and the West. Gen X-ers, not old people, were most likely to agree—13 percent said they support the right to refuse. Men were slightly more likely to agree than women, and Catholics slightly more likely than Protestants. Hispanics were the biggest outlier by far: 18 percent agreed with the right to refuse service to blacks.

Ten percent of the population may not seem like a lot, but it points to how racism and segregation are still potent 50 years after the end of Jim Crow. In the past five decades since the peak of the civil-rights movement, some racial policies have changed—for example, workplace discrimination has been outlawed. That doesn't mean prejudice has disappeared; quite the opposite, actually. But this particular attitude, that outward racial discrimination is permissible because of a "religious belief," seems extreme and dated; these days, socially acceptable racism is a lot more subtle

It's also telling that racial discrimination is being paraded as "religious freedom." A similar explanation was argued in the recent controversy over an Arizona photographer's refusal to take pictures at a gay wedding, and in this poll, a portion of respondents said it's okay to refuse services to gays and lesbians. Sixteen percent agreed that this is acceptable, including 19 percent of men, 21 percent of Republicans, and 26 percent of white evangelicals. Gay marriage and culture are gaining acceptance in the United States, but it's nowhere near "normal"—in a 2013 Pew poll, only 54 percent of respondents said they have a "favorable opinion" of gay men. 

And on other issues of belief and lifestyle, Americans are also more willing to accept discrimination. Fifteen percent of PRRI's respondents, including 19 percent of Republicans and 21 percent of white evangelicals, said it's okay to deny services to atheists. And 12 percent said the same about Jews, including 16 percent of Midwesterners and 14 percent of Gen X-ers, who were consistently most likely to agree with the right to discriminate throughout the survey. 

This way of thinking is the logical extreme of increasingly loud rhetoric about "the war on religion": Any belief, no matter how arbitrary, can justify economic segregation. It's the opposite of pluralism, a version of "religious liberty" that's both freedom to practice faith and freedom from others who don't. Buying and selling stuff is one of the most basic ways Americans interact with each other—if people can't tolerate difference in the economic sphere, they probably can't tolerate it anywhere. 

Ironically, this kind of thinking also shows up in an inverted form, like in calls to protest Chick-fil-A because the company donated to anti-gay-marriage campaigns. Although protests are different than outright refusals to serve gays and lesbians or racial and religious minorities, the attitude toward pluralism is the same: Don't trade with people who are different from you, or who believe different things. In this poll, the best explanation for the minority view is probably straightforward racism, homophobia, and anti-Semitism. But hovering beneath that is an important claim: Economic life is an acceptable realm for segregation.








04 Jun 12:15

New Facebook Feature Scans Profile To Pinpoint Exactly When Things Went Wrong

by Endswell

The new LifePoint function distills each user’s mistakes into one easy-to-find moment when their lives irrevocably took a turn for the worse.

The Onion via Doobybrain

03 Jun 18:46

No One Mad at Rosie The Puppy for Driving a Car Into a Pond

by Emma Carmichael
by Emma Carmichael

"After a walk with her owner in the morning, the puppy climbed into the car and got her leash tangled in the gear shift.

"While trying to break free, Rosie fell on the accelerator, sending the vehicle forward, Canton police said.

"The car landed in Bolivar Pond."

—Rosie, a five-month-old German Shepard, was not hurt. [Boston Globe]

5 Comments
03 Jun 17:56

How to Make the Narcissist in Your Life a Little Nicer

by Olga Khazan

Love is great, but it’s actually empathy that makes the world go ‘round. Understanding other peoples’ viewpoints is so essential to human functioning that psychologists sometimes refer to empathy as “social glue, binding people together and creating harmonious relationships.”

Narcissists tend to lack this ability. Think of the charismatic co-worker who refuses to cover for a colleague who’s been in a car accident. Or the affable friend who nonetheless seems to delight in back-stabbing.

These types of individuals are what’s known as “sub-clinical” narcissists—the everyday egoists who, though they may not merit psychiatric attention, don’t make very good friends or lovers.

“If people are in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, they tend to cheat on their partners and their relationships break up sooner and end quite messily,” Erica Hepper, a psychologist at the University of Surrey in the U.K., told me. “They tend to be more deviant academically. They take credit for other peoples' work.”

Psychologists have long thought that narcissists were largely incorrigible—that there was nothing we could do to help them be more empathetic. But for a new study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, Hepper discovered a way to measurably help narcissists feel the pain of others.

First, she gathered up 282 online volunteers who hailed from various countries but were mostly young and female. They took a 41-question personality quiz designed to assess their levels of subclinical narcissism, checking boxes next to statements like “I like to have authority over other people” or “I will be a success.” They then read a story about a person named Chris who had just gone through a breakup, and then took another quiz to determine how bad they felt for Chris. The more narcissistic among them were indeed less likely to feel empathy for the fictional jilted man.

An important note here: The study participants, though they’re described as “narcissists,” were not clinically diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a bona-fide mental illness. Psychologists aren’t sure how much overlap there is between functional people who are very narcissistic and those who suffer from NPD. One rule of thumb, Hepper tells me, is that most ordinary narcissists are happy, while NPD tends to lead its sufferers to extreme dissatisfaction with life.

Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin

For her next manipulation, Hepper and her co-authors asked a group of 95 female undergrads to take the same narcissism quiz, and then later to watch a 10-minute documentary about Susan, a victim of spousal abuse. Half were told to try to put themselves in Susan’s shoes (“Imagine how Susan feels. Try to take her perspective in the video...”), while the others were told to imagine they were watching the program on TV one evening.

The subjects who were told to take Susan’s perspective were significantly more likely to score higher on empathy. In fact, the more narcissistic they were, the more the trick seemed to work.

“I think what's going on here is that people who are low on narcissism are already responding to people—telling them what to do isn't going to increase their empathy any further,” Hepper said. “But the higher on narcissism you get, the less empathy [you feel]. By instructing them to think about it, it activates this empathic response that was previously much weaker.”

And the narcissists weren’t just faking it. In a third experiment, Hepper showed that extreme narcissists had lower-than-average heart rates when listening to a recording of a woman in distress. (That is, “Their lack of empathy is more than skin-deep,” Hepper writes.) But if they were told to take the woman’s perspective, their heart rates leapt back up to a normal level.

Hepper thinks that eventually, this research could help shape therapeutic interventions aimed at narcissists. Teachers or human resources representatives could use such tools to try to get their resident egomaniacs to be more charitable.

Perhaps one day we can banish all the world’s narcissists to a desert island littered with tanning beds and TV cameras. Until that day, this type of compassion training might be the best weapon we have against the self-absorbed. As Hepper said, maybe it can help make the world “a nicer, more prosocial place.”








03 Jun 12:50

2014 logo trends

by David Airey

LogoLounge

Another year, another logo trend compilation from Bill Gardner of LogoLounge.

Khoi Vinh shared thoughts on the compilation’s merit, much of which I agree with.

And here’s a relevant 2008 read from johnson banks.

02 Jun 15:38

It’s worse than I thought. Unless I thought it was worse at one point and just forgot how bad I thought it was.

by thebloggess

So, I saw this on Pinterest…

yep

…and I was like, “Holy hell.  Yes.  This happens to me every damn week when I try to sign up on a new website” and so I went to pin the picture on my board and then I got this message:

doubleyep

So basically I tried to pin a picture explaining how baffling it is when your computer is like, “What is wrong with you?  You’ve already done this, asshole” and then my computer was like, “What is wrong with you?  You’ve already done this, asshole.”

Awesome.  Things are worse than I thought.  Unless, of course, I thought it was worse than this at some point in the past but I’ve just forgotten just how bad I once thought that it was.  I really can’t be trusted at this point.

Ps.  No worries if you miss today’s post because I assume next year this’ll happen again and I’ll write almost the exact same post all over again.

PPS.  Is it just me?  Am I just getting old?  Or is it just that we have so many things in our heads nowadays that they have to be purged often so we have more room for algebra formulas and videos of cats falling off tables?

****************

And in other news, it’s time for the weekly wrap-up: sid What you missed in my shop (Named “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

  • As requested, THE BLOGGESS IS MY COPILOT mugs.  This might seem a bit sacrilegious because Jesus is supposed to be your copilot, but Jesus is always having to “take the wheel” and give people piggie-back rides on the beach and be your copilot but technically Jesus never drove, so maybe stop making him your chauffeur.  Also, why do the same people who say “Jesus, take the wheel!” always have those bumper stickers that say “In case of Rapture, this car will be unmanned”?  It seems a bit selfish.  “Jesus, take the wheel! (Unless I’m already in heaven and in that case just let this car run into an animal shelter, because fuck those cats.)”  I might be misinterpreting that though.  I haven’t got the part in the Bible where Jesus got his learner’s permit.

What you missed on the internets:

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Relish!, a truly cool meal-planning service for busy parents who like healthy delicious dinners, every night.  Unlike some menu planning services that tell you what you’re going to eat for the week, Relish lets you pick from a weekly assortment and choose what you’d like to make (with tons of 5 ingredient recipes). A cleverly organized grocery list is automatically created which lists the ingredients you need for a week of meals–all of which take under 30 minutes to prepare.  Subscriptions start at $5 a month, and five complete dinners for a family of four runs less than $85.   And check out their gluten-free sister site at Gfreecuisine.com.
30 May 19:35

There's No Such Thing as a Slut

by Olga Khazan

In 2004, two women who were long past college age settled into a dorm room at a large public university in the Midwest. Elizabeth Armstrong, a sociology professor at the University of Michigan, and Laura Hamilton, then a graduate assistant and now a sociology professor at the University of California at Merced, were there to examine the daily lives and attitudes of college students. Like two Jane Goodalls in the jungle of American young adulthood, they did their observing in the students’ natural habitat.

The researchers interviewed the 53 women on their floor every year for five years—from the time they were freshmen through their first year out of college.

Their findings about the students’ academic success later formed the basis for Paying for the Party, their recent book about how the college experience bolsters inequality. They found that the women’s “trajectories were shaped not only by income ... but also by how much debt they carried, how much financial assistance they could expect from their parents, their social networks, and their financial prospects.”

But in the process, they began to notice that the women’s attitudes about sex were also influenced by their families’ incomes. On top of asking the students about GPAs and friend groups, the researchers also dug into their beliefs about morality—sometimes through direct questions, but often, simply by being present for a late-night squabble or a bashful confession.

“We were there on the floor when these dramas would emerge about slut-bashing,” Armstrong told me. “We saw working class girls walk out of their dorms to visit boys, and the privileged girls would say, ‘why are you wearing that?’"

As Armstrong and Hamilton write in a new study published in Social Psychology Quarterly, economic inequality drove many of the differences in the ways the women talked about appropriate sexual behavior.

All but five or six of the women practiced “slut-shaming,” or denigrating the other women for their loose sexual mores. But they conflated their accusations of “sluttiness” with other, unrelated personality traits, like meanness or unattractiveness. It seems there was no better way to smear a dorm-mate than to suggest she was sexually impure.

“If you want to make a young woman feel bad, pulling out the term ‘slut’ is a sure fire way to do it,” Armstrong said. “It’s ‘she isn’t one of us, we don't like her and she's different.’”

Because most of the slut-shaming occurred in private, women were both targets and producers of it, and it was rare for the term “slut” to stick to any one woman. Instead, the other women were simply foils for each others’ supposed sexual virtue. One woman described her best friend like so:

“She just keeps going over there because she wants his attention because she likes him. That’s disgusting. That to me, if you want to talk about slutty, that to me is whoring yourself out.”

For her analysis, Armstrong divided the cohort in two, with wealthier women in one group and the working-class ones in the other. Each group tended to band together, with the poorer half feeling excluded from Greek life and other high-status social activities. Several of the low-income students, for example, balked at the cost of the $50 "rush" t-shirt, Armstrong said.

The rich women tended to view casual sex as problematic only when it was done outside of steady relationships, and even then, only when it included vaginal intercourse. Meanwhile, frequent “hooking up,” which to them included kissing and oral sex, did not a slut make. “I think when people have sex with a lot of guys that aren’t their boyfriends, that’s really a slut,” as one put it.

The poorer women, by contrast, were unaware that “hooking up,” in the parlance of the rich women, excluded vaginal intercourse. They also tended to think all sex and hook-ups should occur primarily within a relationship.

The two classes of women also defined “sluttiness” differently, but neither definition had much to do with sexual behavior. The rich ones saw it as “trashiness,” or anything that implied an inability to dress and behave like an upper-middle-class person.

One woman, for example, “noted that it was acceptable for women to ‘have a short skirt on’ if ‘they’re being cool’ but ‘if they’re dancing really gross with a short skirt on, then like, oh slut.’”

The poorer women, meanwhile, would regard the richer ones as “slutty” for their seeming rudeness and proclivity for traveling in tight-knit herds. As one woman said, “Sorority girls are kind of whorish and unfriendly and very cliquey.”

Armstrong notes that midway through their college experience, none of the women had made any friendships across the income divide.

To Armstrong, it seemed like even though the wealthy and poor women were slut-shamed roughly equally in private, it was mostly only the poor women who faced public slut-shaming. And it only seemed to happen when the poorer women tried to make inroads with the richer ones.

“There was one instance where one of the [working class] women, Stacey, was watching the show The OC and made some comment about the sexual behavior of one of the characters of the show,” Armstrong told me. “And a rich woman, Chelsea, said something like, ‘Oh, you're such a slut yourself, you shouldn't be calling her out.’ It was supposed to be a joke, but it misfired and [Stacey] ran crying from the room.”

A series of emissaries were sent up and down the hall in an attempt to make amends, but the damage had been done. “None of the other women in the room chimed in to defend Stacey’s virtue,” Armstrong notes.

By Armstrong’s tally, more rich women than poor women took part in hook-ups throughout college. The poorer women seemed to notice that their wealthier dorm-mates were more sexual, but felt they couldn’t get away with being similarly libertine. The wealthier women, meanwhile, seemed unfazed by accusations of sluttiness if they came from their lower-status peers. (Think of Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian, for whom public displays of sexuality were the rocket fuel on which they jetted to fame.)

“The high-status women would literally snub or look through the poorer women,” Armstrong said. “They would blow them off entirely. We spent a lot of time asking who would say hi to who; who would let the door slam in someone's face.”

According to Armstrong, one sorority member said, “I only see people who are Greek; I don't know who the other students are. They are like extras.”

The rampant slut-shaming, Armstrong found, was only a symptom of the women’s entrenched classism. But more importantly, the allegations of sluttiness had little to do with real-life behavior. The woman with the most sexual partners in the study, a rich girl named Rory, also had the most sterling reputation—largely because she was an expert at concealing her sexual history.

“Rory was going to lie till the day she died,” Armstrong said. “She would only have sex with guys who didn't know each other. She constantly misrepresented what she was doing and didn't tell people where she was going.”

One of the most striking things Armstrong learned was that, despite the pervasiveness of slut-shaming, there was no cogent definition of sluttiness, or of girls who were slutty, or even evidence that the supposedly slutty behavior had transpired. In the study, she notes that though “women were convinced that sluts exist” and worked to avoid the label, some of their descriptions of sluttiness were so imprecise (‘‘had sex with a guy in front of everybody”) that they seemed to be referring to some sort of apocrypha—“a mythical slut.”

“The term is so vague and slippery that no one knows what a slut was or no one knows what you have to do to be that,” she told me. “It circulated around, though, so everyone could worry about it being attached to them.”

Perhaps no recent example of slut-shaming is as horrifying as the shooting in Santa Barbara last week. Before killing seven people in his rampage, Elliot Rodger vowed to “slaughter every single spoiled, stuck-up blonde slut”— all while complaining that those very same “sluts” refused to sleep with him.

To Armstrong, the shooting highlighted that “slut” is simply a misogynistic catch-all, a verbal utility knife that young people use to control women and create hierarchies. There may be no real sluts, in other words, but there are real and devastating consequences to slut-shaming.