Snob

Las tetas grandes son una ordinariez, son de pasiega. La teta concreta, concentrada, suele ser mucho más bonita, suele tener un pezón perfecto. Y la teta es su pezón.

Y pasada la primera juventud las tetas grandes pueden hacer cosas muy crueles. Pueden ser EL FIN DE LA COMEDIA.

El hombre con clase elige teta pequeña. El hombre con clase suele tener dinero (yo soy una excepción, obviamente).

(Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, 1988)

Cat Imagery in the Suffrage Movement: Cats were a common symbol in suffragette imagery. Cats represented the domestic sphere, and anti-suffrage postcards often used them to reference female activists. The intent was to portray suffragettes as silly, infantile, incompetent, and ill-suited to political engagement.

More on the Cat-and-Mouse Act and cat suffrage postcards: Cats and Suffrage.

In 1968, Howard Johnsons produced a children's menu and a comic book in conjunction with the film 2001: A Space Odyssey. The comic explains the movie to Debbie and Robin, who are attending the premiere. It would have been nice if there had been a Howard Johnsons where I lived, because I couldn't make heads or tails out of the most of the movie. At the end of the comic, the children are acting like they don't want to give away the ending, but they are actually hiding the fact that they didn't understand a bit of it. Read the whole comic at Dreams of Space. Link -via Metafilter

Where have all the jobs gone? Computer scientist, and many people say, visionary, Jaron Lanier (he supposedly coined the term "virtual reality" when he helped pioneer the field), has found the culprit: the Internet.

In his new book Who Owns the Future? Jaron explains why the Internet is destroying the middle class by killing jobs, wealth (except for the lucky few) and even - gasp - democracy itself:

“Here’s a current example of the challenge we face,” he writes in the book’s prelude: “At the height of its power, the photography company Kodak employed more than 14,000 people and was worth $28 billion. They even invented the first digital camera. But today Kodak is bankrupt, and the new face of digital photography has become Instagram. When Instagram was sold to Facebook for a billion dollars in 2012, it employed only 13 people. Where did all those jobs disappear? And what happened to the wealth that all those middle-class jobs created?” [...]

So Kodak has 140,000 really good middle-class employees, and Instagram has 13 employees, period. You have this intense concentration of the formal benefits, and that winner-take-all feeling is not just for the people who are on the computers but also from the people who are using them. So there’s this tiny token number of people who will get by from using YouTube or Kickstarter, and everybody else lives on hope. There’s not a middle-class hump. It’s an all-or-nothing society.

Read more in this interview with Scott Timberg of Salon: Link (Image: My Dream is to cut all ties with civilization but still be on the Internet)

This hardened criminal was apprehended on Oct. 17, 1893. The nefarious François Bertillon, aged 23 months, was nabbed for "gluttony, nibbling all the pears from a basket."

Parents of toddlers: you know how to use this photo. Keep it handy.

Link -via The Oddment Emporium

(Photo: Metropolitan Museum of Art)

Chris Richards, formerly of DC post-punk outfit Q and Not U asks: Are foodies quietly killing rock and roll?

Here's a list you might want to bookmark for the hot months ahead: 33 Super-Cool Popsicles To Make This Summer. Shown is the Grapefruit And Strawberry Greyhound Poptail, made from grapefruit juice, strawberries, and vodka. There are other cocktail popsicle recipes, plus fruity concoctions, dessert popsicles, and even vegan ices, with links to the recipes. Sure beats freezing Kool-Ade in an ice tray! Link -via mental_floss

Thanks DJ

 

Taco Fusion sure knows how to create a roaring controversy, and they ain't lyin'! The Tampa, Florida eatery is offering tacos with (perfectly legal) exotic meats in their "Safari" menu like bison, shark, ostrich, octopus, gator, gazelle, rabbit, duck, camel and even kangaroo. But the "mane" attraction? Lion meat.

And that has got critics pouncing, as ABC Good Morning America reports [self-starting video]:

Since Taco Fusion, a Mexican restaurant known to offer unusual game meats like ostrich, camel, and bison in its tacos, added lion meat to its menu of "Safari Tacos" on May 2, the restaurant has had to field hostile calls from critics who are up in arms over the menu choice.

"[People have been] coming into the establishment and throwing punches," the restaurant's manager Brad Barnett told "Good Morning America." "They say they are going to bomb us, burn us down, blow us up."

"They threatened to kidnap Brad [Barnett] and the owner," another manager, Bayardo Alvarez, told ABC News.

But Taco Fusion is fighting back:

Fast forward to 2013: Paranoia has set in as some folks have had their reality challenged. They say that we’ve “crossed the line” by serving Lion. But let me ask you this, did you cross the line when you ate Beef, chicken, or Pork this week? [...]

How is a cow that is injected with hormones, crammed in a dark pen it’s whole life, and then unceremoniously slaughtered any better than a hormone free- free range animal that was raised for meat consumption? One is “majestic” and the other is overweight? One is a fierce predator, the other is a weak link? What exactly is the criteria for which animal has more importance? [...]

Who decides which animals are worthy? If the argument is that a Lion is “Majestic” so you shouldn’t breed them for meat consumption- then what is the lesson here That only the majestic pretty girls get treated well and the ugly ones go to the slaughter pen? How pompous and idiotic does that sound?

POLL: So, what do you think, Neatoramanauts? Is it wrong to eat lions?

• Yes - It's wrong to eat lions
• No - Why are lions any different than other animals that we eat?
• I don't know! Just show me the poll results!

Chubby Checker, dubbed "King of the Twist" due to his hit song "The Twist" and assorted twist-related singles, went to Holland in 1971 and got psychedelic. He released a limited Europe-only album called Chequered! that included soul/psych track Goodbye Victoria ("Goodbye, Victoria. Everybody's going to the moon..."). The possibly drug-related departure may have been an attempt to reach stardom sans the novelty of "The Twist." The album was produced by known scam artist Ed Chalpin and recently remastered and reissued.

Las monjas del convento de María Inmaculada, ubicado en la calle San Nicolás de Murcia, han encontrado esta misma mañana a un hombre de 35 años que había sido abandonado a las puertas de sus instalaciones. Tras el hallazgo, las monjas avisaron a los servicios sanitarios del 112, cuyos miembros constataron que el hombre se encontraba “en perfecto estado de salud”.

El pequeño ha sido encontrado esta mañana a las seis, cuando una de las monjas ha oído golpes en la puerta y ha visto en el suelo a un hombre perfectamente vestido que le ha dado los buenos días, le ha saludado diciendo “Alfonso, para servirla” y le ha explicado que había sido abandonado por su mamá.

Al parecer, la madre ha renunciado a la tutela de su hijo treintañero debido a las graves dificultades económicas que atraviesa la familia y porque asegura que no puede hacerse cargo de él. Confía, según ha podido saber la prensa, en que otra familia pueda acoger a su hijo y “terminar de criarlo como él se merece”.

15 treintañeros abandonados por sus padres en 2013

En lo que va de año, 15 personas han sido abandonadas por sus progenitores, que renuncian a hacerse cargo de los pequeños. Los padres, desesperados, ven que no van a poder seguir atendiéndoles y los depositan en lugares donde saben que alguien puede encontrarlos, ya sean conventos, hospitales e incluso contenedores de basura.

Hace una semana, Manuel Soro, de 23 años, relató a Europa Press que, mientras realizaba tareas de albañilería en una casa de Barcelona, bajó a la calle para tirar una bolsa de basura al contenedor y al acercarse oyó llorar a un hombre. “Al abrirlo vi a un tipo envuelto en una manta, vestido como un señor. El pobre estaba todo mojado y me dijo que tenía hambre”, explicó. El hombre se llamaba Raúl Bonet, de 38 años, y había sido abandonado por sus padres.

“Llamé a un compañero, cogimos al hombre y lo tapamos con una chaqueta porque tenía frío y lo metimos en la furgoneta, luego avisamos a una ambulancia que vino de inmediato”, explica Manuel. Estuvieron charlando de fútbol y compartiendo un cigarrillo mientras llegaba la ambulancia.

Manuel ahora está iniciando los trámites para adoptar al hombre de 38 años que encontró en la basura “porque siento que le salvé la vida y que ahora es mi responsabilidad, pese a que tiene 15 años más que yo. Pero bueno, yo al menos tengo trabajo”.

It's only two weeks til the launch of the new season of Arrested Development and Netflix has released this trailer.


NewOnNetflix | via

PHOTOGRAPHER: MAYA FUHR
STYLIST: CHLOE WISE

Assisted by Sara Graorac

 

Constance, 21, Montreal - American Apparel shirt and underwear

What do you do for a living?
I quit school, but I do acting classes and I’m trying to build my portfolio. I also work coat check at an art space.

How long has your bedroom been this messy?
It's been messy since forever, but my mom used to tell me to clean it. Now that I live with my daddy, he's very easy going.

How far in advance do you plan to clean?
Everyday I tell myself I'm going to do it.

Do you collect anything?
I don't collect anything particular, but I love shoes and sunglasses.

Do you ever throw anything out?
I’m always filling bags of clothes I don't want any more, but I never do it. I still have bags in my closet. I just feel bad about getting rid of stuff.

Were you messy as a kid?
Yes I was messy, but my mom would make me clean it.

What do your friends think of your mess?
I only bring my best friends over and they think it’s funny. There’s no room to walk and they have to jump over my clothes. If other people come over I keep the door shut.

What would your parents say about your place?
I live with my dad so the apartment is clean, except my room. But I guess he's sick of fighting with me over it, so I just close the door.

Would you consider yourself organized in other aspects of your life?
Yes, when it comes to work and acting I’m really organized! Since I bought an agenda, my life is going much better.

What is your favorite item that you own?  Are you ever worried you could lose it in the mess?
My favorite thing is a stuffed animal cow, but it's always in my bed. He doesn't get hurt if he falls down because there are clothes everywhere.

Basia, 21, Montreal – Sean John Sweater

How long has your bedroom been this messy?
It usually stays the same. I find it easier to find things when they are on the floor. If I put anything away, I cant ever find it. But if I throw it on the floor, I remember the last spot I saw it.

Do you bring lovers into your place? Do they ever remark on the mess?
I think people are more perplexed by the amount of things I own in general. I have been hoarding shit my whole life, but now that I am older I finally have most of it in one place. It has made up for all those years of having it all hid away in storage. I like having everything out in the open where I see all of my things living happily together.

Do you collect anything?
Batteries (used), Gatorade, Cameras, dead animal art. I live right behind a Salvation Army so I go everyday and buy whatever random crap is cute or interesting. I don’t really shop at real clothing stores because the Salvation Army is so cheap and you can always find one-of-a -kind items there. I don’t really want anyone else to own what I own. 

Were you messy as a kid?
I was the same as a kid, I just lived in an ocean of clothing. My parents did make me clean my room, but it usually took weeks or I would have to clean the morning my cleaning lady was coming. They would usually just put a sign on my door for the cleaning lady saying “DON’T WORRY YOU DON’T HAVE TO CLEAN THIS ROOM IT’S GROSS.”

What would your parents say about your apartment now?
They don’t really care, I think they are happy I moved out because I was so messy, and most of the shit I own is theirs anyway. They sold their cottage, so I got most of the furniture and paraphernalia.

 

Asia, 25, Toronto - Marc Jacobs sweater, vintage shirt.

What do you do for a living?
I’m an artist.

How long has your bedroom been this messy?
The mess has a tendency to ebb and flow, depending on my mood. This is actually pretty tidy. I'm having a good week so far.

How far in advance do you plan to clean?
Sometimes when I come home drunk I clean, but by the time I wake up, it's a mess again. I'm not sure how it happens. I don't plan to live in a clean place until I can afford a French maid, so no, I don't procrastinate.

Do you bring lovers into your place, and what do they think of the mess?
I bring boys home sometimes. If they complain I punish them.

Do you collect anything?
Yes. Rare and precious jewels. I accept donations.

Were you messy as a kid?
I've always been messy. My mom never cared, but it grossed my brother out because he's a Virgo. My mom still doesn't care that I live this way. My brother never comes over. I don't mind though because he's got cable at his place and pretty much always has food.

What would your parents say about your apartment now?
I make sure to look clean and pretty when I leave the house and I'm usually tidy when I make art.

What is your favorite item that you own, and are you worried about losing it in the mess?
My favorite item is a secret. I don't want to say whether it's hidden or not because I don't want people snooping around when they come over.

Elaine, 25, Montreal – Vintage top.

How far in advance do you plan to clean your room?
I never plan it. It just happens if something is getting stinky, or if I'm high and I feel like getting shit done. The only thing I do regularly is the kitty litter, and I had to train myself to do it, because I really love my cats. 

Do you collect anything?
Yes: toys of all kind, pastel clothes, plushies, platform shoes, jewelry, stationary, vintage porn, cat-related stuff, vintage Halloween things. Toys include: My little pony first gen, Barbies, sex toys, sex crystals, and vinyl toys like Friends With You. I like playing, and I think my mess is inherently tied with playfulness. I have some sort of hoarding problem, I guess, but I enjoy being surrounded by cute things, and I like them all around, finding them spontaneously where they shouldn't be. 

What would your parents say about your apartment now?
They never really come here. My dad is pretty judgmental, although he is really messy too. He told me a couple of times that "I should clean up so I can get a boyfriend who will stay." I guess I'm like the feminist anti-housewife. My mom doesn't judge me, she likes that I don't fit in the norm.

What is your favorite item that you own?  Do you ever feel like you could loose it in your mess, so you hide it somewhere special?
Actually I have a hidden treasure box in my wardrobe. Inside there's a few pictures from my childhood, little things from a dead friend, a diary I wrote few years ago, and hair I received in a letter from my boyfriend when we were living in different cities. Besides that, if I want stuff to be easy to access, it is usually on my desk, in my bedroom—things like sex toys or lube, let's say. The only things I ever lose are money or drugs, and I'm just really happy when I randomly find them again.

Hannah, 24, Toronto - American Apparel top.

How long has your bedroom been this messy?
Too long

How far in advance do you plan to clean?
I find I have to wait till the mood strikes me. Usually happens when I'm stoned and I've watched all the new episodes of my favorite TV shows, but I still don't want to do my homework, so I clean. But yeah I procrastinate everything. Whether I'm procrastinating studying by cleaning or vice versa.

Do you bring lovers into your place, and what do they think of the mess?
Sometimes I'll warn people before they come over but I try not to apologize for it. Usually people say they don't give a shit. But then they do give a shit when they're in the bathroom and there's no toilet paper.

Do you collect anything?
I collect knick-knacks and things I believe to be sentimental. For some reason I can’t bring myself to throw out batteries, I always think there will still be a little juice in them.

Were you messy as a kid?
I was a pretty messy kid. Every once in a while my parents would make me clean my room and once I got into cleaning I kind of enjoyed it, but I still never did it. I remember one time hiding all my dirty laundry in my toy trunk because I was too lazy to put it in the hamper down the hall. I got in shit for that one.

What is your favorite item that you own and are you worried about losing it in the mess?
I have a green stuffed worm thing my mom made but that usually just stays in my bed. I also have the head of a Barbie my sister and I used to play with a TON, which I usually try to keep safely perched on something.

Lara, 27, Toronto - Vintage shirt.

How long has your bedroom been this messy?
This is the worst it has been in a long time.

How far in advance do you plan to clean? Do you procrastinate?
Oh, I procrastinate cleaning all the time, and never plan in advance. If I need to be inspired to clean I watch Hoarders. It helps a lot.

Do you collect anything?
I collect elephant statues, vintage horror posters/lobby cards, rocks, and beach treasures like glass bits, bones, and driftwood. And of course all the standards: movies, books, records. As a child I had a large collection of chipmunk postcards from places I went camping.

Were you messy as a kid?
I’ve always had a cluttered room. I don't remember my parents making me clean it that much. My mom says a clean house means a misspent life.

What would your parents say about your apartment now?
They would probably just see my empty wine bottles and say "Oh Lara, I hope you aren't wasting all your money on alcohol."

Would you consider yourself organized in other aspects of your life?
I like to be organized in a visual way with certain things. My books and movies are organized by color, all my T-shirts are folded and stacked perfectly neat, also arranged by color. In a work setting I am definitely not slobby like I am in my personal space! 

What is your favorite thing that you own? Do you ever feel like you could loose it in the mess?
My favorite thing is a black onyx ring that was on my grandmother's finger in her coffin. I would never lose it. I wear it every day and always make sure I know where it is when I take it off. For someone so messy, I rarely lose things.

Madeline, 24, Montreal - Vintage top.

How long has your bedroom been this messy?
For as long as I can remember, it’s always messy. My parents never used to make me clean my room or make my bed. I was a spoilt little brat in that way. So I guess bad habits, or no habits carried over. My big sister is the same way.

Do you bring lovers into your place? Do they ever remark on the mess?
Not very often, but no—I would kick them out, fuck that.

Do you collect anything?
Lots of old shit. I get really into collecting certain things, comic books, little trinkets, statues, suitcases, and other useless crap. Now that I think of it, I guess it really adds to the mess. 

What would your parents say about your apartment now?
Oh god… hopefully they’ll never see it. They might ask me if I was doing okay, or if I needed some money or something.

Would you consider yourself organized in other aspects of your life? 
I guess so, I just got a computer for the first time a little while ago, so that’s helped me a lot with school.

Do you ever feel like you could lose one of your favorite things in your mess, so you hide it somewhere special?
I don’t really have one. I’ve definitely lost shit before and wondered where it’s gone. But then I always end up finding it again in some obscure place, that’s half the fun for me.

Rita, 29, Toronto - American Apparel undershirt, Rita Liefhebber overshirt.

What do you do for a living?
I make hand dyed/hand knit pieces under my fashion label.

How long has your bedroom been this messy?
It’s always been messy but it’s gotten worse. This past year has been nuts for me and when I get home I just crash.

How far in advance do you plan to clean?
I don't because I'm a master procrastinator. I wish I could get paid for it I'm so good.

Do you bring lovers into your place?
I have one lover and he has accepted this as an extension of me. Deep down I know he loves it.

Do you collect anything?
Water bottles. I have one from two summers ago beside my bed.

Were you messy as a kid?
Yes I guess I haven't grown out of my rebellious stage.

What would your parents say about your apartment now?
I think they'd dig it. It's cozy. It would probably root up memories of our summer camping trips.

Would you consider yourself organized in other aspects of your life?
My studio has a light, airy feeling with a few dyed splats. I can't be creative with lots of stuff but this room is just for snoozing.

What is your favorite thing you own?
One of my hand dyed shirts I love them all equally like children. They are hung neatly on a rack in another room.

Tess, 22, Toronto - Opening Ceremony.

What do you do for a living?
I am a musician and a photographer. I went to school. I don't anymore. 

How long has your bedroom been this messy?
Forever.

How far in advance do you plan to clean? Do you procrastinate?
I don't have a lot of free time.

Do you bring lovers into your place what do they think of the mess?
No comment. 

Do you collect anything?
Records and clothes and jewelry and books. 

Were you messy as a kid?
It was maybe worse than now. My parents tried to get me to clean my room, but I was very defiant. 

What would your parents say about your apartment now?
They would be horrified. 

Would you consider yourself organized in other aspects of your life?
I'm totally organized with my life. That's the funny thing.

What is your favorite item that you own and are you worried about losing it in the mess?
I’ve got a few special rings. Possessions don't really matter. 

More from VICE:

Hoard O' Plenty 

Bless This Mess

French prankster Rémi Gaillard compiles his top ten pranks he pulled against workers of the law.


N'importe qui

Dorkly

Un barcalés adapta la música de la saga que tocará la banda de Valga

“A los 82 años, exiliado en Burdeos, el pintor Francisco de Goya rememora sentado en su váter los acontecimientos que marcaron su vida. Una vida en la que, casualmente, se han sucedido convulsiones políticas, pasiones emponzoñadas y el éxtasis de la fama. ¿Podrá el célebre pintor acordarse de todo antes de que algún familiar preocupado llame a la puerta de los baños para preguntar si le pasa algo?”

“Comienzos de los años 50: Salvador y María, dos seres sin suerte en la vida, ven como sus destinos se cruzan. Ella acaba de ser despedida de la casa en la que servía. Él es el encargado del cine Oriente, lugar que, casualmente, escoge María para protegerse de la lluvia. Deciden iniciar una vida en común pero sus esfuerzos resultan inútiles a causa de la insistencia del actor de teatro José María Pou, antiguo amante de ambos. El fracaso, la mala suerte y los logros interpretativos les acompañarán en esta singular aventura”.

“En plena guerra civil española, los bombardeos amenazan el Museo del Prado. Las autoridades ordenan la evacuación inmediata de todas las obras de arte. Manuel, un celador del Museo, encuentra, casualmente, un autorretrato de Francisco de Goya perdido en el traslado de las obras. El joven no dudará en proteger a toda costa el cuadro poniendo en peligro su vida y la de su familia a pesar del olor a mierda que desprende el lienzo”.

“Casualmente, Barcelona vive de lleno los preparativos para la celebración de los Juegos Olímpicos de 1992. Mike O’Brian, reportero norteamericano de televisión, llega a la villa olímpica como tantos otros en pleno verano. Su misión es informar del ambiente deportivo, pero pronto O’Brian estará más interesado en desvelar las intrigas políticas de la ciudad. Una mujer, Muriel Pajiller, incitará con el coño al bies a O’Brian a buscar pistas de un posible complot internacional. La cámara del periodista nos introducirá en el apasionante mundo que rodea a las Olimpiadas, un mundo lleno de amenazas, pasiones y tickets-restaurante en el que O’Brian, casualmente, se lo jugará todo”.

"In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming. Dreaming of belly rubs." But I'm scared of Jenny Fontana's monstrosity. Will I wake him from his slumber by petting him? Is that a risk worth taking?

Link -via Ian Brooks

Photo via Flickr user Kleuske

This past Monday I did a standup show, and one of the other comics said something along the lines of, “I have depression, but I recently stopped taking my medications.” The crowd applauded in support of her strength and resilience.

I am very happy for my friend and fellow comic if she is feeling good. I appreciate that people have a great respect for self-reliance. But as someone who goes into a month-long manic tailspin every few years, as well as more frequent batshit-crazy days-long episodes of depression every few months, I know I need my pills. I take medications every morning and night—they’re my breakfast, and they’re my dessert. I love them. And frankly, I was a little weirded out that the idea of not taking medication is worthy of applause.

Can you imagine if a comic walked on stage and said, “I have diabetes, but I haven’t taken my insulin in three weeks”? The room wouldn’t have been so supportive. People would probably say, “Wait, why?” or, “Oh, you shouldn’t do that!” or, “Please don’t have a seizure, I only have one spoon with me right now and would rather not use it to secure your tongue. Also, please don’t ask why I brought a spoon to a comedy club.”

That audience’s reaction brought me back to the feelings of trepidation and shame I had when I was initially thinking about going on medications, a decision that in hindsight, I’m extremely proud of. Getting help for my issues was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, because when I get dangerously sad or manic, those feelings seek to perpetuate themselves. My sadness compels me to hide it so that people won’t judge me. Seeking help would have blown my cover. Meanwhile, my mania convinces me that it’s making me fun so I’ll want to dive further into it. Seeking help would’ve ruined that good time. Overcoming the effects those feelings have on me—and they way they make me antisocial, unapproachable, and impossible to deal with—was very hard, even without the social stigmas that come with declaring to the world I can’t handle my shit.

My medications make me easier to deal with. They don’t interfere with my creativity or turn me into a zombie or dull my real personality. They help me connect with people, allow me to stay calm when situations seem overwhelming, and help keep my thoughts from racing out of control. They help me leave the house when I’m scared to. They help.

I won’t lie—there are certain drawbacks to medication, mostly the side effects. It’s important to note that the side effects of these drugs have generally lessened since I started taking them in 2002. But I’d argue that even at their worst, these side effects don’t detract from one’s well-being more than being a lunatic with out-of-control emotions does. To illustrate this, I’ve listed the side effects of various medications I’ve taken over time, as well as the behaviors that made those medications necessary. We can all judge together if the pills are a net benefit or not.

Side effects of Depakote (in 2002):
First of all, there was the short-term memory loss. I would often find myself in the middle of conversations with no knowledge of what I was talking about. This affected my work (I often had to have things explained to me multiple times because I would forget what conversation I was having) and my social life—I was once on a date with a young lady and had to interrupt her to say, “I have no idea what we’re talking about, I’m sorry.” Needless to say, my game was not as smooth as it could have been. I also became a real fat fuck. I was warned when I went on Depakoe that it would be hard to lose any weight I put on. Instead of watching my eating and starting to exercise more, I altered nothing about my life and ballooned up to close to 180 pounds, the largest I’ve ever been.

How Depakote helped me:
I was able to talk to other human beings, including girls, without averting my eyes and wanting to shit my pants. This allowed me to have calm conversations with people I was intimidated by. I was able to ask out girls when I sensed they thought I was charming, instead of quaking in fear and avoiding seeing them ever again. So while I was now fatter and occasionally forgetful, I could take ladies on dates and comfortably interact with other humans. Also, before I went on Depakote, I had an overactive long-term memory focused primarily on self-hatred and doubt. While my short-term memory suffered under the effects of medication, my non-medicated memory kept bringing up all the times I fucked up, all the conversations I ruined, and all the unlikeable things about myself.

Who wins:
Being skinny and silent loses out to being chubby and social, especially since the skinniness was at least in part due to the constant shitting caused by my anxiety. And while my memory lapses lead to some truly uncomfortable interactions, the overall improvement in my opinion of myself is decidedly worth it.

Side effect of Risperdal (in 2002):
Risperdal is arguably the most heavy-duty drug I’ve ever been put on. It is a straight-up anti-psychotic that I took for a few years when things got really bad. Risperdal itself only gave me tightened-up back muscles, but the muscle relaxer they gave me to deal with that had a severe side effect. How do I put this?

It made me ejaculate water.

That’s really the simplest way to explain it. I’m sure that it wasn’t actual molecules of hydrogen bonded to oxygen emerging from my penis; I’m sure that the substance actually did include bodily fluids more akin to the substance I ejaculated before and after being on Risperdal. That being said, whatever I was cumming, to the naked eye, looked like pure H2O.

I can remember few instances in my life that were sadder than the first time I masturbated after these side effects set in. I cried instantly when I saw the results. The anxiety of it potentially happening again lead to future instances of crying during masturbation, which was actually less sad—the pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of pain intermingled so directly that the experience was borderline poetic.

How Risperdal helped me:
While you may think that nothing is worth cumming water and crying while masturbating, the behaviors Risperdal helped solved were scary and were probably putting my life in danger. Specifically, I suffered from severe bouts of paranoia. This paranoia presented itself in some innocuous but annoying ways, like my inability to sleep through an entire night without waking up 15 times thinking I had slept through my alarm and was late for something. There were also less-innocuous manifestations, like how I refused to push the button to signal busses to stop because I was convinced the government could track me if I did, or how I was unable to drive at night because I would convince myself the car behind me was a cop about to pull me over. These were life-altering fears and behaviors that only got worse over time. On top of that, my personal relationships suffered immensely because of my ever-growing suspicions that people around me were out to sabotage me.

Who wins:
Tie. The paranoia was insane, ruined my life, and I remember the exact day when the medication took hold and my paranoid behaviors began to lessen. It remains one of the best days of my life. That being said, I came water. Nothing’s going to balance that out completely, so we’ll call this one a push.

Side effects of Wellbutrin (from 2007 onward):
None.

How Wellbutrin helped me:
Oh I don’t know, maybe it helped me not feel the way I felt when I crashed a car just to see if I would live or die.

Who wins:
Not taking this medication. Psych!

Side effects of Adderall (in 2012):
Intense muscle cramps, a constant need to urinate, alternating inability to gain an erection and inability to ejaculate once an erection was maintained, and increased muscle tension that led to internal hemorrhoids that caused me to shit bright red blood.

How Adderall helped me:
My shrink had a hunch that a lot of my anxiety was rooted in some ADD and OCD tendencies, so she put me on Adderall. The benefits were that I felt like a superhero who didn’t need to sleep or eat, I could get projects done seemingly as soon as I thought of them, and my ability to be charming and quick-witted increased by roughly 1,000 percent.

Who wins:
Not taking this medication. Adderall is not for me. It’s pretty clear that I didn’t have OCD/ADD imbalances and was  basically just turning into a meth head. That said, I have an unfinished bottle of Adderall in a drawer somewhere, so if any NYU sophomores want to trade goods for them, hit me up.

For those keeping score, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks by a tally of 3-1-1. It’s not really a contest.

I’m down to support anyone who looks to get better. If someone feels strong for not taking pills, I applaud them. But I hope people out there who might not suffer from mental illness themselves understand that those who are not in a healthy frame of mind often have a lot of fear and paranoia about admitting weakness, and it makes getting help a truly terrifying prospect. From calling a doctor to showing up at his office to getting a prescription to putting a pill in your mouth, there are a lot of chances to bail on giving yourself the help you need. To actually admit that you have a sickness, get help for it, and get to a point where you’re regularly taking medications involves a lot of soul-searching, shit-eating, and fear. Not needing pills is strong, sure. Taking them is sometimes even scarier, so let’s applaud that too.

PS: I'm still not sure if cumming water is worse than shitting blood.

@ChrisGethard

Also by Chris: Why I Quit Drinking

Amén.
Humor Cristiano. Alberto González Vázquez. 2012.

• El mítico presentador y doblador ha fallecido en Barcelona. Recordamos su trayectoria.

Constantino Romero ha fallecido a los 65 años en Barcelona. Se ha apagado, así, la voz española en las películas de Clint Eastwood, Darth Vader o Arnold Schwarzenneger. Y es que Romero fue un actor de doblaje imprescindible. De hecho, su contundente poder como locutor le llevó a convertirse también en el maestro de ceremonias perfecto de los concursos de la pequeña pantalla.

La primera vez que apareció en televisión, cuando ya era un veterano doblador, fue bajo el nombre de Tino Romero. Fue en el concurso Ya sé que tienes novio, una idea original de la Trinca, que emitió TVE en 1985 y que no triunfó, pero que Romero siempre recordó con cariño, pues este espacio le llevó a conducir el formato que le otorgó la gran popularidad y el afecto de la gente: El Tiempo es Oro, el mítico juego de buscar respuestas en enciclopedias en las tardes de los domingos en TVE. Entonces no había Google…

Desde este trabajo, Constantino no cesó de trabajar en la pequeña pantalla. Sustituto de Julia Otero en sus vacaciones veraniegas a cargo de 3×4; La vida es juego (1992-1993), Valor y coraje (1993-1995), Alta Tensión (1998-1999) o La silla (2002) fueron algunos de otros espacios importantes clave en la larga lista de televisión que protagonizó. Aunque en su trayectoria destaca, de forma especial, la irrepetible Parodia Nacional que, entre 1996 y 1999, se convirtió en un exitoso espectáculo que conjugaba canciones reconocibles y crítica social. El programa fue retirado por presiones del poder.

Por este programa, La Parodia Nacional, se llevó el TP de Oro como mejor presentador en 1996. No fue el único TP, en 1999 logró otro por Alta Tensión. Además, también en 1999 fue reconocido con la Antena de Oro.

Mucha televisión, mucho cine como doblador y también mucho teatro, donde se ganó prestigio con grandes clásicos como Sweeney Todd,  A Little Night Music o Mahagonny, musicales bajo las órdenes de Mario Gas.

Además, el instinto del show de Constantino siempre fue un gran aliado cuando asistió como invitado a programas ajenos, donde nos regaló grandes momentos en ediciones de Telepasión, Un, dos, tres… o en variopintos gags, como este en el que se dejó pringar por Martes y Trece:

Muy activo en la red social, en la que no se cortaba en hacer críticas al gobierno, su último tuit fue este pasado 5 de mayo. Aunque la despedida pública de Constantino Romero fue el pasado 12 de diciembre, cuando, también a través de Twitter, anunció su jubilación: “Gracias por el afecto. Han sido 47 años de trabajo. Y toda una vida. Radio, televisión, teatro, doblaje. Ha valido la pena. Un abrazo. That’s all folks! (¡Eso es todo amigos!)”.

Fue una despedida en 140 caracteres, pero impregnada de la personalidad que siempre supo dar a sus programas. De hecho ese mismo ‘¡Eso es todo amigos!’ lo pronunció Romero al final de más de uno de sus programas con ese reconocible carisma que desprendía y que marcó la televisión de una época.

Porque Constantino Romero era de esos presentadores con presencia rotunda en plató, pero al mismo tiempo con una mirada cómplice con el espectador. Y es que Constantino Romero, era un presentador que resumía lo que era ser un presentador. Un presentador de esos que ya casi no quedan. ¡That,s all folks!

Foto cedida por Carta de Ajuste

Get a load of this guy!

 

Previously - Start Spreading the Nuge

The Albion Beatnik shop in Oxford, England, has this sign in a window. Respect! The text is a reworking of This is a Printing Office by Beatrice Warde. Link -via Buzzfeed