Snob

• En un taller de pedagogos recomiendan qué poner a los niños frente al espejo

En un momento histórico para la ciencia de nuestro país, ayer Televisión Española consiguió inventar una máquina del tiempo para trasladar a todos los que estaban viendo el telediario a los años 50. Un reportaje sobre un taller de cómo deben vestir los hijos, que incluye como highlight a la reportera diciendo : " Y la gran pregunta, ¿irá mi hija provocando? " consiguió ese hito. Esto es sólo un prototipo. Están desarrollando un reportaje que se emitirá en blanco y negro directamente que hará que los que lo vean desarrollen espontáneamente bigote o peineta.

Hechos

David: apretar a Ayoub en la brecha.

Ayoub: apretar a David en los puntos de la herida.

Emociones

David: fatal

Ayoub: fatal.

Jesse talks to Mel Brooks about his unparalleled career -- from writing for Sid Caesar on television in the 1950s to working with Gene Wilder on The Producers, Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein in the 60s and 70s. Then later, Jesse talks to the directors of a documentary that follows the transformation of a man from WWII flying ace into Father Yod - the leader of a 1970s commune in the Hollywood Hills. Plus hear some of the psychedelic music that Father Yod made with his followers: the Source Family.

Ao redor de dúas mil persoas manifestáronse polas rúas de Ferrol nas proximidades da sede do PP e do Concello, moi protexido pola policía. Ao final da marcha plantáronlle lume a dous bonecos coas caretas do presidente da Xunta e do alcalde da cidade.

Amy Poehler has a pretty solid resume as both a comedian and a person. After spending time studying at Second City and iO in Chicago, Poehler moved to New York with friends Matt Besser, Matt Walsh, and Ian Roberts to found the Upright Citizens Brigade, which has since grown into the massive community of learners and performers of long-form improv and sketch that it is today. In more recent years, on her off time from her TV work on SNL and Parks and Recreation, Poehler and friends Meredith Walker and Amy Miles started Smart Girls at the Party, an online network to encourage and educate young women about being smart by being themselves. Along the way, Amy Poehler has proven in countless interviews, podcasts, and articles, that she is smart, kind, and funny, about every topic from feminism to Hell to old TV. Check it:

Appearance

It's nice to be short, because people expect less from you. [Smart Girls interview with Irma Kalish, 2013]

Being Cool

What worries me the most is this trend that caring about something isn't cool. That it's better to comment on something than to commit to it. That it's so much cooler to be unmotivated and indifferent. Our culture can get so snarky and ironic sometimes and we kind of wanted Smart Girls to celebrate the opposite of that. [HuffPo, 2008]

Bossiness

I just love bossy women. I could be around them all day. To me, bossy is not a pejorative term at all. It means somebody’s passionate and engaged and ambitious and doesn’t mind leading, like, “All right, everybody, now we go over here. All right, now this happens.”  [Glamour, 2011]

Boston

If I wanted to give you advice as a Bostonian, I would remind you that: (with accent) "Just because you're wicked smart it doesn't mean you are better than me." [Harvard College Class Day speech, 2011]

Comedy

It's very hard to watch comedy for me, when I'm doing a comedy show, because I either watch a show and I love it, and I'm jealous, or I watch a show and I see all the problems with it, and I'm angry that I watched it. But that's for my shrink, not for you… [Fresh Air, 2009]

Costumes

I hate Halloween. I hate dressing up. I hate – I wear wigs, makeup, costumes every day. Halloween is like, my least favorite holiday. [NPR's Morning Edition, 2011]

Family

They say that sibling relationships are the most important relationship in your life, because they know you for every period of your life. They know you when you were a baby and as an adult, and, hopefully, they know you in your old age. Your parents leave too early, your lovers come much later in your life, but your sibling has been with you. [How Was Your Week, 2011]

Feminism

My least favorite part is when women ask me how I do it… In my case, I'm a lot luckier than some people who have to work two jobs and, you know, I sometimes get to bring my kid to work and all that stuff. But this woman was like, "Oh, my God, your hours! You just work so hard! How do you do it?" And I realized that, "How do you do it?" really means "How could you do it?" …There's an unwritten rule that women who stay at home are supposed to pretend it's boring, and women who work are supposed to pretend they feel guilty, and that's how it works. [BUST, 2010]

Fictional Characters

Laverne and Shirley was physical and broad, and I loved those characters. Law & Order’s Lieutenant Anita van Buren is a great example of a tough lady among men. Omar Little from The Wire—one of the best bad good guys, or good bad guys, on TV. Animal from The Muppets, who taught me when in doubt, go crazy [laughs]. And Cliff, from Cheers. [NY Mag, 2011]

Focus Groups

As an actor, you can certainly, at any moment and at any time, discover 400 people who think you’re stupid, fat and ugly. But focus groups — they can be poisonous as well as informative, I guess. (HuffPo, May 2012)

Genre

I would love to do a serious period drama. Oh, absolutely. I mean, you'll find most comedians want to do more serious stuff, most musicians want to be comedians, and most serious actors want to be musicians. [About.com, 2008]

Genuineness

I really like playing Leslie, because it’s like the Sisyphean task of trying to get a park built is very emblematic of what’s happening anywhere someone’s just trying to make change happen while everybody tells them it’s not going to happen. She’s one of those people who believe that one person can make a difference; that no matter how small your job is, you still matter… I’m kind of a sucker for pathos, and I was looking forward to turning down the volume a little bit and trying to play someone who—even though she’s kind of grade-A bananas—could maybe exist in the world. [Glamour, 2011]

Hell

[Responding to Taylor Swift's jab at her and Tina Fey in Vanity Fair] I feel bad if she was upset. I am a feminist, and she is a young and talented girl. That being said, I do agree I am going to hell. But for other reasons. Mostly boring tax stuff. [The Hollywood Reporter, 2013]

History

I know from my experience that the people that preceded me certainly paved the way, and I came into the business at a time when there was a real balance, and women were in all positions of power. Television has always been a great place for women.  [Smart Girls interview with Irma Kalish, 2013]

Improv

I'm gonna say there's really no bad suggestions, because even the stupidest suggestion that you've heard a million times can inspire something. And you're supposed to go with what you're given. I think the idea that somehow a better suggestion makes a better show isn't always the case. [The A.V. Club, 2008]

I moved to Chicago in the early 1990s and I studied improvisation there. I learned some rules that I try to apply still today. Listen, say yes, live in the moment, make sure you play with people who have your back, make big choices early and often. Don't start a scene where two people are talking about jumping out of a plane. Start the scene having already jumped. If you are scared, look into your partner's eyes. You will feel better.  [Harvard College Class Day speech, 2011]

Sometimes when you get too worried about how you look, or about how something's gonna go, you kind of lose what made you special in the first place. I think that ASSSSCAT will really do that to you, really remind you that things are supposed to be dangerous, you're supposed to feel uncomfortable, you're supposed to enjoy not knowing, trusting your partner, and not falling back on the same stuff, and I think that that does that for me. It's the kind of thing that every time, even when I'm really tired, or I feel kind of burned-out, or I feel like I don't have anything—every time I go out and do it, I feel a thousand times better.  [The A.V. Club, 2008]

Influences

I love All in the Family; I think it's the best sitcom to ever be on TV.  [Smart Girls interview with Irma Kalish, 2013]

I hope and assume that every good comedy writer, no matter the age, has a moment where they discover how great Cheers is. And I would encourage any young person getting into comedy to sit down and watch the best television show that's ever been on, and see the structure of it. [GQ, 2012]

SNL was certainly a big influence for me in my teen years, but The Carol Burnett Show was by far the first thing I ever saw that not only was a woman running her own show and being in charge, but also being such a magnanimous, benevolent captain, and there being real, genuine love and sense of play among the cast, and I think that most people who watched that show felt like they were a part of it. [Hitfix, 2012]

Inspiration

I would say my interview style is Morley Safer meets Kermit the Frog, with a dash of Christiane Amanpour. And a pinch of Dinah Shore wrapped in the shell of Lois Lane. My goal is to be the Edward R. Murrow of girls.  [HuffPo, 2008]

The Internet

It's okay to not be looking at what everyone else is looking at all of the time. [Ask Amy, April 2013]

Irony

I don't believe in ironic watching, you're either watching or you're not. [How Was Your Week, 2011]

Music

Right now I'm singing along to books on tape. I typically pop in something like Stephen King's The Stand, and I love singing along to that kind of stuff. [NY Daily News, 2011]

Los Angeles

L.A. is like a campus where everybody has the same major.  [How Was Your Week, 2011]

People talk to you a lot in restaurants [in L.A.]. People ask you, "What are you eating? That looks good." It’s strange. It is totally unnerving. My first instinct is to make a fist. And then I realize they’re just being nice. [The Daily Beast, 2009]

New York

[On her quintessential New York day] For me it’s waking up and turning on NY1 — checking the local weather, seeing who got murdered — and then it’s going to the deli and getting a bacon, egg and cheese on a roll. [LA Times Magazine, 2011]

New York is my home... Nobody's interested in you, in the best way. [How Was Your Week, 2011]

There’s something so romantic about being broke in New York. You gotta do it. You have to live there once without any money, and then you have to live there when you have money. Let me tell you, of the two, the latter is far better. [LA Times Magazine, 2011]

Openness

I loved doing [Weekend] Update. It completely and in the best way changed my experience of doing the show. Lorne Michaels always said to me that the difference is that you will say your name on the show, and it makes a difference… you're allowing yourself to be yourself on camera, which is hard for an actor to do but really hard for a comedian to do, I think. You're not hiding behind a character. [Nightline, 2008]

Parenthood

Always remember your kid’s name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don’t let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers…for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces. [The Daily Beast, 2009]

I don't care if it's a girl or a boy, I want it to marry Alice Richmond, Tina (Fey)'s daughter. We'd make a lovely mother and mother-in-law of the bride. [USA Today, 2008]

[Answering if her son is funny because of his comedian parents] Actually, he has the personality of a French New Wave film. He's really serious, very abstract. [BUST, 2010]

People

Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people's faces. People's faces will tell you amazing things. Like if they are angry or nauseous, or asleep. [Harvard College Class Day speech, 2011]

Politics

If you look at the history of SNL, there is certainly a case to be made for the fact that everyone has been hit hard, evenly, equally, and I would say fairly and unfairly, all at the same time. [Nightline, 2008]

What has been fun about playing Leslie is getting to a very local level. Everybody’s macro ideas of how they feel about taxes and gay marriage and whatever fade when you are actually doing the day-to-day work. Both conservatives and liberals watch Parks and Recreation, and they each think the show is for them, which is really cool. [LA Times Magazine, 2011]

[On Parks and Rec] People watch our show and they think it's a red-state show, and then other people watch it and think it's a blue-state show. I think there's something fun about the politics of the show aren't very clear. [NPR's Morning Edition, 2011

Pregnancy

A little person exists in this little body, and he's growing, and getting to meet that person is the coolest part. [BUST, 2010]

Being pregnant and doing comedy is like wearing a giant sombrero in every scene. Everyone is just trying to pretend it's not there. It can be limiting. It gets boring. [USA Today, 2008]

Relationships

The reason why we liked Blades of Glory so much is that it was such a twisted relationship because they were brother and sister. I think real life couples on screen are kind of deadly. For the most part, they're kind of deadly. You'd be surprised. Unless they're falling in love onscreen for the first time, you don't have quite the same energy for some reason. [About.com, 2008]

Risks

The great thing about taking big chances when you’re younger is you have less to lose, and you don’t know as much. So you take big swings. [NY Mag, 2011]

SNL

That job is so hard, you get a trench mentality where you all were in the trench together. And anyone who worked there will always be able to go back there with you and talk about their experience. It's a really cool club to belong to. We're like a bunch of vets. [BUST, 2010]

Standup

Sketch is still uncool... I just remember lugging costumes and wigs and fake blood and stupid fucking props and [standups] putting out a cigarette and walking onstage and talking about [themselves], and me having to be some character in the audience. [WTF, 2011]

Success

I think sometimes with a certain amount of success you get a little disconnected with what it was that brought you there, and you get nervous to take chances. [Nightline, 2008]

Support

When young girls are encouraged to explore what they find interesting, they grow up to be interesting women. [Paste, 2010]

Teamwork

As you navigate through the rest of your life, be open to collaboration. Other people and other people's ideas are often better than your own. Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life. No one is here today because they did it on their own. Okay, maybe Josh, but he's just a straight up weirdo. [Harvard College Class Day speech, 2011]

Television

But let’s be honest, most TV shows are better than movies. [The Daily Beast, 2011]

Unconventional Families

I think the next thing is moon wives. Like having a wife here on earth and then a wife on the moon. And everybody’s cool with it. They’re like, “You’re my Earth wife, but my moon wife and I are also in love.” [Entertainment Weekly, 2013]

Youth

I love, love that age when you’re right on the precipice of teenage years, before you’ve decided that everything’s lame. [LA Times Magazine, 2011]

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See more posts by Jenny Nelson

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Most of the internet is devoted to games and porn, but the overlap between the two categories—video games that let the player pretend to fuck fictional characters—are often ignored, because ew. But it should come as absolutely no surprise that there are a lot of weird entertainments floating around for those who love gaming and jerkin’ it and are too impatient to do those activities separately. 

A lot of these games are very lousy, and I should know—in a never-ending quest to reach the bottom of the internet, I’ve come across several of these depressing artifacts. I want to share my discoveries with the world so you too know that these things are out there. This is by no means a complete consumer’s guide, but I doubt you’d want to read that, anyway.

VDateGames

The VDateGames website hosts 23 different games featuring 26 different digital girls, all the work of one dude with too much time on his hands who calls himself Chaotic. He’s spent countless hours creating strange, sweaty point-and-click adventures—sometimes he makes people pay money for them, sometimes he releases them for free out of the goodness of his heart. His dedication is sort of admirable, in a way.

In the course of the average game on the site, a plasticky, laughably endowed 3D model arrives at your apartment door for a date, and then you navigate around a slideshow of urban imagery, taking your “girl” to a casino, a park, and even a strip club if you’re feeling particularly risqué. (It should be said that all of these locations are ripped directly out of Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, Grand Theft Auto IV, and Hitman: Blood Money. I recognized them right away, and yes, I know what that says about me.) If you play your cards right, you can get your internet dick wet in a number of obvious sexy-fantasy conclusions. Threesomes! Public blowjobs! You can fuck an alien in one of them!

Gameplay: 2/10
Problem is, these games are fucking impossible. To earn your gross sex scene you have to get a very precise set of circumstances to line up on your date. You’d have to be a legit psychopath to go through all the permutations and figure it out. Luckily (?) there is a legion of legit psychopaths on the internet who can provide detailed walkthroughs for every cum-soaked ending there is. But without those walkthroughs, you’ll probably spend a lot of your time on VDateGames getting frustrated instead of laid—just like real life. It’s seriously a byzantine process: “If you want to get her naked in the hotel room, you need to have had three drinks, win roulette at the casino, and purchase the camera at the store. What’s that? You bought the candles instead of the camera? Tough shit, horndog!”

Sexiness: 4/10
I’ll admit that a lot of these models are remarkably well constructed, for what is essentially one man's project that was likely cooked up in some creepy basement. But does this turn you on? Warning, don’t click on this; it is a GIF of computer-generated sex.

No, it doesn't, because the VDateGames chicks are MAD DEEP in the uncanny valley. Unless you’re turned on by cyber-human nymphs who crave polygonal cock, these are probably not the games you’re looking for.

Meet ’n’ Fuck

I don’t know who makes the Meet ’n’ Fuck games, and I never want to meet him. (It’s definitely a him.) These are basically hardcore, cartoon sex scenes from semiobscure Japanese hentai cartoons, linked together by a few barely gamelike features.

Gameplay: 0/10
At their heart, these are just trivia contests. You’re asked questions, and if you answer correctly, the terrifyingly giant-breasted girls will want to fuck you. Nothing gets a pussy moister than knowing the approximate distance between Earth and Venus in the Meet ’n’ Fuck universe.

Sexiness: 0/10
I don’t find these games sexy because I don't have severe emotional problems—these are nightmarish cartoon fever dreams, not erotica. If you are turned on by the anatomically impossible cocks and tits and sex acts, you are going to be severely confused when you finally do get laid.

Gunguro Girl

Ganguro Girl is a middle-school classic. Before you had the balls to find actual porn, you’d turn to whatever smut you could siphon out of free gaming sites like Newgrounds. At least that’s how it worked for me. So many countless, curious nights were spent logging a ridiculous amount of time into this stupid game, just desperate, desperate, for some preteen glimpse of eroticism. This game, by the way, is from 2002, when technology hadn’t reached VDateGirl levels.

Gameplay: 0/10
I honestly have no idea how I had the patience for this in my youth. It plays like a cut-rate JPRG, with all the boring repetitive grinding that entails, except instead of potions and swords you’re buying flowers, and instead of defeating a world-threatening demon, the game climaxes in a 30-second sex scene. Without the cheat codes (yes there are cheat codes), you’re caught in a perpetual loop of talking to your girl, giving her presents, and asking her on dates until you’ve earned enough experience to see her pussy. Ganguro Girl bills itself as a “dating sim,” but if real romance were this monotonous, the human race would have died out long ago.

Sexiness: N/A
I’m going to be honest, I didn’t get to the sex scene in Ganguro Girl, because it would’ve taken me something like 90 minutes and a lot of pointless clicking. I did get to the sex scenes when I was 12 and had a lot of disposable time and no concept of self-respect, and I’m sure I enjoyed them very much. But the things it took to reach that point… occasionally your girl would mention what her height was in centimeters, and when you went on a date with her, she’d sometimes ask you to give her that figure exactly. If you answered incorrectly, you had to start the whole date over. Fuck Ganguro Girl.

Hungirly

Hungirly is a slideshow of sad, unhealthy-looking Hungarian girls stripping while you pretend to have a conversation with them. Inevitably, the porn-video-game industry was going to go international and turn actual, real-life women from countries where there aren’t a lot of employment options into characters in a game. Hungirly is the result. Hoo boy.

Gameplay: 2/10
The English translation of the dialogue is a little dodgy and filled with terrible sex puns, as you can see from the above image. “Thanks, I just really need to put it in.” HA HA HA MY CHARACTER IS ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT HIS PENIS. God, the world is terrible.

Sexiness: 0/10
If you want the porn, you have to hand over your credit card information to Hungirly HQ. I wasn’t feeling that brave, so all I got to look at was the blank stares of these depressing, likely underpaid models. This is a website that should make you feel sad.

@luke_winkie

More on porn:

Seven Sonnets Read by Webcam Models

I Tattooed Porn Websites on My Face so My Kids Wouldn’t Starve

Indifferent Cats in Porn

Where else? Porklandia. The city that brought the world the maple-bacon donut returns with its latest feat: a seriously gourmet hot dog trend. Here are five ways Portlandians are eating their wienies right now.

1. The Pretty Dog

First up, Olympic Provisions takes your basic hot dog structure and makes it, well, beautiful. Their hand-linked Applewood and hickory smoked footlong pork frankfurter comes with artful drizzles of ketchup, dijon, onions, and house-made relish.

2. The Everything Dog

Fine dining Mexican restaurant Xico offers their own take on an Arizona favorite: the Sonoran hot dog: Grilled Nathan’s All Beef Frank, bacon, salsa verde, eye-of-the-goat beans, cotija, crema, and pico de gallo.

3. The Chili Cheese Dog

Portland Penny Diner, the new restaurant from James Beard Award winning chef Vitaly Paley offers up the Stanimal, which saves the exciting stuff for inside the wiener.  A footlong hot dog is packed with oozing cheese and green chile, topped with sauerkraut and grilled onions.

4. The Reuben Dog

 

Kenny and Zuke’s, home of our favorite ever pastrami, adapts our favorite ever sandwich to the HD: reuben dog with pastrami, kraut and Swiss. AND they also serve a breakfast dog with grilled Sabrett, eggs, bacon and cheddar. Amen.

5. The Hamburger Dog

Finally, In The Bent Brick’s recent menu revamp, Chef Scott Dolich introduced several dishes featuring their line of house-made sausages including The Hamburger Dog: ground meat and cheese in a sausage casing topped with hot sauce and relish.

A editorial Positivas está a lanzar este ano as Obras Completas de Vidal Bolaño, un proxecto no que o selo vén traballando dende finais do 2011. Francisco Macías, director de Positivas, e Xosé Manuel Fernández Castro Pepes, autor do estudo A obra dramática de Vidal Bolaño (Laiovento, 2011), encárganse da edición.

Today, Netflix launched a fun new website to promote the new season of Arrested Development, which is set to debut on the streaming service May 26th. Located at InsertMeAnywhere.Biz, it's a faux-website for David Cross's Tobias Fünke where he's uploaded his acting reel on a green screen background for director James Cameron. It's new footage of Fünke auditioning, in costume, for roles like "Motorcycle Ruffian," "Cowpoke," and "Action Hero" for Cameron to add him via green screen into his movies or for Arrested Development fans to green screen him into various films, which is what I'm assuming 90% of web videos will be from now on. Get ready for edited Tobias videos to take over your Facebook wall!

Two other cool new Arrested Development websites have also launched this week: the site for ManGo Juice, which Netflix made for Tobias's endorsement of a fruity drink, and Recurring Developments, "an interactive visualization of running jokes in Arrested Development" that doesn't seem to be Netflix's handiwork at all. Hopefully, there's more fun stuff like this to come over the next 11 days leading up to the launch of Arrested Development's new season.

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See more posts by Bradford Evans

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Hi I'm Bertie, this column is basically a place for me to call bullshit on girl-related things I think are stupid.

Twenty-four hours on, Angelina Jolie's decision to undergo a double mastectomy is still everywhere. Not only was it the first thing I got asked about when I got into work yesterday, but since then it has dominated my Twitter and Facebook feeds and generally just followed me around the internet like that pop-up guy who keeps wanting to share his cam-girl secrets with me. I wouldn't normally let Ang get away with overwhelming my life with her ridiculously perfect face, but it's pretty obvious that she has done an incredibly brave thing. Deciding to share her experience with every single person over breakfast via the New York Times is not something we should underestimate, either. Can you imagine waking up and millions of people are talking about your breasts? That's not something little girls dream about. Or actually, God, maybe it is and I'm just an incorrigible optimist.

It's difficult to empathize with somebody you've never met, but the internet seems to be doing a good job of showing support to a woman who, faced with an 87 percent risk of cancer, bravely decided to follow those numbers and have both of her breasts removed and replaced with implants. Sure, you might have had to sit through The Tourist and maybe you still harbor a fierce grudge about that, but it seems like you'd have to be either stupid or insensitive to belittle Jolie's predicament, especially as it's implied in the NYT piece that she'll be forced to tackle ovarian cancer at some point, too.

Unfortunately, there are lots of stupid and insensitive people on the internet and they're all tweeting the same gag about feeling sorry for Jolie's fiancé, Brad Pitt. (Because ew, can you imagine being married to a woman with no breasts? Poor guy.) Hey, I'm not saying everyone should be completely torn to shreds by this and start weeping into their laptop keyboards, but is a woman—any woman—getting a double mastectomy really something you want to use as fodder for jokes about tits? I'm not going to pretend I'm outraged, I've seen DaddysMoney.com and I'm fully aware that the internet's capacity for idiocy far exceeds whatever energy I can muster to damn it. It just strikes me as being really, really lame:

Oh wow, congratulations on being the worst people on Twitter guys. Way to turn a story around. While it's no surprise Twitter is throwing up some bullshit, I'm actually more interested in trying to work out how and why anybody could have that immediate reaction. (That's called empathizing, BTW.)

Here are some theories.

THEORY #1 – THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT A MASTECTOMY IS
This one doesn't actually seem that farfetched, because judging by Zumani Nutli's tweet, some people seem to be of the opinion that Angelina basically did a DIY jobbie of unzipping and "removing" her breasts from the safety of her own walk-in wardrobe. (I don't know if you read the NYT piece, Zamani, but it took three months and it's not cosmetic.) Oh Ang, how could you take your health into your own hands and make a huge life-changing decision for the benefit of your entire family like that? Brad will cheat for sure.

THEORY #2 – THEY'VE NEVER SEEN A WOMAN'S BODY IN REAL LIFE
If breasts are really the only thing keeping a marriage together, then Emma Watson, Cara Delevingne, and Kaya Scodelario might as well start preparing for lives of lonely spinsterdom. I'm not being a bitch, I'm just saying, the idea that a man would leave his beautiful fiancée because of an uncontrollable obsession with boobs? Ridiculous. Doubly ridiculous is the idea that Brad Pitt would ditch Jolie because she underwent a surgical procedure to stop her getting cancer. These are the type of guys who like to think they're Hunter Moore even though they've never had a real relationship, the kind of guys who prefer enhanced breasts to real ones, anyway. If they'd read the article properly (she's had implants) they probably would've been tweeting about how lucky Brad was that his girl had had a boob job.

THEORY #3 – THEY'RE TEAM JEN (DUH, THIS IS OBVIOUSLY IT)
There is one obvious reason why a whole bunch of people would feel compelled to be rude about Angelina Jolie, and you don't have to look hard to find it. If there was going to be any one factor that could unite the concern of @alberthoward360, @morrismonye, and @AllTheOtherCunts, who's to say it isn't a deep love, reverence, and respect for Rachel from Friends? There are times, though, when even the most devout worshipper of the layered hair and sassy, snappy retorts of the queen of the late 90s needs to step back and say, "Look, Jen is a strong woman and she took a serious blow when Brad and Angelina announced their relationship. But I need to put my personal feelings about this woman to one side and appreciate the difficulty of what she's going through."

BB, Jen will understand. I promise.

Follow Bertie on Twitter: @bertiebrandes

This Woman Who Hates Women Just Made My Day

My Day Out with the London Seduction Society

The Benny Hill Show towered over even Monty Python in terms of worldwide appeal and popularity in its hey day, which is just astounding. However, history rewards the victors and while Monty Python looms large over sketch comedy even today, Benny Hill has been reduced to a curious footnote in comedy history. While both share an enthusiasm for absurdity, Monty Python’s sketches often featured a healthy dose of cerebral satire buried within the anarchic foolishness. Hill, however, strikes modern viewers as broad and cartoonish, avoiding subtly altogether.

Make no mistake; Benny Hill was a huge comedic presence for twenty years (1969-1989) during the run of his titular The Benny Hill Show. The show was produced by Thames Television and was distributed to a worldwide audience of 93 different countries. The show consisted of a variety of sketches in which Hill gropes a girl, and then gets slapped and then they run around to the tune of “Yakety Sax”, which if you are familiar with Benny Hill at all is a song that is already rolling around in your head. You’re Welcome!

Of course, that's not the only reason Hill has been left behind in the dustbin of history. Often, when people speak about Blazing Saddles, they'll say something along the lines of “That movie could never be today.” Which isn’t quite right. If anything, the success of Quention Tarantino’s Django Unchained proves that modern audiences are more than willing to accept a certain amount of politically incorrect material, but like Blazing Saddles it must be made pretty clear that the film is siding with the oppressed and not the oppressor. Having said that, I believe it would be very difficult for The Benny Hill Show to thrive today, as many of the gags tend to be made at the expense of women and often walk the line between sexism and outright misogyny.

Now, I want to make it clear that I am not explicitly saying that Benny Hill is either sexist or misogynist. There are a lot of earnest young people out there taking to the blogs to give their opinion about what goes over the line. Frankly, it's ridiculous when critics get angry at comedians for saying something offensive. To quote Kurt Vonnegut, “He or she is like a person who puts on a full suit of armor and attacked a hot fudge Sunday.” Hell, even Jim Gaffigan was targeted last week for making a joke about nails on Twitter.

So, the real question is, “Is Benny Hill funny?”

Well, no less than Charlie Chaplin was a fan and was rumored to have a collection of Benny Hill tapes in his film library. It is easy to see why the master of the silent film era would enjoy Hill’s work. The Benny Hill Show had quick one liner jokes dispersed throughout an episode, but he is mainly remembered for his long silent scenes consisting of broad physical comedy and visual gags.

While many of the bits in the above video are anachronistic to the modern comedy viewer, one simply cannot dismiss the sheer amount of jokes that are squeezed into the three and half minutes. And while there is certainly a number of leering, groping gags involving women, they are no more lascivious than the antics of silent Marx Brother, Harpo.

While these silent bits are what Benny Hill remains known for, he was also adept at playing different characters throughout the run of the show. He was able to slip between characters seamlessly and had a face that was expressive and commanding, not unlike John Belushi (though the two comics used their talents to considerably different ends).  Here he plays a stable boy in a Lady Godiva sketch (a subject that was tackled by many comedy shows throughout the late 1960s and 1970s, due in part to the explosion of the sexual revolution during that time).

While The Benny Hill Show was extremely popular during its twenty-year run, this was by no means Benny Hill’s first foray into television comedy. He became a staple on British radio during the 1940s and 1950s and soon made his way to television. However, British public television never quite knew what to with him. Often his ideas were censored and it was not until after fleeing the BBC and joining Thames Television that he was given free reign to do what he wanted to do as a television comic.

Although Hill may felt restrained during his time at the BBC, it was there that he found his comedic voice. One of the reasons he became so popular in the UK at this time is because he was one of the first British comedians to take full advantage of the medium of television. Not unlike Ernie Kovaks in America, Hill exploited film techniques that allowed him to produce surreal comedy pieces like “The Fastest Film Director in the World”.

In many ways, this piece is not unlike the great, underrated exploitation parody movie, Black Dynamite from a few years ago, complete with intentionally bad edits and audible off camera mistakes, which is yet another reminder that there is truly “nothing new under the sun.”

I will admit, that I didn’t know much about Benny Hill before starting this article and had always dismissed his show as the UK’s answer to Hee-Haw, but the more I read about him, it seems that he was much more creative and ambitious than I had imagined. By all accounts, Hill was a dedicated craftsman and his entire life was wrapped up in his show. While a millionaire several times over, Hill lived in small apartments and spent very little of the money he had accumulated. He also never married and, though he did propose to three different women throughout his lifetime, only to be rejected. Perhaps it was his inability to connect with women that provided fodder for his frustrated and lecherous character onscreen.

Sadly, very little will be known about what drove Benny Hill. Off screen, he tended to keep to himself and, while those who worked with him never had a bad word to say, he never truly let his guard down.  Hill was crushed when his show was canceled in 1989, and though he did create a one-off special in 1991, Benny Hill in New York, he died shortly afterwards at the age of 68. While his show is little remembered by the mainstream today, YouTube videos attest to the lasting influence he has to fans all over the world. He is gone, but has not been forgotten.

If there are any comedians you would like to see featured in this column in the coming weeks, shoot me a tweet @jtown94 for suggestions or drop a note in the comments section!

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For the first time in Kitchen Nightmares history, British chef Gordon Ramsay walks off his own show. In the segment that aired this week, the difficult owners of Amy's Baking Company in Scottsdale, AZ - Samy and Amy Bouzaglo - are shown stealing tips from their waitstaff, admitting to firing more than 100 employees over a one year period, firing a waitress for asking a question, telling a customer who had been waiting over an hour for his food to go fuck himself (yes, the police were called during filming), and passing off frozen, pre-made raviolis and desserts as if they were homemade. The couple was so resistant to criticism that even the typically steadfast Ramsay decided he couldn't help them and shut the show down before beginning the rehab phase.

And after viewers took to Yelp to trash the restaurant, that's when shit really hit the fan. Amy Bouzaglo went on Facebook and proceeded to have an epic meltdown, going so far as to threaten commenters with police action, and Photoshopping a Reddit thread to make it look like the police were calling users. They have since taken down the comments, claiming that their social media accounts where hacked.

Amy Bouzaglo is no stranger to controversy. In 2010, Bouzaglo made the local news for ripping a Yelp reviewer to shreds, and calling him a moron. Turns out she also used to be known as Amanda Bossingham, and in 2008 she served some time for felony bank fraud and identity theft, attempting to use someone else's Social Security Number to secure a $15,000 loan.

Instructables member peinkc spent only $15 building this portable fire pit. After removing the interior rubber and plastic components, he built a bottom pan out of cookies sheets and fitted mesh spark screens along the sides and top. The bottom rack provides a convenient place to store logs.

Link

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Va a la cárcel a reírse en su puta cara.

Pop Chart Lab offers this chart of cocktails featured in your favorite stories as a fine art print. There are 49 recipes in all, as drunk by James Bond, Hunter S. Thompson, Ebenezer Scrooge, Rocky Balboa, Zaphod Beeblebrox, Jay Gatsy, and more.

Browse the whole thing in full size size at the site. Link -via Nag on the Lake

Some families with money to burn have found a nefarious way to bypass long lines at Walt Disney World in Florida: hire a disabled person to be part of your family for the day.  

The “black-market Disney guides” run $130 an hour, or $1,040 for an eight-hour day.

“My daughter waited one minute to get on ‘It’s a Small World’ — the other kids had to wait 2 1/2 hours,” crowed one mom, who hired a disabled guide through Dream Tours Florida.

“You can’t go to Disney without a tour concierge,’’ she sniffed. “This is how the 1 percent does Disney.”

The woman said she hired a Dream Tours guide to escort her, her husband and their 1-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter through the park in a motorized scooter with a “handicapped” sign on it. The group was sent straight to an auxiliary entrance at the front of each attraction.

Disney allows each guest who needs a wheelchair or motorized scooter to bring up to six guests to a “more convenient entrance.”

Link  -via Digg

(Image credit:Flickr user Joe Penniston)

Sin ser consciente de que una sucesión de problemas personales, muchos de ellos realmente profundos y derivados de su incapacidad para asumir los fracasos, le conducirán a ser adicto a la heroína cuando tenga 28 años, Alberto Garcés, un niño de 8 años, ha vuelto a sacar un “Notable Alto” en Naturales, tal y como han informado sus orgullosos padres.

“¡A ver si vamos a tener a un auténtico Albert Einstein en la familia!” dijo el padre mientras colgaba el examen de su hijo en la nevera sin creer, realmente, que su hijo vaya a ser un científico de importancia capital en el futuro, pero sin sospechar tampoco que, cuando tenga 28 años, se prostituirá habitualmente para financiarse la droga.

Al cierre de la edición, los padres han informado también que esta misma tarde se le han caído dos dientes de leche, experiencia que Alberto repetirá cuando entre en la treintena y pierda poco a poco toda la dentadura delantera.

You can change the direction of the train if you concentrate on it.

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(Halaaa, lo que he dichooo)

 

Part one: algo sobre los orígenes

¡Fíjate qué sorpresa!

Hasta ahora sólo sabíamos que mayo era el mes de las flores, la alegría de la primavera, los primeros rayitos de sol y el publicitado mes del día de la madre. Y, mira tú por dónde, nos encontramos con un nuevo (y mucho más emocionante que los anteriores) evento para celebrar estos días de entretiempo sutilmente soleados y achuchables. En 1995 mayo fue designado como el mes nacional de la masturbación en EEUU. Dicho evento se instauró en San Francisco. Comprobamos con agrado que en algunos lugares de Estados Unidos se concentran personas de mente abierta, para estimular esta ancestral práctica y demostrar sus beneficios científicamente comprobados.

Joycelyn Elders, primera doctora afroamericana nombrada Cirujana General de EUA, habló sobre la masturbación diciendo que “es algo propio de la sexualidad humana que debería ser enseñado” y tal comentario le costó el puesto. Como represalia por esta injusta y ridícula decisión una compañía estadounidense, Good Vibrations, dedicada a la fabricación de juguetes sexuales y la difusión de educación progresista sobre la sexualidad decidió dedicar el mes de mayo al intento de normalización de esta actividad, financiando estudios y organizando conferencias que ayuden a desmitificar mitos y tabúes originados en torno a esta práctica.

Ahora personas como Betty Dodson se han convertido en modernos paladines de la masturbación, intentando mostrar a las mujeres, y a cualquier hombre curioso que quiera ponerse en la piel de otra y saber qué siente respecto a ese tema y de dónde pueden venir los potenciales complejos, que perder el miedo a masturbarse, conocer su anatomía y apartar la vergüenza pueden suponer un interesante y agradable viaje de autodescubrimiento.

 

Part two: típicos tópicos y algunas evidencias

A lo largo de los tiempos, en diversas sociedades, se ha dotado a esta relajante práctica de connotaciones negativas, inmorales e impúdicas. Motivos religiosos, históricos y/o culturales confinaron esta actividad en el rincón de la vergüenza. Nos preguntamos expectantes de dónde vendrían tan engañosas afirmaciones. Pero ahora eso no importa demasiado. Concentrémonos en la destrucción de tan perniciosos mitos.

 Algunas de las falacias que circulan en torno a la masturbación son tan absurdas como las siguientes:

• Es una sexualidad “infantil” que ha de abandonarse en la edad adulta.
• Es un sustituto pobre de lo “realmente importante”, el coito.
• Es una actividad compulsiva.
• El deseo de masturbarse desaparece cuando se tiene pareja.
• Es perniciosa tanto a nivel físico como mental y emocional.
• Es algo para hacer en soledad, no para compartir.
• El sexo es algo para dar a los demás, por tanto la masturbación es egoísta.
• Sólo se masturba la gente aislada, inadecuada o solitaria.
• Los hombres se masturban, pero las mujeres no lo necesitan ni sienten ese deseo.

¡Toma ya! Me va urgiendo la necesidad de empezar con el desmontaje de tan “sabias” y lustrosas reflexiones. Amén de practicar tan gratificante arte. Demos gracias al Señor, a la Señora, a la Ciencia o a todos ellos juntos. Nuestros ojos pueden leer, nuestros oídos escuchar y todo el cuerpo experimentar las inmensas ventajas que este divertido autoconocimiento proporciona:

• Liberación de endorfinas (neurotransmisor de la felicidad y tranquilidad) que induce a una sensación general de bienestar físico y mental.
• Alivio del estrés. Es una estupenda actividad para liberar tensiones.
• Autoconocimiento mental, físico y sensorial. ¿No es fantástico explorar recónditos rincones de la anatomía, imaginar y disfrutar de las reacciones que nos proporciona?
• En el hombre protege el sistema inmunológico y reduce el riesgo de cáncer de próstata.
• En la mujer combate la tensión premenstrual y mitiga considerablemente los dolores menstruales.
• Experiencias, ideas y juegos que compartir en pareja.

Algunas leyendas (a veces realidades) urbanas dicen que esta autocomplacencia física no es un tema del que se hable públicamente por el prejuicio y la vergüenza. Poco a poco se va desmitificando la cuestión, desechando el pensamiento de que quien se masturba es un enfermo/a o un/a demente o que es una actividad vergonzosa que “puede/debe practicarse en privado pero no mentarla o conversar sobre ello de forma  normal en público”. Seguimos pensando que si una mujer comenta sus hábitos masturbatorios puede ser tachada, cuanto menos, de promiscua. Incluso en el sector masculino, en el que tanto viste fanfarronear sobre proezas sexuales, se habla poco sobre ello. Para algunos es algo que sólo se hace si no se tiene pareja, para otros con pareja pero “a escondidas”. Y los más intrépidos/as y aventureros/as gustan de compartir esta práctica con su compañero/a de juegos. Para mí, la mejor opción sin  duda.

Part Three: masturbarse es gratificante, relajante y divertido

Aún me rechinan los dientes pensando en esos momentos en los que oigo sandeces tales como que la masturbación es una actividad para adolescentes (realmente la he oído), que tocarse a si mismo es algo triste a la par que asqueroso o que está bien cuando tu partenaire no está presente, pero que es humillante hacerlo delante de, porque eso es “indicativo” de que no le/la satisfaces lo suficiente. Cuando leo, pienso o escucho ese tipo de sentencias me pregunto en qué momento se detuvo la evolución. ¿No existirá un proceso de maduración, apertura y originalidad mental pareja a la física? Parece que no, o que esa lotería no le ha tocado a todo el mundo (igual va a ser eso, que son pocos los elegidos/as en el arte de la experimentación, destreza e imaginación sexual).

La masturbación  no es humillante, ni implica la insatisfacción de la pareja, ni es un acto sucio, ni culpabilizador. Es una actividad gratificante y placentera, ejecutable en solitario y/o en compañía. Activa ocultos resortes del placer, conduce al autoconocimiento y libera la tensión. Pocos/as parecen entender, mucho menos disfrutar y comprobar, que el sexo es más estimulante y divertido si lo más largo/grande del cuerpo es el cerebro y su desarrollo: más capacidad e imaginación para guiar manos, dedos y pensamientos a esos lugares que activan los sensores del placer.

En cuanto a la mecánica o procedimiento de la actividad es, en principio, muy simple. Hacer acopio de cierta dosis de interiorización. Visualización de los órganos genitales, reconciliarse con ellos es un bonito punto de partida. Si los chicos están encantados con sus palitroques, ¿por qué no nosotras? Dejar rodar los dedos y manos hasta nuestras zonas más íntimas. Vale, no vamos a ponernos modositas ahora. Hasta el coño, el parrús, el chocho o como queráis llamarlo. Empezar acariciando y explorando el clítoris (una parte del cuerpo cuya función es la de proporcionar placer. ¡Toma ya!) lentamente con los dedos, previamente un poco lubricados, centrándose en la inmensa variedad se sensaciones agradables que proporciona, cosquillitas, pequeñas descargas que hacen que los músculos del cuerpo comiencen a tensarse. Caricias y más caricias en la vulva, en los labios, pellizquitos, aumento y disminución esporádica de la intensidad y la presión, pequeñas torturas. Sólo la imaginación y el deleite marcan los límites. Se trata de amplificar el espectro de sensaciones, de tocar y volver a tocar. Y olvidarse y erradicar, de una vez por todas, el ridículo sentimiento de culpa. Dedos curiosos que ruedan y pasean por doquier y nos encanta. ¿La meta es el orgasmo? ¿De verdad? ¿Otra cosa más que nos han vendido, “si no hay orgasmo algo va mal”? ¡Cuánto por desaprender!

Aprendemos a explorar nuestro cuerpo, a conocer lo que nos da placer y lo que no, a relajarnos y liberar la tensión. Y ya puestas a certificar ¿por qué no variar incluso la posición?, ¿desnudas?, ¿vestidas?, ¿y qué tal un jueguecito experimental con la presión del chorro en la ducha? Y dando una nueva vuelta de tuerca a la osadía, perversidad y la capacidad de “escandalizar” al contrario, masturbarnos en pareja. Dar a conocer por medio de susurros, respiración o gemidos que ESO nos GUSTA. ¿Por qué no mirar mientras el/la acompañante se masturba o que nos mire mientras lo hacemos nosotras¿. O masturbar nosotros/as, o que nos masturben. Esos dedos mágicos, esa mente insaciable, los músculos tensos, la espalda arqueada. Aumentamos poco a poco el repertorio de conductas agradables.

Y finalmente hemos llegado a la conclusión de que masturbarse es excitante. También es un proceso en ocasiones lento y gradual (no hay prisa, ¿no?), nos gusta, nos relaja, aumenta el nivel de endorfinas y ayuda a configurar nuestra autoestima. Si sabemos lo que nos complace, conocemos nuestra propia geografía, lo aceptamos y disponemos de ello a placer ¿no es eso algo tremendamente excitante que hace que nos brillen los ojos y sonriamos de forma traviesa sólo con recordarlo? Pues sí. Y cualquier signo de bienestar interior se refleja externamente en forma de felicidad. ¿Qué puede tener eso de culpabilizador? ¿Qué está bien y qué mal en su práctica a nivel meramente mecánico? No hay reglas, ni horarios, ni trabas ni imposiciones. El límite lo determina la complacencia. Experimentar o no lo marca la necesidad y el gusto del consumidor/a. Una cosa sí que sí. Culpas cero. No es sucio ni  vergonzante, por mucho que reaccionarios, retrógrados o remilgados nos intenten convencer de lo contrario. Porfa, porfa, porfa, no vamos a dejarnos manipular hasta ese punto.

Hemos repetido hasta la saciedad esas palabras: culpa, humillación, sucio. Ninguna de estas ideas es asociable a tal práctica. Ni a una situación de sexo consentido. Erradiquémoslo de una vez. Consideremos la autocomplacencia y la actividad sexual en general como prácticas lúdicas, emocionantes y divertidas. Nos haremos un favor y tal vez poco a poco eliminemos las estupideces en torno a estos ámbitos. Y ya, puestas/os a pedir, ¿qué tal estaría buscar una nueva palabra que la designe? Mas-turbación no sé yo si no resulta un poco castrante. Practicarla no es algo que turbe, más bien al contrario, nos calma o serena. Al menos yo no me siento mal cuando la practico, ni me avergüenza, ni me incomoda. Me lleva más bien al otro extremo ¿y a vosotros/as? Por descontado decir finalmente que esta calmante actividad sobre la que hemos platicado es absolutamente extrapolable a cualquier otro periodo de año. Es más, es un MUST.  I like it.

 

 

 

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