Snob

doge for all: make doges with ease. Wow. [via mefi projects]

As an experiment, Cracked writer Alli Reed composed a fictitious but truly awful online dating profile. Her goal was to to create a persona that was truly despicable and that no one would ever consider dating:

In making this profile, I made sure my creation touched on every major facet of being truly horrible: mean, spoiled, lazy, racist, manipulative, and willfully ignorant, and I threw in a little gold digging just for funzies. I maintain that there is not a human on this planet who would read this profile and think, "Yes, I'd like to spend any amount of the fleeting time I'm given on my journey around the sun getting to know this person." 

As you can see, she put a lot of thought into how truly offensive she could be. Her persona, aaroncarterfan, is despicable. She openly brags of engaging in paternity fraud and harassing homeless people.

But within a day, she received 150 responses from interested men. In their online conversations, she did her best to convey the impression that aaroncarterfan would be the worst possible girlfriend. She was unsuccessful. You can read them here.

¿Que tal unos burritos para cenar con las sobras de la comida? Quizá hicimos carne asada, y sobró poca como para hacer otra comida con ella, o tenemos barbacoa, carnitas, o algo de carne cocida que podemos servir en un burrito delicioso. Con un poco de salsa mexicana o sin ella, se puede comer un rico burrito que nos satisfaga.

¿Qué necesitamos? Bien, primero que nada tortillas de harina, 2 por persona, algo de arroz rojo o a la mexicana, que casi siempre tenemos un poco del día anterior, un par de cucharadas de frijoles de la olla o refritos, unas lazcas de aguacate, salsa mexicana y algo de carne picada.

Primero debemos tener todos los ingredientes a mano, y los que son calientes, deben estar calientes, luego calentamos las tortillas solo a que se suavicen, estas tortillas se queman con facilidad. Ponemos 2 tortillas ligeramente superpuestas y ponemos una cucharada de frijoles si pondremos refritos, o una de arroz, una de carne, una de frijoles y por último, el aguacate y la salsa. Cada ingrediente, se acomoda a lo largo, enrollamos doblando al mismo tiempo las orillas hacia adentro para hacer un “paquete” y que nada se salga, cortamos por mitad, y servimos con más salsa.

Como dije, se hacen con lo que se tenga a mano, con lo que sobre, solo hace falta una cucharada de cada cosa para armar nuestro burrito, pero esta receta es la más generalizada en algunos lugares del norte de México, y como mi esposo vivió en Tijuana, así los comemos en casa, o con machaca.

En Directo al Paladar, les dejo el postre: un delicioso pan de plátano con chocolate, o si prefieren algo ligero: Sopa de coliflor y salsa de almendras y pimiento rojo

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La noticia Burrito estilo libre, el delicioso taco norteño. Receta fue publicada originalmente en Directo al Paladar México por Gaby Tejeda.

by Bradford Evans

Archer creator Adam Reed has a radical departure planned for the upcoming fifth season of the animated FX comedy. In an interview with Uproxx, one of the show's producers, Matt Thompson, reveals that the new season, which debuts January 13th, will find Archer and his ISIS cohorts leaving spying behind to become cocaine dealers in a new city. Here's how Thompson explained the big change:

That came about frankly because Adam got bored. He is the sole writer of the show and he felt like he was spinning his wheels at some point … You’re going to see in the very first episode of this season that all these years that Malory’s in control of ISIS, and they’ve been doing all these covert operations — kind of like the CIA or whatever — that that was never legal. She was just contracting out this stuff, kind of like Black Water or whatever, and in the first episode of the season the government comes in and shuts them down, throws them all in jail.

Check out more of Matt Thompson explaining Archer Season 5 changes below:

They eventually get out of jail but it’s with the understanding that they can never go back to ISIS headquarters. That’s been confiscated. They can never be spies again … At the very end of episode one, they realize from their various operations — for whatever reason — they have one ton of cocaine and they decide that they’re going to sell it. They’re just going to sell a ton of cocaine and everybody’s going to become a multi-millionaire and retire … As you might expect, they are not so successful at selling one ton of cocaine. We end up for a large part of the time in Colombia, then a fictional nation, then another fictional nation in Latin America, just trying to sell cocaine to people …

Cheryl needed a different motivation than everybody else. Cheryl’s rich as shit … What Adam came up with is he wants to turn her into a country music star. So she is now “Cherlene.” She’s on the road. She’s doing country songs, and we’re actually putting out a country album with the show this year. Not a joke. A country album… [The] relationships all still exist how they were, but it’s just now all geared towards either A) Selling Coke or B) Making Cheryl Famous.

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by Bradford Evans

Patton Oswalt's new standup special, Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time, premieres on cable network Epix January 17th, and here's the first clip from it in which Oswalt rags on the state of Florida.

Check out the forwards and backwards promos for the special below:

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Photo by Coco Capitan, graphic work by Sam Taylor

This is an article about having better sex in 2014. To take you to new erotic heights, I was going to give you some practical sex advice: don’t fuck two participants in a threesome with the same condom on, a guy will almost always love it if you sit on his face, ladies don’t like cum in their hair, etc. But, to be honest, practical tips turn sex into a bizarre shopping list: If you didn't like Tip #2: "Draw a sexy bull's-eye around your nipple with rhinestones and eyelash glue” (an actual Cosmo tip), then try Tip #9: "Gently stick his penis through the hole of a glazed donut" (another REAL TIP). These tips are impractical. There is really only one tip I can give you: use your mouth.

For talking, guys. For talking. I talked to a bunch of normal people I know and asked them what happened with their dicks, pussies, and asses in 2013 and what they're going to do to make it better in 2014.

Pat, 30, is a regular human who had a good sex year: “Sex for me this year was all about learning to have sex consistently with one partner. Previously I was more of a casual sex/fuckbuddy person, but now that I have a girlfriend I had to get used to the idea of having monogamous sex with the same woman, all the time. Partner sex is less about getting drunk enough to do crazy shit and more about looking each other in the eyes and soberly telling each other what you want. In 2014 I think that trust will serve to help us explore even further our desires and sexual proclivities in a way that neither of us have had the opportunity to in the past. And by that I mean butt stuff.”

Pat also agrees with Dan Savage that queer sex is the best sex—that it’s generally more frequent and of a higher quality—because, duh, communication. “Lesbians know things, like how bullshit the concept of virginity is, and the false idea that tightness is something that one values and loses over time with use, that penetration is only necessary for short periods and oral and digital manipulation are way more important.”

LESSON: You don’t need to be gay to queer your sex life.

Amy, 26, works in television production and spent part of 2013 on a weeklong vacation in Jamaica with a professional gambler she met over Tinder. She bought both their tickets and treated her Tinder delight to a sex vacation she described as “safeventurous.” She made him send her a picture of his driver’s license “in case he should murder me,” but otherwise says it was “one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. Men take women on vacations for sex all the time. Women should do it more often. He made me come like 15 times under the Jamaican moonlight, so fuck you.”

LESSON: There are wealthy women on Tinder who want to take you to a tropical sex paradise. Find them.

Obviously not everyone’s year was a 24/7 fuckstravaganza. For every Tinder sex vacation there were a dozen friends texting me things like: “I think my vagina is going to seal itself closed. June Brown gets more action than I do,” and “RIP my dick, we hardly knew ye.” According to James, a 22-year-old student, “Something’s not been right this year. It’s been terrible. I went months without getting laid and by the time I got a girl back to my apartment I was so nervous it just… didn’t happen.”

LESSON: Sometimes sex just doesn’t happen. Not much of a lesson, but definitely a fact.

Sarah, 24, was peed on by a guy she later discovered had a girlfriend. Michael, 21, attended an actual masked orgy. And I discovered this new kind of porn that is just like, muscular women wrestling each other and they have sex at the end. Which is great.

LESSON: Everyone’s weird. Admit it, you’re weird.

A common trend among people actually getting some was a desire for sexual openness. The communication thing everyone (read: me, right now) is so into continued right into the bedroom, and then out of the bedroom and into someone else’s bedroom. Craig, 27, gave up on a long-term relationship and did a bit of classic field-playing, having a lot of sex with different partners, which he described as “nice.”

“I tried to be honest about my desire to not get serious with anyone, but sometimes stuff like that just emerges and sometimes it ends up painful on both sides of the equation, which was my biggest regret," he explained. "In 2014 I want to give an open relationship a shot, and am kind of already doing it, but it's totally theoretical right now because we're still really into boning each other. God-willing one day this year I'll wake up and be the guy with two dicks. His life sounds perfect.”

LESSON: Grow two dicks, maybe? Just kidding, be honest about your sexpectations up front to save everyone a lot of trouble down the road.

Tom, 28, isn’t looking for two dicks but decided that in the new year, one might be nice. He previously identified as straight and poly, but “in 2014 I’m going to change my OkCupid profile to bisexual. I've always been attracted to women more than men, but keep making out with dudes at parties and should make the serious step. I feel intimidated at being in my late twenties but feeling like a gawky teenager. I also started seeing a trangendered lady who is having surgery mid-summer. We have only had hot makeouts so far. This is exciting territory to explore. (She's not JUST exciting because of that).”

LESSON: A stupid risk is unprotected sex with a guy wearing a bucket hat. A smart one is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and pursuing your sexual interests, however surprised by them you may be.

So, how to have better sex in 2014? Talk more about it. And I don't mean talk more about whether or not Robin Thicke's new single is misogynist because it's literally just the sound of someone throwing some jelly at some tits, or whether or not you can be a feminist and still duet with R. Kelly, but talk more about the kind of sex you want to have, with the people you are having it with. With the internet spewing out word-garbage faster than your mom's friend Deb can share it with her 30 friends on Facebook, we're going to be surrounded by stupid social sex think-pieces (including mine) until we're in our Instagraves. Instead of wasting time wondering whether or not Beyonce's slutshaming you, just figure out what'll make you happy.

Actually, you want to make ONE SINGLE CHANGE for better sex in 2014? Stop feeling ashamed of yourself, and don’t cause shame in others. Think how unselfconscious a boner is. It’s aroused, and there’s nothing wrong with that, and it’s going to let you know it. This year, be a boner.*

(*Don’t do anything dumb like exposing yourself on a bus. Be a metaphorical boner.)

Follow Monica on Twitter: @monicaheisey

Photo by Chloe Orefice, graphic work by Sam Taylor

Hi folks, enjoying January? Of course you are, who doesn’t enjoy this time of year, a whole calendar month where you’re expected to replace your social life with an urge to Take A Long, Hard Look At Yourself™? As well you should.

The problem with you, you see, is that like much of your generation, you're treading water: trapped in an endless adolescence of drinking your wages, ignoring the future, and being a dick. And now your bank account looks like Dresden. Blame austerity if you like, blame the baby boomers for sucking up all the cash and turning it into golf courses, blame bankers, blame oligarchs, blame your mom, blame God, blame Dawkins, blame whoever, eventually you’re gonna have to sort your financial situation out yourself or you’ll be dead in a gutter by 45.

Broadly speaking, borrowing culture is considered to have been a major factor in the Global Financial Crisis of 2008, and less broadly speaking—that is to say, specifically regarding you—you're spending too much and not making enough, and moving forward, those are both things you should be aiming to do less of. Let's look at ways to improve your financial situation/fiscal responsibility issues in 2014.

Get Scared About the Future
GG Allin and Kurt Cobain lived fast and died young. But had they lived, GG would've done serious time for all the fucked up shit he did and Kurt Cobain would've made a duff record somewhere down the line and we’d probably all have turned on him. What I’m saying is unless you want to die (you don’t), life has consequences. We're not going to be young and beautiful forever, and getting ready for those times is something we're going to have to do, because if you're totally realistic and pragmatic about it, your band's not going to happen. Steve Albini explained why in his essay The Problem with Music all the way back in the early 90s, before anyone even knew what an illegal download was. 

What are you going to do instead? Um, I don't know... Get a job like your grandparents did? Learn a trade or get some professional qualifications, bone up on financial products, and get your shit together (more on all this later), so that your kids don't suffer for your youthful indiscretions? Slater in Dazed and Confused is a cool guy, but if he were real he'd be a 55-year-old deadbeat dad with a drinking problem now. Don't let that happen to you.

Drink Less
Before you get all job-search-y, let's get the ball rolling with stuff you can't weasel out of with excuses about resume-formatting dilemmas—stuff like drinking. Drinking a lot is like toppling money dominos: I'm not going to patronize you by doing the math, but beers, then food, then a cab to a secondary party location, then coke, then a cab home, then takeaway all the next day because you feel so shitty, then buying all your essentials from the expensive cornershop because you couldn't get it together to do it over the weekend, then etc, etc. You get me?

The funny thing about drinking is that it's not actually compulsory, and reining it in won't make you a social pariah or a dork (as long as you don't harp on about it like a self-righteous prick; vegans and new mothers take note). You can just skip a round or even skip a whole evening (weeknight drinking is a real career killer, you should get a hold on that before your boss realizes you're an unproductive empty husk every Friday). If you can't bear to be around your friends without shoving stuff in your mouth, you can go for a meal or something.

Buying Records Is an Exercise in Showing Off
The mask has slipped guys, the rest of us are onto how your "hobby" is really just a wilfully snobby pissing contest over who is the most super seriously into music and that there's almost no discernible difference when you play either vinyl or a decent quality MP3 through normal, bedroom-sized speakers. If you're spending 100 bucks a month on vinyl and you're still living like a student at 27, you're a fucking idiot. Argue about that statement in the comments section from your grubby rooms while we play Bushwick Bill via Spotify Premium on our laptop speakers in a crowded hotel room in Amsterdam on a super-fun mini-break we paid for by not spending all our money on making sure the people on Discogs.com thought we were 4real. (PS: Buying things is your hobby? Guys... get a real hobby!)

Photo author's own

Learn to Look at Your Bank Account
Nothing good ever came of not being sure how much money you have in your current account. Also, the kind of people who don't know tend to also be the kind of people who wilfully overestimate its contents. If you're one of those dopey optimists, you know full well that you're living in a world of unpaid rent, embarrassing cash request texts to family members, dodging people you owe money to, and at least three cancelled eBay accounts. I used to be that guy, and I know it's not a sustainable way of living. You need to be forced to look at your balance at least once a week so that you can prevent wild overspending. I know from experience that if you ask them to, you can get text alerts to prevent you from overspending. It'll change your life, I promise you.

Also, nothing says: “I'm a douchebag who can't manage my own life” like not having internet banking in 2014. Are you struggling to change your sheets more than twice a year, too? C'man buddy, get it together.

Quit Smoking, You Idiot
Smoking was super-cool when we were 16, but then so was a lot of stupid things that we've managed to leave behind. Now you're just spending $8 a day to annoy the non-smokers you're at a bar with by abandoning them every 20 minutes to stand on your own in the cold, so what's the point? At least junkies are getting high and eating ice cream (and, it should be noted, they're pretty resourceful when it comes to getting cash together). Smokers get none of that fun stuff, and they end up dying too. Have you seen this video? Jesus Christ.

In a hundred years, smoking is going to look as primitive and pointless as witch burning. Let's try to knock that shit on the head.

No One Ever Got Laid Because of a Pair of New Shoes
Can we all agree that boys like sneakers because they remind them of the colorful, chunky plastic toys of their childhood and girls like heels because they remind them of vaginas? Or maybe that's why they like bags, no one knows. Either way, we know for sure that no one of the opposite sex is remotely impressed by your fancy shoes, so maybe that's something you should get over?

I'm talking about shoes and sex but this could refer to any product that you've fetishised and collected over the years but now have no idea why. Most of that stuff will be rendered pointless as soon as you do anything like start a family, and if you're going to pretend that you see these things as an investment, you'd do better to save up that sneaker money and spend a few hundred bucks on fine wines, because rich Chinese show-offs care more about Henri Jayer Richebourg Grand Cru than DQM Air Max 90s. Another advantage to buying fine wines is that you would decrease your pathetic fucking manchild/annoying fucking princess vibes that the whole "shoe thing" gives off by 10,000 percent—which is great, because manchildren and princesses are the worst. Learn about wine-buying stuff here.

Photo by Jamie Taete

Stop Pretending You're Going to go to the Gym
I know it's the New Year and everything, and you're definitely going to start going loads once you've recovered from NYE or whatever, but $45 a month for 20 minutes on a treadmill and a ton of woulda-couldas is one of the reasons the terrorists hate us. Besides, what do you need the gym for? If you're not trying to get swole and cut (which is kind of like the shoe thing: no one cares), then do your running outside, get some weights from Target and get some basic tips from those buff gents at Men's Fitness (who are presumably the only lifestyle journalists who have ever been on the administering end of a wedgie).

Start a Business
If you're not a doctor, a hedge fund guy, or a rich brat to begin with, the only way you're going to end up cash rich is if you do your own damn thing. You needn't quit your day job immediately or anything like that, just get your shit bubbling under in your own time, that way you can get going without worrying about borrowing money or filling out forms until you know it's for you. Look, you hate your day job, all you get out of it is enough money to fund your habit of being a human chemical toilet for two nights a week, and don’t you want more from life than that?

I spoke to my pals at Vagabond, a London tattoo parlor that is only about 18 months old but already winning awards and fucking its projected profit margins up the arse (or something). They had this to say about starting your own thing:

"Take a risk, but have a backup plan for if it doesn't work out. If you're secure in a job but want to go solo, try testing your product/service any way you can in your spare time before making commitments. Do as much research as you can, especially into the boring stuff such as licensing, leases, insurance, etc, that way there's no nasty surprises further down the line. If you're going into business with someone else, make sure you can 100 percent trust them and they are equally committed to sharing the workload. Be aware that if you're young some people out there will take advantage of your inexperience, be prepared to stand your ground and don't let agents, councils, or solicitors mistreat you!"

Get Into the Habit of Saving
This is kind of what we've been leading to. If "the man" gets his way we're all going to be working til we're 70 unless we start being smart about money shit. I don't know about you, but I hate getting up before noon and I want to stop doing that as soon as I possibly can. A fun way to get to that point is to put aside some money each month, like what actual grownups and the people from your hometown who didn't go to college have been doing for years.

You should save regularly (aim for 5 percent of your income every month to go into some kind of account you can't easily get it out of) to build a credit rating so that when a mortgage lender checks up on you when you try to buy a house (AKA the most important thing to own), they can see you're not a totally irresponsible moron. This whole thing is about planning for the future and unless you’re 15 and still into GG, that’s something you probably want to have. Even just clicking here is a decent start.

Learn Code
Finally, a little heads up as to where the guaranteed cash is at right now. You know how no one really understands computers and yet they're pretty much the center of everything we do? Well, turns out that because when we were kids computers were for sociopaths and shut-ins, no one except those guys bothered to learn the computer languages with which apps and webpages were built, so those guys are in high demand and raking in the cash they need to fund their extended LARPing weekends and subscriptions to asian porn sites (lol jk, sorry Anonymous, please don't hack me). Now app devs are clearing an average of $70k a year; web developers enjoying an average day rate of $375.

Happily, it's not too late to jump on that dorky gravy train. This Guardian article from October outlines a ton of places you can go to learn all that stuff, and this is a perfectly reliable article telling you which codes are smart ones to learn moving forward. All this is totally within your reach if you ditch the Gen X slacker bullshit and knuckle down. Just think, with a little determination, hard work, and a huge helping of my advice nuggets, in a few short months you could go from an excellent example of why National Service should be reinstated to an actual functional, contributing, comfortable member of society! Yay! Let's hear it for 2014!

 
I never want to make too many assumptions about our readers or their workplaces, but I think it’s only fair to give y’all a warning: this is a stag film, and therefore probably not appropriate for most office environments.

That being said, you have to see Candy Barr dance. She’s positively hypnotic, with a seemingly instinctual control of her own body. Although her skills were certainly enough to earn her a place in pop culture history, she’s famous for far more than her serpentine shimmy.

“Candy” was born Juanita Dale Slusher in small-town Texas. Her childhood wracked by trauma (the death of her mother at age 9, and sexual abuse from both a neighbor and a babysitter), she ran away at 13 to Dallas. She was married at 14, but the union ended when he went to jail (he was supposedly a safe-cracker).

The next few years of Candy’s life yield conflicting accounts. It’s known that she worked as a cigarette girl, and eventually an exotic dancer, but sources vary on whether she worked as a prostitute or not. She did, however, appear the early “smoker,” Smart Alec at the age of 16. Broke and hungry, Candy (who was still Juanita at the time) made the film under extreme stress and coercion, regretting it for the rest of her life.

Candy’s life should not be reduced to tragedy. Shortly after the release of Smart Alec, she got a well-paying job at a strip club, adopted her moniker, and established her trademark cow-girl routine—complete with cowboy hat and boots, holstered cap six-shooters, and not much else. Though she shot her violent second husband (non-fatally), it was a marijuana possession charge that actually threatened Candy—a fifteen year sentence for four-fifths of an ounce. (Oh, Texas…)

The case dragged on with appeal after appeal, and Candy’s star rose all the while. She went form city to city, made fantastic money, was hired by Fox studios to choreograph Joan Collins for the movie Seven Thieves. She also dated gangster Mickey Cohen. Smitten, Cohen wanted to marry her, and as the appeals of her case began to wind down and the threat of imprisonment loomed closer, he sent Barr and her young daughter to Mexico. Candy, never one to hide, eventually returned to the states and broke it off with Cohen.

Shortly after, she married Jack Sahakian, hairdresser to the stars—the same hairdresser, incidentally, that Cohen arranged to dye her hair so that she could live incognito in Mexico. A few months later, she lost her final appeal and was sentenced to fifteen years. She spent over three years in jail before being paroled. Perhaps agog at the obviously overly punitive sentencing of a “scandalous woman,”  Texas Governor, John Connally, pardoned her in 1968, and she resumed her very successful career.

In 1972, she published, A Gentle Mind . . . Confused. a collection of 56 poems she wrote while in prison, revealing a rich internal monologue and a deft utility of words belying a woman who dropped out of school at thirteen. An excerpt.

“Hate the world that strikes you down,
A warped lesson quickly learned.
Rebellion, a universal sound,
Nobody cares, no one’s concerned.

Fatigued by unyielding strife,
Self-pity consoles the abused,
And the bludgeoning of daily life,
Leaves a gentle mind . . . confused.”

From my perspective (that of a failed ballerina), Candy Barr stands out among her stag film peers, first and foremost, as a natural dancer. I mean, Bettie Page was darling and charismatic, of course, but like a lot of stag film dancers, she was known more for her charms than her craft. After retiring, Barr moved back to the small town of her birth, living comfortably and quietly, choosing not to bank off her cult status. She always said the male attention was never really the thrill for her; she just wanted to dance. 
 

 
The Wall Breakers

Está en Villestro e incluye un piedra con inscripciones y un monolito

• Una cruz patada visigótica, una palabra y una fecha, 1009

Antes do Nadal presentamos na casa dos veciños do barrio da Rocha un libro divulgativo editado polo Concello de Santiago dentro do proxecto de posta en valor do castelo, financiado polo Goberno de España. Eu son dos que pensa que os políticos, os técnicos e os investigadores temos que estar ao servizo da xente, do pobo, e non ao revés. De non ser así, adoitan pasar cousas como a Santa Irmandade de 1466.

Aboga por suprimir la asignación fija de actas por provincias y centrar el ahorro que propugna el PP en la eliminación de las diputaciones y de asesores

Roosevelt financiou o proxecto do enxeñeiro Edward R. Armstrong para bases flotantes entre Nova York e Vigo

Seadromes: O soño de facer de Galicia o aeroporto do mundo en GCiencia.

Raxoi tiene ya el proyecto de demolición y ultima el de urbanización

Richard Pryor moved to New York City in 1963, where he performed regularly in clubs alongside performers such as Bob Dylan and Woody Allen. He even opened for singer and pianist Nina Simone, who talked of his early nervousness, when she put her "arms around him there in the dark and rocked him like a baby until he calmed down." You can see something of that young man in this clip of Pryor singing a bit of jazzy blues in 1966. The performance is also available on YouTube with slightly better quality, but faded in from different scene.

The song is "Nobody Knows When You're Down and Out" by Jimmy Cox, written in 1923. Here's Bessie Smith covering the song in 1929, audio of Janis Joplin performing the song in some live setting, and Eric Clapton doing an acoustic rendition for his MTV Unplugged performance.

For more of the early Pryor, here he is in 1964 as part of a Kraft Music Hall special, and a clip of "little Richie Pryor" in a 1966 appearance on The Merv Griffin Show.

As noted in this post on Open Culture, Pryor gained broader recognition as an actor the 1972 film Lady Sings the Blues, where he was a surly piano man, behind Diana Ross playing Billie Holiday.

The importance of Detroit garage patron saints the Gories as an influential force is paramount, and their legacy continues to grow as trappings from their now-classic records keep turning up in the sounds of generations of their followers.
Key Gories pupil Jack White turned the world on to the band when his White Stripes hit the big time, citing their tragically slim discography as groundwork for the bare-bones garage rock he and Meg laid down in their best moments. It’s fitting, then, that The Shaw Tapes arrives on White’s Third Man Records label, a no-fidelity document of a sparsely attended Gories gig from 1988, capturing the savage electricity of the band in their beginnings. Ahead of their time in many ways, the Gories were a puzzle for many audiences for…

320 kbps | 100 MB | UL | BS | MC ** FLAC

…most of their initial career. Two guitars, no bass, dual vocals from the throaty future Dirtbombs leader Mick Collins and his wiry counterpart Danny Kroha who would go on to the frenetic glory of bands like the Demolition Doll Rods and Danny & the Darleens, all barely held in place by the primitive drumming of Peggy O’ Neil, pounding with an insanity that made Moe Tucker sound like Max Roach. The Shaw Tapes (actually recorded not in Detroit, but in a rented storefront in neighboring city Hamtramck) catches the tumbling ball of incontestable noise the trio puts out over the course of 13 tracks, with originals as well as covers of tunes from John Lee Hooker, the Stooges, and obscure acts from the garage vaults. Gories “hits” like “Thunderbird ESQ” and “I Think I’ve Had It” are delivered with even more unhinged brilliance than their already primordially rough-hewn studio versions, and the stomping medley of “I Just Wanna Make Love to You/Give Me Love” that closes the set mutates the Bo Diddley beat into a sub-caveman explosion, instruments wandering in and out of key and Collins trading hollars of jubilance and destruction with Kroha until its abrupt cessation. Part of what has added to the air of mystery surrounding the Gories is how under-valued they were for most of their initial run in the late ’80s and early ’90s. The sound of the enthusiastic but audibly tiny audience caught here is more evidence of the fact, but also completes the snapshot-like quality of this night in the life of a band who would one day be considered as influential as any of rock’s most original and challenging acts. Released 25 years after it was recorded, this off-hand tape of a band jamming at a local house party reveals some of the unfiltered greatness that so many would recognize as the years burned on. the Gories were the inarguable sound of a scream that happens somewhere between anguish and ecstacy. The Shaw Tapes presents that astonishing scream in its rawest form, and the ripples of inspiration that come forth from it could continue to spread forward for decades to come.

1. Max Headroom

During a three hour span on the evening of November 22, 1987 an unidentified person (or group of people) successfully hacked into two TV station’s broadcasts, playing the video above. Dressed to resemble Max Headroom, the lead character in an eponymous science fiction show he oddly danced around the screen mumbling weird non-sequitor statements.

At one point he mooned the camera while another person said “Bend over bitch” and spanked him.

The creepiest part of the video, to me, is the random jumbled phrases the Max Headroom character says. It’s one thing to devote massive time and energy (and risk going to jail) to send out a message about an issue you care about–but to do that work to act like a schitzo and dance? What’s the point? Not having a motive is the scariest motive of all.

While the case remains unsolved, a reddit user claims he knows who is behind it: a severely autistic man he knew and his brother. A new profile in Vice explores this theory more, but posits that the attack was perpetrated by someone who has a relationship with WGN, since it was the original target (after they weren’t able to break into WGN, they switched to WTTW.

2. The frantic Area 51 caller

Late night talk show favorite, Coast to Coast AM has had some pretty disturbing calls over the years, in part due to longtime show-runner Art Bell’s policy of not screening callers before putting them on the air. I’ve heard people call in claiming to be the antichrist, bigfoot’s assassin, and the devil himself.

This frantic area 51 caller is one of the most memorable of all. The caller sounds disturbed out of his mind, claiming to have just been dismissed from his job at Area 51 and is now seemingly on the run for his life. 6 months later a man called Art Bell again, claiming to be the same man in this call and saying the whole thing was a hoax. But, you know, if it WAS real the government probably tortured him into doing that so his recant doesn’t go very far.

3. Marble Hornets

A bizarre and engrossing YouTube series, as of today there are 80 different videos following an unnamed guy who becomes obsessed with reviewing the tapes his filmmaker friend left behind, and discovering why he stopped suddenly and left town. He sees things in the tape, his friend was being followed and there are odd sound anomalies. Soon the tapes show that the filmmaker was recording his own movements at all times, even recording his own sleep (and hence, unexpected night time visitors).

Set aside a few hours and watch these videos in order (starting with 1) without doing any prior internet research. There’s also a twitter account of the creator of the YouTube series that runs in real time.

4. What happens Yellowstone super volcano blows

This isn’t your typical scary YouTube video because it’s about an actual danger (not “GHOST CAUGHT ON TAPE”) and it’s 45 minutes long. It explains that there’s a super caldera underneath Yellowstone and it’s getting closer to a “super eruption” every day. This video delivers some hard truths about what will happen when the super volcano blows: the lava would shatter the earths surface (explosion would be 10x larger than Mount St. Helens), the ash in the air would block the sun and cause global cooling, followed by a ring of explosions 50 miles wide. Yay.

5. House centipede vs. wolf spider

I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

6. Pedophile grandpa singing ‘Pretty Woman’

Meet Edarem, just a regular creep trying to make it as an internet sensation. Except that he also was previously convicted of molesting a 14-year-old boy and as a registered sex offender, is not allowed to use the internet. When your creeper radar goes off, sometimes it’s good to trust your instincts.

7. Charles Manson – Dianne Sawyer Documentary

Gooooooood. No one brings the creeps like Charles Manson, he’s just SUCH a sociopath. If the unknown is the source of most fears, Manson is so terrifying because he doesn’t seem to act, talk, or think like anyone I’ve ever been familiar with. I have no idea how his brain works, and it frightens me to no end. I’m a true crime fan so I’ve read Helter Skelter and some other stuff on the Tate-Labianca murders and DAMN. It’s not just that he got people to kill a group of people for no reason (and, probably, killed some other people himself), it’s how brainwashed they were about it–taking glee in the killings.

8. Catching a shark while fishing

This video is a group of people fishing in Myrtle Beach. They catch a pretty big fish when all of a sudden a bull shark pops up and devours their catch. Um wow, pretty sure I’d be swimming in those waters if it weren’t raining. Will it ever be safe to go in the water again?

9. I feel fantastic

Spoiler alert: you won’t feel fantastic after watching this. :(

10. Ghost to Ghost AM

Ghost to Ghost is an annual four hour radio show of people calling in and telling their true life accounts of paranormal activities they have experienced. This is this year’s version called Spooky Matter in honor of the host’s move from Coast to Coast AM to his Sirius show, Dark Matter. The host, Art Bell, is incredible at creating great, terrifying radio. I like to listen to old recordings of the show when I have insomnia (just search “Ghost to Ghost AM” on YouTube). It makes being cozy in bed seem a whole lot more desirable. As far as people being masters of their craft go, Art Bell is their leader.

Redditor arc_en_ciel built a ball pit inspired by Randall Munroe's personal ball pit. That's been quite some time ago, and there have been many good times in the pit. But on New Year's Eve, it appears that the party was lagging somewhat, and the partygoers turned to sorting balls by color. Another redditor, Broskander, posted a picture so that everyone will know.

Pogs were a game, a trading card, and a souvenir all rolled into one. They were very popular among kids during the late 1980s and early '90s. But they have a history that goes back much further.

The actual gameplay behind pogs has long been attributed to the classic Japanese game of Menko (above), which has been popular since the Edo Period (between 1603 and 1867) and also centered on players attempting to flip the cards or pieces of their opponent. Much like modern pogs, the original Menko playing pieces were roughly the size of milk caps and featured images of Japanese cultural icons, like wrestlers and warriors. These pieces weren't made out of cardboard or plastic, but shaped from clay, wood, or ceramics (though Menko later included cardboard pieces that are considered the forerunners of trading cards).

But how did pogs become a huge fad in the late 20th century? The rest of the story, including how they came to be called pogs, is at mental_floss.

Ha fallecido Fernando Gramaje Ortega, Musiquito. Entrañable cantante que dedicó su vida a cantar a los niños, aunque la popularidad la alcanzó en aquellos programas que se reían de los artistas más peculiares.

En El Semáforo de Chicho Ibáñez Serrador conoció la popularidad. Desde entonces, siguió apareciendo en multitud de programas. Casi siempre disfrazado de mosca. Desde Día a Día con María Teresa Campos, donde puso a bailar a todos los tertulianos del ‘corrillo,’ hasta Tiempo al Tiempo con Concha Velasco.

Musiquito será recordado siempre cantando aquello de ‘¿dónde está la mosca?: aquí o aquí’ y ejemplifica esa televisión con protagonistas sin ningún complejo ante la cámara y con una audiencia que no sabía si se estaba riendo con ellos… o, directamente, de ellos.

La primera aparición de Pozi en televisión

O Ministerio de Fomento decidiu aprobar o traxecto sur do ferrocarril a Caneliñas que segundo Salvemos A Malata acabará con boa parte da riqueza da ría e transformará "completamente" a súa paisaxe ao construír un viaducto de 340 metros e un tunel de cinco quilómetros.

Nuestro amigo DanyToon se metió una panzada a trabajar para hacer uno de sus sueños realidad: poder VER los juguetes de nuestro podcat mientras los vamos comentando. Si os frustra tener que escuchar el programa sin tener ayuda visual… ¡aquí lo tenéis! Todos los juguetes que no os van a traer los reyes.

Pinche aquí para ver el vídeo

Gracias, DanyToon!

Y recordad que si queréis simplemente escucharlo, lo podéis hacer por aquí:

¡Y no olvidéis contarnos que os traen los reyes!

THE END

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El término liberal es apropiado para aludir al movimiento de intercambio de pareja y otras prácticas relacionadas, así como a sus seguidores, y es preferible al anglicismo swinger.

La palabra liberal es de amplio uso por quienes forman parte de este movimiento o siguen sus prácticas, y este significado ya está recogido en el Diccionario de uso del español, de María Moliner, que la define de la siguiente manera: ‘muy libre en su forma de pensar o actuar; particularmente en lo relativo a las relaciones sexuales’; también se aplica a lo relacionado con ellos, como encuentro liberal o club liberal.

De este modo, en lugar de «Maxwell explica que incluso desde alguna asociación de “swingers”, los que practican el intercambio sexual de parejas, la han felicitado», podía haberse escrito «Maxwell explica que incluso desde alguna asociación liberal, de quienes practican el intercambio sexual de parejas, la han felicitado».

De usarse la palabra swinger, lo apropiado es escribirla en cursiva, por ser una voz inglesa no adaptada al español, o entre comillas si no se dispone de este tipo de letra, y para aclarar a qué se refiere puede emplearse la expresión intercambio de pareja (o de parejas), pues es su faceta más conocida (aunque no la única), como por ejemplo en «La empresa se especializa en organizar fiestas de swingers (de intercambio de pareja) para ricos europeos»; en este caso, también se podría haber escrito «organizar fiestas liberales».

In this series of ISIS orientation films, Dr. Krieger will be answering frequently asked questions from new team members. Season five of Archer premieres Monday, January 13th on FX.

Conflict Resolution
Got beef with a co-worker? Pam provides advice on why beef is probably the wrong word to use.

Drug Policy
Is the ISIS drug policy strict? Strictly awesome.

Ninjas
On the latest ISIS instructional video, Lana helps demonstrate the proper way to handle a pesky ninja infestation.

Who Is That Lady?
Dr. Krieger prepares recruits on how to handle ISIS's most terrifying weapon: Malory Archer.

Gun Safety
Archer demonstrates the proper and safe way to handle a gun. Emphasis on proper and safe.

Office Supplies
QUIZ: Guns, bombs, or paper clips. Which are ISIS's most guarded assets?

Archer previously: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Portrait by David Titlow

Official UK government documents have just been released regarding one of the best things ever done by the only real punk band ever, Crass.

Basically, in 1982, when the rest of punk had started playing sax, Crass made this piece of subversive décollage, splicing together recordings of Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan to create a fake phone call between the conservative übermenschen.

Here's Crass founder Penny Rimbaud explaining the whole story to VICE back in 2004:

–

"We wanted to come up with something which might get rid of Thatcher. It was just after the Falklands charade, when she was about to get re-elected. We were told something we knew could seriously dent the Thatcher Empire. Allegedly, the Navy had allowed HMS Sheffield to be blown out of the water by not informing them that an incoming Exocet missile had been picked up on the radar. The other three boats in the grouping were informed and took defensive action. Why? Because one of the ships was the Invincible and on board was Prince Andrew. Given that the information was classified, we decided the only way to make it public was to fake a telephone conversation between Thatcher and Reagan.

"We edited bits and pieces from speeches made by the two of them, creating a conversation which included all the details of the Sheffield. We then sent out tapes to all the major European newspapers, but nothing happened. Thatcher was re-elected, but then, six months down the line, the US State Department announced that they were in possession of KGB tapes 'produced to destroy democracy as we know it.'

"It soon became obvious that it was our tape they were talking about. It was frightening. A bunch of anarchist jokers sparking off a world war? Anyway, the same KGB story eventually broke in the British press and it wasn't long before the Observer got in touch with us, asking whether we knew anything about the tapes. It was unbelievable. The whole operation had been carried out in absolute secrecy, but somehow or other they'd managed to pin it onto us. After a gruelling day of negotiations, we agreed to admit responsibility if they would print the Sheffield details in their article, which, true to their word, they did.

"We did our best to expose the story but even now it's an issue which has never really been given full and proper investigation."

–

The official documents that were released aren't not wildly revelatory, but they do prove that Margaret Thatcher spent at least a small part of 1983 reading about Crass—something she has in common with most of the 45-year-old punks you see throwing their cider cans at Pret a Manger in Kentish Town. [American editor's note to other Americans: We don't know what this means either but we're assured it makes sense. Just go with it.]

You can read the rest of the papers here.

Anyway, as funny as it is to nearly start WWIII, it's arguably not the finest Situationist dump Crass have ever taken on society. That would have to be the time they gave away a version of a song from their album Penis Envy with a teen girl magazine called Loving. Here's Penny Rimbaud explaining that story:

"We were recording an album called Penis Envy, the last track of which was 'Lipstick On Your Penis' based on the old standard 'Lipstick On Your Collar.' Penis Envy was fronted by the women of the band, it was a very feminist album and 'Lipstick' was about the institution of marriage being little more than prostitution. Having recorded that track, we realized it would almost certainly lead to a copyright prosecution, so we decided to completely rewrite the lyrics. What we ended up with was so convincingly schmaltzy that we had the idea of trying to sell it to a teenage romance magazine called Loving. It was one of those magazines which feeds lies to young girls, sets them up with ludicrously impossible fantasies which they can't follow, won't follow, and don't follow. Magazines like that just create heartache, they remove young people from themselves, set them up to be knocked down.

"Anyway, we called in at Loving's IPC offices as Creative Recordings and Sound Services (CRASS) and said, 'We've just made this recording and think it would be suitable for your publication.' They jumped at it, saying, 'It's great, fantastic. We're about to do a special brides [bribes] issue. How about us doing it as a free flexi?' Which is precisely what it became. They advertised it as 'Our Wedding'—an 'absolute must for your wedding day.'

"They'd bought it hook, line, and stinker, but the lyrics were frightful, banal shit about the social fantasy of marriage, you know, things like never looking at other girls or guys once you've fallen for it. It was total rubbish, but they happily gave it away with their magazine. Now, what kind of loving is that? Shortly afterwards a friend in Fleet Street exposed the scam and the Star printed the glorious headline 'Band of Hate's Loving Message.' I think there were a few sackings at Loving magazine."

 

Saga - Sex, Robots & Rockets, The Birth of a Sci-Fi Epic

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Desde que abrí este blog (atentos, que este año hay décimo aniversario) una de las primeras entradas del año la he dedicado a divulgar el premio Sark de Oro al mejor libro del anterior. Este año incluye dos novedades que lo diferencian de los anteriores. Por un lado, que Jónatan Sark se ha convertido en presencia editorial gracias a las Epístolas Librescas que cada dos meses me escribe para recorrer las novedades de nuestro pantagruélico mercado editorial. Por otro, que recientemente ha abierto su propio espacio (anda que ha tardado): El receptor. Allí les dirijo para que disfruten de su repaso a la industria y a los cuatro títulos que ha seleccionado: Los Sark de Oro 2013.  

Let us know if you have any interesting and attainable new year’s resolutions here.