Snob

Ten animals that went extinct in 2013, including the western black rhinoceros.

Poor President Francois Hollande, he’s beloved by the citizens of France and yet can’t seem to get a handshake from anyone else he meets!

He’s always left hanging when he reaches out to take the hand of an esteemed leader or high profile figure, and his handshaking skills are so bad they’re going to name a form of solitary greeting after him, called the Hollande Handshake, which will consist of people waiting awkwardly for a few minutes before shaking their own hand.

It’s unclear whether it’s simply a matter of timing that makes Francois look the fool whenever he goes to shake someone’s hand, or if his hands are so clammy that nobody wants to touch them, but one thing’s for certain-his handshake failures make for hilarious photo ops!

Via 22 Words

El rojo es el color típico de la Coca-Cola, pero en países como Argentina y Chile la etiqueta de la Coca-Cola ahora es verde y es endulzada con una combinación de Stevia y azúcar. El nuevo producto, que salió al mercado en esos países en junio del 2013, se llama Coca-Cola Life y se pronostica que saldrá a la venta en Estados Unidos en el 2014. Todavía no existe una fecha para su introducción al mercado mexicano.

La Stevia es un endulzante natural 200 a 300 veces más dulce que el azúcar pero con un contenido calórico 50 por ciento menor que la azúcar tradicional. La Stevia es una planta perteneciente al género de las fanerógamas. Es una especie nativa de Sudamérica, aunque también es posible encontrarla en Centroamérica y México.

La Coca-Cola Life, no forma parte de los refrescos dietéticos como la Coca Cola Light o la Coca Cola Zero. La Coca-Cola Life se fabrica con una mezcla de azúcar y Stevia en lugar del endulzante aspartame. Pero no es una bebida sin calorías, eso sí, contiene una cantidad mucho menor de calorías que una Coca-Cola normal. Una botella de 200 mililitros contiene 36 calorías, comparada con las 84 calorías de una Coca-Cola tradicional.

Algunos opinan que es una estrategia de marketing de la compañía por la creciente preocupación por el consumo de aspartame, producto químico que generalmente se añade a los productos dietéticos para endulzarlos. Mientras que otros opinan que es una estrategia para calmar las reacciones obtenidas por el escándalo de la Mexicoke.

Vía | Food News Latam | NY Post |

Imágenes | El Poder de las Ideas

En Directo al Paladar México | Mexicoke. El culto americano a la Coca-Cola mexicana
En Directo al Paladar México | Pagar por un vaso de agua en un restaurante, ya no más en el Distrito Federal

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La noticia La Coca-Cola ahora es verde y es endulzada con Stevia fue publicada originalmente en Directo al Paladar México por Sweet Cannela.

 
I’ve never understood how people can listen to “New Country” (or “Nu Country,” if you’re an idiot) and like it. It’s utter crap, IMHO. It simply doesn’t speak to me in any way. The entire genre is unlistenable, goofy dreck. Do people spend money on this???

The video, below, beautifully sums up what’s emphatically wrong with today’s country artists: They suck.

Waylon Jennings is hatin’ on you from the afterlife, Blake Shelton and friends! You’ve got a lot to answer for.
 

“No sé bien cómo pero algunos compañeros de clase se han enterado de que la hermana mayor de Pablo y yo nos tocamos de manera oficial y eso me rodea de un aura de respetabilidad de la que no he disfrutado nunca. Es importante el contexto: mi colegio es de curas y sólo para chicos. Y de pronto todos esos muchachotes, con quienes mi única relación social consistía en esquivar sus balonazos mientras leía tebeos de superhéroes en un rincón del patio, van y ahora me saludan, me sonríen, me llaman por mi nombre, me invitan a fumar en aquel urinario propio de Treblinka, a las puertas del infierno.”

- Mentiré si es necesario. Daniel Ausente. 2013.

As we move deeper into the digital age, many of the little things we once knew and cherished are becoming obsolete. There’s next to nothing you can’t do with an iPhone, and uses for board games and nice watches and printed photos will soon become a thing of the past, if they aren’t already. These are the things we should always keep in our lives, no matter how old fashioned they will eventually become. 

1. Printed photos.

Because scrolling through a feed just isn’t the same as flipping through an album, and everyone should have some beautiful ass picture frames in their home.  It’s great to have digital backups, but the printed photo is something that should never become obsolete.

2. Games that aren’t played digitally.

God bless Cards Against Humanity, and may there never come a day when we don’t play it together and in person. There’s a time and place to lull yourself into mindless oblivion on your iPad. That time is not while in the company of people you care about.

3. Journals.

There’s a certain beauty to a leather-bound notebook that makes everything you write in it seem just a little more important. Obviously typing is convenient, easy and necessary but there’s still just something that seems so earnest about writing in a really nice notebook.

4. Notecards for to do lists and letters.

I know simple things like these are easily digitized, but having someone take the time to write to you just seems so much more thoughtful. Also, I never remember to look at the list of things I need while shopping if not written on a piece of paper in front of my face.

5. Subscriptions to things to read in print.

Yes, yes, I know, it’s ironic for me to say this, but being able to flip through the glossy pages that arrive at your home to surprise you once a month in all their advertorial glory is one of the most underestimated little joys in life.

6. Clocks and watches.

We don’t have to integrate every second of the day with technology, and sometimes it’s important that we aren’t tempted to be distracted by whatever update we find on our screen when someone asks us what time it is. Not to mention the right watch can look flossy as hell.

7. A camera that’s not on your phone.

Though I’ll admit iPhone camera quality has really gotten next level, there’s still something that’s unprecedented about a legitimate, high quality camera, especially if you’re traveling or are taking photos you’re going to want to keep for good.

8. Keeping each other’s phone numbers on hand.

How crazy is it that most of us probably don’t even know our best friend’s phone number, because we’ve simply never had to dial it by hand? A sticky pickle indeed, the day you’re in a bind and have to call them off a phone that’s not your own.

9. Owning a hard copy of a map.

Don’t be the person who’s stranded and screwed when your phone gives out.

10. Things that are hand made or made locally.

It’s probably unrealistic to buy every single thing from a local craftsperson or market owner, but generally speaking, the rabbit hole of big business consumption is infinitely tempting, though does not always deliver the highest quality or uniqueness.  

Tras el parto harto difícil que fue la primera entrada publicada ayer de la selección de Fancueva sobre lo mejor que el 2013 ha visto en el mundo del cómic, pasamos hoy a esta segunda parte que se centrará en lo que el tebeo europeo ha dado de sí en los últimos 365 días. Un año que, en términos generales, ha vuelto a ofrecer un rosario inmenso de posibilidades al amante de lo que se produce allende nuestras fronteras, con multitud de propuestas que han llenado horas y horas de lectura, llegando la cifra de lectura total personal a los cerca de 200 tomos (un montante que incluye tanto lo no español como lo publicado únicamente en nuestro país). Extraer 10 no ha sido tarea sencilla, pero aquí van, de nuevo, en orden alfabético:

1. Aama vol.3

Ya dije de ella con ocasión del especial que dediqué a Frederik Peeters cuando aún éramos Zona Fándom que, si nada lo evitaba, iba camino de convertirse en el mejor título que ha salido de la fértil imaginación del autor suizo. Y esta tercera entrega (de la que pronto publicaremos una reseña más amplia) sólo hace certificar lo poco que me equivocaba en tales afirmaciones. Muy grande.

2. El Cuentacuentos/¿Quién le zurcía los calcetines al rey de Prusia mientras estaba en la guerra?

Zidrou se está convirtiendo a golpe de genio en uno de esos guionistas a los que hay que seguir sí o sí, publique lo que publique. De los tres títulos que Norma ha aireado a lo largo del año con la autoría del escritor, nos quedamos con dos. Del primero ya hablamos en su momento, del segundo lo haremos en breve pero ya adelanto que, en conjunción con los maravillosos dibujos de Roger, es una lectura de esas que te agarra el corazón y lo estruja con fuerza..

3. Érase una vez en Francia

Poco o nada que añadir a las dos entradas (aquí y aquí) que le he dedicado a la que considero la MEJOR OBRA EUROPEA del AÑO. Una maravilla de principio a fin de un equipo creativo del que espero volver a leer algo cuanto antes, mejor.

4. Los cuentos de la era de la cobra

Alternando su ‘Brigada’ un proyecto de crowdfunding que actualmente busca inversores para la segunda parte, con otros proyectos, Enrique Fernández no para. Y nosotros encantados de que así sea si lo que nos trae son propuestas tan maravillosas como los dos álbumes que componen estos ‘Cuentos de la era de la cobra’, una historia que hereda la mejor tradición de ‘Las 1001 noches’ y cuyo asombroso dibujo y tratamiento del color vuelve a servir para hablar de las inmensas capacidades narrativas del autor español.

5. Magasin General

Con siete volúmenes a sus espaldas y ni una sola muestra de cansancio, la lectura de ‘Magasin général’ se ha convertido en una cita anual ineludible del tebeo francobelga. El trabajo de Jean-Louis Tripp y Regis Loisel es de esos cuyo candor y cercanía provoca que termines sintiendo a los personajes que lo protagonizan como parte de la familia. Algo muy difícil de conseguir que el tándem logra con una facilidad pasmosa. Y si eso no habla de la grandeza de la serie, no sé qué puede hacerlo.

6. Marzi 1989

Lo he dicho en alguna que otra ocasión, pero no está demás repetirlo: la colección Nómadas de Norma es, en términos generales (que alguna excepción hay) motivo de alegría constante para el aficionado al noveno arte. Con varias muestras a lo largo de este año que cabría haber destacado en este Top10, nos quedamos con la segunda entrega de las vivencias de Marzena Sowa en la Polonia de los años 80. Un relato intenso y con una pátina visual preciosa cuya lectura debería ser parada imprescindible para cualquiera.

7. Millenium vol.1

No quiero extenderme mucho aquí por cuanto en pocos días podréis leer la reseña que le he preparado a esta soberbia adaptación del primer volumen de la trilogía de Stieg Larsson que han llevado a cabo Sylvain Runberg y José Homs. Os insto pues tanto a leerla cuando corresponda como a salir corriendo a vuestra librería especializada más cercana para haceros con una copia. No os arrepentiréis.

8. Myetzko/Ogoniok

Lo decía en su reseña: con un arranque espectacular como el que supone la publicación de este maravilloso álbum de Sergio Toppi, sólo se le pueden augurar grandes cosas al futuro de Ninth Comics. Que así sea y que nosotros podamos verlo.

9. Paul en Quebec

Sencillo, cálido y cercano son tres de los adjetivos que se le podrían aplicar sin paliativos al trabajo que Michel Rabagliati está realizando con esta serie protagonizada por ese alter ego suyo que es Paul. Una propuesta con la que el autor se va superando a cada nueva entrega y de la que esperamos ansiosos un nuevo volumen de cara a este 2014.

10. La peor banda del mundo

Y terminamos este Top10 de lo que el tebeo europeo ha ofrecido el pasado 2013 mirando a nuestro otro país vecino de la mano de Jose Carlos Fernandes y ese análisis cínico de la realidad que nos ha tocado vivir que el luso enhebra en una obra magistral de inmensas cualidades y una capacidad única para seguir sorprendiendo en cada nueva relectura.

1. Is there a difference in how vaginas feel?

Yes.

They all feel different. The fit (does it suction? does it grip? does it feel like you’re forcing it in? does it feel like there aren’t any sides?), the angle of entry (some women’s vaginal canal is higher on the front of the pelvis, while others are further back toward the anus; this can dramatically effect whether a sexual position feels good too), the texture (slick/slippery, velvety, almost rubbery), the temperature (some feel like they’re burning up with fever when turned on, others have trouble staying warm especially in the air of a cold room; just like your hands or feet, circulation is a concern), whether the opening squeezes or hangs loose, whether the flesh throbs from blood pressure, whether the muscles try to force you out especially during orgasm, etc. Then there is just overall size–size is sometimes but not always relative, for both genders. Getting the right fit is difficult at times.
But as with all such things, these characteristics can’t exactly be rated. It’s highly dependent on what sensation the man likes; some like squeezing, others yielding; plus what they’re comfortable with.

2. Guys: do dicks float in water?

Yes.

A little? They’re not notably buoyant, but they don’t sink either. It’d probably be more accurate to say that they drift with the current.

3. Guys, when you cum where do you feel it? Dick, balls, taint, all of it? Besides the obvious, what’s all going on down there?

A lot.

You feel it travelin’ down your tubes, it squirts out in waves, and it’s all over after about 5 – 10 seconds.

4. Have you masturbated, at least once, to all of your female friends?

Not in the way you think.

It depends on how you define “masturbated to.”

Do they cross my mind a bit while I’m masturbating? Yes. Have I devoted an entire session to each and everyone one of my female friends? No.

5. If you’re having sex with a girl doggy style, can you see every bit of the anus and what’s on it? Always wondered what the view was like…

Yup.

Oh ho ho ho hooooo.

I have a story.

Ex girlfriend. First time we’re having sex from behind, she had an impeccable ass, so I’m pretty excited. Then as we start getting down to it, I look down to see a tiny sliver of a nugget of poop clinging to her otherwise perfect asshole. I never told her. I just couldn’t.

6. Are guys generally aware of how visible the outline of their penis is when wearing sweatpants/basketball shorts or just not give a fuck? This is a pressing issue.

No.

I generally don’t think about it. Is it really that noticeable?

7. Are guys grossed out by queefs, indifferent or is it just funny?

Indifferent.

The first one is amusing. Then I stop noticing.

8. Does gagging during a blow job turn you off?

No. (Producer’s note: duh.)

It’s sexy and a turn on. It shows effort and enthusiasm.

"A Canticle for Leibowitz is a post-apocalyptic science fiction novel by American writer Walter M. Miller, Jr., first published in 1960. Based on three short stories Miller contributed to The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, it is the only novel published by the author during his lifetime. Considered one of the classics of science fiction, it has never been out of print and has seen over 25 reprints and editions. Appealing to mainstream and genre critics and readers alike, it won the 1961 Hugo Award for best science fiction novel. ... This 15 part serial is based on the novel by Walter M. Miller, Jr. published in 1959. The story had previously been published as a series of novellas in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science. The book won the Hugo award winner for best science fiction novels of all time."

"Set in a Roman Catholic monastery in the desert of the southwestern United States after a devastating nuclear war, the story spans thousands of years as civilization rebuilds itself. The monks of the Albertian Order of Leibowitz take up the mission of preserving the surviving remnants of man's scientific knowledge until the day the outside world is again ready for it.

Inspired by the author's participation in the Allied bombing of the monastery at Monte Cassino during World War II, the novel is considered a masterpiece by literary critics. It has been compared favorably with the works of Evelyn Waugh, Graham Greene, and Walker Percy, and its themes of religion, recurrence, and church versus state have generated a significant body of scholarly research.

The radio drama adaptation by John Reed, and produced at WHA by Carl Schmidt and Marv Nunn.

The play was directed by Karl Schmidt, engineered by Marv Nunn with special effects by Vic Marsh.

Narrator - Carol Collins and includes Fred Coffin, Bart Hayman, Herb Hartig and Russel Horton.

Music was by Greg Fish and Bob Budney and the Edgewood College Chant Group."

Finn understands! He's just a kid, but he already gasps romantic relationships. His analogy, though, is a bit off. Dating is more like stunt riding than a casual bike ride. That's because there's a high probability that you will be seriously hurt and carry around scars that you will feel every day for the rest of your life. You will be at least partially emotionally necrotized and those wounds will affect every other attempt you make to connect with someone on an intimate level.

And all of that from a cartoon! Adventure Time is a surprisingly deep story. Jeff Wysaski of Pleated Jeans has gleaned 20 valuable life lessons from it. Many of them deal with love and I will try to deal with them once I have eaten this gallon of ice cream.

Please, God, Let 2014 Be the Year We Retire the Word "Hipster"

freeindiegam.es has posted a bunch of "Best of 2013" lists for your enjoyment. Some of the games can be played in your browser (HTML5/Flash/Unity); others require a download—but they're all free! (And indie!)

Categories include Action, Exploration, Roguelike-Likes, Horror, Sex (mildly NSFW), Puzzle Games, Interactive Fiction, Twine (those hypertext-fiction / choose-your-own-adventure games that all the kids are into), Ensemble / Vignette Games, and ??? (weird, inexplicable, and experimental).

There are also lists of personal favorites from contributors Noyb, Terry (yes, that one), Stephen, Porpentine, and Michael.

Más de 700 grapas distribuidas a lo largo de unas setenta colecciones diferentes. Ese es el vertiginoso balance que 2013 devuelve al que esto suscribe de cara, única y exclusivamente, a las lecturas efectuadas del material que nos llega del otro lado del charco. Con tamaña muestra de la que extraer datos, creo que pocas afirmaciones son necesarias para conseguir justificar el hecho de que, de los tres Top10 que os vamos a traer entre hoy y mañana, éste haya sido el más complejo de elaborar y el que más quebraderos de cabeza ha acarreado debido a la firme voluntad de que la decena de títulos que aquí fueran a quedar recogidos supusieran, sin atisbo de duda, lo mejor que se ha publicado en Estados Unidos.

Pero por muchos y muy denodados que han sido los esfuerzos orientados a cribar y depurar una y otra vez la lista de las elegidas, llegar a 10 ha sido imposible. Aún así, y para que no se pierda la ilusión de “las diezz mejores”, la solución por la que hemos optado ha sido la de aglutinar, cuando fuera posible, varios títulos bajo un mismo epígrafe, logrando de esta manera meter con calzador a muchas cabeceras que debían estar, sí o sí, entre la selección de Fancueva para el año que recién ha acabado. Con todo, varias eran las que seguían escapándose a los laureles y, porque aún es muy pronto para opinar sobre ellas (por los pocos números que se han publicado en U.S.A) las hemos metido al final en un cajón de sastre bajo el lema “Serán Top10 en 2014″. Sin más, ahí va nuestro TOP10 U.S.A en riguroso orden alfabético:

1. All New X-Men

El paso de Brian Michael Bendis a la franquicia mutante no podría haber sido más acertado, y estos renovados mutantes, con el maravilloso dibujo de Stuart Immonen suponen mes a mes el feliz reencuentro con una franquicia auxiliada en el pasado reciente con puntuales series que, no obstante, no lograban capturar las grandezas del pasado. Eje central de ese estupendo crossover que ha sido el ‘Battle of the Atom’, esta es una de esas series Marvel que, si no has leído, ya estás tardando.

2. Batman & Batman Nöel

Impresionante. Así, en una palabra, es como se podría definir el trabajo que Scott Snyder y Greg Capullo están realizando al frente de la serie mensual del hombre murciélago. Los dibujos de Capullo, que tiempo ha abandonaron la sombra de McFarlane para dar lecciones al que fuera su maestro son lo mejor que hay ahora mismo en DC, y otro tanto se puede decir de los guiones de Snyder, que ha sabido como reinventar la serie en el seno de unas irregulares Nuevas 52 tal y como está demostrando con su fantástico ‘Year Zero’.

Y sin abandonar al caballero oscuro, no podemos dejar olvidar ‘Nöel’, una maravillosa novela gráfica que, al menos para el que esto suscribe, supone a todas luces el mejor trabajo que le hemos podido leer hasta la fecha a Lee Bermejo: adaptando ‘Cuento de Navidad’ de Dickens, el artista concreta algunas de las páginas más bellas que se han visto este año en un cómic americano, llegando su simple pero potente mensaje al corazón de los lectores sin que nada se pueda hacer para remediarlo.

3. Daredevil y Daredevil: End of Days

Que a Mark Waid habría que ponerle un monumento por lo que lleva haciendo con Daredevil desde que se hiciera cargo de ella hace ya tres años es algo de lo que una campaña de crowdfunding debería hacerse eco a la de YA: mes a mes, el guionista está demostrando con hechos contundentes que no todo estaba dicho —como se podría pensar si se lee la etapa de Miller, la de Bendis y la de Brubaker— en el universo del cuernecitos, y gracias a la inestimable ayuda en los últimos tiempos de un Chris Samnee que se sale con cada nueva entrega, la serie está de nuevo en lo más alto de las cabeceras mensuales del universo Marvel.

Redundando en favor de esa afirmación de que no todo está dicho en las aventuras del alter ego de Matt Murdock, ‘Daredevil: End of Days’ resultaba ser, a mediados del 2013, una sorpresa de las de mandíbula al suelo e hilillo de baba. Y de ello eran tan responsables el guión de Bendis y David Mack como las sorprendentes páginas de Klaus Janson, el mítico entintador de la etapa de Miller al frente de la colección que aquí deja muestras bien evidentes de ser algo más que un “calcador”.

4. Hawkeye

Es la serie Marvel que está en boca de todo aquél que se haya acercado a ella. Desenfadada, ecléctica, distinta —muy distinta— y campo de experimentación completamente libre para Matt Fraction, ‘Ojo de Halcón’ parecía que iba a convertirse en otro sablazo oportunista surgido a raíz de la popularidad del personaje por la cinta de ‘Los Vengadores’ y ha terminado convirtiéndose por méritos propios en un referente ineludible del cómic de superhéroes estadounidense. ¿Y qué decir de los FANTABULOSOS dibujos y las FANTABULOSAS páginas de David Aja? Pues eso, que son para quitar el hipo.

5. Robert Kirkman

No, no os habéis perdido una nueva serie que gire en torno a la vida de este prolífico creador. Siguiendo con esas “tuampas” de las que os avisaba al comienzo, bajo el nombre de Robert Kirkman quedan aglutinadas sus dos series emblema, tanto ‘The Walking Dead’, metida ahora mismo en una saga que, a ritmo de dos números por mes, sigue dejando bien clarito a los más escépticos que todavía queda mucho por contar de Rick Grimes y compañía, como ‘Invincible’, ahora en plena transición tras los brutales acontecimientos que vimos a mediados de año en su número 100.

A ellas habría que sumar, aunque quizás sea un poco pronto para afirmarlo con contundencia, ‘Manifest Destiny’ serie del sello Skybound apadrinado por Kirkman que, guionizada por Chris Dingess y con dibujo de Matthew Roberts, estas aventuras imaginarias de Lewis & Clark, los famosos exploradores americanos, sólo llevan dos números en la calle, pero han sido más que suficientes para ser dignos de mención en estas líneas.

6. Locke & Key

Finalizada hace dos semanas, ‘Locke & Key’ debería formar por méritos propios de cualquier antología crítica futura que revise los mejores títulos que han salido de territorio yanqui. La asombrosa inventiva de Joe Hill y el MAGISTRAL trabajo de Gabriel Rodríguez componen al unísono un relato lleno de giros, de personajes inolvidables y de situaciones irrepetibles que confluyen en uno de los mejores finales que he leído en años. Ahí es nada.

7. Parker. Slayground

A golpe de OBRA MAESTRA. Así es como se ha ido moviendo Darwyn Cooke con cada nueva entrega de las adaptaciones que lleva ya cuatro años publicando sobre Parker, el genial personaje creado por Richard Stark. Y ‘Slayground’ no es una excepción. No digo más. La reseña, en breve.

8. Saga

Aunque no le hubieran caído encima esos tres merecidísimos Eisner y el Hugo a la mejor historia gráfica con el que ha sido ya galardonada, la nueva serie de Brian K.Vaughan tras esa obra maestra que es ‘Y, el último hombre’ tendría su puesto de justicia en este Top10. A fin de cuentas, uno se mueve muy poco por lo que los premios van dictando (por más que se alegre sobremanera de que las series que sigue con interés mes a mes vean colmados sus esfuerzos y genialidades) y ya desde el primer número de los diecisiete que lleva hasta el momento, se podía ver que Vaughan y Fiona Staples iban a realizar un trabajo digno de los más efusivos elogios.

9. Superior Spider-man y Ultimate Spider-man

Ya hablé de ella cuando revisé el primer volumen publicado por Panini y en lo que he podido leer hasta el número veinticuatro (el último publicado en Estados Unidos) mi opinión no sólo no ha cambiado, sino que se ha visto reforzada por el transcurso de una serie que sigue ofreciendo mes a mes el mejor hacer de Dan Slott y, en segundo lugar, las mejores aventuras que ha vivido Spider-man en años. Con la duda de si Marvel terminará ejerciendo presiones para que se recupere a Peter, lo que queda es disfrutar mes a mes de una colección que, superado su rompedor planteamiento inicial, continua ofreciendo apuestas por sorprender al lector. Y eso hay que valorarlo.

En el otro universo, ese que tiene todas las papeletas para fenecer tras ‘Cataclysm’, las andanzas de Miles Morales, el nuevo Ultimate Spider-man, se conforman, sin lugar a dudas, como la MEJOR serie que actualmente se publica en La Casa de las Ideas, ya sea por acción directa de Bendis, que de bien que le tiene cogido el punto al superhéroe, encuentra inagotables fuentes de inspiración para seguir renovando la cabecera, ya por la de David Márquez, un artista que se ha revelado como uno de los mejores aliados del guionista a la hora de plasmar la vida del trepamuros.

10. The Wake

Y terminamos casi como habíamos empezado, con Scott Snyder, el niño mimado en la actualidad de DC y uno de los mejores guionistas del cómic mainstream que hay ahora mismo al otro lado del charco. De nuevo junto al increíble arte de Sean Murphy —con el que ya había colaborado en la genial miniserie de ‘American Vampire: Selección Natural’— Snyder parte de la nada en esta serie de diez números publicada en el sello Vertigo para sacarse de la chistera un relato intenso y capaz de cortar la respiración que en su número cinco, intermedio antes de que la serie continúe en febrero, nos planta un cliffhanger de “agárrate y no te menees”. Imprescindible es quedarse corto.

Se quedaron a las puertas

Como comentaba al principio, lo reñido del proceso de selección de esas “diez” series que han terminado formando parte del Top10 ha obligado a dejar fuera un buen puñado de títulos que se merecían figurar como lo mejor de 2013. Una lista que empezaría, sí o sí, por ese espléndido “megaevento” que ha sido ‘Infinity’ (aplausos para Hickman por lo que ha sido capaz de orquestar), seguiría con el ‘Thor, God of Thunder’ de Jason Aaron; dejando atrás Marvel pasaría a DC con el triplete formado por el volumen que recopilaba las aventuras del nuevo ‘Shazam!’ imaginadas por Geoff Johns y Gary Frank, el ‘Before Watchmen: Doctor Manhattan’ (sin lugar a dudas, la mejor de todas las miniseries de ese fallido experimento que fueron las precuelas de la obra de Moore y Gibbons) y, por supuesto, el ‘The Flash’ de Manapul y Bucellato (que los autores han dejado alcanzado el número 25). Fuera de las dos grandes destacaría ‘Sin Título’ un magnífico webcomic de Cameron Stewart publicado en tapa dura por Dark Horse, la espléndida ‘El Quinto Beatle’ que Panini editaba hace poco menos de un mes, esa nueva incursión de Straczynski en el terreno sobrenatural que es ‘Ten Grand’ y el primer arco argumental de ‘Ghosted’, una de las mejores apuestas publicadas por Image el pasado año.

Serán Top10 del 2014

Con pocos números publicados pero una solidez a prueba de bombas por lo que se puede vislumbrar en ellos, seis son los títulos que, al menos por ahora, tendrán todas las papeletas para luchar por hacerse con una posición en este Top10.

a. Velvet: lo nuevo de Ed Brubaker y Steve Epting, el equipo creativo detrás de la mejor etapa que se ha podido leer del ‘Capitán América’, ha visto la luz bajo el sello Image, una editorial que en los últimos tiempos está haciendo impresionantes esfuerzos para sacar todos los meses nuevas colecciones que en muchos casos, como el de esta brillante serie noir, se alzan como propuestas más que atractivas que añadir a las lecturas que se hacen de cómic estadounidense.

b. Sex Criminals: sin movernos de Image, nos encontramos aquí con uno de los títulos más frescos que han visto la luz el año pasado. Obra y gracia de Matt Fraction y Chip Zdarsky, las aventuras de Suzie, una chica capaz de parar el tiempo cuando mantiene relaciones sexuales ha captado la atención de muchos críticos a ambos lados del charco, que vemos en ellas un enorme potencial capaz de eclosionar en este año en una de los mejores títulos publicados en habla inglesa.

c. Lazarus: todavía en la misma casa, nos encontramos aquí con otro de esos proyectos que era de obligada lectura desde el momento que se anunció. ¿Que por qué? Pues por los nombres que conforman su equipo creativo, Greg Rucka y Michael Lark, dos artistas asociados a la espléndida ‘Gotham Central’ que con cinco números ya publicados, están construyendo una de las mejores historias de ciencia-ficción que se han leído en los últimos tiempos.

d. Black Science: compaginándolo con la brillante etapa que está realizando al frente de ‘Capitán América’, Rick Remender arrancaba el pasado mes de noviembre junto a un impresionante Matteo Scalera con esta serie que, también apadrinada por Image (ya dije antes que lo de la editorial es de traca), narra las aventuras espacio-temporales de un grupo bastante heterogéneo. Acción trepidante y un par de cliffhangers de esos que te dejan “ojiplático” son las características de los dos números de una serie que, si nada lo evita, va a dar mucho que hablar.

e. Jupiter’s Legacy: y terminamos con Image de la mano de un tándem de lujo, Mark Millar y Frank Quitely, dos autores que no necesitan presentación y que, si todo sigue como lo que se ha podido ver en los tres números publicados hasta ahora (la proverbial lentitud de Quitely ha impedido que sean cinco o seis, que son los que en circunstancias normales tendrían que haber visto la luz), terminarán por parir una serie llamada a redefinir ciertos parámetros del cómic de superhéroes. Ahí es nada.

f. Trillium: y terminamos este repaso con una asombrosa y estimulante maxiserie de 10 números del sello Vertigo con la que Jeff Lemire nos está dejando boquiabiertos mes a mes verbigracia a unas composiciones de páginas espectaculares que obligan a leer al derecho y al revés de adelante hacia atrás y de atrás hacia delante. Y no digo más. Hay que verlo para poder aprehenderse del genio que está destilando el autor.

(Video Link)

Stylistically speaking, the retro cartoon look has been done to death in short films, artwork and various animated series, but there’s one medium which hasn’t used this rubber limbed style of animation nearly enough- our old pals the video games.

Cuphead is an indie game from developer MDHR which is going to be hand drawn and inked in the style of 1930s cartoons. In it you will play Cuphead, who runs and guns his way through wacky levels and over 30 bosses that look like they stepped straight out of your favorite old timey cartoons.  

The game already looks like a breath of fresh air in a market flooded with quirky puzzlers and hyper realistic combat simulation games, and we are eagerly awaiting its release some time in 2014.

Via Cartoon Brew

Here's forty four minutes and forty four seconds of James Brown: said to be the total of all his appearances on Soul Train.

Roman Emperors Ranked By How Hardcore Their Deaths Were

I’ve been thinking a lot about this “Twilight Zone” episode lately, “Number 12 Looks Just Like You.” It’s always been one of my favorites. It’s one of the futuristic episodes where everyone is wearing a unitard.

In the episode (which you can watch here if you are so inclined), when people reach a certain age, they have to undergo a process called “The Transformation” in which they are basically transformed into a beautiful person that they pick out of a catalog. The goal is apparently social harmony, since according to the dude in charge of said transformation–  ”Years before, wiser men than I . . . saw that physical unattractiveness was one of the factors that made men hate, so they charged the finest scientific minds with the task of eliminating ugliness in mankind.” Naturally, the story revolves around a girl who doesn’t want to change, but is forced to anyway.

On some level, I feel like that’s where we’re at now. I was watching “The Facts of Life” recently and thought to myself “Shit, this would never be allowed today. None of these women look like supermodels, and people would be furious that Blaire was supposed to be the pretty one when she isn’t all anorexic looking.”

I mean, shit–even the girl playing “Carrie” is super hot. We can’t even have a normal looking girl playing a girl whose entire character is defined by being homely.

 

We’re really only okay with people being normal looking if they’re British. It all feels very sanitized to me.

So, I’m not surprised to find that a new study shows that people have become so inured to “designer vaginas” that they are kind of weirded out by the real ones. People have become so used to seeing (in media) vaginas that have been waxed, airbrushed and surgically altered that when shown pictures of unaltered ladyparts vs. surgically enhanced ladyparts and asked to choose which is “normal,” they will pick the modified vag.

Via Daily Mail:

Ninety-seven Australian women ages 18 to 30 years old were divided into three groups. In the initial stage of the study, one group was shown almost three dozen images of modified female genitalia; another group was shown images of unmodified genitalia. A third group was not shown any images.

Next, all three groups were shown a mix of images of modified and unmodified genitals and asked to rate them for the degree to which the vulva ‘looks normal’ and ‘represents society’s ideal.’

All three groups rated the images of the ‘designer vaginas’ as more like society’s ideal than those which hadn’t undergone surgery.

Women who had viewed the images of the modified genitalia first also rated the modified vulvas as more ‘normal’ than the unmodified genitals.

But women who had seen the photos of unmodified genitalia first tended to rate them as normal in the second stage.

The researchers suggest that young women may not realize that normal genitalia vary considerably in appearance.

This is all pretty freaking sad to me. The advertisements for things like labiaplasty and whatever it is that people have done to change the color of their vulvas tell women that these procedures will help “normalize” their vaginas. There is even a popular kind of labiaplasty called “The Barbie“–named after a doll with no visible genitalia. Since 2001, labiaplasties have increased five-fold, and that is absolutely ridiculous.

Body policing has become so normalized in our culture that to suggest doing anything otherwise is practically considered radical. People get viscerally angry at the idea that they should not engage in “fat-shaming”  and will insist they are doing overweight people some kind of favor by making sure that they don’t start thinking that the way they look is somehow acceptable. We come up with seemingly innocuous jokes like “muffin top” and “camel toe” and “man hands” to describe the way someone’s body has failed us. We treat physical imperfection as a violation of the social contract– “Ugh. I don’t want to have to look at that.”

I’m sorry– there’s a reason we have the soulless roboted voices of Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry and Britney Spears and the 1960s had Aretha Franklin, Janis Joplin and Grace Slick. We made a choice.

And now, here we are, being so fervently devoted to sanitized perfection that we are now rejecting our own goddamn genitalia. Out of desperate fear we’ll be judged as we’ve judged others. Out of fear that some idiot dude is going to vomit all over himself and you should he accidentally be exposed to a vagina that doesn’t look like the ones he sees in porn.

HE SHOULD BE SO LUCKY.

I say, fuck that shit. Vaginas are awesome, vulvas are awesome. Designer vaginas are boring, and if anyone isn’t thrilled to see your awesome, unique, real vagina, you should laugh in their face. The mere suggestion that you should get your ladyparts hacked up or dyed for fear of offending someone with their realness should have you rolling in the aisles, not shelling out money for an idiotic surgery and hating yourself. Women have got to stop being suckers.

Seriously. Don’t you fucking dare get your vulva “enhanced.” Don’t you fucking dare let men think we are so worried about what they think of us that you would literally go to a doctor and have him hack up your goddamned vagina just to please them. Trust me, it will never be enough, the ante will keep going up, so stop it now. We do not need that shit, we have enough to worry about. We don’t need any new reasons to hate ourselves or feel like crap. Go read a book, practice a musical instrument, help someone! Do something smart. We need way more smart, bad-ass women in the world than we need perfect vaginas.

Image via.

From Girls to “Grown Woman” (and more important stuff, too, but I’m here for the peppermint gum and sparkly pencils of girl stuff, OK?), 2013 was a big year for girls. Here is the girl year in review, along with some non-committal predictions for 2014.

SELFIES

Listen, girls were on it from day zero, but in 2013 “Word of the Year” deciders, the think-piece community, and every mom discovered (but maybe didn’t understand? I don’t know) the significance of what has always been a fundament of self-representation and self-expression in girl world. So cute!

EYEBROWS

Big eyebrows are always the answer. If that “eyebrow thickness as economic indicator” theory holds, that means that Cara Delevingne’s nu-Moss influence could be responsible for more than making it just fine-fine to wear a onesie to the airport. In 2013, thick, mega, for-real eyebrows—to be clear, not the “more” version of a clean arch; I mean face-dominating aesthetic pillars—moved from a niche idea to a regular thing.

Related: Kim Kardashian’s baby, North West—who I found out late was a girl; didn’t anyone else see North, the 1994 Elijah Wood fantastamaboringa?—has some legit eyebrows, which meant Kim was accused of waxing them, which is both absurd and mean. Also, I guess Kim is another aspect of the year in girls, so I’ll just wedge her in here.

BEING UNLIKABLE

The ways in which real and fictional women are and are not likeable was a question both asked and sort-of answered in pop culture this year, liiiike when some Breaking Bad watchers decided that Skyler White was unfairly wife-ing up Walter’s final-season menace parade (Anna Gunn, the actress who plays Skyler, wrote a solid op-ed about it), and in “you in danger, girl” movies liiiiike The Bling Ring and Spring Breakers, and in Claire Messud’s book The Woman Upstairs and its “would you be her friend tho” review cycle, aaaaand liiiiike the likability battle between a Jennifer Lawrence and an Anne Hathaway. I just want everyone to be safe and happy, so I think I have pirouetted myself out of this discussion, but it seemed interesting for the rest of you this year.

MONOGRAMS

I guess it was those Clare Vivier bags that really did it? My ancient and beloved ID bracelet precludes me from wearing too many initialized accessories, but this variety of explicit, Instagramable personalization was a rager in 2013. As a sub-head here, I guess I should mention those designer logo riffs on tees and hats, buuuuut they seem a lot more cynical and less on-zeitgeist than “THESE ARE MY LETTERS! THIS IS ME!” so let’s leave it at that.

CHELSEA PERETTI

This is my list, and I will do whatever I want, and I choose Chelmillionaire as my personal Nike Sky Hi-light of the year in girl. Chelsea’s stupid-sounding but deeply funny and perfectly self-indulgent podcast Call Chelsea Peretti started in 2012, but I didn’t get into it until earlier this year, so it counts—plus girl is on Brooklyn Nine-Nine doing more comedy with her iPhone case in the background than exists in total on other shows, plus-plus she has reached the all-caps-y zenith of Twitter. Year of Chelsea.

JUICE

Juicing was correctly identified this year as the quintessential girl food trend, beating out gluten-free everything because gluten-free is still food. Juicing is cute because it’s tasty, expensive, and ostensibly healthy but often very, very, very sugary—thus owning all four food-related Girl Quadrants.

STYLE

Cracking open the style piñata of 2013 girldom reveals a few weird 2012 repeats. We’re still with the “who, me?” ripped jean-knees, the ubiqui arm parties (that’s Man Repeller for a few inches of multi-media bracelets), and the embellished, bejeweled, printed, cropped, and cut-up sweatshirt, which held its post-Kenzo heat steady this year. This was a nice outcome because nothing is more ideally wearable and appealing than a sweatshirt, but it was also a little sad because I want sweatshirts with puffy arms and awkward cuts to be available to me as a “visiting my parents” closet choice, and not a replayed, overdone fashion thing.

Anyways, this year was really about THE POINT: pointy nails, pointy rings, and pointy bracelets, necklaces, and earrings, in zigzag, lightning, diamond, and spike formations—delicate and gold and tiny in scope but jutting every which way. I guess pointy-toed pumps were also back, but D’Orsay flats easily overwhelmed them, at least in my vision. Also, on the issue of 2013 rings, I’m not so sure about the ones that ride way up above the knuckle. What do you think? They’re weird, right?

LORDE, MILEY, TAYLOR

And HAIM too, but they fit in my subtitle less neatly. Much of the serious music and music-industry discussion in 2013 swung around those three girls like ribbons on a maypole, between “Royals” (actually 2012 but you know what I mean), the Sinead stuff, the beige latex panties, “Wrecking Ball,” and the kitty-cat and birthday party Instagrams, and even considering the concern-trolling, beauty standards, pop wars, something, something, something, they seemed to just… handle it.

BEYONCÉ

If I had written this last week when I was really supposed to (my schedule is on a three-to-seven day delay because I got so, so sick), Queen B would have been the pink-on-black flag planted firmly on Girl Mountain. But now it feels weird to end on something so obviously the pinnacle of the year in girl, so how about I put Bey second to last? Sure.

Related: WASN’T THAT CRAZY THOUGH?

COZY

This month sometime Hello Giggles boss @sofifii tweeted, “I think a 2014 trend is going be grown women sleeping with teddy bears and childhood blankets.” This is also my prediction for 2014. I recently discovered that I have a blankie that I not only sleep with but also bring with me to my desk in the morning to make my 5 AM wake-up feel a lot better. I’m pretty sure that a renewed (or new, I guess, either way) sense of self-care and self-reliance—which includes a commitment to basic tactile comfort in order to generate the mind and body energies required of a 2014-style, self-sufficient, independent, cool-customer “Grown Woman” (callback!)—will be important. I mean maybe not with actual teddy bears, but let’s take an opportunity to be alone with ourselves and our soft things once in a while (I recommend Friday nights), so next year’s girl in review will be about how we all did amazing stuff at work, were kind to each other, had fun, and went to bed all exhausted but done.

@KateCarraway

Art by Brian Walsby

I never paid much attention to GG Allin when he was alive because I thought he was a talentless bottom feeder who’d do anything to get attention. Consequently, I never bothered with his music, and stayed away from reading about him. I mean, compared to my pals in the Ramones, what could Allin possibly have to offer? GG seemed like a spectacular mess who was just taking up space until he killed himself. I didn’t really need any more garbage heaps in my life. But after he died, my best friend Tom Hearn told me he’d hung out with GG a few times in New Haven, Connecticut, and that he was a nice guy.

“Really?” I asked Tom, intrigued that I let my preconceived notions keep me from checking Allin out. I love it when my prejudiced ideas get shattered and I have to take another look.

“Yeah,” Tom told me, “He was like this incredible asshole on stage, just fighting and screaming and shitting on everyone, but off stage he was really nice. He was kind of like a more violent, fucked-up version of Joey Ramone. Ya know how Joey was so incredibly focused on stage? And then when we were hanging out with him, he was funny as shit? GG was kind of like that …”

Hmm, I thought, Maybe I was wrong about the guy…

When I was doing a reading tour of the south last winter, I became friendly with Johnny Puke, from Charleston, South Carolina, where he books and manages the Tin Roof, a fun, dumpy punk club. Johnny told me that he was with GG the night he died and I thought it would be an interesting story to get on tape. So I asked Johnny if I could interview him some time, Johnny said, ”Yes,” and last October, just as it was getting really cold outside, I headed back to Charleston to interview Johnny Puke. This is his report.

GG’s final mission—which he was trying to accomplish before he went to prison—was that he would do his final performance on Halloween of 1991 and kill himself onstage. So people began making plans to find out where that show was gonna be because all of these people wanted to see GG die onstage or see what was gonna happen. But what happened, of course, was that he was in prison on Halloween for the next couple of years, so that made his promise null and void.

I’d heard of GG long before that, because of Maximum Rocknroll magazine, but they always just said that he was this vile, offensive jerk, not worth your time. And when you’re a little kid you took what Maximum Rocknroll said seriously, because they were the last word in punk. But when I got into college, I started thinking outside of the confines of what punk magazines were telling me I was supposed to think.

I started writing to GG, and we got friendly through the mail. I must have written him over a hundred letters. He wasn’t particularly living anywhere. He was staying in Chicago with this really cool girl, Sharon Rose, who kept a permanent address for him. He wasn’t really playing that much, but then he wrote me that he was coming to New York to play a show and invited me up. It was probably a twelve or thirteen hour drive from West Virginia and I decided, “I’m gonna do it!” because this was really my entrée into punk rock, ya know? 

When GG got out of jail, the rumor resumed and everybody was looking forward to seeing GG kill himself. I talked to GG about it a little bit, but he never was really forthcoming with me. Sometimes would give me a vague answer, once he said that fire was gonna be involved. He hinted to me that he might take other people out with him. I’ll tell you this, Merle said that when it did come down to that final show, that the Murder Junkies weren’t gonna be in on it, because Merle wasn’t gonna knowingly play a final show when he knew his brother was gonna kill himself.

By this time, 1992, I was living in New York and I started hanging out with GG and Dee Dee Ramone, who was living at the Chelsea Hotel at the time. Dee Dee was gonna be the guitar player for GG’s band, but that lasted about a week, because obviously, it wasn’t gonna work out. 

The there was the last year of his career. I think all of these people thought, “Maybe tonight is gonna be GG’s last night!” Because now he wasn’t saying he was gonna kill himself on Halloween—he was saying you get what you deserve; and you’ll get it when you deserve it.

He was saying, “I’m not going to do anything based on what you want me to do or when you want me to do it. I’m gonna do it when I wanna do it!”

So that added to excitement of every one of these shows. These people were on a death trip, paying ten dollars a head to see if maybe this guy was gonna kill himself tonight.

The final show, though we didn’t know it was the final show, was booked at the Gas Station in the East Village, which was this sort of a sculpture place directly across the street from my apartment on Avenue B and 2^nd Street. I lived there with my girlfriend, and GG was in town with his girlfriend, a young girl named Liz, a pretty cool chick, who was following him around. When he first got back to New York, he tried to stay with Merle, but Merle was getting sick of him. So he and Liz had checked in to the St. Mark’s Hotel, that’s where he was staying.

So GG says to me, “Tomorrow we’ll come over to your place before the sound check. We’ll sort of use your place like a dressing room and then we’ll go do the show and we’ll hang out later.” The next day, GG came over real early, like noon or one o’clock, and the whole band was there, and Richard Kern came by to take photographs. People were coming and going all day. So the band was hanging out, and we don’t have anything to do, cause the sound check kept getting pushed back, later and later.

I was like, “I’m bored, let’s get some coke!”

So I go to one of those little deli places that sells coke, across the street. You know how that goes—now every forty-five minutes I’m going back across the street for another bag of blow. So we’re drinking beer and listening to music, and actually having a really good afternoon. By this point, GG is getting really wired, we’re all getting wired, but he gets super-wired before a show. GG had an internal process he went through where he just ratcheted himself up to be ten-foot-tall and ruthless, so he could perform.

And the coke was adding to that. We went over to do the sound check around five or six, and then it was time to do the show. A bunch of bands had played, but we’d been over in my apartment, doing coke and missed them.

Anyway, GG gets onstage and immediately breaks a microphone. So the sound guy says, “Shows over, I’m not gonna do this!” There’s all these people there and GG’s furious. He started yelling at the sound guy and threatening him. So the sound guy and his dog barricaded themselves in the sound booth behind this steel gate and GG’s throwing mics at him and calling him a pussy and trying to call him out.

Somehow GG got another mic and the show went on for a little while. It was a three-song show and GG was on fire. He punched out a couple people and then he shit on himself and smeared it all over everything, and then was throwing shit at people!

There were about two hundred people there and right after the show started they all ran for the courtyard. So there were only about ten people left watching the show.

Somebody got punched out and there was a scuffle and now GG doesn’t have a mic. He was frustrated that he’s not even gonna be able to perform this show that he has ratcheted himself up for, so he starts taking it out on the crowd. He chases people out to the courtyard yelling, “They won’t even let me finish my show!”

GG was trying to attack anyone that’s close, so the crowd got angry, mad that they waited all afternoon and didn’t even get to see the headliner. They were out in the courtyard, where there was a recycling container full of bottles—and they staredt throwing the bottles. It’s was raining Molotov cocktails and we were having to duck and try to figure out how the fuck we were gonna get outta there. 

So GG chased the crowd out of the courtyard and onto the street, which became a riot of crazy people screaming and yelling. There were like 75 to 100 people out on the street, flipping out. GG was wearing Liz’s short skirt, no underwear, and these combat boots, covered in blood and shit. Then GG lay down in front of the city bus on Avenue B, and the bus couldn’t pass.

Everybody was running around like crazy. GG was laying in the street. And by now we can hear the cops coming.

GG tried to get away, but he wasn’t super New York savvy, ya know, and he was having trouble trying to find his way back to the St. Mark’s Hotel. The whole crowd as following him. And then the police were following him. And he’s wearing a skirt with no underwear, covered in shit.

GG was trying to walk down Avenue B and there was a kind of march that he’s leading. But GG didn’t wanna be leading a march, he wanted to get away.

He yelled, “Quit following me! quit following me!”  But they didn’t stop following him. He hailed a cab in front of a bank, gets in, and the cabbie freaked out. The cabbie was just skeeved-out and he wouldn’t go, so they had to get out of that cab. Meanwhile, there were people on all four corners of the block, screaming and yelling, while the cops were looking for who’s causing this ruckus.

Finally, GG hailed another cab safely made it back to the St. Mark’s Hotel.

Me, my girlfriend, and the band, went out to eat at this BBQ place right on Houston, and I was gonna catch up with GG later. The promoter of the show had given GG a bundle of heroin, which is ten little bags, so GG had the dope and he told me, “I’ll find you later and we’ll go back to your house and we’ll party!”

So I go to the St. Mark’s Hotel to collect GG and Liz—but he’s with Bobby Ebbs from Genocide, who was a GG Allin nut and a real hanger-on, who just wanted to be around GG, hoping he’d buy drugs for him and his girlfriend.

GG was real happy to see me walk up, and said, “Let’s get the fuck outta here right now!”

At about 11: 30, we took a cab and went back to my apartment to start partying. It was just me, my girlfriend, GG, and Liz.  And GG’s got all this dope from the promoter and we started snorting it. I think GG would have preferred to shoot it, but I didn’t do that. I was phobic of needles. So he knew I was just a big snort-er. And we were drinking Jim Beam and running across the street to get more beers. It was a good night.

We were talking about arranging a spoken word tour of Europe for both of us. Neither GG nor I had ever been to Europe, and this tour would be an excuse to go there and cause trouble. We probably stayed up, partying until two or three in the morning, but GG was the first to fall asleep, probably around one.

He was asleep on the floor, and this was a little apartment and he was snoring super loud. Liz, me, and my girlfriend stayed up talking and listening to him snore for another hour. Finally, we set Liz up on the futon, and me and my girlfriend went to sleep on the bed, which is only a few feet away.

We went to sleep to the sound of GG snoring, so I had no need to be alarmed. He wasn’t blue. He didn’t vomit. He was just snoring.

In the morning, at about nine o’clock, Liz wakes me up and says, “I think there’s something wrong with GG.”

I went over to where GG was laying and he was wearing a cut-off jean jacket, Liz’s skirt, those boots, and a silver Nazi helmet that he loved. It was his most prized possession He’d left the Nazi helmet at my house before the show, because he loved it so much and didn’t want to loose it.

So I go to him and he’s cold and he’s stiff—and very dead on my floor.

I was still a little high from the night before, so I was confused, but I’m good in a crisis. I can focus on what has to be done. Little things drive me nuts. If I lose my keys, I go nuts, but if my grandfather dies, suddenly I’m gonna organize everything and pay for it later.

The first thing I did, before anything, was grab the remaining dope and run up to my roof to hide it, because I knew what’s gonna happen next. Then I called Merle and told him, and called the police to tell them. I told the cops, “I think we have an OD here, I think we have a death here,” but I don’t know if I ever admitted to the police that I was doing dope too.

I wasn’t afraid that the cops would charge me with murder, I was more afraid of getting busted for drugs, ya know? GG obviously was my really good friend, and there were more than a few people to say I had no reason to kill him, so I wasn’t really afraid of that.

So they sent a cop over who determined that GG was dead. Then all the cops flooded my little apartment and there was a cop standing outside my door for a couple hours. Finally, they put GG in a body bag—it was a fifth floor walk-up—and carried him down the stairs. It took a couple guys, because GG was a big fellow. They carried him down to the street and put him the wagon and drove him to the morgue.

One thing that I hadn’t thought about that looked really weird and suspicious was that after GG fell asleep, Liz, my girlfriend, and I all took Polaroid’s of us laying next to GG that we were gonna show him in morning. We were cuddling with him and smiling in the photos.

Well, the police found the Polaroid’s and confiscated them. And then we all had to go down to the 9th Precinct to tell our version of the story. At first they were very suspicious of us. The cops were like, “What kind of fucking person lies down with a corpse and smiles and waves?”

We had to explain, that although he was in the exact same position, he wasn’t dead, that he was snoring. But boy, did that look not too good for us.

Now I can kinda get a kick outta it, but at the time it seemed like, “Fuck! That’s really sick!”

Anyway, when all of this was over they found that none of us did anything criminal. I tried for weeks to get those Polaroids back, but the cops just refused and I don’t know what ever happened to them. I’m sure there in a folder somewhere at the 9^th Precinct.

I think GG would have thought that was funny. I think he would have loved that story.

He’d be like, “The police thought that Johnny Puke was posing with my corpse!” 

Holding strong to tradition, I once again bring the year to a close with my annual Lord Rutledge Awards. Due to a restructuring of the F & L operating budget (I purchased a trained monkey whom I'm convinced can write reviews as well as I can), I was unable to make this a live event this year. So picture me now seated by the fireplace, dressed in my smoking jacket, weighing in on the year that was 2013 while I sip a hearty winter ale from a boot mug and listen to Bloodstains Across Denmark on a 1963 Motorola console stereo. I briefly pause to sing along loudly, causing the cat to give me the death glare.

On more than one occasion over the past 12 months, I remarked on what an amazing year 2013 was for punk/garage/powerpop music. I don't know if there was anything special about 2013 in particular. Maybe there's lots of great music out there every year, and I just did a better job of finding it in 2013. Any way you choose to explain it, I've had an inordinate amount of incredible music to write about over the past 365 days. Several of my favorite bands (Night Birds, Missing Monuments, The Connection, The Kidnappers) delivered superb new releases. The Stiletto Boys returned after a 13 year absence and issued their long-awaited masterpiece Liberator. The Lovesores and Livids turned back the clock to the glory days of trashy punk rock n' roll. New bands like L.A. Drugz and Chain Letters became instant favorites of mine. I finally got hip to awesome groups like The Bloodtypes and The Love Triangle. Hell, even the almighty Replacements released new music! All in all, it was a musical year I'll fondly remember for a long time. On that note, I will now dispense the hardware.

Drum roll, please....

Album of the Year:
Night Birds - Born To Die In Suburbia
Number one with a bullet. You can see my full top ten here.

EP of the Year:
L.A. Drugz- Outside Place
My favorite overall release of the year. This band will contend for the championship belt in 2014.

Single of the Year:
Kurt Baker- "Girl's Got Money" b​/​w "Yeah? Yeah!"
In spite of formidable competition from the likes of Smartboys, The Chain Letters, and Maniac, last year's album of the year winner collects another Lord Rutledge Award for his double A side bonanza from this past summer. If you're a big Kurt fan like me, I've got something special for you later this week. Stay tuned!

Song of the Year:
Wyatt Funderburk - "If I Ever Wanted Easier"
It seems like most epic love songs are about young hearts in the throes on passion. This one's about enduring adult love, and it really speaks to me. Talk about ending an album on a high note!

Split of the Year:
The Gaggers/The Stitches
Released on Rapid Pulse and No Front Teeth Records. Includes the best Stitches song in at least 15 years and an instant snot-punk classic from London's almighty Gaggers. You can (and must!) stream both tracks on the Rapid Pulse Soundcloud page. 

Album of the Year (Masters Class):
Swingin' Utters - Poorly Formed
This award goes to the best album released by a band that's 25 years or more into its existence. The Swingin' Utters have somehow managed to mature and consistently reinvent themselves over the years without losing the qualities that made them a great band to begin with. That's really hard to do, especially in the punk world. I also considered Bad Religion's strong effort True North for this award. But the difference is that Poorly Formed is one of the Utters' finest albums, while I'd say True North is nowhere near the top tier of Bad Religion LPs.

Producer of the Year:
Pierluigi Ballarin
Miss Chain & the Broken Heels' The Dawn was one of the year's finest LPs and all in all one of the "warmest" and best-produced records I've heard in years. Much credit has to go to Ballarin, who produced the album at his analog based T.U.P. Studio in Italy. Keep an eye on this guy!

Cover Song of the Year:
The No Tomorrow Boys - "I Go Ape" (Neil Sedaka)
You may be surprised by how hard the original (Sedaka's second single, from 1959) rocks. But The No Tomorrow Boys take it from inside the five and power it into the end zone. Find it on their Teen-Age Vice EP!

The Patrick Bateman Prize For Excellence In Music Criticism:
Kevin McGovern
It's no surprise that one of the great punk lyricists of my generation would attain a similar excellence in writing about music. Even though I myself write lots of record reviews, I'm generally not a fan of reading them. I always make an exception for Kevin, who contributed many classic rants to Now Wave Magazine back in the day. Whether he's writing a song, a Facebook post, or a grocery list, Kevin is always uniquely Kevin. Check out his blog for some amazing write-ups about life and music and what it all really means. This review in particular sums up his greatness.

Blog of the Year:
Audio Ammunition
By far the best taste in music of any blog out there. Since I don't do band interviews, it's cool to see another blog that does them really well. Check it out!

Label of the Year:
Grave Mistake Records
This was a mighty close battle as Dirtnap Records nearly took it for the second year in a row. But on the strength of delivering my #1 and #5 albums of the year plus great new EPs from The Shirks and Red Dons, I give it to Grave Mistake by the narrowest of margins.

Best New Band:
L.A. Drugz
Runner up was Maniac - because Justin Maurer likes to compete with himself.

Vault Treasure of the Year:
The Prostitutes - Get Sicker
With all The Prostitutes' classic material out of print for years, it's a thrill to have this digital collection available for a free download. At a lean 14 tracks, this is the most essential stuff from (in my opinion) the greatest punk rock band of the '90s. If you only take one recommendation from me all year, let this be the one.

Compilation of the Year:
Neighborhood Brats - No Sun No Tan
Compiling the Neighborhood Brats' out of print first three singles along with two unreleased tracks, this collection is an absolute must-own whether you're 17 or 47. Classic punk rock in the Avengers/VKTMS mold featuring the remarkable Jenny Angelillo on vocals. Without a doubt, one of the best punk bands going today.

Music Video of the Year:
L.A. Drugz- "Outside Place"
Winning three Lord Rutledge Awards in one year entitles you to a free pizza. Toppings are extra.


Best album of 2012 I didn't hear until 2013:
Sugar Stems - Can't Wait 
If it had been released just a couple weeks later, it would have been my runner up for 2013 album of the year.

Album I should have bought, but didn't:
Glass Heroes- Liars Cheats and Thieves 
I have never written about this band. That's a failure that needs to be corrected soon.

The Championship Belt:
Something Fierce
This award goes annually to my favorite current band. Something Fierce has held the belt since the inception of the award. And although they released no new music in 2013, I am not yet prepared to strip them of their title. With a new Something Fierce album due out in mid-to-late 2014, the band will have every opportunity to retain the belt in a fair fight.

Happy New Year, everyone! Thank you for reading!

-L.R.