Hemp advocates say raising annual licensing fees for retailers from $150 to $20,000 and for manufacturers from $250 to $25,000 would shutter small businesses.
How do I live longer? Stress is a leading cause of early death. Avoid stress by spending every single day thinking about what you need to do to not die. If that doesn’t work, try meditation. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and remember that each second of meditation is a battle in the war on Father Time. Good luck, soldier.
How important is sleep? Nothing is more important than a good night’s sleep. So-called “friends” will invite you out for long nights of drinks, dancing, and “companionship.” Recognize this danger and return to your cryochamber.
So what’s a good sleep schedule? Wake up at 4:30 a.m., no exceptions. The smug satisfaction of telling everyone you wake up at 4:30 a.m. will power you for at least one hundred years.
What’s your best biohacking tip? Research shows nasal breathing is healthier than mouth breathing. Duct tape your mouth shut and only breathe through your nose. When someone asks if you’re being held hostage, blink twice to let them know you heard about this on a podcast.
As a biohacker, what should my diet look like? Meat would be healthy, but it’s full of microplastics. Fruits and vegetables would be healthy, but they’re doused in pesticides. Play it safe with a diet of powders, potions, shakes, and sludge. The healthiest foods come from cardboard boxes you can order on your phone. Keep in mind, strong muscles need protein. Chug protein like your life depends on it, because it literally does. Consume so much protein your kidneys can’t process it, then when your doctor tells you to stop, say, “I bet that’s exactly what Big Pharma wants me to do, isn’t it?” And of course, never consume seed oils. Don’t even google “seed oils.” If you don’t actually know what seed oils are, they can’t hurt you.
Can modern medicine be trusted? Doctors make money by keeping you sick. Beat the system and get all your medical advice from shirtless Internet men hocking supplements. Bonus points if those supplements are illegal in your home state.
Any advice for long-term brain health? Keep your mind young and nimble by reading widely. Read books about biohacking, hacking biology, hacks of biologism, and biological hackery.
Do you recommend skincare? I want to look younger too. If you look good, you feel good. Get a skincare regimen to prevent signs of aging. Dry skin? Moisturize. Gray hair? Dye it. Intrusive thoughts about the finite nature of our decaying flesh prison? Stuff ’em down.
Is sun exposure okay? The sun is poisonous. It will give you cancer, or worse, wrinkles. Avoid sun exposure at all costs. Drown yourself in sunscreen. Live underground. Find a pack of moles and slowly embed yourself in their society. Teach the moles about the benefits of intermittent fasting.
What about exercise? For a long, healthy life, lift weights. Model your health on strongmen who are built like commercial freezers. Look for the classic markers of good health: taut skin, bloodshot eyes, and hair growing out of places you didn’t know existed.
What if I’m not a man? I don’t follow.
What if I’m not a man and I want to biohack my way to a longer life? So, you’re a boy, as in not yet a man? Then I’d say just wait a few years, little fella.
Woman. Woman biohacking. Did you say, “Whoa, man, biohacking”? Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Just give me your last piece of advice. Death is a prison. To live forever is to break free. We must escape and fly high, like Icarus. Icarus escaped prison. Icarus flew high. He challenged the gods. I haven’t read the whole story, but that sounds like a pretty cool guy to base my life around. You should too.
Chinese hackers targeted the email inboxes of staff working in several House of Representatives committees, according to two people with knowledge of the matter.
The people declined to disclose details of specific committees affected because an investigation into the intrusions is early and ongoing. They requested anonymity because they were not authorized to speak publicly about the matter.
The Financial Times first reported details of the hacking attempts and said committees including foreign affairs, intelligence and armed services were impacted. FT said Salt Typhoon, a Chinese state-aligned hacking group that gained infamy in 2024 for its hacks into telecom systems around the world, was responsible for the House breaches.
Nextgov/FCW could not independently confirm whether Salt Typhoon carried out the intrusions. China manages a swath of state-backed hacking collectives that have sought to access U.S. government systems, as well as organizations that have knowledge of U.S. government and legal affairs.
It’s also not clear who was targeted and whether their emails were successfully exfiltrated.
Congressional communications are a frequent target of foreign hackers because they can provide an unauthorized preview into legislative planning.
Last year, the Congressional Budget Office, Capitol Hill’s nonpartisan accounting service that delivers financial assessments for legislation, was accessed in an intrusion potentially tied to a foreign hacker group.
In late 2024, a foreign adversary also accessed the contents of email communications between congressional legislative staffers and staff in the Library of Congress’s Congressional Research Service.
China has regularly denied involvement in U.S. cyber intrusions.
“China opposes and fights all forms of hacking in accordance with the law. We do not encourage, support or connive at cyber attacks,” Chinese embassy spokesperson Liu Pengyu said in a statement when asked about the incident.
Jonathan Ross told a federal court in December about his professional background, including “hundreds” of encounters with drivers during enforcement actions, according to testimony obtained by WIRED.
WASHINGTON—Saying the sumptuous gift should slake the administration’s thirst for the next few months, Fox News sent President Donald Trump its quarterly tithe of three blond anchors, White House sources confirmed Friday. “We have traveled south to the White House steps to present you with these three Kayleighs,” said Fox Corporation CEO Lachlan Murdoch, who was flanked by a traveling court of lute players and jesters brought along to amuse the president. “This stock represents the finest tenth of our quarterly newscaster harvest, and we beseech your fealty in return. We humbly apologize that the last batch was not young enough. To atone for this transgression, we have included several prize hogs to curry extra favor.” According to sources, the Trump administration was so pleased with the offering that it granted Fox News one sweaty commentator in exchange.
WALPOLE, NH—Revealing that the series would force Americans to rethink everything they thought they knew about the “cute little fuzzball,” filmmaker Ken Burns announced Friday the release of Mr. Biscuits, a 10-part documentary about the cat he adopted from a local animal shelter. “For decades, I thought The Civil War would stand as my most important contribution to the art form, but Mr. Biscuits will far exceed the impact of any of my prior works,” said Burns, who explained that the sprawling 20-hour-long production begins with sepia-toned footage of a kitten rolling around on a linoleum floor and then, over the strains of Appalachian fiddle music, details the incredible effect that Mr. Biscuits has had on American life since his birth two years ago. “The film chronicles history, culture, and num-num time, recounting foundational events such as the first time Mr. Biscuits jumped into an Amazon box and the day he gave everyone a scare by eating part of a houseplant.” At press time, Mr. Biscuits was reportedly favored to win every major television and film award.
The Trump administration’s strikes on Venezuela are part of a long history of American involvement in the region. The Onion looks back at the history of U.S. interventions in Latin America.
500 B.C.
So far so good.
1899
The United Fruit Company begins its noble quest to spread the love of healthy eating throughout Latin America.
1960
The CIA does a team-building off-site in Ecuador.
1963
The U.S. tries to assassinate Fidel Castro by sending him a box of exploding cigars, following unsuccessful attempts using a snake in a can and shocking gum.
1983
Ronald Reagan turns the small island nation of Grenada into a perennial pub trivia answer.
1987
Belize continues to hope the U.S. doesn’t really notice it’s there.
2003
Details to be declassified in 2053.
2017
“Despacito” is remixed by Justin Bieber.
2024
Linzie’s bachelorette party seizes violent control of the Hilton Tulum Riviera Maya all-inclusive resort.
White House deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller has been the force behind many of President Trump’s hard-line policies, including a “zero tolerance” immigration system, the Muslim ban, and, most recently, threats to annex Greenland. The Onion sat down with the “America First” policymaker to discuss his time in the administration.
The Onion : How do you approach immigration policy?
Miller: Erect.
In 2025, 32 people died in ICE custody. How does that make you feel?
Heartbroken over the thousands still breathing.
Have you ever met an actual immigrant?
Of course. Many are still alive when I clean out the traps.
Your own family members have condemned you for your role in the Trump administration. Have you tried to make amends?
They’re the descendants of immigrants. Who cares what they think?
You’ve stated that Trump has “plenary authority.” What did you mean by that?
I was told there’d be softball questions like “What’s the most inferior race?” or “What’s your favorite genocide technique?”
What would you say to those who call you a white supremacist?
Thank you.
How does it feel to know that any of your colleagues would gladly gut you if it meant just a bit more power?
Oh, we gut each other all the time. A knife in the stomach was how I knew I’d earned Susie Wiles’ respect.
WASHINGTON—Circulating a new advisory that highlighted what it called the “worst of the worst,” the Department of Homeland Security released a watchlist Friday warning Americans about the presence of mothers driving cars. “Please be on the lookout for the following mothers, who are confirmed to be in possession of dangerous vehicles and should be met with extreme caution,” said DHS Secretary Kristi Noem, who stressed that the women on the list were known caregivers operating inside the United States and cited intelligence gathered by the Department of Justice, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and local Parent Teacher Associations. “If you see a minivan with a ‘Baby on board’ sticker, do not engage—many of these women are armed with juice boxes and will not hesitate to use a wet wipe on your face. Maintain a safe distance from any compact SUVs playing Bluey on their entertainment systems. The DOJ has opened an anonymous tip line for reporting any sightings of a car seat in your area.” Noem also warned the public to avoid locations where the exceedingly nurturing individuals were known to congregate, like the school pickup line around 3 p.m.
NOAA officials said the buoy, which records wave height, wind speed and temperature, floated away from where it's normally stationed at the East Flower Garden Bank, about 119 miles south of the Texas and Louisiana border.
I went to an interview at an event planning company I have wanted to work at for a long time. The first interview was successful and I got along with the group of managers really well. They gave me an assignment to do and, after I did that, they happily invited me to return for a follow-up interview, this time with only one of the managers. We got along so well, and I was told I did very well on the assignment.
Near the end of the interview, the manager told me to wait a minute and she left and then came back and offered me the job. I was super ecstatic, and we started chatting about getting to know each other more when I start. She mentioned that she did a check of my socials and saw that I love dogs and she talked about her own dogs. We also talked about which concerts we had been to, as I had many pictures of me at concerts on my pages. At the end, she got a little too comfortable in my opinion and mentioned that she had done a boudoir shoot with the same company that I did mine with. At that point, I remembered that I had my boudoir pictures on social media.
After I left the interview, I was a tad bit embarrassed that my new manager saw me in such a state of undress. I’m obviously at fault for them seeing it, but I’m wondering if you think this is a major red flag for me working there? It seems as if she didn’t mean any offense by it and was just very friendly and chatting with me. She also didn’t say it was a bad thing and, hey, I got the job and at least I had a bra and underwear on and wasn’t nude! I’ve always wanted to work there and I am not sure if I am overthinking this or not?
Oh noooo. Yeah, “I saw your boudoir shots” is not what you want to hear from the person who just offered you job. But “I did my own with the same company” actually does make it less creepy … it’s still boundary-crossing, but it’s a different kind of boundary-crossing. It sounds like she thinks the two of you have a lot in common and maybe lost sight of appropriate professional boundaries in the moment. There’s no guarantee that she won’t continue to do that once you’re working there, but it’s also possible that she just got too comfortable with you.
“Too comfortable with you” can still be a bad thing, of course! But if everything else was good, I wouldn’t let this be the reason you don’t take the job (although I’d go into prepared to be thoughtful about what boundaries you want to keep up so that you can actively enforce them rather than going with the flow without thinking about it, and then realizing too late that conversation wandered into a play you’d rather it not have gone).
2. What to do about serious problems you never see firsthand
We are an educational institution, and I am in support/professional development. We have several classrooms where teachers are concerning, but when I or the directors or anybody is in for an observation, they are fine or good-enough, and I document they are doing what they are supposed to. But when I meet with other staff, they say it stops as soon as the observer is out of the room — and that if no one is in observing, the teacher is more abrupt with children, lets frustration show, doesn’t use the appropriate nurturing language, and lots of specific practices around interactions with children that we expect are not happening. A teacher said to me about another teacher we’ve been working with, “I guess it’s a little better, but they still have bad days, and I’ve heard from other teachers it’s worse when I’m not here (when it is just that staff and the assistant).” I asked the supervisor if those specific behaviors had been directly addressed with that teacher and their response was, “Well, we haven’t seen it.” The supervisors will also say, “The other staff need to let us know. We can’t do anything if we don’t know.” But there is a dynamic of staff going to leadership with concerns and feeling like they were not heard and nothing was done.
Morale is tanking in some of these rooms, and we’ve lost teachers. When people see that others are not held accountable, it is hard on everyone. I think staff don’t feel trusted, because their word that someone is problematic is not good enough. I understand the impulse to not go by rumor or hearsay; everyone needs due process, and we can’t really set up cameras to see what is going on when no one else is there, and lurking in the doorway and trying to watch when they don’t know isn’t going to do it either. What can I tell directors about how to deal with this? They acknowledge there is a problem, but act like they are helpless unless they see it themselves, but also don’t really go out of their way to see what is really happening.
Well, that’s wildly problematic! I don’t know how schools typically deal with these issues, but I can tell you how I’d deal with it as manager in a different environment and maybe something here will be applicable. If I was getting secondhand reports about serious concerns with an employee’s performance and that they were deliberately altering their behavior when I was observing, I’d do a few things. First, I’d find ways to observe for longer periods. For example, if I was hearing reports like this about a trainer — probably the closest comparable situation — I might even take a laptop into their training room and work from there for a few days. Second, I’d talk with people who were seeing it firsthand — which in this case presumably means teaching assistants and the students themselves. If enough people are reporting a behavior, and especially when you know those people to be generally credible, there’s a point where you don’t need to see it firsthand; the pattern of reports is enough in itself. Third, I’d talk directly with the employee questions, tell them forthrightly what concerns have been reported, and tell them that we need to work together to resolve those concerns, and that I was going to be spot-checking with others who observe their work — because at some point, the perception itself is a problem, totally aside from the rest of it.
I’m concerned that your colleagues are so willing to wash their hands of dealing with what sound like truly serious issues (and ones involving kids?!) just because they’re not witnessing the behavior firsthand. If they heard a teacher was, I don’t know, slapping kids, would they say they couldn’t do anything about it because they didn’t see it happen? Presumably not. They need to bring similar urgency to this too.
3. Foster care and parental leave
My workplace offers five weeks of parental leave, which includes birth of a baby, adoption, or the placement of a foster child.
I cannot have biological children, but I am about to be licensed to be a foster parent with the goal of caring for a teenager. When I receive my first foster placement, would it be unethical to take parental leave? I’d like to use the full benefits that are available to me as an employee, but I also don’t want to be unreasonable: I won’t have a baby at home, and for that reason won’t “need” the leave in the same way as others. But, it’s a big life transition. I almost wish I could split it up and use it for court dates, appointments, etc., but that’s not an option — the leave must be taken in one chunk and it can be taken a maximum of once per year.
Another consideration is that I won’t have months of pregnancy and a due date to tell my boss, make arrangements, etc. Once I’m licensed, I have no idea how long I’ll wait before getting a call, and I could find out hours before that a placement is happening. If I choose to take parental leave, how do I navigate this conversation with my manager and HR? What can I be doing now to prepare?
Yay to fostering teenagers! There is a massive, massive need.
You should absolutely use the leave when you get the placement. The policy explicitly allows it; you’re not doing anything wrong or anything that the policy didn’t explicitly envision. And there is a ton of work in the beginning of a placement, as well as just lots of connection-building to do (so even if you’re not actively caring for him or her every hour of the day like with a baby, being around and available is very helpful). You should also look into FMLA, because it also covers the placement of a foster child, and it can be taken intermittently and specifically includes court dates, appointments, etc.
As for what to say to your boss and HR: “I am in the process of being approved to foster a child. The timing is somewhat up in the air, but it could be any time after X. When I do get a placement, my plan is to take parental leave per our policy. So I wanted to talk with you about logistics and what I should be doing to prepare now, since I might not have a lot of advance notice when it happens.”
4. Can I ask if my department is going to be dissolved?
My department was just subsumed by a larger department, which has negative implications for our entire team’s titles. We are pretty niche, and I am worried the ultimate goal is to just slowly get rid of us completely, with our work being absorbed by the larger department. Can I just … ask? My manager’s manager reportedly made a comment to my manager at one point implying that our department might not need to exist forever.
I really love my job, and I have had a lot of professional success recently. I cannot help but worry that the recently merged organization no longer places much value in our work, so that success will not protect me if they don’t feel it serves their business needs. I am kicking myself for being too specialized at this point. I don’t know if they would be honest if I do ask, and I worry that asking makes it obvious I am going to be looking if I don’t get reassurance. Don’t ask, right?
You can ask, but if you hear “no, we’re not going anywhere,” you can’t place any real weight on it. For one thing, if there <are plans to cut your team, your manager may not even know that right now. For another if they do know, they might not be allowed to tell you (that’s highly likely, in fact). You can still ask, because you might hear something useful (like that she’s worried about that too) that confirms your worries, but you’ve got to go into knowing that you can’t take anything you hear as negating your worries (unless it’s something really clear and unusual, like they have specific plans to expand and support your work). In other words, either way you should probably be thinking about next steps.
AUSTIN, TX – World’s richest man Elon Musk has achieved another lifelong milestone goal, this time training his artificial intelligence program Grok to make it easier than ever for users to create images of illegal underage pornography. “Look, uh, we all know that advancement in internet computing is driven by porn, particularly really creepy porn,” […]
“Between the end of World War II and the decision in 1961 to locate the headquarters of NASA here, Houston transformed from Magnolia City into Space City. The population more than doubled, the economic and social realms altered radically and the city moved from regional hub to international metropolis. The influx of new people, new fortunes, and new influences had their impact on all aspects of the city including the arts.
Houston’s population grew by more than 150% from 1940-1960. The chemical and oil/gas industries grew exponentially. Houston transforming from a regional to an international city. The arts, building on the foundation of pre-WWII, exploded with activity, based on new participants coming in and ever-increasing exposure to the national and international art worlds. Racial integration of the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston (MFAH), and some other Houston organizations. The Ludwig Mies van der Rohe addition to MFAH 1953. Federation of the Arts, April 1957 in Houston – where Marcel Duchamp delivered his lecture “The Creative Act.” In 1959, Houston gallerist Meredith Long took Texas artists (Jack Boynton, Paul Maxwell, Dan Wingren) all the way to Paris in an exhibition at Galerie du Colisee.
“Funeral for a Tree, Steve Parker’s second solo exhibition at Ivester Contemporary, is a requiem that a live oak performs for itself. When a 65-year-old tree in Parker’s front yard died of oak wilt, he cut the trunk into ‘wood cookies’ and transformed them into playable records, each encoded with migratory birdsong from species that roosted in the tree across its lifetime. Sheng virtuoso Jipo Yang interprets these songs on the sheng — a Chinese mouth organ associated with rebirth and the phoenix — which appears throughout the exhibition in multiple forms.
Across the gallery, the records spin on a custom wooden turntable, while ventilators and CPAP machines give breath to discarded shengs sourced from Taipei flea markets, sounding a slow memorial dirge. The project emerged from Parker’s recognition that his grief for the tree echoed the loss of his father to cancer — both slow, inevitable declines where care could not prevent loss. As the wood cookies dry and check, their audio fades and distorts, static and loss accumulating like a memory changing over time. The installation also includes abstracted turntables fitted with horn drivers, a live-oak branch driven by a camshaft that slowly unfurls to brush a wind chime, and a large bass drum heaped with wood shavings that tremble to birdsong.”
A work by Tyson Shepherd included in “Quiet and Secretly Afraid” at Ro2 Art
“In Tyson Shepherd’s exhibition Quiet and Secretly Afraid, a powerful series of acrylic paintings pulls together memory, personal myth, and pop iconography into charged, cinematic scenes. Saturated color, sharp contrast, and highly rendered figures create a visual language that feels both exuberant and uneasy. Youthful imagery collides with darker truths; cartoonish gestures share space with portraits that carry the weight of history and reputation. The paintings function as narratives unfolding in slow motion — part confession, part confrontation — as reflections of our inner child meet the realities of a fractured world. Viewers are asked to stay inside that discomfort long enough to recognize themselves.”
Sarah Fox, “You Are Not Alone”, 2025, ink, acrylic, oil, and embroidery on cotton and linen
“Sarah Fox’s multimedia narratives and characters emerge from embodied experiences of women and femme-read bodies. Her stories of life, loss, sex, and love are carried by archetypal hybrid beings that subvert and expand normative notions of femininity. Drawing from folklore, religion, film, pop culture, erotic art, and literature, the artist reveals feminist counter-narratives — figures who defy hegemonic gender systems and resist patriarchal modes of representation. These stories are often reinterpreted through puppets and animation, which serve as surrogate storytellers in her work.
At the core of her practice is the body — particularly the feminized body — as a political territory, a contested site of projection and rejection, of control and rebellion. Bodies that are read as “too much” — too old, too sexual, too beautiful, too powerful, too autonomous, or simply not functioning the way they are “supposed to” — are quickly cast as deviant, as monstrous in patriarchal narratives. Witches, sirens, fairies, harpies, banshees, monsters — these are not merely mythical figures but manifestations of a misogynistic fear of female autonomy and power. Through a visual language that spans diverse media, Fox explores the figure of the vilified, exiled, or subversive woman as a site of ambiguity, resistance, and transformative power. Her work stands as a reclamation of bodies and stories that have long been silenced, suppressed, or demonized.”
An installation view of “$#%& Show (Or, Stuff I Made Today)” at 5&J Gallery
“The $#%* Show (also known as Stuff I Made Today or the Shit Show LBK) returns for its 2026 edition at 5&J Gallery, the Charles Adams Studio Project (CASP), bringing together 30 artists for the time-constrained exhibition that has become a Lubbock tradition. Since 2014, the $#%* Show has challenged artists to create, install, and light new work based on a (surprise!) given material or theme within a 24-hour window before the exhibition opens. Past themes have included The Year 2050, cats and dogs, randomly selected objects in banker boxes, ring, leisure, found art, clothing, and cardboard.
This year’s participating artists include: Dirk Fowler, Ryder Richards, Carol Flueckiger, Jon Whitfill, Chad Plunket, Jesse Whitley, Maisie Alford, Nathalie Lawrence, Mallory Prucha, Brad Carlson, Zach Morriss, Jimmy Peterson, Miles Walker, Eli Ragland, Albert Hernandez, Avery Bonnette, Kegan Hollis, Oscar Cain, Megan Moore, Kara Speedy, Amanda Sneed, Jackson Fowler, John Chinn, Cody Arnall, Harrison Brooks, Ashley Busby, Dyson Fowler, Josue Galvan, Madison Hebert, and Scotty Hensler. Shit Show founder Hannah Dean and national Rabkin Prize for Art Criticism winner Christina Rees co-curated this show for their fourth annual collaboration.”
In brief: Today’s post discusses the possibility of thunderstorms with a front on Friday night, folllowed by a cooldown that will stick around for awhile. Winter, it seems, really might be here. Also, start line conditions for the Houston Marathon are the best I can recall.
Storms possible Friday night?
Houston’s weather has been mostly calm for awhile now, beyond the very warm conditions we have experienced since early December. However there is a slight chance of some severe weather on Friday night as a fairly robust cold front passes through. We will have a decent amount of shear available, but I just don’t think the overall background conditions will favor widespread, severe weather. So yes, some scattered thunderstorms are likely on Friday night (perhaps around midnight in central Houston), but I don’t expect much more than that.
Severe weather outlook for Friday and Friday night. (NOAA)
Thursday
We’re experiencing less fog this morning across the region, and that’s largely due to more pronounced southerly winds. They’re currently blowing at 10 to 15 mph, and we may see some stronger gusts up to 30 mph this afternoon. Skies will be mostly cloudy, but since the air mass moving in from the south will be warm and muggy, I still expect some parts of our area to hit 80 degrees. A few scattered, and light showers will also be possible today. Lows tonight will be very warm for January, in the upper 60s.
Friday
Rain chances improve on Friday, likely to about 60 percent for most locations. We will probably see scattered showers during the daytime. It is possible that a more organized line of showers and thunderstorms will develop later on Friday evening, and pass through Houston during the overnight hours. We’ll see. Regardless, temperatures on Friday will be warm and muggy, likely pushing 80 degrees. By Saturday morning we should be in the mid-50s, with much drier air moving in.
Saturday
This will be a breezy, and much cooler day with temperatures reaching only about 60 degrees during the afternoon. Skies will be mostly cloudy as well, adding to the chill feeling. A chance of showers may linger during the morning hours. Gusty winds from the north may reach 25 mph, or perhaps even a bit higher, before calming some Saturday night. Lows will drop into the mid-40s in Houston, with cooler conditions for outlying areas.
Air temperature forecast for the start of the Houston Marathon. (Weather Bell)
Sunday
I was chatting yesterday with a friend and fellow runner, and we agreed that conditions for the Houston Marathon are the best they’ve been in memory. Start-line temperatures will be in the 40s, with a modest northerly wind (probably 10 mph). Humidity will be very low, with partly to mostly cloudy skies. Rain should not be a factor. And temperatures by late morning likely will still only be in the 50s. So now is the time to go for those personal records!
Anyway, for non-runners, we can expect highs by Sunday afternoon to reach about 60 degrees. Sunday night will be quite cold, with lows in Houston dropping to 40 degrees, with mid- to upper-30s for outlying areas. Far inland locations, such as College Station, Huntsville, and elsewhere may see a light freeze.
Low temperature forecast for Monday morning. (Weather Bell)
Next week
Winter should stick around through next week, with highs mostly in the 60s, and lows in the 40s. We may see some rain chances on Tuesday or Wednesday as a reinforcing front moves through, and then again next weekend. The details, as always, are fuzzy at such a distance.
It seems that some of the apes have been saying, well, you haven’t actually made any law, per se. And, well, some of them are contending that perhaps you aren’t really the Lawgiver.
To Glenn, I am sure the UK’s passenger ferries seem as exotic as New Zealand’s eel café seems to we British. Have we discussed the eel café before? It is my hope that eventually Solver will visit NZ, but I fear I may have to bodily travel there to capture the “vibe”.
“Federal and local officials dispute the circumstances that led an Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer to fatally shoot a 37-year-old woman in Minneapolis on Wednesday.” — NPR
- - -
You think you’re watching a woman being shot in the face by an ICE agent, but what you’re really watching is a woman trying to run an ICE agent over and the agent firing at her in self-defense.
You think you’re watching an ICE agent walk up to a woman’s car asking her to leave, which she does, but what you’re really watching is a woman turn her car around and try to run the agent over.
You think you’re watching a woman drive away with an ICE agent following, then shooting her four times in the face, but what you’re really watching is an ICE agent in fear of his life and acting in self-defense.
You think you’re watching a video shot by a bystander who screams at the ICE agent, “Oh my God, oh my God, oh fuck, oh fuck, what did you do?!” But you’re really watching the bystander scream at the woman for trying to run over the ICE agent.
You think you’re watching a woman drive away when asked, but what you’re really watching is the woman attempting to run over all the ICE agents while they try to free their vehicles stuck in the snow.
You think you’re watching an ICE agent murder an innocent woman, but what you’re really watching is a federal agent being the victim of a domestic terrorist.
You think you’re watching a woman who’s been shot four times in the face lying dead on the front seat of her car, but what you’re really watching is the ICE agent alive and well after the “disorderly” woman hit him with her vehicle.
You think you’re watching an innocent woman being shot and killed by an ICE agent, but what you’re really watching is the radical left threatening, assaulting, and targeting law enforcement officers and ICE agents daily, who are just trying to do the job of making America safe.
You think you’re watching an innocent woman being shot and killed in cold blood by the federal government, but what you’re really watching is the death of the United States of America.
WASHINGTON—Claiming that most people only get a fraction of the benefits the “nutritional gold mine” has to offer, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. issued new dietary guidelines this week encouraging Americans to drink anything that comes out of a cow. “While milk is already an established part of many American diets, it’s really only the tip of the iceberg where health-enhancing cow-based liquids are concerned,” said Kennedy, who remarked that substances ranging from cow pus and sweat to cow bile and amniotic fluid were all associated with better health outcomes in those who imbibed them. “Drinking these things straight from the cow means you’re not losing any of their beneficial properties to pasteurization, so I urge all Americans to get out in the field and start sucking ASAP. It can be the front of the cow, the back, the middle, doesn’t matter. Any opening you can get your lips around is going to leak something that does wonders for your body, be it an orifice or an open wound. And if it’s too thick to drink, just lick it, or try spreading it on toast.” At press time, Kennedy had reportedly been placed on an intravenous drip of bovine cerebrospinal fluid after unwittingly drinking from a cow that had been vaccinated.
WASHINGTON—Claiming that the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent who fatally shot 37-year-old Minneapolis resident Renee Good as she drove away from him was “fully justified,” Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem warned Thursday that any action taken by Americans would be treated as domestic terrorism. “Make no mistake: Anything and everything Americans do, from the second they wake up to the second they fall asleep, will be treated as a national security threat and dealt with accordingly,” said Noem, who added that even seemingly trivial activities like picking up groceries, calling friends on the phone, or sneezing would warrant the use of lethal force by a federal agent. “To any U.S. resident currently considering leaving your house, walking down the street, breathing, or hugging your loved ones, you have been warned. We will find you. And we will kill you.” Noem added that she had formally charged over 340 Americans with acts of domestic terrorism for engaging in the act of being born.
President Donald Trump has made a number of claims about the future of Venezuela since U.S. special forces raided the country and captured President Nicolás Maduro and his wife. The Onion assesses the veracity of the president’s statements.
Claim: The U.S. attacked Venezuela for its oil.
Partially True: Also for bloodlust.
Claim: Venezuela stole oil from the U.S.
False: The beauty of petrochemicals belongs to all of us.
Claim: Controlling Venezuela’s oil reserves will make the U.S. a lot of money.
True: The billionaires who will benefit from this are technically part of the U.S.
Claim: Venezuela is full of murderers and kidnappers.
False: All members of U.S. Delta Force have returned home.
Claim: Venezuela sent people to participate in gang violence in America.
False: Major League Baseball is not considered a gang.
Claim: Venezuela is solely responsible for America’s fentanyl crisis.
False: This erases decades of hard work and dedication by the Sackler family.
Claim: The strikes and Maduro’s capture are legal and justified under U.S. law.
False, but give the Supreme Court a few days.
Claim: Maduro will be given a fair and speedy trial.
The United Kingdom banned junk food advertisements on television before 9 p.m. and at any time online, part of a drive to tackle childhood obesity. What do you think?
“Please, the British word for childhood obesity is ‘totty flabbers.’”
Stefan Hach, Baby Swaddler
“British children need nourishing food like sausages and fried potatoes.”
Mathias Adler, Unemployed
“Sad to think an entire generation of children will never sexually imprint on Chester Cheetah.”
“Say what you want about Bush-Cheney, but they put some effort into tricking us.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) dive into the chaos and confusion of Trump’s decision to attack Venezuela and kidnap its leader, including the “problematic” legal precedent it sets, what it means for other countries subject […]
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — While details surrounding the shooting death of Renee Nicole Good, 37, in Minneapolis yesterday are still emerging, one fact is certain: the ICE agent who pulled the trigger will face consequences, up to and including the jealousy of his coworkers. “Man, he’s so lucky! That was some straight-up GTA V shit,” said […]
