ITHACA, NY—Revealing the bird species has the capacity to detect botox, fillers, and even laser hair removal, a study published Thursday in the Journal Of Avian Biology found that crows are able to recognize faces that have had work done. “It’s clear from observational data that crows have a keen ability to not only detect, but remember faces that have gone under the knife,” said study co-author Susannah Yarkin of the Cornell Ornithology Lab, explaining that even the most minute differences in the fullness of lips or prominence of wrinkles are perceptible to a crow because the region of its brain associated with cattiness is so highly developed. “These birds are far more social than you might expect and appear to inform other crows which humans have gotten a chin augmentation or a brow lift so members of their flock will know who didn’t feel comfortable with their natural features. It doesn’t matter how good a new nose is, the exceptional visual range of crows allows them to spot a rhinoplasty from 500 meters overhead.” Yarkin added that there are documented instances of crows bonding with cosmetic surgery recipients by gifting them syringes full of Juvéderm.
WASHINGTON—Calling the discovery the “clearest proof yet” of how the U.S. government was originally designed to function, archaeologists published new evidence Thursday that suggests the Capitol building in Washington, D.C., may have once been used for legislating.
In their academic paper, the researchers wrote that the sprawling, 540-room marble complex contained conclusive proof that a distinct political entity known as “the legislative branch” once existed specifically to serve the American people. The site, located on Capitol Hill, was reportedly used for centuries as a place to pass laws, uphold the U.S. Constitution, and represent the interests of voters.
“Thanks to our latest findings, we now know that early citizens of the United States had a more nuanced system of government than previously thought,” said Professor Lee Somers, director of the site excavation, who added that the 1.5-million-square-foot building was used for over 200 years as a hub of American democracy until the experiment was ultimately abandoned. “While we previously believed the legislative branch was largely a symbolic office, artifacts within the rotunda, basement, and chambers show that it was at one point a legitimate part of the government that decided how federal money was spent, when tariffs should be imposed, how to regulate commerce, and when to declare war.”
“Walking through the empty halls, you can almost feel the spirits of elected officials who were willing to fight for millions of everyday Americans,” Somers added. “But that was many years ago.”
Using a combination of lidar, traditional excavation techniques, and ancient maps of Washington, D.C., as a guide, the archaeologists confirmed they were able to enter the Statuary Hall, pass through several empty offices, and explore the House and Senate floors where men and women once enacted meaningful legislation to defend constitutional rights such as the freedoms of speech, religion, and assembly.
Once inside, the researchers said, they were able to identify dozens of historically significant artifacts, including bills, lecterns, and gavels dating back to the first-ever Congress.
The team described a moment of elation when they found a perfectly preserved shred of paper that read “all legislative Powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States,” which they said was a critical piece of evidence linking the legislative branch to the U.S. Constitution.
“For so long, we thought this kind of government structure only existed abroad,” said Somers, adding that archaeologists were stunned to find that the legislative branch was once part of a sophisticated system of “check and balances.” “We’d expect to find something like it in Athens or Rome. But we were shocked to learn that elected officials once stood within these halls to champion the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act, as well as the Thirteenth Amendment, and it all happened right in our backyard.”
“Yes, it was primitive, but it was still a democracy,” Somers continued. “Until, of course, it wasn’t.”
The archaeologists confirmed plans to work with an architectural firm and local residents to preserve the excavation site and convert it into an exhibition about the last vestiges of democracy in the United States.
“I’ve lived here my whole life, and I had no idea what this building was,” D.C. resident Tonya Schmidt said. “I always thought it was a bank or something. I can’t wait to go inside and see what an effective form of representation actually looked like.”
“I’m so excited archaeologists came here,” she added. “Who knows what lost branches of government we’ll discover next.”
MILL VALLEY, CA—Having proudly removed the piece of shriveled penile flesh from its bag and laid it next to her large selection of craft supplies, local mother Emily Taylor spent the afternoon scrapbooking her son’s foreskin, wincing sources reported Tuesday. According to witnesses, the foreskin, which had belonged to her 6-day-old infant son before being snipped off the tip of his penis with surgical scissors, was saved, preserved, and then attached by Taylor to an ornately decorated page titled “Special Memories.” Despite multiple sources confirming that Taylor’s baby in no way enjoyed the procedure, and in fact sobbed and cried through the entire circumcision, his mother was reportedly undeterred and proceeded to cover the memento in heart stickers, glitter, and smiley faces before excitedly telling her husband that their son would ‘love this one day.’ At press time, Taylor was said to be celebrating the foreskin’s placement in her baby’s scrapbook with a large bite of raw placenta she had been saving in the fridge.
This charming property offers the perfect blend of comfort and convenience, which is exactly why it’s going to be purchased by the world’s largest asset manager. Good luck! Maybe they’ll rent it to you.
“The work ahead will focus on partnering with district leadership to strengthen academics and keep Connally ISD students, teachers and staff at the center of every decision,” Kim said.
MAR-A-LAGO, FL – Following the shooting death of a Minneapolis woman at the hands of ICE agents, President Donald Trump is ordering Americans to “hurry the fuck up” descending into a nationwide conflict that tears the country apart. “It’s been 3 whole days, what the hell are you idiots all waiting for? Start shooting each […]
TORONTO – After Toronto Sun journalist Bryan Passifiume wrote a controversial post on X celebrating the murder of Renee Nicole Good by ICE, the Sun’s Editor-in-Chief responded to the backlash by promoting him to CEO of the publication. “We are so proud to have such a shining example of the type of journalist and human […]
Old Stoneface disappoints. Dean is a classic old man before his time. When I was a student, there were a few of these entities. We all know one or two of them. They seemed old when they were 21, but as they get older, they simply become more themselves. And more you becomes you! But look at all those new friends at the bus stop! Hopefully, eventually we’ll get to meet them all.
CHICAGO—Pleading with fans to rein in their excitement during Saturday’s pivotal wild card matchup, Chicago Bears quarterback Caleb Williams was reportedly forced to signal the boisterous home crowd at Soldier Field to eat less loudly. “The way these rowdy Bears fans are chewing, smacking their lips, and grunting as they ravenously scarf down hot dogs, I can’t even hear myself think,” said Williams, who was unable to communicate his play call and forced to burn a timeout due to the deafening cacophony of 62,000 people devouring nachos, chicken tenders, and pizza. “I mean, between what our fans and the visiting Green Bay faithful are doing to those Polish sausages, my in-helmet radio is pretty much useless right now. And the way they [inaudible] doesn’t even [inaudible] without at least a [inaudible]. Jesus Christ, that’s the biggest RC Cola I’ve ever seen.” At press time, the Bears received a delay of game penalty after thousands of crumpled Portillo’s wrappers had drifted onto the field.
The Houston-based restaurant enterprise has argued the city did not follow state procurement law when it awarded a 10-year, $470 million contract to a competitor in 2023.
The LGBTQ+ Pride organization says this is the first time in its 48 years that the parade will kick off Pride Month instead of being held toward the end of June.
Tune, who earned a master's degree from UH in the 1960s, has won nine Tony Awards throughout his career for his performance, direction and choreography.
The letter, circulated by a coalition of religious freedom organizations, comes less than two months before a deadline for public school boards and charter school governing bodies to vote on whether to adopt such policies, as mandated by Senate Bill 11, passed last year.
Wienerschnitzel has a complicated relationship with the Houston area. They arrived here in 1966, only five years after the chain was established in California. They were here consistently from the 60s to 1984, and other than a few co-branding attempts, didn’t attempt a return until 2019. When the first new location opened in New Caney, the franchisees had ambitious plans to build out 32 locations across the area over the next 15 years. We’re now ...
Waco’s health care system has a lot at stake this week in the Congressional effort to extend Affordable Care Act premium subsidies that lapsed at the end of 2025. The U.S. House of Representatives voted 230-196 on Thursday to extend the subsidies, with 17 Republicans joining Democrats to move forward over the objections of Speaker […]
Witnesses provided harrowing accounts of the Robb Elementary shooting, detailing the lockdown procedures and efforts to protect students while waiting for police intervention.
In brief: Scattered showers and thunderstorms are likely today, with a couple storms possibly becoming a little on the stronger to severe side. Cooler air follows this weekend, along with breezy conditions again. Temps stay more seasonable into next week.
Today & Saturday
The area is highlighted in a marginal (1/5) and slight (2/5) risk for severe storms today, with the higher risks the farther north you go.
A slight risk (2/5) for severe storms is in place in the northern parts of the Houston area, with slightly lesser severe risks as you go south. (NOAA SPC)
Today’s severe threat is not a slam dunk case but rather somewhat of a conditional case. In other words, not everyone is going to see severe weather, but if the right set of circumstances can come together, we will see a couple severe storms, particularly north of Houston. All severe modes are on the table today, but gusty winds and potential hail seem like the higher risks. The tornado risk has been highlighted more into northern Louisiana.
Look for scattered showers to pop up over the next few hours this morning. Round one of storms would potentially occur between about 11 AM and 4 PM with isolated storms lifting northward from Harris County or Waller County into Grimes, Montgomery, Walker, Liberty, and San Jacinto Counties. Those are the storms that could turn strong to severe in a couple locations. Things should quiet down before a broken line of thunderstorms moves across the entire region this evening, probably before midnight. With those storms, we don’t expect severe weather but we will probably see some gusty winds and lightning. Also, given that it’s a broken line of storms, some of you may not see anything at all. Let’s hope most of us get a little rain today, as we need it!
Breezy conditions tonight and Saturday morning with gusts of 30 mph. Even a couple 35-40 mph are possible. (Pivotal Weather)
It’ll turn breezy tonight behind that front. The winds may lag the line of storms by a few hours, but by Saturday morning we should see 30-35 mph wind gusts across most of the area. A few 40 mph gusts are possible Saturday with the initial onset of winds. Winds should slow down a bit in the afternoon and evening.
Otherwise, expect cooler temperatures. After mid to upper 70s today, we’ll drop into the 60s tonight and 50s for most of tomorrow.
Sunday’s Houston Marathon
For those of you all running the Houston Marathon (good luck, Eric!!), your race time forecast is temperatures around 42 to 45 degrees at 7 AM, warming to 52 to 55 degrees by midday. Temps may be slower to warm up if cloud cover sticks around too, which is a distinct possibility at this time. Winds should be out of the north around 5 to 8 mph, with perhaps a couple of gusts up to 10 to 15 mph. I am guessing that miles 12 to 18 could be mildly irritating with the wind in your face much of the time. But thankfully it should not be too terribly strong.
Rest of Sunday and next week
No serious weather concerns will be with us into next week. It looks like we’ll see temperatures a bit more seasonable as well. Highs will generally be in the 60s. We could see lows in the 30s on Monday morning, but aside from that, we’ll probably see mostly 40s for lows.
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