In brief: A winter storm may bring some minor snow accumulations to rather far south latitudes this weekend, including perhaps all the way to northern Florida. That will be followed by some cold and the potential for some healthy cold later next week in the North. In addition, we’re going to see some wild winds in the Plains, and we’re also actually looking at the Eastern Pacific for possible tropical development.
Hello after a bit of a hiatus! Let’s get into some winter.
As this week has progressed, we’ve begun to see the beginnings of a pattern change, starting with a pretty potent upper level trough of low pressure digging into the Eastern U.S., deep into the Southeast. Low temperatures tonight are expected to be in the 20s in the Florida Panhandle and 30s down to Tampa and Orlando.
Morning lows on Friday are forecast to be quite chilly in Florida. (Pivotal Weather)
After a brief push of moderation, the weather will again turn colder this weekend as a very sharp disturbance within the trough carves out near Texas and Louisiana and pushes east off the East Coast. As this happens, a shield of rain is going to develop off the Texas and western Louisiana coasts in the Gulf and rocket east northeast. Because the trough is so deep, the storm track will be somewhat suppressed, meaning any low pressure that forms will be off the South Carolina or Georgia coasts.
A potent disturbance will swing through the Southeast this weekend bringing a chance of rain and mixed rain and snow to places that are not accustomed to seeing much of that! (Pivotal Weather)
With cold air moving back in place on the backside of this storm, it seems possible, if not likely that rain will mix with or change to snow over parts of the Southeast. While this probably won’t be a major snowstorm, the prospect of a few inches of snow in some parts of the Southeast, say from the Florida Panhandle, across south Georgia, into South Carolina is definitely interesting!
(NWS Charleston)
The area most likely to see something on the order of 1 to maybe up to 3 inches of snow is likely from north of Tallahassee through Valdosta into maybe Augusta and Columbia, SC. Current snow forecasts are not exactly major through 7 AM on Sunday, but it’s something! Keep posted to your local forecasts in the South for more over the next couple days.
Current snow forecasts through Sunday morning 7 AM. (NWS Atlanta)
Let’s welcome winter back to the Southeast after what has been a rather lengthy stretch of mostly mild, at times record warm weather.
Winter is likely to stick around a bit. While the South may see more variability at times, the Midwest is likely going to see some legitimate cold coming. The CPC has highlighted the Dakotas, Minnesota, the Wisconsin Northwoods, and the U.P. of Michigan for “much below normal” cold Jan 24-26.
The 8-14 day hazards outlook is now highlighting cold risk in the North beginning late next week. (NOAA CPC)
The pattern does indeed look healthy for cold, legitimate cold in some places, particularly the Upper Midwest and Great Lakes. Meanwhile, how far east and south will it get? That’s more of an open question. The same 8-to-14-day outlook shows high confidence cold in the North and moderate confidence for more warm weather in the South.
Warm South, cold North, same as it ever was? (NOAA CPC)
Over the last 30 days, record highs have outpaced record lows by a 29:1 margin (5,210 to 181). Much of that is due to a very warm South and West late last month and a very warm start to 2026 nationally.
Jan 1-12 temperature anomalies across the country have skewed extremely warm. (NOAA PSL)
The next week or two will erase a good bit of that warmth out of there, but we’ll see if that includes the South.
Windy Plains!
Elsewhere, the main weather story the rest of this week will be winds on Friday in the Plains and northern Rockies, with wind gusts perhaps as high as 75 to 80 mph in parts of South Dakota. This will lead to all sorts of issues in that area, including some higher fire risk.
(NWS Rapid CIty)
Winds peak Friday morning.
Slight chance at an Eastern Pacific tropical system?
Yes, it’s January. Yes, there may actually be a tropical system in the eastern Pacific. Maybe. If you’ve heard about it, it still seems unlikely, but there is some model support for it.
Thunderstorms in the Eastern Pacific may have a very, very slight chance at becoming a tropical system as it moves northwest offshore of Mexico. (Weathernerds.org)
Modeling suggests that as this drifts northwest, it has at least a very, very slight chance at organizing to a point where it could be a weak depression. Water temperatures in this part of the world are much warmer than normal, which won’t hurt. And yes, Google’s Deep Mind model does show a low chance of this happening too. Support is not great by any means, but there’s enough there there that from a purely meteorological curiosity perspective, this will be interesting to monitor.
A few European ensemble and Google Deep Mind ensemble members do show tropical development possibilities in the Eastern Pacific over the next few days. (Google Weather Lab)
The last time we saw a wintertime tropical system in the Central or Eastern Pacific occurred in January of 2016, when Hurricane Pali formed in the Central Pacific, south and west of Hawaii. In the Eastern Pacific, you really need to go back to December of 1983 for this, with Hurricane Winnie that formed south of Mexico, a few hundred miles east of where this disturbance currently is located. Weird? You bet. Not at all normal. In most cases when this happens, it occurs closer to Hawaii or the International Date Line. Another storm in 1922 formed in February somewhere south of here but details are a bit sketchy. Either way, a notable weather item today.
Immigration agents have put civilians’ lives at risk using more than their guns.
An agent in Houston put a teenage citizen into a chokehold, wrapping his arm around the boy’s neck, choking him so hard that his neck had red welts hours later. A black-masked agent in Los Angeles pressed his knee into a woman’s neck while she was handcuffed; she then appeared to pass out. An agent in Massachusetts jabbed his finger and thumb into the neck and arteries of a young father who refused to be separated from his wife and 1-year-old daughter. The man’s eyes rolled back in his head and he started convulsing.
After George Floyd’s murder by a police officer six years ago in Minneapolis — less than a mile from where an Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent shot and killed Renee Good last week — police departments and federal agencies banned chokeholds and other moves that can restrict breathing or blood flow.
But those tactics are back, now at the hands of agents conducting President Donald Trump’s mass deportation campaign.
Examples are scattered across social media. ProPublica found more than 40 cases over the past year of immigration agents using these life-threatening maneuvers on immigrants, citizens and protesters. The agents are usually masked, their identities secret. The government won’t say if any of them have been punished.
In nearly 20 cases, agents appeared to use chokeholds and other neck restraints that the Department of Homeland Security prohibits “unless deadly force is authorized.”
About two dozen videos show officers kneeling on people’s necks or backs or keeping them face down on the ground while already handcuffed. Such tactics are not prohibited outright but are often discouraged, including by federal trainers, in part because using them for a prolonged time risks asphyxiation.
We reviewed footage with a panel of eight former police officers and law enforcement experts. They were appalled.
This is what bad policing looks like, they said. And it puts everyone at risk.
“I arrested dozens upon dozens of drug traffickers, human smugglers, child molesters — some of them will resist,” said Eric Balliet, who spent more than two decades working at Homeland Security Investigations and Border Patrol, including in the first Trump administration. “I don’t remember putting anybody in a chokehold. Period.”
“If this was one of my officers, he or she would be facing discipline,” said Gil Kerlikowske, a longtime police chief in Seattle who also served as Customs and Border Protection commissioner under President Barack Obama. “You have these guys running around in fatigues, with masks, with ‘Police’ on their uniform,” but they aren’t acting like professional police.
Over the past week, the conduct of agents has come under intense scrutiny after an ICE officer in Minneapolis killed Good, a mother of three. The next day, a Border Patrol agent in Portland, Oregon, shot a man and woman in a hospital parking lot.
Top administration officials rushed to defend the officers. Speaking about the agent who shot Good, DHS Secretary Kristi Noem said, “This is an experienced officer who followed his training.”
Officials said the same thing to us after we showed them footage of officers using prohibited chokeholds. Federal agents have “followed their training to use the least amount of force necessary,” department spokesperson Tricia McLaughlin said.
“Officers act heroically to enforce the law and protect American communities,” White House spokesperson Abigail Jackson said.
Both DHS and the White House lauded the “utmost professionalism” of their agents.
Our compilation of incidents is far from complete. Just as the government does not count how often it detains citizens or smashes through vehicle windows during immigration arrests, it does not publicly track how many times agents have choked civilians or otherwise inhibited their breathing or blood flow. We gathered cases by searching legal filings, social media posts and local press reports in English and Spanish.
Given the lack of any count over time, it’s impossible to know for certain how agents’ current use of the banned and dangerous tactics compares with earlier periods.
But former immigration officials told us they rarely heard of such incidents during their long tenures. They also recalled little pushback when DHS formally banned chokeholds and other tactics in 2023; it was merely codifying the norm.
That norm has now been broken.
One of the citizens whom agents put in a chokehold was 16 years old.
American citizen Arnoldo Bazan was hospitalized after being choked and pinned to the ground at a restaurant supply store in Houston during the arrest of his father nearby. Courtesy of the Bazan family
Tenth grader Arnoldo Bazan and his father were getting McDonald’s before school when their car was pulled over by unmarked vehicles. Masked immigration agents started banging on their windows. As Arnoldo’s undocumented father, Arnulfo Bazan Carrillo, drove off, the terrified teenager began filming on his phone. The video shows the agents repeatedly ramming the Bazans’ car during a slow chase through the city.
Bazan Carrillo eventually parked and ran into a restaurant supply store. When Arnoldo saw agents taking his father violently to the ground, Arnoldo went inside too, yelling at the agents to stop.
One agent put Arnoldo in a chokehold while another pressed a knee into his father’s neck. “I was going to school!” the boy pleaded. He said later that when he told the agent he was a citizen and a minor, the agent didn’t stop.
“I started screaming with everything I had, because I couldn’t even breathe,” Arnoldo told ProPublica, showing where the agent’s hands had closed around his throat. “I felt like I was going to pass out and die.”
DHS’ McLaughlin accused Arnoldo’s dad of ramming his car “into a federal law enforcement vehicle,” but he was never charged for that, and the videos we reviewed do not support this claim. Our examination of his criminal history — separate from any immigration violations — found only that Bazan Carrillo pleaded guilty a decade ago to misdemeanor driving while intoxicated.
McLaughlin also said the younger Bazan elbowed an officer in the face as he was detained, which the teen denies. She said that Arnoldo was taken into custody to confirm his identity and make sure he didn’t have any weapons. McLaughlin did not answer whether the agent’s conduct was justified.
Experts who reviewed video of the Bazans’ arrests could make no sense of the agents’ actions.
“Why are you in the middle of a store trying to grab somebody?” said Marc Brown, a former police officer turned instructor who taught ICE and Border Patrol officers at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Centers. “Your arm underneath the neck, like a choking motion? No! The knee on the neck? Absolutely not.”
DHS revamped its training curriculum after George Floyd’s murder to underscore those tactics were out of bounds, Brown said. “DHS specifically was very big on no choking,” he said. “We don’t teach that. They were, like, hardcore against it. They didn’t want to see anything with the word ‘choke.’”
After agents used another banned neck restraint — a carotid hold — a man started convulsing and passed out.
Officers used a carotid hold on Carlos Sebastian Zapata Rivera while arresting his wife in Massachusetts. Newsflare
In early November, ICE agents in Fitchburg, Massachusetts, stopped a young father, Carlos Sebastian Zapata Rivera, as he drove with his family. They had come for his undocumented wife, whom they targeted after she was charged with assault for allegedly stabbing a co-worker in the hand with scissors.
Body camera footage from the local police, obtained by ProPublica, captured much of what happened. The couple’s 1-year-old daughter began crying. Agents surrounded the car, looking in through open doors.
According to the footage, an agent told Zapata Rivera that if his wife wouldn’t come out, they would have to arrest him, too — and their daughter would be sent into the foster system. The agent recounted the conversation to a local cop: “Technically, I can arrest both of you,” he said. “If you no longer have a child, because the child is now in state custody, you’re both gonna be arrested. Do you want to give your child to the state?”
Zapata Rivera, who has a pending asylum claim, clung to his family. His wife kept saying she wouldn’t go anywhere without her daughter, whom she said was still breastfeeding. Zapata Rivera wouldn’t let go of either of them.
Federal agents seemed conflicted on how to proceed. “I refuse to have us videotaped throwing someone to the ground while they have a child in their hands,” one ICE agent told a police officer at the scene.
But after more than an hour, agents held down Zapata Rivera’s arms. One, who Zapata Rivera’s lawyer says wore a baseball cap reading “Ne Quis Effugiat” — Latin for “So That None Will Escape” — pressed his thumbs into the arteries on Zapata Rivera’s neck. The young man then appeared to pass out as bystanders screamed.
The technique is known as a carotid restraint. The two carotid arteries carry 70% of the brain’s blood flow; block them, and a person can quickly lose consciousness. The tactic can cause strokes, seizures, brain damage — and death.
“Even milliseconds or seconds of interrupted blood flow to the brain can have serious consequences,” Dr. Altaf Saadi, a neurologist and associate professor at Harvard Medical School, told us. Saadi said she couldn’t comment on specific cases, “but there is no amount of training or method of applying pressure on the neck that is foolproof in terms of avoiding neurologic damage.”
In a bystander video of Zapata Rivera’s arrest, his eyes roll back in his head and he suffers an apparent seizure, convulsing so violently that his daughter, seated in his lap, shakes with him.
Video of Zapata Rivera’s arrest shows him shaking violently while suffering an apparent seizure in the front seat of his car, with officers continuing to attempt the arrest. Newsflare
“Carotid restraints are prohibited unless deadly force is authorized,” DHS’ use-of-force policy states. Deadly force is authorized only when an officer believes there’s an “imminent threat of death or serious bodily injury” and there is “no alternative.”
In a social media post after the incident and in its statement to ProPublica, DHS did not cite a deadly threat. Instead, it referenced the charges against Zapata Rivera’s wife and suggested he had only pretended to have a medical crisis while refusing help from paramedics. “Imagine FAKING a seizure to help a criminal escape justice,” the post said.
“These statements were lies,” Zapata Rivera alleges in an ongoing civil rights lawsuit he filed against the ICE agent who used the carotid restraint. His lawyer told ProPublica that Zapata Rivera was disoriented after regaining consciousness; the lawsuit says he was denied medical attention. (Representatives for Zapata Rivera declined our requests for an interview with him. His wife has been released on bond, and her assault case awaits trial.)
A police report and bodycam footage from Fitchburg officers at the scene, obtained via a public records request, back up Zapata Rivera’s account of being denied assistance. “He’s fine,” an agent told paramedics, according to footage. The police report says Zapata Rivera wanted medical attention but “agents continued without stopping.”
Saadi, the Harvard neurologist, said that as a general matter, determining whether someone had a seizure is “not something even neurologists can do accurately just by looking at it.”
DHS policy bars using chokeholds and carotid restraints just because someone is resisting arrest. Agents are doing it anyway.
Federal officers arrested American citizen Luis Hipolito with a chokehold, pinning him to the ground in Los Angeles on June 24. @the_moxie_report
When DHS issued restrictions on chokeholds and carotid restraints, it stated that the moves “must not be used as a means to control non-compliant subjects or persons resisting arrest.” Deadly force “shall not be used solely to prevent the escape of a fleeing subject.”
But videos reviewed by ProPublica show that agents have been using these restraints to do just that.
In Los Angeles in June, masked officers from ICE, Border Patrol and other federal agencies pepper-sprayed and then tackled another citizen, Luis Hipolito. As Hipolito struggled to get away, one of the agents put him in a chokehold. Another pointed a Taser at bystanders filming.
Then Hipolito’s body began to convulse — a possible seizure. An onlooker warned the agents, “You gonna let him die.”
In the video of Hipolito’s arrest, four agents can be seen pulling at his body, choking him and pinning him to the pavement. @the_moxie_report
When officers make a mistake in the heat of the moment, said Danny Murphy, a former deputy commissioner of the Baltimore Police Department, they need to “correct it as quickly as possible.”
That didn’t happen in Hipolito’s case. The footage shows the immigration agent not only wrapping his arm around Hipolito’s neck as he takes him down but also sticking with the chokehold after Hipolito is pinned on the ground.
The agent’s actions are “dangerous and unreasonable,” Murphy said.
Asked about the case, McLaughlin, the DHS spokesperson, said that Hipolito was arrested for assaulting an ICE officer. Hipolito’s lawyers did not respond to ProPublica’s requests for comment.
According to the Los Angeles Times, Hipolito limped into court days after the incident. Another citizen who was with him the day of the incident was also charged, but her case was dropped. Hipolito pleaded not guilty and goes to trial in February.
Some of the conduct in the footage isn’t banned — but it’s discouraged and dangerous.
An officer kneels on the neck of nurse and activist Amanda Trebach, a U.S. citizen, during an arrest in Los Angeles. Courtesy of Union del Barrio
Placing a knee on a prone subject’s neck or weight on their back isn’t banned under DHS’ use-of-force policy, but it can be dangerous — and the longer it goes on, the higher the risk that the person won’t be able to breathe.
“You really don’t want to spend that amount of time just trying to get somebody handcuffed,” said Kerlikowske, the former CPB commissioner, of the video of the arrest in Portland.
Brown, the former federal instructor and now a lead police trainer at the University of South Carolina, echoed that. “Once you get them handcuffed, you get them up, get them out of there,” he said. “If they’re saying they can’t breathe, hurry up.”
DoorDash driver Victor José Brito Vallejo was pinned to the ground by federal agents in Portland, Oregon, on Sept. 11. The Oregonian
Taking a person down to the ground and restraining them there can be an appropriate way to get them in handcuffs, said Seth Stoughton, a former police officer turned law professor who also works at the University of South Carolina. But officers have long known to make it quick. By the mid-1990s, the federal government was advising officers against keeping people prolongedly in a prone position.
When a federal agent kneeled on the neck of an intensive care nurse in August, she said she understood the danger she was in and tried to scream.
“I knew that the amount of pressure being placed on the back of my neck could definitely hurt me,” said Amanda Trebach, a citizen and activist who was arrested in Los Angeles while monitoring immigration agents. “I was having a hard time breathing because my chest was on the ground.”
McLaughlin, the DHS spokesperson, said Trebach impeded agents’ vehicles and struck them with her signs and fists.
Trebach denies this. She was released without any charges.
Protesters have also been choked and strangled.
A Border Patrol agent chokes and then slams down a protester in Chicago on Oct. 7. Storyful
“No, no!” one bystander exclaims. “He’s not doing anything!”
DHS’ McLaughlin did not respond to questions about the incident.
Along with two similarchoking incidents at protests outside of ICE facilities, this is one of the few videos in which the run-up to the violence is clear. And the experts were aghast.
“Without anything I could see as even remotely a deadly force threat, he immediately goes for the throat,” said Ashley Heiberger, a retired police captain from Pennsylvania who frequently testifies in use-of-force cases. Balliet, the former immigration official, said the agent turned the scene into a “pissing contest” that was “explicitly out of control.”
“It’s so clearly excessive and ridiculous,” Murphy said. “That’s the kind of action which should get you fired.”
“How big a threat did you think he was?” Brown said, noting that the officer slung his rifle around his back before grabbing and body-slamming the protester. “You can’t go grab someone just because they say, ‘F the police.’”
Two federal officers arrest a construction worker in Charlotte, North Carolina, on Nov. 19. Ryan Murphy/Getty Images
In November, Border Patrol agents rushed into the construction site of a future Panda Express in Charlotte, North Carolina, to check workers’ papers. When one man tried to run, an officer put him in a chokehold and later marched him out, bloodied, to a waiting SUV.
Freelance photographer Ryan Murphy, who had been following Border Patrol’s convoys around Charlotte, documented the Panda Express arrest.
“Their tactics are less sophisticated than you would think,” he told ProPublica. “They sort of drive along the streets, and if they see somebody who looks to them like they could potentially be undocumented, they pull over.”
Experts told ProPublica that if officers are targeting a specific individual, they can minimize risks by deciding when, where and how to take them into custody. But when they don’t know their target in advance, chaos — and abuse — can follow.
“They are encountering people they don’t know anything about,” said Scott Shuchart, a former assistant director at ICE.
“The stuff that I’ve been seeing in the videos,” Kerlikowske said, “has been just ragtag, random.”
There may be other factors, too, our experts said, including quotas and a lack of consequences amid gutted oversight. With officers wearing masks, Shuchart said, “even if they punch grandma in the face, they won’t be identified.”
As they sweep into American cities, immigration officers are unconstrained — and, the experts said, unprepared. Even well-trained officers may not be trained for the environments where they now operate. Patrolling a little-populated border region takes one set of skills. Working in urban areas, where citizens — and protesters — abound, takes another.
DHS and Bovino did not respond to questions about their agents’ preparation or about the chokehold in Charlotte.
Experts may think there’s abuse. But holding officers to account? That’s another matter.
Arnoldo, 16, and his sister, Maria Bazan, 27, at their home in Houston. Maria brought her brother to the hospital after his detention by federal officers. Danielle Villasana for ProPublica
Back in Houston, immigration officers dropped 16-year-old Arnoldo off at the doorstep of his family home a few hours after the arrest. His neck was bruised, and his new shirt was shredded. Videos taken by his older sisters show the soccer star struggling to speak through sobs.
Uncertain what exactly had happened to him, his sister Maria Bazan took him to Texas Children’s Hospital, where staff identified signs of the chokehold and moved him to the trauma unit. Hospital records show he was given morphine for pain and that doctors ordered a dozen CT scans and X-rays, including of his neck, spine and head.
From the hospital, Maria called the Houston Police Department and tried to file a report, the family said. After several unsuccessful attempts, she took Arnoldo to the department in person, where she says officers were skeptical of the account and their own ability to investigate federal agents.
Arnoldo had filmed much of the incident, but agents had taken his phone. He used Find My to locate the phone — at a vending machine for used electronics miles away, close to an ICE detention center. The footage, which ProPublica has reviewed, backed the family’s account of the chase.
After Arnoldo was choked by a federal officer, his sister took him to the hospital, where doctors quickly moved him to the trauma unit. Courtesy of the Bazan family
The family says Houston police still haven’t interviewed them. A department spokesperson told ProPublica it was not investigating the case, referring questions to DHS. But the police have also not released bodycam footage and case files aside from a top sheet, citing an open investigation.
“We can’t do anything,” Maria said one officer told her. “What can HPD do to federal agents?”
Elsewhere in the country, some officials are trying to hold federal immigration officers to account.
In California, the state Legislature passed bills prohibiting immigration officers from wearing masks and requiring them to display identification during operations.
In Illinois, Gov. JB Pritzker signed a law that allows residents to sue any officer who violates state or federal constitutional rights. (The Trump administration quickly filed legal challenges against California and Illinois, claiming their new laws are unconstitutional.)
In Minnesota, state and local leaders are collecting evidence in Renee Good’s killing even as the federal government cut the state out of its investigation.
Arnoldo is still waiting for Houston authorities to help him, still terrified that a masked agent will come first. Amid soccer practice and making up schoolwork he missed while recovering, he watches and rewatches the videos from that day. The car chase, the chokehold, his own screams at the officers to leave his dad alone. His father in the driver’s seat, calmly handing Arnoldo his wallet and phone while stopping mid-chase for red lights.
The Bazan family said agents threatened to charge Arnoldo if his dad didn’t agree to be deported. DHS spokesperson McLaughlin did not respond when asked about the alleged threat. Arnoldo’s dad is now in Mexico.
Asked why an officer choked Arnoldo, McLaughlin pointed to the boy’s alleged assault with his elbow, adding, “The federal law enforcement officer graciously chose not to press charges.”
How We Did It
ProPublica journalists Nicole Foy, McKenzie Funk, Joanna Shan, Haley Clark and Cengiz Yar gathered videos via Spanish and English social media posts, local press reports and court records. We then sent a selection of these videos to eight police experts and former immigration officials, along with as much information as we could gather about the lead-up to and context of each incident. The experts analyzed the videos with us, explaining when and how officers used dangerous tactics that appeared to go against their training or that have been banned under the Department of Homeland Security’s use-of-force policy.
We also tried to contact every person we could identify being choked or kneeled on. In some cases, we also reached out to bystanders.
Research reporter Mariam Elba conducted criminal record searches of every person we featured in this story. She also attempted to fact-check the allegations that DHS made about the civilians and their arrests. Our findings are not comprehensive because there is no universal criminal record database.
We also sent every video cited in this story to the White House, DHS, CBP, ICE, border czar Tom Homan and Border Patrol’s Gregory Bovino. DHS spokesperson Tricia McLaughlin provided a statement responding to some of the incidents we found but she did not explain why agents used banned tactics or whether any of the agents have been disciplined for doing so.
WASHINGTON—Calling her actions “indefensible,” Vice President JD Vance stated Thursday that Renée Good was brainwashed by the Bible into loving thy neighbor. “The fact of the matter is that Renée Good was radicalized by these deranged, left-wing texts,” said Vance, whose response to the death of the 37-year-old Minneapolis mother was reiterated across social media by MAGA voters and GOP lawmakers who emphasized that the blame for her slaying lay squarely on the Scriptures that had “poisoned” her mind. “She was obsessed. I don’t know who ‘Matthew’ and ‘Mark’ are, if those are even their real names, but they should know that they will not escape accountability. Frankly, we should deport everybody who follows this insanity. There’s no ‘Golden Rule’ in U.S. immigration code.” At press time, the Department of Justice had reportedly launched an investigation after receiving a tip that there was a whole fringe network of these so-called “followers of Christ.”
A new study published in the journal Science found that exceptionally smart dogs can learn the names of objects simply by overhearing human conversations and extracting meaning from social cues, showing word-learning abilities similar to toddlers. What do you think?
“This only makes me think less of my toddler.”
Craig Horner, Salve Developer
“So funny to watch my dog confuse ‘continual’ with ‘continuous.’”
STARBASE, TX—Claiming that his relationship with the nation’s adults had been ‘irreparably’ damaged by their recent comments in support of the trans community, Elon Musk announced Thursday that he had filed for full custody of all U.S. children. “I will be filing for full custody today, given that every American parent supports the transition of infants,” Musk wrote in a post on X, stating that he had a duty to protect over 74 million children from their guardians, who he claimed were “pedophiles” and “groomers.” “It’s sick. There isn’t one parent left in this country who hasn’t brainwashed their kids with the woke mind virus or, worse, taught them basic human empathy. And for promoting anti-white ideology, I am hereby terminating any remaining child support.” At press time, Musk announced that he had amended his lawsuit to only seek custody of the nation’s boys.
WASHINGTON—Saying that despite recent events, it would do everything in its power to continue obscuring the truth, The Washington Post published an editorial Thursday defending the FBI’s recent raid on its reporter. “As journalists, we stand united behind the U.S. government’s decision to investigate our colleague Hannah Natanson, search her home, and seize several of her electronic devices,” read the piece, which was signed by the famed newspaper’s editorial board and outlined the many ways in which Natanson deserved to be punished for doing her job conducting investigative reporting into the Trump administration. “The Washington Post has a long history of groundbreaking journalism, and we invite FBI director Kash Patel to raid, arrest, or jail anyone involved with such efforts. In the United States, federal agents are born with certain unalienable rights. We cannot in good conscience allow our reporters to infringe upon that freedom.” At press time, the famed newspaper’s readership had reportedly skyrocketed after the editorial board called on President Donald Trump to publicly execute its entire staff.
NEW YORK—Lauding the commander-in-chief’s response to being heckled at a Ford plant as a stunning physical feat, pundits from multiple media outlets praised President Donald Trump on Thursday for summoning the strength and dexterity necessary to successfully lift his middle finger. “The obscene gesture Trump made in Michigan was brimming with youthful vitality, not to mention quite a bit of technical finesse,” said Fox News’ Sean Hannity, echoing the sentiment of dozens of political commentators who remarked that the 79-year-old Trump had flipped the bird with the deftness and vigor of a man half his age. “No president since Teddy Roosevelt has possessed the raw bodily prowess required not only to lift his middle finger, but also to hold it in the air—completely unassisted—for nearly a full second. Most leaders would struggle to flip someone off as effortlessly as Trump did, and none of them could pull it off while walking with such bold, muscular steps. It borders on superhuman, but that’s just the kind of athleticism you come to expect with such an incredible physical specimen leading our country.” Hannity went on to commend the mental acuity and “rapier wit” that allowed Trump to come up with a retort for the heckler as scathing as “Fuck you.”
Scott Adams, the creator of the popular comic strip Dilbert has died at 68, having drawn criticism after veering into far right politics. What do you think?
“This is a very sad day for a small group of very weird men.”
Corina Wayman, Sock Darner
“Can’t wait to see what direction JD Vance takes Dilbert.”
In February of last year, the Texas Observer reported that James “Jim” Joseph Rodden—an Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) assistant chief counsel who acts as a prosecutor for ICE in immigration court in Dallas—operates a white supremacist X account named GlomarResponder, based on an overwhelming number of biographical details that the Observer matched through publicly available documents, other social media activity, and courtroom observation.
The account has over 17,000 followers and has routinely posted hateful statements, including that “America is a White nation,” that “‘Migrants’ are all criminals,” and that “All blacks are foreign to my people,” in addition to posts with apparent praise of Adolf Hitler.
After the Observer’s initial story was published, Rodden was apparently pulled from federal immigration court schedules. Three members of Congress sent letters to ICE and the Department of Homeland Security demanding an investigation into Rodden. ICE responded in a letter last March to Congressman Marc Veasey, who represents part of Dallas, stating that the ICE Office of Professional Responsibility (OPR) “understands the seriousness of the allegations and will ensure the allegations are addressed appropriately, fairly, and expeditiously” and that typically “OPR administrative investigations are completed within 120 days.” ICE has not provided any further information since.
Upon receiving a tip from an attorney who represents immigrants in removal proceedings at the Dallas Immigration Court, the Observer arrived at the courtroom of Judge Deitrich H. Sims Tuesday afternoon ahead of the day’s merits hearings for federal immigration cases. When the Observer opened the door to the courtroom, Rodden was sitting at the prosecutors’ desk. A court clerk said the Observer was not allowed to sit in on the hearings. The Observer also obtained a photo of Rodden exiting the courtroom Tuesday wearing his staff badge.
James Rodden at the federal immigration court in Dallas on January 13, 2026
ICE did not immediately respond to the Observer’s request for comment on Rodden’s employment status.
Rodden’s apparent return to work as an ICE prosecutor in immigration court comes at a time when ICE’s aggressive immigration enforcement tactics are driving national controversy and mass protests, especially after an ICE agent in Minneapolis shot and killed Renee Good, a mother and award-winning poet, on January 7.
Rodden’s X account, GlomarResponder, has been set to private but is still active. On September 28, 2025, the account responded to the question “Can anyone point to me exactly where America started going downhill?” The account responded: “November 6, 1860”—the date that President Abraham Lincoln, the president whose administration ended slavery, was elected.
“I will not let this go unnoticed,” said Veasey in a statement to the Observer. “White supremacists should not hold positions of authority in our justice system, and I will do everything in my power to ensure that Rodden is held accountable.”
Editor’s Note: This story has been updated with comment from Congressman Marc Veaseyand with a more specific description of an unnamed source.
I’m dealing with two issues from the same event with the same employee.
I am the manager for a warehouse distribution center for a larger company.
For our holiday party, I handed out RSVP cards with a choice of one of three dinners for the employee and a guest a few weeks ahead of the party so we knew of a count for the meals and we could pre-pay. The dinner was at a somewhat upscale location (a country club). I was somewhat surprised when one of my employees (Kyle) showed up not only with his wife, but also a 5-6 year old child/grandchild. After the meal and while I was making a speech about how the company was doing, work anniversaries, etc., the child started saying, “I’m bored, I want to leave,” getting louder each time they said it. So during my speech, Kyle, his wife, and the child left.
Not a huge deal, but at the end of the party a member of the waitstaff handed me a bill for $18.75 for a chicken strip meal and a pop for the child. I had to pay (plus tip) out of my own pocket. How would you handle this? Ask for reimbursement from Kyle? Plus how to discuss not bringing a child (or an extra guest) to what was an adult event with an invite for only two people?
The second issue with Kyle: all employees were given a ticket when they arrived and we had enough prizes/gifts for every employee at the party. We would draw a name and a prize/gift was given. Because Kyle had left, we just continued to the next name after his name was drawn. That meant we had an extra item at the end, so I put all the tickets back in the basket and announced that whichever employee’s name was drawn, their guest would get the prize.
Yesterday I overheard some talk about how Kyle approached the employee whose wife had won the extra prize and is expecting them to give up the prize as Kyle should have received it, even if he wasn’t there. The employee hasn’t approached me (yet) about the situation. Do I step in now, or wait until something is said to me? Even though it wasn’t stated “must be present to win,” should I have held onto Kyle’s prize or was it okay to give it away?
Some companies let employees win raffle prizes at parties even when they’re not there, but it’s not at all uncommon to confine prizes only to people who are in attendance — and Kyle was out of line in approaching his coworker and demanding the prize. In your shoes, I’d just talk to the employee who Kyle approached and let them know the prize is theirs and they don’t need to feel any pressure to hand it over to Kyle. Add that if Kyle causes any issues over that, they should let you know and you’ll handle it.
There’s an argument for giving Kyle a heads-up too, particularly if your sense is that this is going to blow up into a problem. I’d say it this way: “Sorry you had to leave early! Please don’t ask Ralph to give up the prize his wife won; that was my call when you weren’t there when your name was drawn.”
As for Kyle bringing his wife and a child when the invitation was only for one guest: let that go and just be clearer about the expectations next year. There are companies where employees are welcome to bring additional family members to holiday parties, and people don’t always scrutinize invitations enough to realize that one guest is okay but two wouldn’t be. (Should they read more carefully? Sure. But people don’t, and it’s usually not worth the hassle of making a big deal about it unless it truly causes significant problems.) Plus, who knows, maybe they had a last-minute child care emergency and thought bringing the kid along was the best solution, or just didn’t realize this was going to be a “company speeches” sort of event and not something more family-friendly.
The $18.75 for the kid’s meal should be a business expense (one you get reimbursed for), just like if there were some other unexpected add-on to the charges for the event. As the host of the event, handing Kyle a bill would be really ungracious. And the point of company holiday parties is to build morale, not to leave people feeling bad or resentful or like they/their family were a burden. $18.75 is a small price for the company to pay to avoid that.
But for future events, be clearer up-front on the invitation and when talking about the party — “one guest per employee,” “this is not a child-friendly event (there will be work speeches!) but you are welcome to bring an adult guest,” or whatever is right for the circumstances. Clearer is always kinder (but so is giving people some grace if they get it wrong, within reason).
How do you commemorate the preservation of 1 trillion web pages in a zine? That was Megan Lotts’ challenge when she was contacted by the Internet Archive last summer.
Lotts is an art librarian at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey, where she promotes creativity, play, and makerspaces through her teaching and research. She designs zines (short for magazine), which are self-published, handmade objects that are often copied and shared. It was through Lotts’ involvement with zines at the American Library Association (ALA) conference that she was asked by Internet Archive librarian Chris Freeland to create one for the Internet Archive’s October celebration.
For the project, Lotts collaborated with Louisa Cohen and Drew MacDonald at the Internet Archive on images and text to incorporate. Although an avid user of the Internet Archive, Lotts said making the zine prompted her to take a deep dive and discover all new material.
“As a librarian, this is a space where you go for history,” she said of the Internet Archive. “I’m a kind of curious, reflective person, but there were collections that I came across that I didn’t know existed.”
The final product is an 8-page zine that Lotts has shared on the Internet Archive, along with a close-up view of the pages. It includes the Wayback Machine logo, icons of various collections, an old Polaroid photo of Internet Archive’s digital librarian, Brewster Kahle, next to a vintage computer.
The zine was printed and shared with attendees at the Oct. 22 Internet Archive party in San Francisco. Lotts took a week off from Rutgers to help unveil the zine at the festivities. Upon returning to Rutgers, she said it was fun to show students her work and explain the process. They were excited to hear about her experience, Lotts said, and what she learned behind the scenes at the headquarters.
“My students grew up with the Wayback Machine. They’ve used it since grade school,” said Lotts, 51, who remembers first accessing the Archive in college. “If you think about 1 trillion pages in less than 30 years, that’s outrageous. It’s preserving information for posterity.”
Zines need to be preserved, Lotts maintains, along with other art and cultural artifacts.
Librarian and creator Megan Lotts.
“When I give someone a zine, what I’m really hoping is that I’m giving you a moment,” Lotts said, “whether you recognize it or not, to hold this in your hands and get lost from the rest of the world. It’s just a tiny little book … I want people to look at it and think about it. That’s the beauty of the zine.”
Zines can be as elaborate as the one she produced for the Archive, she said, or as simple as creating something with a piece of paper, pen or pencil and an idea. “Those are things that most of us can access and everybody has a story,” said Lotts, who hopes the project inspires people to consider tapping into their creative side to make a zine.
“I’m noticing—as a scholar and as an educator—that people want to engage with the arts. They want to be creative,” said Lotts, who has degrees in fine arts, library science, painting and art history and teaches a class on play. “It’s really powerful for me to see students come alive and think about information and knowledge creation in a playful and exciting way.”
THE HEAVENS—Praising the man-made food item as “on par with the real thing,” God Almighty, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, admitted Thursday that imitation crab tastes just as good as the living crabs that He created. “Credit where credit is due—between the pleasant taste and low cost, I definitely don’t hate this,” said the Infallible Architect of All Things, adding that He wouldn’t have bothered to invent the decapod crustacean species in the first place had He known the fish-based substitute would be “this decent.” “When I first saw you guys tinkering around with crab meat, I admit, I was ready to punish you for the sin of hubris. But I’m really impressed. This imitation version has a nice mouthfeel and a good flavor that’s not overly fishy. I know firsthand how hard that is to do—have you ever eaten mackerel? Plus, this is a perfect workaround for Jesus’ shellfish allergy. Kudos.” God added that humans “still have a long way to go” when it comes to vegan cheese.
PITTSBURGH—Acknowledging that the erotic, ultrarealistic episodes had been a frequent occurrence since the NFL season began, local resident Peter Hayward told reporters Tuesday that his vivid sex dream from the previous evening was once again about Pittsburgh Steelers mascot Steely McBeam.
“Oh Jesus, I had another weird Steely dream—why does this keep happening?” said Hayward, 41, recounting how he had awoken with sweat-soaked sheets after enduring a multipart dream in which the girder-toting character playfully joined him in the team’s shower facilities at Acrisure Stadium before eventually making love to him on the 50-yard line. “As soon as I fall asleep, there he is, peeling off his overalls and calling me a ‘dirty little Yinzer who needs to get fucked, Steely-style.’”
“I don’t know where any of this is coming from, but I really wish it would stop,” he added.
When pressed on the topic, Hayward described dozens of sex dreams centered on the lantern-jawed NFL mascot, including a “terrifying” one in which Steely pursued him down Art Rooney Avenue, placed a yellow and black wig on the Pittsburgh native’s head, and vigorously sodomized him at the foot of the Mister Rogers Memorial.
Hayward, who is heterosexual, also admitted that several of these incidents—among them a dream in which Steely held him down and “went to work on my penis with his hungry mouth”—had caused him to produce voluminous nocturnal emissions, to his intense shame and bewilderment.
Noting that he had resorted to taking beta-blockers and high doses of trazodone in a fruitless effort to fend off the fantastical sex dreams, Hayward confirmed that the phantasmagoric encounters with Steely had begun to interfere with his daily routine.
“It’s really hard to focus on work when you spent the previous night getting railed by Steely in Franco Harris’ living room,” he said, adding that the dreams often culminated with the mascot angrily ordering him to clean up his discharge with a Terrible Towel. “Like, I’ll have eight hours of frantic sleep where I’m getting pounded and spanked by Steely the entire time. How am I supposed to look my family in the eyes after that?”
“Also, his penis is an I-beam,” he continued. “Forgot to mention that part.”
At press time, a dreaming Hayward was reportedly being held at gunpoint by McBeam and forced to masturbate onto a Primanti Bros. Italian sausage and cheese sandwich.
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following the death of Minneapolis resident Renee Nicole Good, Trump Administration officials are unanimously insisting the officer who shot her had completed his routine ICE training on how to exacerbate all violent altercations. With ICE agents coming under fire for opening fire on American citizens, many are examining the agency’s Escalation Training […]
“WE ARE ENDING THE WAR ON PROTEIN.” — Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. on Instagram, 1/11/26
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In service of our mission to Make America Healthy Again, we are taking decisive action to end our country’s most protracted, most expensive, and most unjust war: The War on Protein.
For years, policymakers following misguided research have aggressively shaped federal guidance, influenced consumer behavior, and imposed restrictions preventing school lunches from consisting entirely of heaping chunks of brisket. After extensive review of the “science,” this administration has decided instead to trust our gut, and our gut really likes a rare ribeye.
Therefore, effective immediately, this administration will begin a phased drawdown of all anti-protein measures.
“Experts” have made a fuss over the so-called links between high consumption of red meat and rates of heart disease, high blood pressure, and certain cancers. But to that I say, just take a look at my impressively thick neck. Even the idea that humans need all three macronutrient groups was recently debunked by a weightbuilder I follow on Snapchat.
We recognize that the War on Protein came at a grave cost: by hitting men especially hard. During the conflict, youngsters were discouraged from eating raw eggs, organ meat, and beached whales that, for generations, had produced the bulging biceps that had given boys’ lives so much meaning.
Thankfully, a pocket of resistance emerged, braving social ridicule to support ailing steakhouses, smuggle illegally sourced meat, and boldly resist the urge to add bean burgers to their summer barbecues.
Some may say that retreating from the War on Protein makes us look weak. Interminable war against abstract ideas is, after all, what makes us real Americans. Critics may be especially skeptical after learning that we are also ending the war on protein’s close ally, saturated fats. We get it—that’s a lot of war-ending. But today we can courageously admit that previous administrations were wrong. Besides, the American people need not fear, as we are replacing the War on Protein with a War for Protein.
And for good measure, we’ve also declared war against added sugar. Within days, the Secretary of War will direct the troops to gather all of the added sugar in America into one central location and nuke it into oblivion like it was a civilian fishing boat in the Caribbean.
Instead of letting scientists, doctors, and nutritionists dictate our food choices, we are putting our faith in modern forces for good—manosphere podcasters, TikTok influencers, and corporations that have already proven their commitment to public health by adding protein to foods like Cheerios, Doritos, and Starbucks coffee. We are turning the old food pyramid on its head, tottering on a point of red-blooded greatness.
We understand that it will take time for people to adjust to the new guidelines. Still, we can’t wait for Americans to feel the real benefits of protein loading—a clearer mind, fewer prescription medications, and the sweet metallic scent of spending decades in ketosis.
I look forward to the day when every American bathes in beef tallow, snorts testosterone, and is legally obligated to consume at least 250 mean, lean grams of animal flesh a day. Whether from mutton, salami, or bear cub, cow balls, blood sausage, or deviled ham—protein will no longer be treated as an enemy combatant, but instead welcomed with open arms into the ripped pectorals of our proud, healthy country.
You’ve Always Been This Way is a column written by Taylor Harris, a late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman and 1980s preschool dropout, who identifies every moment from her past that filled her with shame, and mutters, “Yep, that tracks. I see it all now.”
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I sent an Instagram post to my daughter recently, an apology for some of the ways I’d mothered her before I knew she was autistic. I’d already run the reel of regret in my head many times, remembering flickers of moments when I’d sidestepped her distress or pushed the “ignore” button on her cries. She’s our firstborn, and her dad and I had been advised that toddlers, then preschoolers, and even some school-aged children who threw “tantrums” needed to learn their caregivers would not cave to every desire or demand. Okay, that seemed to make sense. People were always warning us that a kid who hears five “no’s” and then an exhausted “yes” has your number. You’re cooked.
In my late twenties, I was a stay-at-home mom of two toddlers, living in a University of Virginia dorm (the faculty penthouse apartment, darling) while my husband worked as an assistant professor and attended seminary. No one would have shamed me for a few missed cuddles or a handful of short-fused responses. It’s just not humanly possible to get it right every time; there’s a reason we love a “good enough” mother.
So, yes, I missed the mark in typical ways. But it’s how I responded to behavior I couldn’t possibly have named or understood that shreds me. How I perceived meltdowns before they were meltdowns. How a barrage of questions felt like hot coals on my face—was I angry? Why? Now I understand the rapid firing as my child’s need for regulation, which tended to flood my own nervous system. For every vocal stim session in our minivan, there are one or two Harrises reaching for Loops.
Is regret the right word for what you did when you didn’t know?
I sent my daughter the post, and she came to find me in my office, where I sat in just the natural light, and she said only: “That got me.” I held her to my chest this time, as though I could rewrite or overwrite or make things right.
What if I tell you I don’t want to go back in time? I fear I’d have more information and clarity, but not enough capacity to make the time travel worthwhile. In the space of three years, three of us in my family of five have been diagnosed with autism and ADHD (that’s AuDHD for you fancy neurotics). We’d previously all belonged to the Generalized Anxiety Disorder club (where the beats and existential dread never stop stop stop), and which I now see as a gateway (but valid standalone) diagnosis.
Can I shoot straight with you? While I wrote a memoir with the word “genetics” in the title and understand that having sex can lead to having babies who look and act like you, the fact that neurodivergence and mental health diagnoses run in families doesn’t make things any easier. It’s not like being a world-class diver and walking to the deep end with your little world-class divers-in-the-making to show the lowlifes at the public pool how it’s done.
Last year, when my inner parts and brain seemed to all be saying they’d had enough, I visited a midlife clinic. In trying to give brief and truthful answers (we love an A+ medical narrative) about major life stressors, I mentioned my family being mostly neurodivergent. The doctor said, “Oh, does that make it easier, then? Since it’s not just one of you?”
Bruh. My ovaries gasped and fell out on the floor. I grabbed my mom tote and took my perimenopausal autistic self back home to face my neurodivergent wolfpack alone, without additional estrogen.
Can three things about late (or later) autism and ADHD diagnoses be true? (1) I wish I had known when my daughter and son were closer to kindergarten-aged; (2) Knowing would have mattered to our family; and (3) I’m not sure how much more I could have given my kids.
The other day, a friend who’s clued into my ongoing, low-grade, hormonal-brain-life-driven burnout, referenced John O’ Donohue’s blessing “For One Who Is Exhausted.” I found the book of blessings on my shelf. A friend from Charlottesville, the city I still think of as home, had given it to me about five years ago, before we moved away to State College and then Richmond, before I really got it, so I’d tucked it away.
This time, at forty-two, I read each line with my limbs and bones in tow, breaking down between stanzas.
The tide you never valued has gone out. And you are marooned on unsure ground. Something within you has closed down; And you cannot push yourself back to life.
I am four decades in, and learning, for the first time and yet again, that sometimes you have what you’ll need before you need it. Thank God when you, out of politeness or not wanting to waste, tuck the gift away.
What I sent my daughter feels something like the inverse.
Here, I offered from another room, another body, a same but different brain. Ways you might have experienced trauma that you couldn’t name and I couldn’t name, and sometimes it was at my hands—or my lack of hands-on care—and does this hit your soul? Because I am not asking for forgiveness, though I am, in a way. But mostly, I am trying to see you, hold you, and give you what I couldn’t when you needed it. Maybe you needed it most then. I’m sorry. Can it be a salve now? A thin one, not perfect, not even good enough. Just a little something to take the edge off.
That moment was my daughter’s to perceive, not mine to squeeze in and overtake. I hope we’ll have more. And one day, maybe when we are getting twin piercings (her request), I’ll share what I couldn’t have known about myself. Not to get stuck in rumination (we love an A+ ruminator) or to excuse bad decisions, or to say “at least” you got your diagnosis earlier, but mostly to tell her we cannot go back. And we were not wrong to feel what we felt and to tesser between thoughts in a way that threatened the invented code of compliance.
Look at the world, I’ll tell her, still thrashing about, trying to find its way. You and I were not made to rush. We are not late or too far from home. Let’s just be here for now. Want to give it a try?
“President Trump called on Iranians on Tuesday to keep protesting against their government and warned that those responsible for killing demonstrators would ‘pay a big price.’” —New York Times
“Donald Trump branded anti-ICE protests in Minnesota ‘fake riots,’ aired a crass and evidence-free theory about the people involved, and spouted a racist slogan during a lengthy, unhinged speech in Detroit.” —Daily Mirror
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In the wake of the violent crackdown against protestors in Iran, the United States stands firmly on the side of the Iranian people rising up against their authoritarian government. Our administration supports protesting against any government except our own.
The protests against the Iranian government are completely justified. The Iranian government is a corrupt regime that regularly engages in petty bribery, routinely launchescriminalinvestigations against its opponents for political reasons, and snatches people off the street and locks them away in undisclosed detention facilities. As we speak, they are tanking their economy thanks to terrible trade policies, spending billions of dollars on their military instead of helping their most vulnerable, and funding armies committing genocide in the Middle East. It is, therefore, no surprise that the Iranian people are fed up with their nation’s leadership and are demanding change.
Meanwhile, evil forces within the United States are attempting to undermine everything our administration has accomplished over the past year. Whether it’s the “No Kings” marches or the “ICE Out for Good” protests, these fake riots are being orchestrated by professional actors (most likely Mark Ruffalo). We intend to imprison any fraudster politician, public official, or MCU superhero involved in these sick plots to loot and pillage our country.
Iranian protestors, on the other hand, should be allowed to take to the streets to voice their displeasure without being labeled terrorists. No peaceful demonstrator should ever be killed for standing up to their government. Unless, of course, they’re a suburban mom in an SUV that’s driving away from law enforcement.
We are deeply concerned about the clashes between protestors and the Iranian Revolutionary Guard. But we believe that confrontations with police are sometimes necessary to effect change. Provided, of course, that the change in question is something positive, like overturning the results of an election and not something sinister, like improving the way a certain racial group is treated in their country.
The problem with the Iranian government is that its laws are based on an extreme interpretation of an ancient Middle Eastern religion, which emphasizes traditional gender roles, teaches that women should be subordinate to men, and insists that all who disagree are infidels condemned to hell for all eternity. Whereas our government leaders are proudly Christian nationalists.
We will be monitoring the situation in Iran and making preparations to assist the protesters, while continuing to crack down on the domestic agitators trying to destroy America.
Also, in the coming months, we’ll be occupying Venezuela and invading Greenland, while condemning the war in Ukraine and warning China not to attack Taiwan.
At this point, I’d like to thank the University of Sheffield for providing a full virtual tour of their new Social Sciences building, “The Wave”. A big help, lads. Offsets how the virtual tour of your student accommodation now auto-rotates. That was a low freaking blow.
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