Natalie.ayerdis

I always wanted to be a mom, just not necessarily a stay-at-home mom.  My education and career were too important for me to just throw away.  Upon graduating with a B.S. in English, I figured I’d become a teacher, have a few children (whom would fare just fine in daycare) and be a model PTA mother and career woman.

My entire life changed three years later when the most perfect, wrinkly baby was laid in my arms.  Every ill-conceived notion I had about full-time motherhood was immediately discarded and suddenly, it was all I wanted.  But hubby still had a year of graduate school left, and we needed the income, so the decision was made.  I would head back to work and be the woman I always planned to be.

The day I handed off my still pink-skinned baby girl to another woman and drove away, a cold wind rushed through the hole in my chest where my heart used to be.  I had to take deep, deep breaths to get the sobbing under control.  Her sweet scent still clung to my cardigan.

You’re being irrational, I berated myself.  It’s only eight hours–she will be fine.

But she’ll know I left her…

That day was the hardest.  The next was a tiny bit easier and each subsequent day, easier than the last.  But each hour, each minute I was at work, I was missing a milestone.  Monday through Friday I left her from 7:30am to 4:30pm.  That was a total of 45 hours a week and over 2,000 hours a year that I was missing.  There were milestones I only witnessed in texts, like her first belly laugh.  It kills me to never know the sound.  Crawling first happened while I was neck deep in student research projects.

  On a regular 24-hour work day, that left a total of three hours I got to spend with her.  Whoa.

In trying to give everything my 100%—work, motherhood, being a wife, etc.—everything suffered.  None of them received the attention they truly deserved.  Something had to give.  Laundry was piling up, dirty dishes outnumbered the clean ones, and the ring around the toilet now had a name (Gus).  At work I was stressed and exhausted, often breaking down in tears when the last bell rang.

Then something funny happened.  I got pregnant.  Surprise!  Baby girl was 8-months old with a little brother on the way.

A humongous, gargantuan, terrifying decision awaited me: do I take this opportunity, quit my job and become a…gulp…stay-at-home-mom?

Like any good teacher, I immediately commenced my research.  Like a bad student, I turned to Google for reliable resources.  What I found was not just negative, but downright depressing. Phrases like, Staying at home is my biggest regret, Don’t bother buying anything but yoga pants, and You’re kids are the boss of you and they are mean bastards, were swimming around the internet like hungry sharks.

Seriously, it’s all there.  Not the words of encouragement I desperately craved.

A few misconceptions out there about SAHMs:

a) They have no education or career prospect, so the obvious option is to stay at home.

b) They are cheerio-encrusted-yoga-pants-wearing makeup-less women with unkempt hair and crazed looks in their eyes.

c) Stay-at-home moms have wasted valuable time and talents to do…what exactly do they do all day?

Sounds appealing, right?  In my moment of earnest seeking, what I really needed was a voice of optimism, telling me that being a stay-at-home mom was the best in the world!  That even though it was hard, it was a million times worth it.  I needed an advocate.

So today, I am that advocate.  For me, the decision to stay at home was both difficult and easy.  Difficult because I was giving up close work friends, the esteem of students and colleagues, and the self-satisfaction of being successful.  But it was so incredibly easy because I had these two beautiful babies, whom were part of me and whom I wanted to give the entire world to, give them everything I had.  I’m here to tell you that being a stay-at-home-mom is the best in the world!

You do not have to wear yoga pants every day.  You can (and they are comfortable), but you don’t have to.  As a stay-at-home mom, you can be fashionable, and smart, and fun, and important.  Over the course of my mommy-hood, I’ve made lots of other mom friends who are some of the most intelligent, hip, fun women I know, with advanced degrees and previous jobs that would be the envy of any resume.

Rather than take my word for it, I’ve asked three moms to share why they chose to stay at home and why it’s awesome!

Kelsey W., mom of 3

Education: B.A. in Music, English minor, Masters Degree in Music

Job Experience: taught university music classes, paid pianist for an opera company, ran a youth piano program, private piano and violin teacher.

Why did you become a stay-at-home-mom? 

When I decide to do something, I do it 100%. When I chose to become a mother I wanted to give it my all.  That meant giving up full time work.  Admittedly, it was a hard transition for me to go from working and performing full time to staying home with an infant. I struggled with depression and anxiety for about 18 months before I was truly able to enjoy my new role.

How do you make being a full-time-mommy enjoyable?

It’s fun interacting with other moms who have children similar ages to my own. Being a mom is easier when you can laugh with someone else who understands the less glamorous parts of your job.  I love helping my kids discover their talents and nurture them. It is so fun and rewarding to watch your kids try new things and succeed.  I love this part of being a parent!

Continuing to make time for my own interests and hobbies is huge for me. I spend two afternoons a week, a total of 4 1/2 hours, teaching piano and violin lessons at my home while a babysitter watches my kids.  I know they are being taken care of and I can focus on being a good teacher, something that was important before kids and remains important now.

Serena H., mom of 3, plus a baby on the way

Education: Master of Science degree in Speech-Language Pathology

Job Experience: worked as a speech, language, and swallowing therapist for two years prior to staying at home full time as a Mom.

Why did you become a stay-at-home mom?

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had a wonderful position as an SLP, working with children, teens, and seniors. I LOVED my job and made great money, but I knew I loved our baby even more.  When I told my boss that I was planning to quit working to stay home with our son, I was shocked to hear her reply, “What a waste.”

There were a number of qualified SLPs out there who could provide excellent therapy to my clients, but I was the only one who could be a mother to my son. I felt then, just as passionately as I do now, that it is an extreme blessing and a privilege to be a mother.  Don’t let anyone tell you your professional talents, or particular skills are being “wasted” because you choose to put your career on hold!

For children, love is often spelled T-I-M-E.  I knew that I wanted to be there when my children woke up in the morning, I wanted to be the one to kiss any boo-boos, to make them giggle, to send them to time-out when they needed it, to teach them to be kind, and tell them they were unique and wonderful.  I wanted them to know they were worth my time. Especially while my babies are small. There is such a small window of opportunity that will influence these precious little ones so much.  Work will always be there when I’m ready to go back.

How do you make being a full-time-mommy enjoyable?

My favorite parts about being a stay at home mom are the little moments that I know I’d miss if I were working outside our home. Like having my son run over and throw his arms around me, shouting, “Mommy!” when I go volunteer at his school. Or watching our four-year-old daughter rock her baby sister before a nap. These are the precious and fleeting moments that are mine to hold forever because I was there to experience them. Connecting with other stay at home moms makes a fun job even more enjoyable. Knowing that our successes and failures are similar helps me feel connected and supported in mothering. Plus, getting together with other moms and their kiddos for a play date, or trip to the library for story time is just plain fun!

Christine G., mom of 2

Education: B.S. in Communication and a PHR (Professional in Human Resources)

Job Experience: Director of Human Resources with a total of 12 years experience in HR

Why did you become a stay-at-home-mom?

This was actually a very tough decision for me.  I loved working, but missed my son.  I decided to stay home when I was pregnant with my second child because I didn’t feel I could give 100% to my job.  Also, my son was moved from the infant room to the toddler room at his daycare and I didn’t feel he was getting the same level of care in the new room.  I felt like I had missed so many of his firsts and didn’t want to miss any others.  I wanted to be there for all of my second child’s firsts.  I also felt I could give my kids so many more experiences if I stayed home with them.  They could see the world, rather than stay in one room for 10 hours a day.

How do you make being a full-time-mommy enjoyable?

I enjoy scheduling lots of activities for my kids.  We get out of the house a lot, going to story time, gymnastics, swimming, tae kwon do, the park, the zoo, or play dates.  My favorite time of the day is lunch.  We eat together and each take a turn making up a crazy story.  After lunch, we cuddle and read stories before nap/quiet time.  I found it’s important to make time for myself to have energy to give to my family.  So I do hot yoga, walk with a friend, go on an occasional girls weekend, or go to book club once a month.

****

Countless times I’ve been asked the question, “So what do you do?” 

I always struggle with the answer.  I want to tell people I am a teacher, but I’m technically not right now, so usually I end up replying,

“I’m just a mom.”

I know that leaves them with the assumption that I am a), b), c) or all the misconceptions from above, but I hope the smile on my face shows them how happy I am being a mom.

Why do I love being a stay-at-home mom so much?  Because I love them so much.  They are amazing little human beings that are sometimes annoying, but mostly adorable, and funny, sweet, and innocent.  Being at home with my kids is like getting a second crack at a childhood I have little memory of.  This time, I get a front-row seat to the “Let It Go” concert, sung with opera singer gusto.  I get to see the light in their eyes when we feed the ducks.  I get to be there when the first snow falls, to help them build their very first snowman (also named Gus…it’s a very popular name).

I love being a mom because it challenges me.  No day is ever the same, and believe me, I never get bored.  Exhausted yes, but never bored.  I am learning that true love involves sacrifice, and when you give up something important for someone, like a career, it makes that person even more precious.

Will my kids even remember what I’m doing for them?

I don’t know.  But it doesn’t matter.  Victor Hugo’s beautiful adage at the end of Les Miserables will forever inspire my parenting,

“To love another person is to see the face of God.”

My kids may not sing my praises every time I wash their soccer jerseys, or even say thanks when I cut the crusts off their sandwiches, but when you love someone, you’re not seeking recognition or promotion.  You do it simply because you love them, and love is enough.  That love changes you forever.

So if you’re tinkering with the idea of becoming a stay-at-home mom, let this be a mark in the “Yes!” column.  If you are neck-deep in full-time mommy hood, know you’re not alone.  If you are a hard working mama with a thriving career…you go girl!  We support you.  And if you are a former stay-at-home mom, wondering if it was worth it, it most definitely was.

Finally, if you catch yourself saying, “I’m just a mom,” stop and slap yourself on the wrist.  After all, would you say, “I’m just a brain surgeon”?  You are a MOM!  No regrets…the yoga pants are optional.

The headlines are everywhere. You seriously can’t miss it, even if you deliberately set out to NOT find it.

It’s a Mormon feminist controversy that’s triggering debates, memes, articles, furiously-written status updates, and doubts. It all started with a movement called Ordain Women, and since then it’s transformed and morphed into conversations about possible pending excommunications, human rights, sexism, and faults within the way the Mormon church is run.

I’ve sat back since writing my first article regarding Mormon feminists and have simply watched it happen, realizing that if I stay on board this train it might negatively impact my readers. And from the looks of other blogs, other Mormon writers, and even other friends who simply continue to voice opinions on how the church needs to change, I can see that I was right. This conversation is not just a church conversation now. It’s a world conversation. And it’s hurting more than Mormon feminists.

On what started out as a cry for understanding among church leaders has now taken a turn to be a cry into the world, prompting non-members and those of different faiths to feel sorry for us, fight harder against our teachings, and look toward the Mormon church with distaste. Friends of mine who at one point took genuine interest in learning about my church now see the articles and the heatwave from this controversy and say beneath their breath, “Looks like I was right all along. It’s a man’s church.”

And it’s not. We’re spreading lies–most of the time unintentionally.

Now I’m an advocate for questions. As a journalist it’s in my nature to be quizzical *and often skeptical* and to always ask “Well, why’s that?”. But I also firmly believe that you need to pay attention to who you’re asking the questions to, and what your motive behind the question is. Your question might be someone else’s stumbling block.

The group of women who first rose up with this question had every right to ask the questions within their church community, to their bishops, counselors, home teachers, or spouses. They had every right to pray and ask of God and to do scripture searching and soul searching to identify their pains, seek answers, and find peace. But the opportunity left as soon as packs of people demanded to be let in to priesthood session, held signs in public that non-members in passing could read and shake their heads at, spoke to newspaper reporters about the oppression of the church, and spoke negatively about a church they often say they love. Questions turned into protests and backlash and anger that were soon fanning the flames of contempt against an already misunderstood gospel.

And it breaks my heart.

I’ve seen bloggers and columnists say that it breaks their hearts that these feminists are hurting. I understand that.

But it breaks my heart even more that these personal struggles are thwarting God’s work. What should have been a personal journey for answers has turned into a hiccup for my friend who had one foot in the door and now hesitates to believe me when I say that I’m an equal with my husband. It has turned into debates about equality instead of conversations about a loving Heavenly Father who values his daughters and sons equally and gives them such significant roles in life. It has turned missionaries away from doors because of misconceptions, and it has turned active members into bitter, saddened skeptics who listen to the voices screaming from the internet rather than the gentle, truthful voice of the spirit.

When Christ walked the earth, not once did he sit before his disciples and spark doubt by asking one of them why something had to be. In fact, in the darkest of times, even the times when he felt betrayed by God, he went on his knees before anything–privately communing with the One who gives answers to all questions. It’s okay, obviously, to discuss issues among those whom you trust or who might have advice or an answer to help you, but why discuss things among those whom you’re trying to uplift, strengthen, or teach? Especially on social media, when countless eyes are watching you and learning about your religion through what you say?

We’re forgetting who we are.

We’re forgetting why we’re here.

And worst of all–we’re hurting those we’ve been sent to help. And that’s the biggest shame of all.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

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Hey there everybody, I’m packing my bags to head to Phoenix Comic Con right now, and after that I’ll be doing some events in Texas as well, so I figured I’d give y’all a heads-up as to where and when I’ll be.

• Tempe and Phoenix
  

For those of you who live in Phoenix but who aren’t really convention-goers, I’ve got a signing the night before the convention starts on Wednesday (meaning tonight). It’s at Changing Hands Bookstore.

Wednesday, June 4
7pm MST
Changing Hands Bookstore
6428 S McClintock Dr.
Tempe, Arizona 85283
Facebook Event

After that, most of my events will be at the convention itself. So if you live in the area, or are otherwise interested in going, they’ve still got badges available, and they’ll be selling some onsite as well.

Here’s my schedule:

Thursday, June 5
7:00pm-8:00pm Books and Authors Kickoff – North 127 AB
With Carrie Vaughn, Charlaine Harris, John Scalzi, L.E. Modesitt Jr, Naomi Novik, Paul & Storm, Pierce Brown, and Scott Lynch

Friday, June 6
11:30am-12:30-ish – Signing – VIP20

4:30pm-5:30pm, Magic Systems: Urban Fantasy Vs. Epic Fantasy – North 132
With Jaye Wells, Jim Butcher, Myke Cole, and Stephen Blackmoore

8:30pm-10:30pm Paul & Storm Concert, with Patrick Rothfuss and John Scalzi – North Ballroom 120

This is going to be an epic event. I know you think I’m just saying that, but you have no idea. It’s already Paul & Storm, John Scalzi, and me. But we’ve talked to a few other cool folks who are going to be at the con, and there will be surprise guests who pop in and out as the show goes on. It’s going to be like a mini W00tstock.

They’ve got us in the largest ballroom at the con, so lots of people will be able to attend. If you’re going to pick one day and one event to go to, this is it.

Also, I’m thinking of doing my first ever public reading of the Auri book there. Just a piece of it. But still.

Saturday, June 7
12:00pm-1:00pm Spotlight on Patrick Rothfuss, Sheraton Valley of the Sun

1:30pm-2:30pm ish Signing – VIP20

4:30pm-5:30pm, Author Batsu Game – North 132
With Aprilynne Pike, Delilah S. Dawson, John Scalzi, Leanna Rene Heiber, Myke Cole, and Sam Sykes

Batsu is a type of Japanese game show where contestants are given a challenge-and punished if they fail to complete it. I can only imagine what this is going to be like, seeing the line-up of other authors involved….

Sunday, June 8
10:30am-11:30am, The Really Epic Epic Fantasy Panel – North 132
With Elizabeth Bear, L.E. Modesitt Jr, Melanie Rawn, Sam Sykes, and Scott Lynch

3:00pm-4:00pm Writing Rogues – North 132
With Jim Butcher, Kevin Hearne, Pierce Brown, Sam Sykes, and Scott Lynch

4:30pm-5:30pm Signing – VIP20

Amanda has been mourning the fact that she couldn’t come on this trip with me for a long time, and for good reason. There are going to be some seriously cool people there, an cool things to do. If you can go, you should make a point to do so, even if for only one day.

• Austin and Dallas

After the convention, I’ll be flying to Austin to touch base with Brian Brushwood to learn how to eat, and potentially breathe, fire.

Possibly to eat fire then breathe it back up. That seems to be the way it should work, right?

Am I nervous? Well… Yes. I mean, I’m learning how to Breathe Fire around someone whose last name is Brushwood. That’s pretty much tempting fate to fuck with you.

But he’s a professional, and besides, I promised to do it as one of the Worldbuilders Stretch goals last year, so at this point I’m pretty much honor-bound to follow through on my own stupid promises.

On top of learning how to breathe fire, I (meaning Amanda) got a signing set up with less than a week of lead time.

The bookstore is a bunch of truly awesome people, and if you’re anywhere even remotely near Austin, you should make a point of coming to this signing to show your support of enthusiastic, passionate local bookstores.

Monday, June 9
7pm CST
BookPeople
603 N. Lamar Blvd
Austin, Texas 78703
Facebook Event

I’d particularly like it if y’all shared this event, since it’s happening on such short notice.

After Austin, I’ll be meandering over to Dallas to do a show with Paul & Storm. I love doing these shows with them, and it’s always a good time. If you’re anywhere near the Dallas area, you should consider coming out and seeing it, especially if you’ve never seen Paul & Storm live before. These shows are a special kind of cool, and there’s always the chance that you’ll get to see me embarrass myself singing…

Wednesday, June 11
8pm CST
An Evening with Pat Rothfuss and Paul & Storm
Granada Theater
3524 Greenville Ave.
Dallas, TX, 75206
Facebook Event
Buy Tickets

And then I’ll get to come home, hold my baby and watch Oot play, and then work on the book some more.

If any of you know of people in these areas that might be interested that I’m swinging by, I’d appreciate it if you’d help spread the news to them, as I don’t get down into that part of the world very often.

Be seeing some of you soon. As for the rest of you, you’ll have to be content with the eventual video of me lighting myself on fire….

pat

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Today is the final day to get the Epic Fantasy Bundle (which includes The Emperor’s Soul if you’re outside the UK and associated territories) from StoryBundle. After 11:00 p.m. Mountain time today, the bundle will no longer be available. By the way, the winners of yesterday’s contest are Ashley Wilson-Rew, Matthew Holmes, Matt Jarchow, Prem, and Tess. Check for an email from my assistant Peter Ahlstrom and make sure to download your books tonight before the bundle offer expires!

The official Words of Radiance book tour is over (see yesterday’s post for a list of bookstores with signed books), but I’m doing an extra signing this Saturday in Salt Lake City at the Barnes & Noble in Sugarhouse starting at 3:00 p.m. This signing will go pretty much like the signings on the tour, but I hope it won’t last five hours. Anyway, I’ll sign any book I wrote that you bring, but it’s nice to support the store hosting me by buying something while you’re there. I will also do a reading and public Q&A (don’t worry, no spoilers for Words of Radiance will be allowed!). See the event listing for full details.

I also signed a bunch of books during the Literacy Promise conference, and those signed books are now at the Funfinity store in Springville, UT. Give them a call to see what’s left: (801) 491-8940

The Shardhunt is still ongoing. The most recent unlockable was a discussion of the back-and-forth development process for the Whitespine page from Shallan’s Sketchbook in Words of Radiance. (You can see the final versions of all of the art pages here.)

Here are some more stores that are participating in the Shardhunt. Give them a call to see if they have any books left that include signed bookplates and Szeth die-cut standup cards.

• Asheville, NC: Malaprop’s Bookstore and Cafe (828) 254-6734 (Thanks, Erin!)
• Hamilton, MT: Chapter One Book Store (406) 363-5220 (Say hi to Mara!)
• Homewood, AL: Books-A-Million (205) 870-0213 (Thanks, Lyndsie!)
• New Orleans, LA: Octavia Books (504) 899-READ (Say hi to Tom!)
• Coral Gables, FL: Books & Books (305) 442-4408 (Thanks, Noah!)
• Hanover, MD: Books-A-Million (443) 755-0210 (Say hi to Kaye!)
• San Francisco, CA: Books Inc. (415) 864-6777 (Thanks, Larry!)

And here are a few more airport stores where I signed books and inserted Szeth cards (or Syl and koloss stickers, if I ran out of the Szeth cards). Sometimes these get snapped up very quickly, but sometimes they stick around for weeks, so if you’re traveling through these airports be sure to check.

• SLC: Simply Books by gate C6
• MSP: Store by gate F5, and the “mall” store
• MKE: Newsstand by gate D30
• ORD: Barbara’s Books in E gates
• PHL: Heritage Books between B & C gates
• Philadelphia 30th St. train station: Faber Books
• DAY: Heritage Booksellers

Lastly, here’s something very much out of the normal swing of things. Rick Martin on Facebook posted these photos of two The Way of Kings-related Lego builds: the Battle of the Tower and the Chasmfiend hunt. The detail on these is amazing. Check out the full gallery here (but note that it contains spoilers if you haven’t read The Way of Kings yet!).

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If you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time, or following me on any type of social media you realize that I’m a game player.

So it’s probably not a surprise that I like playing games with my little boy.

You probably also realize that I’m something of a hyper-critical curmudgeonly fuck. Which means I find a lot of things irritating.

For example, Candy Land:

(This is what my version looked like when I was a kid.)

I’m not going to go off on some screed about game design here….

Ah hell. That’s a lie. I’m so going to. I didn’t mean to. I was just going to come in here and tell a cute story about my kid and then get out under 600 words. But I’ve kinda have to get this out or I’ll probably burst a vessel or something. I really shouldn’t keep this shit bottled up. I promise it will be a smallish, well-reasoned screed. Okay?

Dear everyone: Kids games should be games.

I know, I know. The main things we get from kid’s games isn’t competition. It isn’t intellectual stimulation. We’re not playing Traveler, here. We’re not looking for the subtle intricacies of Go. I get that. There are two primary things a kid’s game provides:

1. It gives you an excuse to hang out with your kids.

2. It gives your kids the basics of how to play a game.

This second one is not to be underestimated. When I started playing with Oot a year or so ago, I was amazed at how much of it wasn’t natural. The concept of taking turns, following rules. They need to be learned.

So yeah. I know those are the two biggies that you’re getting when you play a kid’s game. But you can still have some *game* in there.

Think about it. The main purpose of food is to get calories and nutrients, right? But we don’t just sit down and eat two cups of lard and a multivitamin, do we?

No. We do not. Not twice at any rate.

*     *     *

I remember playing Candy Land with my mom. It was fun. But I was a kid back then, so the bar for fun was fairly low. Pretty much anything a kid does with their loving parent is going to be fun. When I was older, my mom confessed that she’d gotten really tired of Candy Land. She used to hide the low-level candy cards because they made the game last forever.

Tedium is not the mark of a good game.

I felt a connection with my mom when, after playing Candy Land a couple times with Oot, I began to do the same thing. Because it *is* a tedious game, and not just for adults. Oot himself would start to zone out partway through the game. Not because he has a poor attention span, Oot will sit and read books for hours. He’ll work a puzzle on his own.

No. He’s bored because the game is tedious. And it’s tedious because there is no skill involved. You draw a card, you look at a card, you match a color, you move your piece.

Games that involve no skill are not good games.

Yesterday, after months of not playing, we brought out the game again and took another crack at it. Because he wanted to, and he asked nicely. And I can deal with some tedium if it makes him happy.

But we changed the game a little bit. We added a house rule where you drew two cards and got to pick which one you wanted.

With this small change, Candy Land became an actual game.

Sure there was still a huge random element to it, but now there was some skill as well. You had to make decisions.

So what will it be, my little man? Green or red?

Suddenly, this game became fun for both of us. Not only was the race to the castle *much* faster. But you didn’t have to fear getting a “backer.” (Which is what Oot calls it when you get a card that makes you go backwards.)

Most important of all, there was suddenly some choice involved. He had a reason to pay attention. Which card do you want? Which will move you farther?

What really impressed me was when he got to this point on the board.

“Oh no,” he said. “I hope I don’t get a green!”

(He didn’t want to get stuck in the Licorice Pit, you see. If you land on that particular green square, you lose your next turn.)

I took my turn and moved, then he took his turn and drew a double green and a double orange.

“I pick the two greens because I like green,” he said. Then he picked up his piece and looked at the board. He set his piece down again. “No. Wait,” he said. “I want the oranges instead.”

I tell you, I practically burst with pride and joy.

With this one simple rule change, the game became engaging for both of us. He even taunted me.

Which, as far as I’m concerned, is as vital a part of game playing as learning to take turns and follow rules.

The crafty little bastard even tried to coffeeshop me when I drew the popsicle.

He’s like, “You should take the double blue, dad.”

Again, I glow with pride. That’s my boy. If you can’t win by the cards, you win the game with your mouth.

I beat him the first game. I was tempted to throw it, because I could tell he wanted to win. But that’s not doing him any favors. That’s another thing games teach us: how to lose. How to deal with disappointment. How to deal with the fact that sometimes, you just get shitty cards and there’s nothing you can do to fix it. And that sucks. Rub some dirt on it. Happens to everyone.

Also, Oot already taught me what happens when you don’t play straight with kids:

So I played that first game straight and beat him. He took it well, and because the game was shorter with the two-draw house rule, he was willing to jump right back in for a re-match. And, because it hadn’t been a tedious random trawl through sugar mountain, I was happy to give it another go too.

The second game I got an early lead again, and *really* considered throwing it. But I didn’t, and he won anyway. So that’s a good lesson for me, too: Sometimes I should just leave well enough alone.

It was also cool to see him get better at choosing which cards to pick. He’d always pick the doubles over the singles. But originally he liked to pick blue and green because he liked those colors better.

I didn’t tell him he was wrong, I just took my own turns and talked to myself, saying. “Hmmm. If I go to the blue, I go this far. If I take the orange, I go *this* far. I think I’ll take the orange, because it’s farther.”

By the second game, he was doing the same thing. Because kids are smart. They’re built to learn.

Why am I sharing this?

Well, partly because I love talking about games, and I love talking about my boy.

But I’m also telling you this story because I’m guessing a lot of you have kids, or you *will* have kids in the future. Or you’ll at least play with some kids. And this was such a simple, elegant fix to a classic children’s game that I couldn’t help but share it.

If any of you have suggestions for good kid’s games you’d like to share, I’d love to hear about them in the comments below.

Play nice everyone,

pat

So the JoCoCruiseCrazy IV was amazing. I have many feelings and memories and pictures to share, but I’m in this sad little bag of post-cruise ennui, and until I can get past it, here’s a video that the amazing Molly Lewis shot on the cruise.

So Victor and I just had a discussion about which superhero we would be if we could and it quickly escalated into a giant disagreement about who was considered a superhero and who wasn’t.  Specifically, we almost went to fist-city over whether Mighty Mouse and Underdog are superheroes.  They are.  Victor says they aren’t because “they’re crappy”.

me: Underdog is a totally a superhero.  He fights crime.

Victor: No one thinks a damn dog is a hero.  If you think a dog is your hero you’ve made pretty poor choices in your life.

me:  I bet the people he’s saved think he’s a hero.

Victor:  No one thinks that dog is a hero.  They’re happy they got their stuff back but they don’t want to grow up to be a dog in a cape.  And that’s the difference between characters and real superheros.

me:  I think anyone can be a superhero.  It’s all about intent to solve crime and superhuman abilities.

Victor: What about Garfield?  He has super-human abilities.

me:  What’s he fighting?  Mondays?  Lasagna?

Victor:  What about Rocky and Bullwinkle?

me:  Huh.  Dammit.

Victor:  AHA!

me:  Wait.  They fight super villains so I’m gonna say yes.  Superheroes.

Victor: Indiana Jones.

me:  Um…he’s a hero, but not a superhero. “Super” implies supernatural or superhuman strength.

Victor:  He’s immortal.

me:  He’s not immortal.

Victor: You haven’t seen him die yet, have you?

me:  By that logic, I’m immortal.

Victor:  Okay…Batman.  No superpowers.  Major superhero.  BAM.

me:  Shit.  Well…he has…superhuman wealth?

Victor:  So Richie Rich is superhero?

me:  His job is not to solve crime.

Victor:  He stops robberies all the time.

me:  Of his own money.  Doesn’t count.

Victor:  Captain Caveman?

me:  Well…he’s got a cape.  Um…yes?

Victor:  Fred Flintstone?

me:  What superpower does Fred Flintstone have?

Victor:  No one else can eat like him.

me:  It’s about intent, Victor. Intent to solve crimes that don’t benefit you.

Victor:  Casper the Friendly ghost.  That guy was always stopping robbers.  Not a superhero.

me:  Agreed.  But his intent wasn’t to go find robbers.  His intent was go hit on Wendy and be friendly.  Stopping robbers is just a side effect of being  nice.  Besides, he was already dead so he wasn’t risking anything.

Victor: Scooby doo.

me:  Ooh….good one.

Victor:  Exactly.

me:  Well, he solved crimes, but he didn’t want to solve crimes.  And I wouldn’t say he’s superhuman.  So, no.

Victor:  He’s a talking dog who eats sandwiches. Is that normal dog behavior?

me:  All dogs eat sandwiches.

Victor:  He MAKES sandwiches.  But fine…Doctor Who.  

me:  Ooh.  Hmmmmmmmm…no?  He’s superhuman and super awesome, but his intent is really just to explore and have fun and then he finds himself having to save the universe while he’s doing it.  But he doesn’t purposely go out looking for crime.  Although the TARDIS sort of does, but I think still no.

Victor:  So Scooby Doo and Doctor Who are the same.  

me:  Bite your tongue.

Victor:  If neither are superheroes then by your logic, the Doctor is one heart and a big sandwich away from Scooby Doo.

me:  Blasphemy.

Victor:  Tony the Tiger?  He’s an seven-foot-tall talking tiger who helps kids with nutrition.

me:  That’s not a crime.

Victor:  When kids don’t have a good breakfast everyone suffers.

me: Seriously?

Victor:  I mean, I don’t think he is either.  I’m just showing you all the holes in your logic.  Because they’re huge.

Point?  I’m not sure which of us is right and now I’m questioning my own sanity for even having this conversation.  So help me out and give me your opinion.

Ugh. 

I sort of already hate myself from weighing in on this but people keep asking me to tweet about it and forward their petitions, and I really thought it would quiet down by now but it hasn’t, so I’m going to give my big, fat, stupid, irrelevant and probably wrong opinion on the changes Disney made from the original I-might-trust-her-to-babysit-my-kid-when-she’s-a-little-older Merida to get-the-fuck-away-from-my-husband Merida.

There are all sorts of calls to action to get Disney to admit that the new Merida looks a bit skanky and they’ve met with some success and that’s awesome.  Go team.  I hope you succeed.  But (in my opinion – stop yelling at me) the majority of people do not give a shit.  Mostly because we’re busy personally teaching our kids what strong women look like instead of letting Disney do it for us.  And in a way, Disney did us a favor here.  Did you have a talk with your kid about the new Merida? Because if you didn’t you missed a good opportunity to see where your kid stands on this, and to talk to them about over-sexualization.

I showed the new Merida to my eight-year-old and she assumed that it was Merida’s evil twin.  Which actually would make an awesome story, and personally I plan to tell stray children I see buying backpacks with the new Merida on them that the original Merida was eaten by the new Evil Merida because she was so hungry.  And they will probably believe it because seriously, look at her waist…the girl needs a damn sandwich.

Anyway, my incredibly dumb and probably ill-informed point is that it’s really uncomfortable to see a strong, child-like character get tarted up and flash bedroom eyes at you, but it’s equally sucky to rely on a giant corporation to teach your kids what strong women look like.  Strong women look like Amelia Earhart, Rosie the Riveter, Asmaa Mahfouz, or Elizabeth Smart. Or Wonder Woman, or Sally Ride or Sojourner Truth, or Amy Poehler, or Ada Lovelace, or Anne Frank.  Or your grandmother.

Or you.

I support and admire the men and women who speak out in the cause of feminism, but let’s not lose sight of the fact that there are so many amazing women who may never end up on a lunch box (Wonder Woman and Word Girl excluded) but who can make a great difference in the life and perceptions of our sons and daughters.

Okay.  Your turn.  Who’s your favorite female hero?

PS.  There aren’t any right or wrong answers here.  It’s totally okay to like pretty dresses and sexy princesses.  It’s totally okay not to.  No judgment.  Probably.

by Doug Allen

Drew Gardner views reality TV shows like Killer Karaoke - “essentially a mash-up of American Idol and Fear Factor” – as microcosms of the current capitalist economy:

Capitalist economic systems require one central point of internal logic for them to function; in order to constantly expand profits, workers must be paid less than the value their work creates, ideally as little as possible, as little as the labor market will bear. In classical economic theory, new value only comes from one place, labor. In order to concentrate wealth for owners, shareholders and managers, this surplus value is then concentrated into financial instruments and forms of rent that charge the workers who created the value in the first place. It is a parasitic relationship.

Reality TV contestants are an excellent object for this kind of relationship, because they are a disposable, easily replaced group of workers. Because their working conditions are not regulated by the Screen Actor’s Guild, contestants can work unusually long hours. … Most agree to work for food and shelter during the time they are being filmed, in hopes that the exposure might lead to some future opportunity, if not just for the sheer narcissistic reward of appearing on television.

Alyssa Rosenberg adds:

Hotels, big-box stores, and other employers that rely heavily on low-wage workers increasingly seem to have tested, and found, the floor for what they can ask employees to do and still find a steady stream of labor without provoking union organizing drives. But unlike reality television, low-wage American jobs were never going to offer massive prizes to a few workers to defuse more general discontent about compensation and working conditions. In the lottery that is the American economy, if you promise millions of dollars to a single person, you’ll be able to take many millions more from even those who know they’re getting played for suckers—particularly if you’re asking them to participate in one bad subset of the economy because the one they long to escape is worse.

What happens? Bad news, that's what happens. My favorite part is the older brother's plaintive plea at the end: "Why do they even make Baby Lightsabers?!"

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