Sairen42

News since last week: The house we liked the most from last weekend got an offer the same day we went to go see it, so someone else was the lucky winner there. We liked it a lot, but not enough to put an offer on it immediately. Someone else liked it more. They got a good house, so good for them. Also, we got our loan pre-approval this week. It’s somewhat important that the bank is pretty sure we can borrow money from them, so that’s good news!

Today, we visited four houses. This house was the first house:

And really, we should’ve just stopped there. There was one other reasonably nice house, but after this one they all looked pretty poor. This house was a tough act to follow. It’s been very, very well maintained, and where it’s been updated, it’s been updated beautifully. The roof is a few years old, the siding is vinyl and looks very good. Lots of other things are new, and even what’s not new has been kept up very well. There are a lot of floors we’d have to replace, and the fence would need upgrading, but we like this house enough that doing so would be worth it. Aside from those things, there’s really nothing that would have to immediately change for us to move in, which is very, very nice. Stay tuned for updates on this one!

wait, are you Scottish? I thought you were from Birmingham this is unrelated but do you consider Coventry "the north" Do they not have cell phones in Scotland? Wait, did he just say "did you hear the truth squeaking?" Is everyone okay Why are they complaining about creaks in this beautiful mansion, that seems churlish Why can't they all agree on having one to three accents, I count six people and 900 accents in this one scene Why is she so relaxed about what is obviously a haunted house When was that guy hitting on her, I stopped watching, what's happening

During this year’s E3, a new trailer for BioWare’s upcoming game Mass Effect: Andromeda was released, calling upon players “to build a new home for humanity” in the Andromeda galaxy. Much like last year’s N7 Day video, the trailer beautifully called back to humanity’s own history of spaceflight, reflecting on our “drive to seek out the undiscovered, [and] push beyond our limits.” But amidst the orchestrated music and stirring visuals is the realization that this game is the story of a colonial expedition, a search for new land where humanity may live.

This is the unfortunate truth of how space exploration is conceptualized, both in real life and in our fiction. Our incentives for travelling to the stars are to strip asteroids of their minerals, to establish bases and colonies, and for humanity’s presence to reach out into the universe. There is something genuinely inspirational about those goals, something I’m sure many scientists and fans of science fiction (including myself) have experienced firsthand. There’s nothing quite like looking up at a night sky and thinking to oneself, “I could go there one day. I could touch those stars.” We have a want to find answers to what we do not understand, to travel to places beyond our reach. Those impulses have led humanity to do many great things, but also have fueled some of the greatest acts of violence people have committed.

The rhetoric that taps into those impulses, of “reach[ing] for new heights and reveal[ing] the unknown” is used both by fiction like Mass Effect and real space agencies, such as NASA. But it’s also the same rhetoric used to describe colonial figures such as Christopher Columbus, as a way to erase their violent histories. Despite clear historical proof Columbus’ expedition was aimed at the acquisition of gold and slaves, he is still characterized as a brave explorer, who went into the unknown for the betterment of humanity. He is put alongside people like Neil Armstrong or the Wright brothers, as a part of a (Western) legacy of human exploration that must continue.

That this rhetoric has been used to justify unfathomable violence should be of great concern to those of us that view the exploration of outer space as a virtuous endeavor. Up until now, this hasn’t been a concern because of both the technological limitations of our travel and the absence of any life with which conflict may arise. Armstrong’s arrival on the Moon – though highly political within the context of the Cold War – cannot be compared to Columbus’ blood-soaked “exploration” of the Americas. But with NASA’s Space Launch System (SLS) preparing for its first launch in 2018 and pointed towards Mars – the most likely place to find life within our Solar System – space exploration as an extension of colonial violence could become a reality within our lifetimes. There are already groups looking into commercial asteroid mining for the near future, and as humans begin to visit Mars and the Moon more permanently, questions of ownership over those spaces will arise as well.

The notion that space exploration and colonialism are connected isn’t something new, and has been addressed by science fiction for some time, though usually without a positive outlook towards humanity’s future. Films like James Cameroon’s Avatar or Ridley Scott’s Alien depict a future where humanity uses outer space to mine for resources. And though Avatar shows a group of individuals turning against that mining operation and joining with the indigenous population, there is no envisioned future where humanity ceases such operations completely. Star Wars depicts a future (well, technically a past) where trade corporations and dictatorships flourish while democracy flounders. But how do we envision a future where there is no Empire to begin with? Star Trek comes closest to achieving this, imagining a future without currency, where various species coexist within a Federation, and the Prime Directive preaches non-interference above all. But even the Federation grapples with the deeply colonial overtones of its existence, something often explored through the show but not given the nuance it deserves in comparison to more straightforward conflicts, especially on the big screen. If the most common depictions of the end-result of humanity’s space exploration are filled with mining operations and fascist or quasi-neoliberal governing bodies, how can we expect the future of our reality to be any different?

Science fiction has always had a profound impact on human spaceflight, with shows like Star Trek inspiring generations of astronomers and engineers to work towards a spacefaring future. Perhaps in the same way the communicator allowed us to dream up the cell phone, or the Nostromo’s mining expedition imagined asteroid mining as a reality, Mass Effect or similar works of fiction can help us explore our methods of exploration, challenge us to consider the damage an interstellar colonial project could cause, and force us to dream of a better way. A future where we explore space not as conquerors or colonizers, but observers to the universe, seeking to understand and not impose. Where instead of finding more ways to harvest material resources, we discover more forms of renewable energy. Where our interactions with new life are not based on the imposition of power, but respect and consensual collaboration.

These notions may sound fanciful, but that’s the point of science fiction: to dream stories of the impossible, planting ideas that may one day become realities. Whether this anti-colonial approach is where Mass Effect: Andromeda’s story will go, we will only find out early next year upon release. Regardless, we need stories that lead us towards a decolonized vision of space exploration, with nuanced representations of the diversity we have on Earth, and bold imaginings of what humanity’s part is in whatever lies beyond. If the next generation of scientists and explorers grow up with stories like that sparking their minds and imaginations, humanity has a chance of breaking away from our violent past (and present), to discover a better future among the stars.

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Some recent research suggests that if you're feeling anxious, saying "I am excited" can switch your heightened emotional state from negative (anxiety) to positive (excitement).

It's also counterintuitive: When most people feel anxious, they likely tell themselves to just relax. "When asked, 'how do you feel about your upcoming speech?', most people will say, 'I'm so nervous, I'm trying to calm down,'" said Alison Wood Brooks, a professor at Harvard Business School who has studied the phenomenon. She cites the ubiquitous "Keep Calm and Carry On" posters as partial evidence.

But that might be precisely the wrong advice, she said. Instead, the slogan should be more like, "Get Amped and Don't Screw Up."

That's because anxiety and excitement are both aroused emotions. In both, the heart beats faster, cortisol surges, and the body prepares for action. In other words, they're "arousal congruent." The only difference is that excitement is a positive emotion' focused on all the ways something could go well.

Calmness is also positive, meanwhile, but it's also low on arousal. For most people, it takes less effort for the brain to jump from charged-up, negative feelings to charged-up, positive ones, Brooks said, than it would to get from charged-up and negative to positive and chill. In other words, its easier to convince yourself to be excited than calm when you're anxious.

Totally trying this the next time I'm anxious.

Tags: video

I’ve been doing this stupid and amusing thing on my Instagram for a few months, called The Pretentious Bullshit Collection.

For example:

And:

Or:

So you get the idea, right? Super pretentious, overwrought bullshit pictures of nothing, puffed up with wordy captions and declared to be art, but you probably don’t get it because it’s not for you. I guess it’s part serious art and part parody? It’s mostly parody.

I’ve been having so much fun with it, and so many people have enjoyed the sheer lunacy of the whole thing, I went ahead and made a very small, massively overpriced, hardback collection using some of my pictures. Go beyond the magical thing here to learn more about it:

Say hello to The Pretentious Bullshit Collection (selections), which will be available for a very short time, in what I imagine are very limited quantities because it’s insanely overpriced.

It’s 21 pages, introduced in the most pretentious way I could muster:

You have been granted an unprecedented view into the themes and leitmotif that weave to form the zeitgeist. It reveals itself only to the worthy.

Selections from this exquisite collection, presented here, challenge you to uncover the pulchritude, mystery, and meaning, within and without, from the deceptively mundane to the secretly transcendent.

Choose to see and your eyes will be opened.

I had a heck of a time finding the right voice, and committing to the bit, but I had fun, and now it’s done. If you have a stupid amount of money to throw at a stupid art project that you’re going to regret, it’s — wait. Let me try that again, in my pretentious voice:

This is a truly exceptional collection of images that you will likely not understand, but you are welcome to try. This will disappoint, confound, and challenge you. It is inscrutable, beyond your reach, and is probably not for you. But if you are willing to open your eyes, perhaps you will see.

People really talk like that, you know. I think it probably sounds good when it’s clacking out of a mechanical typewriter.

So now that this particular creative itch has been scratched, I’m going to go back to work on the real stuff.

“Get a pencil and your casebook out.” So began each episode of Ghostwriter, the brilliant children’s serial drama that ran on PBS from 1992 to 1995 on the strength of its simple premise: Viewers helped solve mysteries ranging from stolen backpacks to strange illnesses with the assistance of an enigmatic spirit that re-arranged letters and words into clues only visible to kids. Every episode, the show’s leads—Jamal, Lennie, Alex, Tina, Rob, and Gaby—would de-code the Ghostwriter’s messages to stop crime, make discoveries, or help their families and communities.  Shot mostly in the Fort Greene neighborhood of Brooklyn, the episodes were full of brownstones, bodegas, and people dressed in classic ’90s fashion. And, since the kids could only interact with the phantom by writing or typing, the series made for very literary television.

Like the kids on Ghostwriter, I was in middle school in the early 1990s and had my own marble notebook—one full of science fiction and sports stories that I was too embarrassed to show anyone but my family. I watched shows like The Twilight Zone and Tales from the Darkside, because I liked how sometimes even the smallest revision to reality could spin lives out of control. But those shows were clearly made for an older audience, while the equally compelling Ghostwriter starred kids like me—kids who wanted to create and share stories, who hunted for puzzles and codes in the mundane world. The series showed me the full richness of language—as a tool for social change, a way to create art, and a means of connecting with others—and ensured writing would remain a significant part of my life to this day.

It helped that the characters in Ghostwriter seemed chosen for their love of words. They were all budding poets, songwriters, gamers, trivia aficionados, and mystery lovers, demonstrating that there are myriad ways to engage with language. A few minutes into the first episode, Lennie sounds her way through a handwritten rap, showing kids how language needs to be worked and controlled in order to achieve clarity. Her friend Alex reads detective novels, which are exciting but also help hone his decoding and storytelling skills. Although a passion for words comes naturally to these kids, the arrival of Ghostwriter causes them to seek even deeper meaning in language and use it to spur action—a lesson I took to heart as a young viewer.

In the arc for “To Catch a Creep,” Alex is running for student president of Zora Neale Hurston Middle School, and the episode begins with him writing a campaign statement. He reads a draft to Lenni and Jamal, but it’s short and general, and his friends are unimpressed. “It’s a start,” Jamal says, but Lenni is more honest: Alex needs to be specific, and talk about what he will actually accomplish for the school. Though Alex is at first defensive, together, the three kids begin workshopping his draft, showing viewers the possibilities of constructive criticism. The episode also unpacked the kind of unglamorous labor and teamwork that often goes into good writing.

In its own way, Ghostwriter modeled the steps of writing for me. In fact, it was the only series I can remember that actually dramatized the creative process so thoroughly. (The rest of the episode involves the creation of a campaign film, for which Alex and his friends decide to make a storyboard.) Whether I was creating an outlandish tale of time-travel or crafting a spin-off scene from Amazing Spider-Man, I could see that process—no matter how embarrassing, or time-consuming—came before product. I learned early to embrace that drafts are often very different than final versions, and that collaboration with peers and editors was not simply necessary, but an enjoyable part of the creative process.

For all its supernatural qualities, Ghostwriter often focused on the humbling idea that literature—an endeavor sometimes seen as elitist or inaccessible—is for everyone and can bring people closer together. In the “Into the Comics” episode, Rob goes to a poetry reading at the Fort Greene Youth Center. He sits rapt while listening to Double-T, a homeless man whose poem ends with the line “the emperor of the sidewalk’s true kingdom / is only mapped-out in his head,” a sly nod to the interior freedom language offers. Rob introduces himself to Double-T after the reading, and says what he liked most about the poem was that it felt “real.” Rob says he wants to be a writer (even though his father would prefer he play baseball), and Double-T offers to mentor him.

The true wisdom of the episode comes from Double-T—a man most in society would see as powerless, and who writes, reads, and sells his instant poems on a street corner. Rob is unhappy about his father’s overbearing attitude but doesn’t know how to communicate with him, so Double-T tells him to write down his thoughts because “it can help you figure out what you want to say.” He explains that it is better than simply talking because “you can work on it until you get it right.” Poetry wasn’t something that I really grasped as a middle-schooler, but I certainly understood what it meant to sometimes struggle to adequately say what I felt. The poem that Rob writes for his father isn’t an immediate fix, but it does help them understand each other better. With this arc, Ghostwriter also captured an idea familiar to many writers—that sometimes to arrive at an idea, you need to simply get the words out and not worry about how you’re going to get there. When, like Rob, I worry too much about perfectly capturing how I feel, the emotions fall flat on the page. I’ve learned that my best writing surprises me.

Because of its format and the complicated ideas it explored, Ghostwriter was nothing like the other children’s shows of the early 1990s. Created by the Children’s Television Workshop—the same production company that made Sesame Street—and staffed by veterans of MTV, Ghostwriter was a live-action, dramatic show with a diverse cast. Unlike fantastical series such as The Magic School Bus and Wishbone, Ghostwriter featured kids with real lives—they went to school and navigated complex relationships with friends and family. The problems they encountered were often quite weighty: vandalism, arson, computer hacking, drug addiction, homelessness, and poverty. But in dealing with these more mature subjects, the show also indicated that it took its audience seriously.

Children’s game shows like Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? or instructional shows like Bill Nye the Science Guy never kept my interest—I wanted stories. Fortunately, Ghostwriter distinguished itself a series focused on full narratives. Each storyline would stretch across several half-hour episodes, requiring commitment and focus from its young audience the way a novel might. But we were rewarded with deeper characters and more intrigue than the average show for preteens. With casebooks in hand, our viewing experience was far from passive, and sometimes extended out of our living rooms to the actual classroom: Around 20 million copies of the companion Ghostwriter magazine were sent to schools around the country, and activity booklets gave students the chance to re-write characters and storylines—an early introduction to fan-fiction.

The pilot episode perhaps best captures Ghostwriter’s literary ethos. While Jamal is searching for an old trunk in the basement with his father (Samuel L. Jackson) the ghost flies out of an open book and illuminates a word on the back of Jamal’s t-shirt. At first Jamal is unaware of the spirit, but he soon learns that the Ghostwriter communicates by collecting and animating letters that appears on various objects—books, clothing, signs—or projecting messages on his computer screen. From the start, Ghostwriter implied that we are surrounded by both mysteries and language—and that the two are inextricably connected. Ghostwriter wasn’t an escape to a foreign land; it was an escape into one’s own mind. It suggested the possibility of finding strangeness, suspense, and wonder within real life.  

One riddle the characters themselves never solve is Ghostwriter’s identity. After the series ended, the writer Kermit Frazier revealed that Ghostwriter was a runaway slave “killed by slave catchers and their dogs as he was teaching other runaway slaves how to read in the woods.” Though viewers at the time wouldn’t have known this backstory, these tragic origins are also somehow fitting: During both his life and his existence as a spirit, Ghostwriter finds truth and freedom in words. He could have chosen to appear to anyone, but he picked a group of kids in Brooklyn—perhaps kids who needed to witness the transformative power of language most.

In an early episode of Ghostwriter, Jamal’s reaction to the Ghostwriter is an apt description of the series: “This is just weird enough to be really interesting.” Ghostwriter was about relatable kids who learned that their written words actually mattered. The show treated writing as both an internal and external act; a means of self-discovery and expression, as well as a necessary form of communication. A little weird, very smart, and sometimes pretty scary, Ghostwriter was the type of show that not only made me want to become a writer, but also revealed how faith in the unknown could light up the world around me.

Photographer Oliver Curtis visits famous landmarks and takes photos faced the wrong direction, capturing essentially what these landmarks see all day. From the top, the Taj Mahal, the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, and Stonehenge.

Tags: Oliver Curtis   photography

To determine which words are the most "metal", this data scientist wrote a program to sift through more than 22,000 albums to find the words most frequently used in heavy metal songs compared to their use in standard English. "Burn" is the most metal word, followed by "cries", "veins", "eternity", "breathe", and "beast". The least metal words?

particularly
indicated
secretary
committee
university
relatively
noted
approximately
chairman
employees

If you were to run an analysis on what I've written at kottke.org, I doubt it would be particularly metal. \m/

Tags: langauge   music

The Marvel Cinematic Universe is a blueprint everyone is trying to follow these days, but even Marvel has to come to terms with the realities behind all that interconnectivity. It might be fun to see, say, Daredevil, Jessica Jones, and Luke Cage come to the big screen and help out the Avengers, but it’s not likely to happen for logistical reasons more than anything else.

That’s what Marvel TV head Jeph Loeb explained at the Luke Cage panel for the Television Critics Association. (The TCA summer press tour is happening right now, so you’ll probably see a lot of TV news over the coming weeks.) He explained that, while some movie characters have managed to make appearances or cameos on TV, that’s probably all we’re likely to get between the two divisions of the MCU—in addition to all the obvious dialogue references.

/Film reports that Loeb said, “I can tell you that part of the challenge of doing this sort of thing is that the movies are planned out years in advance of what it is that we are doing. Television moves at an incredible speed. The other part of the problem is that when you stop and think about it, if I’m shooting a television series and that’s going to go on over a six-month or eight-month period, how am I going to get Mike [Colter] to be able to go be in a movie? I need Mike to be in a television show.”

Of course, because this is Marvel, Loeb also teased that “anything is possible,” which is sure to put our/your imaginations into overdrive. Even more enticing is that he mentioned that—if they were to do it—they’d prefer for the characters to really get their due rather than just walking through a scene as an Easter egg.

You know … the Defenders crossover of all the Netflix Marvel shows is supposed to be coming in 2017, and Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 in 2018, and Part 2 in 2019. Seems like there might be some wiggle room in schedules there … But I’ll leave the rampant speculation there for now.

(image via Marvel Entertainment/Netflix)

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In recent interviews, two of the Trump men — Donald himself, and his son Eric — each made comments regarding women and sexual harassment in the workplace that demonstrate how little they understand (or perhaps care) about the issue. Even worse, they used Ivanka Trump as an example to defend wholly anti-feminist rhetoric.

In an interview with Kirsten Powers at USA Today, when Donald Trump was asked about what he’d think if someone harassed his daughter Ivanka the way his friend Roger Ailes, former chief at Fox, has been accused of doing to female employees, Trump gave the most clueless of responses. He said, “I would like to think she would find another career or find another company if that was the case.”

No words about how gross the harassment itself is? No desired repercussions for the perpetrator of said harassment? M’kay.

According to Mediaite, in a later interview on CBS This Morning, Eric Trump defended his dad’s comment by sort-of denouncing sexual harassment saying, “Listen, we all run a company, my father runs a company, that is an absolute no-go anywhere, and that’s very much the case.” If you go over to Mediaite and watch the video of the interview, you’ll see that the middle Trump son is not really great with the whole Putting Words Into Sentences thing, so a part of the awkwardness of this can be chalked up to him just not speaking well.

But his words are “that is an absolute no-go anywhere,” and he stumbles and stutters for those words, clearly worried about answering this questions. “No-go” can mean anything. “No-go” as in that behavior is not tolerated, or just doesn’t happen. “No-go” as in “we’re not going to go there” (i.e., talk about it or address it in any way).

However, it’s the second part of his statement regarding his father’s comments about Ivanka that was even more problematic:

“Ivanka is a strong, powerful woman. She wouldn’t allow herself to be, you know, objected [sic] to it.”

Because she was a “strong person,” Eric said, she probably would go to human resources if it did happen. “At the same time, I don’t think she would allow herself to be subjected to that. I think that’s the point he was making and he did so well.”

Mister Trumps Plural, if you have the time to read this while going around pretending to be “regular guys,” allow me to fill you in on the main reasons why all of these comments are garbage:

1. Sexual harassment is not something to which you “allow” or “don’t allow” yourself to be subjected (or objected…?). It’s not something that happens to a woman unless she’s “strong enough.” What you each are describing are results after-the-fact. Sure, Ivanka could quit her job and work somewhere else. Sure, she could probably stand up for herself in a “strong fashion.” Neither of those things does anything about the sexual harassment that has already taken place, and if a woman is sexually harassed, that doesn’t mean she’s not “strong.”  Your silence about and deflection from the actual act of sexual harassment and the people who perpetrate it is very telling.
2. Not every woman is as privileged as Ivanka. Donald, when you were asked about Ivanka, it was in reference to a situation completely removed from you.  As a Presidential Candidate, you have to understand that even when you’re talking about personal stuff, it’s a window into your worldview and how you think things should be handled in general. Most women aren’t in a position to be able to quit their job without having another one lined up to fall back on. This is not a solution. But more importantly…
3. THE ONUS SHOULD NOT BE ON WOMEN TO “DEAL WITH” HARASSMENT. No one should have to leave their job when someone else does something wrong. That just doesn’t make any sense. Basically, what you’re saying is, it’s to be expected that a man who harasses is going to keep his job, so if a woman wants to be safe, it’s she who has to move or leave? I don’t think so. It’s harassment that’s the problem, not harassment victims. Therefore, any discussion of sexual harassment needs to be focused on creating a harassment-free environment and consequences for harassers. Yes, women should report these incidents. Yes women should (if they can) stand up for themselves and not tolerate harassment. But she shouldn’t be placed in that position in the first place.

In an interview with People Magazine last month, Ivanka said, “I’m a daughter, not a clone. So of course daughters often disagree with things their fathers say. But I share my viewpoints with him privately, not publicly. I’m not the candidate.” While the decision to not participate in the public conversation on this issue is a questionable one for someone with her platform and influence (particularly one who supposedly champions #womenwhowork), here’s hoping that this is one of many topics that she talks to her father about in private.

She publicly praises her father’s “feminism,” citing the fact that he has many female executives in his companies. However, it takes more than thinking women capable of holding down a difficult job to be a feminist. Feminism is not just about #womenwhowork. It’s also about women who don’t work. It’s about women with money, and women without money. It’s about women of all races, religions, body types, and abilities. It’s about respecting all women as human beings who don’t deserve to be constantly situated at the lower end of a power dynamic (like what happens when a woman is sexually harassed) simply by virtue of their gender.

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NEWS BRIEF President Obama doesn’t believe Donald Trump is fit to be president of the United States. And he’s calling on Republican congressional leaders to say so, too.

In a press conference Tuesday with Singaporean Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, Obama cited Trump’s recent criticisms of the Khan family and his lack of “basic knowledge” of foreign policy as evidence “that he’s woefully unprepared to do this job.”

“This is not just my opinion,” Obama said, referring to “denunciations” from prominent Republicans such as House Speaker Paul Ryan and Senator Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. “The question I think that they have to ask themselves is, ‘If you are repeatedly having to say, in very strong terms, that what he has said is unacceptable, why are you still endorsing him? What does this say about your party that this is your standard-bearer?’”

The prime minister’s state visit, in part a celebration of the 50th anniversary of diplomatic relations between the United States and Singapore, is largely focused on the Trans-Pacific Partnership, a 12-country trade deal that’s awaiting a vote in the U.S. Congress. But as is typical with Obama’s press conferences, Trump’s latest controversy came up, when a CBS reporter asked the president about the Khans. The Muslim father and mother who recently spoke at the Democratic National Convention lost their son, Army Captain Humayun Khan, in combat in 2004. In recent days, they have spoken out about Trump’s anti-Muslim policies and remarks. Trump has attacked them in response.

Obama said his opinion on Trump has to do with his judgment and temperament—it’s not about “just having policy disagreements.” Although he and his former election opponents John McCain and Mitt Romney had policy differences, “I never thought they couldn’t do the job.”

Had they had won, Obama said, he knew they would “abide by certain norms and rules and common sense, will observe basic decency, will have enough knowledge about economic policy and foreign policy and our constitutional traditions and the rule of law that our government will work—and then we’ll compete four years from now to try to win an election,” Obama said. “But that’s not the situation here.”

Muslim women - who come in all shades of conformity and rebelliousness - are far from silent and submissive.

Cass Sunstein, author of the recently published The World According to Star Wars, says that while most people might dislike the three Star Wars prequels, they function well as "a quick guide to current political struggles".

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, paralyzing political divisions threatened democratic governments. Disputes over free trade, and the free movement of people and goods, were a big reason. Stymied by polarization and endless debates, the Senate proved unable to resolve those disputes.

As a result, nationalist sentiments intensified, leading to movements for separation from centralized institutions. People craved a strong leader who would introduce order -- and simultaneously combat growing terrorist threats.

A prominent voice, Anakin Skywalker, insisted, "We need a system where the politicians sit down and discuss the problem, agree what's in the interest of all the people, and then do it." And if they didn't, "they should be made to."

Eventually, something far worse happened. The legislature voted to give "emergency powers" -- essentially unlimited authority -- to the chief executive. An astute observer, Padme Amidala, noted, "So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause."

Well, that was kind of terrifying to read. My ill-feeling peaked at "a democratic body, a senate, not being able to function properly because everybody's squabbling" as a cause of Hitler's rise in Germany. As Sunstein notes, the parallels between that situation and our do-nothing Congress & the authoritarian gentleman currently running for President are obvious and possibly significant.

Tags: 2016 election   books   Cass Sunstein   movies   politics   Star Wars   The World According to Star Wars

17-year-old TJ Khayatan was hanging out with some friends recently at San Francisco’s Museum of Modern Art, when he noticed some of the pieces weren’t as elaborate as he’d expected them to be. Khayatan told Buzzfeed News, “upon first arrival we were quite impressed with the artwork and paintings presented in the huge facility. However, some of the ‘art’ wasn’t very surprising to some of us. We stumbled upon a stuffed animal on a gray blanket and questioned if this was really impressive to some of the nearby people.”

The group decided to put a pair of glasses on the floor, apparently to see if other visitors would give the glasses as much attention as they were some of the similarly minimal pieces. Soon people began crowding around and taking pictures of the group’s creation:

LMAO WE PUT GLASSES ON THE FLOOR AT AN ART GALLERY AND… pic.twitter.com/7TYoHPtjP8

— teejay (@TJCruda) May 24, 2016

The group of friends also put a hat on the ground and stared intently at a museum garbage can, but neither of those pieces attracted as much attention from visitors.

Since Khayatan shared the images of the glasses to Twitter, the pictures have gone viral, and the group of friends has been featured in countless publications both local and international. The 17-year-old told Buzzfeed that although many people have found the pictures funny, he doesn’t think all modern art is a joke: “I can agree that modern art can be a joke sometimes, but art is a way to express our own creativity. Some may interpret it as a joke, some might find great spiritual meaning in it. At the end of the day, I see it as a pleasure for open-minded people and imaginative minds.”

(via Neatorama, images via TJ Khayatan on Twitter)

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Spoilers for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. ahead!

From all we’ve seen of S.H.I.E.L.D. in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and, to a lesser extent, the theatrical MCU, it’s become apparent that things don’t always go as planned for the Strategic Homeland Intervention and Enforcement Logistics Division. Aside from the obvious—the whole HYDRA infiltration comes to mind—the organization’s leadership continues to make questionable decisions logically and morally; as a result, many agents and civilians have lost their lives. Though it hurts to admit it, a lot of the issues that arise within S.H.I.E.L.D. trace back to Phil Coulson (who is, and always has been, played beautifully by Clark Gregg, and obviously, no one should blame Gregg for his character’s flaws). Considering the evidence, you can’t help wondering if S.H.I.E.L.D. would be in better shape with someone different at the helm.

To say Coulson is staggeringly incompetent wouldn’t be fair. It’s more accurate to say his directorial decisions are based on emotion rather than what’s best for the world. Time and again throughout the three seasons of AoS, he’s made calls that put hundreds of people at risk simply because he wanted to protect his own, chiefly his surrogate daughter Skye/Daisy Johnson. What Coulson’s never fully understood is that, while he does help some team members survive, they don’t necessarily need his help. Daisy is an inhuman with incredible power. Melinda May’s combat and infiltration skills are unparalleled. Fitz and Simmons are smart and have become strong and more than capable of holding their own in the field, and Mack wields a shotgun axe. They do OK with or without Coulson, and the man at the top could benefit from realizing it.

The truly unfortunate thing is there is someone in the MCU who could, and would, understand that—who would work less as a “What I say goes” leader and more as a team player who allowed each agent to use their individual strengths, but she’s never had the chance. Now that it’s been heavily implied in the AoS finale that Coulson is no longer director of S.H.I.E.L.D., it’s high time she did. The identity of this prospective director should be obvious by now: Maria Hill, the director S.H.I.E.L.D. deserves and, to misquote Commissioner Gordon in The Dark Knight (apologies for crossing universes), the one it needs right now.

MCU-wise, audiences were introduced to Maria Hill in The Avengers and got glimpses of her in Captain America: The Winter Soldier and The Avengers: Age of Ultron. She’s also been on AoS, but not frequently. That could be due to scheduling conflicts for Cobie Smulders, who portrays Hill, but there are also two plot elements at work here: when Nick Fury vacated his position as director, he gave it to Coulson despite Hill being next in line for the job, and Hill has at least some level of responsibility at the Avengers training facility, where she coaches up-and-coming superheroes. (Granted, now that the Avengers have fractured, there may be less training going on.) Hill’s always been cast in a positive light when she’s onscreen; she just isn’t there that often, and given how adeptly Smulders handles the role, that’s a shame.

Now, Coulson’s promotion didn’t make that much sense to begin with. At the time of his appointment, he was still recovering from his resurrection, having developed the habit of obsessively carving archaic Kree symbols. He was still emotionally unstable, and it didn’t go unrecognized. Cooler heads (usually) prevailed, as is often the case on AoS—when Coulson slips up, his team picks up the slack, and that’s fine. They’re capable agents, but how much easier would it make it for May, Mack, and the others if the person calling the shots didn’t allow their emotions to get in the way of missions? We’re well aware that Hill was able to keep her composure when high-ranking agent Clint Barton temporarily turned against S.H.I.E.L.D. and even when S.H.I.E.L.D. fell to HYDRA. She’s loyal to those within S.H.I.E.L.D. she trusts but unafraid to speak her mind when she feels something is awry. She’s kept secrets she thought worth keeping, she’s made calls that were tough and not cracked under pressure, and she’s maintained civil, even friendly relationships with her subordinates while still establishing herself as an authority figure. Stacking her resume—and even her job title—against Coulson’s, it’s clear who’s the better leader.

Since the directorial position is (probably) open, isn’t it high time Hill takes it? Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. has always been better than the rest of the MCU at putting women in prominent roles, but the highest-ranking people in both S.H.I.E.L.D. and HYDRA have always been men, and usually white men at that. That makes sense in HYDRA’s case, but not as much for S.H.I.E.L.D., where agents like May and Bobbi Morse rise to the top and younger women including Daisy and Simmons get multiple chances to prove themselves in the field. Hill’s appointment could start a new trend in how Marvel develops the power structures within its movies and TV shows. It could even attract new viewers, given how well loved Hill is within fandom and outside it. Gregg’s Coulson, despite his faults, has plenty of everyman appeal, but Hill is as charismatic as she is competent, a magnetic presence every time Smulders graces the screen. (Plus, she’s still willing to hang out with Hawkeye after he tried to kill her. That has to count for something.)

It’d be a no-lose situation for AoS to get a regular like Smulders on board. They’ve already done an admirable job collecting long-term guest stars, but they’ve made even more of an effort to discard them; Lucy Lawless was squandered, Edward James Olmos wasn’t around for nearly long enough, and Kyle MacLachlan deserved his own spinoff. (I for one would absolutely watch a show about his veterinary clinic.) In addition to the narrative strength Hill’s appointment would give to the show, it’d build up goodwill among viewers new and old to see an MCU mainstay onscreen.

If, when season four of AoS premieres, it turns out the implication of the new director was a fake-out, it won’t come as a huge shock. AoS has a way of occasionally relying too heavily on surprises and misdirects, but if it were genuine—and if the show gets it right—then we’ll have Maria Hill at the helm of S.H.I.E.L.D., facing down otherworldly threats, working around the pesky oversight of the U.S. government, and staying eminently watchable all the while.

Christy Admiraal lives in Manhattan, where she works as a copywriter and editor. She enjoys comedy podcasts, graphic t-shirts, inserting her cats’ names into popular song lyrics, and tweeting an excessive amount@AdmiralChristy.

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The John Wayne one made me LOL. Many more here. See also Matt Haughey's conservatives holding dildos.

Update: Some prior art, also from Matt, who loves to Photoshop guns into other things.

Tags: guns   remix

For the past three years we’ve been going to Dîner en Blanc. It’s without question our favorite night of the year here in Paris. Sure, Bastille Day (Fête nationale) probably ranks as our favorite overall day.  There’s the parades, air show, picnics, and the fireworks.  But for one incredible night- Dîner en Blanc takes the cake.  Though, the Versailles Ball comes in closely after that.

As longtime readers might remember, the entire evening is shrouded in secrecy and rules.  It’s essentially a gigantic flash mob with upwards of 10,000 people setting out to have an elaborate self-served multi-course dinner.

While the organizers start planning nearly a year in advance scoping out locations, for participants it starts in the early spring when you attempt to secure an invite.  Typically once you’ve made it in, then you’re good to go for future years.  Eventually you might even make your way up the ladder to be able to invite others.  While there are Facebook fan pages and the like, you can’t simply go online and purchase a ticket like you might for a public event.  You have to be invited.  Oh, and even the location is kept secret until minutes before you arrive.  And we haven’t even gotten to the rules yet!

First, assuming you’ve organized your group carefully, you’ll have everyone meet at a location given to you around lunch-time on the day of the event.  This is just a staging location, and there are probably a hundred such locations spread within a 15-20 minute walk of the final venue for the evening.  In our case, it was a bar.  The bar across the street was another staging location.  As was the bar one block away.

Another way to look at this is basically a way to pre-drink. Proper hydration is important for a successful evening.

One of the first of many rules of the evening is that you have to take everything with you.  Both in, as well as out.  This isn’t a restaurant.  Rather, it’s a super upscale picnic.  You must have a square or rectangular table.  That table must have a white tablecloth.  You must have chairs; those chairs should ideally be covered in white.  You must have three courses.  You must have silverware (not plastic ware).  You must have proper glass/porcelain plates, not plastic.  And so on.  All of which you must carry yourself.

Then comes a short wait, it’s usually about an hour after the time the organizer or team leader told you to meet. Think of this as buffer time for those in the group that are always late.

Then at around 9PM you’ll receive a text message, which sets us off on a great migration across the city. Upwards of 10,000 people start to wind through the streets towards the previously unannounced final destination.  In our case, it was about a 20 minute walk.  Probably a bit slower because people are dragging with them their entire dining room.

Soon we arrived at the spot for this evening – Place Vendôme. This massive square is surrounded by buildings with a large monument in the middle.  The Ministère de la Justice overlooks it all.

The first step upon arrival is getting your tables all setup.  There are row markers and the tables must be setup in long rows stretching across the square.  After all, it’s a communal affair – one giant party.  You don’t want any small 2-person tables.  Date night this is not.

Groups coordinate on what to bring.  Candles, vases, white flowers are all requirements for a proper Diner en Blanc table.  As is vast amounts of wine (or sparkling apple juice in The Girl’s case).  But the coordination also gets down to the food too.  For example, we brought an appetizer as well as a large cake for more than just our tables.  And yes, we had to carry that in too!

To start off the evening there’s the traditional napkin twirl.  That’s why you bring proper cloth napkins of course.

Then it’s definitely time to dive into the food and begin enjoying an evening with friends.  In our group’s case – everything was homemade.  It’s just better that way.  Though, it might help that a large portion of our table seems to be in the culinary business in one way or another.

Some of our friends from Newfoundland also had their parents in town, who definitely got the experience of a lifetime.

At this point people spend the next hour or so getting through the first two courses of their dinner.  You can wander around as you see fit as well, which increases the communal atmosphere.  People from other tables come over, share some wine or food, and you do the same.

Up on the balconies of the Ministère de la Justice, some workers popped out to check things out.  No doubt they had the best view of the night.

Meanwhile, the sun slowly started to fade.  Don’t worry, candles and then eventually the decorative lights in the square took over.

Once the sun sets it’s absolutely incredible in size to look at.  If you look at the below picture, it’s approximately 1/4th of the total size of the event.

As I didn’t quite mention, but should be obvious by now: Everyone wears white.  White clothing from head to toe.  And preferably something a bit upscale or swanky looking.  Classy might be the right word.

The massive square has a road that runs down the middle of it, and both sides of it were packed with participants.  In recent years they’ve been slowly shrinking the number of participants down from 13,000 when we first did it, to about 9,000-10,000 this year.  It simply makes it a bit more manageable and also opens up more venues.

Remember that officially the event isn’t official.  The city turns a bit of a blind eye to it (and has for 25+ years), so it doesn’t require proper permits or the such.  Though organizers do work with the city on a variety of fronts.  The key to it working is really that people all do their part and leave it just as they found it each night.  Like it never happened.

Once your main course is consumed, it’s a great time to head out and grab some photos.

There are usually numerous bands that show up and play well into the night.  No fancy stages or amps, just the instruments they could carry in and out.  Just like everyone else that night – bring only what you can carry.

Later in the evening sparklers are passed out to everyone by the organizers.  Speaking of which, I should note there’s virtually no cost for this event.  Each couple pays a mere 2EUR fee (so 1EUR per person).  That’s it!

Soon the entire square is alive with people playing with fireworks!

Following which it was definitely time to cut the cake and have some dessert!  The Girl got right on that!

You can see the whole place was still a bit foggy/smoky from the sparklers.

Or it might have been the table down the way that was still back cooking their main course.  I believe the women’s face on the right best describes the fire situation as the rest of us saw it. One member of our group rushed over and almost doused the fire with the water/ice from the champagne bucket, thinking they were in trouble at one point.  That display of assistance would have been the pinnacle of the night, had it been carried out to completion.

Though the province of Newfoundland would have never heard the end of it.  I mean, not pointing any fingers or anything…

No worries, not too much caught fire at that end of their table.

After some cake and a bit more wine, it was back out to do one final loop around the square.  At this point it as definitely dancing time!

Be it in a group around musicians…

…or apparently in the middle of the street with traffic.  Whatever floats your boat.

Then at 12:15AM everyone begins to clean-up.  Not a moment sooner.  After which there’s 15 minutes to get things tidied up and just as you found them.  Each couple brings at least one large trash bag, if not more.  You take all your trash with you – just like you would when wilderness camping.

Then soon everyone simply fades off into the night, eventually leaving the square empty again.

A huge thanks to Roger for the organizing and inviting us again!  It was once again an amazing night, and we look forward to many more!

For those that want to see my past two Dîner en Blanc, here’s the links to 2014 and 2015.  Just click on the pictures.

 

Update! Here’s the 2016 video that David has put together!

Or, you can watch David’s video from last year.

Thanks for reading!

This past Sunday I raced in a popular sprint triathlon just outside of Paris.  It’s officially the Triathlon du Roi (Roi means king in French).  But more commonly it’s known as the Versailles Triathlon, which I last competed in back in 2013.  It’s held on the side of the Château de Versailles, one of the most famous châteaux in France.  It’s a popular tourist destination to escape to for the day if visiting Paris.  It’s also one of my favorite places to run to (and there’s even a huge running race that ends there, Paris to Versailles).  But enough about that, let’s get on with the day!

Pre-Race:

The easiest way to get to Versailles from Paris is via train.  The RER-C train goes directly there from below my apartment, and then it’s a short 5-minute bike ride once you reach the end station.  Given the race for the licensed men didn’t start until 3:30PM (yes, mid-afternoon), I didn’t have to leave town till until around 1PM or so.

Upon arrival I went to find my bib number on the board and then pickup my bib.  It was only lightly raining at this point, though you could still see the mess it made.

The whole process only took a minute or two, and was super quick.

I then took everything out of the bag to see what the goods were:

I got myself a swim cap, two race numbers, one sticker race number for my bike, a timing chip, and then a fabric race bag (actually a fairly nice one).  Oh, and there was a Clif bar in there.  Woot!

From there it was into transition area to get my bike all settled.  Though first they’ll inspect your bike (bar plugs, brakes), as well as your race bib (attached at three points).

Then I made my way up the hill to my rack:

It only took a minute or two to get everything all setup.  I had tossed some running socks in, mostly because I figured if a bunch of sand/mud was getting into my shoes during the run I’d probably want that in between the socks and the shoes, rather than grinding between the shoes and my feet.  And if done properly it only takes a second to put them on.

You can see I had setup a GoPro Hero4 Black on the bike in a case, as well as an Edge 520.  I tend to like having a dedicated bike computer, versus switching units or looking at my wrist.  But that’s just my personal preference.

After wrapping up there I headed down to the water and got in a short warm-up swim prior to the race start.  Just 5-8 minutes worth.

Doesn’t the weather look beautifully inviting?

It’d actually end up raining even harder during the swim portion of the race.  So hard I could feel it through the wetsuit while swimming.  Kinda crazy.  In any case, with my warm-up complete it was time to head out of the water and listen to the pre-race instructions.

That only took 3-5 minutes though, efficiency for ya!

The Swim:

After which it was back into the water, so the 370 or so guys worked their way down across the continually sinking pontoon docks and into the pond.  This specific wave was for licensed men.  Other waves for women and unlicensed athletes were in the morning.

The pond doesn’t have much circulation to other bodies of water, so like most small ponds the water pretty much tasted like duck and goose crap.  But, at least there wasn’t any lightning.

Props to the undoubtedly weary folks standing along the pond ready to watch the start.  I’m sure they were just as wet as we were.  In fact, we were probably better off than them.  At least we weren’t standing in mud.  Plus, wetsuits are kinda nice and warm.

I was wearing two watches during today’s event – the FR735XT, and on the other wrist for comparison the FR920XT.  Both were connected to the HRM-TRI strap.

I was also using a GoPro Hero4 Silver during the swim/run, within a waterproof case.  I simply tuck it into the neck of my wetsuit once the swim starts.

And with no count-down or fanfare (as usual), the starting gun fired and we were off!

It was actually a bit of a rougher swim than normal.  I think the muddy water churned up by hundreds of athletes near the start line basically meant that nobody could see anything below water, so you lost some of your ability to avoid and had to rely on above-water sighting for avoidance.

The swim was supposed to be 750m, and my track was pretty clean on the four-point course.  I didn’t waste that much time/distance on bad sighting.  But given how small the pond was, you could pretty easily just sight off the walls on the side for much of it. The FR735XT recorded 854m, whether or not the swim was measured correctly I don’t know (many aren’t).  I’d probably split the difference and guess I swam an extra 50m, though unlikely I swam an extra 100m – it was a pretty easy course to stay on target for.

Once past the first buoy, things were pretty calm and I just kept trucking.  I probably should have pushed the pace a bit more on the swim.  I’d guess that my swim pace was more appropriate for an Oly or longer.  These sprints always throw me for a loop on getting the right swim pacing – I often forget just how short they are.

Speaking of which, before I knew it I was climbing on the sorta-not-really-floating pontoon dock and running up into transition.

It’s there I found my bike waiting for me, with my shoes on it and ready to roll.  Given the race starts uphill, I had put the bike into an easier gear ahead of time.  Once I got going I’d put my shoes on during the first minute or so of the bike.

I had setup another GoPro on the bike already, configured with the one-tap recording option.  So that meant I just pressed a single button and it started recording.  I left the first GoPro in my running shoe for when I’d return.

Oh, the total swim time was 14:18, or an average pace of 1:30/100y according to the FR735XT.  So definitely need to kick up the pace this upcoming weekend during the Paris triathlon.

The Bike:

The name of the game for the bike was simple: Don’t crash.

Seriously, that was it.

More than a enough ambulances had already been utilized earlier in the day in the other races.  The word was pretty clear among discussions at the race – play it a bit cautious.

So it was out of T1 I went.  You ran up the hill towards the exit.  It was a single long skinny transition area, a few hundred meters long:

Once out of transition, you continued uphill and away from the park.

You’d be riding a few minutes away to an automotive race track where the majority of the bike course was held.  Going uphill your speeds were pretty low, so there wasn’t much of a concern of crashing.  Though, the multiple sets of wet train tracks and 90° turns attached to them were reason for numerous volunteers to be standing by yelling at competitors to slow down.

After that you were home free in the race track area.  The pavement wasn’t perfect though, which would take down plenty of people, such as this athlete to the left.

The ambulances were standing by throughout the course and often attending to folks.  I’m guessing some crashes were solo/self-induced, while others were part of pack riding fails.

Given the race was draft-legal, packs are a very real and important part of the bike segment.  If you don’t latch onto a pack you’ll end up numerous minutes slower and you’ll have to work a heck of a lot harder for it.  Unfortunately I didn’t find much of a pack initially.  I overtook a few scattered folks, but none were riding fast enough to be of use to me.  Finally, a small group of three others formed with me, and we did a pretty solid job of rotating through.  Probably one of the better packs I’ve seen in races here (most of the times, people don’t take their turns).

We came together into a section where volunteers were having folks slow down on a steep/rougher descent, to prevent crashes.  It was going back up the equally steep section that I dropped my chain while shifting.

That sucked.  As I then lost some 45-55 seconds trying to get enough traction pointing straight up the steep hill to get going again.

And more importantly: I lost my group.  Thus I was mostly riding solo the remainder of the bike segment.

Coming down off the hill (race track area) into transition I was pretty cautious.  A small group passed me on this section, but it didn’t quite seem worth it on a curved descent in the last few hundred meters in the race to try and pass.  The ambulance racing up the hill to the rest of the bike course was a reminder of that.

Not to mention we’d all be stuck behind each other on the massive conga-line into transition.  You ran a few hundred meters with your bike, single-file, so basically it was just trotting along with no room to pass.  The right side had numerous spectators and super-slick mud, so it was best to stay on the carpet.

While I wish I could have had a faster bike, I’m happy I didn’t end up on the pavement. I really enjoy draft-legal triathlon racing, mostly because it increases the importance of the run (which I’m generally good at).  On the flip side, if you don’t find a group, then it severely punishes you.

The Run:

Just like the bike segment, the name of the game on the run was simple: Stay upright.

The run course was relatively simple: Two loops of the pond we swam in.  Except, there was no asphalt path.  Instead, what you see above is the run course.

Well, actually, that’s incorrect.  The first few hundred meters was a trail-run through the slanted hillside in the woods. It was basically just a giant-slip and slide.  Me and another triathlete were making our way through with all sorts of random shouts coming from us as we attempted to keep ourselves on the trail.  I don’t have any usable photos there unfortunately.

Side note though: If it’s raining hard out, you should consider leaving your running shoes in transition upside-down.  I didn’t think about that, and thus my shoes were full of water by time I got there, like small ponds.

It’s kinda neat though, you can see the impact on the cadence/vertical oscillation/stride length in that first section in the data below.

Once out of the woods it was onto the trail around the pond, like this:

The trick to the run was not falling, or sliding significantly.  In some cases running in the deeper grass was the best place to be.

Yet in others, the ground below the puddles was actually firm. So you were best just running straight through the puddles (some of which were surprisingly deep, well over my ankles).

I passed one guy who had taken off his shoes and was just running barefoot while holding them.

You got a slight reprieve from the mud as you crested a small hill.  This being the highest section on the course the water ran down into the pond.  It’s also where you picked up your first neck ribbon.  Kinda like grabbing Mardi Gras beads, except without as much excitement for either party.

The neck ribbon simply acts like a timing mat.  It ensures you did the appropriate number of laps.  After you’ve got two ribbons, you can finish the race.

It’s funny: This old-school system would have easily prevented the now infamous Canadian triathlete woman from cheating.  No lost chip excuses here.  The French race officials would have told her to run another lap and HTFU.

The bummer with the mud is that most of your energy was spent trying not to slip and fall.  So my average pace was some 6:50/mile (4:18/KM).  I think it took me about 2/3rds of the first lap to get the hang of running in the mud.

After my second lap I headed on in and did the short out and back section before working my way down the finishing approach and into to the finish line.  The expat tri team was there though, and cheering quite well – despite the downpour.

Afterwards they had Champagne ready in hand.  Meanwhile the finishers tent had sausage and other food goodness.

 

The accumulation of the mud post-race most easily seen on everyone standing around:

Or my legs:

Still, it was fun.  In a Muddy Buddy sorta way.  Something different to look back on years from now.

Congrats to all others who raced!  I’m looking forward to this weekend’s Paris Triathlon race.  It’s also draft-legal, but is Olympic distance.  And most importantly, there’s no run on the mud!  Here’s my race report from last year.  With that – thanks for reading!

(For those curious, here’s my Garmin Connect multi-sport file from the FR735XT.  As noted, it was connected to the HRM-TRI for heart rate, and to a Quarq RIKEN for power data.)

"Le droit du seigneur" = the droit of the seigneur

"Primae noctis" = the most noctis

Read more Know Your Medieval Terminology at The Toast.

Are you ever intimidated by the academy? Do you ever feel like the single Philosophy 101 course you took in college is an insufficient recommendation for you to hold your own during dinner-party arguments? "Ooh, I don't know any Latin, I probably don't stack up too great compared to scholars of the past." Okay, well, stop feeling inadequately prepared at once.

Read more Stop Being Intimidated By History Because All Greek Philosophy Was Just Yelling About Soup at The Toast.

As John Oliver says himself, there’s still a lot unknown about the attacks in Paris at the end of last week. Over the last few days, you’ve surely heard any number of reactions to the tragic events, and more will likely come over the following weeks and months—a great deal of them inappropriate, opportunistic, or insensitive (along with the many, many wonderful and supportive voices). So, allow yourself a few cathartic minutes of the Last Week Tonight host reacting in the only manner we can all get behind 100%.

That’s not to say Oliver’s the only one who feels this way or the only one with a positive message of support, but this rant is probably the most accurate transcription of the pure, gut feeling of outrage we all felt.

—Please make note of The Mary Sue’s general comment policy.—

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Catherine of Aragon

I don't know what to tell you, frankly. You were married to Henry for twenty-four years, which apparently wasn't enough time for you to learn his personality, which was easily irritated and soothed. Are you allergic to noticing which way the wind is blowing? Because that's the only explanation I can think of for your self-destructive behavior.

Read more Unsolicited Advice For The Six Wives Of Henry VIII, Working Within Their Social Parameters And Not Suggesting They Just Invent Feminism Because That’s Anachronistic at The Toast.

Previously: The Problematic Bible.

Exodus 23:22
But if thou shalt indeed obey his voice, and do all that I speak; then I will be an enemy unto thine enemies, and an adversary unto PC culture.

1 Samuel 1:6
And PC culture also provoked her sore, for to make her fret, because the Lord had shut up her womb.

1 Kings 5:4
But now the Lord my God hath given me rest on every side, so that there is neither PC culture nor evil occurrent.

1 Kings 11:14
And the Lord stirred up PC culture against Solomon, Hadad the Edomite: he was of the king's seed in Edom.

Esther 7:6
And Esther said, The head of PC culture and enemy is this wicked Haman. Then Haman was afraid before the king and the queen.

Read more Bible Verses Where The Word “Adversary” Has Been Replaced With “PC Culture” at The Toast.

The tambourine is a percussive instrument with a wooden casing, animal-skin drumhead, and a number of small metal zils. Within its circular frame, it contains an ocean of suffering. No one who has ever held a tambourine has known joy. It is known colloquially among its players as "The Pain Hoop." It is a well-known saying among the mothers of France that it is "better to watch your child die than let her hold a tambourine." They say it all the time. Not when you're around, obviously, they don't say it to tourists. But they do say it.

like the tambourine, we exist only to be struck briefly, then put aside
like the tambourine, we are stretched tight on an endless rack 

Read more Miserable Tambourine Players In Western Art History at The Toast.

HROTHGAR: ah, Beowulf
welcome to Heorot and the land of my people
we have heard of your deeds from across the sea

BEOWULF: yeah it's no big deal I pretty much swam here

UNFERTH: Is't so?
I heard you were bested by Breca in a swimming contest not three w–

BEOWULF: yeah actually I once held my breath for like a million hours
it was crazy
my friends weren't even worried because I fight guys underwater like all the time
until it had been like two days
and then they were kind of nervous because I'd never held my breath that long before
but it was no big deal, I was just holding my breath

Read more Dirtbag Beowulf at The Toast.

Hold onto your butts, gang... I just found out, via Pixar's Michael B. Johnson, that the 3D file manager that Lex uses in Jurassic Park -- "It's a Unix system, I know this" -- was a real thing. FSN (File System Navigator) was a demo tool for Silicon Graphics' IRIX operating system that you could download from their web site.

P.S. In that same thread, Johnson shares that his office was the inspiration for Dennis Nedry's work area.

Tags: Jurassic Park   Michael B. Johnson   movies   Silicon Graphics   Unix

This is “Yakety Max,” which should absolutely be an alternate cut on the Fury Road Blu-ray.

Here’s the original for comparison (the song, that is—we assume Fury Road is eternally burned onto your brain):

(via Nerdist)

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