Crooooow

official police stance: “we weren’t gonna solve this one, so figured might as well have some fun with it”

The Bulls went up to Toronto without Derrick Rose today in need of some momentum. Chicago appears to have fairly structural problems with their chemistry and offense, but they still have the talent to mount a decent challenge in the East. There’s a glut of kinda-sorta good teams in the East and, as flawed as the Bulls are, they are among the most talented teams in the running for the #2 seed. So, as NBA games in early January go, today’s was pretty important.

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Northwestern is sporting its best men’s basketball team in years—maybe ever, given that the Wildcats have never, ever made the NCAA tournament—and Maryland’s fourth-ranked Terrapins are in Evanston tonight looking to darken those bright Chicago skies (heh, heh).

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CHICAGO—In an effort to avoid making a judgment before he even enters the theater, local fan Mike Siedler confirmed Wednesday that he was going into tomorrow’s premiere with an open mind about whether Star Wars: The Force Awakens is the best or worst movie ever made. “It’s easy to jump to conclusions over such a highly anticipated movie, but I’m trying to be impartial about whether it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen or a colossal disappointment that will forever taint my treasured childhood memories,” said Siedler, adding that he would do his best to hold off on deciding if the film deserves to be immediately hailed as an all-time cinema classic alongside A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, or railed against as a crass commercial cash-in that makes the prequels look good in comparison. “I grew up on these movies, so ...

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The Austin High boys’ basketball team was down 56-54 to Northfield with 1.6 seconds left to play when their opponent stepped to the free-throw line to ice the victory. That’s when a missed free throw found its way into the hands of Oman Oman, who went ahead and won Austin the game. I really don’t think it’s possible for a buzzer-beater to get any better than this.

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Dope as hell

Have you ever balled as hard as these newlyweds at Saturday’s Minnesota Wild game? Specifically, have you ever balled as hard as this woman in a wedding dress eating a burger at a Minnesota Wild game?

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The funniest thing about Kobe Bryant’s retirement “announcement” yesterday is that Kobe Bryant was clearly the last person to know that this would be Kobe Bryant’s final season. Honestly, I thought he had announced it already, given that he’s a broken-down old mummy who can no longer play basketball.

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Chi-Town Rising, Chicago’s inaugural free New Year’s Eve event on the Riverwalk, has announced what it ambitiously calls an “A-list” lineup of bands. [ more › ]

The President of the United States came to Chicago today to dedicate the largest building in the country.  The president was Benjamin Harrison.  The building was the Auditorium. In 1886 Ferdinand Peck, businessman and arts patron, had organized a syndicate of like-minded rich men.  They wanted to give Chicago a grand opera hall.  Since operas […]

The critically-acclaimed show tells the story of the founding fathers, mostly through rap. [ more › ]

imightbebrilliant:

obviousplant:

I added some fake Black Friday deals to this store’s weekly in-store flyer

Amazing.

It's a fierce competition around the holidays to truly be the single worst place in Chicago. But we think the answer is clear: Wrigleyville during TBOX. [ more › ]

The Monmouth Hawks are a pretty good college basketball team (who’ve already upset Notre Dame, UCLA, and USC) attached to a improv troupe of a bench. What follows is a gallery of their best celebrations through the first six games of the season.

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Kindle owners are in luck this Cyber Monday, as Amazon is discounting over 800 ebooks to a fraction of their original prices.

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At last, we have an answer to the age-old question, “For real, which Republican presidential candidate is the stupidest?” Is it Jeb Bush, having to fix everything he touches because he broked it? Is it Ben Carson, with his actual broken brain? BZZZZZ, you are all wrong, it is Ted Cruz. We know this because

NEW YORK—At a loss as to how they could emerge from a weekend of regular-season football without any fresh insight whatsoever, ashamed and humbled members of the sports media admitted to the public Tuesday that they learned absolutely nothing from week 11 of the NFL season. “It is with heavy hearts that we announce today that, despite watching the full slate of games on Sunday and Monday, we were unable to draw a single new conclusion about any player, coach, team, or division in the NFL,” said Sports Illustrated columnist Peter King, speaking on behalf of John Clayton, Mike Florio, Jay Glazer, Chris Mortensen, and all other sportswriters across the country. “We realize that millions of fans count on us every week to tell you how the playoff picture has changed, which quarterbacks should be benched, which teams are poised to make a deep postseason run, and which coaches ...

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November 16th, 2015: This, combined with my other Poison Ivy comic, is basically just me documenting how she is going to be the hero of the DC Universe. It'll be amazing, I PROMISE. UPDATE: I have heard some concerns that making the Arctic green would mean it would reflect less light, which would in turn increase the planet's temperature. Lucky for US that Ivy invented white plants that still absorb sunlight! She is extremely talented and we should all stop worrying about it. – Ryan

CHESTER, PA—Slowly rotating the deep-fried strip of white meat to consider every possible angle from which it could be dunked, local man Brian Oakley is, according to sources, currently searching for a part of his chicken tender thin enough to fit into the plastic dipping sauce cup. “The end fit in the cup pretty easily, but now that I’ve taken the first bite, the middle part is too thick to get in there,“ Oakley told reporters as he carefully examined the crunchy, breaded strip of chicken before flipping it around and confirming that the back end was also too wide for the two-ounce container. “Only the very tip will get any sauce. I guess I could just take another bite and then it’ll be thin enough, but I don’t want to eat a dry part.” At press time, Oakley had resorted to scraping the chicken tender ...

the world fantasy award decided to drop their award design that’s just a bust of lovecraft. it’s the right move. i like lovecraft’s writing a lot, and it was my first exposure to “cosmic horror” and the concept of a terrifyingly indifferent universe. but man, you’ll run smack into a super-racist passage and it yanks you straight out. bleah.

to borrow from longfellow: when lovecraft was good, he was very very good; but when he was bad, he was horrid.

to borrow from ice cube: bye felicia

President Obama continues his longstanding tradition of creating jobs to push his partisan agenda of economic recovery, while simultaneously dividing this country by making liars out of Republicans who swear he is ruining America. Candidate Obama promised to bring this country together, yet President Obama’s hardline refusal to tank the economy only deepens the divide between himself and

The post How Obama Is Dividing America By Making Things Better: A Wonksplainer appeared first on Wonkette.

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November 9th, 2015: This comic isn't about Batman, and yet... I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT BATMAN! – Ryan

    Yr Wonkette has a new boyfriend in law enforcement, and he is Captain Clay Higgins of the St. Landry Parish Sheriff’s Office in Opelousas, Louisiana. You see, he makes these bizarrely earnest Crimestoppers videos that are half sermon, half “Scared Straight” lecture, and half performance art. He is strangely mesmerizing as he looks

The post You Will Fall Madly In Love With This Half-Nutso Louisiana Cop appeared first on Wonkette.