IKEA Monkey

Uh oh, Donald Rumsfeld and I agree on something. Each year, with his tax return, Rumsfeld sends a letter to the IRS explaining that neither he or his wife are sure of how accurate their taxes are because the forms and tax code are too complex. Here is this year's letter:

If only he had been less certain of his accuracy in an even more complex situation, like, say the whole WMD/Iraq War thing.

Tags: Donald Rumsfeld   IRS   taxes

It’s common knowledge that airplane doors aren’t meant to be open while in flight. But that didn’t stop an unruly Southwest Airlines passenger from trying.

The Chicago-to-Sacramento flight was diverted to Omaha, NE, after a passenger attempted to open a door mid-flight, KABC-TV in Los Angeles reports.

“Some gentleman just decided that he wanted us to visit the Lord today, and decided to open up the back hatch of Southwest Airlines flight while we were already up in the air,” one passenger, who captured the scene on her cellphone told the TV station.

According to the passenger the man had been acting strangely since the beginning of the flight. At one point he went to the restroom and returned to his seat soaking wet.

“He got up and went to the rear of the plane and tried to open up the hatch,” the woman says. “One of the airline stewardess just started screaming as well as passengers screaming help.”

That’s when a group of male passengers jumped into action by subduing the man until the plane could make an emergency landing.

One of the men who helped contain the unruly passenger at first though there was a medical emergency.

“He was going to do bad things to the plane, so it was pretty scary,” the man told KCRA 3. “We basically tackled — I don’t want to say ‘gentleman,’ – but the guy who was back there and then pinned him down. I got the sense he was probably on some sort of drugs or that he was psychotic.”

Upon arriving in Nebraska, police and TSA agents boarded the plane and escorted the man off. It’s unclear if the suspect faces any charges or if drugs or mental illness played a factor in the incident.

The plane landed safely in Sacramento about two hours behind schedule.

Unruly passenger secreted off CA bound plane [KABC-TV]
Passengers: Man tries to open door on Sac-bound flight [KCRA-TV]

Among the many insulting, insensitive, rude, crude, and accidental Tweets that companies have sent out over the years, the incredibly NSFW photo (unless you happen to work in the porn industry) that got posted today by the US Airways Twitter account will probably go down as one of the most embarrassing.

In a simple response to a complaining customer earlier today, the airline’s Twitter account responded, “We welcome feedback… If your travel is complete, you can detail here for review and follow up” with what we presume was supposed to be a link to a page on the US Airways website, but was instead a link to a Twitter photo of a naked woman inserting a toy plane into a place where it was not intended to be inserted.

By linking to that photo, it not only went into the US Airways’ Twitter feed, but received prominent placement on the feed’s page as the most recently shared photo.

And there it stayed for at least an hour, before the airline got wise to its gaffe and deleted it, along with issuing this apology:

We apologize for an inappropriate image recently shared as a link in one of our responses. We’ve removed the tweet and are investigating.—
US Airways (@USAirways) April 14, 2014

If you came here looking for the photo, we’re sorry. We won’t be posting the pic — not even a blurred version — but there are plenty of sites that have posted screengrabs so that this moment in Twitter-oops history will be preserved forever.

This week got off to a hilarious start if you like corporate social media gaffes. US Airways is awfully embarrassed about the incident where they responded to a customer complaint with a photograph of a nude woman posed with a model plane lodged in her jetway. Contrary to our predictions, the airline says that posting the photo was “an honest mistake” and no one is getting fired. Someone might want to throw away that toy plane, though.

As a classy establishment, we aren’t going to post the blurred or un-blurred versions of the photo in question: there are plenty of other sites that have preserved the image, and you can satisfy your curiosity within a few clicks.

The airline told the New York Daily News that this was all a pretty innocent mistake. A spokesman explained to the New York Daily News that a random Twitter user had publicly tweeted the image at the airline, and one of the company Twitterers copied the URL in order to report the offending image. In a horrific computer clipboard mixup, they added the picture’s address to a tweet sent to a frustrated customer instead.

The US Airways spokesperson says that the person responsible will not be fired for the mixup: they were originally out to protect the company from being associated with such filth.

US Airways’ pornographic tweet was ‘an honest mistake’ by employee, won’t lead to firing: airline [New York Daily News]

This news was too important to get lost in the onslaught of Coachella and MTV Movie Awards pics, so here’s Kate Upton saying she wishes she had smaller breasts while recognizing she’d be goddamn nobody without them. NOBODY. Via HuffPost:

That’s right, the 23-year-old admitted to The Sun that she would actually prefer a smaller chest, and thinks Cameron Diaz, someone with a much smaller chest than Upton, has the “perfect figure.” She also has some ideas on how smaller boobs would make her life a little less difficult:
“Oh, man, it would be so much easier,’ especially if people didn’t constantly bring them up… If I could just take them off like they were clip-ons.”

For someone who claims to be a Christian – Although, by definition, that would also make her retarded. – Kate Upton seems pretty hell-bent on throwing away the greatest gift God could’ve possibly given her. He puts those things there for a reason, and that reason is people getting boners while looking at my Internet site for His ways are not ours to understand. Case in point: saving this woman from a bear apparently ranks higher than not giving little kids cancer. He’s mysterious.

Photos: Terry Richardson

Ever feel like you're overwhelmingly busy? Of course you have. We all do. But chances are, you might not be as busy as you think—and knowing this simple fact can reduce a lot of stress.

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Today in indomitable moxie (and, almost certainly, mental illness and/or addiction), a Florida woman walked into a supermarket with no pants and walked out with two boxes of Franzia wine. Livin' all the dreams at once.

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A fisherman got an extra special surprise in his daily catch last week.

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A Chinese beekeeper "thought it would be fun" to cover himself in nearly half a million bees.

Filmmaker Christopher Wiegand's ridiculous looking documentary, American Blogger is supposedly a film about the world of blogging, so long as you ignore everyone who isn't a gorgeous white lady living in a beautiful home.

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"Fake Drake" could be one of the best things we've seen on late night TV so far this year.

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Negotiations are tough, but even if the idea of negotiating scares you a bit, you don't have to be a pro to get what you want. Scientific American points to three simple, research backed tips that can help you get what you want.

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PORTLAND, OR—Making negligible movements with her arms and legs as she sluggishly made her way along the sidewalk, a woman gradually progressing down Madison Street Friday was barely even jogging, sources confirmed.

First of all, before we get into money talk, color me flabbergasted by the fact that there’s a park where apparently you can find free gems, take them home at your leisure and then sell them. Crater of Diamonds State Park exists, and it’s made one 14-year-old girl way richer than most kids her age.

The Arkansas park is the only diamond-producing site open to the public in the U.S., bringing in gem hunters from all over trying to find the next big thing.

That big thing for the Oklahoma teen in this case was a canary yellow 3.85-carat diamond that she found while rooting around in the dirt at the park for two hours last October with her family, which she just sold for $20,000, reports the Associated Press.

She told KWTV at the time that she would probably sell the diamond to pay for college if she decided not to turn it into jewelry.

“I thought it was a piece of paper or foil from a candy wrapper,” she said of the discovery. “Then, when I touched it, I thought it was a marble.” She adds that she believes God told her to slow down and take a look, which is when she realized it was a diamond.

Since the park opened in 1906, 75,000 diamonds have been discovered there, along with other gems like amethyst, garnet, peridot, jasper, agate, calcite, barite, and quartz.

Girl Gets $20K for Diamond Found in Arkansas Park [Associated Press]

Well here’s an update on a dude we first heard about way back in 2010: Virginia State Delegate Bob Marshall said back then that he believed that God punishes women who have abortions by sending them disabled children when they have later pregnancies. Here’s how it works, he said:

“The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion who have handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the firstborn of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children … It’s a special punishment, Christians would suggest.”

And here’s the cool thing: Now that he is running for Congress, Bob Marshall is not apologizing, not trying to back away from his remarks, or put them in context, or anything — he’s standing by his 2010 comments. It’s nice to see a politician who’s willing to stand up for his beliefs, especially when those beliefs are patently crazy and really quite mean.

Here he is in 2010, explaining all that in some of the muddiest audio we’ve heard all week:

In addition, Marshall said Thursday that he stands by his previous statements that Justice Anthony Kennedy is a closeted gay person, and that there should not be an exception allowing abortions in cases of incest, because maybe the incest was “voluntary.” Why, yes, Yr Wonkette would indeed support the issuance of a search warrant for the crawl space under Mr. Marshall’s house.

And here is a surprise — he’s even getting critical coverage from the Washington Times:

Mr. Marshall is unbowed over his history of controversial rhetoric as he seeks a seat in Congress representing Northern Virginia.

“I don’t care. I mean, if I say something in public, I say it in public,” Mr. Marshall said Thursday.

When he spoke to an anti-abortion group in 2013, Marshall closed his analysis of the decision striking down DOMA by saying, “For all I know, Kennedy’s a homosexual … You can’t be doing some of these things without this kind of conclusion.”

Again, he defends the comment today, saying “Clearly, some of the people who are making these decisions must be rationalizing their own bad behavior.” That is so true! It’s a lot like how we found out that every justice who voted in the majority in Loving v. Virginia was secretly black.

Similarly, Marshall stands by a 1989 remark published in the Boston Globe; asked why he opposed exceptions for abortion in the case of rape, incest, or to save the life of the woman, Marshall replied with a rhetorical question: “What if incest is voluntary? … Sometimes it is.”

He told the Washington Times that he still believed that, but that the columnist had missed the point of his remarks: “It doesn’t make it right or legal … It just gives the facts.”

Virginia Democrats are reportedly looking forward to Marshall winning his GOP primary. Heaven knows he’s got our endorsement for the primary, as well as a shiny new nomination for Wonkette’s coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award.

[Washington Times via RightWingWatch]

Life magazine asks: Is this the happiest photo ever made?

The photo was taken by Alfred Eisenstaedt, who was covering the University of Michigan's marching band. When some children playing nearby set off after this practicing drum major, he snapped the photo. Said Eisenstaedt, "This is a completely spontaneous, unstaged picture."

The photographer took many notable photos -- the famous V-J Day kiss in Times Square, of Marilyn Monroe, of Albert Einstein, of Joseph Goebbels -- but the drum major one above and his ballet series are my favorites (particularly this one).

Tags: Alfred Eisenstaedt   photography

Hey, you rebels out there, thinking you’re just too good for the laws the rest of us live by and decide to park in front of a hydrant. You might want to reconsider because not only could you end up with a destroyed vehicle, but you’re potentially risking lives if firefighters need access to that hydrant.

The driver of a BMW coupe is facing some repair work after leaving it parked in front of a fire hydrant — a very inconvenient location for firefighters battling an eight-alarm fire in East Boston last night, reports the Boston Globe.

Firefighters couldn’t waste time in getting water to their colleagues despite such a big obstacle, so they simply punched out the cars windows to run a firehose through and access the hydrant.

But even that wasn’t enough — the way the hose had to snake through the car’s windows created a kink that slowed down the water heading toward the raging blaze. Firefighters then had to lift the car slightly and move it.

While you might be nodding or even chuckling, thinking the car’s owner deserves it, there’s nothing funny about getting in the way of emergency services, a Boston Fire Department spokesman says.

“The general reaction is that some people find humor in it,” the spokesman noted. “But it’s really a serious situation. That water supply is the lifeblood of the engine company. The engine carries 750 gallons – and that could be gone in just two minutes. With that number of alarms, every hydrant is important,” adding, “There really is nothing funny about it.”

He says firefighters don’t want to damage private property, but they will if they have to to protect lives. So no matter if you think you won’t be in the way, just don’t park there.

“People always think it will never happen to me. But fire is so unpredictable, you just never know when that hydrant is needed,” the spokesman says.

For BMW at East Boston fire scene, blocking hydrant proves costly [Boston Globe]

Like a slowly approaching T-rex, whose every thunderous step sends ripples through your glass of water, the April 15 deadline for filing your income tax returns is drawing nigh. While it’s a gloom-and-doom occasion for some, it’s also a chance to score some free stuff.

Kiplinger’s has a larger round-up of a bunch of freebies and discounts tied to Tax Day, but here are a few of them that we thought might interest you:

• Schlotzky’s: On April 15, the sandwich chain is giving free “Original” sandwiches (ham, salami, three cheeses, fixings) with the purchase of 32-ounce fountain drink and a bag of chips. No coupon needed.

• Arby’s: Once again, the roast beef eatery is giving away curly fries on Tax Day. To get them, you’ll need to get a coupon from Arbys.com (it hasn’t been posted yet, but Kiplinger’s says it will be in the days right before April 15).

• Great American Cookies: The cookie chain is giving out free chocolate chip cookies on Tax Day at participating locations. No coupon needed.

• Office Depot: It’s not free food, but you can feed up to 5 pounds of paperwork into the Office Depot document shredder for free with this coupon through April 29. Presumably you can also shred the coupon once you’ve used it.

In what is one of the creepiest and most disturbing pregnancy announcements of all time, Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis and his girlfriend Abbey Wilson said they opted for IVF because they wanted to choose the sex of their babies so that people will finally just fucking get it already that he "loves, respects and admires" females.

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The coroner's office in Denver says that marijuana was a significant factor causing a student to fall to his death.

Two weeks ago, at Social Media Marketing World—"the world's largest social media marketing conference"—a young woman got on stage and sang an original song (entirely in her upper register) called "Let's Get Social." It's about social media.

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Some home offices don't make you feel like you're trapped indoors, but rather have an open, breezy atmosphere, thanks to lighting, light wall color, and natural materials. Two plants, woven chairs, and a homemade wooden desk for two make this one inspiring workspace.

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Image via Wikimedia Commons

As I'm sure you've heard, Fred Phelps, founder and chief dickhead of the Westboro Baptist Church, has died.

Presumably this has been a game changer in the Westboro world, and I wanted to get to know the new them. And what better way to get to know people than making them do a bunch of Buzzfeed quizzes? They have told me many, many things about myself and others that I never knew (and also probably didn't want to know, TBH).

Below is how the members of the church answered the quizzes I sent to them. The answer they selected is presented with a short quote from them explaining their choices. Enjoy!

Which Sex and the City Guy Is Your Soulmate? – Taken by Westboro member Mara Phelps

Q. Pick a dress color for your first date
A. Black ("Black is the color of the human soul. We have no good in us.")

Q. Pick the activity for your first date
A. Dancing ("King David danced in the street after seeing the Lord's divine rule acted out.")

Q. Where do you want to sleep right now?
A. A four poster bed ("It reminds me of Roman times, when people had the word of God with them.")

Q. What would you want for your anniversary?
A. A dog ("Because dogs are loyal.")

Q. Pick a dog
A. A terrier ("It reminds me of a dog called April that we used to have. And someone, in the middle of the night, broke in and slit her throat.")

Q. Pick a flower
A. An iris ("When we first moved to this house, we could see these flowers outside.")

Q. Which New York City tourist attraction would you actually like to visit?
A. The Empire State Building. ("It couldn't have been made unless God had given the engineers and the people who built it the ability to do so.")

Q. Pick a romantic comedy
A. Pretty Woman ("She was supposedly a prostitute with a heart of gold. This generation has been raised to think being promiscuous is something to be proud of. And it is not.")

Q. Which word makes you squirm?
A. Ooze ("There's a sickness to it. The Lord has cursed fags with AIDS which causes them to have sores that ooze.")

Q. When looking for a boyfriend, which of the following is most important?
A. Loyalty ("It's important for people to have loyalty to one's brothers.")

Q. Pick a brunch dish
A. Grapefruit. ("It looks really healthy.")

"I'm not familiar with this character or the show at all. It says he expects the perfect wife. A lot of people expect things to be perfect for them even though they don't deserve it."

Which Queen of Comedy Are You – Taken by Westboro member Jael Holroyd, 29 

Q. Pick a TV show
A. Saturday Night Live ("They bring to life the whole concept of 'there will be mockers.' And I like when current events prove the scriptures.")

Q. Someone says women aren't funny, you...
A. Do a perfect Charlie Chaplin impression ("We'd make a Vine out of it. We're @WBCsays on Vine.") 

Q. Pick a drink:
A. Milkshake ("Because they're delicious. I'm sorry I don't have a better answer for you than that.")

Q. Kids are...
A. Wonderful and hilarious ("They're little blessings. A gift from the Lord.")

Q. It's Friday night, where are you?
A. On Twitter ("Our account is @WBCsays, we like to be as creative as possible to reach all the different people out there.")

Q. Pick a vice...
A. The internet ("There's all kinds of freaky people out there.")

Q. The internet is...
A. A powerful medium ("People call us trolls but we're not doing this purely to provoke people.")

Q. Politics are...
A. Whatever ("Obama is a lying murderer.")

RESULT:

"We just picketed the Golden Globes. The one with her and Tina Fey. So I would have to say I am not Amy Poehler. She's pretty funny on Parks and Recreation, though."

How Big of a Dick Are You? – Taken by Westboro member Steve Drain

Q. Do you like Nickelback?
A. Not my cup of tea but to each his own ("I don't really feel like they were trying to be themselves. It felt like they were being derivative of bands of that time.")

Q. Could you be friends with Spencer Pratt?
A. Sure, why not? Probably has some fun stories ("I think that he's just as deserving of the Bible's truth as anyone else.")

Q. You go on a date, who pays?
A. I do, since I asked them out ("I only date my wife, and my wife is very, very good to me, and I try to do anything I can to please her. It's not easy being married to me.")

Q. Would you wear this Tapout shirt?
A. I'm more into Affliction stuff ("I'm not even into Affliction stuff anymore. I don't wear it anymore, but the word 'affliction' reminds me of the affliction of Joseph.")

Q. Do you respond to missed calls and emails right away?
A. Yes, or as soon as I can. I'm sorta busy. ("If it's one of my brothers or sisters in Christ, I wanna see what I can do to help them.")

Q. How do you feel about gourmet food?
A. Gross. Yuck. ("I'm only talking about that particular picture in the quiz. But I'm not opposed to all gourmet food. The Lord, Jesus Christ said 'Man shall not live by bread alone.'")

Q. An asteroid is hurtling towards Earth and you have one last day. How do you spend it?
A. With my friends and family enjoying the time we have left together ("I don't think an asteroid will be hurtling toward Earth. I think the Lord is going to be hurtling toward Earth, coming from the clouds with ten thousand of the Saints to execute judgment on the ungoldy and I want to be beheld as a friend by the Lord Jesus Christ.")

Q. Your significant other says "I love you" for the first time, what do you do?
A. Say "I love you back" and kiss them passionately ("I'm only answering that way because I have four options to choose from. But for the first time it wouldn't have been appropriate.")

Q. A random person across the street trips and falls. You:
A. Luckily I caught it on Vine. #epicfail ("I have a guilty pleasure, and that is watching videos of people falling over. As long as they aren't seriously hurt. I love trampoline accidents, I love pinata accidents, you know?")

Result:

"Now look at that! I'm glad that you're not gonna say that I'm that big of a D-star-star-K. I'll tell you how somebody can be a really big d**k, though: lying to someone else about the Bible. Not warning them about their sin. We're supposed to love one another, and the way we're supposed to do that is to warn one another when we're caught up in sin."

Which Pop Star Should Be Your Best Friend? – Taken by Westboro member Rebekah Phelps-Roper

Q. What would you like to do for a night out?
A. Go see some live music ("We sing a lot of parodies of popular music. I sing the Lorde one, you can hear it on our Soundcloud.")

Q. What do you usually talk about?
A. How to make the world a better place ("By preaching, because that is the only way anything can get better.")

Q. What should your best friend do if you get dumped?
A. Try to make you laugh ("I don't date, so I'm answering as though a man at a picket yelled at me.")

Q. How do you feel about gossip?
A. Haters gonna hate ("That pretty much describes everyone who talks about us, including the media.")

Q. Which show would you binge watch?
A. Adventure Time ("I haven't binge watched a show since Grey's Anatomy.")

Q. And what would you like to eat while you're watching it?
A. Popcorn and Diet Coke ("Whatever you're going to eat, make sure it's in moderation, because that's how you're meant to live your life.")

Q. How would your best friend celebrate your birthday?
A. Bake you a cake ("I love celebrating things with cakes, including birthdays.")

Q. What should be the tone of their toast at your wedding?
A. Earnest ("Because weddings are, of course, solemn things.")

RESULT:

"We picketed Taylor Swift! She would not be my best friend, because I would tell her very kindly and gently, 'You have to stop sleeping around with men, girl.' The Lord hates that."

 

Which Twin Peaks Character Are You? – Taken by Westboro member Steve Drain

Q. Pick a movie
A. Fargo ("I like the Coen Brothers a lot. Their films tend to be morality plays.")

Q. What term best describes you?
A. Loyal ("I hope to be loyal in my service to God.")

Q. Pick a song
A. "Money" by Pink Floyd ("I think they're a very underrated band.")

Q. What's your ideal Friday night?
A. Hanging with your significant other ("I love my wife, she's the wife of my youth. And the Lord tells us to rejoice with the wife of thy youth.")

Q. Pick a food
A. Maraschino cherries ("I put maraschino cherries in soda. I think it spices it up.")

Q. Describe your personal style
A. No. ("I don't think any of the other stuff really describes me very well.")

Q. Pick a TV show
A. Breaking Bad ("It's a very interesting story. It's complex. I don't like stories where you already know what's going to happen. Though I've gotta tell you, with all of his supposed love for his wife and son, rather than deciding to be a meth kingpin, he could've just trusted that the Lord would take care of his son and wife.")

RESULT:

"Who is that? I guess he's one of the prime suspects for killing the girl. He looks like he's a good-looking, clean-cut kid. Which means he doesn't at all resemble me."

 

Which Golden Girl Are You? – Taken by Westboro member Mara Phelps

Q, Pick a celebrity chef
A. Ina Garten ("Because I know that she works with a lot of fags, which is part of the reason this country has gotten itself into so much trouble with God.")

Q. Which Real Housewife opening quote do you most relate to?
A. 'I'm not afraid to say what everyone else is thinking.' ("Other people are pushing this concept that sodomy is OK, and I think a lot of people are afraid to say that it's not.")

Q. What is your favorite party game?
A. Truth or dare ("Because it forces people to tell the truth, and I think a lot of people are uncomfortable telling the truth.")

Q. Which social network do you spend the most time on?
A. Twitter ("I don't have any of these, but I have been on Twitter.")

Q. What would your superhero power be?
A. Flight ("Flying commercial to all these pickets is just no fun.")

Q. What do you look for in a lover?
A. Comfort ("I want my husband to comfort my spirit by reading true words from the Bible.")

Q. Which oddly specific Netflix category most appeals to you?
A. Romantic comedies based on classic literature ("I think of things from older centuries when it was more out in the open to talk about sin.")

Q. Pick a 2014 best picture nominee
A. Nebraska ("We have had some awesome pickets in Nebraska.")

Q. Which Disney Princess is your favorite?
A. Snow White ("She reminds me of a more innocent time.")

Q. Which Hogwarts house would you be sorted in to?
A. Slytherin ("Because everybody hates us.")

RESULT:

"I used to watch Golden Girls because I used to have to babysit in the 80s, and that was always on on a Friday night. I don't really remember this specific character though."

 

"What Country Do You Actually Belong In?" – Taken by Westboro member Jael Holroyd

Q. Which of the following is your favorite dish?
A. Homemade meat pie ("My husband is English and I made him some meat pasties. They turned out pretty darn good!")

Q. Choose the first word that speaks to you
A. Word ("Jesus Christ is the word.")

Q. Pick an animal
A. An eagle ("Isaiah 40, verse 31 says, 'Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles.'")

Q. What's the most important to you out of these?
A. Faith ("I'm reluctant to use the term because it's been misconstrued and perverted by people who pretend they care about the Lord.")

Q. Which sport could you watch/play forever?
A. Soccer ("We like to play soccer around here.")

Q. Which of these do you hate most?
A. Ignorance ("The scriptures contain answers to every single question you could want to know.")

Q. Pick one of these vices/sins/guilty pleasures:
A. A laptop ("But only using that for good purposes and preaching a good message.")

Q. Where do you wish you could teleport to right now?
A. Pizza ("God hates Holland, by the way.")

Q. Pick a color combination that appeals to you
A. Green and white ("Because it's pretty.")

Q. Choose an animal wearing a sweater
A. A calf ("Because he looks little and vulnerable and sweet.")

Q. What was the last thing you tripped on?
A. My own two feet ("I tripped the other day at work. A bunch of people were looking at me.")

Q. Which celebrity is your dream lunch date?
A. Richard Dawkins ("I wouldn't do a lot of listening, I would do a lot of talking.")

Q. How do you respond to problems?
A. I ask for help ("If you act on your own, you are going to do foolish and unwise things.")

Q. Pick a baby
A. A baby lifting weights ("Did you know 4,000 babies are murdered every day?")

RESULT:

"I feel a little disappointed because, several times in the scripture, Egypt is used to represent people who are against God."

Follow Jamie on Twitter.

WASHINGTON—Following a comprehensive two-year linguistic survey, a report published Wednesday in the academic journal Language revealed that 58 percent of Japanese speakers worldwide are 23-year-old white men from the United States.

Well, they do sometimes but not very often. Left turns cross traffic, which wastes time and causes accidents. So UPS routes are designed with mostly right turns...three rights make a left, you know.

UPS engineers found that left-hand turns were a major drag on efficiency. Turning against traffic resulted in long waits in left-hand turn lanes that wasted time and fuel, and it also led to a disproportionate number of accidents. By mapping out routes that involved "a series of right-hand loops," UPS improved profits and safety while touting their catchy, environmentally friendly policy.

I wonder though, does this make the drivers unhappy?

Tags: business   UPS

Christina Hendricks has never seen Game of Thrones, but she once in a moment of panic, told a reporter that she'd like to be on it and thus launched a thousand fan fantasies. Even having fessed up to being a little ignorant about the show and books, the Mad Men actress stands by her choice, telling Conan that she'd still be thrilled to appear on the series.

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