IKEA MonkeyYou know how there are those people out there who believe that lizard people live among us? I think this woman is their best argument for that claim.
On Friday, V. Stiviano sat down with Barbara Walters for an interview that was supposed to include embattled Clippers owner Donald Sterling. Sterling dropped out but Stiviano kept it interesting by calling herself a “silly rabbit.” And that's not even the weirdest part.
IKEA MonkeyDamn, Illinois
According to new Gallup polling, if you live in Illinois, Connecticut or Maryland, there's a good chance you wish you lived somewhere else: Roughly half of residents interviewed said that they'd rather live somewhere else.
IKEA MonkeyHow many international teams are being sent into nigeria to save these girls? Same amount of resources being poured into finding that missing plane, right?
IKEA MonkeyCorey
IKEA MonkeySo Jersey
IKEA Monkeyi *need* Christina Hendrick's dress.
John Slattery directed a movie, Christina Hendricks is in it, and a bunch of Mad Men folks came out for the premiere. Sadly, this sandwich contains no Hamm. Read More ...IKEA MonkeyWatched this again last night. It holds up if you have very low expectations, but it is campy and fun.
Eighteen years ago, on May 3, 1996, The Craft hit theaters. The teen witch genre never looked so fierce.
IKEA MonkeyI just subscribed to this blog because of Erin's "glue movie" share and its great! Everything he lists as awesome really is awesome. Having a baby fall asleep on me really is the best feeling. Its so relaxing. I usually end up falling asleep, too.
You’re a human pillow.
Feel that tiny heart beating on your chest, that strawberry-sized hand gripping your finger, and those baby powder breaths softly whispering in and out…
When you were a little baby you fell asleep on people all the time, too. Now that you’re all grown up you’re helping another life on its way.
And just think: One day way off in the distance this softly sleeping snuggler will be doing the exact same thing.
AWESOME!
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–Email message–
“I got back from vacation yesterday to my shipment of Books of Awesome and I am making my copy mandatory bed-time reading right now. You’ve inspired my boyfriend Lawren and I to share one awesome thing we experienced each day, as a reminder to start looking at all the wonderful things in life. Here are two pics of us enjoying your book in various ‘exotic locations.’” – Arlene
Photo from: here
IKEA MonkeyHeh, cute
One pop-culture savvy donut shop employee is doing the lord’s work. After being given permission to put whatever he wants on customer’s receipts at Stan’s Donuts in Chicago, he decided to include a printed transcription of Mitch Hedberg’s “Receipt For Donut” bit, in which the late comedian claims that he can’t think of a situation in which he’d need a receipt for a donut.
The staffer posted a picture of the receipt to Reddit, where it quickly got a lot of play—including getting picked up by places like the International Business Times. Said Redditor insists his donut receipts shouldn’t be in the actual news, but a donut-hungry public clearly has a fever for witty cashier banter. According to Geekosystem, the receipt message was subsequently changed to ...
IKEA Monkeywould wear
Burger sneakers are nothing new. Nonetheless, End Clothing recently teamed up with Saucony to bring us the Saucony Shadow 5000 Burger.
Taking a bit more subtle approach than the previous burger kicks, the nubuck and suede uppers merely borrow from a hamburger’s color palette – reinforcing the theme with just a little stitched burger on the tongue. Mmmm… Burger on the tongue.
Oh, where was I? Oh right, the sneakers… They’ll be available to purchase in a few days here, so you can make all of your other meat-eating friends swoon.
[link, via First We Feast]
IKEA Monkeywhat the fuck
Earlier this year, boxer Floyd Mayweather got dumped by his fiancee Shantel Jackson after he allegedly cheated on her. But Mayweather has since apparently gone batshit insane, insisting that it was he who dumped her, and that he did it because she had "a abortion." To support this accusation, he posted what he claims are images from a sonogram Jackson had in December. Holy shit.
IKEA MonkeyWhy not hook the thing up to something and tow it back into the sea? Like hook it up to some chains or a harness or something, run the lines out to a ship (use a Duck or something to get the lines to the boat) and then tow the thing back to the sea? Let it feed the ocean floor. Someone tell me why this ain't possible, damn shit got me heated.
A dead whale on the California coast in 2007. Photo via Flickr user Images by John 'K'
OK, so let's say you have a dead whale on your hands. Depending on where you live, this is not as uncommon a problem as it might seem. Residents of Newfoundland, Canada, for example, are currently dealing with a pair of rotting blue whale corpses. These noble giants of the sea were likely killed by some ice, and now they sit rather ignobly on rocky beaches, rotting and slowly filling up with methane gas, which bloats the bodies and could cause them to explode.
Living beached whales are a challenge to deal with in their own right. Occasionally, they can be kept wet and breathing long enough to be guided back to sea, but often they die of natural causes or have to be euthanized to spare them unnecessary suffering. When that happens, you’re left with the same issue faced by local officials in Newfoundland, where the government has told the towns of Trout River and Rocky Harbor that it’s their responsibility to deal with the whales—how do you handle 60 tons of decomposing meat?
Here are some options:
Let the corpses stay: They might be good for tourism!
Everyone loves a giant dead aquatic mammal. From the Wire:
People have been flocking to the town in the past week to get a look at the carcass, according to Jenny Parsons, a restaurant owner in town.
[…]
At least one Trout River resident wants to take advantage of the large influx of gawkers. She told the Guardian, ‘Right now we have a stream of traffic coming to see this whale, and we would like that to develop further into maybe “What can we do with this whale for future tourism?”’
The difficulty here is that people like looking at whale corpses, but they really, really don’t like smelling them—the same folks snapping #DeadWhaleSelfies will presumably not hang around to sample the local delicacies when the air smells like bloated, rotting blubber.
OK, but can anything be done to profit from the whales’ deaths? Can people sell bits of blubber as souvenirs?
No, absolutely not. Blue whales are endangered, which means you can’t saw off the whales’ flippers—as one bold Trout River resident did—without breaking the law. And getting close to the corpses means you risk getting all kinds of whale-borne diseases, not to mention the chance of falling into a whale if you stand on its decomposing skin.
What about getting rid of all the nasty blubber and turning the whales’ skeletons over to a museum?
Some communities in Newfoundland have been doing this—the plan is to “develop a network of whale skeleton pavilions” according to a 2010 CBC News story about how the Canadian town of King’s Point built one such structure. That article says it took nearly a decade of volunteer labor and $700,000 ($640,000 American) to strip the meat from the bones, though the end result was “definitely worth the effort.”
But when asked about the prospects of doing that to the dead whales in Trout River and Rocky Harbour, Maurice Budgell, the guy in charge of the King’s Point Heritage Society, didn’t seem excited about undertaking the task again:
"'With all of the problems that we had with the one that we have here now, it would be a monstrous job to take on something else like that,' said Budgell.
'The biggest problem for us were just [the] volunteers not in the fishing business — it was the smell of the whale, the smell of the blubber.'
Budgell said some of the equipment used to get the flesh off the bones still smell like rotting whale blubber, ten years after the task was completed."
Truck the bodies away to a landfill then!
Provided you have a big enough truck and a crane that can lift the whale carcass, this is a good way to at least get the whale away from your town. You have to be careful about transporting these big guys, though, as they can explode at any time, as Taiwan residents found out in 2004.
By the way, if you want to see a video of how a whale explodes due to methane-gas buildup, I STRONGLY RECOMMEND you watch this video of a biologist cutting a corpse open (for science!) and nearly getting blasted by a slurry of blood and organs. Pay particular attention to the nervous guy getting the hell out of the way at the 0:05 mark:
Why not graffiti the corpses?
OK, you could do this—as one New Jersey resident did to a small dead whale that recently washed up in Atlantic City—but it still doesn’t solve your problem.
What about just blowing the whole thing up?
This novel solution was notoriously hit upon by an engineer in Oregon named Paul Thornton, who was tasked with dealing with a whale corpse in 1970. This decision resulted in chunks of whale blubber—some as big as coffee tables—raining down on suddenly terrified bystanders. Eventually, thanks to one of the most charming websites of all time, the story of the Exploding Whale and Thornton’s terrible, terrible decision spread far and wide. The local news story on the incident has been seen by millions, and should be in some kind of hall of fame:
OK, shit, so… bury the bodies?
This may be the best thing to do with a whale corpse: New York City buried a 60-foot finback whale that washed up in 2012, and Uruguay disposed of a 52-foot sperm whale that way earlier this year. That doesn’t mean it’s easy to do, however—you’ll need a lot of cranes and trucks to get the job done. And as a 2009 whale burial in Florence, Oregon, shows, putting one of these guys in the ground can involve cutting them into pieces, which is EXTREMELY GROSS JESUS CHRIST:
Anyway, if you see a dead whale on the beach, tell an adult immediately. If you want to know what’s going on with the whales in Newfoundland, check out HasTheWhaleExplodedYet.com.
Follow Harry Cheadle on Twitter.
IKEA Monkeyi don't think I've made drunken pizza, but I have ordered pizza while drunk. I have cooked while drunk though. somehow I have managed not to burn myself or hurt myself, despite having deep-fried things while drunk.
[Photograph: Huffington Post/Flickr-BobbyV_]
The Huffington Post recently pulled together 10 highlights from the SubReddit Drunken Cookery, which is exactly what the name implies: the fevered, late-night gastronomic masterpieces turned out by the inebriated. Pizza is an immediately obvious pairing to drunken cooking—it's delicious and quick, most of us keep some basic version of the components on hand, and it's been a classic companion to drinking since time immemorial. The above shot is #2 on their list, topped by deep fried pizza and followed by a pizza quesadilla. Check out the site for the full list!
So how about it—what Frankensteinian pizza creations do you have hiding in your past?
About the author: Kate Andersen is a Contributing Editor for Slice.
IKEA Monkeyclearly these people have no idea how water filtration works and that things are peeing in that water 24/7
IKEA MonkeyI would let Terry Crews yell at me
Deadline reports that the title of the long-running syndicated game show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? could soon sound even more like a dare, as Terry Crews is in final talks to host. Crews is already plenty busy with his role on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, but apparently not so busy that he can’t make room for coaxing the answers to trivia questions out of Millionaire contestants—possibly by just reaching in and ripping them right out of their throats to save time. It’s also expected Crews could shave a few minutes off every episode by responding to their pansy-ass requests to “use a lifeline” by being Terry Crews. “You want to be a millionaire or what?” Crews would ask some stammering, soft-bodied loser as they slink back into the darkness. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
If he takes the job, Crews would succeed previous host Cedric The ...
IKEA MonkeyAKA the best tasting things on the menu
Olive Garden’s Lasagna Fritta appetizer has more than 1,000 calories and a full day’s worth of sodium.
The Center for Science in the Public Interest’s latest Nutrition Action Healthletter [PDF] takes a look at wide range of menu items from these four chain restaurants, where offerings have as few as 340 calories and as many as 1,690 for a single dish. Alas, even many of the dishes under 600 calories still contain at nearly a day’s worth of sodium.
Here are some highlights, course-by-course…
APPETIZERS
•Most Calorific: Olive Garden Lasagna Fritta
It’s lasagna pieces that are then breaded and fried… then served over alfredo sauce and topped with parmesan cheese and marinara. So your appetizer course has already set you back 1,030 calories, including 21 grams of saturated fat, and 1,590mg of sodium — about a full day’s worth.
•Most Sodium-Soaked: Carabba’s Calamari
The two sauce options for calamari at Carabba’s — marinara or “spicy Italian pepper and lemon butter” — make a huge difference in terms of calories, with the latter pushing this appetizer to more than 1,500 calories. But regardless of which sauce you choose, you’re devouring a ton of sodium. The calamari with marinara sauce tops out at 1,960mg of sodium, while the lemon butter sauce goes even saltier with 2,130 mg.
•Least Harmful Option: Carraba’s Tomatoes Caprese
It’s just non-fried mozzarella, tomatoes, onions, basil and balsamic vinegar, which explains why it’s only 450 calories, and why its 340mg of sodium is only about 1/3 of what you’ll find on almost all of the other apps.
PASTA
•Shrimp Is Not Necessarily a Diet Food: Maggiano’s Shrimp Scampi
You might think that shrimp, which contain minimal fat and calories, would result in a pasta dish that is relatively not unhealthy, but this dish at Maggiano’s was had the most calories (1,680) and highest sodium level (2,490mg) of any pasta dish in the survey.
“To your arteries and waistline, this dish looks like three Big Macs,” writes CSPI.
By comparison, Olive Garden’s spaghetti and meatballs — a menu item you’d probably assume would have more calories — has 700 fewer calories and 720mg less sodium than Maggiano’s shrimp dish.
•Low-Cal Doesn’t Mean Low Sodium: Olive Garden Seafood Brodetto
There are a few lower-calorie pasta dishes available at these restaurants, but many of them still have nearly a day’s worth of sodium. And then there’s this Olive Garden offering with shrimp, scallops, and tilapia; it only has 480 calories, but it also brings a whopping 2,250mg of sodium to the table.
ENTREES
•Anything with Trio in the Name Probably Isn’t a Health Food: Macaroni Grill Mama’s Trio
It shouldn’t surprise you that this sampler of three different dishes — Chicken Parmesan, Lasagna Bolognese, and Chicken & Mushroom Cannelloni — adds up to a hefty calorie count (1,430), but it’s the sodium that’ll get you. With 3,430mg, this plate has more than two days’ worth of the stuff!
•A Chicken Dish Takes the Calorie Crown: Maggiano’s Chicken Saltimbocca
Much like the previously mentioned “It’s shrimp, so it can’t be that bad for me” mistake, the chicken breast in this dish might lead some to think it’s not going to kill them with calories. But thanks to the inclusion of prosciutto, provolone, butter, and pasta, it adds up to 1,690 calories, 28 grams of saturated fat, and 3,370 mg sodium.
DESSERT
•That’s Crostada Calories: Maggiano’s Apple Crostada
Take Granny Smith apples, bake them in a buttery pastry crust, then dip them in cream and crystallized sugar… oh, and serve with caramel sauce and a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream. All that deliciousness adds up to 1,330 calories, 40g of saturated fat… and 23.5 teaspoons of sugar.
“Why not save some money and head to McDonald’s for five Baked Apple Pies plus a Vanilla Cone?” asks CSPI. “They’ll do about the same damage.”
IKEA MonkeySTILL LOOKING GOOD CMM
Let’s talk about our beloved Mayor of Squintsville, Chad Michael Murray. Remember like two years ago when Natalie Portman decided she was rebooting Scruples — BE STILL MY HEART — and then they went and cast CMM as Spider — MY HEART IS BROKEN — which is the worst casting EVER and then that pilot Read More ...IKEA MonkeyThese two work for Crate & Barrel? I couldn't tell.
Name: Dave Widmer, CB2 eCommerce Brand Director and Chad Ross, Crate and Barrel Visual Merchandising Team Lead
Location: Andersonville; Chicago, IL
Size: 1,600 square feet
Years lived in: 2 years; Owned
Never hesitate to walk through a bright green front door: I promise you, only good things are waiting for you on the other side. In the home of Chad and Dave every last detail from the foundation to the roof and everything in between was meticulously thought about and designed. A delightful collection of objects, furniture and artwork populate the home, telling a personal story of two people who are imbedded into the fabric of their community.
IKEA MonkeySurprisingly really sweet
Ilana Glazer of Broad City got a bunch of total strangers to sit with her on a nice, sunny day in the park and share how they lost their virginity.
IKEA MonkeyPretties
Over the last couple of centuries, wedding dresses have mutated, Godzilla-like, from a gown worn while saying vows to the centerpiece of a huge industry. If you're curious how that happened—and, more importantly, keen to gawk at some really luxe examples of the form—there's a new museum exhibit devoted to the topic.
The project of El-P and Killer Mike brings together two always intensely entertaining artists onstage for a collaborative project that has created some of the heaviest hip hop of the past few years. [ more › ]
IKEA MonkeyTimmy
IKEA Monkey"Vestin Rahmani describes two Australian superyacht stewardesses who even leaped into jellyfish-infested ocean for their master.
"They had a young, female, Arab boss, a very sweet woman who they adored and who never ever went in the water. But one day she was in the mood to go for a swim, even though there were jellyfish," she explained.
"So what they did was jump in the water and clear everything in front of her -- they got stung to pieces. It was a sign of respect from them. I just think it's a nice story."
No.
IKEA MonkeyDo what now?
Instant ramen is a poor shadow of the noodles you get at a ramen shop. Now you can make better-than-instant ramen at home for even less than those cheap packets you find at the grocery store.
IKEA Monkeydamn
Found in an empty storage unit by KNYC in Manistee, MI
IKEA MonkeyLOLing at the headline
A Massachusetts woman is currently recuperating after giving birth to a baby girl weighing 14 pounds and 8 ounces. All together now: Wince. Somebody get that lady a cocktail and an economy-sized bottle of ibuprofen.
IKEA MonkeyIts only 50 seconds but hot damn, that's crazy
Regardless of whether you enjoy So You Think You Can Dance, you've got to see this video of 18-year-old contestant Michael killing his solo on this this week's episode of the Australian version of the show. It's like he can fly! (Also: how does he fling himself on the ground so hard without hurting himself? After the first flip I was certain we were about to see a real-life medical emergency on TV.)
