allie

stormofsnow:

What will stop straight white boys texting?

“Dream as if you’ll live forever; live as if you’ll nap today.”

“Nap like no one is listening. Nap like you’ve never been hurt. Nap like nobody is watching.”

“Do one nap every day that scares you.”

“Be the nap you wish to see in the world.”

“Every girl is napping. Sometimes it just takes the right guy to see it.”

“Nap for the job you want, not the job you have (which you are also napping at).”

“Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is napping.”

“To the world you might just be anyone, but to one person you’re napping.”

“Never frown because you never know who is falling asleep to your smile.”

“When life gives you lemons, take a nap.”

“Everything happens for a nap.”

“Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss you’ll take a nap.”

“What doesn’t kill you makes you nap.”

We’ve been sweet on the music of Boston’s Matthew Connor ever since the singer did the unthinkable and crooned all sorts of lovely over electro beats and synthy treats in late-2000s party starters Provocateur. In recent years he’s made a name for himself as a solo artist, stripping his sound down and going back to […]

The post Video: Matthew Connor recalls an old-fashioned romance in the bittersweet ‘How Is July Already Over?’ appeared first on Vanyaland.

Feministing Jamz faves Kelela and Le1f teamed up with P Morris to bring you this gem of a track this morning. Enjoy it after the jump! 

Oh, and I realize that your girl has been slackin’ on the Jamz posts lately, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought of a bunch of good songs and videos that would be great to post here. Since you can’t get in my head though, I’ll tweet a few later today — look for them under the #FeministingJamz hashtag.

Verónica is sorry she hasn’t done a Jamz post in the last couple weeks, but this week she’ll do two to make up for it! 

parahsaige:

LORD COME QUICKLY

As Ferguson continues to reel after Michael Brown’s death and the police threaten to shoot journalists and tear gas children, three badass teenage coders from Georgia have developed a timely mobile app to hold police accountable.

Five-O, created by siblings Ima, Asha, and Caleb Christian, allows users to detail their encounters with police officers and rate them on their professionalism. Anyone can check how their community stacks up and the information will be sent to law enforcement. “We’d like to know which regions in the US provide horrible law enforcement services as well as highlight the agencies that are highly rated by their citizens, explained senior Ima.” In addition to putting more power into the hands of citizens when interacting with law enforcement, we believe that highly rated police departments should be used as models for those that fail at providing quality law enforcement services.” 

Though it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it much of the time, the police are supposed to “protect and serve” us — all of us. Law enforcement departments across the country should be thanking these high school students for helping them see if their officers are doing their jobs. The app is available for download starting today!

Maya Dusenbery is an Executive Director of Feministing.

Although you might have never uttered the words "I'm a huge Robin Williams fan," I could probably rattle off at least five of his movies that you love, or that at the least made you very happy for a while. Robin Williams was omnipresent through a lot of our childhoods. Somehow, through the range and progression of his roles, he was able to rise up and meet my generation at whatever level of maturation we were at, from the age of about four onward until he stopped existing.

Learning how to channel grief is hard, especially when it's over someone you didn't know personally. I draw pictures, as do a lot of people I know. Robin Williams was a fan of comics and illustration, so I asked people to submit drawings of him in tribute.

Out of hundreds of submissions, here are the 15 I thought were best.

Alex Fine

Nick Gazin

Brian Butler

Killer Acid

Serena Dominguez

Rick Altergott

Mathilde Van Gheluwe

Penelope Gazin

Zack Soto

Matt French

A.T. Pratt

Spencer Hicks

The Humongous Fungus Among Us Issue was primarily sponsored by two competing children's whiskey brands. The other one was Detention.

1. Giant otter-shrew

2. Moon rat

3. Brindled weasel

4. Three-inch fool

5. Limpkin

6. Scullion

7. Crab-eating raccoon

8. Greasy tallow-catch

9. Mongrel bitch

10. Moldy rogue

11. Snipe eel

12. Cream-faced loon

13. Embossed carbuncle

14. Scaly-breasted thrasher

15. Blue-footed booby

16. Nudibranch

Shakespearian insults: 4, 6, 8, 9, 10, 12, 13
Animals: 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 14, 15, 16

[They all said it was so wrong. But in the end---it felt so right. To BLAZES what the others say. This is OUR LOFF, and it will NOT BE DENIED. BTW, anything good to eat around here?]

From BP.

For awhile now, Jezebel has been dealing with some trolls posting gifs of violent porn in their comments section using anonymous burner accounts. It’s a shitty game of whack-a-mole that exposes readers to triggering content and requires the writers and editors to delete the comments every day. After months of inaction by the higher ups at Gawker Media, the Jezebel staff is publicly demanding they address the problem. 

This practice is profoundly upsetting to our commenters who have the misfortune of starting their day with some excessively violent images, to casual readers who drop by to skim Jezebel with their morning coffee only to see hard core pornography at the bottom of a post about Michelle Obama, and especially to the staff, who are the only ones capable of removing the comments and are thus, by default, now required to view and interact with violent pornography and gore as part of our jobs.

None of us are paid enough to deal with this on a daily basis.

Higher ups at Gawker are well aware of the problem with this feature of Kinja (our publishing platform, in case you’re new here). We receive multiple distressed emails from readers every time this happens, and have been forwarding them to the architects of Kinja and to higher ups on Gawker’s editorial side for months. Nothing has changed. During the last staff meeting, when the subject was broached, we were told that there were no plans to enable the blocking of IP addresses, no plans to record IP addresses of burner accounts. Moderation tools are supposedly in development, but change is not coming fast enough. This has been going on for months, and it’s impacting our ability to do our jobs.

In refusing to address the problem, Gawker’s leadership is prioritizing theoretical anonymous tipsters over a very real and immediate threat to the mental health of Jezebel’s staff and readers. If this were happening at another website, if another workplace was essentially requiring its female employees to manage a malevolent human pornbot, we’d report the hell out of it here and cite it as another example of employers failing to take the safety of its female employees seriously. But it’s happening to us. It’s been happening to us for months. And it feels hypocritical to continue to remain silent about it.

Kudos to the Jezebel leadership for writing this post. We hope Gawker gets their priorities straight asap.

The rancid beef between Snarf’s drama-loving second cousin, once removed and the living Crank Yankers puppet lives on! On Wednesday night, Lil’ Kim released the follow-up to her remix of Beyoncé’s remix of “Flawless” (suggested title: “Faulty”), a not-so-subtle swipe at Nicki Minaj called “Identity Theft“. The song, which is a whopping 2 minutes long, features Kim rapping about how she’s still the best and she’s back and bitches better watch out or she’ll bust some angry imitation La Toya Jackson moves on you. But the real message I got from “Identity Theft” is that Royal Reign is keeping her mom up at night, because Kim sounds sleepy. Either that, or Kim accidentally ate an Ambien sandwich before they started recording.

Because Lil’ Kim is always a stickler for the details (see: Lil’ Kim’s tireless quest for finding the perfect cashew-shaped nose), she made sure the artwork for “Identity Theft” was just as subtle and nuanced as the song itself. The Garfield to Nicki’s Nermal (I know, how dare I drag Nermal into this dehydrated litter box cat turd of a fight) posted this picture of her New Jersey driver’s license with a photo of Nicki to Instagram with the caption:

“Be careful what you wish for… #HardCoreMixtapeUpNext #TheQueenIsBack #QueenBee”

If I were Lil’ Kim, I’d print that picture out and Mod Podge on top of my actual license, because that picture of Nicki Minaj is an UPGRADE. No T no shade, everyone takes a shit driver’s license photo: I look like a cross-eyed Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheat in a budget weave, and that was AFTER I gave the bitch at the DMV my watch and a $20 gift card for Swiss Chalet. So I can’t imagine what Lil’ Kim’s real driver’s license photo looks like. Actually, I can. She probably walks in to the DMV, they ask her to remove her scary Halloween mask, she slides a note from her surgeon across the desk that says “My bad!”, they mumble “ay dios mio” as they make the sign of the cross, and agree to use a picture of her purple pasty-covered nipple instead.

And in case you want to hear the robo-rapping of Queen Bey followed by slow-mo rapping of Queen B, here’s Lil’ Kim’s version of Beyoncé’s remix to “Flawless”:

Pic: Instagram

Steve Buscemi and my mom grew up in Valley Stream, Long Island, at the same time. They didn't go to the same elementary school — Buscemi went to Clearstream; my mom went to Forest Road (where I also went years later) — but they shared a school district — District 30. As a result, they were in the same yearbook, which, fortunately, my mom kept. Below is a picture of little Buscemi in sixth grade, in which he looks like a spooky/cute boy who will one day grow into a spooky/cute man. Nice to meet you, Steven.

Read more posts by Jesse David Fox

Filed Under: steve buscemi ,yearbook photos ,movies ,way back when ,candy

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance… I hope you dance.
I hope you dance… I hope you dance.
I hope you dance…I hope you dance.

— Lee Ann Womack, “I Hope You Dance” (2000)

And when you get the choice to go to the same place for happy hour you went to last time or try that new place you saw on Thrillist, I hope you try that new place you saw on Thrillist.

And when you get the choice to go to sleep at 10:45 or finish the last like 30 pages of the book you’re reading, I hope you finish the last like 30 pages of the book you’re reading.

And when you get the choice to buy a less expensive DVD with a similar cover and title to that of Frozen for your nieces or buy Frozen, I hope you buy Frozen.

And when you get the choice to leave after Il Deserto Rosso or stay for the entire Antonioni festival, I hope you stay for the entire Antonioni festival.

And when you get the choice to blow off that party because your friend got sick or go to it even though you don’t know those guys very well, I hope you go to it even though you don’t know those guys very well.

And when you get the choice to catch up on work emails or go to brunch with your roommate and her parents before they have to leave for the airport, I hope you go to brunch with your roommate and her parents before they have to leave for the airport.

And when you get the choice to return your Zipcar twenty minutes early or quickly go to Safeway to get those pretzels you like, I hope you quickly go to Safeway to get those pretzels you like.

Creative Hamburger Cookery
DeGouy
1951

Clearly, this book was published before food photography was a thing. If I didn’t know better, I would think that was a pile of dirt decorating those plates with some lovely garnish.

Hamburger meat is a staple of the time as it is usually quick and cheap. My mother was the master at creating recipes out of hamburger. Hardly anything to brag about, but I am sure it was quick and within budget. This book is much of the same.  All the traditional incarnations of hamburger are well represented. Basically it is either a loaf, a meatball (this cookbook calls them burger balls), or a dressed up hamburger sandwich.

Nothing that spectacular and as a cookbook, the directions are written rather broadly and there are no illustrations. My advice: stick with the family meatloaf recipe and don’t get cute trying to make hamburger something more than it is.

Mary

More vintage recipes:

Mmmmm Meat!

It’s Congealed!

Tuna Chip Casserole or Tomato Delight?

Fresh off their win in the 2014 Improper Bostonian ‘Best’ awards for Best Dance Party (which seems like a routine thing by now), Soulelujah will soon be taking it outside. The long-standing Saturday night soul night at Zuzu recently expanded to the far reaches of the Middle East to ease overcrowding inside the Cambridge club, […]

The post Tale of the Tape: Here’s what to expect from Soulelujah’s Funk Summit, Friday @ City Hall Plaza appeared first on Vanyaland.

A compilation by Avaryl Halley.

h/t: BroBible

The Rock gave his Instagram followers an early Throwback Thursday gift this morning when he posted this picture of him drenched in the cum of the 90s. Everything is stunning about this picture from that “rejected House Party extra” hair to that single gold earring he definitely bought at Spencer’s Gifts to the turtleneck & chain combo to that clearance bin Miller’s Outpost belt to those piping hot mom jeans to that tiny fanny pack covering his dick. That photo screams “Chess King model search” glamour. If you took every single cast member of A Different World, shoved them into a blender and added heaping amounts of L.A. Looks gel, out would come The Rock looking like that. The Rock knows how special his 90s flavor is, because notice how he’s leaning on a paper napkin so his sexiness doesn’t get dirtied up.

I love the way he’s delicately touching that fanny pack. I bet if you unzipped that fanny pack, his dick would pop out. That picture should be the cover for The Lonely Island’s next single Dick In A Fanny Pack.

The Rock added this little note (and priceless hash tag) with that gorgeous picture:

Fanny pack and lean take it to a whole other level… #90sRock #WTF #BuffLesbian

I smell what The Rock is cooking and it smells like White Rain and Cool Water with a base note of Right Guard clear gel. I hope he’s wearing a Hypercolor thong underneath all that 90s hotness.

Tinder summed up in one screenshot. 

Previously: How to talk to babies about gender theory.

BABY: want book
ME: that is the rankest consumerism
BABY: book
ME: oh you want to be a subject?
you want to just be a subject that consumes blindly?
BABY: book
ME: sure
fine
you realize you’re resisting literally nothing right now
BABY: want green book

BABY: [sleeps]
ME: HAVE YOU QUESTIONED ANYTHING ABOUT THE DRIVE TO ACCUMULATE CAPITAL TODAY
BABY: [sleeps]
ME: no of course not
you just CONSUMED and PASSED OUT
like a plutocrat
BABY: [sleeps]

BABY: bbbbb
ME: i really need you to check your cognitive biases right now
BABY: bbbbb
ME: ok youre not even reevaluating your original premise here
BABY: bbbbb
ME: youre just repeating your previous work
BABY: bbbbb
ME: this is self-plagiarism

ME: what do we think of German idealism
BABY: [grasps own foot]
ME: come on
you know this
what do we think of Young Hegelians
BABY: [releases foot]
ME: I KNOW YOU KNOW THIS
BABY: [spits up]
ME: thats right
very good

BABY: [builds tower with blocks]
ME: ok this is very good
under capitalism massive building projects are constructed through wage slavery
and through their sheer size and scale intimidate and pacify the masses
so this is a great comment
BABY: [knocks over tower]
ME: that’s right

[The baby is taking a bath]
ME: okay
which one of these floaty toys represents alienation?
BABY: [splashes]
ME: baby
which one of these floaty toys
represents
alienation
BABY: [grasps duck]
ME: well this is just
the rankest commodity fetishism
i’m taking the duck back
youre obviously not ready
BABY: [cries]
ME: are you ready to tell me which floaty toy represents the alienation of the worker?
because if you’re not ready for that
youre not ready for the duck
BABY: [cries]
ME: oh, honestly
just — here, take it
BABY: [chortles]
ME: now i represent the alienation of the exploited worker
well played baby

BABY: [nurses]
ME: okay this is a great illustration
of profit and exploitation
BABY: [gurgles]
ME: YOU ARE COMPLETELY DISREGARDING THE LABOR THEORY OF VALUE
YOU ARE A BARNACLE
BABY: [nurses]

BABY: [tears apart newspaper]
ME: that’s very good
the apparatus that props up capitalism will destroy itself some day

Read more How To Talk To Babies About Marxist Theory at The Toast.

Entitled "Quarterback," the song repeats the refrain: "Who you gonna blame, the star of the game or the no-name girl in the freshman class?" Read more

Couch to Just One K

Couch to Locating Old Sports Bra in Underwear Drawer

Couch to Downloading App and Choosing Trainer’s Voice—encouraging Constance or sexy Billie?

Couch to Season 2, Orange is the New Black

Couch to Post Office

Couch to Costco

Couch to Ex’s Last Known Address

Couch to Motorcoach to Myrtle Beach

Couch to Eczema

Couch to the 5 K’s Faithful Sikhs are Commanded to Wear By Guru Gobind Singh Ji

Couch to Tesseract

Couch to Grave

Couch to Other Couch