George Sr.: I haven’t had a vacation in years. This is my vacation. I’m exercising, I’m sleeping well. Michael: You’re doing time. George Sr.: I’m doing the time of my life!
Wired’s Brent Rose dipped a few objects, including a big dildo, in liquid nitrogen and destroyed them. He also explained the science behind why some of the items broke, and why others didn’t. It’s a worthwhile use of your time.
It was high noon outside of map Winterfell during the Battle of the Bastards. The game mode was capture and defend, with Ramsay Bolton holding the point and seemingly outgunning Jon Snow and his team. But, we all know that Jon Snow has yet to be nerfed. Yes, we know winter is coming, and Blizzard hasn’t done much to make Jon Snow a fair character (it seems like you can only team kill him), but the odds were stacked against him. Bolton had his men on Overwatch.
Winterfell is a tough map to take when on offense, and while Mei wasn’t there to create The Wall, Ramsay Bolton’s veritable Reinhardt shield company was dominating Jon Snow’s ragtag group like a bunch of Torbjörns, Bastions and Zenyattas. You should never have them on offense. Never. Luckily the Knights of the Vale have good timing and knew to flank and tore through the Bolton forces like Hanzo unleashing a spirit dragon. That was key.
But even without the Vale, Jon Snow is so OP (despite lacking his special Ghost Dog) that he was able to hold the tide of battle on his own. It was nice finally seeing a play of the game that wasn’tJunkrat sending his tire into a bunch of Lyanna Mormont’s doomed soldiers. That’s really getting old.
But seriously, Jon Snow needs to be nerfed. He’s at the top of every tier list. C’mon, Blizz!
In 1997, when Guy Fieri and three of his friends released hit single “Walkin’ on the Sun,” they knew they’d finally made it. What they didn’t know, however, was that they’d be beating anonymous Twitter eggs over the head with this fact for the rest of their lives. This is Smash Mouth’s burden.
Daniel Day-Lewis and Leonardo DiCaprio get all the Oscar glory, but plenty of actors subscribe to the Method technique. Like Charlie Cox, for instance. He takes his role on Netflix’s Daredevil, as blind lawyer Matt Murdock by day and blind vigilante Daredevil by night, so seriously that he pretends he can’t see while auditioning for other roles. Even when that role is Han Solo in Phil Lord and Christopher Miller’s upcoming Han Solo “solo” movie.
Cox told theHollywood Reporter that he’s enjoyed being in an off-Broadway play, Incognito, because “it’s been really fun to look people in the eye.” After presumably winking at the interviewer, he continued, “I had gone to an audition — one of those things that are super secretive and they don’t tell you, but I’m pretty sure it was for the Han Solo reboot — and halfway through it, the casting director stopped me and said, ‘Why aren’t you looking at me?’ I realized I had gotten into a habit of not making eye contact, because the only thing I had done for two years is play someone who is blind.
“I never got invited back,” Cox added, “probably because they couldn’t figure out why I was acting like a complete idiot.” The part eventually went to Alden Ehrenreich, who nailed the audition, despite not being able to say the lines.
After meeting with President Obama to discuss such far-reaching issues as human rights and climate change, His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, stopped by Fox News for a debriefing. Fox News had other ideas.
Meet Josiah Martin, an otherwise unassuming American who goes by the handle facialfollicles on Instagram. Other than being a self-professed “dude trying to make it” in the real world, Martin seems to lead a fairly normal life on social media. Or at least that was the case until the internet stumbled upon his public Instagram feed and discovered a striking resemblance to Jon Snow (Kit Harington), the former Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch (and dead guy) of Game of Thrones fame. Needless to say, neither Martin nor the internet’s crazed horde of Thrones and cute guy fans will ever be the same.
It all began when ELLE featured a few embeds from Martin’s Instagram on Tuesday, calling his look “mesmerizing.” Most of the article was dedicated to ogling his “long, lustrous locks” and “big manly beard.” Martin had no idea what hit him:
facialfollicles on Instagram
When the Daily Mail posted its own article about the resemblance, the Jon Snow doppelgänger had 317 followers on Instagram and 26 on Twitter. As of this writing, however, the count stands at 443, a number that’s sure to increase significantly by the end of the day. Not to mention all the likes, comments and rather forward propositions the kitten-on-the-shoulder posing gentleman has been inundated with.
To his credit, Martin has a pretty good sense of humor about his newfound fame. He’s even hoping for the chance to meet Harington and pose for a picture while they “[hold] each other in a passionate embrace [while] Celine Dion plays in the background.”
FACIALFOLLICLES ON INSTAGRAM
C’mon, internet — let’s make the Martin/Harington/Dion photo-op happen. Besides, the viral sensation has been touting his resemblance to the late Ned Stark’s bastard son (?) for some time. He even dropped the hashtag #JonSnowLookalike as early as 31 weeks ago.
Indiana Jones V has a fedora-clad elephant in the room, in the form of Harrison Ford’s age. Ford is turning 74 next month, and to be fair, the guy is still pretty much an action hero in real life. Still, though, you’ve got to ask how much longer Doctor Jones can spend in the field, and whether or not it’ll catch up with him. According to Steven Spielberg, though, one possible ending is absolutely off the table.
“I think this one is straight down the pike for the fans.” He won’t reveal plot details, except this: “The one thing I will tell you is I’m not killing off Harrison [Ford] at the end of it.”
Notice, however, he’s not ruling out Indy falling into a fountain of youth and crawling out looking suspiciously like Chris Pratt. As we’ve pointed out before, now that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull has thrown ancient aliens and not-so-psychic Russians into the equation, the Indy franchise can get as weird as it likes…although we’re hoping that doesn’t include Mutt.
We’ve got a long wait ahead of us to find out. Indiana Jones V isn’t going to be out until July 2019. So until then, we can speculate about the greatest mystery in the franchise: Why wasn’t it just Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull?
I consider myself to be a pretty big wheel down at The Simpsons Reference factory. I’ve seen every episode, seasons 1 through 15, a dozen times, and every episode, seasons 16 through 28, at least once (I’d say “at least twice,” but you try sitting through “Moe Goes from Rags to Riches” again). I regularly attend Simpsons trivia, own all the now-frayed capsule books, and even occasionally wear Simpsons shoes. Yup, I’m a regular “but my mom says I’m cool” dork when it comes to The Simpsons, but until last week, I had never heard about a debate amongst fans that’s apparently been raging for 20 years.
In the all-time great episode “You Only Move Twice,” bridge-collapsing supervillain Hank Scorpio introduces himself to the Simpsons family in the middle of a fun run. “Hey, look at my feet,” he tells Homer. “You like those moccasins? Look in your closet; there’s a pair for you. Don’t like them? Then neither do I! Get the hell outta here! Ever see a guy say goodbye to a shoe?” Homer chuckles, then responds, “Yes, once.” Some viewers think the “once” is Homer recalling Hank having just thrown his shoe away, while others, like me (I’m a guy like me!), believe it’s referring to another instance. That’s the joke.
The joke is that scorpio, and the audience laughing at home, is expecting no one to have heard someone say good bye to their shoe before. But Homer laughs and says “yes, once” to say that he has seen someone say good bye to their shoes, before hank scorpio does so. Classic misdirection, hilarity ensues. (Via)
I’ve lost relationships over this argument. There is a whole subculture of people who believe Homer is referring to what he’s just seen. Some of these people may be people you know, people you care about, people you… love. Be careful. (Via)
i had a massive argument once with someone over this joke
when homer says “yes, once” i claim that he’s referring to the shoe that hank literally just threw. this person claimed homer was just recalling some other time he saw it happen.
i really think it’s much funnier if it’s the shoe that just got thrown, because of the way homer nostalgically says the line. (Via)
It turns out the line was ad-libbed by Dan Castellaneta. BuzzFeed reached out to the voice actor, who responded, “The line was improvised. Albert Brooks always improvised whenever he did the show. That line was a reflexive response to Albert’s improvised line about seeing a man say goodbye to a shoe. I probably thought it was a previous time, but it is funnier if it means he saw it at that moment.” Well, that solves it: Homer’s thinking about a previous time, unless he isn’t. Glad we could settle this ridiculous debate.
"I'm the damn fool that shot 'im with no shirt on"
Vladimir Putin’s friend Alexander “The Surgeon” Zaldostanov is the leader of the Night Wolves nationalist motorcycle club, a hardcore Motherland-loving campaigner for “resistance to the global Satanism” and “all this homosexual talk.” He can also put on quite a musical! Perhaps you’d like to feast your eyes on some highlights from the Night Wolves’ first and second annual theatrical extravaganzas, complete with acrobats, fireworks, unauthorized Nirvana covers, revisionist historical reenactments, and sick-assbike tricks:
If you were to look at Cuba Gooding Jr.’s body of work in the past few years, you’d likely either know him as the actor who played O.J. Simpson or the guy who loves to party at NHL events.
It’s been a few years since Cuba established the latter identity for himself at the NHL Awards in Las Vegas, where he was a hot mess and (presumably) very drunk or otherwise impaired while presenting during the ceremony.
Then, some months later, Gooding built on that reputation at a Chicago Blackhawks preseason game. After successfully placing a puck through a small opening in the team’s intermission “Shoot The Puck” contest, the actor celebrated his achievement by stripping off his clothes.
Was it a Slapshot tribute, or just a party animal being a party animal? Either way, the crowd loved it. I can’t blame them either, that’s about as much entertainment as you’ll ever get at a preseason hockey game.
If it hasn’t been made quite clear yet, Cuba loves him some hockey. That’s why he was at for Sunday’s Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final in San Jose to watch the Penguins take on the Sharks with the Cup on the line.
Before the game, he stopped by the set of NBC Sports Network and showed support for the Sharks by dropping an f-bomb on live TV, because of course.
We’re not sure how he got in there — especially after apparently switching allegiances — but it doesn’t seem that any of the Penguins players particularly minded him being there.
Does this make Cuba the NHL’s version of Drake? The question must be asked. Regardless of the answer, his presence tends to make things a lot more entertaining for those of us watching at home, so I’m all for him continuing to blaze this trail — especially if the league expands into Vegas in the near future.
Didn't Jeremy London go like, completely insane though?
Gramercy Pictures
Kevin Smith’s career has been on a downward slope since, if you’re feeling generous, 2001’s Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (if you’re not, 1999’s Dogma), but he’ll always have his diehard fans because of his large personality, larger hockey jerseys, and first four films. Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma — that’s a strong opening stretch, and it’s a little surprising Smith has only revisited one of them. That would be Clerks, which spawned one sequel (with another possibly coming) and an underrated animated television show.
“I called my agency and I said, ‘Hey man, can I just make a Mallrats sequel? Universal owns it, but do I really need to make this with Universal? Can’t I just write a script and buy the title from them?’
And the agent told me, ‘Yeah, absolutely, they’ll let it go.’
And I said, ‘Are you positive? Because I don’t want to start this if that’s not the case.’ He says, ‘Oh yeah, there are three ways you can make this movie: You finance it yourself; you finance it with the studio, co-financed; or they finance it, but, you know, it’ll probably be, since it’s an old movie and it’s a small title, it’ll probably be you financing it yourself.’ (Via)
Mallrats has a massive cult following and an impressive cast, including Jason Lee, Shannen Doherty, Michael Rooker, and pre-famous Ben Affleck, but it wasn’t a box office hit — it only made $2 million on a $6 million budget. No wonder Universal would be hesitant to finance a film that originally lost money. Anyway, let’s fast forward to the happy ending of Smith’s story.
“So, while I’m in that world and space [of making Buckaroo Banzai], a couple months ago, we started reconfiguring the idea of doing Mallrats not as a film but as a series, and Universal and I are just about to close our deal to do Mallrats the series. Then we take it out into the world and find a home for it. So, instead of doing a Mallrats movie, I’m going to do 10 episodes of a Mallrats series.” (Via)
The series will even be shot in the same mall as the original, in Exton, Pennsylvania. The Orange Julius where the cast used to hang out still smells like commerce and sweaty jorts.
J.K. Simmons is 61 years old. He’s four years away from the traditional retirement age. No one would blame him for taking it easy. That’s not the J.K. way, though, and he’s never been more in demand. Since winning the Best Actor Oscar for his terrifying work in Whiplash, Simmons has been in dozens of movies and shows, including Men, Women, & Children, Zootopia, BoJack Horseman, and hosting SNL. He left the cast of one big-budget film, Kong: Skull Island, but only because he had two others waiting for him in Peter Berg’s Patriots Day, about the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing, and Zack Snyder’s Justice League, where he’ll play Commissioner Jim Gordon. Any Marvel nerds upset that J. Jonah Jameson switched teams for a DC movie?
You’ll have to deal with this.
More like Gym Gordon. He’s been training with Aaron Williamson, a self-described “U.S. Marine, actor, fitness pro” who’s previously worked with Zac Efron, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Emilia Clarke (for Terminator Genisys, which Simmons also starred in), and, um, Hayden Christensen. Simmons previously said he plans on getting into character as Jim Gordon by “learning as much as I can about him through the comics and getting my feet wet in the first movie, and then hopefully continuing on from there.” Also, by getting jacked. It is a CrossFit commercial, er, Zack Snyder movie, after all.
A young boy named Josh Breaux made a quick getaway on his bicycle after surreptitiously entering his neighbors garage in order to give their welcoming black labrador retriever Duchess a hug. After watching this heartwarming video, the dog’s human Hollie Breaux Mallet put a plea out to her Pierre Part, Louisiana neighbors in an attempt to find the boy and let him know that he was welcome to stop by anytime.
Attn Neighbors! Anyone know who this sweet little boy is? Every now and then when he rides his bike he will quickly come and love on my dog or play fetch real quick, but always leaves quick like he doesn’t know if he should be here! I’d like to tell him he’s welcome to stay and play, she loves the attention!
When you do as much humpin’ around as one Bobby Brown, you’re bound to end up with some wild stories. Brown just unleashed a doozy during his appearance on 20/20, claiming that he had sex with a ghost in front of Robin Roberts, God and everyone.
In the preview clip of Brown’s interview — which is set to air on June 7 at 10 p.m. EST — Roberts can barely believe how ready the New Jack Swing pioneer is to admit to intra-planal sex, initially reacting with a “Come on, man” before asking for more details. Brown stays completely serious and obliges.
“I moved into this house. I bought this mansion in Georgia. So, this was a really, really spooky place. But yes, one time I woke up and…yeah, a ghost. I was being mounted by a ghost.”
“I wasn’t high,” he added, preemptively cutting off Roberts’ next question. And props to her for keeping a straight face throughout what has to be one of the oddest exchanges of her career.
“You’ve had quite a life” is the only reaction she can muster, missing the opportunity to ask if it was a g-g-g-ghost or just a regular one. How spooky. How spooky indeed.
Lineup introductions at baseball games aren’t typically an attraction. Usually, their greatest purpose is to provide warning that you’ve only got a few minutes to get out of the concessions line and into your seat.
However, that’s not the case at PNC Park in Pittsburgh this year, where the Pirates lineup is introduced using an amazingly awesome video in the style of HBO’s Game of Thrones intro sequence. The team worked with an animation studio to recreate the very complex and detailed GoT opener with some cool references to the Pirates and the city of Pittsburgh. You can check it out in full above.
It’s one of the best and most creative lineup videos fans will ever see in their entire life, and knowing how jacked up the intro gets me for Game of Thrones every Sunday, I’m sure the players love kicking off their games with it, too.
Here’s the question begging to be asked, though: Wouldn’t this be a much more natural fit for the Royals, considering their name? Also, the company that helped the Pirates put it together is based in Kansas City, so the Royals are probably kicking themselves for not thinking of this idea first.
E3 2016 is only a week away and the video game industry is leaking all over the carpet like an overexcited puppy, with numerous unannounced games being unofficially revealed. Of course, this is all just rumor for now, but these leaks all come from reliable sources and are backed up by hard evidence, in most cases. So, for those having a hard time keeping track, here’s a rundown of all the recently-leaked games.
Bethesda
The leakiest boat of all seems to be Bethesda, as Eurogamer has dug up a whole list of potential E3 announcements from them. According to verified NeoGAF insiders Shinobi602 and Enter the Dragon Punch, a remastered version of Skyrim featuring all the game’s DLC, mod support and upgraded graphics is coming to the Xbox One and PS4. Wolfenstein: The New Order 2 and The Evil Within 2 are also expected to be announced. The latter is particularly surprising, because the original Evil Within wasn’t particularly well-received, but sales must have been solid enough to push forward.
Capcom/Microsoft/ThisGenGaming
Moving onto Microsoft, ThisGenGaming revealed via some art and a couple screenshots that Dead Rising 4 is on the way. Apparently the game will be a remake of the first Dead Rising featuring original protagonist Frank West. The game is said to take place during Christmas and feature four-player co-op.
Next up, we have Warner Bros. who accidentally leaked the existence of new DC Comics fighting game Injustice 2 via posters that were sent out to some GameStop locations early.
Phew! That’s a lot of leakage! Which of the leaked games are you most interested in? I’m definitely down for more Wolfenstein, and thought The Evil Within had enough potential that I’d be willing to give a sequel a try. Injustice was also a bit of a guilty pleasure.
We’ll keep you up to date on any other slip ups and leaks that might happen between now and E3!
this is for that damn video where you danced with a cartoon cat
Chi Tahani is an adorable 12-year-old dance prodigy who appeared on Monday night’s episode of So You Think You Can Dance: The Next Generation, where she frigging nailed a routine to Beyonce’s 2011 single “Countdown” in her audition. When she finished, Tahani immediately earned herself golden tickets from all three judges who waved them in the air, indicating that she could move onto the next round.
In her excitement, Tahani ran up to hug the judges, but unfortunately her nerves caught up and got the better of her, because when she got to Paula Abdul, she suddenly froze, eyes wide, and quickly clapped her hand over her mouth. But it was too late. “Are you okay, honey?” asked Abdul seconds before Tahani projectile vomited all over her.
Thankfully the poor kiddo didn’t seem to take it to heart, quickly regaining composure at her excitement over winning. She later relayed to SYTYCD: The Next Generation host Cat Deeley, “Well, I hugged Nigel, and then I hugged Paula, and she just squeezed me too tight, and all the happiness came out… on her jacket.” Try explaining that one to your dry cleaner. Do places still charge extra for getting “happiness” out?
A role in a Star Wars movie can be a mixed blessing. Some actors, like Harrison Ford, Ewan McGregor, and Natalie Portman, have used Star Wars as a springboard to mega-stardom. Others have struggled after being too strongly identified with the characters they’ve played. It looks as though Star Wars: The Force Awakens star John Boyega will likely be in the former camp. First he landed a major part in James Ponsoldt’s The Circle, a Dave Eggers adaptation that will find him appearing alongside Tom Hanks and Emma Watson. Now he’s grabbed a role in another blockbuster franchise.
According to Deadline, Boyega has claimed the lead in Pacific Rim 2, playing the son of Stacker Pentecost, the commander played by Idris Elba in the original movie. Series creator Guillermo del Toro seems appropriately jazzed to have Boyega on board…
“I am very proud and happy to welcome John into a fantastic sandbox. The Pacific Rim universe will be reinforced with him as a leading man as it continues to be a multicultural, multi-layered world. ‘The world saving the world’ was our goal and I couldn’t think of a better man for the job.”
Pacific Rim 2 has had its share of development ups and downs, and was seemingly canceled at one point, but it was eventually revived under new director Stephen S. DeKnight, with del Toro remaining on board as a producer. Aside from Boyega, it isn’t known who else might appear in Pacific Rim 2, or if any of the original cast will be returning.
Pacific Rim 2 goes into production late this year, and will probably be released sometime in 2017.
HBO has never been shy to capitalize when it comes to Game of Thrones merchandise. Their official online shop has several hundred products on it, from pint glasses to socks to t-shirts emblazoned with every house and catchphrase from the show. What it currently lacks, though, is an official Hodor doorstop.
We’ve seen a couple of theoretical designs and even some neat 3D printed versions, but Tony Wang has put together the definitive Hodor Hodoor Holdor. It goes past just being witty (“Hodor held the door and so will this!”) and actually captures the moment where Hodor sacrificed all to hold the door and save his friends from the undead behind it.
Wang’s vision for the perfect 6 inch Hodor door stop has already raised $50,000 on Kickstarter, and he’s currently in the process of applying for licensing right from HBO. As we mentioned before, the company has slapped the Game of Thrones license on a lot of things thus far, so why not this door stop?
I know I’d buy it … it would go along nicely with my dragon egg bookends and Unsullied helmet. Until I have this Hodor memorabilia in my possession, I’ll just have to rely on my trusty Arakh to keep me safe from whatever’s on the other side of that door.
New York City street artist Major Bigtime has created a traveling installation that replaces the featureless heads on the ubiquitous “Courtesy Counts” subway posters with that of the presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump’s distinctive open-mouthed visage. The effect is hilariously creepy, with a strong dollop of eerie mixed in. The artist has asked that the riders who spot these posters post a picture on social media with any or all of the hashtags listed.
Don’t be a target. Find our Trumps and tag us. #nyc #newyork #subway #Trump2016 …We’re all at risk. #presidenttrump #trump #nyc #mta #newyork #brooklyn #election #election2016 #ltrain #donaldtrump #thedonald #douche #street #art #funny
If you’re one of the increasingly small number of people that can go on vacation and legitimately not have anything work-related to worry about while you’re gone, feel free to skip this article. Also, I’m very jealous.
For the rest of us, however, the reality nowadays is that even though you’re on vacation, there is still stuff happening back at the office, and your work doesn’t necessarily stop while you’re gone. My wife used to get on me for checking email while on vacation, saying things like, “Relax, you’re supposed to be on vacation!” It’s a great thought, but for me and I’m sure many of you, the fact that I can stay on top of messages as they come in and the resulting knowledge that nothing terrible is happening in my absence is what allows me to relax while I’m on vacation. I wish it weren’t that way, but that’s reality in this day and age for many of us.
Most of the time, just monitoring what is going on is sufficient, but from time to time, you might actually have a need to accomplish something substantive, and it can’t wait until that evening when you get back to your room. I know it’s happened to me, and if it hasn’t happened to you yet, well, brace yourself, because you’ll likely have to deal with it at some point. If you’re lucky, you can just bang out a quick email while you’re in line and get it sorted, but sometimes you’ll need to actually separate yourself from the magic for a moment to address your non-magical responsibilities. Read on to see where the places places to go are when you need a little bit of thinkin’ time!
Criteria
The reality is that between background music, children, and scream-inducing attractions, finding a location where you can legitimately get true peace and quiet in the parks is well nigh impossible. For me, whether I need to hop on a conference call or craft a detailed email, the most important criteria I look for is finding a spot that has enough separation from the masses that I can hear myself think and where the music isn’t so loud or melodic that it’s distracting — calliope music isn’t very conducive to serious thought. Additionally, because Florida can be intolerably hot, having some shade is going to be an important component to this as well.
I will start by noting that Main Street U.S.A. is pretty much the worst place you could possibly be if you’re trying to be productive. Even though there are no serious attractions to speak of, it is a hotbed of activity where the music seems to be a bit above background level, and there is a reasonably good chance that a marching band could start playing at any given moment. Also, nothing says “I’m taking this conference call seriously” like the Dapper Dans in the background singing “Oh Susanna.” With that said, if you’re waiting with your family for a parade, for instance, and leaving the area truly isn’t an option, there is a small area that will give you a little bit of separation on the east side of Main Street. Right in the middle of Main Street, on the right hand side if you’re facing the castle, there is a side street, and it’s pretty rare that anyone goes down there — most people are either making a beeline up the street to go to their chosen attraction, or they are on their way out of the park and just trying to plod their way towards the exit. It will get you off of Main Street proper, and there’s a dead end at the end of the side street that will afford you as much privacy as is possible for that location.
Hopefully, however, you’re able to get out of Main Street to somewhere with a bit more privacy and quiet. Provided you’re not going during the two or three days out of the year when it is actually open, Tomorrowland Terrace between the Plaza restaurant and the entrance to Tomorrowland is about as good a location as you’re likely to find. For one thing, it is covered, so you have some protection from the sun while you’re taking care of business. Additionally, it is a large area where you’ll be able to get some space without someone right next to you. Indeed, the only other people in the area will be people who are using it as a shortcut around the hub (and my admittedly unscientific observations suggest that it’s being used less in that capacity in the wake of the hub redesign), or that are similarly looking for a break from the masses.
If there’s a parade or stage show going on, or it happens to be open, however, it’s probably going to be less than ideal. If you’re on the Tomorrowland side of the park, the almost hidden path between Tomorrowland and Storybook Circus is a solid option. Frankly, there are seasoned Disney veterans that have no idea it’s even there, and it will afford you as much privacy as you’re likely to get shy of taking a boat over to Tom Sawyer’s Island (which is probably too much hassle to be a viable option), plus there are some big trees back there that will offer some shade.
The other side of the park? Challenging, to say the least — the far western edges of the park have two open air (read: noisy) headliners that draw large crowds in Splash Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain, and there aren’t really a lot of open spaces between the hub and either of those attractions that provide any sort of privacy. Gun to my head, I’d probably try to find some shade near the Jungle Cruise exit or head into the lobby of Hall of Presidents, but truthfully, I don’t think either of those are great options.
Epcot
Even though there aren’t really many attractions in Epcot’s World Showcase, the area has a ton of hustle and bustle, making it a pretty awkward spot to find some quiet. There is one large area between China and Germany that doesn’t have a pavilion in it, but Disney decided to fill that area with drums and invited children to play them, rendering it probably the worst spot you could be when you need some semblance of quiet.
There are, however, a few areas that give you some separation. If you’re on the east side and the heat isn’t unbearable, my recommendation would be to head to that little area in front of the Italy pavilion that juts out into the water. There is nothing to do out there other than look around so it’s not likely to attract families with children, and the few people you’re likely to encounter there will either be wistfully looking out over the lagoon or taking photos. On the west, your best bet is probably just to walk towards the International Gateway (between the France and UK pavilions) and grab one of the shaded benches along the pathway — it’s relatively quiet, and everyone else in the area will likely be coming or going rather than just hanging around and making noise.
If you have time to do it, though, getting yourself to Future World may be your best option. It is comparatively spread out, and it’s generally pretty easy to find some space. Some noteworthy options would include the area near the old Wonders of Life Pavilion or near the Odyssey space in Future World East, or near the entrance to Coral Reef or the Imagination in Future World West, but the relative paucity of attractions in Future World means that you shouldn’t have much trouble finding a spot where there isn’t a ton going on.
Animal Kingdom
Most of your best locations to be productive at Animal Kingdom lie in the park’s central corridor. One of the best, actually, is in any of the little trails and alcoves that populate the Oasis between the park’s entrance and the Tree of Life — guests coming in are rushing into the park, while those on their way out are generally more interested in leaving than seeing the exhibits. The result is that very few people are hanging around. Combine that with plenty of shade, a few fans if you pick the right spot, and not a ton of extraneous noise, and you have a pretty good spot to step away.
The areas west of the Tree of Life, and the less used paths north of the main path between Africa and Asia, provide plenty of shade and solitude
Unless your work emergency pops up right upon your arrival, however, you’re probably too deep in the park for this to be a viable option. If you are near the center of the parks and Discovery Island Trails near the Tree of Life are open, they can provide a nice, shaded area where you can get something done without too much distraction. If you are already in Africa or Asia, there is a more secluded path to the north of the main path connecting the two Lands that doesn’t get much traffic that would be perfect for this. Finally, if God has smited you and you find yourself over in the vast, shade-free region of the park known as Dinoland, the Cretaceous Trail near the Dinosaur ride does provide a minor respite from the sun, and is at least relatively quiet as compared to the carnival games and playground elsewhere in Dinoland. It’s not ideal, but depending upon your circumstance, it may be preferable to walking all the way to another quieter part of the park.
Disney’s Hollywood Studios
By a wide margin, Disney’s Hollywood Studios presents the greatest challenge here, and I’m happy to report that I have yet to be personally called upon to do any real work in this park. The Studios was already a compressed space before its current construction rush, however, and the elimination of broad swaths of terrain for the Star Wars and Toy Story expansions means that there’s even less space where you might find some escape.
The Tower of Terror: not particularly conducive to productivity.
Starting with the process of elimination, however, we can all likely agree that anywhere within earshot of the Tower of Terror is out for that reason alone, but Sunset Boulevard is also one of the busier and livelier areas, so you’re going to want to get as far away from there as possible. Frankly, if that’s where I was when the need to be productive hit, I think the best option might be to step outside of the park entirely since I’m closer to the exit than any quieter place.
In the park, however, I’d probably try to find a spot over near Muppet*Vision 3D. It is far away from the headliners and the hustle and bustle of the Star Wars Launch Bay, and there are no attractions in the area that are going to generate a lot of noise. Finally, between the trees and tall buildings, you ought to be able to find some shade.
Your Ideas?
These are my thoughts, but some of you may have some better ideas. Where do you go when you need to take a temporary break from the magic to deal with the real world? Put your ideas in the comments below!
Also, a huge thanks to my buddy Eric Laycock for snagging a couple of these photos. Be sure to catch @TheAdmiralWDW on Periscope to live vicariously through him in the parks!
NASA astronauts deal with many dangers in space: deadly debris, harmful cosmic rays and corned beef sandwiches. Wait, what was that last one? Oh yeah, here’s how a lunch meat sandwich almost destroyed a space capsule that one time.
If you’re one of the increasingly small number of people that can go on vacation and legitimately not have anything work-related to worry about while you’re gone, feel free to skip this article. Also, I’m very jealous.
