“Shut up! I hacked your mainframe and downloaded your itinerary! Yes! All of your computerized scheduling secrets are now mine!” Wait, isn't this that "Mooch" guy from the Trump admin?
“Shut up! I hacked your mainframe and downloaded your itinerary! Yes! All of your computerized scheduling secrets are now mine!”
“You joined our newsletter!”
“You can’t prove that!”
Everyone, say hello to the world’s greatest villain in all of science and one of my favorite Robo characters outside of Robo himself: Doctor Dinosaur. The most vile and evil and nonsensical of all villains!!!
ok tom holland is cute and all but he constantly looks like he’s hiding a frog in his mouth and it’s uncomfortably hopping around in there but he can’t open his mouth or the frogs gonna escape
Two magicians made a blood oath when they were children that they would never harm each other. Now they are mortal enemies and have resorted to inconveniencing and annoying each other, knowing if they harm one another they’ll die.
omg I’m doing research for one of projects for college, and apparently, girls learn better when they’re in an all girls class, but boys learn even worse when they’re in an all boys class, because all the negative things become even stronger of there are no girls to act as “buffer”
get rid of the boys and let girl learn in peace, i couldn’t care less about them
It’s not our job to be a “buffer”
Separate boys from girls then, they don’t have to be acting like mothers at age 12, if boys ruin the education of others boys, um, idk, fix their behavior maybe?
I work at uni. My program is very competitive. Like you need a 92% or more to get in. We get 10x the applications than we can accept. So. This means our program is 95% female. Simply because girls do better in highschool than boys. Its literally that simple. However. This is a HUGE deal in the administration! Because OMG all those poor boys with less than a 92% can’t get into our program and woe is me, those poor poor boys. Every year we meet to talk about ways to “rectify” this “problem”. One year they’re going to stop inviting me to these meetings. Because I always ask questions like “how do we get boys into the program with lower GPAs without denying girls with higher GPAs? And how is giving boys preferential treatment not sexist?” Keep going good ladies, I’m saving your seat!
This type of thing always happens when women are dominating something, protocols are changed to accommodate and benefit men, and if this strategy isn’t successful the field is devalued.
Keep the good work!
The amount of times I heard my grandfather talk about the ‘feminization’ of schools because he wanted to blame the system for boys under performing (or, more accurately: girls out performing the boys) instead of, ya know, boys’ entitled attitudes and overall piss poor behavior when at school.
When women fail at something: there must be something wrong with women When women succeed at something: there must be something wrong with the system
‘Okay, so, today at work I asked a question that made my boss recoil, but apparently, once asked, he has to tell me the full story or ‘bad things will happen’. Which, as it would, immediately piqued my interest.
I did the mash up last night, so I know that I left potatoes in the bin. I was last one out, and first one in this morning, and the potatoes are gone from that bin. Bit of a ‘huh?’ moment.
And my boss … he starts telling me about how they always used to put out roses outside the restaurant when they opened.
“What? Isn’t that expensive?”
“I mean, yeah, but it’s just what you do when you open a restaurant”
What the fuck kind of answer …?
Anyways, the roses always used to disappear, so they had to replace them everyday, (This skinflint spending that much cash?!). One outside the front door, in that little metal thing that I had forgotten exists. It’s above to the right of the front door, a small circle made by 8 vertical bands of metal, each in an ) shape. So, like, the cross-section is a )(. Apparently that’s a flower holder.
And then outside of the back door, apparently the old wooden post there never held up anything, it was just a post with a vase on it. That he drove into the asphalt there.
In the alleyway.
“What? Why would you do something so pointless?”
“Anyways,”, he brushed me off, “like I was saying, we used to put out the roses every night [[emphasis mine]] and they would always be gone by morning. City kids, right?”
“Why did you keep doing this?!”
“We had really good luck opening, I didn’t want to screw it up”
At this point I feel I should stress that my boss is a straight-laced no nonsense, no superstition, don’t-do-needless-things, pennypincher without an ounce of spirituality in him. But throughout all of this he’s defending putting out roses at nighttime, like it’s the most obvious thing n the world.
Just when I think he’s playing the longest, weirdest joke on me, he brings out the iPad, and he starts showing me security footage. It’s indistinct, it’s too dark, he’s trying to point out that the rose never changes from the beginning of the night to the end, but when it gets bright again, the flower is just gone, while the stem remains.
It’s about this point that I realize: This is a faerie sacrifice. This is how you sacrifice things to goblins and faeries.
These are rose faeries. Now you might not know, even if you live here, but Newfoundland has a tradition of rose faeries. We basically took all the stuff british colonists knew about faeries and said, ‘yeah, well, it’s all about wild roses now’. Hike up to Signal Hill from behind the geo centre and you’ll pass a faerie ring of rose bushes that someone planted because of that. (It’s not obvious at first). Later in Newfoundland history, we star replacing all of the rose faerie tales with tales about Mother Mary, (As in, Christianity), whose flower is the rose. Ask around the old folk, they’ll tell you tales about people getting sick or getting well really suddenly, followed by a strong smell of rose. About people working on church roofs, falling down into rose bushes, and not getting hurt. About statues of Mother Mary crying rose oil, indicating that an infant will be left in front of the statue soon. Those are all stories that are actually about rose faeries, but they changed the topic. I guess they still pay respect to them, they just think they’re paying respect to god with rose petals and rosehip tea.
“But what’s this got to do with potatoes?”
Well, he said, he kept this up for about 5 or 6 months, and then the winter started. And back then, the florists in town didn’t stock as much in green houses, there wasn’t enough call for it. So he wasn’t able to get roses.
The restaurant had really bad luck for a while, but then one day, all of the potatoes in the restaurant went missing. Of all the things, not the tenderloin steak, not the fresh salmon, not the halibut, not the cherries, not the fresh baked bread, the potatoes.
And the luck came back.
And he hasn’t questioned it since.
“So, about how many potatoes go missing every week?”
“About 25lbs in little bits”
We turned rose faeries into gluttonous potato faeries.
How does that even happen?!
Was a faerie just screaming “Where are the GODDAMN ROSES?!” while breaking into the restaurant?!
And what the hell happened when it found the potatoes?!
Like, *monocle pop*, “What the fucking WOT?!:, while holding up a potato and looking at it in reverence?
What do they even DO with potatoes?
I mean, the obvious guess is ‘eat them’, but like, did they eat roses?
Are there faeries somewhere swimming in potato water, blessing our restaurant for the earthy smells we have bestowed upon them?!
Just … potato faeries. We have fucking potato faeries in the restaurant where I work.
Potato.
Faeries.
(wondering idly how many people have tagged @seananmcguire on this one.)
She got no standing ovation. She got no mainstream media lauds for her heroism. She got no kudos for leaving home, a much longer journey than that other senator, the one from Arizona, to get to DC, and there are no mainstream media stories on it that I can find… I only found out from a friend who spotted it on Twitter.
She didn’t do it for publicity.
Senator Mazie Hirono of Hawaii was just doing her job as a good politician, voting not to repeal the ACA so as to protect her constituents. She has Stage Four kidney cancer — that means scarce chances of survival — is recovering from a second surgery to remove part of a rib, and made sure she got to her seat in the Senate Chamber to vote “no” to whatever Republican wealth-care crap was thrown at her.
But you’ll only find out about it on social media. Because she’s not a pale male, maybe?
that's how you know we have a real live grownup in the white house
Petulant toddler Donald Trump is reportedly seeking vengeance against the entire state of Alaska because Sen. Lisa Murkowski voted against Tuesday’s motion to proceed debate on a bill that will likely strip millions of Americans of healthcare.
It’s a tough week to be a trans person in America. Just a friendly reminder that if you or a friend are having trouble, the Trans Lifeline can be reached at 877-565-8860 (or 877-330-6366 in Canada). They support people who are questioning whether they might be trans, too. And the Trevor Project, for all young LGBTQ…
Poor, poor Donald Trump. Russia elected him president (ALLEGEDLY) and they wined and dined him and bought him a pair of their finest Russian pee hookers (ALLEGEDLY) to make sure he would be sweet to them and pursue a “Russia First” foreign policy (what do you think #MAGA stands for in Russian, HUH?), and now the mean and unfair United States Congress has pushed him up against a wall and trapped him in a headlock and even Republican senators and congressmen are fixin’ to slam his dick in one of the gold-plated sliding doors of Mar-a-Lago. You see, Congress reached an agreement Wednesday night to levy a shitload of new sanctions on Russia (and Iran and North Korea). That is not what Trump’s real dad Vladimir Putin requested! That is not why that Russian lady lawyer lollygagged around Trump Junior’s office last year, promising dirty nasty Hillary Clinton dirt and MAYBE IF HE’S GOOD, he can touch her boob (ALLEGEDLY, okay, nobody actually alleged that), as long as his Daddy lifts all the sanctions when he becomes president!
As CNN explains, the agreement between the House and the Senate (which hit some snags but Senator Bob Corker #FixedIt) “rebukes Trump by giving Congress newfound veto power over any administration attempt to remove sanctions on Moscow.” In the House, it passed 419-3. In the Senate, it was 98-2. The agreement increases sanctions on Russia over its extracurricular activities in Ukraine and Syria, and OH YEAH, that little matter of how Russia stuck its foul, unwashed dick in the U.S. American election last year.
Obviously those are veto-proof majorities. So of course, precious and brand new White House Comms Director Anthony Scaramucci told CNN that maybe Trump will veto it:
Anthony Scaramucci, White House communications director, said on CNN that Trump “may sign the sanctions exactly the way they are, or he may veto the sanctions and negotiate an even tougher deal against the Russians,” citing Trump’s “counterintuitive, counterpunching personality” to explain why the president is considering a veto.
Hahahahahahaha OK, babydoll! It’s definitely because he’s a TOUGH COUNTERPUNCHER and not because he wants to be able to call Daddy Putin and say he TRIED to stop the sanctions, and please please please please pretty please do not upload “Donald Trump (ALLEGEDLY!) Frolicks In The Yellow Russian Snow” on to XTube, PLEEEEASE?
The European Union is kinda pissed at Congress for passing this bill, not because they are gay for Putin like Trump is, but because Russia is literally in their backyard and supplies a lot of their energy needs and they’re worried the sanctions could end up hurting their own wallets. We think the EU needs to STFU, but at the same time we understand they might have to deal with Russia a hair differently from how we do over here in the good old US and A.
Meanwhile, Russia is OBVIOUSLY pissed off and making its own threats to retaliate. What are they going to do, stop importing their luxurious Russian cars and home electronics to America? HAHA JUST KIDDING Russia is a worthless shell of a country that doesn’t make anything the United States wants. One Russian senator, Alexei Pushkov, tweeted some malarkey about how Trump is a “prisoner of Congress and anti-Russian hysteria” (that’s right, fuckhead!), and added that Russian McDonald’s locations are not a “sacred cow,” which is weird, because we were pretty sure Russians worshiped our American McRib sandwiches each and every day.
So anyway.
Hey Trump. Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do, Trump? Hey Trump! Trump! Gonna veto it? Gonna pull out the pen you stoled from the G20 because Vladimir Putin breathed on it and misspell “VETO” on the bill? Gonna spell it with two E’s? Gonna squirm around in your President Chair a little bit because you don’t know where the cameras are, but you know Putin’s watching you right now to see what you’re gonna do? Whatcha gonna do? You gonna pussy out? Gonna pussy out? Gonna pussy out? Gonna pussy out? Gonna sign the bill? Gonna veto it? Whatcha gonna do, big president man? Who’s your daddy, Donald? WHO’S YOUR DADDY? WHERE’S YOUR GOD NOW?
WHERE’S
YOUR
GOD
NOW?
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Three years after 6,470 Yazidi women were abducted by ISIS on Sinjar mountain in 2014, a reported 3,410 are still missing. The New York Times has been documenting the stories of escapees, who have been held in what reporter Rukmini Callimachi described as “a detailed bureaucracy of sex slavery, including sales…
the moment in which Thor first sees the Hulk in a gladiatorial arena and describes his as a “friend from work” came from an unexpected source.
“We had a young kid, a Make-A-Wish kid on set that day,” Thor star Chris Hemsworth tells Entertainment Weekly. “He goes, ‘You know, you should say, ‘He’s a friend from work!’” (x)
Let us be thankful for the bountiful nonsense we are about the receive… reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it … Continued
So, is he DELIBERATELY pissing everyone off, or is he just so good at it he never knows when he's doing it?
Donald Trump may be a big fan of meddling, but the nation's military leaders aren’t. Personnel policy is deadly serious to them and they're making clear that even a commander in chief can't make policy decisions on the fly without any consultation with the Joint Chiefs of Staff—the people charged with implementing those policy changes. Trump, meet the military—the don't-fuck-with-us, we-don't-care-which-party-you're-from entity that you just picked a fight with.
The military’s policy permitting transgender individuals to serve remains in place, the country’s highest military officer said on Thursday, clarifying some of the confusion surrounding President Trump’s announcement on Twitter that transgender people will no longer be accepted or allowed in the military
In a letter to the military service chiefs, Gen. Joseph Dunford, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said that the policy on who is allowed to serve will not change until the White House sends the Defense Department a rules change and the secretary of defense issues new guidelines.
“In the meantime, we will continue to treat all of our personnel with respect,” General Dunford said in the letter, first reported by Reuters. “As importantly, given the current fight and the challenges we face, we will all remain focused on accomplishing our assigned missions.”
If there's one thing the military—more than any other branch of our government—despises, it's chaos. Rapid-fire policy changes fan the flames of chaos and that can literally cost lives in combat zones.
Trump has been pushing Congressional Republicans to run around like a horde of chickens with their heads cut off. That's all well and good, but the military isn't having it. It’s a different beast entirely. Make no mistake: Military leadership just looked Trump in the eye and flipped him the bird until he can get his act together to act like a responsible human being. It could be a very long wait.
The boyfriend's cat was hunting a bug today. Well, not hunting. Probably more like supervising the bug. The boyfriend ended up disposing of the bug. He tried to use the "you had ONE job" line on his cat. I pointed out that her one job is being cute, and she is FANTASTIC at that. Spotting bugs in the house for us to dispose of is more of a bonus job.
Queensland, Australia resident Lauren Ansell was cooking dinner with her boyfriend the other night when an unexpected visitor turned their quiet evening into a night of terror. It was a huntsman spider, a horrifying dinner plate-sized beast, and he wasn’t in the mood for any funny business.
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Though not extremely dangerous to humans, huntsman spiders will bite if aggravated – and you better believe the bad boy holding this couple hostage was unhappy when they tried to move him. Even their poor cat was too afraid of the demonic creature to make a move. Would they be doomed to forever cower inside their home at the behest of a menacing arachnid?
After the bitter stand-off culminated in Ansell’s partner attempting to crush the eight-legged aggressor using the glass door, the enemy retreated with minor wounds. “We nicknamed the spider ‘Aragog’ from Harry Potter, and feel the spider has run into the forbidden forest,” Ansell told local media in conclusion. Though it’s unclear whether Aragog is gone for good, or simply lying in wait until his next attack, at least everyone involved in this harrowing drama came out alive.
An Australian couple was recently making dinner when an uninvited guest turned up at their door
It was a giant huntsman spider, and he wasn’t in the mood for any funny business
Lauren Ansell and her boyfriend, the homeowners, were locked in a vicious stand-off
“We nicknamed the spider ‘Aragog’ from Harry Potter… “
The name is surely well fitting, just look at his huge long legs!
See footage of the terrifying encounter for yourself below, though be prepared to squirm
People were shocked to say the least
What would you do if you encountered such a spider yourself? Tell us in the comments below!
This morning, our president decreed that the military “will not accept or allow” transgender people to serve (fact check: they already do), citing “tremendous medical costs and disruption.” So, hang on a sec, what’s the dollar amount there?
remember when Leia dressed in a dead man’s clothes, dragged one of her best friends into Jabba’s palace in chains, activated a detonator she was holding and kept holding it while staring down Jabba’s thugs and all the guns pointed at her, sold her friend to Jabba, rescued her boyfriend–who she knew was blind–and dramatically whipped off her disguise to give a clever one-liner and make out with him.
like it was a terrible plan in the first place, but you can never be more Iconic than that
The Trump
fans that still think he’s some sort of brilliant tactician rather than
a garbage-spewing con man doing the presidential equivalent of “old man
yells at could” are those who DESPERATELY cling to the capitalist lie
that millionaires are all hard-working smart clever people who got there
because Hard Work and Smarts is all you need… so clearly, if THEY are
ALSO hard-working and, erm, smart… then they too can be millionaires.
Nah.
Trump is scum, he’s not a genius, he’s just a con man who’s been
managing enough of those cons over the years to barely stay on top and
now his latest con targets put him in power and we’re watching him fucking unravel in a
position that requires actual hard work and smarts.
ok this keeps coming on my dash and every time the notes are filled with people being like WHAT IS THIS so i am HERE TO ENLIGHTEN YOU, FRIENDS
this is from the musical Firebringer which is free to watch on Youtube. it’s by Team StarKid of A Very Potter Musical fame (think you recognize the girl singing? that’s Lauren Lopez, also known as the funniest Draco Malfoy the world has ever seen)
anyway, Firebringer is a female-driven, hilarious musical about bisexual cavewomen and you are going to want to watch it. trust me.
