Shared posts

18 Sep 13:47

Here’s Tom Brady’s Resume From 2000

by Christmas Ape
Krankota

Mostly shared for top comments:
"That only goes up to 1999 please explain the huge gap in your job history" and "I'm looking for someone to remodel my kitchen. i see you've got the experience. Please contact me for an estimate."

bradyresume

Facebook


Everyone knows Tom Brady was the 199th pick of the 2000 NFL Draft. They know this because any broadcast covering the draft makes sure to make a big deal of reminding viewers when that point in the draft is coming up. It’s a big part of the heroic story of Tom Brady and how he overcame not being drafted high to win three Super Bowls in his first five seasons and then never again.

Of course, we know now that Tom Brady went on to have a perfect life in which he’s married to a supermodel and has the type of money where they can have a palatial home built with a moat for more than $10 million then just get bored with it and move elsewhere within the span of less than two years.

But back then, Brady’s career was in serious doubt. Not ALL sixth-round picks go on to have a perfect life. Most have unspectacular careers if they even make a final roster at all. And so Tom Brady needed to have his resume ready in case football didn’t work out. Judging from the copy of his resume that he posted on Facebook today, it looks like he has a lot of experience as a sales representative at a golf course. That would have served him well, I think.

Just think of what Brady could put on there now. Official UGGs spokesman goes a long way with job recruiters.

19 Sep 03:41

In Lieu of a Recap, Here’s The Bucs Center Snapping the Ball into His Butt

by Christmas Ape
Krankota

Yep.

eds

CBS


I feel this about covers everything we needed to know about Thursday night. Just a reminder that the Buccaneers spent gave center Evan Dietrich-Smith a four-year, $14.25 million contract in the off-season.

Also, nice work as always, Herm Edwards.


I hope Herm Edwards is on SportsCenter tonight. pic.twitter.com/JyltwzSFwD

— Matt Clapp (@sharapovasthigh) September 19, 2014

18 Sep 04:00

September 18, 2014

Krankota

Har!


Thanks to NerdNite SF for a lovely evening!
18 Sep 14:28

Lost Was The Best Before It Was The Worst

by Chris DeVille

Lost Was The Best Before It Was The Worst

The end of Lost sucked. Holy fuck, did it suck. It was really, truly, completely the worst — a mushy, indefensible cop-out that failed to resolve many of the show's central mysteries and seemed to argue against reason in favor of a vaguely defined faith in … what, exactly? Did the writers themselves even know? The show's final episode—and really, its entire final season—was so bad that it has completely rewritten the popular mythology surrounding what was once TV's most popular mythology.

Read more...

18 Sep 18:20

Boner Dog Is Feeling Super Conflicted About His Giant Dog Boner

by Albert Burneko on Rabbithole, shared by Albert Burneko to The Concourse
Krankota

This story really has everything.

Boner Dog Is Feeling Super Conflicted About His Giant Dog Boner

Sure, in one sense, this boner dog is from back in 2013. But, in another, larger, truer sense, this boner dog is a timeless boner dog. Look at those sad eyes. It's a heavy burden, this enormous dog boner. Who will help me bear this dog boner? Can't even get any work done in my office chair.

Read more...

18 Sep 22:09

Photo









18 Sep 20:40

Steve Smith Has Some Interesting Thoughts About Sex In An Elevator

by isaacand
Krankota

Steve Smith, everyone.

Steve Smith Twitter

Getty Image


In general, athletes are pretty awful on Twitter. Not a day goes by without one of them tweeting a pic of their junk or getting in trouble for saying something they shouldn’t have. But Steve Smith’s not like everyone else. Steve Smith says what he wants and doesn’t care about the repercussions. It also helps that he’s amusing as hell.

Here’s his response to the domestic abuse stuff that’s rocked the NFL.

You know its not that hard get!!!! Keep your damn hands off women!!!! God made women for you to Lean on them Not beat on them #RealTalk

— Steve Smith Sr (@89SteveSmith) September 18, 2014

Steve Smith

Twitter/Steve Smith


You can stop tweeting for the rest of the week everyone. Steve Smith won.


Filed under: Media, Sports Tagged: ATHLETES SHOULD NOT HAVE TWITTER, baltimore ravens, STEVE SMITH, TWITTER BEEF
19 Sep 16:10

Hands

by Reza
Krankota

hahaha!

hands

19 Sep 03:16

These Are Professional Football Players

by Timothy Burke on screengrabber, shared by Timothy Burke to Deadspin
17 Sep 18:53

I Turned Out OK In Spite Of Corporal Punishment, Not Because Of It

by Deadspin Staff

I Turned Out OK In Spite Of Corporal Punishment, Not Because Of It

Drew Magary's post yesterday on corporal punishment and parenting inspired a great deal of feedback, including a long, thoughtful email from a reader named Jason Mello, which, with his permission, we've reprinted below.

Read more...








29 Aug 12:00

5 Deranged Authors Who Wrote the Same Book Over and Over

Krankota

o_0

By Seanbaby  Published: August 29th, 2014  Creeping along the walls of my home is an ever-expanding library of books by and for the deranged. I don't want to terrify you, but I know every secret of the ninja, and my section on metaphysical breast augmentation is far more than any one sexy man
17 Sep 18:40

Ball Don’t Lie! Here Are 8 ‘Sheedtastic’ Rasheed Wallace Moments For His 40th Birthday

by isaacand
Krankota

A National Treasure. Ball Don't Lie.

New York Knicks v Detroit Pistons

Getty Image



On this day 40 years ago, the greatest entertainer the basketball world has ever known was born. I’m of course speaking of Rasheed Wallace, whose “ball don’t lie” mantra brought more joy to me than any woman in college ever could.

Here are some of Sheed’s best moments, both as a player and coach.

8. That time he flipped out after Andre Drummond posterized someone

 

7. Coach Sheed!

Image 1 Image 2

 

6.When he got ejected for screaming “Ball Don’t Lie”

 

5. The insane half-court buzzer beater

 

4. FAT SHEED! </strong



 

3. FAT SHEED PART DEUX

 

2. That time he got ejected for staring at Ron Garretson

 

1. His performance in this Jingle Bells video


Filed under: Media, Sports Tagged: 40-years-old, Coach Sheed, DETROIT PISTONS, RASHEED WALLACE
17 Sep 19:00

“Bring Me My Pain Twin”: A Movie Star Names Things

by Mallory Ortberg
Krankota

OMG

Previously: A grounded goth teen angrily renames household items.

MOVIE STAR: BRING ME MY PAIN TWIN

DIRECTOR: do you mean your stunt double

MOVIE STAR: BRING ME MY AGONY SHADOW WHO SUFFERS FOR ME

***

MOVIE STAR: BRING FORTH THE FALSE CROWDS

DIRECTOR: the who

MOVIE STAR: RELEASE THE SILENT HUMAN SWARM

DIRECTOR: do you mean the extras

MOVIE STAR: BRING ME MY MUTE COMPANIONS

Read more “Bring Me My Pain Twin”: A Movie Star Names Things at The Toast.

17 Sep 16:20

So-Deep Space

by Reza

so-deep-space

17 Sep 03:46

Philly Hate Crime Suspects Tracked Down by Anonymous Twitter Hero

by Enid Shaw on Gawker, shared by Samer Kalaf to Deadspin

The suspects in a violent gang assault on two gay men in Philadelphia have apparently been located by an anonymous Twitter sleuth from Jersey. The victims, who haven't been publicly identified, were walking in Center City around 10:45 p.m. on September 11 when they came face-to-face with a large, clean-cut-looking group of white men and women in their early 20s. Someone in the group asked if the men were "boyfriends," according to police, and made "disparaging remarks" about gay people before attacking the victims, kicking them in the head, chest and face. One of the men had to undergo surgery and have his jaw wired shut; the other suffered bone fractures and cuts to his face. As the group was fleeing the scene, one of them also stole a bag one of the victims had dropped on the ground.

Read more...








16 Sep 20:40

Arian Foster Responds To Anheuser-Busch Saying That They’re Reviewing Their NFL Sponsorship

by isaacand
Krankota

Arian Foster is so damn cool.

Budweiser

Wikimedia Commons


NFL sponsors are rushing to save face and at the same time make their companies look above-board after this recent rash of off-the-field issues. Radisson Hotel was the first to make a public statement, ending their very limited sponsorship with the Minnesota Vikings. Then today, one of the league’s biggest sponsors said they were “increasingly concerned by the recent incidents.” That company was Anheuser-Busch, who by the way, has no intention of leaving the NFL.

Here is their statement in full.

“We are disappointed and increasingly concerned by the recent incidents that have overshadowed this NFL season. We are not yet satisfied with the league’s handling of behaviors that so clearly go against our own company culture and moral code. We have shared our concerns and expectations with the league.”

Most people with a functional brain saw right through their shenanigans. Here’s Texans RB Arian Foster beautifully weighing-in on Twitter.

Lol ok, alcohol company. RT @darrenrovell: NFL beer sponsor, Anheuser-Busch, issues strong statement pic.twitter.com/TCEbA4s5Q1

— Arian Foster (@ArianFoster) September 16, 2014

Selling poison on that high horse.

— Arian Foster (@ArianFoster) September 16, 2014

This isn’t even worth talking about. On the scale of faux outrage, this is right up there with Nike pulling Adrian Peterson jerseys from shelves.

Go away Budweiser.


Filed under: Media, Sports Tagged: ADRIAN PETERSON, anheuser-busch, BEER, SOCIAL NETWORKING FAUX PAS
16 Sep 21:01

Water, Ranked

by Albert Burneko on Foodspin, shared by Albert Burneko to Deadspin
Krankota

I co-sign this list.

Water, Ranked

1. Sparkling

Read more...








15 Sep 20:10

Here’s A Mathematical Exclusive Look At ‘Adventure Time: The Original Cartoon Title Cards’

by danuproxx
Krankota

WANT.

AdventureTime_v1_TPB_2

Boom! Studios


Adventure Time is something of a dark horse candidate for “one of the best shows on TV.” On paper, it’s a wacky cartoon about a boy and his rubbery dog, but it’s not afraid to bring the heartbreak, repeatedly. Part of that is thanks to Pendleton Ward’s off-kilter sensibility, which is on full display in Adventure Time: The Original Cartoon Title Cards.

It’s from Titan, with the usual gorgeous sensibility, but what’s most fascinating about the book is how packed it is with detail about the thought process of the show. Ward and Nick Jennings, the show’s art director, talk about how they approach the show and its handpainted title cards as each one goes from rough sketch to completed painting. It’s a little surprising what inspires these, which ranges from theatrical staging to comics to B-movies. And, of course, there’s the visual evolution. Like, for example, this title card for the episode Death In Bloom:

DeathinBloom2

Cartoon Network


DeathinBloom3

Cartoon Network


DeathinBloom1

If you’re looking for more, the book is out next week, courtesy of Titan.


Filed under: GammaSquad Tagged: ADVENTURE TIME, exclusives, finn and jake, mathematical, previews, titan books
15 Sep 20:30

The 10 Most Ridiculous Personal Factoids From The Miss America Contest, Ranked

by dguproxx
frogs

abc


This year’s Miss America pageant was won by 23-year-old Miss New York Kira Kazantsev and no one anywhere cared, apparently, because the people who run the pageant decided to put funzy little factoids on the screen during each contestants’ talent portion and, mother of God, they were amazing. I could have read them for hours. The good folks at Vulture compiled them all, but below, please find the 10 most ridiculous of the night, as voted on by a team of highly-respected, impartial judges (just me).

10. “Always picked last at kickball”

kickball

This one is 1000% funnier if you pretend “Always Picked Last at Kickball” is not only an interesting fact about her, but also the title of the song she is playing, which she wrote herself and sounds a lot like “Brick” by Ben Folds Five.

9. “Loves giraffes”

giraffes

Same.

8. Wants to take Al Roker’s job

roker

Two things:

  • I hope that’s the puppet talking.
  • How in the world has no struggling news station in a small market hired a ventriloquist beauty queen to do the weather? It’s been right there in front of your faces the entire time!

But yeah. Sleep with one eye open, Roker.

7. “Family wrote their own theme song”

theme

Unless your family is currently running through the Alps with Julie Andrews to evade the Nazis or touring the country in a van under the supervision of Reuben Kincaid, this is a terrifying thing to admit to people. Can you imagine going to their house for dinner and seeing, like, nine of them crowded around the piano, dressed alike, singing their family theme song? I’d leave out the window. Door might be booby-trapped.

6. “Nickname growing up was ‘Bob'”

bob

I have about 100 questions for the children she went to school with.

5. “Loves Waffle House”

waffle

We’re gonna circle back to this lady in a bit. Hang tight.

4. “Loves anything Jane Austin” (sic)/”Enjoys street hot dogs”

austenhotdgs

Here’s your winner, Kira Kazantsev playing “Happy” on a red cup like Anna Kendrick. I’m cheating a bit to combine these two into one entry, but I love the idea of her walking up to people and saying “Two things you need to know about me: One, I love Jane Austen. Two, I love street hot dogs. Hi, I’m Kira” too much to abide by my own rules.

3. “Terrified of frogs”

frogs

abc


“Okay, tell us something interesting about yourself.”

“I’m terrified of frogs.”

“Well, okay… But how about something light and fu-…”

“TERRIFIED. OF. FROGS.”

“O… okay.”

2. “Attacked by a cheetah in Zambia”

cheetah

First of all, incredible. That fact popping up on screen while she’s playing the piano in a ball gown is just perfect. Second of all, again, and I’m very serious about this, this is much, much funnier if you pretend it’s the title of the song she’s playing. I hope she makes an album.

1. “Slapped a shark as a kid.”

shark

Loves Waffle House AND slapped a shark? How did she not win? HOW DID WE NOT MAKE HER PRESIDENT IMMEDIATELY? CHECK THE VOTES. CHECK THE VOTES.


Filed under: TV Tagged: BEAUTY PAGEANTS, MISS AMERICA, terrified of frogs
16 Sep 17:50

The Worst First Date Ever Included Getting A Tattoo While Having Sex And Ended In Death

by Josh Kurp
Krankota

O_o

first dates

Columbia Pictures


The worst first date I ever went on was in high school. We saw Shrek 2 together. The end. OK, no one’s going to adapt that terrible story into an even worse romantic comedy, but it’s cool: I married a girl I met in college, so I didn’t go on too many dates, most of which I assume end like this:

Pierce County sheriff’s detectives on Monday were trying to sort out the details of a first date that ended early Sunday with a Gig Harbor man dead and his date hospitalized in critical condition.

Investigators believe the 47-year-old Port Orchard woman ran over her date, then crashed his truck 15 feet down a Lakebay embankment. (Via)

I assume no alcohol was involved?

Shaw and his date, who hadn’t known each other more than a few hours, allegedly drank quite a bit Saturday night before visiting the home of one of Shaw’s friends.

Oh.

While at the house in the 600 block of Cornwall Road, Key Peninsula North, the couple continued drinking. The woman asked the friend, who was a tattoo artist, to tattoo her chest.

She and the tattoo artist became intimate while she was getting the tattoo, prompting an argument between her and Shaw. The woman allegedly punched Shaw; he reportedly slapped her.

The woman, wearing only a T-shirt, then fled from the house and started up Shaw’s truck, Troyer said. Shaw ran outside to see what his date was doing. Moments later, Shaw’s friend came outside and found him dead in the driveway, Troyer said. (Via)

I need to know what tattoo she requested. Probably “Shrek 2 4 Life.”

Via the News Tribune


Filed under: Upcoming, Web Culture Tagged: DRUNK SEX, FIRST DATES, TATTOOS, WORST FIRST DATE EVER
16 Sep 15:04

Why Do People Hit Their Kids?

by Drew Magary
Krankota

This is very good.

Why Do People Hit Their Kids?

There's an old episode of What's Happening!! where Roger fucks up, and his mom decides to beat his ass (this is actually the plot of every episode of What's Happening!!). So his mom asks Rerun for his belt, only Rerun is 300-plus pounds, so when he takes out his belt, it's like eight feet long. And Roger's mom guffaws and cries out, "Oh, Rerun! I wanna whip him, not hang him!" And the whole studio audience goes crazy with laughter.

Read more...

16 Sep 14:09

Noted: Somewhat New Packaging for Surge done In-house

by Armin
Krankota

Hahaha! SUUUUUUUUUURGE!

Surge Redux

Somewhat New Packaging for Surge done In-house

"After a 12 year absence, everyone's favorite energy soda, SURGE, is back! First launched in 1996, SURGE was a hit with teens and adults alike. After a hiatus, The Coca-Cola Company is bringing the drink back to the excitement and celebration of fans. SURGE is a beloved citrus soda with a fully loaded taste that awakens a familiar rush from back in the day. This is the first time a Coca-Cola beverage is being sold exclusively through an online retailer, Amazon.com." (Source: YouTube)

Design by: Coca-Cola Company
(Originally designed by Tom Cox in-house with Scott Graham and Malinda Sanna)

Opinion/Notes: I don't drink sodas anymore but when I did, nothing beat a good citrus soda and Surge was really one of the best. What's interesting about this — more than it coming back or being sold exclusively through Amazon — is the decision from Coca-Cola to go with nearly the exact same graphic design as the one it launched with in 1996, at the height of Grunge and Xtreme things. At the time, the design made perfect sense. Today? It's definitely weird and out of place, like an off-brand soda that you can only get in one gas station in one state of the U.S. But clearly, this was about building on the nostalgia and fan fervor of the original product and changing the design would have pissed off the same people that helped bring it back to market. Long live Surge!

Related Links: Coca-Cola Company press release
Surge exclusively for sale on Amazon
Surge Original Art and Design images from Tom Cox
Tom Cox, excited that Surge is back

Select Quote: The SURGE re-launch represents two additional firsts for Coke. The brand, which will be offered in its original formula in 12-packs of 16-oz. cans featuring the same retro design from yesteryear, is part of an innovative distribution deal between Coca-Cola and Amazon. A limited supply of SURGE will be sold exclusively through the online retailer at www.amazon.com/surge, marking the first time Coke has distributed a product solely through e-commerce.

SURGE’s return also will be Coke’s first launch to rely solely on social and digital media. The brand will forego all traditional forms of advertising, including TV and out of home, allowing excitement to build online (follow the brand's journey on Twitter: @SURGE).

Somewhat New Packaging for Surge done In-house
Can detail.
Somewhat New Packaging for Surge done In-house
Pack.
Somewhat New Packaging for Surge done In-house
Original design process drawings by Tom Cox.
Surge is back promo video.
Many thanks to our ADVx3 Partners
16 Sep 13:10

‘The Avengers: Age Of Ultron’ Just Released A Hint-Filled Synopsis

by danuproxx
Krankota

Shared for excellent news re: The Vision. YIP!

avengers_age_of_ultron_concept-art-banner

Marvel


The Avengers is probably one of the few truly beloved popcorn movies to hit theaters in recent years, and it made a billion dollars as a result. So, who’s coming back, and who’s new, for the sequel? More people than you might think.

Stitch Kingdom got the official synopsis from Disney, and it’s not spoiler-heavy… but there are more than a few interesting tidbits:

Marvel Studios presents Avengers: Age of Ultron, the epic follow-up to the biggest Super Hero movie of all time. When Tony Stark tries to jumpstart a dormant peacekeeping program, things go awry and Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, including Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Incredible Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye, are put to the ultimate test as the fate of the planet hangs in the balance. As the villainous Ultron emerges, it is up to The Avengers to stop him from enacting his terrible plans, and soon uneasy alliances and unexpected action pave the way for an epic and unique global adventure.

Marvel’s Avengers: Age of Ultron stars Robert Downey Jr., who returns as Iron Man, along with Chris Evans as Captain America, Chris Hemsworth as Thor and Mark Ruffalo as The Hulk. Together with Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow and Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye, and with the additional support of Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury and Cobie Smulders as Agent Maria Hill, the team must reassemble to defeat James Spader as Ultron, a terrifying technological villain hell-bent on human extinction. Along the way, they confront two mysterious and powerful newcomers, Wanda Maximoff, played by Elizabeth Olsen, and Pietro Maximoff, played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson, and meet an old friend in a new form when Paul Bettany becomes Vision.

First off, some of what we suspected turns out to be true: Tony’s the jerk who gets this all started, while Hank Pym is off palling around with Paul Rudd. And it appears the Vision will evolve from JARVIS as most fans speculated; how much you want to bet he hijacks an old set of Tony’s armor and reconfigures it?

What’s interesting, though, is that Nick Fury and Maria Hill are back in action. Fury, you might remember, was last seen in the Marvel Cinematic Universe giving Coulson the directorship of SHIELD that should have been Hill’s. Sorry, Phil, but she’s a bit more qualified than you are. Hill we also last saw on TV, and was working for Tony, or at least availing herself of his legal department. So it’s interesting that they’re both in play. Coulson, apparently, has to settle for his own TV series.

This is just the start of the shenanigans. The movie comes out in seven months, so expect a trailer before the end of the year, and a massive hype machine soon after.


Filed under: GammaSquad, Movies Tagged: AVENGERS, AVENGERS 2, avengers: age of ultron, Marvel, Movies, PAUL BETTANY, synopsis, teasers, THE VISION
12 Sep 11:37

Oscar Pistorius Found Guilty of Culpable Homicide

by Aleksander Chan on Gawker, shared by Barry Petchesky to Deadspin
Krankota

Legal: your thoughts?

Oscar Pistorius Found Guilty of Culpable Homicide

After dismissing premeditated murder charges yesterday, Judge Thokozile Matilda Masipa ruled that Oscar Pistorius is guilty of culpable homicide—similar to a manslaughter conviction in the U.S. —in the shooting and killing of his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp. http://gawker.com/judge-oscar-pi...

Read more...








04 Sep 14:00

All The Comments on Every Recipe Blog

by Mallory Ortberg

inaPreviously: The Comment Section For Every Article Ever Written About Intimate Grooming and Tipping.

“I didn’t have any eggs, so I replaced them with a banana-chia-flaxseed pulse. It turned out terrible; this recipe is terrible.”

“I don’t have any of these ingredients at home. Could you rewrite this based on the food I do have in my house? I’m not going to tell you what food I have. You have to guess.”

“I don’t eat white flour, so I tried making it with raw almonds that I’d activated by chewing them with my mouth open to receive direct sunlight, and it turned out terrible. This recipe is terrible.”

“Could you please give the metric weight measurements, and sometime in the next twenty minutes; I’m making this for a dinner party and my guests are already here.”

“i dont have an oven, can i still make this? please reply immediately”

“Does anyone know if you can make this ahead of time and freeze it?”

“Have you thought about making a sugar-free version of this?”

“Can you give us a calorie breakdown for this?”

“I followed this to the letter, except I substituted walnuts and tofu for the skirt steak, ditched the cheese entirely, and replaced the starch with a turnip salad. Turned out great. My seven-year-old boys have never seen a dessert and I’ve convinced them that walnut-and-turnip salad is “cake.” Thanks for the recipe!”

“I’m having a lot of trouble signing up for your newsletter. Can you please assist?”

“a warning that if you cook this at 275°F for three hours instead of at 400°F for twenty-five minutes its completely ruined. do you have any suggestions?”

“I didn’t have buttermilk, so I just poured baking soda into a container of raspberry yogurt. It tasted terrible.”

“I love this recipe! I added garlic powder, Italian seasoning, a few flakes of nutritional yeast, half a bottle of kombucha, za’atar, dried onion, and biscuit mix to mine. Great idea!”

“Due to dietary restrictions, I am only able to eat Yatzhee dice. I made the necessary substitutions, and it turned out great.”

“If you use olive oil for any recipe that’s cooked over 450°F, the oil will denature and you will get cancer. This post is irresponsible. You should only use grapeseed oil you’ve pressed yourself in a very cold room.”

“[600-word description of what they ate today] so this will make a great addition!”

“I just started Paleo yesterday, and I’m wondering if there’s a way to make this without the ingredients.”

“I was all out of cake flour, so I transfigured my hands into puffer fish, which worked pretty well.”

“Have you considered making a version of this margherita pizza for your readers who are trying to avoid gluten, dairy and nightshades? What if I shoved a roll of basil leaves in my mouth, do you think that would taste good?”

“this was a very good post for your recipe you made, i made a similar recipe over at my blog last month, please consider linking back.”

“I’m actually a supertaster, so I can’t eat anything that isn’t licking the salt off the top of saltines; will this recipe work for me?”

heal your body through food

“If you don’t soak the seeds for at least fourteen hours before using, the phytic acid will give you cancer. Just thought you should know.”

Read more All The Comments on Every Recipe Blog at The Toast.

15 Sep 19:53

Photo





15 Sep 19:53

Photo



05 Sep 18:00

“Taking a Mermaid to Church”: A Poem

by Sarah Fletcher
Krankota

I thought this was lovely.

YEMANJA_RAINHA_DO_MAR_(85)

They told me she did not exist, at first,
that stained glass loves to trick the eye.
The worst thing about the windows is that God rarely 
passes by; the church does not illuminate
with light. Instead, we’re tricked into thinking
that this bright-leggèd woman has a tail.

And so my mermaid paled and wept;
I’d made her wear a shirt so I could bring her
as my guest. The tops of her white breasts crowded
like the heads of newborn babies to her chest.
She was Madonna for the possessed,
her giant tail wetting the wood of pews.

We read Micah, Chapter Seven, in the mass:
And he will cast our sins into the depths of sea. 
Verse Nineteen. My mermaid said It’s true.
Each prayer is caught by seaweed on the floor 
and anchors itself deep beneath the sand. 
The mermaids dig them up to use as bricks

and laugh at humans’ meaningless demands.

Read more “Taking a Mermaid to Church”: A Poem at The Toast.

15 Sep 18:40

The Colombian Women’s Cycling Team Wore Uniforms That Left Nothing To The Imagination

by isaacand
Krankota

What. The. Fuck.

Colombian camel toe

Twitter/Hillary Evans


I’m sitting in my boxers right now. I rarely, if ever, put on pants during on the day. I feel I need to tell you this before posting about other people’s fashion choices.

Ok, now that we got that all straightened out, ma’am, excuse me, I can see your vagina. No wait, sorry, that’s just camel toe. Massive, massive nude-colored camel toe. The Colombian Cycling Team thought it was o.k. to wear this monstrosity during the Giro della Toscana in Italy. Unsurprisingly, people took notice.

To the many who have raised the issue of a certain women's team kit, we are on the case. It is unacceptable by any standard of decency.

— Brian Cookson OBE (@BrianCooksonUCI) September 14, 2014

You know, maybe we’re not being fair. Maybe even if we zoom in a little…

Colombian cycling outfit

Twitter


Wait, no, that’s awful. I mean, cycling uniforms are generally awful but this one’s especially camel toe-y. A cycling website claims the uniform’s color is gold but hey, I know nude when I see it guys.

[NPR]


Filed under: Media, Sports Tagged: CAMEL TOE, CYCLING, Cycling uniforms, GRATUITOUS NUDITY, UNIFORMS
15 Sep 14:54

Jay Cutler Is A Goofy Press Conference Sidekick

by Tom Ley
Krankota

He's such a treasure.

Brandon Marshall does all of the talking here, but Jay Cutler is the one you want to keep an eye on. Watch as he disinterestedly fires off a text message, pets Brandon Marshall, and makes about three or four vintage Cutler faces. The man was in top form both on and off the field last night.

Read more...