Shared posts

22 May 10:18

I just want a horror movie where the person being terrorized snaps and decides fuck it and goes after the bad guys with gruesome results and evil cackling

Suko

I don't generally like horror but I approve of this sub-genre.

DO I HAVE SOME RECS FOR YOU:

  • Hush: A serial killer targets a deaf woman in her home only to have her own his ass.
  • You’re Next: A group of masked killers descend on a family dinner only one of the guests is an aussie expat who grew up on a survivalist commune.
  • No One Lives: A bunch of two-bit criminals accidentally kidnap a serial killer. This goes about as well as expected for them.
  • Gone: Police don’t believe a girl when she says her kidnapper is back and behind the disappearance of her sister so she takes things into her own hands.

PS: don’t bother with Julia X or The Final Girl - they’re both shiiiiiiitttttt.

21 May 15:05

woman: i miss you like the deserts miss the rain

woman: i miss you like the deserts miss the rain
man: oh that's so sweet, i--
woman: i've adapted to existence without you, buried everything we made together, and prolonged exposure to you would be disastrous.
20 May 07:59

That armor looks like a lot to put on [Eowyn by Magali...

Suko

Dumb caption but the image itself is so good. Love the textures and layering and different light reflecting-surfaces.



That armor looks like a lot to put on [Eowyn by Magali Villeneuve]

18 May 07:17

Rations for various RPG Races

Suko

This kept getting better and better.

It really reminded me of the Song of Ice and Fire cookbook.

bfleuter:

kramergate:

pajamaslam:

arachnescurse:

artemis-entreri:

[[ Source. Original creator: wats6831. Additional information and images linked under each one. ]]

Universal:

image

Homemade artisan herb bread, home grown and dried apples and prunes, uncured beef sausage, munster cheese. Made a small bag from cheesecloth and tied it closed.

Discussion thread here.


Dwarf:

image

Garlic chicken livers, smoked and peppered cheese, spiced pork sausages, hard tack, dried vegetables, dried wild mushrooms.

Discussion thread here.


Elf:

image

Top left to right: Evereskan Honey Comb, Elven Travel Bread (Amaretto Liquer Cake with custom swirls), Lurien Spring Cheese (goat cheese with garlic, salt, spices and shallots), Delimbyr Vale Smoked Silverfin (Salmon), Honey Spiced Lichen (Kale Chips), and Silverwood Pine Nuts.

Discussion thread here.


Halfling:

image

From upper left: “Honeytack” Hard tack honey cakes, beef sausage, pork sausage mini links, mini whole wheat toast, cranberry cheddar cheese mini wedge, mini pickles, pumpkin and sunflower seeds, lower right is my homemade “travel cake” muesli with raisins, golden prunes, honey, eggs and cream.

Discussion thread here.


Half-Orc:

image

Wrapped in cheesecloth and tied in burlap package. Forest strider drumsticks, molasses sweet wheat bread “black strap”, aged Munster, hard boiled eggs, mixed wild nuts.

Discussion thread here.


Orc:

image

Orcs aren’t known for their great cuisine. Orcs prefer foods that are readily available (whatever can be had by raiding), and portable with little preparation, though they have a few racial delicacies. Toughs strips of lean meat, bones scavenged from recent kills, and dark coarse bread make up the bulk of common orc rations.Fire roasted rothe femur (marrow is a rare treat) [beef femur], Strips of dried meat (of unknown origin) [homemade goose jerky], foraged nuts, only edible by orcs….nut cracker tusks [brazil nuts], coarse black bread, made with whatever grains can be pillaged [black sesame bread], Pungent peppers [Habanero peppers stuffed with smoked fish and olives].

More images here. Discussion thread here.


Gnome:

image

Pan fried Delimbyr smelt, spiced goat cheese (paprika crusted hand pressed Fontina), Gnome shortbread (savory pistachio), glass travel jar filled with Secomber Red (wine), hard boiled quail eggs packed in rolled oats (to keep safe), dried figs from Calimshan, and Southwood smoked goat sausage (blood sausage).

More images here. Discussion thread here.


Lizardfolk:

image

Lizardfolk are known to be omnivores, forage for a surprising variety of foods found within the confines of their marshy environs, in this case the Lizard Marsh near Daggerford. Fresh caught boiled Delimbyr Crayfish on wild chives, coastal carrageen moss entrapping estuary brine shrimp (irish moss, dried brine shrimp), Brackish-Berries (blackberries), Blackened Dart-Frog legs (frog legs) on spring sprouts (clover sprouts), roasted bog bugs on a stick!

More images here. Discussion thread here.


Drow:

image

From top left: Menzoberranzan black truffle rothe cheese (Black Knight Tilsit), Donigarten Moss Snails (Escargot in shallot butter sauce), Blind cave fish caviar in mushroom caps (Lumpfish caviar), faerzress infused duck egg imported from the surface Realms (Century egg), Black velvet ear fungus (Auricularia Black Fungus Mushroom).

More images here. Discussion thread here.

Drow will also eat A Fucking Rock if it’s goth enough

#this rules to such a ridiculous degree im aghast

you know what im gonna reblog this to my main as well as my aesthetic blog because this post kicked my ass

I love these so much.

16 May 07:50

Some Quotes From my Art History Professor:

Suko

The angry discussion of TMNT is wonderful.

simonalkenmayer:

gallusrostromegalus:

  • “Caravaggio was the BEST renaissance painter, because he knew his shit.  Literally.  Look at this painting, he’s painted shit on everything, even Saint Peter!”
  • “For those of you fortunate enough to Not grow up catholic, a baptism is where you mist a baby like an orchid to keep it from going to hell.”
  • “You get Extra Credit for you eerily comprehensive knowledge of Muppets.  Now stop talking.”
  • “GOD I love flying buttresses.  They’re so melodramatic!”
  • “I don’t call him “Da Vinci” because that means “From Vinci”.  That’s like calling Steve “Of Greeley” instead of his real name and that’s just rude.  And not just because Greeley is Awful.”
  • “Michelangelo was really depressed because his job sucked.  Also because he was a bit of a douche, but mostly the job.  He should have been doing literally anything else.”
  • “Everything can be improved with a Simpson’s reference!”
  • “Send me Memes, I like having recent content in my lectures.”
    *Next day* “Stop sending me memes. Please.”
  • *whilst angrily pointing at a picture of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles* “The Turtles have all their names mixed up for their personalities and frankly that’s embarrassing.  The techie should be Leo, the Flirt should be Raphael, The Boring Leader Dude should be Donatello and the angry one should be Carvaggio because that asshole literally spent his life drunk, fighting people and blackmailing cardinals.  Carvaggio was the BEST.”
  • “I could have studied in Rome. I could be trying to match boxes of broken dicks to statuary.  Instead of dicks I have you assholes.”
  • “Warhol was, as you young people say, A Troll.  The art is not the Art, the Outrage is the Art.  Which is kind of a Dick Move, which we old people say too.”
  • “Remember Kids- mental illness and heavy metal poisoning are not actually substitutes for Talent and Hard Work! Get therapy and don’t drink your paint water!”

Hahahahahaha

14 May 08:06

oh my gdO CAN YOU DRAW GODZILLA MOMMA CARRYING LIKE A HUNDRED LIZARD BABIES ON HER BACK FOR TAKE YOUR CHILD (lizard) TO WORK DAY

Suko

Adorably awesome!

oh SHOOT well i cant swing 100 but how bout

image
image
image
image
image
image
image
image
13 May 08:12

Librarians must resist trumpism

Suko

OOooo... I love librarians.

breelandwalker:

athenadark:

cycopompadour:

bipolar-bubbeleh:

mostlysignssomeportents:

Radical librarian Jason Griffey (previously) wants librarians to continue their 21st century leadership in the resistance to surveillance and persecution – a proud record that includes the most effective stands against GW Bush’s Patriot Act – by pledging to make libraries safe havens from trumpism and its evils: electronic surveillance; racial and gender-based discrimination; and the assertion that ideology trumps empirical reality.

Neutrality favors the powerful, and further marginalizes the marginalized. In the face of the current political climate, with the use of opinions as bludgeons and disinformation as the weapon of choice for manipulation and intellectual coercion, it is up to those who value fact and believe in the care of those in need to stand up and positively affirm that to do otherwise is evil.

For libraries and librarians, that means:

1. Making the physical space of the library safe for those that need it by publicly stating your stance on the targeting of marginalized communities and then following up with actions and policies that back up those statements

2. Protecting your patrons from targeting and oppression, even in the face of possible governmental pressures, by resisting calls for information about your patrons at every level

3. Making your digital spaces safe for you patrons by limiting the data you collect, eliminating the data that you store, encrypting your communications at all levels and importantly insisting that your vendors do the same

4. Running programs that actively provide support for your at-risk patrons, whatever that looks like in your community

5. By being the voice of reason and compassion when dealing with your city or county government, and by modeling the same by advocating for those at risk

These things are vital and necessary. Especially now.

https://boingboing.net/2016/12/20/librarians-must-resist-trumpis.html

ok but that sign is SO COOL. It is illegal - fucking fuck - for a library to say it has been approached by the FBI. The workaround is that a library can say they have not been approached until, ya know, that’s a lie and they take down the sign.


That is also actually why a lot of libraries no longer keep records of what a person checks out. Like they take broad stats but a lot of computer programs don’t even have the capacity to log what a person has checked out. You can’t disclose what you don’t have.

tldr, librarians can be awesome when we stop doing this neutrality lie.

Why in the hell is that illegal? That’s sketch af guys. Someone in the law making business is shade. Shaaaaaade.

the FBI used to maintain watch lists of books people took out, and librarians didn’t like it, so they told their patrons to work from a book in the library so they didn’t go on the watch list, or took the books out themselves, so the FBI got really pissed at them and got the lawmakers to make it illegal to warn them

but librarians are smart wily fuckers - the FBI didn’t stand a chance

Librarians are some of the most bad-ass, no-nonsense, I-will-burn-your-castle-down people you will ever meet.

Never ever fuck with a librarian. Chances are they’ve memorized the book whose title alone can slay you.

12 May 10:50

I'd very much like to punch a feminist.

Suko

It's really all about that last photo of Awesomeness.

paganlesbean:

super-ghostbuster:

likeits1995:

tiny-septic-box-sam:

ggothclaudia:

adventureathlete:

thattallsummonerguy:

olisaurusrex:

true-blue-brit:

I’d never, ever hurt a lady but I’d be happy to punch a feminist.

It’d bring me great joy.

image

I’m 6’2 and weigh 180lbs

ready when you are

Or if you’d like to have some more options….
image

I’m 6’4”
228 pounds
and have 9 years of combined martial arts training and 3 years of being a Line Backer in football.
Just in case you are looking for variety.


image

what about a lady and a feminist. warning, combatives certified soldier.

im tiny, i’m like 5′4 and 130 lbs but u can fight me too

Reblogging for the last one cuz that’s adorable

SO PROUD

The Fantastic 4 we deserve

OMG IVE ONLY SEEN THIS POST IN SCREEN SHOTS

11 May 05:49

surprisebitch: advanced-procrastination: commandtower-solring-go...

Suko

I love subtle art.



surprisebitch:

advanced-procrastination:

commandtower-solring-go:

kayas-wife:

chandra-nalaar:

viralthings:

The more you look at this picture, the more anxious it becomes.

this is just a normal waffle house

there is a bloody handprint on the door

There is somethung under the counter with the cups

A normal waffle house

is that a tentacle wrapped around the little boy’s arm

what is bleeding so much as she chops it

also that blind man is reading the paper

07 May 20:25

mens-rights-activia: College students on their way to their 8am...

Suko

This would have been creepy as shit to watch. I respect their dedication.



















mens-rights-activia:

College students on their way to their 8am class

07 May 05:16

lovernotafighter93: candiikismet: pumpkinmcqueen: fieldbears: ...

Suko

This is awesome.







lovernotafighter93:

candiikismet:

pumpkinmcqueen:

fieldbears:

hijinksensue:

brandonnbakerr:

sidizenkane:

sidizenkane:

sidizenkane:

sidizenkane:

itsverybeautifulover-there:

sidizenkane:

Parks & Rec, Pretty Little Liars and the Fast & Furious films all exist in the same universe

And SCANDAL WTF

Oh jeez, SCANDAL….

image

….and BATTLESHIP too, apparently. It’s a goddamn conspiracy 

image

Oh god. He’s on REVENGE too. How deep does this rabbit-hole go….

image

Oh my god. DEXTER.

image

THE ACTUAL NEWS

image

I read an interview with this guy (who is a real news anchor), and he said he told his acting agent that he is ONLY interested in parts where he plays a new anchor. This is no coincidence. This is by design. 

what is his plan

living the dream

I love this! 😂😂😂

This is so dope

06 May 22:28

bertmacklin-atf: mckitterick: superheroesincolor: Timeless...

Suko

One of the few really good scenes in the otherwise painfully awful Timeless show. And really cool history.





















bertmacklin-atf:

mckitterick:

superheroesincolor:

Timeless (2016) S1E012 - The Murder of Jesse James 

Bass Reeves, protrayed by Colman Domingo. Rufus Carlin, protrayed by Malcolm Barrett.

Watch it  here , get Bass Reeves: Tales of the Talented Tenth  here


[Follow SuperheroesInColor faceb / instag / twitter / tumblr / pinterest]

It’s true!

Source: X

Bass Reeves was so dedicated to the law, he even arrested his own son Bennie for the murder of his wife. Bennie was sentenced to life in prison. With over 3000 arrests, 14 kills, went his entire 32 year career in law enforcement without being shot once.

He was assigned to bring in the notorious female outlaw Belle Starr. Once she got wind who was after her she turned herself into the federal court.

Reeves was one of a few Marshalls who would venture into Indian territory *oklahoma*. After the age of 67 he retired in 1907. He enjoyed his short lived retirement as a police officer in Muskogee Oklahoma, his assigned beat had 0 crime reported until he died at the age of 71 of Bright’s disease.

He was one of the true gun slingers of the west.

06 May 08:12

Photo

Suko

Bwahahahahaha



06 May 07:23

bigmammallama5: voidbat: eatbreathewrite: writing-prompt-s: An old and homely grandmother...

Suko

Awww...

bigmammallama5:

voidbat:

eatbreathewrite:

writing-prompt-s:

An old and homely grandmother accidentally summons a demon. She mistakes him for her gothic-phase teenage grandson and takes care of him. The demon decides to stay at his new home.

It isn’t uncommon for this particular demon to be summoned—from exhausting Halloween party pranks in abandoned barns to more legitimate (more exhausting) ceremonies in forests—but it has to admit, this is the first time it’s been called forth from its realm into a claustrophobic living room bathed in the dull orange-pink glow of old glass lamps and a multitude of wide-eyed, creepy antique porcelain dolls that could give Chucky a run for his money with all of their silent, seething stares combined. Accompanying those oddities are tea cup and saucer sets on shelves atop frilly doilies crocheted with the utmost care, and cross-stitched, colorful ‘Home Sweet Home’s hung across the wood-paneled walls.

It’s a mistake—a wrong number, per se. No witch it’s ever known has lived in such an, ah, dated, home. Furthermore, no practitioner that ever summoned it has been absent, as if they’d up and ding-dong ditched it. No, it didn’t work that way. Not at all. Not if they want to survive the encounter.

It hears the clinking of movement in the room adjacent—the kitchen, going by the pungent, bitter scent of cooled coffee and soggy, sweet sponge cakes, but more jarring is the smell of blood. It moves—feels something slip beneath its clawed foot as it does, and sees a crocheted blanket of whites and greys and deep black yarn, wound intricately, perfectly, into a summoning circle. Its summoning circle. There is a small splash of bright scarlet and sharp, jagged bits of a broken curio scattered on top, as if someone had dropped it, attempted to pick it up the pieces and pricked their finger. It would explain the blood. And it would explain the demon being brought into this strange place.

As it connects these pieces in its mind, the inhabitant of the house rounds the corner and exits the kitchen, holding a damp, white dish towel close to her hand and fumbling with the beaded bifocals hanging from her neck by a crocheted lanyard before stopping dead in her tracks.

Now, to be fair, the demon wouldn’t ordinarily second guess being face-to-face with a hunchbacked crone with a beaked nose, beady eyes and a peculiar lack of teeth, or a spidery shawl and ankle-length black dress, but there is definitely something amiss here. Especially when the old biddy lets her spectacles fall slack on her bosom and erupts into a wide, toothy (toothless) grin, eyes squinting and crinkling from the sheer effort of it.

“Todd! Todd, dear, I didn’t know you were visiting this year! You didn’t call, you didn’t write—but, oh, I’m so happy you’re here, dear! Would it have been too much to ask you to ring the doorbell? I almost had a heart attack. And don’t worry about the blood, here—I had an accident. My favorite figure toppled off of the table and cleanup didn’t go as expected. But I seem to recall you are quite into the bloodshed and ‘edgy’ stuff these days, so I don’t suppose you mind.” She releases a hearty, kind laugh, but it isn’t mocking, it’s sweet. Grandmotherly. The demon is by no means sentimental or maudlin, but the kindness, the familiarity, the genuine fondness, does pull a few dusty old nostalgic heartstrings. “Imagine if it leaves a scar! It’d be a bit ‘badass,’ as you teenagers say, wouldn’t it?”

She is as blind as a bat without her glasses, it would appear, because the demon is by no means a ‘Todd’ or a human at all, though humanoid, shrouded in sleek, black skin and hard spikes and sharp claws. But the demon humors her, if only because it had been caught off guard.

The old woman smiles still, before turning on her heel and shuffling into the hallway with a stiff gait revealing a poor hip. “Be a dear and make some more coffee, would you please? I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Yes, this is most definitely a mistake. One for the record books, for certain. For late-night trips to bars and conversations with colleagues, while others discuss how many souls they’d swindled in exchange for peanuts, or how many first-borns they’d been pledged for things idiot humans could have gained without divine intervention. Ugh. Sometimes it all just became so pedantic that little detours like this were a blessing—happy accidents, as the humans would say.

That’s why the demon does as asked, and plods slowly into the kitchen, careful to duck low and avoid the top of the doorframe. That’s why it gingerly takes the small glass pot and empties it of old, stale coffee and carefully, so carefully, takes a measuring scoop between its claws and fills the machine with fresh grounds. It’s as the hot water is percolating that the old woman returns, her index finger wrapped tight in a series of beige bandages.

“I’m surprised you’re so tall, Todd! I haven’t seen you since you were at my hip! But your mother mails photos all the time—you do love wearing all black, don’t you?” She takes a seat at the small round table in the corner and taps the glass lid of the cake plate with quaking, unsteady, aged hands. “I was starting to think you’d never visit. Your father and I have had our disagreements, but…I am glad you’re here, dear. Would you like some cake?” Before the demon has a chance to decline, she lifts the lid and cuts a generous slice from the near-complete circle that has scarcely been touched. It smells of citrus and cream and is, as assumed earlier, soggy, oversaturated with icing.

It was made for a special occasion, for guests, but it doesn’t seem this old woman receives much company in this musty, stagnant house that smells like an antique garage that hadn’t had its dust stirred in years.

Especially not from her absentee grandson, Todd.

The demon waits until the coffee pot is full, and takes two small mugs from the counter, filling them until steam is frothing over the rims. Then, and only then, does it accept the cake and sit, with some difficulty, in a small chair at the small table. It warbles out a polite ‘thank you,’ but it doesn’t suppose the woman understands. Manners are manners regardless.

“Oh, dear, I can hardly understand. Your voice has gotten so deep, just like your grandfather’s was. That, and I do recall you have an affinity for that gravelly, screaming music. Did your voice get strained? It’s alright, dear, I’ll do the talking. You just rest up. The coffee will help soothe.”

The demon merely nods—some communication can be understood without fail—and drinks the coffee and eats the cake with a too-small fork. It’s ordinary, mushy, but delicious because of the intent behind it and the love that must have gone into its creation.

“I hope you enjoyed all of the presents I sent you. You never write back—but I am aware most people use that fancy E-mail these days. I just can’t wrap my head around it. I do wish your mom and dad would visit sometime. I know of a wonderful little café down the street we can go to. I haven’t been; I wanted to visit it with Charles, before he…well.” She falls silent in her rambling, staring into her coffee with a small, melancholy smile. “I can’t believe it’s been ten years. You never had the chance to meet him. But never mind that.” Suddenly, and with surprising speed that has the demon concerned for her well being, she moves to her feet, bracing her hands on the edge of the table. “I may as well give you your birthday present, since you’re here. What timing! I only finished it this morning. I’ll be right back.”

When she returns, the white, grey and black crocheted work with the summoning circle is bundled in her arms.  

“I found these designs in an occult book I borrowed from the library. I thought you’d like them on a nice, warm blanket to fight off the winter chill—I hope you do like it.” With gentle hands, she spreads the blanket over the demon’s broad, spiky back like a shawl, smoothing it over craggy shoulders and patting its arms affectionately. “Happy birthday, Todd, dear.”

Well, that settles it. Whoever, wherever, Todd is, he’s clearly missing out. The demon will just have to be her grandson from now on.

this is so sweet. it made me want to hug someone.

i had to

05 May 05:56

Maui is not obese

Suko

I love the picture of The Rock's grandfather!!

rosworms:

Maui is a powerful demigod. Big and strong and… oh, you think he looks fat?

That’s probably because you’ve been conditioned by the media to accept this

as what strong and fit looks like. Amiright?

Sadly… these guys are not all that strong. Yeah, they got muscles… but they aren’t built in a useful way. They are built for looks and that’s about it.

This… 

is a strong guy. Actually a competitor in the Strongman competition. But… his tummy sticks out and he doesn’t look like a Dorito. 

You know who else is strong?

These guys…

And Maui…

Look at those arms, omg. And that solid, sturdy torso. You can see a shadow where his meat covers his ribs, but he doesn’t look like any slouch to me.

And this guy…

That’s Dwayne Johnson’s grandfather. When the Disney animators showed him their sketches of Maui, he pulled out a picture of his grandfather and showed it to them because he was amazed how similar they looked. This dude was also a pro wrestler.

There’s actually a great infographic about ab muscles and stuff over HERE.
but this is the part i want to show you.

Now… look at Maui again.

That thickness don’t move like fat. It doesn’t jiggle and he’s able to flex it. Look at how it sits on his body. It doesn’t sag… he doesn’t have a gut. There’s even a slight V shape to his torso.

It’s just big and not ‘defined’.

And people aren’t used to that.

(sorry, this isn’t the most organized post… i kinda just let it all spill out)

04 May 07:17

Photo Library Management

Suko

THE PAIN IS REAL.

A good lifehack is to use messy and unstable systems to organize your photos. That way, every five years or so it becomes obsolete and/or collapses, and you have to open it up and pick only your favorite pictures to salvage.
04 May 07:15

artykyn: prideling: gunvolt: im going to have a stroke Instead...

Suko

Useful and also funny.



artykyn:

prideling:

gunvolt:

im going to have a stroke

Instead try…

Person A: You know… the thing
Person B: The “thing”?
Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda… THE FISHING ROD

As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed:

  • Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity.
  • Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idioms belong to which language. It usually takes a minute of everyone staring at him in confused silence before he says “….Ah….. that must be a Russian one then….”
  • Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English.
  • Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the word “préservatifes.” Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms.
  • Defined a slang term for me……. with another slang term. In the same language. Which I do not speak.
  • Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He said “I don’t know” and turned to me and asked “Is there an English equivalent for Нумизматический?” and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back.
  • Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turned “How stressful!” into “What stressing!”

Bilingual characters are great but if you’re going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And it’s usually 10x funnier than “Ooops it’s hard to switch back.”

04 May 07:12

Photo

Suko

Probably shouldn't find this as funny as I do.



03 May 15:28

tygermama: aniseandspearmint: feynites: minesottafatspoollegend: i love in fantasy when its...

Suko

I would watch the shit out of this if it were an animated series. The memorial episode!

tygermama:

aniseandspearmint:

feynites:

minesottafatspoollegend:

i love in fantasy when its like “king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous”

When my sister and I were kids we had this one action figure, who was actually a brutalized batman doll without his cape (the dog chewed half his head, too), who we dubbed ‘Evil Chancellor Traytor’. The idea was that in the fictional society of our toys, ‘chancellor’ just came with the word ‘evil’ in front of it, as a matter of ancient tradition. Like ‘grand’ or ‘high’ or something along those lines.

Anyway, the running gag was that the king (an old Power Rangers knock-off doll) had absolute and unwavering faith in Evil Chancellor Traytor, who basically comported himself like a mix between Grima Wormtongue and Jafar from the Aladdin movies. Everyone was always sure that Evil Chancellor Traytor had something to do with the nefarious scheme of the day. The dude even carried around a poisoned knife called ‘the kingslayer’.

The additional twist on the joke, though, was that he never was behind anything. The king was actually right. Evil Chancellor Traytor was the most devoted civil servant in the entire Action Figure Dystopia. He spent his nights working on writing up new legislature to ensure that broken toys had access to mobility devices, was always on the lookout to acquire new shoeboxes for expanding city infrastructure, and drafted a proposal that once got half the ‘settlement’ in my sister and I’s closet moved to the upper shelf so that vulnerable toys were less likely to be snatched up by the dog.

The knife, as it turned out, was as symbolic as the ‘evil’ in his name. See, Action Figure Dystopia had a long history of corrupted monarchs getting too big for their thrones and exploiting the underclasses. The job of the Evil Chancellor was to always remain vigilant, and loyally serve a good ruler - or, if the regent should became a despot, to slay them on behalf of the people.

But since killing the king would be a terrible crime, the Evil Chancellor had to be the kind of person who would willingly die to spare the people from the plight of a wicked leader; because the murder would be pinned on them, in order to keep the ‘machinery of politics’ working as smoothly as ever.

Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor had a diary, in which my sister I would take turns writing out the most over-the-top good shit he’d done behind the scenes. Usually after everyone else had finished talking shit about him. I don’t know why but we got the biggest kick out of being like:

Barbie With the Unfortunate Haircut: Oh that Evil Chancellor Traytor! Why can’t the king see how wicked he is?!

Charmander From the Vending Machine: Char!

Jurassic Park Toy of Jeff Goldblum With Disturbingly Realistic Face: At least if someone puts a knife in the king’s back, we’ll know where to look!

Evil Chancellor Traytor’s Diary: Today I was feeding ducks at the park when I noticed another legless action figure sitting by the benches. I put a hundred dollars into his bag while he wasn’t looking. I really need to increase budgeting to the medical treatment centers. If only we had enough glue, I think we would see far fewer toys trying to get by without limbs… *insert iconic evil laugh*

Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor eventually fell victim to one of my mom’s cleaning sprees, and she decided he was too busted up to keep and tossed him out. My littler brother, who tended to follow my sister and I’s games like he was watching a daily soap opera, cried so hard that we had to do a special ‘episode’ where one of the toys found the Evil Chancellor’s diary, and so he got a big huge memorial and the king threw himself into the empty grave and then ordered the toys driving the toy bulldozer to bury him so that ‘Traytor’s grave would have a body’ (this seemed very important for some reason).

And then we had the Quest For a New King. Somehow or another that ended up being a giant rubber snake called ‘Tyrant King Cobra’.

Proof that little girls can come up with riveting plots on par with the best space operas.

I would read this book. I would watch this show.

I need this to be a real thing, this is so awesome

03 May 06:46

c-is-for-circinate: wtfarraki: thatsacooldragon: I always...

Suko

YESSSSSSSSSS... My Dragonsesssss....



c-is-for-circinate:

wtfarraki:

thatsacooldragon:

I always approve of ladies having a chill time with dragons. Who needs to be a damsel in distress?
artist unknown

Art source:
Dragon Resting Its Head On The Lap Of A Woman - R. Leinweber (1912)

I love this picture because the body language (human and draconic) reminds me so much of when the dog decides she really, really needs to be at least half in my lap while I’m chilling with my computer.

Like, the dragon is all I adore you so much please pet behind my ears please and the lady is just sigh fine you always do this and I was going to get up for a glass of water but I guess I kind of love you too.

03 May 06:45

systlin: girly-fanatic: reichenbackdatassup: wow my brother was telling me this joke and he...

Suko

Deserved.

systlin:

girly-fanatic:

reichenbackdatassup:

wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said

“if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich”

then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming

100000000 points to mom.

This is 10000000% my mother

03 May 06:37

IF WOMEN WROTE MEN THE WAY MEN WRITE WOMEN

Suko

Heh.

leupagus:

dduane:

writing-while-female:

“Brett pulled his tank top up over his head and stared at himself in the full-length mirror. He pushed down his jeans, then his boxers, and imagined the moment when Jennifer saw him nude for the first time. His feet were average-sized, and there was hair on his toes that he should probably take care of before tonight. He liked his legs just fine, but his thighs were wide and embarrassingly muscular. He tried standing at an angle, a twist at his waist. Some improvement. In that position, it was easier to see his ass and notice that it was not as pert as it had been at 22. He clenched both cheeks, hoping that tightened its look. He sucked in his tummy and pulled his pecs up high, trying to present them like pastries in a bakery window. Would she like him? Were the goods good enough? He pouted his lips and ran his hands over his thighs, masking their expanse. Maybe.”


“There is a particular look about a teenage boy that lets you know what kind of man he’ll be. A certain fullness of lips, a frank sensuality in his gaze. We all know what the word for that is, but it’s not polite to use it until he’s proven he’s that kind of boy.”


“But I don’t get it!” Shea was panting, trying to catch up to Michael as he fled. “The monster ate everyone else. How did you escape?”

Michael reached the boat first, flinging himself in. He waited for Shea to follow him and take the oars, guiding them smoothly away from the shore.

“It’s because I was different from the other boys,” he said, pushing his hair behind his ear and looking away.

“What do you mean, different?” Shea’s muscles rippled and flexed as she rowed them to safety, and Michael could not tear his eyes away.

“Different. Pure, the monster said. Because I’m… I’ve never…” He looked away again, and the moonlight caught on his throat, outlined his clavicle.

“You’re a virgin,” Shea said, realization dawning. “What a waste.”

Michael blushed.

“If we get out of this alive,“ she said. “I’m going to fix that.”


Do go and read the others, they’re brilliant. 

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/if-women-wrote-men-the-way-men-write-women

(snort)

Lol so many replies to this are dudes getting mad

03 May 06:32

ofsparrows: tfw your folks replace the (perfectly...

Suko

Flying Roomba! LOL.



ofsparrows:

tfw your folks replace the (perfectly serviceable!!!) old hoover with a roomba and you don’t have a god damn clue how you’re gonna fly the thing

ETA:

image

so i tried out a few suggestions in the tags and 

(PRINT!🌇)

01 May 20:56

fun fact

Suko

This exchange is great.

narwhalsarefalling:

transcoranic:

narwhalsarefalling:

squirrelstone:

narwhalsarefalling:

lam-baka:

narwhalsarefalling:

narwhalsarefalling:

im weirdly knowlagable in the history of soda i dont even drink soda why do i know so much about it

coke and pepsi taste different because coke was invent before refrigeration so it was designed to be drunk warm, while pepsi was designed after refrigeration was invented so it was designed to be drunk cold. as a result the tastes are different but if you drink pepsi cold and coke warm theyll taste the same.

Why the fuck do you know this

i honestly have no idea

coke’s recipe was originally green but the designers made it brown so it looked more like tea

Had they never seen green tea?

i dont even know if green tea was invented in 1886 but they wanted to make the public more open to eating the fizzy drink

Green tea was invented in the 13th century and made up 22% of the tea thrown off the ship in the Boston Tea Party 

alan i know about soda not green tea

01 May 20:55

swnews: #married

Suko

They are so cute.











swnews:

#married

01 May 06:27

babyanimalgifs: Animals Dropping the Hottest Albums of the...

Suko

This was surprisingly convincing.





















babyanimalgifs:

Animals Dropping the Hottest Albums of the Year

(via Star-spangled-Banner)

28 Apr 04:59

for-the-other-shoe: OMG: I called George at three in the...

Suko

Nux knitting! Someone needs to find a picture.

















for-the-other-shoe:

OMG:

I called George at three in the morning and said, “I have to shave my head.” I loved it, but everyone hated me because it defined the look for the War Boys and all the stunt people. We had these huge, hardened stuntment whining, “I don’t wanna shave my head.”

[…]

“We’d knit,” says Theron, “There are photos of Nick, all muscular in leather pants with his head shaved, knitting a scarf. He made a ton of stuff. He made all our Christmas presents. I think Tom got in on it. But he dropped a lot of stitches. Not a world-class knitter in my opinion.”

Okay first, the fact that THERON defined the War Boys look makes me cackle to no end. 

But also, Hardy’s a method actor, so here I am imagining him with face screwed up, knitting needles clicking furiously like nail files, grunting in frustration.

27 Apr 09:48

Things you should be taught in school but aren’t, 7

Suko

Super useful points!

dreadpiratekhan:

squidids:

dreadpiratekhan:

Networking!

This is one of those weird adulting skills that everyone tells you is essential and then says very little more about it. 

When you’re looking for a job in your chosen profession, or once you have a job that you want to turn into a career - or at least, where you wouldn’t mind staying until you find your ideal career - you’re going to want to get good at networking.

Here’s a very short primer.

What it means

Making and maintaining contacts in your field/industry who could be professionally or socially useful to you (and/or vice versa - never underestimate the value of someone’s goodwill or implicitly owed favor). That’s all it means. Schmoozing for victory, if you will.

Where you do it

Company parties, as well as private parties, miscellaneous social occasions, and any other non-work-related situations where you might run into people you’d want to add on LinkedIn (or your country’s relevant professional online networking site).

Industry events.
Find out what your industry or field’s main conferences or job fairs are. If you can afford a ticket, get one and go; if you can’t, many conferences or events will award limited-attendance tickets in exchange for volunteering for them. For example, my industry’s main shindig is the Game Developers Conference, held annually in San Francisco; tickets are astonishingly pricy (to prevent enthusiastic gamer tourists, I’m guessing), but a little digging around their website leads to volunteering opportunities, scholarships, and even a pass lottery for low-income participants. Use your Google-fu fiercely!

Networking events.
Meetup groups, Facebook groups, LinkedIn groups, Twitter lists - there are a lot of groups aimed at putting professionals in the same room to meet each other. Here are some other places to start looking for events in your area: https://jobmob.co.il/blog/networking-events-tools/

How to start: icebreakers

9 times out of 10, starting a conversation is as easy as going up to a stranger and doing one of the following:

  • giving them a sincere compliment on something they have chosen - not, in other words, on their eyes or height or skin or face, but on a piece of clothing or an accessory, the presentation they just gave, something they wrote that you read, etc.
  • asking what they do for a living, or study, nodding seriously at whatever they answer, and saying something that riffs on the theme of “that must be really difficult at times”
  • giving them a smile, introducing yourself and getting their name and company or job title, and then saying something about your work as it relates to other people.
    “You work for [company x]? Cool; how do you guys deal with [aspect of industry]?”
    “I’ve been working with [tool/method/piece of software] a lot these days; have you gotten your hands on it/has it been inflicted on you, too?”
    “I’m really interested in [aspect of industry] these days, since I read an article about it [online/in industry journal/on Wikipedia]; have you done any work with it?”
    This establishes your bona fides while encouraging them to talk about themselves or their work before you go into yours.

To elaborate on that last one: when you start off with something like “I’m a [job title] and I’m really hoping to break into [field]/make local contacts/other personal goal”, it’s off-putting to your listener. You’ve buttonholed them to talk about yourself, plus made them feel like they’re just a means to an end.

In social situations, perception is more important than facts during first impressions. You may in fact be there to talk yourself up or get something from them, but if you let them know that right off you’ll never get that possibility for a favorable first impression back. 

On that note, it goes without saying that you should never start a conversation with a racist, sexist, other -ist, or tasteless joke or statement. Avoid beginning a conversation with a joke at all unless this is strictly a party situation, and even then, keep the joke as light in topic as possible, and have confidence in your delivery of it: you should have told this joke successfully before.

Notes for the socially anxious

Negative statements - stating that you hate crowds or small talk, are uncomfortable, dislike a particular person or thing, or whatever - can be appropriate for later in the conversation, but very rarely make for good icebreakers. 

You may think you’re being adorkable, or cool and cynical and dismissive, but the person you’ve approached may love the person or thing you just said you hated, or you may otherwise inadvertently have offended them.
People who are comfortable with small talk, for example, will react poorly to hints that small talk is stupid or useless, or grand statements like “I’d much rather discuss the state of the world/our ~hopes and dreams~~/politics/[other heavy-duty thing] than stand around making small talk, right??”
People who hate crowds too may think you picked them out to speak to because they’re visibly uncomfortable and you’re taking pity on them - or because you’re a fellow wallflower and their social camouflage has failed. 

So stick to positive or neutral statements to break the ice.

However, once you’ve (for example) learned where they got the top you admired, or chatted about their work as an engineer for five minutes, THEN saying something like “you know, I always feel really awkward at these sorts of things” can be a very appealing show of vulnerability, or “ugh, I hate the song they just started playing” can become a shared opinion or low-stakes point of contention that can move your conversation along.

Your goal

Have a professional contact for yourself (no personal email, goofy sig, unprofessional photo, or silly nickname fields) in your phone that can easily be bumped or sent to others. 

And have business cards made, if you don’t already have company-issued ones; even in high-tech industries, they’re still used. Fancy custom ones are great, and can be fun to design, but run your idea past at least 3 people of varying ages (what looks awesome to you and your classmate may read as ridiculous to your professor or boss, and it’s good to catch that stuff early)! If you can’t afford fancy custom cards, go for the simplest possible: black ink on a white or off-white background, no graphics or borders, ample spacing, a plain and legible font. There is class in simplicity, and no-one judges early-career people for having straightforward cards.

Make sure your card includes your name, a phone number, email, job title or a clear and SHORT indication of what you can do or want to do (”Web Design”, “Concept Artist”, “localization expert”, “administrative assistance and research”, etc), and any relevant social media (twitter handle IF you tweet about industry stuff, LinkedIn profile, etc). 

What you’re aiming for is a short, preferably interesting conversation with your new acquaintance that establishes what you both do, helps you stick out in their mind a little (a mild personal detail or two helps with this, but don’t over-share! No-one wants to know about a stranger’s ex, or their cat’s medical issues, or that they’re estranged from their father; save that for your friends), and ends with an exchange of contact information, if it looks like you have professional interests in common. 

My go-to method is that, as the conversation is winding down - or if I see someone I’ve been hoping to meet, or if I’m now bored stiff, or if they have started looking twitchy and I don’t want to overstay my welcome, whatever - I say something like “it’s been really great to meet you! I hope we run into each other again at one of these things / I’d love to chat more about [industry topic you spoke of earlier] / I should put you in touch with my colleague X, as they know all about [industry topic you spoke of earlier]… In fact, let me just give you my info, so that we can keep in touch. Do you prefer digital or hardcopy?” 

If they have a card to give you back, great; if not, don’t worry about it. Just smile, say goodbye, and move on. If you don’t hear back from them, don’t worry about it either - networking is as much about quantity as quality.


There you go!

Go forth, and network mightily!

ALSO, whenever you talk about other people at these events, focus on other people who you respect and like. This doesn’t mean that you need to lie and say nice things about people who are truly bad, but if you’re talking about - say - artists, make sure to mention the good artists you know and not the terrible artists you know, and don’t go out of your way to mention those good artists’ flaws. People assume that the way you talk about people will be the way you talk about them. And talking up others will help you build a reputation as someone who has a good network - which, somewhat recursively, is a really good feature to advertise about yourself when networking!

Really good points! I made that mistake myself, recently - I didn’t use any names, but I basically used a coworker as an illustrative example of what not to do. It didn’t go down well; I was aiming for anecdotal and came off as bitchy. Much safer, and nicer in the long run, to stay positive!


And, a final note on business cards that I forgot to include above: MAKE SURE THEY HAVE AT LEAST ONE SIDE YOU CAN WRITE ON. Also, standard size is always better than a custom size or square one or whatever. You are shooting for memorable and landing on “annoying to carry around”.

Relatedly, as soon as you have a few spare minutes after one or more business card exchanges, make notes on each card. Remind Future You who this person is, where you met them, any identifying details as aide-mémoires, and a word or two about what you talked about. That way, if/when you want to get back in touch, you’ll be able to remind them who you are, too, and start off communication well. 

(Or, if they were truly terrible, when you receive an email from them, you can look them up and see your note of NO NO OH GOD NO! and realize that maybe you don’t want to be part of their project/database/upcoming mixer.)

25 Apr 15:29

tumboner: leoreturns: I have been waiting all year to post...

Suko

Heh



tumboner:

leoreturns:

I have been waiting all year to post this.

omg

25 Apr 14:41

laughterkey: lemonsharks: yemite: sarah531: The other day I had a really good idea for a story: A...

Suko

Oh my god I think I need to make this a LARP. "To Thine Own Self Be True"

laughterkey:

lemonsharks:

yemite:

sarah531:

The other day I had a really good idea for a story:

A high school Shakespeare club angrily splits into two groups when they can’t agree on the correct interpretation of Romeo and Juliet. One group thinks it’s a cautionary tale about the stupidity of youth and shallow lust; the other group think it’s a beautiful tragedy about poisonous hatred conquered by love. Reconciliation seems impossible-

-then a person from one group falls in love with a person from the other

#it would be better if somehow EVERY OTHER SHAKESPEARE WAS HAPPENING AT ONCE#like you got a benedict and beatice b-story#and then somebody see’s their dad’s ghost#and there’s cross-dressing#and three upperclassmen tell macbeth he will be drama club president

oh my god I need this

nobody dies but SEVEN PEOPLE ARE EXPELLED

Exit stage left, pursued by the school mascot

When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in - hold up I have study hall that period