I love Gears of War. As odd of a comparison as it is to make, it’s always fallen into the same safe space as another favourite of mine: The Legend of Zelda.
While it’s fair to think I’m a lunatic for bringing two vastly different experiences up to start this review, it all comes down to evolution and execution.
When Nintendo announced it was essentially starting again with the Zelda format I was excited and slightly afraid. I would’ve been happy sticking to the ‘find dungeon, get weapon, use weapon to get to the next dungeon’ structure until I was dead, and the thought of change didn’t overly excite me. Low and behold, as great as Breath of the Wild is, it’ll never hold a candle to my affections for what came before it. In short, I’m old. Don’t screw with my expectations.
This was my worry when it came to Gears 5, a step forward for the franchise that’s so determined to let you know it wants to do something different, it’s even done away with ‘of War’ in its title. It’s clear just by looking at it we’re not going to be doing anything too drastic – COGs aren’t all of a sudden going to be haggling over house furniture with a capitalist-obsessed racoon – but The Coalition has made it part of its marketing strategy to welcome old fans back with open arms, while also encouraging new faces to join the party because events have moved on. Thankfully this time around my apprehension was unfounded as this balance has been handled wonderfully.
The obvious first. For my money, Gears still offers the best shooting mechanics in any series, even though it’s 2019 and the original title came out 13 years ago. There’s a reason those involved haven’t felt the need to change the ‘pop ‘n’ stop’ cover approach, and it’s still beyond rewarding to slam into a wall, take a few enemies out with a Lancer before making the rest explode with a well-time frag grenade. The action is over the top and ludicrous with the word ‘subtle’ being banned from proceedings at all times. Death is loud.
It’s a familiar feeling that will be with you when you start the campaign until Gears 5 slowly peels back its layers to prove that it’s more than just a one trick pony. The biggest of these comes with the map which has now been expanded. You have an environment to navigate now, and within these optional pathways are smaller bits of content that help pad out the story and context. You can indulge with them as much as you want, but their addition has allowed the brains behind the madness to think outside the box.
For example, we’ve all forgotten that when Marcus Fenix and his angry friends marched onto the scene back in 2006, they had to deal with some scenarios which were undoubtedly scary. No one would call Gears of War a horror game but it wasn’t far off, and anyone who does venture off the beaten track will be rewarded with little nuggets like this that remind you of simpler times. No one was calling you an asshole on Twitter back then for one.
It’s a small but significant change that proves this is a series that has chosen to mature without losing its heart. That’s not the only tweak either. JACK, for instance, can now be upgraded. While it’s a straightforward process, they’re all additions that grow on you as you progress. Gears is still at its best when you’re armed with a weapon and hurled into a combat zone of stupid proportions, but the pacing and flashes of what’s new justify it returning for one more round. Any worries this was just going to be an extension of Gears 4 are extinguished early on.
This is also true when we bring in our heroes. Gears has struggled since saying goodbye to the original Delta Squad because they were so damn likeable, but Kait is the first since then to give them a run for their money. Offering a far more personal story than what you may be used to, the character development from start to finish deserves a lot of credit, even more so because it’s not what many assume the franchise would serve up.
I stand by the fact the emotional moments in the original trilogy were harshly treated, but Kait’s growth is a highlight and makes the narrative far more interesting. If it was crucial that the development team raised the bar when it came to the gameplay, the same was true for the bits and pieces that tie it together – and here they knock it out of the park. For the first time since Gears of War 3, I’m intrigued to see where the story goes next.
It’s a strong campaign, then, and one made better when you play with friends – as is always the way – and the suite of features that accompany it will likely keep you busy for some time. Horde Mode is back and still not even threatening to get old, a fact that’s pushed further as you can now give abilities and skills to each character. It’s quite obvious this is a direct inspiration from the many hero shooters still dominating the market, but it also means you can now see through walls. Who doesn’t want to see through walls?
On top of this there’s also Escape which could take over as the reason you keep coming back. Asking you to run away from a poisonous gas known as Venom, you’ve got to ‘escape’ your surroundings as fast as possible, staying out the way of said gas as well as battling enemies and who knows what else. When you hear that you can also create your own maps for others to play – and my word can you make them hard – we have the clichéd icing on the cake.
Throw in multiplayer and the usual bells and whistles that come with Gears, and it’s just another solid step for a series that this time around has dared to dream a little. It never separates itself from what brought it to the dance to begin with, but the niche changes are enough to make it feel as though we’ve moved on a touch and that’s enough.
Those who had already made up their mind were never going to be convinced anyway, allowing the latest entry to do everything possible to cater to a loyal fan base without insulting them by just re-releasing Gears 4. With that said, it also opens the door far enough to let fresh light shine in. It’s like welcoming home an old friend only to find they have a new haircut that looks better the more you see of it.
Which means, yes, if I were going to score it, I’d give it Hair/10. Gosh, I miss hair. Thanks for reading…
Review copy provided by the publisher. Version tested: Xbox One.
We must all remain vigilant when it comes to the influence of The Dark Lord, Satan. This is why we have preachers—spiritual guides who see what we cannot, pointing out the evil that infiltrates our popular culture through, uh, heavy metal album covers, the Harry Potter books, and Wonder Showzen, a TV show definitely…
joe burrow slams his head into the wall before each game? did he learn how to play football from the fucking movies?
Game Day is in Austin, and this one has us all tingly...
The new season is in full swing and yet, as always, some things never change. Maryland has Benjamin Buttoned the CFB season yet again, dragging what we thought was a wrinkly old corpse onto the field and dropping peak Brad Pitt dimples on the poor Howard Bisons to extinction-level effect. We should have warned them - never get involved in a land war in Asia and never play Maryland week 1. Would that it were so simple.
But we’re fully ALIGNED and 1-0, and this isn’t Rivalry Week, so let’s dispatch with the Testudo Terror and it’s annual visit to drop a deuce on my medulla oblongata amygdala. No, this is ‘We are not afraid and have no problems scheduling SEC powerhouses’ Week, aka ‘LSU week’ aka “The Ryan Perriloux Bowl” for short. College Gameday is in Austin and the matchup has a tighter grip on the collective CFB consciousness than Ossai had on the ball during his sublime pick six last weekend. There’s no lack of topics to cover. We have K’Lavon Chaisson, who flip-flops more than a British MP, helping personally wallpaper the UT locker room. The ‘get-in’ price has surpassed a round trip ticket from Austin to ACTUAL Orléans in France. Reports are surfacing that Coach O employs no less than three personal translators - one for grumbles, one for physical gestures, and a third to break down what it all means (please check the thread, below).
What's your favorite sports rivalry? Mine is Ed Orgeron vs. the closed captioning on YouTube. pic.twitter.com/bEkGcI8yfm
Sometimes to understand the present you must look to the past. The last time Texas played LSU, the coaching staff was:
Boom, Nick, adult named Jimbo
Does this mean Ed Orgeron will succeed Saban in Tuscaloosa? Dave Aranda will lose to Mack Brown under the looming specter of a literal hurricane? That Joe BradySteve Ensminger will join a cult in the middle of nowhere? You can let us know how Vegas sets the line on those three. But also in the past is Roy Williams racking up 40 yards per touch, TDs from Cedric Benson, and the guy who played Ivory Christian in the Friday Night Lights movie recovering 2 fumbles, one he took to the house.
This is an entirely different era in 2019 -- LSU was hit with some flack in the offseason for lavish locker room upgrades while the school, and state itself, remain more cash strapped than an Aggie Booster after the monthly Jimbo check auto-withdraws. In fact, the Louisiana budget might be in worse shape than our running back room, and that’s saying something. Our RB room is so beat up:
The Walking Dead won’t even let them zombie cameo.
May even be time to call Bijan Robinson up from the U-18s.
Does Ramonce Taylor still have any eligibility?
It’s going to be a slug fest Saturday night and the nation will be watching. DKR will be bursting at the seams with fans and potential croots. Pens will be dripping with the ink of conference narratives waiting to be written. It’s the closest to auto-erotic asphyxiation Kirk (Kurt?) Bohls will have been since 2010. In one fell swoop, the Horns have a chance to silence both the Disinterested Georgia and Simple Sam campaigns. Here’s to hoping that Ingram can channel the dreadlocked greats of UT past; that Sam can yet again manifest sheer willpower into touchdowns; that the next generation of DBU can come of age; that Malcolm Roach gets Charlie Brewer levels of petty bump from his hometown team not offering. We’ll need it all.
Hook ‘em.
Better Know a Roster
Speaking of that uber-talented team from Baton Rouge, even Google has taken to mocking them with an EA-Sports-created-player photo for “Heisman after 1-week” QB Burrow while showing a picture of back-up Myles Brennan that looks like a young Steve Spurrier crossed with Trump family hair. Also Kardell Thomas is a big boy, I’ll leave it at that in case he reads this.
Joe Burrow (QB, Sr.) - Burrow is no joke described in his official LSU bio as a “Gritty competitor that isn’t fazed by a big hit … Has the toughness and mindset of an offensive lineman” -- which are fascinating ways of saying “white.”
A little known fact is that Joe’s dad coached all over the Soybelt (Iowa, Minnesota, Nebraska, North Dakota) and named his son’s middle name after the product. Joe Soy Burrow, which when pronounced in spanish, roughly translates to “I am a donkey.”
Micah Baskerville (LB, So.) - “Baker Mayfield”, except auto generated by EA NCAA Football circa 2003 in an attempt to circumvent likeness issues. Hound of the Baskervilles, indeed.
Austin Deculus (OL, Jr.) - This may be the most re-deculus anagram name you’ll find all season. He gives you:
Luau Disc Tunes (see Eli’s section below)
Usual Tic Nudes
Cue unsaid slut
Adieu Sun Cults
Us uncut ladies
Lunatic sued us
Unusual Edicts
and his aol instant messenger screen name: I, USA Stud Uncle.
Lanard Fournette (RB, Sr.) - No way! If the Jaguars running back can suit up with a fake name, than Rijan Bobinson and Malcomb Brown can both ad some depth for Texas.
Badara Traore (OT, Sr.) - If you say this name with the right inflection it sounds like a delicious Southern Italian pasta dish as pronounced by Giada when she’s feeling all ethnic and saucy.
Evan Francioni (WR, Fr.) - Evan “Yeah lemme call my uncle Dennis, we can probably take his boat up to Havisu for Spring Break if my family doesn’t go to PV again” Francioni.
Damien Lewis (OG, Sr.) - People will point to his work in Billions and Homeland as Lewis at the peak of his powers, but if you can make it through Band of Brothers without him making you feel Dick Winters should have been our president then you have no taste.
Lloyd Cushenberry III (C, Jr.) - Once he hangs up the cleats, he’ll dawn the apron passed down through generations and run the family’s berry-jam canning business.
Michael Divinity Jr. (OLB, Sr.) - Gawd, Criss Angel. We get it. You TOTALLY aren’t a student in Louisiana now. ;) ;)
Cade Comeaux (DB, Fr.) - You know what they say about a gathering of Cade’s relatives, “Come one, Comeaux.”
Dare Rosenthal (OT, Fr.), - There is a long, if overlooked Jewish influence in LA, mainly in NoLa. One Tulane student years ago told me the state’s premier academic institution was known colloquially as “Jewlane” and that there is a recipe for oysters mock-a-feller using gefilte fish. I guess that’s how you get to be 6’8, 320. I DARE you to say anything to him.
Zach Von Rosenberg (P, Jr.) - Equally of the tribe, Zach was a punter for Zachary HS in Zachary, LA...
Racey McMath (WR, Jr.) New Orleans, La. (Edna Karr HS) - This guy sounds like an X-Rated arithmetic-themed breakfast sandwich from McDonalds. And I’m saying that with all due respect. All-time name.
Thomas McGoey (WR, Fr.) - from E.D. White Catholic HS in Thibodaux...but honestly being White Catholic and named Thomas McGoey are kind of redundant.
Brandon Hubicz (TE, Fr.) - God I hope he self-edits the Lizzo line: “I Just took a DNA test; turns out, I’m a 100% Hubicz.”
Chasen Hines (OG, So.) - I am choosing to believe his last name is pronounced with a hard E (think “high knee” more than the catsup). So that way he’s “Chasen Heinie”
Stephen King (TE, Fr.) - He’s got that “IT” factor written all over him.
Bad College Game Day Sign Ideas
As y’all may or may not have heard hombres, the titans of Gameday de Collegio have a little tradition. A little thing called say-leb-ray-tea pickin’. And pickin’ is how the baby cabrito becomes the big bad goat. So the MoC will be P-I-C-K-in the Horns and prophesizing other sundries, but it behooves of me to ask you a simple favor. Come bearing your soul on colorful pieces of posterboard kemosabes. It’s the dia del game for the orange!
Prof McConaughey’s grading scale: Alright x3, Alright x2, Just Alright, Ghost of girlfriends (barely) passed, Failure to Launch.
Ed Orgeron looks like Fred Flintsone’s long-lost cousin...Ed Flintsteauxne. -- “Yabba Dabba Deaux”
Please feel free to incorporate any of these Ed O photos provided in this gallery, and don’t hesitate to shout out the Texas Pregamer in your works.
(Slide to view gallery)
Now! That’s What I Call Moo-zik -- Vol. 2
Wow, the outpouring of support for last week’s playlist has been absolutely mindblowing. It seems you all are the strong, silent type but I can appreciate that! Thank you all for the encouragement. My probationary period is still in effect, but I’m hopeful these songs keep the hype train on the tracks and I can come back next week with some fire Rice tunes.
“Callin’ Baton Rouge”, Garth Brooks. Garth Brooks won’t put his music on Spotify so consider this a workaround. The student section at Death Valley goes wild for Garth’s 1993 hit. It’s absolutely electric down there and it’s got us stoked for a visit next year. Love a passionate student section. Love how committed ours is, too.
“Louisiana Saturday Night”, Mel McDaniel. Welllll you get down the fiddle and you get down the bow, another pick six on that Boy Burrow. Dancing in the endzone ‘til the morning light, Texas, Texas Fight. (REMIXXXXXX)
“I Miss You”, Blink 182. Based off our near inconceivable running back woes, this one could go out to Kyle, Toneil, Tristian, Derrian, Danny, Jordan, OR Jarrett. But this one has long been the song that comes to mind when I think of Kirk Johnson. My biggest hope going into the season is that we’d get one play with a package that somehow features the brothers Ehlinger AND Johnson on the field. I’m not ruling that out yet. We’re hurting, but we’ll come through this stronger. Which is what I told myself the last time this song made a playlist of mine back in ‘04. 7th grade was rough.
“I’ll Stand By You”, The Pretenders. With those injuries in place, seeing Roschon and David step up and embrace the “whatever it takes” mindset has been inspiring. I’d like to imagine this song playing over a montage of footage of those selfless ballers walking into the running back room and joining Keaontay. It makes my heart feel better. But if Roschon has to run it, I’m not even in the least bit worried.
“God Only Knows”, The Beach Boys. Before he enjoyed a dominant run as the eccentric closer for the San Francisco Giants, but only after he made an experimental and groundbreaking album for the Beach Boys, Brian Wilson attended LSU on a baseball scholarship. It’s truly remarkable how-- we have received word that these might not be the same person.
“Paper Tiger”, Spoon. Austin’s iconic alt-rock band hit the nail on the head with this 2002 deep cut, stating “A paper tiger can’t tell you where he stenoughands.” As it were, Britt Daniel’s lyrics accurately explain the meaning of the phrase “Paper Tiger”, which draws its origin from the Chinese phrase “zhilaohu”, roughly translating to “K’Lavon Chaisson.”
“Good”, Better Than Ezra. These boys from Baton Rouge write their songs all wrong. You can’t have your number one song named “Good” and your name be “Better Than Ezra.” Read it all on one line. It creates this scenarios where being “good” is “better” than Ezra’s performance. They shoulda called it “Perfect.” Settling for good ain’t good , boys.
“Blue Eyed Angels”, Rob Baird. Longhorn City Limits is going to be rocking before kickoff. Rob Baird opening up for Midland is a helluva show anywhere, but before a Texas game it’s just beautiful. Love this track from Baird’s 2010 debut album of the same name. He’s exceptional.
“More Than A Fever”, Midland. They’re not the most conventional country act on the scene, but given how unconventional modern country got there for a decade, that’s not a bad thing. These dudes are a part of a new wave that’s bringing some much needed genuine sound and musical chops to the genre. It’ll be a great show.
“From Louisiana”, Louisiana Ca$h.They call it that boot. We call it that boot whupping. Horn’s up.
Sam’s Fall Inspo Board
Mood board
Predictions
Kyle Carpenter: I can’t believe intern Eli skipped the glaringly obvious Coach O as Bip Bippadotta (of Mahna Mahna fame) for his little mixtape. Let’s hope LSU forgets to crunch tape on the last time Keaontay Ingram was tasked in the workhorse role (putting up 5,000 yards at Carthage). Horns by a TD.
VY Pump Fake: Texas playing well kicks the SEC propaganda machine into high gear. Texas by one ‘looking ahead to their unparalleled conference slate” excuse. It just means more.
EPerezATX: Genuinely excited to see how LSU’s spread stacks up against Texas’ Cowboy package. It’ll be a good test to gauge the longevity of the attack before Big 12 play. Texas 45, LSU 35.
Parting Shot
College football coaches can spend their offseasons however they please. For instance. Coach Brown clearly took up dance lessons (maybe from these LSU fans):
Forget stats and tape, let’s see if Texas fans can answer the real questions LSU fans have
We’re only two days away from the showdown in Austin between LSU and Texas. Yesterday Zach shared some thoughts on the game from Burnt Orange Nation’s Gerald Goodridge. After discussing the boring numbers and analytics stuff, Gerald was kind enough to give his take on the things LSU fans REALLY want to know about.
1. There’s a lot of talk by both LSU and Texas about both schools being “DBU.” Can you explain to me how Texas can be Defensive Back University when a defensive back hasn’t played for a Big 12 team since 2011?
I‘m not one to argue, but I’d like to ask former LSU commit, and reigning Big 12 Freshman of the Year, Caden Sterns about the lack of defensive backs playing at the University of Texas. I think the misconception on the lack of defensive backs actually is a cultural barrier between the SEC and the Big 12, as the Big 12 boasts these other players called “competent quarterbacks” that are rare, but not completely foreign in the SEC.
2. Does beefing with LSU fans bother Texas fans because it makes them feel like Aggies?
In order for Texas fans to feel like Aggies it would take a clearly better team losing to the younger brother of an all-time great in the final meeting ever on their home field.
3. Are Longhorns and Aggies already arguing about who trash-talks LSU better?
I haven’t experienced that, but I also think it’s different types of trash talk. The Texas trash talk feels more like “we see you as equals” where the Aggies feels more like “Hey! Remember that time where the referees helped us win a game? Do you also remember when we lost to the eventual national champion by the smallest margin of anyone all year while they were playing a guy who eventually transferred because he got beat out?”
4. Do Texas fans know what Sam Ehlinger did to make everyone outside Austin say he’s not that good?
It could be the 308 pass attempts without an interception. It could be his performance the sixth player in the last 20 years to pass for 20 TDs and rushing for 15 in the same season. Not sure.
5. Matthew McConaughey was recently hired to be a film professor at UT. Will the class be studying actual films, or will they just re-watch the 2005 Rose Bowl on repeat?
Now there’s where you and I can agree Kimosabe. Time is a flat circle, so what you see as a 15-year-old game, I see as an event that will inevitably lead Texas to its next National Championship. That DVD is really just vector device. By studying the past, we are able to tap into the essence of personhood and learn from the story in our DNA. The best thing about that game is that Vince continues to get older, but the memories stay the same age.
Also I hope they watch Frailty. Underrated McConaughey flick.
i had honestly completely forgotten about the lsu-almost-hire thing for tom herman. apparently lsu did not forget. what a weird thing to be motivated by.
Photo by Andy Altenburger/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images
Tigers head west for the program’s biggest home-and-home series in a long time.
Smoking Georgia Southern was all well and good, but LSU takes a a pretty big step up this week in traveling to take on 10th-ranked Texas in Austin.
You’d think a top-10 match-up in week two would have enough on its own but this one brings a bit of a #narrative overload. Is Texas back? Is LSU ready to push for a playoff spot? BIG TWELVE OFFENSE VERSUS ESS EE SEE DEFENSE. Ed Orgeron taking on the coach that was the first choice for his job. Tom Herman versus the school he spurned in November of 2016.
For a refresher of how things worked out: LSU had discussions with then-Houston head coach Tom Herman late in November of 2016, and was prepared to offer him the job. Call it a deal in principle. The night of LSU’s blowout win over Texas A&M, and the night before Houston’s season finale against Memphis, a series of media links were tantamount to a giant “HEY TEXAS, MOVE IT OR LOSE IT” signal fire, lit by Herman’s representation through Texas media intermediaries. Shortly after Texas finally fired then-head coach Charlie Strong, Herman blew off an interview with LSU to meet with Texas. The program moved on to Orgeron, and the rest is history. Ross Dellenger wrote a very extensive piece in SI earlier this week that matches up with everything I’ve heard regarding the search.
If the idea of LSU’s current coach facing his would-be usurper weren’t enough — don’t forget how huffy Herman got because Orgeron boxed him out of satellite camps in Louisiana a few years back — you have the general idea of the Big-12/SEC antithesis. Do Big-12 defenses only look horrible because they face Big-12 offenses? Do SEC defenses only look good because of SEC offenses? Might there just be some truth in the middle? Who knows.
And of course, there’s the fact that LSU is going for its first every road win over a top-10 out-of-conference opponent. You’d think just having two top-10, national name programs in an intersectional showdown might be enough.
What To Watch For On Saturday
Nibbles
Offensively, Texas returns the guts of a top-30 offense that was pretty damn successful last season. They converted 46.3 percent of their first downs and averaged 31 points a game, but at just 5.5 yards per play, which matches LSU’s 2018 average. They were also a good 20 spots behind LSU in ISOppp, the advanced stats measure for explosive plays — just 15 of 10 or more yards in 2018, two fewer than a Tiger offense most don’t want to write home about.
The Longhorns might’ve struggled to stretch the field in Herman’s second year, but they became incredibly efficient — using the short passing game to stay ahead of the chains and keep third downs manageable and short. Where a spread offense with an athletic, hard-running quarterback is very hard to stop.
It’s a game plan that Sam Ehlinger executes very well. He’s not great at throwing it down the field, so Herman doesn’t ask. They rely on the short, quick throws on early downs where the defense is more likely to be in man coverage with an extra safety in the box, then spread the field and use the offenses’ numbers in the running game for short-yardage. Functionally, it worked a lot like what LSU saw from Mississippi State with Nick Fitzgerald, although Ehlinger is a much better passer.
The Horns showed more of the same against Louisiana Tech in the season opener. Screens, quick hitches and shallow crossing routes on early downs, and then a power-read or some other type of designed QB run on third down and three, where those plays are very hard to shut down. Ehlinger’s a hard runner with some quickness in the short area. If you don’t stop him short of the line of scrimmage, chances are his momentum is going to carry him forward for a few.
Factor in a quick tempo and it’s a snowball offense that can really lean on an opponent. Ten and twelve-play drives will really compound for a defense if the offense isn’t matching the point total. An offense that can light you up down the field is exciting, but one that can slowly frustrate you is just as tough to deal with.
So for Dave Aranda and the Tiger defense, the emphasis will revolve around trying to play down hill early on. Squat on the short routes and bring numbers to the running game to try and challenge Ehlinger to throw down the field. Texas does have some very big, very athletic targets for him — probably the best overall group LSU will see until Alabama.
And honestly, Texas’ game plan will likely mirror this approach for Joe Burrow. The defense that can force third-and-long situations and take the opposing quarterback out of his comfort zone will have an edge. Likewise, the offense that stays on schedule will have its own advantage.
Mirror Images
Defensively, these teams are remarkably similar, both running out of a 3-4 base with heavy use of the tite front. According to multiple reports, Herman has been working with former California Lutheran classmate Dave Aranda for years, but couldn’t get him to come on the Houston staff in 2015. Todd Orlando’s done a relatively solid job in his stead, with a similar focus on an active front with lots of bluffed movements and simulated pressures. Versus Louisiana Tech, Texas was very aggressive in long-yardage situations, bringing five or more on occasion, usually with a delayed rusher to try and clean up a scramble.
Don’t be surprised if we see him do the opposite in some third-and-medium passing situations, flooding the zone similarly to how Georgia Southern did last week. Either Burrow will have to find a way to squeeze a throw or scramble. LSU’s going to need to find ways to clear space with better route concepts.
With both quarterbacks having ample mobility, keeping a disciplined rush will be key to try and keep Ehlinger or Burrow from extending plays scrambling for the first. Texas’ offensive line is a little more inexperienced, so Aranda’s ability to mess with protections and create free rushers could pay off. That’s also another area where Texas’ injury problems at running back could create an advantage.
Gravity
I’ve got a lot more confidence in LSU’s defense here, but that doesn’t mean we want to see this game solely in their hands. The thing about uptempo offense — and this applies to both teams — is that you can see something of a snowball effect. The kind of game that gets out-of-hand on the scoreboard quickly, even if it doesn’t feel like a lot has happened yet.
As previously discussed, Texas’ efficiency allows them to almost add something of a ground-and-pound element to their offense. They can run up the play count really quickly, and without a ton of big plays, that means that even at a faster tempo, scoring will take a while and eat the clock.
But based on what we saw last week, that same principle can apply to LSU’s offense. We rarely saw the Tigers stretch the field throwing — and 16 of Burrow’s 27 throws from last week were 10 yards or less — so both of these offenses will look to stay in their comfort zones.
Which could mean that one team or the other could build, or lose, a 14-17 point lead very quickly, based on which offense is clicking at what times.
A lot has been made of the whole “Tom Herman as an underdog” narrative this week. And while those numbers are impressive, if he does his job well at Texas the program won’t be an underdog very often. So how much value is there?
That said, he’ll be ready to go all out for this one. Look for something big early on to try and swing momentum. Maybe an onside kick or a gadget play, something to try and bring the home crowd into it and knock LSU on its heels. The players and coaches will have to be ready for it, and be ready to counter-punch.
The Tigers’ advantage at the line of scrimmage may be enough to take Ehlinger, and Texas, out of their comfort zone. But Burrow and the offense have to be ready to take advantage of that edge. Create a lead that will make the Longhorns have to press that much more, and that advantage will compound itself.
after reading this article, it makes me feel like... if this "rivalry" is ever rekindled it will be the biggest fucking thing in all of college football for unexplainable reasons.
i, for one, after much thought, and about five beers, don't buy the "college football is better when it happens" hype. i think it was never a legitimate rivalry to begin with and it's all in the aggies' heads. i don't think anyone outside of texas cares and i think our real rival is still intact. also, fuck the fucking aggies.
The SEC West has a chance to show it's more than just Alabama when No. 6 LSU travels to No. 9 Texas and No. 12 Texas A&M visits to No. 1 Clemson in Week 2.
Adult Swim is getting ready to unleash “Primal”, a half-hour animated series from Emmy-winning “Samurai Jack” and “Dexter’s Laboratory” creator Genndy Tartakovsky. The full trailer has arrived today, jam-packed with primordial mayhem and bloodshed. Enjoy!
The 5-night premiere event starts Monday, October 7th.
“Primal” features a caveman at the dawn of evolution. A dinosaur on the brink of extinction. Bonded by tragedy, this unlikely friendship becomes the only hope of survival in a violent, primordial world.
Tartakovsky also directed “Star Wars: Clone Wars” and all three Hotel Transylvania films.
also, damn. i didn't realize the theatrical release was already 147 minutes long.
it's playing at village drafthouse this weekend, so i might check this out.
With a runtime of two hours and 27 minutes and a few rather gruesome scenes, Midsommar is already a viscerally challenging cinematic experience. Director Ari Aster has been talking up an extended, unrated version of his Hereditary follow-up ever since it hit theaters in July, and despite a recent screening of the…
this disgusting shitbag drug behind him a trail of controversy, for all the wrong reasons, and was being lambasted by espn on the regular. the dude "retires" so we can start forgetting about what a huge piece of shit he is and espn goes and finds reasons to trot his name out in a fluff piece headline. this is garbage.
His new office is a lot smaller, he is learning about the rowing team and he's trying to take it easier -- and avoid Ohio Stadium -- all at the same time.
Although it’s fallen on some very hard times in more recent years (more about that in a second), Death Row Records was once one of the seminal labels in the world of West Coast hip-hop, introducing millions to the work of Dr. Dre, Tupac, Snoop Dogg, and many more. It would not be an exaggeration to say that the…
didn't even know this was a thing, but this is the second positive review i've ready (out of two reviews) in as many days. apparently, it doesn't even have a release date yet.
Streets of Rage 4's announcement landed with a bit of a thud. The original trilogy of Genesis games is beloved, and for many remains the benchmark for the genre. It's now been 15 years since Streets of Rage 3, and a teaser trailer for a new game showing a cast of hand-drawn characters against some decidedly modern music looked more like a Saturday morning cartoon than a faithful new chapter. While many were excited for the return, a vocal group voiced their concerns.
If, as Wallace Stegner famously declared, the national parks are “America’s best idea,” how can we explore this idea? There is the historical aspect: America invented the concept of nationally owned and operated parks in 1872, when Ulysses S. Grant signed Yellowstone National Park into existence. But there is more to Stegner’s sentiment than just the invention of the parks. The rest of the quote goes on to say that the parks are “Absolutely American, absolutely democratic, they reflect us at our best rather than our worst.”
The national parks story isn’t simple or easy. It’s full of splendor and glory, as well as greed and exploitation. For every person who loves one of the parks like it’s their own home, there is another who resents the federal government for owning it. Even before Yellowstone became the first national park, park history was fraught with tension. Tension between preservation and use, between indigenous people and white explorers, between local rights and federal oversight, between wild freedom and human control, between park purists and park recreationists, and between commercial exploitation and historic value.
With this tense backdrop, or maybe because of it, art, imagery, writing, and design have played a vital role in the history of the national parks. Compelling creative materials that celebrated the land — including books, paintings, performances, and advertisements — have marked developments and milestones. These items have brought the rich landscapes and their scientific and historical significance to life.
Perhaps together, the tension and celebration make the National Park System - parks, monuments, natural areas, historic sites, and more - the perfect embodiment of America itself, and what the “best idea” of the parks is really all about.
they might be giants. but, what this book presupposes is, maybe they're not?
As the U.S. government continues to escalate its draconian, racist, and xenophobic immigration policies (sorry, we’re not really in a mood to mince words about this shit today), it can be easy to let yourself feel overwhelmed and powerless by the casual, wanton cruelty of it all. Sometimes, though, the most you can do…
what's this put us at? 5th nationally? the wins vs a&m are coming in now, too. love it.
Twitter: @JoshuaEaton_1
Texas continues to roll on the recruiting trail with the addition of yet another highly-touted in-state talent.
Tom Herman and his staff have once again reaped the rewards of a recruitment that essentially changed course down the stretch, with Houston Aldine MacArthur cornerback Joshua Eaton becoming the latest example after siding with the Texas Longhorns over the Texas A&M Aggies on Friday.
Eaton named also Florida, Oklahoma, and Alabama as top options in mid-June, though it’s long been expected that the Houston native would remain close to home and ultimately take his talents to Texas or Texas A&M.
To that end, entering the month, the Aggies appeared to be in a fairly ideal position to land Eaton as he neared a decision. The four-star defensive back originally planned to announce his decision on Aug. 6, and had Eaton held firm to that planned decision date, the near consensus was that he’d be calling College Station home after the Aggies captured an early lead from the Longhorns and maintained that momentum throughout much of the summer.
However, as is often the case in recruiting, and as Texas benefitted from just weeks ago with the addition of Bijan Robinson, momentum suddenly seemed to shift, likely thanks in large part to his late July trip to Austin.
Shortly after Eaton postponed his decision, momentum, of course, did shift.
By mid-August, just days after virtually all signs pointed towards College Station, the industry consensus became that Eaton would ultimately don burnt orange, and that belief was only bolstered by the Longhorns outlasting the Aggies and landing Eaton’s close friend and four-star safety Xavion Alford on Aug. 16.
Exactly one week later, the Longhorns have now landed Eaton, providing Texas with another major head-to-head recruiting win over Texas A&M, as well as the third and likely final cornerback piece in the Longhorns’ 2020 class, as The 6’2, 175-pound Eaton joins a pair of four-star prospects in John Tyler standout Kitan Crawford and Winter Park (Fla.) product Ethan Pouncey.
Currently ranked as the nation’s No. 335 player overall and as the No. 28 cornerback, per the 247Sports Composite, Eaton becomes the 18th member of Tom Herman’s 2020 class, which currently sits atop the Big 12.
Immortalized in Nicholas Pileggi’s 1985 true crime book Wiseguy: Life in a Mafia Family, [Henry Hill's] crazy-but-true life of crime was the basis for Martin Scorsese’s 1990 masterpiece Goodfellas in which his character was portrayed by Ray Liotta.
...
[Goodfellas is] pretty much the opposite of My Blue Heaven. Henry Hill isn’t a character, exactly; in Herbert Ross’s comedy, Steve Martin stars as Vincent Antonelli, a slick and charismatic former mobster who moves to suburban San Diego under a new name.
...
Nora Ephron wrote the script based on her own conversations with Hill when he was collaborating with Pileggi on his book. Hill himself describes this in his own memoir, writing:
At night, I’d get half-gassed and call Nick in New York just to bullshit. It was like therapy for me. Sometimes Nick’s wife, Nora, would answer the phone and tell me, “Hey, Nick is sleeping. What’s the matter, Henry? This is Aunt Nora.” Meanwhile, she was picking my brain for a script she was writing. I had no idea. She was on the other end taking notes. She was a piece of work… In 1990, the same year my movie Goodfellas came out, she had a little movie released called My Blue Heaven, starring Steve Martin, about a New Yorker in Witness Protection out west — just like I had been in Omaha. When I saw it I flipped because she used some of the stuff I had told her on the phone for her movie scenes.
...
To watch them back-to-back is a real trip, as you can see the source material so clearly and imagine Pileggi and Ephron’s conversations with Hill (and their own creative imaginations running wild).
shared because everything about this is awesome, most especially that fucking video.
Stoner death metal icons CANNABIS CORPSE will release "Nug So Vile" on November 1 via Season Of Mist. The album was mixed and mastered at Blaze Of Torment Studio by Jarrett Pritchard. The artwork, which was created by Pär Olofsson, and track listing have been revealed and can be found below.
In conjunction with this announcement, CANNABIS CORPSE has premiered the gory, animated music video for the first single, "Cylinders Of Madness". The video, which was created entirely by CANNABIS CORPSE drummer Josh "Hallhammer" Hall, can be seen below.
CANNABIS CORPSE vocalist/bassist Phil "Landphil" Hall comments on the clip: "My brother Hallhammer and I are excited to premiere the animated video for 'Cylinders Of Madness'. This video is Hallhammer's very first foray into animation and marks the starting point for a lot of amazing content in the future. This medium opens up a whole new world of possibilities for insane content for CANNABIS CORPSE! Stay tuned!"
"Nug So Vile" track listing:
01. Conquerors Of Chronageddon (03:15)
02. Nug So Vile (03:08)
03. Blunt Force Domain (03:43)
04. Cylinders Of Madness (02:42)
05. Blasphemy Made Hash (03:40)
06. Cheeba Jigsore Quandary (03:23)
07. Edibles Autopsy (03:14)
08. Dawn Of Weed Possession (03:27)
09. The Cone Is Red (Long Live The Cone) (02:21)
10. The Ultimate Indicantation (03:57)
11. From Enslavement To Hydrobliteration (02:53) (bonus track)
CANNABIS CORPSE's latest strain of weed-metal is another potent dose of bong ripping brutality laced with tasty riffs, vicious drumming, and dank THC. With a title inspired by CRYPTOPSY's seminal album, "Nug So Vile" is a horrifying look into the mind of a hardcore marijuana abuser with the demented fantasies of a reefer addict fully on display. The record is more than just a mere follow up to 2017's "Left Hand Pass", but rather serves as a solid companion piece, seamlessly picking up right where the band left off.
Sharing a passion for marijuana and death metal, brothers Phil "Landphil" Hall (MUNICIPAL WASTE, IRON REAGAN) and Josh "Hallhammer" Hall formed CANNABIS CORPSE in 2006 in Richmond, Virginia as a loving homage to the genre's forefathers. The brothers decided from the start to separate themselves from the pack by infusing a green sense of humor into their horror-inspired lyrics. Meanwhile, it has become a badge of honor for many of the Halls' idols to have one of their titles parodied by the Richmond outfit.
Now, CANNABIS CORPSE has returned as a three-piece and despite slimming the lineup down since "Left Hand Pass", "Nug So Vile" still sounds as full and thick as ever, solidifying its place among death metal's elite.
CANNABIS CORPSE is:
Phil "Landphil" Hall: vocals, bass
Josh "HallHammer" Hall: drums
Adam Gulliams: guitars
Legendary rocker Alice Cooper, who has been a devout Christian for many years, opened up about his faith during a recent interview with pastor and evangelist Greg Laurie.
Having grown up with a father who was a preacher, Cooper has always had religion in his life. But it wasn't until he quit drinking and drugging in the '80s that he dedicated his life to Christ, partly at the urging of his wife, Sheryl.
"Sheryl had gone — she had gone to Chicago and said, 'I can't watch this,'" Alice recalled about the moment when he accepted Jesus into his life. "But the cocaine was speaking a lot louder than her. Finally, I looked in the mirror and it looked like my makeup, but it was blood coming down [from my eyes]. I think — I might have been hallucinating; I don't know. I flushed the rock down the toilet. I woke up and I called her and I said, 'It's done.' And she goes, 'Right. You have to prove it.' One of the deals was we start going to church. I knew who Jesus Christ was, and I was denying him. I knew that there had to either come a point where I either accepted Christ and started living that life, or if I died in this, I was in a lot of trouble. And that's what really motivated me. I just got to a point of saying, 'I'm tired of this life.' And I know that this is right when the Lord opens your eyes and you suddenly realize who you are and who He is."
Cooper admitted that he contemplated changing his name after he came to faith in Christ, but his pastor advised him not to.
"I went to my pastor and I said, 'I think I've gotta quit being Alice Cooper now.' He says, 'Look where he put you. What if you're Alice Cooper, but what if you're now following Christ? And you're a rock star, but you don't live the rock-star life. Your lifestyle is now your testimony.'"
When asked if he was ashamed to say he believed in Jesus Christ, the rock star replied with a confident "no."
"People talk about Alice being a rebel — there was never more of a rebel than Jesus Christ," he said. "You wanna talk about a rebel — he was the ultimate."
The 71-year-old Cooper has been outspoken about his religious awakening for quite some time. In a 2018 interview with New York Daily News, he said: "My wife and I are both Christian. My father was a pastor, my grandfather was an evangelist. I grew up in the church, went as far away as I could from it — almost died — and then came back to the church."
Although he struggled with alcoholism before embracing religion, Alice said that he doesn't have trouble reconciling his shock-heavy musical persona with his religious beliefs. "There’s nothing in Christianity that says I can't be a rock star," he said. "People have a very warped view of Christianity. They think it's all very precise and we never do wrong and we're praying all day and we're right-wing. It has nothing to do with that."
Cooper reportedly attends church regularly and participates in Bible study.
i'm already exhausted and this game isn't even out yet. fuck you kojima.
Death Stranding, the upcoming game from Metal Gear Solid designer Hideo Kojima, has been a source of bafflement for several years now. Its trailers have shown digital versions of actors like Norman Reedus, Léa Seydoux, and Mads Mikkelsen hanging out with babies in weird tubes (and human throats), munching on bugs, and…
JRR Tolkien: The high elves would sing their song lamenting the passing of the age in such circumstances Reader: no JRR Tolkien: and it went Reader: No JRR Tolkien: something, like this
don't worry if you didn't get the numbers you were hoping for on your 'funny' a-levels tweet, many people i know did terrible a-levels tweets but have gone on to amass thousands of followers
these are the alan wake guys, right? kinda interested in this one.
Remedy’s latest title, Control, is out next week which means it’s time to watch the launch trailer.
Control is set in an “ever-changing” world full of strange and unexplained events. In it, you play as Jesse Faden who is trying to stop an otherworldly threat.
In the game, you will use a combination of supernatural abilities, modifiable loadouts and reactive environments in your quest to take on the invading enemy.
Here’s a quick recap of the story:
The Oldest House is a mysterious place of power, the headquarters of the Federal Bureau of Control, a secretive organisation covertly nested within the web of US government agencies.
Jesse Faden arrives searching for answers just as an otherworldly force known as the Hiss attacks and kills the Bureau’s former Director.
In a mysterious ritual, Jesse is made the new Director. Now imbued with supernatural abilities and wielding the Director’s transforming Service Weapon, Jesse must take on the Hiss and take back control.
Also, if you are feeling charitable, publisher 505 Games is hosting aControl launch day stream to raise money for the fabulous St. Jude Children’s Hospital.
The stream will take place Tuesday, Aug. 27 starting at 8am PT (11am ET, 4pm BST) and will run to 4pm PT (7pm ET, 12am BST). To watch or donate hit up this link.
on topic: i'm brewing a hazy session ipa today. is it an ipa? is it a pale ale? is it just part of this new, still-amorphous "hazy" category? who fucking knows!
Our recent podcast about pale ales wasn’t meant to be an act of provocation. Style explorations are a regular feature there, and as styles themselves are not controversial, these episodes tend not to be, either. And of all styles, what could be more anodyne and agreeable than a good ol’ American pale?
The discussion that broke out on Facebook tells a different story, however: the humble pale is going through a transition, and its present and future, which align more and less with its past, are sparking debates.
Pales 1.0
Pale ale ruled American craft brewing for 35 years from its birth in the mid 1970s until 2011, when IPAs finally eclipsed it. The template for that beer emerged from homebrewers like Jack McAullife and Ken Grossman, who would later brew them commercially at little startups—mostly not far from San Francisco’s inspiring little Anchor brewery.
They were essentially English pales made with American Cascade hops and a significant, body-building dose of caramel malt. McAullife’s New Albion brewery died, so the standard-setter became Grossman’s, one of the best-selling American beers for going on 40 years. I don’t know what kind of yeast Jack was using, but Sierra Nevada’s is a very neutral strain that contributes not much in the way of fruity English character. The lack of hard, minerally water, expressive English yeasts, the use of heavy caramel malting, and those citrusy Cascades created enough separation from English pales that they debuted as a distinctively American product—even if Americans of the day had no idea how they deviated from their English inspirations.
That blueprint, with just minor variations, has defined pale ales for decades.
INdia Pale Ales
Americans made beer in the pale ale template until well into the new century. As IPAs started to become more popular in the 90s, brewers did tinker with them a bit, amping up the bitterness, which caused them to increase the caramel malt dosage, but basically the process was the same. Things didn’t start to change until brewers, excited by a new wave of especially potent American hops, tried to squeeze more and more flavor and aroma from them, changing the blueprint for how IPAs should be made. Hop flavor and aroma became the goal, and This led to the myriad techniques of post-boil and dry-hopping that continue to evolve, along with a host of new products to add even more juice.
IPAs supplanted pales and became the plaything for brewer experimentation. For more than a decade, folks have been complaining about the fracturing meaning of IPA as they moved ever further from that original American template, as the __________-IPAs proliferated (black, white, hazy, session, double, etc.).
Meanwhile, pales stayed the same. Thirty-five years later, the hops in pales—once shockingly intense to beer drinkers—now seemed tame and even boring. I mean, come on Grandpa, Cascade hops?
Pales 2.0
One of the more interesting developments in IPA’s constellation was the session IPA, a beer meant to occupy the place of pale, but updated for modern tastes. But a session IPA is not a pale. These beers are made with massive hop loads and have next to no body. Even without much bitterness, they’re so hop-forward they lack balance. Nice as a change of pace but hard to drink exclusively over the course of a session—pale ale’s forte.
Some brewers, and in my experience they’re usually younger folks for whom Sierra Pale was always nostalgic and therefore comfortable and homey, wanted to re-imagine pale ales for modern times. Something different from session IPAs. They quietly updated pale ales by pulling back the caramel load (but left some in as a key flavor note), swapping out the Cascade and Centennial for newer varieties, but kept the intensity down to a manageable, sessionable level. Same, but different.
Then there is a competing new-style pale in a category that may be shearing off from the mothership. Hazy beers, once a type of IPA, are becoming standalone presentations: they’re not hazy IPAs, they’re just hazies. An emerging standard in the hazy range is the pale ale. Because hazies are already thick and sweet, hazy pales have a base similar to 1.0 pales—but entirely without caramel malt. They tend to push the upper limit for hop intensity, but in the best examples, they are lushly hoppy without being unbalanced. Where the updated “juicier” pales keep a hand firmly on the tradition, hazy pales do not.
Whither “Pale Ale”
We find ourselves here. Order a “pale ale” sight unseen, and you might receive something that tastes like Sierra Nevada, something that reminds you of Sierra Nevada but tastes, with notes of lychee, coconut, and tamarind, entirely new, or something that looks like a milkshake, tastes like a fruit bowl, has no caramel, and seemingly no connection whatsoever to England—or, if the drinker isn’t tracking trends, even the flavor of normal beer.
It’s an interesting moment for a beer style that has defined constancy in American brewing. You may not be able to understand what the hell an IPA is anymore, but you could depend on a pale to deliver its familiar goods. It’s hard to see constancy defining pale’s future the way it has its past. Sierra Nevada’s Pale remains a wonderful beer, but it does represent a fixed point in time, like the Red Hot Chili Peppers or goatees. I sympathize with those who want a world where 1.0 pales are king, but the world has moved on.
I am personally delighted to see these newer pales evolve. The niche that pale ales occupy is one of the most important in beer—a tasty, balanced beer of modest strength suitable for drinking in twos and threes. We need an American beer to fill it. Neither old-school pales, with their heavy caramel malt and older hop varieties, or IPAs, with their strength and intensity, fit the bill.
We now have two alternatives, and I suspect they’ll have staying power. On the podcast, we sampled really good examples of both: Fort George City of Dreams (hazy) and Breakside Rainbow and Unicorns (juicy). They’re both beers I routinely order and I would hate to see either go away. I wouldn’t be surprised to see even more variations on this theme. The future of pales is therefore not going to be simple and clear, but it will be fun and tasty. I can ask no more.
"There isn't a more overhyped -- and overvalued -- team in the country this year. In just about every media poll I've seen, Texas (win projection of 6.99) ranks in the top 10. I think the Longhorns are the 28th-best team in the country entering the season."
nah
College football season is here and our experts have scoured the lines for their best bets. Here are 68 wagers they like before the season kicks off.
trailer looks rad, but "pray it desires not you" is maybe the worst tagline for a film of all time.
Based on the short story “The Quiet Boy” by Nick Antosca (“Channel Zero”), director Scott Cooper‘s new horror film Antlers is releasing in 2020, and we’ve got the teaser today.
Fox Searchlight’s first trailer is wonderfully mysterious, teasing a creepy monster movie without revealing too much. Check it out below, along with a brand new official poster.
In Antlers, a small-town Oregon teacher (Keri Russell) and her brother (Jesse Plemons), the local sheriff, become entwined with a young student (Jeremy T. Thomas) harboring a dangerous secret with frightening consequences.
Graham Greene, Scott Haze, Rory Cochrane and Amy Madigan also star.
The film is written by Henry Chaisson and Nick Antosca, with revisions by Scott Cooper.
"There is no doubt that among all the teams in the Top 25, UCF has the longest odds to make the top 4 because it plays in a Group of 5 conference."
hear me out... bring UCF into the big xii for a florida recruiting touchpoint and bring along... i dunno... some other team that would make sense, too.
The Top 25 teams all have a road map to reach the College Football Playoff. Here's what needs to happen.
Microsoft’s Inside Xbox show for Gamescom showed a bunch of new things about games we know about, and one of the company’s flagship IP’s was chief among them.
Gears 5 had its 5-player co-op Horde mode put on a pedestal with a world premiere first look at perhaps the most popular part of the Gears of War franchise.
Newly announced character skills are showcased (a drone is among them), creatures are popped like blood-filled balloons, and teamwork is on display in abundance. It’s quite something, and looks to continue that pure co-op mayhem of previous iterations.
There was also a video with developer The Coalition discussing how they approached this new twist on an old favorite.
Gears 5 is out on Xbox One and PC on September 10, with Game Pass players and those with pre-orders able to play 4 days early.
At first it seems like an unhappy coincidence, the way that Alex Le Domas (Mark O’Brien) bears a slight resemblance to presidential in-law Jared Kushner: pale, with over-coiffed hair, barely concealing an expression of discomfort. (Not quite as striking as Kushner’s resemblance to murderous boy-doll Brahms, but close…