Jmanzer

As of 2:00 p.m. this past Tuesday, my kids are out of school for the summer. Their elation is quite infectious, I must admit. Now the question comes: What will we do?

In previous years we’ve sent them to camp. The enjoy it immensely and we’re happy to be able to provide that for them. We’ve also done extra dance lessons, taken part in the local recreation department programs and more. But, this summer we’re doing things differently. This year, we’re going to “Camp Caolo.”

Our motivations are twofold. The first is financial. Camp is expensive. So much so that we don’t want to pay for it this year. But our main motivation is time.

My son is eight years old and my daughter is 10. It won’t be long before they don’t want to spend their summers with old mom and dad. Friends, both casual and romantic, will be on our doorstep soon enough. Until then, we want to be totally selfish. We want time with our kids. If this is going to be successful, we’ve got to answer one major question consistently and satisfactorily: “What is there to do?”

Enter the Chart.

The Camp Caolo Chart consists of six sections:

1. Weekly chores. Yes, chores. I know this is supposed to be fun but everyone has to help out. You’ll notice my wife and I have assignments on there, too.
2. Daily chores. My son’s list includes feeding the dog, clearing the dishes from the table, and picking up his stuff. My daughter must walk the dog, clear her dishes, and do some reading.
3. The summer rules. These are pretty basic. “Be nice to everyone or be alone in your room.” “Respect others, their sleep and their stuff.” They love to wake up at 6:00 a.m. and then attempt to have a conversation with my unconscious body. Not fun. “No fun until chores are done.” My wife is not kidding about that one.
4. A calendar of events.
5. The Summer Wish List. We all took sticky notes and wrote down a few things we’d like to do, like visit Boston, establish a family game night, camp out in the back yard, have a movie night, swim in the lake, take a fishing tip, go mini golfing. More can be added at any time by anyone.
6. We did it! As we complete the fun activities, the sticky note is moved to the “We Did It!” section. At the end of the summer, we’ll have a nice record of all the awesome things we’ve done.

That’s pretty cool, but there’s more. My favorite thing is The Boredom Jar. My clever wife has printed many wonderful answers to “What can I do?” onto thin strips of paper.

These will be glued onto tongue depressors and stuck inside a mason jar (there are 40 options in total). Now, when we’re asked “What can I do?” we can invite the kids to pull a stick from The Boredom Jar.

Finally, we took the kids to a craft store last week and let them select a journal/scrapbook. They’ll be adding photos, souvenirs, writings, drawings, etc. to them as our summer progresses.

This is going to be fun and I’m looking forward to it. Adding items to the wish list is great and gives all of us goals for the summer. Plus, The Boredom Jar should be a real boost to the kids’ fun and our sanity. Here’s to a successful Camp Caolo.

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There are times when you can bond with your client at no real cost to the forward progress of your case.

However, that’s not always the case. Here’s what I mean:

I view the relationship with my clients like I view a bank account. It’s a bank account filled with emotions instead of money.

You’re making deposits when you and your clients are connecting. That happens when you do things like agree with them or support them in some way.

You make withdrawals when you push clients to do something they don’t want to do (like being reasonable).

You can’t make a withdrawal unless you’ve previously made sufficient deposits. If you make a withdrawal and you have an insufficient balance, then something bad happens (usually, you get fired). You’ve got to build up that balance before you start making withdrawals.

Be Careful Not to Break the Bank

When I look at family law cases from 10,000 feet, I can see lawyers building the relationship with their clients during the initial stages of the case. There’s lots of talk and back and forth as documents are gathered, questions are answered, and settlement possibilities are outlined. The lawyers are making deposits and building up the balance.

Then, when things heat up, it’s time for the lawyers to use up the balance. The lawyers ask their clients to trust them and take steps that might feel uncomfortable. Clients who said “I’ll never pay a cent of alimony” agree to offer a small amount. That’s a withdrawal from the emotional bank account.

If you’ve failed to build that account balance, then you’re going to have to take time to build your relationship late in the process. That’s going to slow you down and impede your progress.

I’m always looking for chances to fill up the bank account so I can use it up when I need it.

Take This Advice to the Bank

I was on a flight the other day, and my seat positioned me near a conversation between a flight attendant and a passenger. The passenger was whining about the rule requiring us to turn off electronic devices when they close the door to the plane. It’s a stupid rule, but it’s a rule.

The flight attendant could have agreed that it was a stupid rule, but she explained that she was required to enforce it. She could have aligned herself with the passenger and built the balance of her emotional bank account with that guy. She didn’t. She defended the rule and left her account balance at zero. In fact, she may have overdrawn the account with that guy.

We do the same thing.

We defend stupid rules. We defend rules about where people have to sit in the courtroom, how long the process takes, how many words can be on a page for certain documents, how much evidence can be offered, etc. Let’s face it, some of our rules are stupid, and if they’re not stupid, they don’t make much sense to anyone other than us.

You’re not required to defend every element of the legal system. You didn’t design it. You don’t own it. You’re allowed to agree that some of it doesn’t make much sense.

We don’t have to defend the system at every opportunity. We can step over the line to our clients’ side of the discussion and agree with them. That’s an opportunity to make a deposit. You should connect with your clients when you’re given the opportunity. Don’t resist. Don’t be offended by their perspective. Look for opportunities to build your account balance.

When you start making withdrawals and move a case toward conclusion, you’re going to be pulling large amounts out of the account. Be ready for those occasions. Take advantage of every opportunity to increase your balance.

You Don’t Need to Defend the System is a post from: Divorce Discourse

This article You Don’t Need to Defend the System first appeared on Divorce Discourse.