Aicm.v2
Shared posts
02 Jul 13:32
A flock of lawn flamingos can pick a T-rex clean in under 90 seconds
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02 Jul 07:27
au ideas you never asked for
- “HEY STOP! YOU’RE STEALING MY NEIGHBOR’S DOG! WHAT THE FU – oh, they hired a dog walker? hahaha haha.. ha… carry on”
- “i’m in the nurse’s office a lot with migraines and you’re always in here organizing her tongue depressors and i really don’t think you go to this school so what gives”
- “the building manager neglected to tell me the window washers would be coming by today so excuuuuuuse me for thinking that twenty three floors up was high enough that i could dance around in my office without being seen”
- “you’ve been awkwardly inching your way towards the human sexuality section of the bookstore i work at for like fifteen minutes are you looking for something in particular or –?”
- “you and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and i’m really just trying to study over here so i’m gonna put an end to this by winning the game”
- “it’s 2 in the morning and i was just trying to get home but i left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and i drove into a pole – would you please stop laughing you’re a cop. you’re supposed to be helping”
- “my favorite band dropped a new single today and i’ve had it on repeat for seven hours and i can see you judging me but that isn’t going to make me shut it off"
- “hey new neighbor it appears that your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and they’re really jealous and i’m sorry but not really because hellloooooo there”
- “you can’t get tattooed drunk, come back in the morning and if you still want my name on your ass we’ll talk”
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02 Jul 07:22
No matter how different people are, every house has one of these drawers.
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02 Jul 07:10
In response to state officials and others who refuse to abide by SCOTUS' ruling
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02 Jul 06:38
madlyinlov3onda: arcgurren: game: you should go here! me: goes literally everywhere but there, i...
game: you should go here!
me: goes literally everywhere but there, i must explore all before advancing plot
Game: no really! It’s life or death! I need you there today!
Me: better travel across the land to make sure I have the best outfit and exhaust every dialogue with companions first.
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02 Jul 06:15
My friend says to me, "Now that you're good and high..." and hits me with this sh*t.
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02 Jul 06:13
milkywitchguts: pipeworks:*gazes into the abyss**abyss gazes back**quickly turns head and acts like...
*gazes into the abyss*
*abyss gazes back*
*quickly turns head and acts like i wasn’t staring*
*both of us blush*
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