Cowboy Who?

For years, politicos and policy wonks have kicked around ideas for how to increase election turnout in Texas, where voters usually show up in pitifully low numbers. And Texas officials knew that if turnout did rise during 2020’s closely contested presidential election, the pandemic would pose tremendous challenges to our electoral infrastructure. Enter 29-year-old Harris County Judge Lina Hidalgo and 34-year-old county clerk Chris Hollins. Under Hidalgo’s leadership, the Harris County Commissioners’ Court appropriated $29 million for the election, seven times more than in 2016. But just as important as the funding was choosing the right election administrator. When the sitting county clerk resigned in May, following a disastrous March primary election marred by six-hour lines and computer glitches, the commissioners selected Hollins, a management consultant…View Original Post

The post The Best Things in Texas, 2021: Lina Hidalgo and Chris Hollins appeared first on Texas Monthly.

Pride and Prejudice

Elizabeth Bennet: Yes, of course, she would wear one — a mask can’t stop her from giving her opinions very decidedly for so young a person.

Charles Bingley: Yes, but it constantly falls below his nose because he keeps laughing uproariously at everything anyone says.

Fitzwilliam Darcy: Of course. A mask cannot stop a person from spotting a pair of fine eyes. And he’s already very good at keeping his distance.

Caroline Bingley: I mean, if it’s the fashion, of course, she’ll be wearing one. With a pearl maskchain. Like they do in London.

Wickham: Nope. He wears masks in public, but everyone knows that you have to take it off when you have a girl over. Plus, teens are less likely to get coronavirus.

Jane Bennet: Certainly. Neither her beauty nor her kindness can be diluted by a mask.

Lydia & Kitty: Um, no!

Mary Bennet: Yes, and she would be so annoying about it that eventually everyone else in her household would stop wearing masks to spite her.

Mrs. Bennet: Why should she? She’s sure she’s already had the virus five times by now, and with her nerves, and under the stress of a pandemic that could very well disrupt the all-important courting of her five daughters, who could ask her to wear such nonsense? No, I think not.

Mr. Bennet: Absolutely. And his advice to his daughters is that their mother will never see them again if they do wear a mask, and he will never see them again if they don’t.

Lady Catherine de Bourgh: Yes, she’s in the at-risk group.

Mr. Collins: Yes (see above for why).

Persuasion

Anne Elliot: Yes, for the entire story, but she eventually throws caution to the wind and takes it off to kiss the heck out of Wentworth. Can you blame her?

Captain Wentworth: Yes, and it conceals his true emotions. Two for one.

Sense and Sensibility

Elinor Dashwood: Ms. Sense herself, do you even have to ask?

Marianne Dashwood: Yes for her sister, then no for a boy, then she gets Covid and Colonel Brandon nurses her back to health, then yes again for her sister AND a boy, i.e., a much older adult man.

Edwards Ferrars: Yes. He promised to wear a mask. So he will wear the mask, even if he no longer wishes to wear that…particular mask. In fact: he prefers another mask!

Willoughby: He puts the mask around his chin because he thinks it doesn’t look cool on.

Mansfield Park

Fanny Price: Yes, she’s the picture of moral fortitude.

Edmund Bertrum: No, until he stops messing around with Mary Crawford and gets with his first cousin Fanny ;)

Northanger Abbey

Catherine Morland: She would never! Everyone knows mask-wearing is a hoax created by the crème de la crème of Bath society to humiliate the gullible and uncultured. At least, that’s how she sees it.

Emma

Emma Woodhouse: Yes, as a leader in society, it’s her duty. Also, she carries extras to hand out whenever she leaves the house… in case there’s an opportunity for “mask-making.”

Henry Woodhouse: He does not wear a mask as he simply never leaves the house, but he does privately opine on how right he was that, “everyone is riddled with disease.”

Harriet Smith: When she is among sensible farmer Robert Martin, she does. When Emma casually mentions that she finds masks, “utterly dreary,” Harriet happens to decide to maybe take hers off.

Miss Bates: Gladly, she wears the one Mrs. Bates knit her, so that she can safely read aloud Jane Fairfax’s letters to anyone who happens to be nearby.

George Knightley: Yes, but only so he can correct Emma for not wearing one outside when she’s practicing archery and no one else is around.

Cher: Yes, but when she goes to a party in the valley, all bets are off. She also donates her Alaïa (a really important designer) dress to be turned into masks for the less fortunate!

Former police captain Mark Anthony Aguirre was paid $266,400 by the right-wing Liberty Center for God and Country to investigate an alleged ballot fraud scheme in Harris County, Texas.

(Image credit: Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

Team GO Rocket balloons are special map encounters that happen once in every 6 hours. You can encounter up to 4 Rocket Balloons per day. You can fight GO Rocket Grunts or Leaders in GO Rocket Balloon encounters.

A common misconception is that Rocket balloons appear at random, but that’s not correct. Same goes for Jessie and James’ Meowth balloon.

When do Rocket balloons appear in Pokémon GO?

Rocket balloons appear automatically, once in every 6 hour window throughout the day:

• 12:00 a.m. to 06:00 a.m.
• 06:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m.
• 12:00 p.m. to 06:00 p.m.
• 06:00 p.m. to 12:00 p.m.

The balloons appear as soon as you open the game during these time windows and you have 20 minutes to defeat it. If you don’t defeat it, the balloon will fly away.

Can Rocket Balloons despawn?

Yes, they can. Rocket balloons disappear if you haven’t interacted with them for 20 minutes. After the balloon despawns, you won’t be able to battle it until the next 6 hour window comes around.

For example, if you’ve opened your game at 12:40 p.m., and your 12-6 p.m. balloon is there, it will despawn at 1 p.m. You won’t get another balloon until 6 p.m.

Rocket Leaders and Rocket Balloons

You can find Sierra, Cliff and Arlo inside the GO Rocket Balloon if you have a Rocket Radar equipped when the balloon flies in.

The encounter is random, and it works like a typical GO Rocket leader encounter.

Jesse and James will still come to you even if the radar is equipped, so don’t worry!

How to find Jessie and James in Pokémon Go

Jessie and James are available from the Meowth Balloon.

Meowth Balloon is just another version of the regular Rocket Balloon and it replaces the regular balloon during the afore mentioned time windows. Meowth balloon spawn rate is once in every 6 hours, just like the regular GO Rocket balloon.

If you’re lucky, and Jessie and James are currently available in Pokémon GO, when you open the game there’s a 50% chance that the balloon that appears will be a Meowth balloon.

Again, if you don’t interact with the balloon, Jessie and James will leave.

The post Team GO Rocket Balloons Guide appeared first on Pokémon GO Hub.

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Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN) episode 187: The Simpsons: Bartman Meets Radioactive Man. The Nerd reviewed the first two Simpsons NES games 13 years ago. Now he's back to review the third awful Simpsons NES game: Bartman Meets Radioactive Man! This "game" published by Acclaim (LJN in disguise) is the side-scrolling platformer that features Bart Simpson on a comic book quest to rescue his kidnapped idol, superhero Radioactive Man. It's a weird mix of the show and the whole Bartman concept (later used in real-world comics.) This is also this year's Christmas episode, so Happy Holidays to all, we'll see you next year!

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Opening animation by Jordan Welty:
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Opening voiced by Brock Baker:
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Special thanks to Matt McMuscles:
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Simpsons theme/Carol of the Bells by LittleVMills:
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Hovertext:
Do you REALLY want correct French on a boxwine?

Today's News:

Six years after her Chihuahua went missing, a San Antonio woman received a voice mail from an animal shelter in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, explaining that someone had found her pet. A Richmond homeowners’ association requested a woman take down the Halloween decorations in her front yard, which featured skeletons pole dancing in colorful wigs. A dog in Plano got its paw stuck in the trigger of a pistol tucked in its owner’s waistband and fired a shot into the man’s thigh. Police found stacks of stolen tools, with an estimated value of more than a million dollars, in a Katy man’s home after arresting him on drug charges. A Wichita Falls man allegedly stole a car from a stranger at a bar, brought it back…View Original Post

The post Meanwhile, in Texas: A Woman is Reunited with Her Six-Years-Missing Dog appeared first on Texas Monthly.

Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?
Powell
1969

Submitter: This well loved 1969 copy of John Powell of the Society of Jesus – Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am is filled with underlining and other notations from some past perplexed borrower. Still in print today and time for this copy to move on. Included the creepy clown picture for Mary…

Holly: Nothing wrong with learning to be more emotionally open and communicate better, but could we please not mark up library books?

Mary: Maybe the next printing(s) could lose the creepy clown. Note to publishers: may I suggest a no clowns policy especially in self-help or religious themed material.

 

The post Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? appeared first on Awful Library Books.

Laughing at me laughing at my photos of me laughing.

New Cyanide and Happiness Comic

New Cyanide and Happiness Comic

Two days before a panel of experts is set to review Moderna's COVID-19 vaccine and advise the Food and Drug Administration, documents show the vaccine is 94% effective and well-tolerated.

(Image credit: Joseph Prezioso/AFP via Getty Images)

---

Supporters of President-elect Joe Biden hope the milestone will end President Trump's false allegations of widespread fraud and unsuccessful attempts to overturn the results — but that is unlikely.

(Image credit: Susan Walsh/AP)

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Hovertext:
Once he has monopoly power, fresh lemons may as well not exist.

Today's News:

With apologies to Shirley Jackson.

The crew had gathered all their supplies, packed the van, and made their way to the White House through early morning fog on a cold January morning. They were entrusted with cleaning the historic building after Trump had abruptly left the premises, deciding to spend his administration’s final days focusing on his 2024 campaign and his short game at Mar-a-Lago.

When they pulled into the driveway, the driver glanced into a nearby window to see someone staring right back out at him. He gasped.

“That, that looks like… Obama??"

They all saw the apparition. It was clearly the image of Barack Obama. The confused crew warily got out of the van. Obama just kept staring at them with a frozen smile on his face.

Once inside, they discovered it was just a cardboard cutout of Obama. A dick was drawn in Sharpie on his cheek. The words ERIC TRUMP WAS HERE appeared just below it.

They all decided this was sort of a self-own.

The crew made their way through the dark entrance hall. A cold wind passed through them, accompanied by the scent of perfume, which was quickly overwhelmed by the smell of something rotten. They paused, each of them worried about what they might find.

“Oh, it’s just an open bottle of Ivanka’s Eau De Parfum Spray,” the foreman said, flicking on the lights, “and a decomposing half-eaten can of Goya beans.”

When they entered the Oval Office, they discovered a message scrawled on the wall. COME HOME TRUMP, it read. The crew found additional messages throughout the White House…

TRUMP’S TRUE HOME

THE SPIRITS OF THIS HOUSE SAY TRUMP MUST STAY

HE WON IN A LANDSLIDE. IT WASN’T EVEN CLOSE

GIULIANI IS A MASTER STRATEGIST AND, FOR THE LAST TIME, HE WAS JUST TUCKING IN HIS SHIRT

YOU COULDN’T HANDLE WHAT COVFEFE REALLY MEANS

No matter how hard the crew scrubbed, they could not remove the bizarre graffiti. Some say that the words appear and disappear at random.

The new security team arrived to get set up and check the status of the security cameras. The chief of security sat down to look at how his office was left behind, scoffing at some of the outdated technology, and finding an old VHS with a sticky note on top that said VIEW AT YOUR OWN RISK.

He cautiously inserted the tape into a VCR when a series of strange visuals began playing before settling on what appeared to be a gathering of Roger Stone, Bill Barr, Michael Flynn, and Steve Bannon. They sat in a circle at a table, conducting some sort of seance with MAGA hats on their heads, chanting “Hoax, hoax, hoax” over and over. Before the tape ended, the faint image of Jeffrey Epstein appeared hovering above the table before the screen went black.

After Biden finally took office, his team worked hard getting the White House back in order.

“I found another candy wrapper in the files," one aide exclaimed, "And this bill has a chocolate smudge that obscures one of the signatures for a nationwide vaccine purchase. We can’t get a replacement, he’s dead now.”

Another file was filled with thirty pages of the same words over and over again:

Executive time
Executive time
Executive time
Executive time…

Despite the difficult transition, President Biden was proud of how his administration had handled this difficult period in American history. When he settled in for bed, he placed his slippers under the box spring and felt them hit something. He hesitantly looked underneath and saw a large flat object that spanned nearly the length of the bed. With Jill’s help, they slowly lifted the mattress and uncovered a life-sized cardboard cutout of Vladimir Putin. A speech bubble was drawn by his mouth that read DONALD TRUMP WAS HERE.

The President and First Lady both agreed this was definitely a self-own.

New Cyanide and Happiness Comic

Take a break? How does that work?

The widely panned opinion piece addressed Jill Biden as "kiddo" and advised her to "drop the doc." The incoming first lady holds two master's degrees and a doctorate in education.

(Image credit: Chris O'Meara/AP)

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Hovertext:
Mind you this isn't true of MY actions. Just other people.

Today's News:

The power of family history can lead a person to do lot of things. For Howard Berkes, the family tradition of facing crises head-on led him to sign up for experimental testing of a COVID-19 vaccine.

(Image credit: Berkes family)

New Cyanide and Happiness Comic

Become a Patron!

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Do you like danger...ously sedentary lifestyles?

Today's News:

The Supreme Court rejected a Texas lawsuit challenging the election results in fours swing states. It was a long-shot attempt by President Trump's allies to overturn President-elect Biden's victory.

December 29, 2020, marks the 175th anniversary of the United States’ annexation of the Republic of Texas, an occasion that Texans seem to have mixed feelings about. On the one hand, Texans love their country as much as any other Americans. On the other hand, nostalgia for the republic’s decade of independence is ingrained in the Texas character. And talk of secession seems to be on the rise during this politically fraught time—after the presidential election was called for Joe Biden, Texas congressman Randy Weber posted a pro-secession meme on his Facebook page and state representative Kyle Biedermann threatened to file legislation that would give Texans the opportunity to vote on a secession referendum. A pair of recently published books offer sharp insights into what…View Original Post

The post We Need to Talk About Secession appeared first on Texas Monthly.

Die Hard always gets talked about being a Christmas movie, but what about Batman Returns? It stands up to all the same arguments.
-It’s full of Christmas decorations.
-It has Christmas music.
-It takes place on multiple Christmases, from the Penguin’s birth, to Gotham’s big tree celebration.
-The phrase “Merry Christmas” is used multiple times.
-It uses mistletoe as a recurring plot device between Batman and Catwoman.
-It has TONS OF SNOW, which Die Hard does not.
-The Christmas setting is important to the villain’s plans. Just like Die Hard, they strike during the Christmas celebration when things are most crowded. First, to kidnap Max. And second, the ice princess.
-It has the greedy Scrooge character embodied in Max Shrek (Christopher Walken), who is also like the Grinch. Instead of stealing presents, he’s stealing Gotham’s energy supply.
-The Penguin could be seen as the evil Santa, stealing Gotham’s first born sons. Both have icy lairs, but The Penguin identifies with the animal of the south pole, while Santa lives in the North pole. It is just a funny theory of mine, but you could say they’re polar opposites.
-The need for family is a Christmas theme. The Penguin has the sad story of trying to locate his parents who abandoned him. Bruce Wayne also grapples with the loss of his parents, and finds an unusual connection with the Catwoman, becoming lovers and enemies.
-The ending feels like a Christmas ending, even if not conventional. There’s some kind of sentimental feeling, combined with all the snowfall.

In regards to It’s a Wonderful Life, it’s a major classic and a great movie, but I’ve never thought of it as a Christmas movie. The majority of it has nothing to do with Christmas, and it was originally intended for release in January of 1947, but instead came out December 1946. I may have not worded this properly in the review, but the point I was trying to make was that It’s a Wonderful Life is a weak target for the Die Hard argument.

Wanna see a real Christmas movie? Watch Scrooge 1951 (aka A Christmas Carol). Alastair Sim is the definitive embodiment of the wicked old miser. His face looks incapable of smiling. You couldn’t imagine it. So when he makes that flip at the end, it’s pure magic.

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