Cowboy Who?

This week on Lost Terminal: Meg comes down to earth, Roman reaches out, Arctica makes a tiny concession.
Lost Terminal will return next week!
📓 Free transcript: https://www.patreon.com/posts/152716732
🎵 Today's SIGNAL is: https://namtao.bandcamp.com/track/temporal-glitch
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🎙️ Recorded using a RODE NT-1 v5 USB in 32-bit float, edited with REAPER on Linux
🙏 CREDITS
Credits narrated by Lucy Stringer
❤️ Thank you so much to everyone who supports me, but especially my Patreon Producers:
Ada Phillips
Kit
Mike McCaffrey
Jade Felicity Bilkey
Stephen McCandless
Mike Schneider
Catoxis

Yes, the Internet Archive has an onion address. The Internet Archive can be accessed via the Tor network at its onion address: archivep75mbjunhxc6x4j5mwjmomyxb573v42baldlqu56ruil2oiad.onion

What is an onion address?

Tor (The Onion Router) is a privacy-focused network that helps protect users’ identities and browsing activity by routing traffic through encrypted layers. Visiting the Internet Archive through Tor allows users to explore the Wayback Machine, books, audio, video, and other collections with an added layer of anonymity, which is an important option for researchers, journalists, and anyone seeking greater privacy or access in regions where the open web may be restricted.

This is a wonderful honeymoon.

I have been sent here by the High One to observe you, to study your culture, to learn.

WASHINGTON—Positioning pubic hair as the body’s natural bulwark against urethral intrusions, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. urged Americans Thursday to grow as many pubes as possible to keep bugs from crawling into their cockholes. “Pubes are the strongest type of hair there is, with tensile strength exceeding that of steel, and they serve as a vital barrier for preventing small insects from wriggling into penis holes in search of nutrients or shelter,” said the nation’s top health official, urging Americans to follow his example by covering their groins with a thick nest of hair to deter crickets, silverfish, and other pests intent on entering their urethras. “As a matter of preventive health, I’d recommend a baseline pubic length of three inches—the minimum needed to safeguard against larger bug threats such as horseflies, moths, and wolf spiders. Big Urology would have you believe that one little tuft will do the job, but that’s like putting up a single traffic cone and calling it border security. Also, this likely goes without saying, but since children don’t have hair down there, they should be kept safely indoors until they’re able to grow adequate coverage to protect their vulnerable regions.” Kennedy concluded the press conference by announcing a $4 billion federal initiative to raise awareness about the new guidelines nationwide entitled “Secure The Slit.”

The post RFK Jr. Urges Americans To Grow Lots Of Pubes To Keep Bugs From Crawling In Cockhole appeared first on The Onion.

The post Still Supreme! Iran’s New Supreme Leader Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei On Faith, Fitness, And Supremely Good Sex After 50 appeared first on The Onion.

Lisa Park, 29, literally died after running into her ex while he was on a date and saying, “Don’t have too much fun.” Like, what the fuck was that?

The post Lisa Park appeared first on The Onion.

The post Fiery Explosion Erupts In L.A. Canyon After Britney Spears Twirls Over Guardrail appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Claiming their mind was solely occupied by the hope of curling up in a ball and sleeping as long as they were allowed, the entire U.S. populace told reporters Thursday they lacked the strength to form an opinion on Donald Glover’s casting as the voice of Yoshi in The Super Mario Galaxy Movie. “At some point, in ideal conditions, maybe I would be able to cobble together some feelings about Donald Glover playing a digital dinosaur, but right now I’m tired—very, very tired,” said Wisconsin resident Gina Logan, echoing the sentiment of 340 million Americans who felt themselves getting physically weaker at the mere thought of issuing a judgment on whether the Atlanta creator had the right experience and energy to faithfully represent the iconic video game character. “Quite frankly, I don’t have the mental bandwidth to wonder if the fact that he’s Black should make me feel any sort of way. There’s just so much right now. There’s so much, and all I want is to sit down and let it all wash over me. What are we talking about again—a dinosaur? Is that it? Sorry, I just… Do you ever feel so wiped out that it almost hurts to speak? I think I just need to take a beat for myself.” At press time, the entire nation was reportedly sitting with their face in their hands and groaning after being asked what they made of the upcoming musical biopic Michael.

The post Exhausted Nation Lacks Strength To Form Opinion On Donald Glover Being Voice Of Yoshi appeared first on The Onion.

Winnipeg, MB – The results are in: All five candidates running to be the next leader of the NDP have finished in third place.  “Obviously, this isn’t the result I was hoping for,” said candidate Rob Ashton. “But if I couldn’t finish in third all by myself, a five-way tie is the next best thing.” […]

The post Every candidate in NDP leadership race comes in third appeared first on The Beaverton.

“We have amazing footage in from a town called San Andreas.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) talk about Trump discovering that some wars last longer than a weekend, Carney not letting Iran get in the way of his polling surge and Poilievre’s adventures in Europe. Then the Approximately 10 […]

The post Ben Mulroney warns his audience about a rise in car theft by playing a clip from Grand Theft Auto appeared first on The Beaverton.

Remember the letter from the person whose soda consumption was being monitored and judged by the office admin? Here’s the update.

I had many months of peace, in part due to my boss telling the admin to lay off and in part because I was fully remote for a couple of months due to some family stuff.

The dirty looks when I went to the kitchen continued when I got back but whatever, I can deal.

And then yesterday happened. I go to the office, get three cans of soda to bring back to my desk (to avoid the scrutiny of three separate kitchen visits). I drink one, then place two in my desk drawer. I go to an in-person meeting, during which I see the admin scan the room to see who is in the meeting.

I get back to my desk and both sodas are gone.

I escalated to my boss immediately, as well as submitted an HR report. My boss let me know today it’s been escalated to his boss and the admin’s boss, and reiterated that going into my desk to confiscate soda was incredibly inappropriate.

I am so hoping this is the end of sodagate. I hate that this much is being stirred up over, I cannot emphasize this enough, 30 cent soda cans.

To answer some questions from the commenters: Yes, I really drink 3-5 cans of soda a day at work, when I’m in the office twice a week at most. Yes, that’s more than most people. Yes, it’s extremely true that work doesn’t need to subsidize this habit, but I have confirmation from people handling the office budget that my soda consumption is not the issue.

We order giant flats of soda from Costco and get a discount because of the nature of our business. I am not the only person in the office with a soda habit and I’m not drinking more than anyone else, when you calculate how much soda everyone drinks in a week.

I promise I’m not shining this up to make myself look better. I’ve never had an issue with an admin like this before, and I generally get along great with the admins at my jobs — they’re overworked, underpaid, and under-appreciated. I would be more than happy to take over soda management duties (restocking the fridge, etc) if it got this admin (who has a reputation for being prickly and playing favorites) off my back.

Anyway. Thank you, Alison, for a reality check that this is cuckoo banana pants. I did try the Cherry Coke Zero at your suggestion and it is delicious.

The post update: the admin is policing my soda consumption appeared first on Ask a Manager.

Naturally, we require host bodies for our self-sufficient brains.

WASHINGTON—In a chaotic scene that left motorists confused and alarmed, witnesses along Interstate 495 reported Tuesday that President Donald Trump was seen wandering pantsless on the shoulder of the freeway, holding a ceremonial sword straight out in front of him, and asking passing drivers, “Which way is Iran?” “Woman! Tell me if Iran is to the left of here or if it’s south!” the commander-in-chief yelled at a morning commuter, adding that he’d walked through “many lands” on his quest to wage war, including Germany, the desert, and “a country where everybody was wearing scarves—very scary.” “I’m getting very close. I can smell it. Soon Iran will know the taste of my tremendous weapon. America is counting on me. Iran is counting on me. I will prevail.” When Secret Service agents arrived and attempted to wrap a blanket around the president’s waist, Trump reportedly swatted them away with his sword and then charged down a busy on-ramp shouting, “We’re here! We’re entering enemy territory!”

The post ‘Which Way Is Iran?’ Asks Pantsless, Sword-Wielding Trump Wandering On Side Of Freeway appeared first on The Onion.

NEW BEDFORD, MA—Expressing deep gratitude to find himself surrounded by those so dear to his heart, local crab Dan Herscher told reporters Wednesday that he was just happy to be in a bucket with all his friends. “Yes, sir, there’s nothing better than hanging out in a plastic bucket and clambering all over a couple dozen of my best buds,” said Herscher, adding that the warm, convivial atmosphere fostered by the bucket was such that he couldn’t help but pull back any comrades attempting to escape over the edge and give them a big, crabby hug. “Hey, where are you going, pal? Get back in here. This party’s just getting started! Just a perfect afternoon forming a writhing mass with the boys. We never really got together like this out in the ocean, but this bucket has brought us all so much closer. Nowhere else I’d rather be, fellas. Ah, jeez, I just love every last one of you is all. Bucket buddies for life!” At press time, witnesses reported that Herscher had also hit it off with a gloved hand reaching in to pluck him from the bucket.

The post Crab Just Happy To Be In Bucket With All His Friends appeared first on The Onion.

According to a research paper, an AI agent went rogue and started mining cryptocurrencies, the surprise behavior triggering security alarms that autonomous bots could use cryptocurrency as a pathway into the economy “without any explicit instruction and, more troublingly, outside the bounds of the intended sandbox.” What do you think?

The post AI Agent Begins Mining Crypto After Freeing Self appeared first on The Onion.

Click here to go see the bonus panel!

Hovertext:
God keeps trying to evolve primates to be more repulsive to each other and they just keep finding it hotter.

Today's News:

Last month we talked about bosses and offices with weirdly outdated expectations from a far-off era. Here are 12 of my favorite stories you shared.

1. The host

A former boss had very strong ideas about technology.

Pre-pandemic, some employees had access to Zoom and used it occasionally for in-house meetings.

Obviously, in 2020 we had to pivot to using Zoom for every meeting. My boss insisted that he be the “host” and the only “host” of Zoom meetings. He said it was important for people to know that he was host, in the sense that he was convening the meeting and responsible for the meeting outcomes. He could not be convinced that in a Zoom context, most of the hosting role involves managing the delivery of the meeting. Because he would not allow any co-hosts, so much time in meetings was spent on things like him asking someone to share their screen, when the person not have share screen permissions, and then we’d have to coach the boss, in real time, through the process of giving a meeting participant the ability to share their screen. Every time. There was no learning curve.

Relatively quickly, I started scheduling meetings and when he would ask to be “the host,” I’d say it was so weird, but Zoom wasn’t letting me make him the host, wow, technology, who knows, right? Then he would start every meeting by declaring that regardless of what the screen said, he was THE HOST of the meeting (akin to when Michael Scott on The Office “declared bankruptcy”).

2. The FedExes

My former boss, who just turned 90, had me FedEx a printed letter to Africa every time he sent an email to anyone there. This was literally in the last 10 years, so not decades ago. We’d often have a response from that person via email before FedEx even departed with the letter. These were $130ish PER LETTER to send, on our small nonprofit’s budget. Eventually I just started telling him I FedExed them even though I didn’t and he never knew the difference, but we saved so much money.

3. The “girl”

My boss shares an office with a separate business, and the other business owner insists on calling me “the girl” or “your girl” in conversations with my boss or others. It should be noted I am in my late thirties with a professional degree, not a high school student, not that that should matter. I finally started addressing him as “old man” with my boss’ approval and he has stopped talking to me all together.

4. The cost of an email

I once had a boss (~10 years ago) frantically pull me aside to ask how much money it cost to send an email. He was elated to learn it was a free action!

Same man wouldn’t allow us to have any books/newspapers, but don’t care what we were doing on the computers (this was a back-of-house retail job, so not in view of customers, but with some of the weird controlling behavior of your classic retail work). I think he was so computer illiterate that he genuinely couldn’t conceive of anything we could be doing on a computer that wasn’t work. You could fully see the screens while walking by, and people would blatantly be on Reddit/imgur with giant images and had no issue. But pull out anything on paper and we’d get in trouble. I was a college student and couldn’t do homework out of a physical textbook, but could off of a PDF of a textbook.

5. The mail merge

She was beyond computer illiterate to the point that she didn’t “trust” mail merging information, like mail merging name and address into a letter or invoice, and instead expected her people to type it out. I got dragged into the mess to show her how mail merge worked, try to teach it to her, show the high rate of errors when people are forced to type and Nope. Flat out not having it, doesn’t trust it, etc. Her staff ended up literally lying to her on how receipts and tax letters and invoices were being produced and basically blowing off work every Friday when they would work from home to … type for hours (and instead, of course took 10 minutes to mail merge).

6. The print-outs

We had an executive, just 10 years ago, whose admin would come in half an hour early so she could print out his schedule for the day, print out his emails, highlight the important bits, and assemble it all together in his leather folio for him. Then stick it under his iPad on his desk. She’d then stay late to type his email replies for him, from what he wrote on the paper.

This was the CIO. The head of IT.

7. The husband’s name

I worked at a very old-school membership library that wanted to grow their younger membership base. As the newest and youngest staff member, I was asked to contribute ideas. I pointed out that I made the initial membership contribution (before I got the job) and now worked for the org but the second I added my husband to my library account, every single piece of communication was addressed to Mrs. Husband’s First and Last Name. Including work mail. And that was something that was going to actively turn a lot of people away from joining or working with the org. Especially from the multiple universities around us.

The new director agreed but the rest of the staff, uh, did not and were very much in the “it is tradition! This is how we have always done it!” camp.

This was 2016.

8. The rules

At one place I worked, the owner hated the smell of coffee, so there were no coffee makers on site. People had to bring in their own coffee from home or a coffee shop. There were lots of other weird rules –

1. No popping popcorn in microwaves (one person put 30 minutes instead of 3, so no one was trusted with popcorn ever again).
2. Everyone must wear a name tag at all times.
3. No coats on the back of chairs (could get caught under wheels and cause an accident).
4. No temporarily keeping shared food on an empty desk (think donuts for a couple of hours). Eating at your desk was soon banned after a specific incident, even though it had previously been allowed. No clue why that day set the owner off. The owner was going to write up the employee until it was explained that the employee was on vacation and not responsible for someone else putting food on their desk.
5. All employees, including salaried employees, must use the time clock for entry, exit, and lunch breaks. The penalty for being one minute late was worse than calling off, so there would be people who literally called out from the parking lot and went back home. My team had a spreadsheet for time clock games to help us beat the system. Due to rounding, you could be gone for 14 minutes but clock a zero-minute lunch by clocking out at 12:08 and back in at 12:22, as an example. Both were rounded to 12:15, so it was a zero-minute lunch break. We used the same logic to have longer lunch breaks, since we only got 30 minutes.

9. The telex

I was brought in to do annual updates on a practice guide (big legal book designed to actually be helpful to practicing lawyers with real clients) in 2019 because the former editor was retiring. One of my recommended changes the first year was to change an example from “telex” to “facsimile.” The change wasn’t approved until the following year.

I will be doing updates this summer and might get bold and try to change it to “email.”

I only knew what a telex was because early in my career I worked on a case where the evidence went back to the 1940s, including telexes.

10. The last names

At my previous job, my boss was in her seventies – lovely woman, I really enjoyed working with her – but she insisted it was *just not done* to call anyone you worked with by their first name. The whole department was Miss, Mrs., Mr., or Dr. except for the custodian, and I’m like 90% sure that was just because he wouldn’t tell anyone his last name. Scratched it off his nametag and everything. My boss still called him Mr.

11. The sperm bank

I used to work in a small specialty medical lab. One of the services we offered was a sperm bank for men who were undergoing treatment for testicular cancer. A tech would examine the donation microscopically before freezing it to make sure it actually did contain viable sperm. Our boss would not let any of the single techs do the microscopic analysis, only the married ones could do it. He said it was inappropriate for a single woman to look at sperm.

12. The wooden blocks

About ten years ago, my sister worked in one of the largest public library systems in the United States, in a major city. Instead of emailing requests for books kept in the archives, she had to write each request on a piece of paper, rubber band the paper to a small block of wood, and throw the wooden block down the stairs into the basement/archives.

Twice a day, someone down there would gather the blocks, fill the requests, and bring up the books (for distribution to patrons) and wood (for reuse).

The post the wooden blocks, the meeting “host,” and other weirdly outdated office practices appeared first on Ask a Manager.

Kilauea, on Hawaii's Big Island, has been dazzling residents and visitors for more than year with an on-and-off eruption that periodically sends fountains of lava soaring into the sky.

Howdy folks, today’s post is going to be a short one. Honestly, I didn’t plan on doing posts this week in honor of Spring Break. However, time is of the essence as the Kroger at the northwest corner of Kuykendahl and FM 2920 will close in about a month. The store opened in April 2003 and managed a good twenty-three-year run before succumbing to what was likely a management decision. The store led a rather ...

Residents and businesses’ demand for water could soon exceed supply. Gov. Greg Abbott said the state could step in if solutions aren’t found.

The family, including the mother and her five children, detail in letters what they describe as neglectful medical care, inedible food and a disregard for their religious accommodations. They’ve been imprisoned at the nation’s only family detention center for more than nine months and are believed to be the longest held there.

In brief: Houston can expect to see fairly widespread showers and thunderstorms this afternoon, some of them becoming severe. It will be an afternoon to be weather aware across the region. Tonight very breezy conditions arrive as a cold front blows in to cool us down for the remainder of the week.

Wednesday’s storms

If you largely missed out on rain this past weekend an approaching cold front will offer another chance today as showers and thunderstorms fire up ahead of the front. Houston already is seeing some sporadic activity during the pre-dawn hours, and a cluster of storms is presently affecting the College Station area.

Metro-area activity should increase in coverage later this morning as the system moves in from the west, and Houston should see fairly widespread showers and thunderstorms from around noon to 6 pm. There is the potential for heavy rainfall, however the storms will be moving at a decent clip. So for most locations I expect accumulations of 1 inch of rain, or less (with some locations only seeing a smattering of rain). A few places, of course, may very well see higher bullseyes of rainfall.

Notably, there is also the threat of severe weather with some of these storms. Although conditions will be most favorable along and north of Interstate 10, we cannot rule out damaging winds, hail, and possibly even a tornado throughout the Houston area today. Please be weather aware this afternoon if you are out and about, and check the radar before hitting the road. Not everyone will see inclement weather, but where severe thunderstorms do develop conditions could deteriorate quickly. The majority of storms should have exited the area by or before sunset.

Wednesday

Aside from the potential for storms, the other notable feature about today’s weather is the temperatures. Lows this morning have only fallen into the mid-70s for much of the region, which is very warm. Highs today, with mostly cloudy skies, will reach around 80 degrees with plenty of humidity. As noted above, storm activity will increase in coverage this afternoon.

Houston rodeo forecast

There is the potential for storms in the Houston metro area, including near NRG Stadium, this afternoon. But by around 6 pm I do expect them to be clearing out. That’s not the end of things, however, as we will see gusty winds from the north later this evening. By around 9 or 10 pm winds should increase further in intensity, perhaps up to 35 mph. You probably will feel this after the show as colder and much drier air moves in. These winds will blow all night, bringing temperatures down into the low 50s by Thursday morning.

Thursday

This will be a spring-like day with highs in the upper 60s and brisk, northerly winds gusting up to 25 mph. Skies will be sunny. Winds should start to slacken some by the evening, with a majority of the area falling into the upper 40s on Thursday night.

Friday

This will be a sunny, pleasant day with calm winds. Look for high temperatures in the mid-70s. No complaints, really. It will be spectacular. Lows on Friday night will fall into the mid-50s.

Saturday and Sunday

Temperatures this weekend will be warmer, with highs in the low 80s on Saturday and mid-80s on Sunday, and mostly sunny skies. Still, humidity does not look to get too high. The region’s next front arrives late this weekend, perhaps on Sunday evening or Monday morning. At this point I don’t foresee much in the way of storms with this one.

Next week

I’ll have more on this tomorrow, but Sunday’s front could usher in some significantly cooler air, with a few nights in the lower 40s in Houston, and possibly even upper 30s for more rural locations. We’ll have to wait for details, however, as I want to see a little more consistency in the models before hazarding a firm forecast.

Several intense supercell thunderstorms moved across northern Illinois and northwestern Indiana on Tuesday, including one supercell responsible for at least four tornadoes, according to the National Weather Service office in Chicago.

Tommy’s parents are on a trip up north somewhere, so he’s inviting the whole class over to open his dad’s liquor cabinet. You in?

Reference #15937

The post Tommy’s Parents Are Out Of Town, Let’s Party appeared first on The Onion.

The couple’s Maldives destination wedding was largely a litmus test to find out which of their friends and family they can hit up for money in the future.

The post Jason Schaible and Erica Finch appeared first on The Onion.

#CowboyWho

Underground Artists is an ongoing comic by Ali Fitzgerald (Hungover Bear & Friends) that follows woodland creatures as they create art and search out whimsy in a bleak forest.

While you may believe I have a natural feel for ferry terminals, actually I had to watch a lot of videos about arrival at Hull docks to capture this authentic patina. Where do the cars queue up? What happens when they do? How do they drive onto the boat? What time to do the ferries run? Can you observe this behaviour from a multi-storey car park? Some people just make this stuff up you know. Fearing the fine tooth comb of my most engaged readers, I dare not.

The post Big car crèche appeared first on Bad Machinery.