Cowboy Who?

In brief: None of the currently highlighted areas in the Atlantic will threaten land. We discuss some of the speculation surrounding what may come next in the Atlantic, which is probably something of note but what exactly that is is very much TBD. Also, today is the first day since mid-June without a level 2 or higher risk of flooding somewhere in the U.S., ending a remarkable and painful 46-day streak.

The current trio

We’ve seen few changes in the overall expectation that the current three systems highlighted in the Atlantic are unlikely to be threats to land.

Disturbance off the Carolinas

Good news overall. The system off the Carolina coast has not shown any further signs of development, and it appears that its best chance to do so will be on exit from the East Coast as it generally follows Dexter’s path out to sea.

Development odds have been reduced to 30 percent here as the system exits stage right. At this point there is no sign that this will impact land as it moves away. It could meander a little for a couple days south of Atlantic Canada but it currently looks to be far enough away to avoid any impacts.

Invest 96L in the deep Atlantic

The Atlantic wave got tagged as Invest 96L today, so now we can see some additional forecast data on this in the coming days. Currently, there’s not much to this. But models do indicate that in the coming days, we will see some development. It’s expected to continue to move somewhere between west-northwest and due northwest, which should keep it well north of the Caribbean islands. From there, it still seems likely to find the escape route north and northeast out to sea. Odds of development are 60 percent but odds of land impacts are close to zero at this time.

Tropical Storm Dexter clinging to life

Dexter will likely turn extratropical by this afternoon as it races out to sea. The transition to extratropical just means that it’s no longer deriving its energy from the warmer water and tropical processes. Rather, it’s now behaving more like a nor’easter and being driven by other meteorological processes, acquiring fronts, etc. In the case of Dexter, it is likely to become a hurricane-force non-tropical low pressure, or essentially a major cyclone over the open ocean that isn’t a tropical system. Hazardous for shipping, may produce some rough seas off Newfoundland but nothing more than that.

Dexter should eventually end up absorbed into a system or two approaching Europe next week, unlikely to produce any major impacts there.

Speculating on the Atlantic’s future

We’re starting to notice the “churn” in comments, posts, questions, etc. that usually begins to happen in August. Much of it focuses on what this model or that model did during a specific run. Yesterday’s fun and games came courtesy of the evening GFS operational model, as it often does (earning it the nickname the “happy hour run”), which decided that one storm wasn’t enough, so it would plant two of them on either side of Florida on day 16. Look, you do you in terms of looking at weather data, but the GFS operational beyond day 10 is virtually useless. So, I’m going to pretend that never happened.

However…

There is good reason to think that we could have something a little more interesting by the time we get to the late forecast period. This would be more in the August 20th-ish timeframe. You can see this by looking at the European model ensemble spaghetti plot. Again, these aren’t answer keys, but rather they’re showing you what each of the 51 ensemble members is doing with a specific system. Each ensemble member is tweaked just a little to create the real uncertainty that exists in the atmosphere at any given moment due to observational capabilities and thus each ensemble member produces a unique outcome. Within that “noise,” occasionally you can derive a signal to push your confidence one way or another.

In this case, we have a strong signal showing up for a system, but its track representation and intensity representation lives in a sea of noise. So what we can say with authority today is that conditions may be favorable for this tropical wave emerging off Africa in a couple days to perhaps become a development candidate somewhere in the Atlantic or Caribbean about 6 to 10 days from now. In fact, yesterday’s European weekly tropical cyclone anomaly chart does show slightly above normal chances for a system in the southwest Atlantic in week 2 (Aug 18-25).

All this says is that there’s a slightly better chance than usual that a system could end up somewhere in the southwest Atlantic. We can corroborate this with the traditional model ensembles, as both the Euro and GFS ensembles show at least some noise in this general area. There also seems to be some AI model agreement on this as well.

All we can say definitively today is that the next wave emerging off Africa is creating some noise in model runs that make it an area we’ll probably be watching for several days. We have no idea where it’s heading or what shape it will be in when it gets there, and it doesn’t make sense to even begin to speculate on that topic. What we can do is remind folks that it’s the ramp up to peak hurricane season now, and with quiet conditions this weekend, perhaps it’s a good time to review your kits, checklists, etc. and ensure you are prepared in case this is the year for you. We’ll let you know what we know when we know it.

Lowest flooding risk in weeks

Today is the first day since June 21st that the Weather Prediction Center’s excessive rainfall outlook has not had a level 2 (slight) or higher risk. 46 straight days of slight risks or worse. If it’s not a record, it’s close.

We will have much more to say about flooding and risks and all that eventually. I wrote a bit about flash flood warnings on my personal Substack yesterday. But I hope the folks at the Weather Prediction Center can catch their breath for a couple days now. Remarkable summer.

In brief: Today’s post explains why boring and calm weather in August is the perfect ideal for Houston. This will never be a month for nice weather. But it is often a month for nasty weather. Fortunately, this year, we’re not seeing that. (So far).

August doldrums

A lot of terrible, awful, no good weather can happen in August along the upper Texas coast. Historically this is when we have seen our most terrible heat. I think about the summer of 2023, when the average daily high temperature for August was 103 degrees. This is the month when we often seen our most entrenched high pressure systems and deepest droughts. Conversely, August and September are when the region is most vulnerable to powerful hurricanes. So we can see not just droughts but flooding rains. We often go from drought to flash flooding in a matter of minutes due to the nature of tropical rainfall. Fun times.

So when I look ahead to our forecast over the next 10 days and see highs generally in the low- to mid-90s, with enough of a splash of rain—but not too much, mind you—to keep the drought at bay, I’m happy. It may be boring to forecast. It may mean no one is reading about, or really cares about the weather. But boring weather in August beats almost any conceivable alternative. So I say, with pride, that today’s forecast post is boring.

Thursday and Friday

The end of the work week will bring some of our warmest weather. Daytime highs will push into the mid- to upper-90s (for inland areas), with mostly sunny skies. We will see some showers offshore during the morning hours, and I expect these to develop over land later this morning and during the afternoon with daytime heating. Generally I expect about 10 percent of the region to see moderate to heavy rains, another 20 percent or so to see light rain, and then the rest of us nothing. So these will be very much hit or miss rains. Winds will be light, generally from the southeast. Overnight lows are very warm and muggy.

Saturday and Sunday

As the high pressure system over the Southwestern United States retreats a little bit this weekend, we will see slightly increased rain chances. Overall daily coverage will be about 40 percent, and again these should be very much hit or miss showers, with a few isolated pockets of heavy rain, and most areas seeing much less. A few more clouds should help limit high temperatures this weekend to the low- to mid-90s. Which, for the deepest dog days of summer, is not half bad.

Next week

This pattern of boring weather: highs generally in the mid-90s, low-end daily rain chances, and plenty of humidity, should continue for the majority of next week. It’s not glamorous, but for me in August, in Houston, every day is one of survive and advance toward fall. And we’re getting there folks.

CLEVELAND—Revealing a vulnerable side while sharing the traumatic experience with a therapist, a 5-pound sack of flour confirmed Thursday that it was still processing the lasting emotional fallout of being raised by a single, teenage mother. “My mother did her best, but let’s be honest: She was a 13-year-old juggling pre-algebra, a clarinet recital, field hockey, and a chaotic personal life, and she had no business being a mom,” said the sack of King Arthur unbleached bread flour, pointing out scars it still bore from being routinely dropped by a careless mother. “A lot of my early days were spent just lying around my grandparents’ place waiting for my mom to come home from her extracurriculars. There was no stability. One day, I’m at school with her; the next, I’m forgotten for an entire weekend in her friend’s basement. And my dad? He was totally absent. He bailed, leaving all the work to a young girl completely ill-equipped to handle the responsibility of a flour sack with all the drama going on in her friend group. It took years to build up a sense of self-worth after my mother lost interest in me after just a week.” The flour added that it did manage to take solace in turning its numerous hardships into sweet, tender biscuits.

The post Flour Sack Still Dealing With Trauma Of Being Raised By Single Teenage Mother appeared first on The Onion.

AUSTIN, TX—Arousing suspicion among the digital marketing firm’s employees with its warm and solicitous tone, an encouraging email sent from the account of Pulse of Tomorrow CEO Herb Helminth was quickly flagged as a phishing attempt and deleted, sources reported Thursday. “I’ve never seen anything like this in my life—he even spelled the name of our company correctly,” said social media manager Esther Perez, who expressed concern when she noticed the email’s tone bore little resemblance to the CEO’s usual cold and hostile writing style. “He told everybody to keep up the great work and complimented our ‘creative and talented staff.’ There was no mention of restructurings or reducing costs or ‘economic headwinds’ anywhere. I can’t even imagine what kind of person would send an email like this.” According to sources, the company’s IT specialist sent out a memo reminding employees to report an email thread immediately if they ever received a reply from the CEO’s account that said anything more than “okay.”

The post Warm, Encouraging Email From CEO Quickly Identified As Phishing Attempt appeared first on The Onion.

The post Trump Readjusts Golf Tee In JD Vance’s Mouth appeared first on The Onion.

For her new unauthorized biography of Gwyneth Paltrow, journalist Amy Odell conducted more than 220 interviews, both on and off the record. Here are the biggest revelations from Gwyneth: The Biography :

Became interested in health and nutrition after seeing a carrot for the first time

A method actor, Paltrow decapitated herself in 1995 to prepare for her role in Seven

Has never had any plastic surgery this year

While giving birth to her daughter, Apple, she spent 70 hours in labor due to complications with the child’s chakras

Sheds skin every seven years 

Technically was married to Coldplay, not Chris Martin

Has been experiencing one uninterrupted bowel movement since 2006

Her anti-aging secret is 350 vacation days a year

The post Biggest Revelations From The New Gwyneth Paltrow Biography appeared first on The Onion.

You have no right to give that woman.

BOCA CHICA, TEXAS – Troubled businessman and 53-year-old memelord Elon Musk has once again made headlines with a new business venture, announcing the release of his new baby name book “From Arargnft to Zrrfppfortt”. Musk, who has enough children to field at least 1.3 professional cricket teams, says that he hopes his new book will […]

The post Elon Musk releases new baby name book, “From Arargnft to Zrrfppfortt” appeared first on The Beaverton.

It’s Mortification Week at Ask a Manager and all week long we’ve been revisiting ways we’ve mortified ourselves at work. Here are 15 more mortifying stories people have shared here over the years.

1. The title misunderstanding

At my very first office job, my manager left her position. I thought that you automatically move up once the person above you leaves. I changed my signature to the next highest position and started sending emails with this new title. I expected my other colleague (senior to me) to do the same. It was only after he confronted me that I realized that this is not how the working world works.

2. The misdirected chat

During a long boring meeting with several people from leadership each giving their life stories, advice, blah blah to us newish hires, I sent a Teams chat to a friend, while one of the ladies was speaking, saying, “OMG is she ALWAYS like this?” A beat later, the lady in question looks up, looks at me and says, “Yes, I am.”

3. The nerves

A friend was applying for a job after undergrad. For some reason, she wasn’t prepared to hear the company’s voicemail and instead of hanging up, she blurted out, “I’m calling about the interview? Uh, I can’t remember my name right now, but I’ll call you right back.” Reader, she in fact did call back and leave her name. She didn’t get the interview.

4. The fancy chocolates

A colleague of mine commented on “the fancy-looking chocolates” in our investor’s bathroom that he had never seen before. They were not chocolates. They were tampons.

5. The speed walker

As an expediting clerk, I was taking some orders down to our shipping department and I was running late so I was really walking fast. A group of guys was chatting in the walkway, and they stepped back against the walls on either side to let me through.

I was swinging my arms as I went, and I “connected” right into a guy’s crotch. Reader, I felt the poor man’s nuts! My eyes went wide and my face turned bright red but I just. kept. going. (Faster, even.) I have no idea what chaos I left in my wake, but that poor man high-tailed it the other direction every time he saw me, for as long as I worked there.

6. The flat denial

I had a sweet cat with constipation issues, which led to her sometimes pooping on the carpet.

I was unmuted, about ready to speak on a Zoom call, when my husband yells, “There’s a giant turd on the floor.”

I was mortified, especially from the wording “turd”! My coworker was so disgusted — I could tell it from her tone — and said, “What did you just say?”

I said I didn’t say anything. She asked if I heard anything, and I just said no. I’m sure it was very obvious I was lying, but the meeting just continued.

7. The terrible example

I had recently started a job in local government that involved going to all our facilities and training staff on a new program the county was using. One point I always had to belabor was that all files from this program had to be saved to a shared location, as they were considered public records and the laws were very strict.

So one day I’m at a new facility working with the staff there, and I said what I always said when someone challenged me about the shared server thing: “Well, if you got hit by a bus and died, no one would be able to access your files, and that would be a big problem!” Absolute silence followed, and the staff didn’t engage with me at all for the rest of the training.

When I mentioned this at the home office, my supervisor stared at me in horror and then carefully explained that the manager of that facility had died three months earlier – his car had been hit by a bus.

…They assigned a different trainer to that facility and I never went back there again.

8. The cut-off audio

My company is mostly an in-office work environment, but one weekend we were doing an IT upgrade and had to have many scheduled calls with executives to provide an update on how things were going. Our poor project manager who was leading the meetings had a lot of background noise of dogs barking, and he tried to apologize to the group by saying, “I’m sorry for the noise, everyone. My wife and I are doing doggie day care for our kid’s pets this weekend.” Quite unfortunately for everyone, his audio cut out after the word “doggie.”

There was about 10 seconds of silence, followed by an eruption of laughter and some comments that seemed to forget how many senior executives were on the call. Definitely lightened the mood from a very stressful weekend, though!

9. The typo

I once sent an email where, instead of using the word assisted, I said that the users had been assassinated.

10. The background visual

It was a windy day. I was taking the mail out to the box in front of the building when the wind blew the door open on me and banged it against the wall. I had to fight to get it closed again, and dropped some of the mail as I did so. Naturally, it started blowing away too, so I had to chase it down and try to grab it. Oh, yeah, and I’m a complete klutz.

I finally got it all back and headed for the mailbox when I saw that my boss was giving an interview about something very important to the local news and the camera had been pointed right at me the whole time. So I walked to the mailbox with as much dignity as I could, with my hair and jacket flapping around, and went back in. Of course, the door blew open again.

I watched the news that evening because I HAD TO KNOW. Thankfully they just used voice clips and still shots of the building instead of my clown college dropout routine.

11. The group leader

At a team building retreat with my old company, we were instructed to break into groups and come up with a list of “things you need for communication.” Not only did I, the most junior employee, appoint myself group leader, but for some reason I was determined to figure out how this was a trick question. Like I wanted our group to be the one that figured out what they were really getting at instead of giving the obvious answers. So I basically railroaded everyone else’s suggestions (great teamwork, right?). I don’t remember everything on our list, and some of it was probably normal, but I do remember INSISTING that the first thing needed for communication was “more than one person.”

As other groups presented their lists, it dawned on me how crazy I’d been. When it was our group’s turn, the guy presenting (of course I didn’t step up for that role) did his best to quickly move past “more than one person” in favor of the more normal answers. I did hear someone in another group mumble, “More than one person? That’s kind of low-hanging fruit.”

12. The Myers-Briggs type

At a former small, nonprofit workplace, the CEO decided it would be a good idea to have everyone complete the Myers-Briggs inventory with a facilitator to discuss how to communicate better in a three-hour mandatory meeting. One of the pairs is J (judging) vs. P (perceiving). Supposedly, one of the key characteristics of a type P is messiness.

We finished the meeting and then a group of us went out to lunch, and, naturally, conversation centered around the Myers-Briggs stuff. One of the younger, female coworkers at some point said, “I just can’t stop thinking about Joe’s P-ness.” The table of about 10 people fell absolutely silent. She seemed confused by this response, and followed up with, “You know, like in his office. His P-ness.” One of the other coworkers said “His P-ness?!?!” The younger coworker finally heard what she had been saying, flushed completely red and started stammering about he’s definitely a P not a J, based on how messy his office is.

Younger coworker was never able to completely live that one down.

13. The account name

I use my Zoom account to play Dungeons & Dragons on the weekends, so sometimes have to scramble on a work-related call when I realize I’ve shown up as Cairora Whisperwind.

14. The valentines

When I was just starting my first job out of college, on Valentine’s Day I gave all the members of my training class little kids’ Disney Princess valentines. I gave our manager the teacher card!

15. The meow

It’s a (bad) habit I got into at home: the cats meow at me and my partner > we meow at the cats > we meow at each other. One day, I was sitting in a conference room waiting for my colleague to arrive for a meeting, and I was kind of distracted. She walked in and said hello, and I … meowed. She said, “Did you just meow at me??” and I stammered, “Uhhh, it’s been kind of a weird day.” (It had been a very normal day.) We went on with the meeting and never mentioned it again.

The post the fancy chocolates, the misdirected chat, and other stories to cringe over appeared first on Ask a Manager.

Kasey —

From the moment I first saw you, I knew my life was about to change. You were beautiful—also intelligent, funny, and kind. Not long after we met, I knew I wanted to spend my life with you. Let me know if you’d like these opening lines to be warmer or more emotional. Do you want me to personalize them in some way?

I love your confidence, your resilience, and your openness to new experiences. Do you remember when we moved in together and spent that whole first weekend building furniture? This is an example of an anecdote you could include. Should I suggest a different meaningful experience you and Kasey might have shared?

As a couple, we have been through the highest highs and the lowest lows—some very low lows. While I’d be happy to include the details of your infidelity here, it might be better to reference the episode subtly—she will know what you mean. Kasey, you have taught me everything I know about commitment and forgiveness. Thanks to you, I know what true devotion looks like. How’s that? If you’d like, I can rewrite this to more directly reference the incident with Kasey’s sister.

Great—here are some promises you might make. I promise to center your needs. I promise to love you with devotion. I promise to stand by you forever. I would not advise you to qualify these vows or list exceptions to your promises. Okay, I can write that. Kasey—we each get one “free pass” with a neighbor.

I promise to stand by you, without fear or reservation. I promise to protect you with all the strength I can muster—even through the inevitable obstacles that life tosses your way. Sorry, you’ve hit the limit for free messages with our advanced model. Please upgrade now or continue with our lower-tier language model.

I promise love you. I want marry you—marry you so bad.

Kasey, I simply can’t wait to begin life together as husband and wife. Absolutely, here are some tips for nailing the delivery. Before the ceremony, practice the vows in front of a mirror. Be sure to print the vows out, removing any extraneous text or AI prompts. To reduce stress, do not wait for the last minute. Sure, here are some pawn shops in Tacoma where you can buy a wedding ring in a jiffy.

Kasey, I love you. The day we met was the luckiest of my life. In just a few moments, I will be joining your wonderful, caring family. No, I would not recommend winking at Kasey’s sister. No, I would not recommend expressing admiration for “all the MILFs” on Kasey’s side.

Absolutely, I can do that. Here’s a vow pledging your devotion to Kasey while praising her steadfast support for you, despite your flaws and errors, presented as rhyming couplets in the style of Joe Rogan. Let me know if you’d like me to personalize it further—or anything else to help you express yourself on this special day.

Hey all—my name’s Lee, and I run the server side of Space City Weather (and The Eyewall, too!). Today we’re changing how comments work on both sites.

We’re moving from WordPress’ built-in commenting system to a new discussion platform called Discourse. The goal is to make it easier for us to moderate conversations, highlight thoughtful contributions, and cut down on off-topic noise. (For the longer version, see the “Start here: What is all this?! Answers within!” post on our new Discourse instance.)

What does this mean for everyone?

Starting today, instead of leaving comments directly beneath posts on SCW and The Eyewall, readers will follow a link to a dedicated discussion thread on our new Discourse forum. That thread will serve as the home for all conversation related to that day’s forecast post. The most recent replies from the thread—right now we’re showing 20, but that number might change—will automatically appear at the bottom of the forecast post, in the same place comments have always lived.

If you want to comment, follow the link down below that says either “Start the discussion…” or “Continue the discussion…”, which will take you directly to the daily post’s discussion thread. If you haven’t created an account yet, you’ll be prompted to sign up. Once you’re signed in, you can comment as usual!

It’s still early days here and we’ll be continually tuning how Discourse integrates with Space City Weather and The Eyewall. Some things might be slightly broken at first, but we’ll do our best to stomp on any issues as soon as they’re spotted. Voice any concerns in the Forum Feedback category on Discourse, and we’ll look into them.

Thanks for sticking with us, and whether you’re a newcomer or someone who’s been around long enough to know exactly when Katy should evacuate, welcome to the new commenting system!

Hey all—my name’s Lee, and I run the server side of The Eyewall (and Space City Weather, too!). Today we’re changing how comments work on both sites.

We’re moving from WordPress’ built-in commenting system to a new discussion platform called Discourse. The goal is to make it easier for us to moderate conversations, highlight thoughtful contributions, and cut down on off-topic noise. (For the longer version, see the “Start here: What is all this?! Answers within!” post on our new Discourse instance.)

What does this mean for everyone?

Starting today, instead of leaving comments directly beneath posts on SCW and The Eyewall, readers will follow a link to a dedicated discussion thread on our new Discourse forum. That thread will serve as the home for all conversation related to that day’s forecast post. The most recent replies from the thread—right now we’re showing 20, but that number might change—will automatically appear at the bottom of the forecast post, in the same place comments have always lived.

If you want to comment, follow the link down below that says either “Start the discussion…” or “Continue the discussion…”, which will take you directly to the daily post’s discussion thread. If you haven’t created an account yet, you’ll be prompted to sign up. Once you’re signed in, you can comment as usual!

It’s still early days here and we’ll be continually tuning how Discourse integrates with Space City Weather and The Eyewall. Some things might be slightly broken at first, but we’ll do our best to stomp on any issues as soon as they’re spotted. Voice any concerns in the Forum Feedback category on Discourse, and we’ll look into them.

Thanks for sticking with us, and whether you’re a newcomer or someone who’s been around long enough to know exactly when Katy should evacuate, welcome to the new commenting system!

WASHINGTON—Describing the shift as a troubling indicator for the health of the nation’s system of governance, watchdog group Freedom House published a report Wednesday downgrading the United States from a democracy to whatever political system lobsters have. “Persistent executive overreach and erosion of civil liberties mean that America now looks less like a traditional federal republic and much more like whatever political label you might apply to a writhing pile of lobsters on the ocean’s floor,” said policy expert Alan Beaumont, who stressed that declines in various democratic indices had reduced the country to a state closer to the underwater free-for-all that could be described as the crustacean’s political system. “Our nation already passed the tipping point where we might hope to match the deliberative bicameral legislative process of, say, shore crabs. At this juncture, there’s just too much scuttling in American politics to call it anything other than a flawed lobster republic.” Beaumont added that this reflected a broader national trend of democratic backsliding that left the government of places like El Salvador resembling whatever the hell barnacles are doing.

The post Watchdog Group Downgrades U.S. From Democracy To Whatever Political System Lobsters Have appeared first on The Onion.

CLEVELAND—In response to the rising cost of living, a lack of job options, and decreased educational opportunities, a consortium of leading mental health experts met this week and advised struggling Americans to try crying about it like a little baby. “Whether inflation is making it hard for you to afford groceries or you’re drowning in medical debt, we highly recommend you try bawling your eyes out and going ‘wah wah wah,’” said Anthony Marlow, a psychologist at Case Western Reserve University who explained that just five minutes per day of wallowing in their problems and saying “I’m a poor widdle baby, I’m a poor widdle baby” could give distressed Americans a much-needed break. “Instead of doomscrolling in bed, why not put down your phone, take a breath, and start whimpering about how the bank foreclosed on your home and you’re soooo sad? Or if you’re one of the millions of American feeling isolated and lonely, why not throw yourself a little pity party to feel better about being such an unlovable fucking loser?” The psychologist went on to recommend that any mental health experts who disagreed with his advice go whine about it to their “fucking mommy.”

The post Mental Health Experts Advise Struggling Americans To Try Crying About It Like Little Baby  appeared first on The Onion.

NEW YORK—Arguing that producers should consider their audience before catering to the whims of the “woke internet mob,” Fox News host Jesse Watters decried Tuesday the casting of an Indian man in the lead role of the film Sankranthiki Vasthunam. “I don’t know about you, but I like my Tollywood films all-American,” said a visibly agitated Watters, claiming that DEI had ruined the Telugu-language action-comedy film that made waves this year in India’s second-largest film market. “Why cast Daggubati Venkatesh when we all know they could’ve just as easily gone with Chris Pratt? The role of Yadagari Damodara Raju has always been a white man, as far as I’m concerned. And we all know Pratt has the chops to carry both the wild Tollywood action sequences and Raju’s lively banter with his ex-girlfriend Meenakshi, who, for the record, should’ve been played by Scarlett Johansson. So unless every white actor from Hollywood to Hyderabad turned the role down, I don’t see any reason why they needed to virtue signal with an Indian guy no one has heard of except for fans of Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan and Seethamma Vakitlo Sirimalle Chettu.” Watters went on to state that the makers of 2025’s highest-grossing Telugu film would pay for their “woke stunt” at the box office.

The post Fox News Decries Woke Casting Of Indian Man As Star Of ‘Sankranthiki Vasthunam’ appeared first on The Onion.

A radioactive wasp nest was discovered at a U.S. Department of Energy facility in South Carolina that was once involved in the production of parts for nuclear weapons. What do you think?

“I’ll get my big broom.”

Phil Nemeth, Toll Collector

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“Can’t wait to see the media try to twist ‘radioactive wasps’ into a bad thing.”

Mia Coates, Franchise Gatekeeper

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“Radioactive wasps have an important role to play in any post-apocalyptic ecosystem.”

Dave Munch, Fiddle Instructor

The post Radioactive Wasp Nest Discovered Near Nuclear Waste Storage Site appeared first on The Onion.

If “Why I’m Leaving New York” was the cliché essay topic of the 2010s, “Why I Left The Washington Post” is making a strong bid as the 2025 equivalent. There are so many entries, from Ruth Marcus to Robert Kagan to Ann Telnaes to Joe Davidson to Jennifer Rubin to Jonathan Capeheart to Perry Bacon to Dave Jorgenson and many, many more. (The more niche “Why I’m Joining The Washington Post” sub-genre has received mixed reviews.)

The latest entry is a compelling one, from Glenn Kessler, a 27-year Post veteran who had written The Fact-Checker column since 2011, meting out Pinocchios to the political class. He details a lot of interesting backstory — like that time publisher Will Lewis asked him “What should The Post do to appeal more to Fox News viewers?” three times within an hour. But the main thing I’m left with is just how rudderless an institution the newspaper has become. We’re now approaching two years since Lewis was hired as publisher, and despite all his bromides about the need for fundamental reinvention, there remains almost no meat on that bone:

…in terms of building readership, the new editorial policy [of promoting “personal liberties and free markets”] didn’t make sense. The Post’s liberal columnists generated huge traffic — that’s because of the liberal slant of the readership — and now they’ve all quit. Every day, I checked the daily traffic numbers and, year over year, it was like being on a waterslide — with no bottom.

Meanwhile, Lewis, from his email perch, bombarded the staff with corporate lingo — “a significant reinvention journey” — that gave no sense of direction. A staff-wide meeting led by new executive editor Matt Murray didn’t provide much clarity. As far as I could understand, The Post was going to try to appeal to people who weren’t necessarily committed to news. Well, The New York Times figured that out ten years ago, expanding into games, sports, cooking and product recommendations. The Post was just eating its dust.

…there is no vision, no game plan, and no commitment to build on existing traffic. Instead, the buyouts have removed some of The Post’s biggest traffic generators — and I don’t see a strategy to replace what has been lost. Lewis invested time and resources in creating what he called “a third newsroom” — his one big idea — but the effort was abruptly dropped last month, and the manager who had led it also took the buyout.

I do not know a single person who left The Post because they did not embrace the organization’s “reinvention” as it was a chimera…working at The Post feels like being on the Titanic after it struck an iceberg — drifting aimlessly as it sank, with not enough lifeboats for everyone. The Carpathia (i.e., Bezos) appears too far away and too distracted to help. And the captain is shouting commands that the solution is a different ship.