Emmanuel Gonzalez-Garcia had been reported missing on Oct. 5 after selling fruit with his mother. He ended up in the custody of the Office of Refugee Resettlement as an unaccompanied immigrant minor.

No injuries had been reported by local authorities as of Tuesday afternoon, when the National Weather Service confirmed that two tornadoes had ripped through northwest Harris County within a span of 30 minutes on Monday.

In brief: Today’s post dives into the very warm Gulf waters, which have been driving this month’s anomalously warm temperatures. We also look ahead to exceptional weather for Thanksgiving and a soggy weekend. Also, I review how that ‘crazy’ long-range holiday forecast I made 12 days ago held up. Am I a turkey?

A November to remember

With less than a week to go in the month of November, the city of Houston’s average high for this month has been 80.3 degrees (normal average high for the month is 72.6 degrees). Now we are going to come down off of this a little, because after today our highs for the remainder of the months will be closer to 70 degrees than 80. But still, it’s been hot. We had 10 days in the middle of the month where every day had a high of 83 degrees, or above.

As always with climate and weather there are no simple answers, but I think one main driver of our anomalously warm November is the Gulf. For much of this month we have had a southerly flown off the water, and that has led to warmer days and nights. Let’s take a look at the current map for sea surface temperature anomaly in the Gulf, which simply means how much warmer (or cooler) the surface is than usual. Note the temperatures in the map below are depicted in Celsius, rather than Fahrenheit.

Surface temperatures right along the shelf of the Gulf, by the Texas and Louisiana coasts, are running 5 to 8 degrees Fahrenheit above normal. That’s really significant, and it helps explain why we’re having trouble cooling down closer to temperatures more typical of this time of year. This heat also extends below the surface. The graphic below depicts “ocean heat content,” which essentially includes measurement of surface and deeper waters in the Gulf.

Now the graphic is a little busy, but essentially the blue line represents “normal” heat content for the last decade, and the bright red line shows what’s happening this year. And the current total heat in the Gulf is higher right now than at any point over the last decade. So there is a lot of hot water out there. I’m sure there are complicated reasons for this, but it is hard to deny that this kind of heat is one consequence of a warming planet. We are finally going to cool down this week on land because the overall flow will shift to come from the north, rather than the south, keeping the warmer air over the Gulf offshore.

Tuesday

After Monday’s storms, including a couple of tornadoes, quieter conditions have prevailed across the region. Following the passage of a weak front, drier air will slowly seep into the region from the northwest today, bringing gradually falling dewpoints. However there just is not much oomph with this initial front, so most of Houston is likely to see high temperatures in the vicinity of 80 degrees today. In contrast to our usual daytime pattern, highs will likely be a little warmer closer to the coast, whereas areas further inland remain in the upper 70s, more influenced by the front. You’ll notice the lower humidity by this afternoon, and this evening will feel mighty pleasant. Skies will be clear. Lows tonight will drop into the 50s for most.

Wednesday

A secondary push of colder and drier air, this time with more impetus behind it, arrives on Wednesday. This will lead to a day with mostly sunny skies and a high temperature in the neighborhood of 70 degrees. Winds will be gusty in the middle of the day, up to 20 or 25 mph as the northerly air blows in. Our humidity will drop even further, with lows on Wednesday night falling into the 40s for most locations away from the coast.

Thursday

After a chilly start, Thanksgiving will be a beautiful, sunny day with highs generally in the upper 60s and light winds. The National Weather Service, this morning, is actually forecasting a high of 68 degrees at both Bush Intercontinental and Hobby airports. I’m not going to brag—as a forecaster it pays to be humble, because you’re always going to miss some shots—but remember when I made that long-term Thanksgiving forecast 12 days ago? You guessed it, I predicted a high of 68 degrees. I was wrong about the rain chances, they’re not 30 percent, they’re closer to zero. As for the partly cloudy skies predicted then, I would go with mostly sunny instead. Lows on Thursday night will be similar to Wednesday night.

Friday

The onshore flow will kick in Thursday night or Friday morning, and this will set us on a warming curve. Friday will be partly to mostly cloudy, with highs around 70 degrees. Lows on Friday night will only drop into the 60s. Some slight rain chances return Friday night.

Saturday and Sunday

An approaching frontal system from the west is going to bring wetter conditions this weekend. Generally, I think we can expect highs in the mid-70s on Saturday, with fairly widespread, light to moderate showers. It won’t be wall-to-wall rain, but beginning Saturday morning we’ll see healthy rain chances that persist through the weekend. At some point a front is likely to move into the area, and this likely will occur on Saturday night or Sunday morning, some time. Sunday, therefore, will probably be cooler, in the 60s, with ongoing 60 to 70 percent rain chances. At this time the weather pattern appears unlikely to support severe thunderstorms, but we shall see.

Next week

I expect rain chances to linger after this front, probably through Monday and into Tuesday, even as we see gradually falling temperatures. We should see a few colder days next week, with highs perhaps only in the 50s, and lows in the upper 30s or 40s. I don’t think a freeze is in the cards, but Houston is definitely going to feel a lot more like winter. We’ll keep a close eye on the forecast to see how it develops, and alert you if a freeze is likely.

Fundraiser

We’re into the final week of our annual fundraiser. Your support this year has been tremendous, and we really appreciate any help you can give. More information on how to donate or purchase merchandise can be found here.

Not “things” again!

If you lived here, you’d be strafed by now.

WASHINGTON—Warning that the film might evoke certain feelings that audience members weren’t prepared to confront, the Motion Picture Association reportedly assigned Zootopia 2 a PG-13 rating Tuesday for sexually awakening content. “We were quite alarmed by the places we found our thoughts drifting to, and we’re confident the majority of Zootopia 2 viewers will agree,” said MPA spokesperson Richard Weir, who cited Cape buffalo Chief Bogo’s broad shoulders, red fox Nick Wilde’s dreamy gaze, and rabbit Judy Hopps’ “whole deal, from her head to that irresistible little tail,” all as reasons behind the higher-than-expected rating. “We warned Disney not to put Nick Wilde in a tux, but they didn’t listen. Frankly, if we hadn’t gone to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on our faces halfway through, it would have been an R. Parents who bring their children to see Zootopia 2 should be prepared to have some difficult conversations with their kids about attraction. And maybe with their spouses too.” According to sources, Disney has challenged the rating, arguing that the introduction of the repulsive Gary De’Snake canceled out the rest of the characters’ raw sex appeal.

The post MPA Rates ‘Zootopia 2’ PG-13 For Sexually Awakening Content appeared first on The Onion.

PROVIDENCE, RI—Shedding new light on the everyday life of citizens during the Industrial Revolution, historians at Brown University concluded in a study published Tuesday that the average 19th-century American spent roughly 93% of their waking hours waving at trains and boats. “Journal entries from the period show that most citizens spent their days stationed at docks and rail platforms shouting things like ‘Do write when you get to Siam!’ to anyone who happened to be leaving,” said lead author Casey Hogan, adding that in early daguerreotype photographs, Americans are often seen with one abnormally muscular arm from years of constantly greeting or bidding farewell. “The primary reason medical breakthroughs, sanitation, and improvements in standard of living were delayed in their development is that all of the nation’s top minds spent nearly 15 hours a day sprinting toward steamboats to yell things like ‘Bon voyage!’ and ‘Good welcome, inspector!’ Most people today don’t realize how grueling life could be for the average person of this period. Americans would rise before dawn to see off departing loved ones, chase steam locomotives down the tracks until they collapsed, and then immediately hurry back to the docks to cheerfully greet a returning transatlantic vessel by shouting something like ‘Hurrah! Safe harbor at last!’” Hogan noted that it’s difficult to overstate just how much the 1800s were a period of great change, as only a few decades earlier, most Americans had been accustomed to spending the majority of their time weeping into Mama’s bosom as their sweetheart rode away on horseback.

The post Study: Average 19th-Century American Spent 93% Of Time Waving At Trains, Boats appeared first on The Onion.

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Beloved Readers, It’s been just over a year since we launched our Patreon, and to say that it has completely saved our asses would be an understatement. From the bottom of our snarky Canadian hearts, THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who joined. Thanks to your generosity, we’ve been able to do all (okay, most) […]

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – United States President Donald Trump announced that his administration would not implement the intended 100% tariffs on films made outside the US, so long as they are just as mind-numbingly stupid as ones made in America. “While we assert that our movie-making industry has been unfairly stolen away by other countries, we […]

The post Trump removes tariffs on foreign films that are just as dumb as American ones appeared first on The Beaverton.

“President Donald Trump on Wednesday sought to bring a swift end to perhaps the most damaging saga of his term, signing a measure compelling the release of the Epstein files after losing a monthslong, tooth-and-nail fight to prevent their disclosure.” – CNN

Congress finally passed the Epstein Files Transparency Act (also known as “EPTA,” “FML,” or “RIPDJT”), and I could not have been happier to sign this bipartisan bill into law. In fact, my hands are rattling with uncontrollable excitement, and my teeth are so gritted with anticipation that they’re grinding into white tooth dust. That’s how much I love this bill.

Listen, nobody is more pumped for this bill to become law than me. The only reason I spent months fighting with every fiber of my being to block the release of the Epstein files was that I knew that the harder I fought it, the faster Congress would push it through. I’m glad my strategy paid off—you can tell by the way my forehead is dripping with joyful sweat.

The truth is, the lying media and loser Democrats have all been playing checkers while I’ve been playing chess. And I know a thing or two about chess, because just like in chess, I’m a king who everyone is out to get.

Why did I spend months questioning the existence of these wonderful files? Why have I tried to distance myself from that creep Epstein, despite all the photos and emails and birthday cards? Because, like a grandmaster, I was employing a clever gambit that worked flawlessly. That’s why my heart was pounding out of my chest with glee when I put pen to paper and signed the bill.

Critics have accused me of spending the last week carrying out increasingly desperate antics in an effort to distract from the release of the Epstein files, including but not limited to:

• Inviting the socialist mayor-elect of New York City to the White House and then becoming so enamored by him that I began dressing exactly like him in a way that feels straight out of Mean Girls
• Threatening to execute Democratic lawmakers for suggesting that the military should follow the Constitution
• Proposing a Ukraine peace plan so pro-Russia that even Vladimir Putin was like, “You’re giving us the entire Donbas region? Are you sure?”
• Eliminating the penny because gold is better than copper, and also because many people are saying that I’m a better president than Lincoln
• Taking calls from the Washington Commanders begging me to let them name their new stadium after me
• Engaging in a sophisticated battle of wits with my greatest ally-turned-nemesis, Marjorie Taylor Greene

As usual, this is all fake news. I’ve actually spent most of the last week demonstrating how much I love women by calling them “piggy” (a term of endearment) and studying Louis C.K.’s ongoing redemption tour so that if I, too, face consequences for made-up sex crimes, I’ll have a blueprint for what to do. I’m basically the Bobby Fischer of PR crisis management in the sense that I’m a tactical genius famous for violently lashing out at my opponents and having weird views about race.

On that note, I have asked Attorney General Pam Bondi to open inquiries into the real abusers—prominent Democrats. And yes, launching new inquiries into Democrats with ties to Epstein will mean that Pam won’t be able to release certain files, since they would interfere with ongoing investigations. But keeping an undisclosed percentage of the Epstein files hidden from public view for who knows how long is a small price to pay for finally holding these corrupt liberals accountable.

Rest assured, though, the remaining files will be released, just with a few minor edits to some unfortunate nomenclature:

• “underage girls” will be replaced with “emerging women”
• “sex trafficking” will be replaced with “study abroad programs”
• “unwanted touching” will be replaced with “possibly wanted touching”
• “harm” will be replaced with “roofie-induced displays of affection”
• “pedophilia” will be replaced with “intergenerational outreach”
• “rape” will be replaced with “deregulated consent”
• “lecherous” will be replaced with “exuberant leadership style of a man unafraid to push boundaries and blur lines, especially the boundaries and lines that determine the metaphysical tenets of space and time and everything”

As much as it pains me to redact, amend, and withhold these files, I take solace in how much taxpayer money we will save on paper. That money will pay for lawyers when I file lawsuits against all of the Democrats who perpetrated this hoax.

Okay, so folks, don’t worry about me. This is what I’ve always wanted. And that sound of a growling dog being backed into a corner is just me snarling with delight. I still have plenty of moves. After all, you can’t lose at chess if you flip the board over.

Plex is starting to enforce its new rules, which prevent users from remotely accessing a personal media server without a subscription fee.

Previously, people outside of a server owner’s network could access the owner’s media library through Plex for free. Under the new rules announced in March, a server owner needs to have a Plex Pass subscription, which starts at $7 per month, to grant users remote access to their server. Alternatively, someone can remotely access another person’s Plex server by buying their own Plex Pass or a Remote Watch Pass, which is a subscription with fewer features than a Plex Pass and that Plex started selling in April for a $2/month starting price.

Plex’s new rules took effect on April 29. According to a recent Plex forums post by a Plex employee that How-To Geek spotted today, the changes are rolling out this week, with a subscription being required for people using Plex’s Roku OS app for remote access. The Plex employee added:

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Comments

lawyer

clean deals done in the daylight

Girl and Fish are waiting for Penguin to finish cooking eggs.

Girl: "So the president was corrupt!"

Fish: "You misunderstand, it was all perfectly legal."

...

Guard: "Mister president, a MilTek lawyer is here to see you."

President: "...oh my free market... Send him in."

Lawyer: "President Magenta, love what you've done with the place!"

President: "Henderson, I don't have time for banter, we just lost Hawaii!"

Lawyer: "Sorry to hear that. Naval invasion?"

President: "Auction. State your biz."

Lawyer: "We - meaning my company - saw what you and MATA just got past `THE PEOPLE'. We're developing something really cool I am not at liberty to talk about - but we could really use all that fresh data!"

President: "Pinky promise not to do anything nefarious!"

Laywer: "How about I pay you instead!"

President: "Sure."

Lawyer: "Great! I already brought all the paperwork!"

The subject MilTek can do whatever it wants.

https://analognowhere.com/_/gcomeu

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"milliards" means "billions" btw.

Here is Emergent Garden's thoughts on emergent complexity. I go through a tour of simple systems that produce unexpected complexity, and try to break down emergence into more general and useful ideas. We talk about snowflakes and ant colonies, cellular automata and universe simulations, and the many weird ideas of Stephen Wolfram. I also offer some advice for creating and encouraging emergent behavior. This video is important to me. Emergence is the most interesting thing in the universe.

~SUPPORT ME~
Scrimba: https://scrimba.com/?via=EmergentGarden
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/emergentgarden
Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/emergentgarden
Twitter: https://twitter.com/max_romana
Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/emergentgarden.bsky.social

~SOURCES~
Particle Life: https://sandbox-science.com/particle-life
Universe Sandbox: https://universesandbox.com/
Lego Galaxy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djLyoDmSPF0
Big Bang: https://svs.gsfc.nasa.gov/12656/
Emergence Animation: https://www.pexels.com/video/an-artist-s-illustration-of-artificial-intelligence-ai-this-video-explores-how-ai-can-be-used-advance-biology-and-protein-folding-it-was-created-by-twistedpoly-as-part-of-the-visualisi-25744130/
Ants Solving Maze: https://www.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/1hlyvmw/ants_making_a_smart_maneuver/
Neuron Footage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TIK9oXc5Wo
Snowflake Footage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-PQk2-Po-g
The Life Engine: https://thelifeengine.net
Water Molecule Sim: https://x.com/EdgarGonzalezGT/status/1877078173910753452
Langton's Ant Simulator: https://evolvecode.io/turmites/index.html
Conway's Game of Life: https://playgameoflife.com/
Recursive Game of Life: https://oimo.io/works/life/
A New Kind of Science: https://www.wolframscience.com/nks/
Stephen Wolfram Podcasts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdE-waSx-d8&list=PLdwvZsAHiSKvHTqcoqGp-mv9ChTYxtZsD
Complexity, A Guided Tour: https://www.amazon.com/Complexity-Guided-Tour-Melanie-Mitchell/dp/0199798109
Wolfram Hypergraph Simulator: https://met4citizen.github.io/Hypergraph/
Atom Orbital Simulation: https://www.falstad.com/qmatom/
Lego Bonsai Alternate Build: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnuCOrCJojw
Lego Blocks Made of Legos:
Tornado: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGcGFU_Hi9U
Carl Sagan's Cosmos: https://archive.org/details/cosmos_1980/COSMOS_01.mp4.
Terry Davis Quote: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0qmkQGqpM8

My Music Guy: https://www.youtube.com/@acolyte-compositions
"Deliberate Thought"
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

~TIMESTAMPS~
(0:00) The Lego Universe
(2:03) What is Emergence?
(4:39) Building Blocks
(8:50) Rules
(14:24) Complexity and Simplicity
(19:52) Unpredictable Chaos
(22:27) A New Kind of Science
(25:45) Making Emergence
(31:48) Goodbye

Well ... it was the only Y word we could think of.
What? Yahoo?
Yippee! #CowboyWho

Hi kids! Golly, that was some kinda short cartoon! #CowboyWho

#Ryo #RoninWarriors

President Trump accused Democratic lawmakers of “seditious behavior” after they released a video urging U.S. service members to refuse unlawful orders, claiming that it could be “punishable by death.” What do you think?

The post Trump Claims Democrats’ Video To Military ‘Seditious Behavior, Punishable By Death’ appeared first on The Onion.

Writing is an unavoidable part of research. If you’re considering a career at the lab bench, be prepared: there’s a lot of it. From meticulously keeping lab notes to drafting detailed reports and journal papers, writing is written into every stage of the research process. But if its sheer volume sounds daunting, don’t worry; you’ll fit right in.

Researchers are terrible at getting writing done.

I can confidently say that right now, researchers around the world are reading these words while thinking, somewhere deep in the back of their minds, “I should be writing.” I’m in that same group. Even as I write these words, I’m thinking, “I should be writing that paper I’ve been promising to finish for two years.” There’s always writing to do, and as researchers, we are experts at putting it off.

It all starts innocently enough, with thoughts like, “I’ve got loads of time,” or, “I should wait until after X to start.” This is a direct result of deadline overconfidence, where the vast expanse of time between being given the task and its deadline makes the work feel like a mere blip – a rounding error of time. And if the work is just a blip, why start now?

You might think the solution to deadline overconfidence is tighter deadlines to provide more realistic motivation. Unfortunately, this just shifts the problem to deadline fatalism. If the deadline seems impossible, why bother rushing to get something done? You’re already doomed, so why not be doomed at a more relaxed pace – one that fits nicely around your other equally doomed projects?

Both of these deadline-related issues are exacerbated by journals and conferences setting submission deadlines that are often absurdly far in the future. (I recently received a reminder to submit a 100-word abstract for a conference in December 2025.) On top of that, these deadlines are rarely as firm as they seem. The so-called “hard” deadlines are about as hard as agar, with extensions granted to the extensions of the extensions.

Eventually, a researcher might finally sit down to write and be productive… but what if they could be more productive? Writing is difficult, after all, and requires the perfect setup: research notes, hot drinks, snacks, ideal lighting, an ergonomic chair position, and just the right playlist. Starting to write is one thing, but if you don’t have all these elements perfectly arranged, your productivity will suffer. Surely, it makes sense to invest some time in getting everything just right before starting because then you’ll write so much faster and easily make up the lost time.

And so begins the spiral of productive procrastination, which often only ends with panic, acceptance, and, finally, actual writing.

I’ve heard many researchers claim they work better under pressure. Perhaps they’re telling the truth – I couldn’t say. I’ve only ever seen their work when it’s been fuelled by caffeine and sheer panic. For all I know, if they started writing well ahead of time, their output would be truly terrible, and the only real improvement would be to their blood pressure.

One day, I’d love to know the answer. But not today. This article was written just a few hours before the magazine went to print, so it’s high blood pressure and panic all the way for me.

New comic!
Today's News:

Dollman has truly amazing timing for predicting when I'm about to compulsively check my map. I suspect he's doing this on purpose, for attention, and it is working.

chatcontrol

UNITED CORPORATE STATES OF EURAMERICAFRICA

Girl and Fish walk home from a store.

Girl: "But what was their excuse to take away the FOSS critters' rights?"

Fish: "It's basically your fault."

UNITED CORPORATE STATES OF EURAMERICAFRICA, VERY LONG TIME AGO:

Speaker: "Our corporate benefactors have pledged full cooperation with the federal government. But as long as these... "animals" are allowed to exist, our children will never be safe."

MATACORP representative winks and thumbs up.

Crowd: "YEAH!"

Penguin and Fish representatives of the FOSS republic: "He does know we're in the room, right?"

"oh yes"

https://analognowhere.com/_/orhmte

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TORONTO – While watching a movie at home with friends, local cinephile Jacob Meznik repeatedly pointed out all the times the movie gave away that it was clearly shot in Toronto, blissfully unaware that the movie was set in Toronto. “Look! As they’re walking, you can see the reflection of a streetcar in the window […]

The post “You can totally tell this movie was shot in Toronto,” says man about movie set in Toronto appeared first on The Beaverton.

BELCHERTOWN, MA—Cautiously eyeing up a nearby mare in what barnyard sources described as a mixture of flirtation and guarded optimism, local horse Oatmeal reportedly took several moments Monday to assess whether a potential mate was also a horse. “I have pretty high standards, so I just want to make sure she’s the one for me before I make any sort of move,” said Oatmeal, carefully studying the animal’s general shape, number of legs, long face, and possession of hooves to determine whether she was the same kind of animal he was. “I wouldn’t want to sire a hinny again, so I have to be kind of picky, but hey, so far, so good. I gotta admit, I like what I see. Her eyes are, like, two feet from her lips, just like mine, and damn, look at the tail on her! She definitely has one. Having a tail is a great sign she’s also a horse, which is really important to me. Oh yeah, look at the way she eats an apple and has a guy on top of her—that’s horse for sure. I’m really attracted to the kind of species she is, so I think I’m gonna trot on over and mount. Wish me luck, fellas!” At press time, reports confirmed Oatmeal had been rejected and was desperately hitting on a pig.

The post Horse Carefully Assesses Potential Mate For Also Being Horse appeared first on The Onion.

The post Ken Burns’ ‘The American Revolution’ Ends With Number To Call If You Considering Founding Nation appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Reversing course after fierce backlash over the decision’s potentially divisive nature, the U.S. Coast Guard announced Friday that it would abandon plans to reclassify the swastika from a hate symbol to the military branch’s official mascot. “As of now, there are no ongoing plans to continue rolling out ‘Heily the Sailin’ Swastika’ as our fun new spokesperson,” said Coast Guard media relations chair Nikolas Briggs, confirming that all orders of merchandise featuring the jaunty, anthropomorphized swastika had been frozen, and that the costumed character would no longer make crowd-hyping appearances before Coast Guard events. “We had thought it might be fun to add a little patriotic spirit to functions by having Heily shoot out brown shirts and Hakenkreuz armbands to cheering Coast Guardsmen and their spouses, but after reading your letters, we understand this plan may be more polarizing than intended. Starting today, the Coast Guard will no longer endorse, in any official capacity, Heily’s catchphrase ‘Full speed a-heil!’ nor will Heily greet service members’ families alongside his cute but grumpy sidekick tugboat, the S.S. Officer. Given the symbol’s history, we now feel it would be more appropriate to reclassify the swastika as merely an official alternate logo for the U.S. Coast Guard.” At press time, the Coast Guard was reportedly finalizing plans for its replacement mascot, “Loopy the Noose.”

The post Coast Guard Backtracks On Plan To Reclassify Swastikas As Mascot appeared first on The Onion.