Dianamitek

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said today he is "concerned" by the threat of export restrictions being imposed by the European Union, but insisted his government would work hard to ensure vaccine doses continue to flow into Canada.

“Leave something of sweetness and substance in the mouth of the world.”

A year ago, I lost my darling friend Emily Levine (October 23, 1944–February 3, 2019). Figuring, in which she rightly occupies the first line of the acknowledgements, was just being released. The book would not have existed without her, nor would The Universe in Verse — several years earlier, Emily had swung open for me the doorway to the world of poetry in an incident of comical profundity emblematic of her singular and irreplaceable spirit, which I recounted with ample affection and no small dose of embarrassment about fifty minutes into the inaugural Universe in Verse.

After her terminal diagnosis in 2016, I began taking Emily on periodic getaways in nature. We called them poetry retreats — weekends of soaring, meandering conversation, inventive cooking (one instance involving a thallus of kelp collected at low tide, which we had used as a dog leash before dining on it), and delicious poetry-reading, which we recorded on a phone as tender mementos from these precious hours, not fully realizing in the moment the bittersweetness of the act.

This poem, originally published in The Sun in 2010, is the last poem Emily read at the last poetry retreat three weeks before she returned her stardust to the universe.

COLD SOLACE
by Anna Belle Kaufman

When my mother died,
one of her honey cakes remained in the freezer.
I couldn’t bear to see it vanish,
so it waited, pardoned,
in its ice cave behind the metal trays
for two more years.

On my forty-first birthday
I chipped it out,
a rectangular resurrection,
hefted the dead weight in my palm.

Before it thawed,
I sawed, with serrated knife,
the thinnest of slices —
Jewish Eucharist.

The amber squares
with their translucent panes of walnuts
tasted — even toasted — of freezer,
of frost,
a raisined delicacy delivered up
from a deli in the underworld.

I yearned to recall life, not death —
the still body in her pink nightgown on the bed,
how I lay in the shallow cradle of the scattered sheets
after they took it away,
inhaling her scent one last time.

I close my eyes, savor a wafer of
sacred cake on my tongue and
try to taste my mother, to discern
the message she baked in these loaves
when she was too ill to eat them:

I love you.
It will end.
Leave something of sweetness
and substance
in the mouth of the world.

Taste a little more of the raisined delicacy of Emily’s voice with her bittersweet reading of “You Can’t Have It All” — a buoy of a poem by Barbara Ras — then savor her extraordinary TED talk about learning to die.

Portrait by John Keatley

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More evidence is pointing to how nature plays a role in diminishing attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), as well as improving mental well-being.

The decision by Veterans Affairs Canada to pay for treatment for a Halifax man who never served in the military and got PTSD from murdering an off-duty police officer is upsetting both an advocate for veterans and a family member of the officer.

A Toronto woman says she took to social media to warn female travellers, after a security guard at a Dominican Republic resort raped her and the hotel “did nothing” to investigate.

Scientists have discovered seven Earth-sized planets orbiting a small star 39 light-years away, with several planets believed to be capable of having water.

So, on this site we talk a lot about being connected parents.

About guiding and supporting our kids in their journey through childhood, so they can grow up to be fantastic human beings.

Today though I want to take a step back and look specifically at those instances when we need to get out of the way so we can be better parents.

It was amazing how many situations I could come up with once I got thinking!

We’ve got a lot to cover, so let’s dive right in –

#1 When Your Lid Is About To Blow

Let’s just start off with a bang.

Sometimes there are instances when we can get angry in a controlled manner.

And then, there are those when all sanity has left the building, and we simply want to scream, rant and rave not caring a hoot to what destruction it leaves in its wake.

These are instances when we need to get away to be by ourselves and calm down before reacting.

Not only are you making sure that you don’t spew cruel words that can really harm your child emotionally for years to come, but you are also you teaching your child how to stay calm and properly handle heated situations.

So when you feel like your lid is about to blow, get out of your child’s way and put yourself in a timeout. You’ll be glad you did!

#2 When Your Child Is Learning

I struggle with this so badly.

I homeschool all three of our boys. Part of being their teacher is that I get to actually be hands on and help them learn everything.

But I have had to learn that there is a time to teach and a time to move over and let them take the reins.

My youngest finished up kindergarten this year. We had a great time, and he really enjoyed his first year of homeschool.

One of the things he learned this past year was how to read. Talk about having to learn when to move over! He went from learning words to being a really fluent reader rather quickly.

Almost too quickly because I had a really hard time when he would say, “I know Mama. I can read that!”

We all know our children are very intelligent but sometimes I think it is hard for us to swallow just how capable they are.

But we certainly don’t want to hinder them. So if your child is learning anything new, let them. They’ll let you know if they truly need help.

Like me, you might find yourself surprised at how quickly they are able to pick something up and run with it.

#3 When Siblings Are Bickering But Not Harming Each Other

Our boys are 6 and 5 years apart. Don’t let that fool you for a second. They can still argue with the best of them.

But I had to learn early on that I couldn’t referee every argument being had. For one, I’d go crazy and for two, there just isn’t enough time in the day for me to do all that needs to be done around our home and still be able to decide fairly who looked at who first.

The biggest reason why I can’t referee these (seemingly petty) arguments is because my kids need to learn how to deal with conflict themselves. A little bit of arguing really isn’t a bad thing.

You might be raising your eyebrows at your computer screen by this point but truly, if they are arguing and not being harmful to the other, it means they are communicating their feelings with each other.

And to me, that is an awesome thing to have happening in my house. If you’ve never dealt with someone who can’t express their emotions then let me tell you, it is a terrible experience.

I don’t want that for my boys. I want them to be able to verbalize their feelings whether it be over something major or the pettiest of things. They learn this through their ‘interesting’ arguments with each other.

So if your kids aren’t verbally or physically abusing each other, then save yourself the frustration and let your kids learn how to deal with conflict. They will thank you for it down the road. It’s the best solution to handling sibling rivalry!

#4 When Your Child Is Doing School Work

Whether you send your kids to public school, home school them, or send them to private school they all have to study; do projects; and maybe even do homework.

When your kids are trying to accomplish these tasks, let them do them. They learn so much by simply being able to complete these tasks on their own.

I have to be honest. Growing up, I was raised by a single parent so I had to do my school work solo most nights.

It really wasn’t a bad thing. I got good grades and really grasped most of the material. I try really hard to include independent learning in our homeschool for this reason.

I learned firsthand that someone can teach and show kids something all day but until they get to put their minds to work on it, they probably aren’t going to fully grasp the concept.

Now, I had friends growing up that had very involved parents. That isn’t a bad thing either. I obviously consider myself to be one of those parents. But their parents would take things a little far at times.

My friends would turn in great looking projects and get great grades on them, but you’d find out later that it was their parents that did most of the work.

Though their children got a great grade on it, did they really get that feeling of accomplishment and understand all of the learning objectives by the end of the project or assignment?

Probably not. So if your kids are doing a project, assignment, or homework it is okay to help them a little if they get stuck. But give them the opportunity to battle through it as well. Support them from the sidelines and guide them through any frustrating situations. They will learn so much more and it will certainly carry over into real-life situations too.

#5 When Your Child Is Trying To Form A Friendship

I am certainly preaching to the choir on this one. When my kids are on a playdate; on the playground; or at a social gathering it is so hard to sit down and let my kids be social.

On the playground I want to make sure they aren’t being rude in any way; they aren’t getting hurt; and I want to know the social security numbers and run a background check on any new person they meet.

Okay, so I’m kidding on that last point, but I want to be very aware of all of their situations. Their safety and manners are very important to me in any sort of social setting.

However, I have to remind myself, I can watch them from a safe distance and still allow them the freedom to figure out how to form new friendships.

I can see from a safe distance if my kids are pushing others or breaking line. I can see from a safe distance if they have fallen and are really hurt. And I can also see from a safe distance if someone is hanging around them in a suspicious manner or is trying to lure my child away.

I don’t have to hover like a helicopter.

So if your children are in a social setting, remind yourself that the park has benches for a reason. It doesn’t mean you have to get lost in your phone or a book. It just means that you should sit. And watch from a safe distance.

Our kids need friends, and we have to give them the opportunity to learn how to make them and enjoy being with their friends.

#6 When Your Child Is Journaling or Writing a Diary

I love to write. I have always loved to write from the time I was a small child. It was a great way for me to express myself.

So it is no surprise that I think it is great for kids to journal or keep a diary. It allows them to write down precious memories while also allowing them to get things off of their chests and banish stress.

But when kids are journaling or writing in their diaries, we need to respect that time as a personal time for them.

They don’t want to write down personal things with us hovering over them. It is a time for them to release whatever they’ve had going on that day—whether it be good or bad.

When my kids are journaling I encourage them to do it in their rooms so they can have some privacy. I’ve encouraged my kids to have alone time every day because I need alone time daily. So I understand what those precious moments allowing yourself to decompress can mean to your day.

Our boys have watched me for years. They know first thing in the morning I head to our back porch. That is my time to drink coffee, pray, read, and journal to start my day off on the right foot and with the right mindset.

I can’t do that with my kids running around next to me. So they know when mom is on the back porch early in the morning they need to let me be during that time. I try to keep that in mind during their alone time as well.

So if your kids journal, keep a diary, or just like to have a few moments alone try to show them the same respect as you would want shown to you during your alone time. Our kids need time to decompress just as we do.

#7 When Your Child Is Quietly Entertaining Themselves

I have one child that can entertain himself all day and another that can for five minutes. It is funny how kids are just wired differently.

Either way, if your child is entertaining themselves, step aside and let them do just that.

The best way to encourage our children’s creativity and learning is to let them be bored.

Out of boredom comes genius. So allow your kids some time to simply play or read alone. You’ll be surprised what ideas they come up with and what knowledge they gain.

If we start interjecting they miss that opportunity to learn how to be entertained by themselves.

That is an important skill because if your children don’t learn now how to be okay with being alone then it sets a bad pace for older years. So many people make poor choices simply because they don’t know how to be okay with being alone. It is how a lot of teenagers end up running with the wrong crowd.

Also, allowing our kids to play alone does help our children build confidence. If they are able to play by themselves, read by themselves, or just enjoy being alone sometimes then they are gaining confidence in who they are.

According to About Parenting, “Kids who play by themselves learn to have fun on their own. They don’t count on others for happiness or entertainment.”

This is a great quality to let your children instill in themselves. It helps them to be better-rounded. So don’t hinder that growth within them. Just step aside and let them have fun by themselves.

#8 When Your Kids Are Coping With A Trial

There are some instances in life when our kids go through things, and they need us to help them cope.

Then there are instances in life when kids just want to cope with certain things on their own. When those moments strike, instead of hounding our children to let us in, we need to respect their wishes and step aside for the moment.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn. My oldest two boys are not my biological children. Though, they know I see no difference between them and the one that I did birth, it has definitely brought about different challenges for them.

Because they didn’t make it to our home until they were 7 and 12, they had to face some hard knocks in life at a young age.

They faced a lot of things that even some adults don’t have to deal with. My first instinct was to help them sort through everything.

We began by talking and just getting stuff out in the open so they could move forward. But then we hit a point that they just didn’t want to talk anymore.

They had some days where they were sad and confused. And other days they were seemingly fine. I grew concerned, but they finally got me to realize that some things they needed to process in their own minds for a while.

But when they were ready or had questions, they always came back to talk about whatever hurdle they faced. Be there for them, but in the sidelines. Give them roots and give them wings.

So if your kids are going through something, but they just want to process a little while on their own it is okay to step back and give them that time.

They’ll be thankful for your patience. I know my boys certainly were, and they also gained the knowledge of how to sort through situations on their own. Thankfully, they both have come through their rough beginnings so well and have blossomed into great young men.

#9 When Your Kids Are Trying To Stick Up For Themselves

We all face tough social situations. It is just a part of life. It is inevitable that we will deal with people that, to put it simply, just don’t know how to play nice.

So if your children find themselves in this type of situation, don’t be so quick to jump to their defense.

Now, I want to state upfront that if another child is laying hands on your child or is bullying your child, by all means go to bat.

But if it is a simple situation, step aside and let your child have the opportunity to stand up for themselves. They are going to have to start learning now how to cope with people in these situations. And the more practice they get the easier things will be for them in the long run.

This was something my mom wasn’t very good at when we were younger. She was our mother and no one was going to mess with her children. She meant well, and I love her for it.

But as I got older, it was really hard for me to stop depending on her to fight my battles. I struggled a lot in work settings because I had a terrible time standing up for myself. It was easier to be railroaded.

Now, I try really hard to allow my children to handle these experiences on their own because I don’t want them to grow up and not know how to take a stand for themselves. Hopefully they’ll have it figured out at a much younger age than I did.

#10 When Your Children Become Young Adults

I have a child that is now 17 years old. I had to learn through his teenage years when I should step in and when I should step back.

I learned when it came to him making decisions for his future, that his dad and I had to give him room to make some decisions for himself.

This is not an easy thing for a parent to do. I had to face this just today. My son had an opportunity to go on a mission trip to Costa Rica, and he really felt like that was what he needed to do.

It is hard to put your child on a plane to a foreign country and out of your sight for days on end. But we supported him because we knew he was making the right choice.

That was a moment I had to step aside and let him make the choice. Though I had my fears, I still took him to board that plane this morning.

But I got a text before the plane took off letting me know how much he loved me and that he was glad he got to go.

That let me know that somewhere along the way to this point, we made a few right decisions. And I truly believe that giving him the ability to help make his own choices was one of them.

The 2-Minute Action Plan for Fine Parents

For our contemplation questions today:

1. Be honest with yourself: Do you have a tendency to hover like a helicopter in instances where your kids really want some freedom?
2. What is your children’s reaction to your hovering behavior?
3. Is there a situation approaching that you can plan to intentionally ‘step back’ from?
4. If you struggle with stepping back, can you identify your fears?

The Ongoing Action Plan for Fine Parents

1. Be Truthful: As they say, accepting that you may have a problem in letting go is the first step to solving the problem.
2. Identify your fears: Now take a step back and figure out why you can’t let go. More likely than not, at the root of not letting go is some kind of a fear. In the interest of raising independent, well-adjusted kids, look for ways to deal with these fears while still giving your kids little bit of room to stretch those wings.
3. Make The Choice To No Longer Hover: Make it a big deal. Talk with your children to let them know that you realize that they desire independence, and you are going to try really hard to give it to them in ways that is freeing for them but safe at the same time.
4. Identify Where You Can Step Back: You are almost finished! Just realize the opportunities that are available and take advantage of them! You will be a much better parent for it, and your children will grow into strong, independent adults because they were given the opportunity to learn how now.

The post 10 Instances When You Should Get Out Of The Way To Be a Better Parent appeared first on A Fine Parent.

melisica:

Farhad Moshiri, Art with kitchen knives

From Ellen's star-studded selfie to Sandra Bullock's tearful acceptance speech and Sidney Poitier's barrier-breaking best actor win, here's a look at 12 unforgettable Oscar moments.

What Do You Do When Your Teen Is On Grindr?

Teens are coming out younger and younger. This is definitely a good thing; studies have shown that people who coming out early have less depression as adults. When you add new technology to that mix, though, parents can have trouble providing the insight and guidance teens need to navigate the world.

Luckily, that new technology that raises trouble can also provide solutions. For example, a year ago, an anonymous user going by Grindr_Mom asked the subreddit /r/AskGayBros what to do when one of her gay friends alerted her that her 15-year-old son was on Grindr:

I’m a 35 year old single mom. My son turned 15 in January. Last night I was at a party, and a gay friend of mine was showing me some funny messages he got on Grindr. It buzzed a couple times while we were looking at it and I realised I have been hearing those tones in my apartment.

It’s not really a shock to (kind of) find out my son is gay. I’ve kind of had my suspicions. What I don’t know is what to do now. On the one hand, I don’t want to force him to say anything to him until he’s ready, but on the other hand I don’t want him using Grindr (I have nothing against it, I use online dating sites myself, he’s just too young).

I’m going to have to say something about it, but I’d appreciate any advice about how I should go about this.

Aside from the first comment where TheTauNeutrino joked “download grindr and message him. trollface.png”, the vast majority of the 92 comment thread was genuine.

Some advice spoke from personal experience.

From atomicxblue:

Does he know your friend is gay? Maybe you can bring up that he got funny messages on Grindr and lead up to making sure whatever floats your son’s boat, he’s being safe online. 15 is too young to be worried about hooking up. I did it and regret it.

From p0rt25:

I would react sooner than later. When I was his age I had guys manipulating me and trying to court me into meeting etc. Things have probably improved a lot but still. If you need any help or if your son has questions or anything feel free to reach out to me or the group. Again, thank you for being understanding and welcoming to your son…it seriously made my day.

From assjtt:

If I was in your situation I would definitely be concerned about my son using Grindr at that age.

That said, when I was 16 and completely closeted, I was given my mom’s old iPhone and immediately downloaded Grindr. It was my only outlet to talking to other gay people, and I feel like it helped me come to terms with myself. I never met anyone for hookups, but I did find people in the same situation as me, and I found it very helpful to be able to chat with them.

While it may be awkward, I think it would be best to acknowledge that he has grindr rather than the earlier suggestion of bringing up tinder. That way you could direct him to support services like a local lgbt youth group where he can get the same help me might be looking for on grindr. And if there’s no youth group, there are plenty of online forums for lgbt youth that would be a lot safer than browsing grindr, and a lot easier to monitor his activity on too.

Best of luck!

Other redditors brought up the potential legal problems. From 6james:

If he’s sharing explicit photos of himself he could find himself in a whole world of legal trouble. He could be charged with making and distributing child pornography. Anybody who receives those images could find himself in a load of trouble. If he actually meets anybody, that could be a legal nightmare for the person too.

From yesharoonie:

Phones and computers are a privilege, not a right. My parents always maintained the ability to remove my phone and monitor my online content. He’s 15. Grindr is not only inappropriate, it’s largely illegal (stat rape/child porn/underage viewing of adult content). That’s like saying searching a child’s room for drugs when you’ve caught them with a needle in their arm is ‘a breach of trust’. While I largely agree there should be no reason to go through daily, letting her son know that she can and will check his phone and computer at her own volition is more than reasonable.

Give him a talk about Tinder and gender neutral aps and let him know that you are not ok with them. Approach it from the angle that you love him and trust him but these things aren’t appropriate for his age. As awkward as it will be, give him the ‘sex talk’ (keep it gender neutral) but talk more about how it’s not that you don’t trust him, but that you don’t trust the ‘creeps’ that can use these sorts of apps.

One of the best responses came from user ikonoclasm, in response to another user’s suggestion of starting the conversation with gender-netural dating apps:

I’d suggest doing a lot of talking during that conversation so he doesn’t feel too put on the spot. Say something about the dating apps and then address the fact that it doesn’t filter for age and he may end up connecting with someone that could get in a lot of trouble being around someone so young. When he’s older, sure, he might meet some nice people, but the app is not intended for people his age.

I’d also give him 24 hours to remove anything from his phone that he doesn’t think is appropriate before he gives it to you to check. Tell him that you trust his judgment to make the right decisions for himself because you are proud of the young man you’ve raised him to be. Instead of making him feel persecuted, you’ll be showing you have faith in him and that you raised him well. At that point, he’ll want to keep that image you have of him and will actively work to earn that level of praise, even if he doesn’t deserve it just yet. No one wants to disappoint their mother, after all.

Don’t forget the usual bit about loving him and no matter what he does or who he’s with, you just want him to be safe and happy. It sounds like that’s unnecessary to tell you, but being closeted fucks with a kid’s head. It’s easy to miss things like a parent hinting they know and accept you being gay because it comes across as a little too good to be true and just wishful thinking. They don’t want to get it wrong and face the potential consequences of coming out, even when all the evidence seems to point to acceptance.

Grindr_Mom posted an update in a new thread, and it sounds like it went pretty well:

Hi again. I want to thank everyone for their advice, it was extremely helpful and I’ve no doubt I’ll be back to pick your collective brains again. I promised to update and, as I have the place to myself for the evening, I’ll do just that. I confronted the issue today because I had another sleepless night thinking up nightmare scenarios. It didn’t go to plan. It could have gone worse though.

We went for lunch and I started my talk about dating apps. He asked what brought this on. I lied, badly. He accused me of looking through his phone. I denied it. He didn’t believe me. I blurted out that I’d heard what I’d heard and I knew what it was and I didn’t want him having it. He mumbled “OK, fine” and changed the subject. When we finished he said he wanted to walk home and would see me later. I got home and shortly after got a text saying “I guess you know then. I’m gay. I’m sorry.” I replied saying “You have nothing to worry about. I love you.” and then a load of “I’ll always love you, I just want you to be happy” cliches that I had promised myself I wouldn’t do but I couldn’t think of anything else.

He got back, went to his room for a bit, then came out for dinner and I reiterated all the cliches again and we chatted about stuff. Eventually I get back to the topic of dating apps and say he’s not allowed it. There was a bit of protestation that he only talks to people his age and that “everyone has it” but I put my foot down and said that it’s not safe and that I can and will check the phone anytime I feel like it. I offered my compromises, i.e. that I will happily let him go to any LGBT event/group for people of his own age and it was begrudgingly accepted.

I kind of screwed this up. I should have waited longer and dealt with it with a clearer mind. That said, I think it could have been worse.

Despite Grindr_Mom’s worries, we think she handled it great! Parenting is difficult, but Grindr_Mom: You rule.

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Need change for a $20 bill? Residents in Quebec’s Gaspé region are simply cutting bills in half to create two $10 bills, in an attempt to encourage residents to shop locally.

A medieval recipe found in a 1,000-year-old book can kill antibiotic-resistant superbugs that are hard to treat with modern medicine.

4,500 pounds of honey. That’s how much photographer Blake Little poured over his models in his most recent series Preservation.

His models ranged from one-and-a-half to 85 years old, from slender to obese. The results are stunning, highlight both the strange and timeless beauty of the human body.

Not only has honey itself been on this earth for 25 to 50 million years, but it also looks like amber, the fossilized tree sap known for preserving small bugs for millions of years. When he poured it over his subjects, he liked how it made their aging human flesh look preserved in amber, timeless yet unlike anything he’d ever seen before.

In the foreword to his photo book for Preservation, Kenneth Lapatin, the Associate Curator of Antiquities at the J. Paul Getty Museum, wrote:

“[Little] was amazed by honey’s transformations when dripped, dribbled, and poured over the human body, and how it can distort and amplify forms, highlight physical perfection, engender repulsion, and suggest both immortality and death. For Blake, gleaming, golden honey has a way of diffusing the personal qualities of his subjects, often making them unrecognizable, democratizing their individual traits into something altogether different and universal.”

You can see Little’s photographs at the Kopeikin Gallery in Los Angeles from now through April 18.

If you're about to pull a slice of bread out of the toaster and slather on some hazelnut-based sweetness, you might want to ease up on the Nutella.

Street art by Seth, in Paris.