Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy, information, connection and influence, especially in leadership. Emotional intelligence is also called emotional quotient (EQ) as the two can be used interchangeably.
No matter where one is at on the EQ scale currently, emotional intelligence can be developed. It requires an effort of will, a wish to be self aware and a conscious effort at self restraint in conflict. But through a mix of awareness and self discipline, EQ can change fairly rapidly. There are a variety of things that can impact EQ but today we look at 4 emotional intelligence boosting techniques.
Studies have shown that successful leaders and high achievers all share in common the ability to develop their emotional intelligence. That allows them to operate quite genuinely across the spectrum of various personalities, and across a very broad range of personality levels, profiles and types. And able also to adapt much more effectively than most business organisations do to change. In reality a candidate’s EI or emotional intelligence Competency has proven to be superior to IQ as a predictor of performance success.
I remember reading something from Travis Bradberry that stuck with me: “Emotional intelligence can be developed through specific strategies, such as practising self awareness and improving interpersonal skills.” That’s exactly what this comes down to, really.
Emotional IQ is reliably quantified in tests. You answer some questions, a human responds to a series of questions and, in turn, receives a numerical score across each of the five separate categories within EQ. They are also given an overall EQ score. Just as a person can take steps to raise their IQ, people can improve their scores on emotional intelligence test by working at the areas of emotional intelligence.
Becoming More Self Aware
The more you recognise your emotions and drivers, the more you can control those things. Being able to do this is something of a self awareness, being able to understand how you’re turning other people on or off. As far as self awareness goes, it really comes down to knowing when you’re in good shape.
Self awareness comes from within people and it starts out with questioning. To improve your self awareness, ask yourself:
- How am I feeling?
- How does ease or difficulty describe things for you right now?
- Do you think I have a smile or scowl on my face, and why?
You are not going to be in a position to do it or understand something in EQ which is social, without the first point being done and be aware what’s going on inside yourself. Change your perspective on the downside, chances are your interactions will mirror that as well. Once you become aware of your inner world, you realise there is something else in there, self regulation is the next stage of emotional intelligence.

Increasing Self Regulation
Another characteristic is self control, readiness to withhold judgement at a moment of sudden stress and to think before acting. If you can do that, keep your mind on a task or in the present moment instead of allowing it to wander into catastrophe mode, you have everything you require. That is what we call cognitive control: the ability to manage or change disruptive thoughts and feelings. Self regulation is the capacity of an individual to alter his or her mood once that person becomes aware of disturbing thoughts.
I don’t have to look far for an example of someone who has benefited from a little bit of self regulation. I had been the poster child of awful behaviour under stress for years. I was and am painfully honest to a fault, I do not like keeping things locked in; my blurting stuff out was there without question, whether anyone asked for my opinion or not! And if I saw that in some way I was being attacked, these opinions would themselves become the defences. Reasonable discussion might easily become verbal jousting in self defence.
So many times I learnt, far too late, that if I’d just give it some time what felt like a crisis then was eventually an afterthought. This insight is one way to grow in self regulation. It’s two parts: first giving a shit and second doing something about it for the common good.
Some questions you might want to ask:
- Is now the time to deal with this one?
- How much does any of this matter in the scheme of things?
- Can I step away and take time to look at the whole picture?
Becoming More Socially Aware
A person with social awareness possesses the capacity to comprehend the emotional make up of other individuals, and this impact their words or behaviour can have on them. It’s the capacity to make certain judgements about how they are speaking or might speak to others.
We may mean well. We wake up in the morning and we want to give everyone respect. We want to be viewed in a good light and only have friendly encounters with people. And all of that goes right out the window when stress comes in. Whether the reason the people we’re communicating with are stressed is because of us or something else, it’s not wise to communicate out of a space that isn’t in alignment with your own best interests.
That could be something very small: a look, body language, tone of voice or facial expression. Somebody who can see recognises our mood and attitude before we speak a word. It is applicable to EQ as working on a maths equation which has some beginning and some end point. When an individual has developed a strong self awareness and mastery, they next must turn these skills outward and employ them in social situations. They are quite useful in times of stress.
If you are attempting to improve your social consciousness, ask yourself these questions:
- What do I communicate to others by my external expression?
- What could someone read into my body language?
- Am I really hearing what’s being said?
Improving Social Regulation
Social regulation is the skill in triggering others’ emotional clarity, by mastering relationships and networking.
It’s not hard to be the bell of the ball when everyone else is having a good time, too. Some people can be just as well liked and respected while under stress if they have strong social regulation, when the stress is a trigger that they are able to respond and manage their reactions towards.
Recall your career history and visualise a single manager or multiple managers whom you respected. What were a few of their traits? They were most likely fair, respectful, even keeled and thoughtful. Well, chances are you’d most remember them for how they consistently spoke to you and your coworkers. Their sameness was balm to you.
The greater a person can control their social environment, the better they may fare. It’s pretty simple really. Do you purchase from a pushy salesperson or someone who connects with you on a personal level? You see a doctor who treats you like a number? Or do they try to help you get to the bottom of it? We will be more successful if we can get along with them better, no matter what it is that we are trying to do, whether it’s close a big deal or make a new friend.
Questions to ask yourself include:
- Am I being respectful right now?
- Am I able to hear the whole story before rushing to judgement?
- Could it be that things are not entirely what they seem on the surface?
Evolution of EQ
And just as we work to further our knowledge, grow wealth and have interesting life experiences, EQ can be grown with a concerted effort. Your bad habits don’t happen in a day, even good ones won’t form in one either. It doesn’t matter how we were raised, for whom we worked or if life felt radical in the playground when we were growing up. We owe it to ourselves to make a deliberate effort to grow our EQ. If, however, we step out in front and choose to lead with empathy as an example rather than expectation, then our EQ will elevate, and quite possibly so will our success across the board .
Whether you’re in Melbourne, Sydney or Brisbane, developing emotional intelligence isn’t just about personal growth. It impacts how teams function, how managers lead and how organisations perform. If you’re looking to build these skills in your workplace, we offer tailored training sessions that help teams develop practical EQ techniques they can use immediately.

David Alssema is a Body Language Expert and Motivational Speaker. As a performer in the personal development industry in Australia he has introduced and created new ways to inspire, motivate and develop individuals.
David Alssema started his training career with companies such as Telstra and Optus Communications, and then developed Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) within workplace training as principal of Paramount Training & Development.
As an author/media consultant on body language and professional development David has influenced workplaces across Australia. He contributes to Media such as The West Australian, ABC Radio, Australian Magazines and other Australia Media Sources.

