Shainaf87

This is me earlier in the day - back when compliments were given freely/sans-strings.  

The Scene: Molly Malone's Irish Pub, around 7p on a Saturday. ironysenabler and I had just finished up a marathon work sesh at LACMA ('sup, free wifi) and popped 'round for a quick wind-down/pre-night out cocktail.

I am exhausted. When ironysenabler runs to the ladies' room, I relax into the bar...and straight into introvert zone. It's been a long day and I still have a bit of an evening ahead.

Enter RANDOM MAN NEXT TO ME. He had been chatting with his work buddies (I assume they're work buddies - they're all wearing matching shirts of a non-athletic nature)/separates himself slightly from the group to gift me with his full, undivided attention.

RMNTM: I like your dress.
(I'm wearing a silver sequined hoodie dress. It has already garnered a solid amount of recognition throughout the day.)
Me: (smiling) (slightly lethargically) Thank you.
RMNTM: It's so sparkly.
Me: (laughing weakly [but politely!]) Yeah, it is.
RMNTM scoots a bit closer: What's your name?

I feel myself sigh, unsure if it's an internal or external exhale. Not only am I not in the mood to chat up a stranger, period, but RMNTM's quick jump to asking my name somehow feels too forward, too personal - or maybe it's just something in his delivery of the query. Whatever it is, I don't especially like it and decide to be honest about my ideal end to this situation. (Hint: It's the situation ending. Like now-ish, if at all possible.) 

Me: (smiling beseechingly) I'm sorry, I just really don't feel like talking right now.
RMNTM: (bristling) You can tell me your name. I was just trying to be friendly.

Well, yes - I can tell you my name. I possess that ability. But the point is, I don't want to. If you're really "just trying to be friendly", that friendliness should include respecting the fact that I'm just trying to be friendly while still making it clear that I do not wish to engage. Friend.

The situation ends with him shooting me a look of death, then whispering to his cronies who follow suit/add in a few eye-rolls of their own.

Cool. Welp, that was a fun getting complimented experience! Really wish that would happen more often.

...
...
...

I later talked the situation over with a few guy friends - two of whom immediately defended RMNTM, saying he was just trying to be nice/what's the big deal/would it really have been that hard to just talk to the guy. One added, "You're a strong* female; you can take care of yourself if the conversation goes south." I will address these assertions/inquiries in a moment. (While seething inside.)

The third GF replied, "Well, you triggered his insecurities and self worth." Right. Obviously. So obvious, I realized, that my assessment of the potential for triggering of this kind has become innate - it has actually burrowed its way into my survival instinct. Each time I find myself in an encounter like the one with RMNTM, my subconscious shifts into high-alert mode, gauging the threat - the man's size, his demeanor, our surroundings, and, most importantly, the length of the dude's fuse - and pings me to act accordingly.

As innocuous as the specific sitch with RMNTM sounded to GFs 1 & 2, the reason it was "such a big deal"/the idea of a convo felt so taxing to me, is that these types of encounters are not few and far between. They vary in scale and aggression, but they happen multiple times per day. Multiple. Times. Per. Day. Having to constantly tailor your behavior to account for the fact that the wrong response might result in your being verbally or physically accosted is not a real good time. Especially if you're a strong* female. I would love nothing more than to tell every crudely amorous dude to kindly go f*ck himself - as I did to one such gentleman earlier this week. (Minus the 'kindly' part.) (That assessing subconscious of mine apparently didn't act fast enough to counter my severe indignation. Either that or I just blatantly/brazenly ignored the 'play nice' pings.) You know how the guy reacted? He spent the next three blocks swerving into my lane, flipping me off, and speeding ahead of me/slamming on his brakes. You know, a totally measured response. Sure, maybe RMNTM would never do that sort of thing, but he did exhibit the same sense of entitlement to my time and attention. If he were really "just trying to be nice", I wouldn't have been left feeling so ganged up on. (See paragraph 7 re: friendly, friendliness, friendly, friend.) 

Long story not half as long as it could be, it can be f*cking exhausting to be a woman (and/or woman-child) in this patriarchy-ridden world, so if we tell you we're too tired to talk, don't blame us - blame your creepiest friend. (You know the one.) (Okay yeah, him too.)

*We both mean strong in the feminist-y sense. Not in the actual physical sense. Just ask my Pilates instructor. 

A Chicago resident has started an online petition asking Metra and the Chicago Transit Authority to install calming blue lights at all train stations as a way to prevent train suicides.

The Care2 petition cites a study in Japan that reports blue lights in subway stations led to an 84 percent decrease...

As Adnan Syed awaits a retrial for the murder of his ex-girlfriend, Hae Min Lee, HBO has announced that it will air a docuseries about the case made famous by the Serial podcast. The Case Against Adnan Syed has been in production since 2015, and will once again examine the ... More »

Kelly's music is no longer available on the streaming service's owned and operated playlists and algorithmic recommendations, Spotify says.

The drummer was, alongside Clyde Stubblefield, the rhythmic backbone to one of James Brown's most prolific and iconic eras.

(Image credit: Timothy Norris/Getty Images)

the-absolute-best-posts:

me as a parent

the-absolute-best-posts:

why the hell can’t i buy this

From a distance, Switcheroo seems like a harmless enough family sitcom that revolves around a father and son switching bodies. Why not reboot it in 2018! But, oh god, when you actually press play and stick around after the opening credits, it’s so, so much more than that. “I think ... More »

Hedgehog by Bongonation 

Hedgehogs are magical little creatures, and even though they're very tiny critters they have big hearts and wonderful personalities, which is why humans are so enamored with those little insect-munching lurkers in the hedgerow. The humans who have brought hedgehogs home to live with them have said they're gentle, playful and a bit shy, but quite sweet when they get to know you well- and quite happy to eat the bugs in your backyard!

Show some love for the cutest little critter on the planet with this Hedgehog t-shirt by Bongonation, it's a fun and magical way to take the spirit of the hedgehog with you wherever you go!

Visit Bongonation's Facebook fan page, official website and Instagram, then head on over to his NeatoShop for more delightful designs:

Mountains Spirit	MTB Moon	Ninja v3	Space Cat

View more designs by Bongonation | More Artistic T-shirts | New T-Shirts

Are you a professional illustrator or T-shirt designer? Let's chat! Sell your designs on the NeatoShop and get featured in front of tons of potential new fans on Neatorama!

the-absolute-best-gifs:

1 Week Old Kitten

the-absolute-best-gifs:

Me and my mom I swear

Canadian saxophonist and flutist Jane Bunnett has dedicated her life to Cuban music. Her latest project is Maqueque, an all-female band of young Cuban artists blending folkloric grooves and jazz.

(Image credit: Emma Lee Photography/Courtesy of the artist)

the-absolute-best-posts:

Me talking to my crush

Family members of people killed in a South Florida school shooting gave emotional testimony Tuesday during a legislative hearing to discuss passing a bill that would allow for armed teachers and raise the age limit to buy rifles.

Max Schachter, father of 14-year-old victim Alex Schachter who died...

This looks really odd. Flooding left a garden path underwater in Brazil, and the water is so clear you can see every detail.

(YouTube link)

A machine translation from the YouTube page says,

Faced with the repercussion of the video released on February 15, in social networks, in which appears a submerged track, we would like to pass some clarifications. The fact really happened at the Rio de Prata Ecological Recanto (Jardim-MS) on February 02 and was recorded during the monitoring carried out by the tour's Waldemilson Vera. When it rains a lot, the river of the Silver runs of slower form, causing its damming, thus increasing the water level of the river Olho D'Água. Despite the flood, on the day the video was recorded the waters of the river Olho D'Agua remained crystal clear due to their conserved ciliary forest and being inside a Private Reserve of Natural Heritage - RPPN, a type of Conservation Unit. This was a rare episode, and by the end of the day the river had returned to its normal level. We would like to inform you that on this date the tour operated normally until the 1st stretch, which, although it is also above normal, all the tourists left satisfied because they experienced a different and special day in the attraction!

-via reddit

Tyrone Rogers has been charged with three felonies — aggravated criminal sexual assault, attempted criminal sexual assault and aggravated criminal sexual abuse and kidnapping.

Yet he remains a school board member in Harvey. He is on court-ordered electronic home monitoring but has repeatedly been given permission by Cook County Circuit Judge Allen F. Murphy to leave his home and attend school board meetings.

OPINION

Despite the current social climate, the “Me Too” movement and nationwide outrage over the way women have been ignored and marginalized when it comes to sexual harassment, I am told that no one on the school board has complained that Rogers continues to attend meetings.

There are no protests outside the administration offices of Harvey Elementary School District 152.

There are no parents demanding that Rogers resign.

The school board president not only is supporting Rogers, but she actually posted Rogers’ bail. That would be Janet Rogers, Tyrone’s wife.

There are two interim school superintendents jointly running the school district. They were appointed after former school Supt. Denean Adams lost her job and filed a federal lawsuit claiming, among other things, that Tyrone Rogers said she was “itching for an ass kicking” after she requested a forensic audit of district finances.

Mrs. Rogers was convicted of theft and state benefits fraud in 2004 over false information on her son’s financial aid application, prompting her to step down from the school board. She rejoined the school board and was allowed to stay despite her criminal past after she was pardoned by Gov. Pat Quinn.

As for Mr. Rogers, a 49-year-old woman claimed that she went to the Harvey Municipal Center on the afternoon of Aug. 26, 2016 to meet with Rogers on behalf of a friend. The friend was a poor woman dealing with a raccoon problem at her home. The victim told Cook County Sheriff’s Police that since she had known Rogers for 40 years and he worked for the City of Harvey, she thought he might be able to get city officials to deal with her friend’s raccoon problem. Rogers had also been married to a relative of the alleged victim.

The woman said she met Rogers in the main office at Harvey’s city hall with other workers present and asked if she could speak with him. Rogers allegedly stated, “Yes, let’s go to my office.” The victim told police that Rogers took her down a long hallway, grabbed her right wrist, pulled her inside an office and closed the door.

At this point, Rogers made his intention clear and began pulling at her clothes. The woman said she tried to get out of the office by running around a long table, but Rogers locked the door with a key. Rogers then allegedly tried to sexually penetrate the woman after pulling her pants down.

Rogers held her head down as he bent her over a table, she told police, but she sank her nails into him and “mule kicked” him with her right foot. Rogers tried again to penetrate her sexually, the police report states, and also attempted to force her to perform a sex act.

The victim contends that Rogers then unlocked the door and let her out. She stopped at a Dollar Tree store and then went to a hospital emergency room, where a rape kit inspection was done and Cook County Sheriff’s Police were called.

The Cook County state’s attorney sent me a statement claiming, “our prosecutors have consistently objected to the defendant’s request for movement off EM (electronic monitoring).” The sheriff’s office claims it has rarely seen so many releases granted off administrative monitoring, which requires three phone calls a day to keep tabs on the defendant.

School administrators point the finger at the school board, headed by Mrs. Rogers, who have the power to remove Mr. Rogers.

Hey, with all the buck passing going on, maybe this isn’t such a big deal. Consider it part of the old “not my job” movement.

Email: philkadner@gmail.com

death-by-lulz:

natural selection

It always seems like a shame to throw out avocado pits, especially given how easy it is to grow an avocado tree from a pit, and yet if you eat avocados like I do then you're bound to end up buried in pits if you save them all.

But now that I've seen the amazing avocado pit sculptures created by Jan Campbell I'm thinking it's time to whip out the old carving knives and sculpt those "stones" into scary monster faces.

Jan is an Irish artisan with a healthy love of Celtic mythology, so she doesn't carve the stones (what she calls the pits) to look like scary monsters- she turns them into figurines of forest spirits, mythic beings and the occasional Venus of Willendorf.

Jan sells her amazing pit carvings through her Etsy shop and her website Avocado Stone Faces, and she posts her latest creations via Instagram in case you want to see what she comes up with next.

I find Jan's sculptures to be truly inspirational and a great excuse to eat more avocados!

See more from This Artist Carves Avocado Pits Into Magical Forest Creatures here

10knotes:

haha it stuck to his head

After departing from the Bulls, it took Jimmy Butler a while to acclimate in Minnesota, but the veteran star is now in mid-season form with the Timberwolves.

Butler started a bit slow for his old coach Tom Thibodeau, scoring in the teens in October (16) and November (18), but he has since stepped it up and has led the Timberwolves to the fourth-best record in the Western Conference.

In a showdown with his old Eastern Conference nemesis LeBron James and the Cavs on Monday, Butler absolutely undressed The King.

Butler went for 21 points, eight rebounds and nine assists in a 127-99 victory over the Cavs. James had 10 points, eight rebounds and five assists. But here’s the more telling stat: Butler finished with a +39 plus-minus rating; James was -39 in the same 27 minutes on the floor.

Before the game, Butler said: “It’s like I always say, if you’re one of the best in the world, and you can score 50 or do this and do that, I’m a fan. But I’ve got to see it firsthand. You’ve got to do it to me.”

Not only were the Cavs outscored by 39 points while James was on the floor — the worst of his career — but the loss marked the seventh consecutive time he has fallen to Butler. Overall, Butler is 12-5 in his career against James.

In addition, the Butler-less Timberwolves broke a 0-6 drought against LeBron.

Thibs said this about Butler:“What he’s doing every night, it’s amazing. But it’s also bringing the best out of everyone on the team, and, to me, that’s the true mark of greatness. It’s not only bringing the best out of yourself, but it’s bringing the best out of everyone. I think he’s playing at an unbelievable level.”

death-by-lulz:

why he lick me

death-by-lulz:

‘Honey Boo Boo’ teaches us how to enter a room.

the-absolute-best-posts:

Can you prove me without words that you know exactly what is a french kiss?

A topless woman from an activist group was stopped by police as she tried to grab the baby Jesus on display in the nativity scene at the Vatican, Reuters is reporting.

The incident happened Monday in St. Peter’s Square, about two hours before Pope Francis delivered his Christmas message to a crowd of about 50,000.

The woman was from the feminist group Femen. A photographer from the Reuters news service said she jumped over rails around the Nativity and shouted “God is woman,” which also was painted on her back, according to the report.

Femen’s website identified the woman as “sextremist Alisa Vinogradova” and said she had “kidnapped” the doll, though according to Reuters she was detained by police before she was able to leave the Nativity scene.

The storied quartet wove styles and collaborators together in their performance at NPR Music's 10th anniversary celebration in Washington, D.C.

(Image credit: Beck Harlan / NPR)

Sexual consent can be more complicated than a one-word answer.