This week on Lost Terminal: Lyosha joins a team, Meg makes a discovery, and Seth gets an upgrade.
Lost Terminal will return next week!

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Some time ago, I noted that the Windows 95 CD contained a variety of multimedia extras, partly because they were fun, and partly to show off Windows 95’s multimedia capabilities.

One of those multimedia extras was the music video for the song Buddy Holly by the band Weezer. Acquiring permission to redistribute the video took multiple steps.

First, Microsoft had to secure the rights to the song itself, which was negotiated directly with Weezer’s publisher Geffen Records, and apparently without the knowledge of the band members themselves. They were reportedly upset that they weren’t consulted but later realized that it was “one of the greatest things that could have happened to us. Can you imagine that happening today? It’s like, there’s one video on YouTube, and it’s your video.”

But that only secured the rights to the music. What about the video?

The video takes place in a reconstruction of a location from the Happy Days television program, and clips from that show were spliced into the music video to create the illusion that many of the characters from the show were part of the video. The lawyer responsible for securing the rights to the video had to contact all of the actors from Happy Days to get their permission. That lawyer thoroughly enjoyed the assignment. I don’t know whether he got to talk to the actors directly, or only to their agents, but I can imagine it being an interesting experience trying to find Henry Winkler’s telephone number (or his agent’s telephone number) with a chance of talking to The Fonz himself.

The post How did Windows 95 get permission to put the Weezer video <I>Buddy Holly</I> on the CD? appeared first on The Old New Thing.

In brief: After a long dry spell, there are signs of stormier weather in the West over the next 10 days. Mountain snow and low elevation rain is likely to add up some, helping to ease the deficit pain a bit but not enough to truly “salvage” winter at this point.

The dry West should moisten up a bit

It’s been a minute since we’ve shifted focus to the West. And for good reason: It’s been dead quiet.

This snow season has been wretched in the West too. While precipitation isn’t terribly far off normal for the season, the ratio of rain to snow events has been severe limiting any snowpack gains in the West. In fact, a look at the map of snow water equivalent by basin in the West paints a dire story right now, particularly as high stakes Colorado River water supply negotiations extend deeper into overtime.

That map is downright unsustainable in the current hydrologic environment of the West. So, help is needed, badly. Thankfully, some help is on the way. The first in what should be a series of storms arrives in California tonight. This system is less atmospheric river and more just a low pressure system that looks to stall out for a couple days. This is optimal, as it will bring mountain snow and lower elevation rain to much of the region, as well as at least some snow inland. Snow levels will be somewhat high-ish but you have to start somewhere.

This should allow for 1-2 feet above 6,000 feet in the Sierra. Importantly, some of this snow will make into the interior mountains of Utah, Idaho, and Wyoming too, with perhaps 6 to 12 inches of snow at higher elevations.

After this week’s system sort of washes out on Thursday, our attention will focus to a potential series of storms, more akin to a classic atmospheric river next week that should further add some snow and low elevation rain to the mix. Don’t sleep on the high winds outlined there either. We could be looking at some fire weather concerns in the Rockies or High Plains.

The Climate Prediction Center’s 8-14 day hazards outlook has begun to paint the West more colorfully since Saturday. The heavy precipitation and heavy snow cards are being dealt for Feb 17-19 with the storm(s) next week. When all is said and done, we could be looking at 5 to 10 inches of liquid equivalent in California and 1 to 3 inches in portions of Nevada, Utah, Arizona, and western Colorado. Anything would help. This won’t be enough to salvage the winter (we need more), but it will hopefully help pull back the extremes a little. Here’s hoping.

Editor’s Note: We’re still doing this

I have a recurring Google News search on that I get sent to my email daily for “flash flooding,” “flood mitigation,” and “hurricane Gulf” (in Google Scholar). So, I see a lot of news and information on flooding each week. One story caught my eye yesterday, and it makes me extraordinarily frustrated.

The Unicoi County Hospital in Tennessee flooded so badly during Helene that patients and staff had to evacuate to the roof and be rescued by helicopter. The decision is being made to rebuild the hospital right in the flood plain of North Indian Creek, a location that may be even worse than where it was originally built. There are safe ways to do this to ensure flood impacts are mitigated, but unfortunately, Ballad Health did not offer comment for this article. This doesn’t make me angry because rural health systems struggle enough as it is, and it’s more important to offer those residents access to healthcare than it is to worry about everything else. Theoretically. But it frustrates me that organizations like this are being put in this position at all. Surely, there have to be many other, less flood prone locations to build this facility. When we talk about resiliency and building smartly, which we should be doing in 2026, no matter your belief structure on climate change, this is exactly what we don’t want to see happening. Risk is never zero, of course. But some risks are very clearly worse than others, and this decision feels as if it feeds into that idea. It’s hard enough for rural health systems to survive on a good day, let alone with elevated risk. They need help with ways to build smarter.

In brief: In today’s update we discuss a weak front that will work its way into Houston today. We also look ahead to a soggy Valentine’s Day, and then ample sunshine for the remainder of the holiday weekend.

Valentine’s Day outlook

Well, this won’t be the frigid holiday weekend that Houston experienced five years ago, that’s for sure. However, Saturday and Saturday evening do look pretty soggy across the region as a disturbance moves into the region, preceding a cold front. Rain chances are nearly 100 percent on Valentine’s Day, although most of this should fall as light to moderate rain showers. It won’t be constant, and it probably won’t be severe, but if you’re planning anything romantic outdoors I would definitely have some fall back plans. Most areas will likely pick up between 0.5 and 1 inch of rain, although as usual totals will vary widely. Rains should end sometime on Saturday evening or early Sunday.

Wednesday

We are seeing some mostly light showers north and northwest of the city this morning (i.e. in locations such as The Woodlands). This rain is associated with a weak front that is slowly moving into the area. This front is not particularly strong, and it is fading. But I expect it to bring some drier air into the region today and tonight, probably at least down to the Highway 59/Interstate 69 corridor, and possibly even closer to the coast. High temperatures today will still reach the upper 70s for most locations, with partly sunny skies. Lows tonight probably will drop into the 50s for inland areas with the drier air, but I am less certain about temperatures near the coast.

Thursday and Friday

These days both should be partly sunny and warm, with temperatures in the upper 70s. Winds will be generally light, from the south. Lows on Thursday night will drop to around 60, while Friday night will be a few degrees warmer.

Saturday

As noted above, Valentine’s Day is looking fairly wet, with showers likely and perhaps a few thunderstorms. Highs will probably reach the mid-70s, with lows on Saturday night in the upper 50s.

Sunday and Monday

For many people this will be a three-day weekend, with President’s Day on Monday. Luckily, both of these days will be really nice with sunny skies and highs in the low 70s. Sunday morning looks breezy, but things should settle down some by Sunday afternoon, hopefully. Lows on Sunday night will drop to around 50 degrees in Houston, with cooler conditions for outlying areas.

Rest of next week

Most of the rest of next week will see warmer temperatures in the upper 70s to 80 degrees, with nighttime lows generally around 60 degrees. Another weak front may arrive by Thursday or Friday of next week, but there is no clear signal in the models either way. As noted in the title of today’s update, spring-like weather is here to stay for awhile even though we’re still in the middle of February.

BOSTON—In a move hailed as a breakthrough for round-the-clock gambling, sports betting company DraftKings announced Tuesday that users would now be able to place wagers directly from within their dreams. “At DraftKings, we know the action never sleeps, and you should be able to wager however—and whenever—you want, even from deep REM sleep,” CEO Jason Robins said of the innovation, an easy-to-use wearable device that, when placed behind the user’s ear, populates their dreamscape with personalized betting opportunities for more than 20 major sports leagues, including daily fantasy. “Users can now sleep soundly knowing that if a spread moves overnight, they’ll be able to lock in their wager using subconscious biometric cues,” he added. “No more missing out on the perfect parlay just because it’s 3 a.m. on a Wednesday and you’re fast asleep. DraftKings lets you dream big—and win bigger.” Robins confirmed that payouts would be kept safely in escrow for up to 60 days for those winners who placed their bets while in a severe coma. 

The post DraftKings Introduces In-Dream Betting appeared first on The Onion.

The severely hungover pair woke up married Sunday morning after an alcohol-fueled six years of courtship and dating.

The post Allen Goltham and Ryne Baxter appeared first on The Onion.

The post Mom Strong Arms Cashier Into Accepting Expired Coupon appeared first on The Onion.

mst3kgifs:

♪ Workin’ the fryer, I was never a cryer, ♪

♪ I had a void in the shape of you. ♪

♪ Lookin’ for love, hopin’ for evil, ♪ 

♪ All’s I got was chicken cordon bleu. ♪

The Mads are BACK!

The RiffTrax crew has just announced that Trace Beaulieu and Frank Conniff will be reprising their roles of Dr. Forrester and TV’s Frank in the fourth episode of MST3K: The RiffTrax Experiments!

And not only are our evil overlords returning to torment all the captives on the Satellite of Love one more time, Trace and Frank will also be co-writing the episode with Mike, Kevin and Bill.

“Some of my favorite moments in life have been spent around Trace and Frank, so, yes, I’m very, very happy that they’re joining us for the Rifftrax Experiments.”

• Michael J. Nelson

“Trace and Frank are friends, but they’re also comic heroes of mine. Dr. F and TV’s Frank are a classic comedy duo who belong with the best in the pantheon. I’m so glad they agreed to bring their great characters back to life for this project - and also that we get to hang out with them for a while!”

• Bill Corbett

So put yourself down for a honey-glazed ham and a box of steaks, because the Mads are back! Now push the button, Frank.

Climate and security experts say the plan is outdated and could place the U.S. at a competitive disadvantage.

By Phil McKenna

President Donald Trump plans to announce an executive order on Wednesday directing the U.S. Department of Defense to buy electricity from coal-fired power plants.

https://kingsheadtheatre.com/whats-on/blink-df19

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Is stubble unprofessional?

Is having a few days of facial stubble unprofessional? What about showering every other day? How do I know when I’m well-enough groomed?

I’m a cis man who is reasonably adept at social interactions generally but struggles to pick up on unwritten norms/rules (like how often to shave). I got rid of a goatee in college and have generally shaved all my facial hair for every in-person workday since then. I also currently shower every day I go into the office, though I sometimes skip it for WFH days.

I’m considering a change for three reasons: (1) I was reminded of how much of a literally bloody hassle it is when I got to stop shaving for a couple months during parental leave. (2) I’m no longer at a job that has on-site showers for production reasons and safety reasons to shave. (3) I just learned that a lot of men shave every other day rather than daily, and it wasn’t that long ago I heard the argument that daily showers are bad for skin and hair, so I’m beginning to question my previous understanding of grooming rules.

I’d be happy to shave like once or twice a week, as waiting longer between shaves seems to reduce my rate of nicks and irritation. Is it a bad idea to go into the office having showered 2 nights before and shaved 2-4 nights before? My wife knows little about male grooming expectations, so I don’t know who to ask.

Showering: it varies by person. Some people need to shower daily to meet our culture’s expectations around looking and smelling clean enough for work. Some people don’t. Is there a noticeable difference to a bystander between how you look and smell when you showered in the last 24 hours versus when you didn’t? If not, you are someone who can go longer in between showers. If there is, you are not.

Stubble: as long as it looks like an intentional style choice (and not patchy or unkempt), stubble is fine in many, and probably now most, offices. There are still some conservative fields where it’s frowned upon, but they’ve quickly become the exception to the rule. (That said, avoid stubble for an interview, where you’re generally expected to turn up looking more polished.)

2. Should I try to keep an employee who’s leaving because of my predecessor?

I have just joined a small startup as head of engineering. Upon joining, I found out that one of the more experienced engineers has handed in his notice after accepting an offer elsewhere. As this is a team of four, his leaving would be quite impactful.

The reason he gave for leaving is that he wants to be promoted to senior engineer but his old boss wouldn’t do that. In private, he has told me that the previous head was not respecting him and would say things like, “I don’t need to listen to your opinions, you’re not a backend engineer.”

Less than two weeks after I’ve arrived, said employee has come to me and said that he feels my management style is so vastly different from the previous manager’s that he wants to stay; I have given him autonomy and trust which I believe he was previously lacking.

So far, I have said to him that if he proved to me over the next month or two (during his notice period) that he could show the maturity and drive expected of a senior engineer, and show a significant improvement in his soft skills, we could have a conversation about him staying. My concern is that I am encouraging him to leave it quite late to possibly renege on his accepted offer, and that he may end up leaving the company anyway if I don’t immediately promote him.

Should I keep him on this path, giving him the option that we revisit his notice? Or am I lining myself up for trouble down the line? Is there anything else I can or should do?

This is tough because you just joined the team and are still getting the lay of the land.

Normally I’d say that if someone was leaving for a reason that is now moot, and they’re someone who you were sad to see go, you should absolutely be open to letting them stay (assuming you haven’t already hired their replacement). There’s no reason to just oppose that on principle.

But this is messier, since you don’t necessarily have enough info to know how much you should want to keep him — and it sounds like there are some soft skill issues, at a minimum. I would not be leaping to keep someone with soft skill issues.

I’m also not sure it made sense to tell him that if he was able to do XYZ during his notice period, then you could talk about him staying. That’s leaving it very up in the air when you both need to be able to make solid plans (you so you know whether you need to hire a replacement and transition his projects, and him so he knows whether he’s actually taking that other job or not). Plus, is he really going to be able to demonstrate those things in a month or two? Particularly when you’re still new and learning the team?

In your shoes, I’d be seeking insight from others who work with him to try to make a decision now, rather than a month or two from now.

3. Was I wrong to settle with my company rather than continuing on to court?

In my previous role, I was subject to harassment, discrimination, and retaliation for over half a year prior to being terminated. I knew that I had a strong case, had been collecting evidence throughout, and connected with an attorney right away. In the end, I took a settlement. I decided that it would be better for my mental health to stop reliving those experiences. I also worried that a jury trial might be risky in my libertarian state, not to mention the expensive court fees.

I am proud that I stood up for myself while I worked there and after. But since I opted for the settlement, I have also entered into a confidentiality agreement. So while my former coworkers can probably make educated guesses about what happened, the wider world doesn’t know. New hires and new external partners won’t know what kind of company this is. And the bad actors can continue to skirt the laws.

I wonder what can be done, if anything, to help future victims of this company and their discriminatory practices. Was my choice of a settlement too selfish and short-sighted?

No, settling wasn’t selfish or short-sighted. It’s not your responsibility to make this company change, no matter what the personal cost to you might be; it’s the responsibility of the people running the company.

Moreover, even if you hadn’t signed a confidentiality agreement, your ability to hold them accountable would be limited. Yes, you could tell people in your network about how they operate and leave online reviews. But the impact of those things generally won’t outweigh the impact of making them pay financially — which has at least some potential to motivate them to clean up their act so they don’t get hit with future legal bills too. (That doesn’t mean they will! It just has a shot at it.)

4. How to make a conference travel request at a brand new job

I’m in the final stages interviewing for a role that uses a niche tool, and which I’ve been an active member of this tool’s user community for a few years. In recognition of my contributions to this community (knowledge sharing, answering questions on forums, etc.), the company that owns the tool recently sent me a voucher for free admission to their annual conference. The conference is scheduled for three months after the estimated start date of the role I’m interviewing for, and flight/hotel costs are not covered by the voucher.

I would love to attend the conference if possible, but am unsure how and when to approach the subject with my new employer if I end up with the job. The hiring manager had mentioned that some team members have attended in the previous years and I think it could be a great way to get to know the team if others attend as well this year, but I don’t want to press the issue so new in the role. What do you think?

Once you start the job, say this to your new manager fairly early on: “ToolCompany actually sent me a voucher for free admission to the conference since I’ve been an active member of its user community, but it doesn’t include travel. If NewCompany wants to send me, I’d be happy to go if so and could do ___ there.” (Fill in with things beneficial to NewCompany.)

5. Resigning right before or after a stock vest

I have a stock vest scheduled for February 15. I’ve accepted a new job that starts March 2, and I was originally planning to give notice on February 2, with my last day being February 17. That would allow me to give two weeks’ notice and still have a short break before the new role.

However, I’ve seen multiple colleagues in the past give notice and then be walked out or have their resignation accepted immediately, which would have caused them to forfeit unvested equity. I’ve also seen other teams allow their staff to work through the notice period. My specific team hasn’t had any good data either way, though I think I’m on good terms with my manager and team.

Because of that, I’m now considering resigning only after the vest occurs, possibly even the same day or shortly after.

My concern is that this could make my employer upset or feel blindsided, but I also don’t want to put myself at financial risk by giving notice too early. I’m not trying to be deceptive, just careful.

From a professionalism and workplace norms standpoint, is it reasonable to wait until after the vest to resign, even if that means giving little or no notice?

Yes, it is reasonable to wait until after the stock vest; people do that all the time, for this exact reason, and it’s additionally a good idea because you’ve seen that you might not be allowed to work out your notice period. However, ideally you’d find out if the new employer has any flexibility on your start date so that you can still offer two weeks notice; if you explain that leaving earlier will affect you financially, they might be very willing to give you an extra week or two. (People request this all the time, too. They may or may not be able to agree, but it’s not unreasonable to ask.)

The post is stubble unprofessional, should I try to keep an employee who’s leaving, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – U.S . President Donald Trump has threatened to halt the opening of a international bridge linking Windsor and Detroit, excluding Canadians from country that they have absolutely no interest in travelling to. The Gordie Howe International Bridge, under construction since 2018, will stretch across the US/Canada border. However, Trump weighed in on […]

The post Trump threatens bridge to prevent Canadians from visiting country Canadians do not want to visit appeared first on The Beaverton.

TORONTO – With record numbers of Canadians viewing the Winter Olympic Games on CBC Gem, the streaming platform experienced several outages due to what’s being called “an unprecedented number of people actually willing to watch something on it.”  The first reported outage came after 814,000 Canadians attempted to watch the Games’ Opening Ceremonies, breaking the […]

The post CBC Gem crashes due to Canadians using it appeared first on The Beaverton.

I need you to write a memoir of my life as an obscure literary genius. Make it a multi-volume set, kind of like Casanova’s. Basically, the drama and bravado of my novels are outmatched only by my real life. At all times, you must make me sound tortured, misunderstood, and extremely cool.

The language should draw comparisons to David Sedaris, Joan Didion, every author with a 4.3+ average rating on Goodreads, and whoever wrote that badass Mötley Crüe memoir.

As far as the audience, it should appeal to everyone from New York Times critics to my uncle Carl, who hasn’t read a book in thirty years. Make it particularly impressive to any stepdads who might still think that I’m a “little momma’s boy.”

Give me a dramatic birth story where the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck, but luckily, my biceps were big enough to unravel it myself. Say that I’ve used that as a metaphor for wrangling with my fears of imperfection ever since.

For my childhood, let’s throw in an alcoholic dad, an uncaring mom, a drug-smuggling Alaskan uncle who took me on dangerous dog-sledding trips across the Iditarod, the usual stuff. Also, say that I was the smartest, most popular, and athletic kid in class, slept with all the hot high school teachers, etc., etc. Specifically mention that I was not only not lying about having a girlfriend who went to a different school in Canada, but also that she grew up to be the Canadian actress Rachel McAdams.

Naturally, my young adult life should be filled with brash adventure and even some jail time (can you make me a sexy Sinatra-style mugshot for the book jacket?). Plus, don’t be afraid to toss in a few of my selfless acts of heroism in various wars (whichever wars you think were the best), and also how I discovered the ice walls in Antarctica that prevent the continents from slipping off the edge of the earth. But please, whatever you do, keep it grounded.

Include a passage on my very particular writing habits. Basically just mirror Hunter S. Thompson’s daily schedule and up the acid and tequila intake, but also mention how I can’t write a word until I’ve kissed the head of a dove and given it an eccentric name, like “Ludovico.”

Use the word “pat” as an adjective a bunch of times.

Weave in a story about how William Gibson got the idea for Neuromancer after he watched me merge my own consciousness with a super AI just for fun. And also, how I was the one who told JK Rowling to drop the “Joanne Kathleen” and just use “JK.” “It’s cleaner.”

Make it clear that I am more talented and way better-dressed than Jonathan Greenbaum, the guy who stole my girlfriend back in college. Wait, let’s tweak this so he didn’t actually steal her. Say that I told her to leave me because I was so amazing in bed that I didn’t want to ruin her for other men.

In the section about my first divorce, make it absolutely clear that I was the victim, but that I gave my ex-wife every dollar I had anyway. Not because the judge made me, but because I’m just that kind of guy.

Explain that the reason no one has read or even heard of my works is that the world simply isn’t ready for them yet. But not to worry, I will be cracking open the vault upon my death.

Finally, and this is key, you must humanize me in a way that highlights my tireless efforts to uplift the common man and shine a spotlight on his struggles.

Oh, also, don’t forget to mention that I have a huge hog.

You just go and divine, honey. We’ll catch up.

CHICAGO—Seeking to expand beyond sports coverage into radical new forms and expressions, Barstool Sports announced Monday that it would soon launch Confluences, a literary journal featuring book reviews, flash fiction, and in-depth arts criticism.

Representatives at the sports website told reporters that Confluences would allow Barstool staff to supplement their usual output of fantasy football rankings, piss-based shenanigans, and GIFs of obese pets with the kind of cultural commentary found in The Paris Review and n+1. The journal will be available both online and as a quarterly, 200‑page volume published through the University of Chicago Press.

“For years, Barstool contributors have recapped UFC fights and posted jaw-dropping SEC smoke shows, all while privately engaging in rigorous literary criticism, and we’re excited to finally share this passion with our loyal Stoolies,” said site founder Dave Portnoy, noting that as the new journal’s editor, he had already commissioned a three-part essay on Susan Sontag’s early work from longtime Barstool personality PFT Commenter. “Whether it’s an interview with Ayad Akhtar on theater’s power in the face of oppression or a review of Ocean Vuong’s latest poetry collection, this will naturally complement our ongoing touchdown dance compilations and debates over the best Nickelodeon cartoons of the ’90s.”

He added, “As intellectuals, we are equally interested in the postcolonial installation art of Guiller-
mo Gómez-Peña and humorous photo mockups depicting John Daly as Santa Claus, and we expect our readers will welcome this broadening of focus.”

Portnoy confirmed that Confluences would explore numerous disciplines, with its debut issue set to include long-form essays on the intersectional limits of third-wave feminism, the unpublished correspondence of Roland Barthes, and the best breakfast tacos in Austin, TX, as well as blackout poetry composed with cut-up Bang Energy labels and a piece from literary historian Stephen Greenblatt outlining various potential College Football Playoff wagering scenarios.

The magazine is also expected to serve as a coveted destination for contemporary writers in a range of creative fields—including such luminaries as Zadie Smith, Hilton Als, and Glenny Balls—with Pulitzer Prize finalist Ta-
Nehisi Coates scheduled to author a retrospective on the year’s craziest parking lot beatdowns.

According to sources, Confluences will also publish a 400-line prose poem adapted from a recent blog post by Barstool contributor John Feitelberg and titled “I Shit My Pants At Julian Edelman’s House.”

“Our goal is simply to advance, fearlessly, into the maelstrom of the great ontological and phenomenological inquiries of our era while also counting down a list of the funniest-looking Japanese baseball mascots,” said Portnoy, noting that the journal’s operations were made possible due to generous financial grants from the National Endowment for the Arts and Zyn-brand nicotine pouches. “What is the role of the arts in a fully digitized society? How do we reconcile the ancient Greek ideal of kalos kagathos with the constraints of postmodern aestheticism? What does the girl from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off look like now? These are just some of the dialectics we’ll be grappling with.”

“Also, the one-bite pizza reviews will be presented by Salman Rushdie until further notice,” he added.

At press time, Confluences was reportedly hosting an online livestream in which 12 Barstool employees sat in recliners and reacted to the latest soundscape from multimedia artist Camille Norment.

The post Barstool Sports Spins Off New Literary Journal appeared first on The Onion.

You can accept a four-bed colonial for $450,000…or take your chances on the mystery house!

Reference #68379

The post Mystery House appeared first on The Onion.

The post Trump Attempts To Distract From Epstein Files By Gaining 200 Pounds appeared first on The Onion.

Good take off… time for the weird forward lean.

Make the pizza with your skis, yep. Heels are the tip, toes are crust.

Nice, Spencer! You’ve got this.

Why is Airplane WiFi so bad? Shouldn’t it be the best up here? Isn’t this where all the WiFi is?

Phew, this is dangerous.

Why don’t I care about a show with the American crime letter agencies like CSI, NCIS, or FBI, but I LOVE a British show about MI6 or MI5? Do they feel that way about our shows?

Oh man, did I close the garage?

I can’t believe some other guys are injecting their penises with PEDs to fly further.

I feel like I’ve seen a lot of Snoopy lately. Is there a Peanuts anniversary?

Maybe I should’ve injected my penis with PEDs to fly further…

I’m still in the air. Jesus.

Is it too late for grad school?

I’ve never hit a bird before.

Hold the reverse pizza.

This would be a terrible time to hit a bird.

I’ll be so pissed off if I left a bunch of lights on at home—such an unnecessary bill.

Pizza does sound good. How have I been in Milan for this long and not had pizza? I kind of want to try Pizza Hut over here.

I want to win, for sure. I DEFINITELY don’t want to go viral for hitting a bird—almost more than winning.

Damnit, I think I did leave the garage open.

Hey, there are my parents.

It would be the most people to ever see someone hit a bird. It would pass the Randy Johnson video. It would be Randy Johnson, Fabio, and me. Three bird killers.

What even goes on in grad school?

Even though I haven’t used PEDs or injected my penis to be bigger and fly further, I want people to think I’ve enhanced my penis to fly further.

The pizza skis technique doesn’t apply to Detroit-style.

What does a comptroller do?

I really thought I’d be on the ground by now.

Mai Tran began catsitting in 2021 while Tran was on pandemic unemployment, often staying overnight in people’s homes. Tran has now cared for twenty-two cats and traveled to ten apartments all over New York City, observing the interior lives of cat owners and appeasing their neuroses. From home vet visits to black eyes to refugee cats, Chronicles of a Catsitter documents the most memorable days on the job.

I’m trail running around Buttermilk Falls in upstate New York, jumping over tree roots and water-slicked rocks. At the base, a size queen chats me up. “The water power here is not that impressive,” she says. “For real volume and height, you should go see Lucifer or Taughannock.”

I do my best to engage in hiking banter. When I emerge from a path, husbands and fathers speak on behalf of their families. They ask how many miles I traversed, or how far until the next waterfall, or comment on my speed around the bend. Forks in the road are prime spots for solidarity as we compare maps. I get the sense that people want to be exceedingly nice when they’re alone in the woods, and looking the way I do (benign), people love to see me coming. Sometimes I get nervous, although the animals are even more so. A deer crashes away from me; a snake slithers out of my path.

The running is slow, and I stop often to take photos or inspect native berries, which my crunchy partner would surely eat off the stem without first verifying their identity or washing them of dirt. After they moved in, I had never felt more like a lesbian in my day-to-day living, but also never more affirmed that I was a twink. I was scared of bugs, had absolutely no hard skills, and would undoubtedly die if left in the wild. I only existed to be cute and kind of bitchy.

I had escaped to Ithaca via a four-and-a-half-hour bus ride and a fortuitous catsitting opportunity, set up by my local friend V. At home, things were finally stabilizing “post-crisis,” with my partner’s self-deportation set far off in the abstract future. After two months of tending to it, I felt as if I could leave, or I wanted to ensure that I was still a person who could.

At the bus stop in front of Ithaca’s halal deli, V. was a sight for sore eyes in their Subaru hatchback. They scooped me up, and we drove through town, past yard signs advertising a women’s swim for hospicare and an (assumedly) all-gender bike ride for AIDS. Punk teens on the street automatically begged the question of whether or not they were children of Cornell professors. Seeing a huge black-and-white striped banner with a rainbow triangle, I learned about the “straight ally” flag.

We made it to the catsitting apartment, and I met Pleiades, an elderly cat who had been with his owner for years but was relegated to a small, dark bedroom. Annoyed with his kitten compatriots, who were more recently adopted, he was separated from them by a floor-to-ceiling mosquito net that had to be unzipped and zipped every time I entered or exited the room. I sent photos of the space to a friend, who quipped that the owner had a poster, flyer, and/or sticker for every social movement on earth. We found this ironic, given that we deemed Pleiades’ displacement from all other areas of the apartment, for two new and shiny cats, unjust.

During my week-long stay, V. enlisted me to help weed their 16′ × 9’ community garden plot. It seemed as if everyone in Ithaca gardened—no manicured lawns, just overgrown herbs, trellises, and a fixation on biodiversity, spotlighted by fireflies at night. A farmer’s market stand boasted that their gooseberries were “child-picked.” I sent my partner photos, and they reported that red bell pepper seeds had sprouted in our sink. They moved them to a plastic cup on our windowsill. From the Ithaca garden, I cut them rosemary, lavender, and sage, which I would later deliver via bus and subway, in a jar filled with water.

Back at Buttermilk Falls, a park ranger steps to the side so I can pass. I think about the metaphor that V. shared from couples therapy, while we were kneeling and squatting in the dirt. “Everyone has their own lawn to take care of,” they said. Sometimes lawns overlap, and those parts can be cared for together. If one person falls, another can step in. V. said my friendship has presence. V. said I am good at taking care of my own lawn.

After completing the predetermined loop, I peel off my socks and hang my feet in a swimming hole. Children scream at the darting minnows. I brighten my screen and text my partner to let them know I will return a day early. I’m anxious to see what’s happened while I’ve been away, if anything. I wonder if I’ll come home and think I felt something like respite, or a regulated nervous system. “What if you just stayed here forever?” V. had spouted, the same daydream I casually toss to my lover.

My heart aches. I think I love it here, but soon I’ll be tired.

This is amazing! I'm reading a story here about a fireman who accedentally swollowed a cat! #CowboyWho

The Schitt's Creek and Home Alone actress died last month in a US hospital, at the age of 71.

WASHINGTON—Advising her that even the most basic gesture of contrition would solve all her problems instantly, lawmakers reminded convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell on Monday that a simple “I’m sorry” could make all this go away. “We’re just asking for two simple words that demonstrate you feel a sense of regret for the harm you caused,” Rep. James Comer (R-KY) told Maxwell after her refusal to testify before the House Oversight Committee, saying all that mattered now was that the former Jeffrey Epstein associate acknowledged her misdeeds and made an effort to grow as a person. “Mistakes are part of being human, we realize, which is why we stand willing to let you walk free this very day. But that’s not going to be possible unless you can own up to having, quiet frankly, fallen short of the mark on a few occasions. And you know what? Apologizing actually feels pretty good. You’ll be glad you did it. Trust me.” Comer went on to say that Epstein himself had too much pride and unwisely rejected a similar offer.

The post Ghislaine Maxwell Reminded That A Simple ‘I’m Sorry’ Could Make This All Go Away appeared first on The Onion.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Facing allegations that their ChatGPT LLMs have been responsible for numerous user suicides, OpenAI responded swiftly by insisting the company will develop new proactive measures to stop such lawsuits before they ever happen. “We take the subject of suicide seriously,” explained OpenAI CEO Sam Altman, “but we take avoiding legal liability […]

The post OpenAI promises new safeguards to prevent suicide-related lawsuits appeared first on The Beaverton.

That’s the way to do it… sliced thin and piled high.