Shared posts

21 Mar 19:20

Britain Still Has Conversion Therapists. Here’s Why.

by Philosophy Tube

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Original Music by Nina Richards: https://www.ninarichards.co.uk/

BIBLIOGRAPHY:
Imma be real with you the bibliography for this one was way too long to fit in a YouTube description even cutting out loads of characters, so if you want specific citations best to go to the part of the video you want to know about, pause it, and check at the top of the screen.

00:00 - 04:01 - Introduction
04:01 - 37:01 - The History of Conversion Practices
37:01 - 54:29 - The Landscape Today
54:29 - 1:02:09 - How It's Infiltrating British Politics
1:02:09 - 1:17:11 - How To Actually Ban It
1:17:11 - 1:31:29 - The Current State of the NHS
1:31:29 - 1:50:35 - The Cass Review
1:50:35 - 1:59:42 - How the Cass Review Made It Worse
1:59:42 - 2:10:50 - Conclusions
21 Mar 19:01

NASA hauls its repaired moon rocket from the hangar back to the pad for an early April launch

by Marcia Dunn, AP
If the latest repairs work and everything else goes NASA's way, the Space Launch System could blast off as early as April 1 from Florida's Kennedy Space Center. The Artemis II crew went into quarantine this week in Houston.
21 Mar 19:00

Award-winning True Anomaly brewery cites I-45 expansion impact in announcing taproom closure

by Adam Zuvanich
I-45 is being expanded and rerouted in the downtown area as part of a multi-billion-dollar project by the Texas Department of Transportation that has drawn pushback from local residents and elected officials because it will displace nearby homes and businesses.
21 Mar 18:55

CBS News Radio shutting down after nearly a century on the air, marking end of an era

by David Bauder, Associated Press
CBS News said Friday it will shut down its storied radio news service after nearly 100 years of operation, ending an era and blaming challenging economic times as the world moves on to digital sources and podcasts. Said longtime CBS News anchor Dan Rather: "It's another piece of America that is gone."
21 Mar 18:54

Officials warn 120-year-old Hawaiian dam could fail as thousands told to evacuate flooding

by Jennifer Kelleher, Associated Press
Officials have been watching dam levels since a storm last week dumped heavy rain across the state, which led to catastrophic flooding that washed away roads and homes.
21 Mar 18:52

Some guys have all the luck!

Some guys have all the luck!

21 Mar 18:52

Lawmakers Buy Waterfall On Redfin

by The Onion Staff

A bipartisan group of Oregon lawmakers approved $2.1 million to buy the 92-foot-tall Abiqua Falls after it was put up for sale on Redifin, the previous Benedictine monk owners having put the natural wonder on the market earlier this year. What do you think?

“Pretty high price for a used waterfall.”

Alvaro Peña, Blog Consultant

“$2.1 million for only 92 feet?!”

Ester Cornett, Noise Analyst

“They’ll probably just turn it into an Airbnb.”

Raymond Uttley, Unemployed

The post Lawmakers Buy Waterfall On Redfin appeared first on The Onion.

21 Mar 18:51

Florida Hospital Sues To Evict Patient Discharged 5 Months Ago

by The Onion Staff

Tallahassee Memorial Healthcare sued a patient who refused to depart her room after being discharged last October, claiming she is diverting resources that could be used to help others. What do you think?

“Once the bleeding’s stopped, everything else is pampering.”

Stuart Corbell, Systems Analyst

“You don’t give up a remote-controlled mattress for anybody.”

Gary Ziang, Bean Roaster

“So selfish. Another patient could be going bankrupt in that bed right now.”

Emma Garvin, Equine Biographer

The post Florida Hospital Sues To Evict Patient Discharged 5 Months Ago appeared first on The Onion.

21 Mar 18:50

Doug Ford announces new law stating that if you’re an undercover cop you have to tell him

by Luke Gordon Field

“Also, Freedom Of Information requests can’t apply to burner phones.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Nile Seguin) talk Trump’s not at all desperate attempt to enlist other countries’ help to clear Strait Of Hormuz, Doug Ford’s plans to eliminate Freedom of Information Requests, and Poilievre’s disastrous St. Paddy’s Day video. Then the Approximately […]

The post Doug Ford announces new law stating that if you’re an undercover cop you have to tell him appeared first on The Beaverton.

21 Mar 18:50

World mourns simpler time when internet was just Chuck Norris memes

by Ian MacIntyre

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Mourners worldwide are gathering to fondly remember a time when the internet was primarily used to share humorous memes about action star Chuck Norris, who also died today at age 86. Bereaved online users shared an outpouring of nostalgia for a time before the internet was a non-stop avalanche of anxiety-inducing, algorithmically-driven […]

The post World mourns simpler time when internet was just Chuck Norris memes appeared first on The Beaverton.

21 Mar 18:50

We’ve Officially Won the War We’re Currently and Indefinitely Fighting

by Eli Grober

“We won. The first hour, it was over.”
Donald Trump, March 11

“The Pentagon has asked for $200 billion in funding for the war in Iran.”
The New York Times, March 19

- - -

I am proud to announce that we have won the war—the one we’re fighting right now, indefinitely. We have declared victory, which will help morale during the next few years of battle. In fact, we won this war so well that we need about 200 billion of your tax dollars to keep winning it.

Look, we don’t want to waste your money. That’s why we vowed to make this a quick war, and we’ve followed through on that promise. The first hour, it was over. The second hour too. First week, over again. Next week, we’ll be wrapping up. In a couple months, we’ll have finished this war more times than any war has ever been finished before.

Now, 200 billion dollars might sound like a lot of money. And it would be, if we were just winning one war. But when you finish a job, you get paid. If you finish the same job 200 times for a billion a pop, well, you do the math.

Some people have been saying that there was no reason this war needed to happen in the first place. That’s just not true. We were given highly credible intelligence that this war was completely unavoidable from the moment we started it. Others have claimed there was no imminent threat. That’s just naïve. There was an extremely imminent threat that if we attacked, there would then suddenly be a threat.

Other people have been saying that we’re committing war crimes. That’s not true either. If anything, you’re committing war crimes, since this is your money. I haven’t paid a dime. But we’ve finished our war crimes now, the ones that weren’t happening. Those are over. As of tomorrow, you will be paying for incidental violations.

The truth is, this isn’t even a war. It started as a specialized combat operation. Now that we’ve won that specialized combat operation, it’s become a continuation of a full-scale military intervention. We’re very close to turning that intervention into an all-out peacetime campaign, which can actually be very bloody and extremely expensive. When you really think about it, 200 billion dollars is a small price for you all to pay to get us out of this big peace-seeking mess you all already paid for.

One day, when this is all over, which it already is, you’ll look back at our many triumphs and smile, knowing that they’re still happening and that they’ll never end. And when that day comes, which it will every day forever, we won’t have to ask you for your money, because we’ve never had to ask you for your money—we’ll just take it, so we can win an unwinnable war we already won.

21 Mar 18:49

Star Formation

It's ok, I still have some nice, cool gas clouds that aren't collapsing. As long as nothing ionizes them, I can continue to enjoy their ... HEY! NO!!!
20 Mar 18:28

Orange Pekoe! Orange Pekoe? Orange Pekoe! Orage...

Orange Pekoe!
Orange Pekoe?
Orange Pekoe!
Oragen Pekoe?
I swear by it!
You swear by it?
and Lewies says that Phylis says that Sybil once had some Earl Grey at her place, and two out of three were delighted.
Well ... I don't go for those exotic teas.
#CowboyWho

20 Mar 18:27

Spring Horoscopes with Table Top Tarot

by Nancy Douthey

This is part of a series of seasonal horoscopes inspired by works of art and informed by author Nancy Douthey’s performance and storytelling-based Table Top Tarot. Hear about Douthey’s interest in tarot as a creative future building practice here.

ARIES

A photograph of the "Knight of Pentacles" tarot card.
Tarot Disassembled

Aries, your ruling planet is Mars; the planet associated with the God of War. With your metals of iron and steel you can forge anything from the fire within. This powerful “spark” is enough fuel to birth the entire Zodiac wheel into existence and this month your energy is met with an earth bound card of advice, The Knight of Pentacles, asking you to direct your power with slower intentional mapping. 

You have the strength and mobility of the horse to take you anywhere and, as this earth energy combines with your natural fire, you can navigate with more clarity at a steady pace. This includes having your prepared snacks, water, your phone charger, your sketchbook, some gas money, your journal, and your itinerary printed out and all in one place. Even you seem surprised by your organized readiness as you move in harmony with your environment and your goals. 

Dream-balance, place a heavy rock in one hand and then place several smaller rocks in the other hand until you find balance in your own body.

Art experience recommendation: Bowl with Fish, Iran, late 13th – mid-4th century, stone-paste, painted in black under turquoise glaze, 7.9 x 18.7 centimeters. The Hossein Afshar Collection at the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston

A photograph of a blue bowl with silhouettes of fish radiating from the center.
Bowl with Fish, Iran, late 13th – mid-4th century, stone-paste, painted in black under turquoise glaze, 7.9 x 18.7 centimeters. The Hossein Afshar Collection at the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston

TAURUS

A photograph of the "Ace of Cups" tarot card.
Tarot Disassembled

Taurus, you are ruled by the planet Venus. If you wanted to memorize the planets associated with the Zodiac, think, “Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus,” and you have the first two signs memorized. Maybe no one was expecting to learn astrology here but let’s do it anyway! Taurus shares Venus with Libra but because it comes first, Taurus is all about the inner world of luxury, think food and drinks and deep earthy nourishment.

This month dear Taurus you have the Ace of Cups as your card of advice, reminding you that unexpected emotional waters are coming your way this season. You may experience waves of gratitude, peace, and love that all feel completely out of the blue. If you were wondering if the cup was half empty or half full this season, you have enough for a divine party in this overflow of abundance, uplifting the entire world with sharing these moments of hope and happiness.

Dream-cry, in one pocket have a handkerchief, go ahead have it embroidered, or just a couple of tissues will do. In the other pocket, confetti.

Art experience recommendation: Embroidered Panel, Iran, late 16th – early 17th century. Museum of Fine Arts, Houston

A photograph of a 16th century Iranian embroidered panel with floral designs.
Embroidered Panel, Iran, late 16th – early 17th century. Museum of Fine Arts, Houston

GEMINI

A photograph of "The Devil" tarot card.
Tarot Disassembled

Gemini is ruled by the planet Mercury and the archetype of the messenger. Mercury travels fast around the sun, 88 days to be exact, mirroring your ability to move information at lighting speeds. Your mercurial nature to transform unseen ideas into words and meaning paired with your deep ability for fast, curious and charming communication with anyone that comes your way is an ancient skill you embodied, having worked for all the gods traversing known and unknown realms.

This season, Gemini, you are gifted with The Devil card and indeed, I’ll say it again, the Devil is in the details. For you, dear Gem, these small almost innocent attachments add up…think hours on your phone, french fry orders at any given drive-through or your Amazon “Buy it Now” purchases. Pay attention to your attention and let enough be enough. OR NOT and enjoy the deep satisfaction from the habit that keeps you cozy… Next season…things change. OF COURSE THEY DO!

Dream-focus, close your eyes for two minutes and say nothing. 

Art experience recommendation: Barbat Lute, Turkish (Ottoman), late 19th–early 20th century, wood, ebony, ivory, and mother-of-pearl inlay. Museum of Fine Arts, Houston

A photograph of a wooden lute with ebony, ivory, and mother-of-pearl inlay.
Barbat Lute, Turkish (Ottoman), late 19th–early 20th century, wood, ebony, ivory, and mother-of-pearl inlay. Museum of Fine Arts, Houston, Museum purchase funded by Franci Neely in honor of her son, Andrew Ellingson Beck III

CANCER

A photograph of the "5 of Pentacles" tarot card.
Tarot Disassembled

Ruled by the Moon. EVERY Caner knows this! However, it might be overlooked by those closest to you. (I’m softly reminding them now.) Just like the moon, you move in monthly cycles, deeply impacting those in your orbit. (I’m softly reminding you now.) Under this ruler, this silvery light of the moon allows us all to see in the dark, reflecting back the Sun and softening what might seem harsh under the light of day. Your ability to reflect something as intense as the Sun means you might be the actual center of the universe but…the Sun may think otherwise.

This season, Cancer, your card of advice is the Five of Pentacles, say “YES!” See where the beauty can be found and where the music can be heard, and go, dance! Find your way with your moonlight and all your star friends to the places, art, and food that bring you warmth and peace and remind you that the Sun does shine, even at night because of your beautiful reflection. 

Note: Hang with a Gemini and they will be sure to get you into a place of more freedom and possibility this season, it might be healing or chaotic enough to remind you that a broken leg is only temporary.

Dream-warmth, let the sun warm your skin until you can feel it and then go inside and splash some cold water on your face. Repeat. Daily. 

Art experience recommendation: Frida Kahlo, Naturaleza muerta (Soy de Samuel Fastlicht) [Still Life (I Belong to Samuel Fastlicht)], 1951, oil on masonite. Private collection, on view at the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston

A still life painting by Frida Kahlo featuring various fruits and a small sculpture of a dog.
Frida Kahlo, “Naturaleza muerta (Soy de Samuel Fastlicht) [Still Life (I Belong to Samuel Fastlicht)],” 1951, oil on masonite

LEO

A photograph of "The Fool" tarot card.
Tarot Disassembled

Leo is ruled by the Sun. Without you Leo there is no solar system. You are indeed the center. You are the vitality and the heart. Insert lion’s roar here, or feel free to demo and send us your own roar recording! You are the archetype of the father, creator, king. Ra, Helios, Sol, Jesus, the list goes on and on. And as a Leo, I know, you know. 

This season, Leo, your card of advice is the Fool Card. THE ZERO! Pack your bags, move, trash all the crap you don’t need, go on the trip, leave the relationship, let go, make that painting, though you don’t make paintings, get the dog (or the cat), make that call you keep thinking about and go on the adventure! Do the thing you don’t want to do and ride the edge into new territories and reinventions, and act on your ideas, climb your mountain. This is your risk card not because you are the fiery Leo but because you are the fiery Leo with all the tools, knowledge, companionship, joy, support, and trust in yourself that got you here! New ideas, new connections, new unknowns, put on that outfit that says, “I can do anything I want,” and do anything you want. Is this more permission for Leos to be more fire this season? YES, burn bright baby!

Dream-scout, friend needs a friend for the show, go. Friend needs to talk? Listen. Friend needs a lighter? Have one. Dog needs a walk? Grab the leash. Neighbor needs a flower? Deliver. Picnic needs more water and a bottle of wine? Bring your cooler!

Art experience recommendation: Frida Kahlo, Dos Mujeres (Salvadora y Herminia) [Two Women (Salvadora y Herminia)], 1928, oil on canvas. On view at the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston

A painting by Frida Kahlo of two women against a background of green leaves.
Frida Kahlo, “Dos Mujeres (Salvadora y Herminia) [Two Women (Salvadora y Herminia)],” 1928, oil on canvas

VIRGO

A photograph of the "3 of Wands" tarot card.
Tarot Disassembled

Virgo traditionally shares the ruler of Mercury with Gemini. This second sign brings more of the grounded aspects of Mercury, through their ability to navigate complex systems, think weaving, crafts, labor, and service. 

Virgo can also be associated with the Asteroid Belt, think about that scene in Star Wars where they are navigating all floating debris, this idea is a great metaphor that echoes Virgo’s ability to analyze, separate, and reassemble fragmented systems into flow states, all the while diving head-on into the turbulence. 

With your grounded earth energy, Virgo, this season you will be navigating with your card of advice, the Three of Wands. This fire card assures that whatever decisions you need to make, they will be made. Your ability to braid all the information from this three into a clear direction plays up your Virgo qualities with an added bonus of fire energy to bring action. This third wand may just be the walking stick you need for your next adventure or new goal. Delay will not be your friend this season; make a move and prepare to ride new waves. 

Dream-surf, allow the wind to inform your movement. The wind is everything. Follow. Listen. Move.

Art experience recommendation: Frida Kahlo, Sketch for Retrato de Luther Burbank [Portrait of Luther Burbank], 1931, graphite on paper. Colection Juan Rafael Coronel Rivera. On view at the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston.

A painting by Frida Kahlo of a man emerging from a tree trunk and holding branches with leaves in his hand. The roots of the trunk reach into the ground, where a decomposing body lays.
Frida Kahlo, “Portrait of Luther Burbank,” 1931, oil on panel. Museo Dolores Olmedo

LIBRA

A photograph of the "Knight of Cups" tarot card.
Tarot Disassembled

Libra is also ruled by Venus, and shared with Taurus. Libra is the expression of Venus in relationship and how beauty, harmony, and values find balance and are expressed in community and society at large. This reflects in the scale, the one sign that is represented by an inanimate object and observes relational positions. This sign can help positions find balance and common ground and bring outside perspectives. Libras are all probably in hiding this season…like unicorns. 

This season, Libra, if this finds you, your laying low is meeting momentum, a dreamy horse arrives to bring you and your emotional stability to the people around you. With your card of advice, the Knight of Cups, you are a natural for this position, following your heart and bringing balance in all your relationships. Who knew!? Fire, Water, Earth, Wind. Your balance this season has reached Knight anointing levels with an ability to navigate slippery terrain. Be sure to keep a water bottle on you to take some cool soothing sips when things get heated. Slow and steady wins this race.

Dream-thirst. Try it! Talk to the water. Say something about beauty or love. Drink. Repeat Daily.

Art experience recommendation: Alfredo Arreguin, Images of Kahlo, 1977, oil on canvas. On view at the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston

An oil painting featuring  shapes of flora and natural elements that reveal a camouflaged double portrait of Frida Kahlo.
Alfredo Arreguín, “Images of Kahlo,” 1977, oil on canvas

SCORPIO

A photograph of the "10 of Wands" tarot card.
Tarot Disassembled

Scorpio traditionally shares Mars with Aries but Scorpio’s modern ruler is Pluto. This deep outer planet’s placement in the solar system holds the shared qualities of Scorpio’s dark mystery, of death and transformation. During the darkness of winter, Scorpio asks each of us to go on the journey to the deep within or to chill by the fire and contemplate. Being the slowest moving planet, (orbiting the Sun every 248 years) Pluto takes us the furthest away in time and space, bringing us to the edge of what is known. 

This season, Scorpio, you may find yourself continuing to labor and build on top of your well-established foundation for your future, this endeavor has been years in the making. The card of advice for you is the Ten of Wands, fire energy from your dear Sagittarius neighbor giving you the push to keep going with all the responsibility you have taken on with dreaming big. Build! AND ask for help! Reach out. You are not alone. With this fire and water combo you may want to cook up a big soup and regroup with friends and family just to keep going! The finish line is in sight!

Dream-rest, take a deep breath in and out. Expand your lungs just like you expand your experiences. Go deep. Repeat.

Art experience recommendation: Frida Kahlo, Sin esperanza, 1945, oil on canvas, 11 x 14 inches. On view at the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston

A self portrait by Frida Kahlo of herself laying in a bed in a surreal landscape with a hornlike object protruding from her mouth. The large conelike end of the horn is filled with animals such as fish, a chicken, and a pig.
Frida Kahlo, “Sin esperanza,” 1945, oil on canvas, 11 x 14 inches

SAGITTARIUS

A photograph of the "Justice" tarot card.
Tarot Disassembled

Sagittarius, you are ruled by the planet Jupiter, the wise and benevolent, a gas giant that expands just like that of Saggittarius’ desire for growth and freedom and the space to shoot all your arrows. Like Jupiter, you are the seeker of truth through traveling to distant lands, reading endlessly, and asking yourself the questions that ignite the seeker within and following the heart to find what else is out there. 

With your fire and gas this season, Sagittarius, your card of advice is the Justice card, aiding you in your truth seeking abilities and asking you to slow down. Weigh your options and make the choice through balance, consideration, and aligning with your values. Your aim here is vital to this season’s success. This choice will have a significant outcome so be sure it is one that serves you best down the road, however you decide, this season it looks like you are ALL IN.

Dream-ping-pong, let your mind see a fork in the road and just drift to the right or the left, letting the other side completely disappear to feel into this choice, this road. Do it for five minutes. Then go back and pick the other side and go down that road for five minutes. Pick one. 

Art experience recommendation: Barbara Carrasco, Frida, tu y yo, (Frida, You and Me), 1991

A triptych featuring drawings of Frida Kahlo and a self-portrait of artist Barbara Carrasco.
Barbara Carrasco, “Frida, tu y yo, (Frida, You and Me),” 1991

CAPRICORN

A photograph of the "4 of Pentacles" tarot card.
Tarot Disassembled

Ruled by the wise father of time, Saturn is our long-term planning and cosmic clock. Commonly heard as a “Saturn return,” this framework represents an approximate 30-year cycle (the amount of time it takes Saturn to travel around the Sun) as this planet aligns with our natural maturing process (O-30, 30-60, 60-90). Saturn’s placement lives on the edge of what can be seen, and the planet sets boundaries with its rings. A boundary that positions us to be in “reality.” These are our natural limitations, asking if we will be able to take the leap of faith into the unknown and to confront our fears. 

The Four of Pentacles, Capricorn, is asking you where you might be holding on too tight. You have the clear, grounded, resources to make the leap, and it might be time to trust that gut and let go of what you are hanging on to. 

This season, give yourself a moment of lightness where you lay down, stretch out, and enjoy the feeling of being free in your own body. Hit that gym, buy that house, rent the studio, and get that hair cut. Let go! 

Dream-bubbles, get a bubble blower this season, and with a deep breath, aim and watch the magic of bubbles move with the current of the air. Repeat daily for a week. Be delighted.

Art experience recommendation: Ana Mendieta, Untitled, Silueta Series, Mexico, 1976

A photograph by Ana Mendieta of an indentation of a human form on the ground, filled with red pigment.
Ana Mendieta, “Untitled, Silueta Series, Mexico,” 1976

AQUARIUS

A photograph of the "Ace of Swords" tarot card.
Tarot Disassembled

Aquarius shared the ruler of Saturn with Capricorn until 1781 when Uranus was discovered. If you were wondering how to get to the unknown, find an Aquarius and they will take you. Full of innovation and radical abilities to take the leap out of comfort and find their way in the dark into the future. Aquarius carries the wisdom of Capriron and sets themselves free. 

This season, Aquarius, your card of advice is the Ace of Swords, so go ahead and trust all that air! You will find you have more clarity this season with unexpected ease. Clear communications give you more flow this season, and your ability to clear out the clutter is at an all time high. Use with wind energy to get it moving. This mountain you have been climbing is starting to feel like a stroll. 

Dream-climb, with your imagination see yourself at the top of the mountain. Celebrate this climb, your new perspective, and this spectacular view. 

Art experience recommendation: Frida Kahlo, La flor de la vida (The Flower of Life), 1944. On view at the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston

A painting by Frida Kahlo of a red anthropomorphized plant.
Frida Kahlo, “La flor de la vida [The Flower of Life],” 1944

PISCES

A photograph of the "Page of Pentacles" tarot card.
Tarot Disassembled

Like many of our planets, Pisces once shared Jupiter with Sagittarius and yet is now ruled by Neptune since it was discovered in 1846 (by accident). This God of the Sea is in perfect harmony with the vast world of Pisces’ oceanianic depth. Pisces, like Neptune, you carry the trident to calm the waters, stir the storms, and navigate the ever-moving waters that could so easily lull us into a dream. 

With the Page of Pentacles as your card of advice, Pisces, your natural desire to expand will be able to materialize into grounded long-term efforts. In other words, plant those seeds. What do you want to grow this season and harvest the next? You can start anything new and get the results you want if you stay with it. Pick something that will take your attention and your devotion. 

Dream-egg. Visualize a floating egg. Give it a color. See a bright light creating a beautiful silhouette that you can’t totally make out. See the egg start to crack wide open, bringing you a beautiful gift. This gift is just for you. 

Art experience recommendation: Frida Kahlo, Moises (Moses), 1945, oil on masonite. Museum of Fine Arts, Houston

A painting by Frida Kahlo filled with religious icons and symbols. At the center of painting is a baby in a basket floating on water.
Frida Kahlo, “Moises (Moses),” 1945, oil on masonite. Museum of Fine Arts, Houston

The post Spring Horoscopes with Table Top Tarot appeared first on Glasstire.

20 Mar 18:23

Chuck Norris, martial arts master and actor whose toughness became internet lore, dies at 86

by Associated Press
Norris, who had a home in the Navasota area northwest of Houston, died Thursday in what his family described as a “sudden passing.”
20 Mar 18:23

Why Texans Don’t Vote — And What Could Change That

by Laura Walker
Co-hosts Brandon Rottinghaus and Jeronimo Cortina delve into the latest news in politics
20 Mar 18:23

Chuck Norris, martial arts master and actor whose toughness became internet lore, dies at 86

by Jonathan Mattise, Associated Press
Norris died Thursday, in what his family described as a "sudden passing."
20 Mar 18:21

I promise I’ll never wake up another dead explorer.

I promise I’ll never wake up another dead explorer.

20 Mar 18:20

Dirt-Covered Trump Boys Attempt To Siphon Gas From Ground

by The Onion Staff

WASHINGTON—Determined to help their father bring down high prices by single-handedly boosting the nation’s fuel supply, a dirt-covered Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. reportedly attempted Friday to siphon gasoline from the ground. “I’m gonna slurp some gas out of this hole, and then while I’m spitting the gas into the bucket, you slurp up some of your own,” said Donald Jr., who, as he positioned himself facedown in a shallow trench dug into the White House South Lawn, asserted that this back-and-forth rotation system would set off “a real gusher” after just a few mouthfuls of suction. “You just gotta be careful, because once we get this thing going, the gas is gonna shoot out with a ton of pressure. If you swallow too much of it, you have to barf it out immediately, okay? And then, after Dad takes what he needs to help the economy, you and I can start filling these empty two-liter bottles so he’ll have backup gas if he ever needs it.” At press time, sources reported that Eric Trump was unconscious after forgetting to breathe for five minutes straight with his face in the mud.

The post Dirt-Covered Trump Boys Attempt To Siphon Gas From Ground appeared first on The Onion.

20 Mar 18:20

American Baked Potato Association Study Finds It Best To Load ’Er Up

by The Onion Staff
20 Mar 18:18

ABC Cancels Mormonism

by The Onion Staff

NEW YORK—Pulling the plug on the religion in light of a newly released video featuring church member Taylor Frankie Paul, ABC announced Friday it was canceling Mormonism. “After reviewing this disturbing footage, we have made the decision not to move forward with the Mormon faith,” read a statement from parent company Disney Entertainment Television that shocked fans of the long-running Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. “We understand this last-minute decision may throw a wrench into your Sunday plans. However, our focus is on supporting authorities in their investigation of this church.” At press time, ABC confirmed Mormonism would be temporarily replaced with Shakerism.

The post ABC Cancels Mormonism appeared first on The Onion.

20 Mar 18:15

Trump Deal for a $33B Gas Megaplant in Ohio Faces Huge Hurdles

by By Kathiann M. Kowalski, Canary Media
The government’s surprise announcement lacked key details, leading some to doubt if the project can secure equipment, permits and room on the grid any time soon.

By Kathiann M. Kowalski, Canary Media

This story was originally published by Canary Media.

20 Mar 14:37

#Ryo #RoninWarriors

20 Mar 14:37

Retail News: Going out of Business sale begins at two Houston area Krogers

by Mike
The days are numbered for the Krogers at 239 W 20th St, Houston, TX 77008, and 6060 FM 2920, Spring, TX 77379. These two stores will close permanently in the next few weeks as part of a larger round of closings that have put multiple stores across the country on the chopping block this year. The primary cause of these closures is likely a mismatch between rent increases and store sales. In a recent article, ...
20 Mar 13:08

Third Date Apparently Just Going To Be Watching ‘Amélie’ Without Any Hugs Or Kisses

by The Onion Staff

MILPITAS, CA—After gradually resigning himself to an evening entirely devoid of physical intimacy, local man Seth Martin observed Friday that his third date with Hinge match Laura Parker was apparently just going to be watching Amélie without any hugs or kisses. “We’re an hour into the movie and Laura hasn’t so much as held my hand or pecked me on the cheek,” Martin told reporters, noting that Parker had sat down at the other end of the couch in which he was sitting. “I’ve tried making eye contact with her at multiple points, but her eyes are firmly glued to the screen. It’s like she doesn’t even notice I’m here. I thought that during the movie’s more emotional moments, like when Amélie returned that guy’s box to him, Laura would come over to my side of the couch and maybe rest her head on my shoulder, but no dice. I guess I’m just going to be watching Amélie skip stones or whatever until it’s time for me to leave.” At press time, Martin had reportedly let himself out of Parker’s apartment after she fell asleep during Amélie’s love scene with romantic interest Nino Quincampoix.

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20 Mar 13:08

Tips For Saving On Gas

by The Onion Staff

Gas prices are soaring, with the price of crude oil rising above $119 per barrel at one point Thursday. The Onion shares tips for saving money at the pump.

Remove unnecessary weight from your vehicle, such as airbags, doors, and bumpers.

Driving in reverse uses less gas, probably.

Limit braking to weekends.

Make a tank of gas stretch the whole week by cutting it with lentils.

Live in one of the three walkable U.S. cities.

Alternate which kid goes to school each day.

Remember, a gurney rolling downhill is more fuel efficient than an ambulance, and faster too.

Consider switching from a gas-guzzler to a more efficient, environmentally friendly country.

Buy and store as much gas as you can right now before all those other selfish assholes start hoarding it.

The post Tips For Saving On Gas appeared first on The Onion.

20 Mar 13:07

Trump Threatens Airstrikes On U.S. Gas Stations

by The Onion Staff

WASHINGTON—In a promise to address the pain Americans were feeling at the pump as his war with Iran approached its fourth week, President Donald Trump threatened Friday to launch airstrikes against U.S. gas stations if they did not lower their prices. “These terrible places must stop overcharging Americans every time they put fuel in their car, or I will have no choice but to unleash a massive bombing campaign against them,” Trump said during a White House press briefing, stating that he had already asked the U.S. Navy to send aircraft carriers to regions where American gas stations operate. “Someone told me the price of unleaded gasoline in our country has risen 32% in the past month. Can you believe that? So I have instructed our intelligence community to provide me with a list of targets among the QuikTrips, 7-Elevens, and Kum & Go’s, and Casey’s General Stores responsible for this outrageous situation, and if they do not comply immediately, they will face total destruction.” The president went on to criticize gas stations for raising prices at a time when the nation was engaged in a major military operation overseas, saying there would be no war profiteering on his watch.

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20 Mar 13:07

Youth Hockey Banquet Spent Convincing Heavyset Teammate To Eat Copious Amounts Of Butter Squares

by The Onion Staff
20 Mar 13:06

Trump Adds Name To Kennedy Center Again

by The Onion Staff
20 Mar 13:06

Ryan Gosling Recalls Preparing For ‘Project Hail Mary’ By Consulting Katy Perry

by The Onion Staff

LOS ANGELES—Crediting the singer for sharing her unique expertise, actor Ryan Gosling told reporters Friday the story of how he prepared for his role in Project Hail Mary by consulting Katy Perry. “Katy was a tremendous help on set—I couldn’t have played Dr. Ryland Grace without her,” said the 45-year-old actor, who confirmed that the singer and Blue Origin astronaut served as the film’s official aerospace consultant, training with Gosling for weeks to help him learn to properly hold a daisy and sing “What A Wonderful World.” “My performance of a man adrift in space wouldn’t have been nearly as believable if Katy hadn’t been there to answer all my questions. I had so many, and she was so knowledgeable and so patient the whole time. She really helped me get inside the mind of a space explorer.” At press time, Project Hail Mary directors Phil Lord and Christopher Miller confirmed that if it weren’t for Perry, they wouldn’t have known to add Lauren Sánchez and Gayle King into the background of the spacecraft for accuracy.

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