Shared posts

01 May 17:13

The Onion’s acquisition of Austin-based Infowars is on hold — for now

by Raul Alonzo
The "status quo" of the decades-old conspiracy mill is preserved until a hearing next month.
01 May 17:09

McCormick Introduces New Transdermal Gravy Patch

by The Onion Staff

HUNT VALLEY, MD—Hailing the product as a life-changing alternative for those in need of controlled withdrawal solutions, officials at packaged food giant McCormick & Co. introduced a first-of-its-kind smooth and hearty transdermal gravy patch Tuesday. “At McCormick, we know well the frustrations and difficult side effects that come with abrupt attempts to quit gravy, so we’ve created these unobtrusive, easy-to-apply patches to help you avoid withdrawal symptoms while slowly weaning your body off of thick, flavorful sauces,” company spokesperson Meghan DuCharme said of the slow-release patches, which work to taper off the amount of gravy being released into one’s system and come in a variety of flavors, including chicken, turkey, mushroom, and brown. “We know getting off gravy can be tough. If you’re someone whose dependence on gravy makes quitting a challenge, these over-the-counter patches deliver a full meal’s worth of savory goodness in a controlled dose so you can fully monitor how much gravy you’re taking in.” DuCharme stressed that users should rotate the gravy patch daily to avoid lumps in their bloodstream.

The post McCormick Introduces New Transdermal Gravy Patch appeared first on The Onion.

01 May 17:08

The Met Gala By The Numbers

by The Onion Staff

The 2026 Met Gala will take place Monday, May 4. The Onion examines the key facts and figures behind the annual star-studded event.

1 in 3

Invitees aware the Met is a museum

5th

Floor where the real Anna Wintour is safely stored while her decoy attends the gala

$25

Target gift card awarded to “Best Dressed” winner

$350,000

Cost to sit at a table and watch Jacob Elordi eat shrimp

1

Amount of Maggie Gyllenhaals who typically show up

4

Minimum number of inches hemline must extend beyond fingertips to comply with dress code

330

Members in the “Post Your Met Gala Dress 2026” Facebook group

$119,000

Cost of last-minute program reprint to fix “Anna Centaur” typo

The post The Met Gala By The Numbers appeared first on The Onion.

01 May 14:59

Profit for the biggest U.S. oil companies declined in 1st quarter – but only on paper

by Michelle Chapman, Associated Press
With energy prices depressed at the start of the year, Exxon Mobil and Chevron had arranged hedges to offset volatility, a standard practice in the industry.
01 May 14:58

Phish Ask Fans To Stop Hacky-Sacking Sphere

by The Onion Staff
01 May 14:58

Racehorse Receives Carrot Every Time He Wins $2 Million For Owner

by The Onion Staff
01 May 13:19

East Aldine Management District partners with Avalos P-TECH students to debut ‘Phoenix in Bloom’ art car

by Northeast News
By David Taylor / Managing Editor HOUSTON — A used 2020 Nissan Kicks became a rolling canvas this spring after the East Aldine Management District purchased the vehicle and ...
01 May 13:18

Are Houston’s Best Buys always at IKEA?

by Mike
Howdy folks, and welcome back to HHR. Today, we’re trying to preserve some photos of what I’m guessing will not be a permanent partnership, the alliance between Best Buy and IKEA. We’re taking a look at the Best Buy in Humble. This location was one of ten selected last year to try out this crossover. The basic version of this is that IKEA has set up plan and order centers at a handful of Best ...
01 May 13:16

employees don’t want to participate in our community outreach, parking issues, and more

by Ask a Manager

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Employees don’t participate in our community outreach activities

I’m a part of the “good will” committee for my office location, as well as the large committee for the whole company. Lately I’ve been feeling a struggle of getting other employees actively involved in our initiatives. Good will is a named tenet of our company, and we have a pretty healthy annual budget to go along with it.

We try and have one or two initiatives per month that have varying degrees of involvement. Sometimes it involved volunteering onsite (during work hours or directly after). Sometimes it’s asking for donations (gently used books or unexpired canned goods/shelf stable foods). We’re not asking people to go and spend their own money on things. The most successful ones are in-office, during office hours, but there’s only so many opportunities for those.

We also try and cover a variety of different areas — unhoused people, kids/schools, food scarcity, women, LGBTQIA+, community gardens and book depositories, animals, BIPOCs groups. We also ask employees about groups they would like to see us support.

I just feel like it’s been a struggle lately to get people involved. People never seem to have issues finding time for sporting events or happy hours, but no one seems to want to do a shift at the food bank. Shocking, I know. Any ideas on how to get people motivated?

They may not want to. Some people want to spend their limited downtime relaxing, and that’s okay. I’’m not sure it’s appropriate for an employer to try to change that.

People are exhausted right now, and they’re at work to earn money, not to volunteer. A lot of people who are charity-minded do their charity work on their own time, and don’t feel their employer needs to claim the credit for those efforts. If your company wants to do good in the community, that should mean it’s coming from your company’s resources — its money and its time (meaning that this should all happen on work time, not after hours, and other work needs to be moved aside to create space for it; the expectation shouldn’t be that people’s regular workloads don’t change at all to make room for it). If the company isn’t willing to do that, then this is just a value they’ve stuck on a list, not a genuine value they hold.

All that said, I think you have the answer when you say, “The most successful ones are in-office, during office hours, but there’s only so many opportunities for those.” If people aren’t interested in ones outside of that category, that’s feedback worth listening to! And if there are only so many opportunities for those, then maybe you stick to those because that’s what employees are up for.

Beyond that, talk to people! Survey employees on what they are and aren’t interested in participating in — both in terms of specific activities and general categories of activities (during work hours, 5-7 pm, drives where you bring items from home, etc.), and also ask how they’d like to see the company live out this value. That’s what ultimately should shape it.

2. Should I tell my manager about a recurring issue with a coworker?

I’m a receptionist at a small healthcare-adjacent company and would appreciate your advice on a recurring issue with a remote customer service representative, “Donna.”

Callers frequently report being hung up on a few minutes after I forward them to the customer service line. Almost every caller who tells me this has mentioned they were speaking with Donna when it happened, which is a problem I don’t encounter with any other representatives.

Because our work involves urgent health-related matters and long wait times, these disconnections can be pretty significant for our clients. Sometimes they’re sitting in the queue listening to hold music for 20 or 30 minutes before having to start over again because upon being transferred to Donna, they get disconnected.

Thing is, I’m hesitant to report this to our supervisor because the guy is a severe micromanager, and I want to avoid subjecting anybody to having to deal with him. I’ve been the subject of his ire before, and it’s not fun when his laser beams get trained on you. However, I’m growing concerned that Donna may be intentionally disconnecting calls, or has an unstable remote connection. How would you suggest I handle this situation?

You need to tell your manager about it. It’s a significant issue, and it’s got to be incredibly frustrating for your callers — and your position means you’re probably the only person (other than Donna) who’s aware of it. Your position does give you standing to raise it, because you’re partly responsible for the experience that callers have when they contact your company. (That doesn’t mean you’re responsible for whatever is happening once you transfer them, of course — just that when you have info about their experience that no one else has, you do need to make someone higher up aware.)

If that mean Donna gets micromanaged … well, some closer management might be needed here, because either Donna is intentionally disconnecting callers or is aware she’s frequently losing her connection and not bothering to ask for help to get that fixed. Or maybe she has, in which case she’ll presumably explain that to her boss — but either way, this is something you should escalate.

The subject line of your email to me was, “Is it appropriate to snitch on my coworker for this?” and this is not snitching. This is letting your manager know about a work issue that’s highly relevant to how well your organization is serving clients.

3. Disabled and losing access to parking

I work at a university that recently announced a major campus construction project that will eliminate a significant amount of central parking, including areas closest to my building. The announcement framed this as an exciting improvement to campus life, but for some of us, it creates a serious accessibility problem.

I have a disability that affects my mobility. Even now, I arrive over an hour early just to secure one of the limited nearby parking spots, and I still face a several-minute walk to my building, which can be difficult depending on the day. I am not the only one who does this in my building. There’s several of us who do this daily. With these lots closing, we are all extremely concerned that we simply won’t be able to access my workplace in a reliable or sustainable way.

This is the second time in a few years that staff parking has been reduced. In this case, the project will also remove several accessible parking spaces across campus, and they are not being replaced.

The university’s suggestion is to contact parking services for alternatives, but based on past experience, those alternatives are not workable for me. They typically recommend using a shuttle system, which is difficult for me to physically navigate, or parking farther away. Factoring in wait times and travel, that could add close to an hour to my commute each day. I also have religious commitments after work on Fridays, and this added time would make it difficult or impossible to attend. The shuttle isn’t always the most reliable. It’s also small and with more people probably needing to use this, it could add in well over an hour to my commute daily.

Another option is purchasing access to parking at a nearby institution, but that requires an upfront cost of over $700 annually, which is not financially feasible for most people.

My job could be performed remotely, but remote work is not currently offered as an option, and I worry that pushing too hard on that could negatively affect my job security.

I have not reached out to parking services, as I am not optimistic about the response they will give. Historically, the university has been resistant to feedback on parking and accessibility concerns or they ignore emails totally. Another colleague reached out to them with these exact concerns, but she’s certain she’ll not receive a response or they will not care as they have when there were issues with parking spots blocked off earlier last year.

At what point does this become an ADA issue? What are my options for advocating for reasonable accommodations in a situation like this? Would requesting remote work on days when I cannot access parking be reasonable, or am I better off pursuing a formal accommodation through HR or another route such as an anonymous ADA complaint?

It’s an ADA issue now. Under the ADA, employers with 15 or more employees are required to provide accessible parking as a reasonable accommodation for workers with disabilities, and they must engage in an interactive process to find solutions if spots are unavailable.

You should submit a request in writing to HR with the subject line, “official request for accommodations under the Americans with Disabilities Act.” Don’t go through parking services since they’ve been unresponsive; approach it as a legally required medical accommodation with HR.

4. Independent contractor vs. employee

I have a question regarding W2 vs 1099 contractor definitions. I understand one key legal difference is a contractor sets their own hours. Does that mean that no employment where I commit to showing up at a certain time can be a 1099? Like, let’s say I am a tutor. I choose my students and can let them go. But let’s say I sign on to tutor someone intensively for two hours once a week for a semester at a specific time slot, and I sign a contract to that effect, do they now have to give me a W2?

The IRS doesn’t use a black and white test for contractors where if you don’t set your own hours, you can’t be a contractor. Rather, they look at the totality of the circumstances. They look at three factors: (1) behavioral — does the company control or have the right to control what the worker does and how the worker does their job? (2) financial — are the business aspects of the job (like how the worker is paid, whether expenses are reimbursed, and who provides tools/supplies) controlled by the company? (3) type of relationship — are there written contracts or employee-type benefits (insurance, vacation pay, etc.) and is the work a key aspect of the business? The law says, “Businesses must weigh all these factors when determining whether a worker is an employee or independent contractor. Some factors may indicate that the worker is an employee, while other factors indicate that the worker is an independent contractor. There is no ‘magic’ or set number of factors that makes the worker an employee or an independent contractor and no one factor stands alone in making this determination. Also, factors which are relevant in one situation may not be relevant in another. The keys are to look at the entire relationship and consider the extent of the right to direct and control the worker.”

There are independent contractors who commit to working set hours. Doing that doesn’t on its own make you an employee.

The post employees don’t want to participate in our community outreach, parking issues, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

01 May 13:11

Auto proficiency

by John Allison

The mystery boys are hard cases, Glenn. They’re turbocharged nutters. Sonny once made a daisy chain and Linton has been known to watch three or four unboxing videos in a row. As for Jack…

01 May 13:09

Part 3.55

Part 3.55
01 May 00:05

#ArmorOfHalo #RoninWarriors

01 May 00:05

Oh Look! Here's Jerome! Friendly giant Jerome, ...

Oh Look! Here's Jerome! Friendly giant Jerome, remember? I do! #CowboyWho

01 May 00:03

Houston’s northern suburbs, Katy are sinking faster than other parts of the region

by Natalie Weber
Rapid population growth has driven higher rates of groundwater usage, leading to more sinking in these areas.
01 May 00:02

Due to the potential for heavy rainfall, a Stage 1 flood alert is in place for all of Friday

by Eric Berger

In brief: With today’s update we are issuing a Stage 1 flood alert for Friday in the Houston area. This means mostly minor impacts, but we cannot rule out some street flooding. The weekend looks much cooler, with sunny skies and generally very pleasant weather.

Space City Weather all-up flood scale image

Stage 1 flood alert

We are not expecting widespread flooding issues on Friday, but there is clearly the potential for heavy rainfall across the Houston metro area. In terms of timing, the most likely period will be from late Thursday evening through late Friday evening. There is the potential for impacts both during the morning and evening commute on Friday, not to mention school pickups and after-school activities. Most of Houston should pick up 1 to 3 inches over the course of the 24-hour period, which is totally manageable. However there are likely to be spots that pick up more than this, with the potential for isolated totals of 3 to 5 inches. For this reason we are instituting a Stage 1 flood alert for all of Friday. We expect rainfall potential to fall off quickly by Friday night, midnight. Saturday looks fine, with clearing skies.

Thursday

Houston reached 88 degrees on Wednesday, but I believe we’re done with the very warm weather for now. Skies today will be mostly cloudy and this should help limit high temperatures for most locations in the mid-80s. An initial push of slightly drier air should arrive this afternoon, allowing low temperatures tonight to fall into the 60. In terms of rainfall, we will see the potential for scattered showers, and perhaps a few thunderstorms today and into this early evening. However, there won’t be anything too special about this activity. We’ll start to see increasing chances for rainfall after sunset on Thursday and into the overnight hours.

NOAA rain accumulation forecast for now through Friday night. (Weather Bell)

Friday

The much discussed cold front will essentially stall over the Houston metro area on Friday, and this will serve as a focus for showers and heavy rainfall. (There is a very slight chance for severe weather, such as damaging winds and hail). There remains some uncertainty as to where the heaviest band of rainfall will set up, it could be along the Highway 59/I-69 corridor, or a little north or south. But we do feel like somewhere is going to see 2 to 4 inches, with higher amounts possible. Generally we expect most of the region to pick up 1 to 3 inches. This potential for rainfall will persist into the evening Friday before the front finally pushes off the coast.

In terms of temperatures, I expect everyone to be in the 60s on Friday morning, with inland areas remaining there while coastal areas may warm into the mid-70s. By early Saturday the entire area will be in the 50s.

Low temperature forecast for Sunday morning in the Houston area. (Weather Bell)

Saturday and Sunday

Although some clouds may linger on Saturday morning, we now pretty much expect wall-to-wall sunshine for the weekend. Saturday’s highs may peak around 70 degrees, whereas Sunday reaches the mid-70s. Friday night and much of Saturday will be quite breezy, with southerly gusts reaching 25 or even 30 mph (especially along the coast). These winds should die down by Saturday afternoon or evening, so Sunday looks placid in this regard. Lows on Saturday night should again drop into the 50s, with the potential for upper 40s for far inland areas. Both Saturday and Sunday will enjoy low humidity. This is a really nice cold blast for early May, so enjoy it before summer arrives!

Next week

We’ll warm back up to the mid-80s by the middle of next week before a weaker front may push into the region and bring some rain chances and slightly cooler conditions. We’ll see.

30 Apr 23:59

I was laid off, but my old coworkers are still texting me with work questions

by Ask a Manager

A reader writes:

My position was recently eliminated.

Now former colleagues are texting me to ask questions. I don’t feel obligated to answer. What are some response options when I want to politely say no?

You’re not obligated to answer questions when you’re no longer working there. That said, it’s also true that if you want to keep good relationships with these colleagues and might need them for job leads or references (informal or otherwise) in the future, you might not want to take a completely black-and-white line on this.

You definitely shouldn’t do work of any real substance when you’re no longer getting paid — like a detailed update on the history of a project or a rundown of the best way to approach a client — but if it’s a very simple question like “where is the key for the X filing cabinet?” that you could answer in a single sentence, it can be to your benefit to answer, because you want to maintain those relationships. Even then, there are limits; if you’re getting multiple questions like that, it’s reasonable to stop helping. But one or two very simple questions? Those are usually in your best interests to answer.

If you’re being asked for more then that, though, then any of these are reasonable to say:

* “I don’t think I can help since I’m no longer working there — I’m sorry about that!”

* “I don’t have access to that anymore now that I’ve left.”

* “I’m not sure off the top of my head — sorry!”

* “I’m not sure off the top of my head, but check the files I left behind.”

* “I can’t keep answering questions now that I’m gone, but try checking the manual.”

If it’s a colleague you particularly like or have good rapport with, you could say, “I know you’re in a tough spot since you’re trying to get this done, but since I’m not being paid anymore, I’m not comfortable continuing to help with the work.”

And if it’s a really large number of questions on substantive things and you’d be willing to help if they paid you, you could say, “I’m getting a lot of requests for help with things like this. I’d be willing to set up a consulting arrangement for a set number of hours of time over the next month or two if you want to do that.” (I’ve noticed people like to suggest quoting an outrageously fee for that, but that’s not in your interests either. A fair rate, yes, but not an obscene one just because you want to stick it to them; that’ll just make your judgment look really off. If you want stick it to them, you’re better off skipping this altogether.)

But if you’re not particularly interested in maintaining these relationships and don’t think you’ll want to call on them for any sort of help in the future, you can also just ignore the messages. You’re not obligated to respond.

The post I was laid off, but my old coworkers are still texting me with work questions appeared first on Ask a Manager.

30 Apr 23:58

Can you hear me over there?

Can you hear me over there?

30 Apr 23:58

They’re gonna chew you up and spit you out.

They’re gonna chew you up and spit you out.

30 Apr 23:58

James Comey Indicted Over Seashell Photo

by The Onion Staff

The Justice Department indicted former FBI director James Comey a second time for posting a photo of seashells arranged in the shape of “86 47,” which Trump and his allies insisted was a threat to get rid of the 47th president. What do you think?

“If nothing else, he’s radicalized several hermit crabs.”

Thalia Knox, Buffet Overseer

“If he wants to kill political opponents then he should just run for president.”

Gordon Frazier, Chief Banjoist

“It’s about time the feds cracked down on cringe Instagram posts.”

Matt Ware, Systems Analyst

The post James Comey Indicted Over Seashell Photo appeared first on The Onion.

30 Apr 23:57

Rogers buys naming rights to Bell Canada

by Eric Turkienicz

TORONTO – In the latest in a string of branding acquisitions, telecom giant Rogers has secured all naming rights over Bell Canada. “When I think of Bell Canada, I think of a heartless, megalithic, amoral corporation with a blue logo,” said Mike Jeffries, a Sudbury resident. “Now when I see them, all I’ll be able […]

The post Rogers buys naming rights to Bell Canada appeared first on The Beaverton.

30 Apr 23:57

BREAKING: This nepo baby sure hates it when you call them a nepo baby

by Geoff Cork

Los Angeles, CA – Recent interviews with famous people who have benefitted from their familiar relations have gone sour as interviewers correctly described them as nepo babies. “I am not a nepo baby,” said famous nepo baby Zooey Deschanel. “My father was a director of photography and my mom was in some tiny show called […]

The post BREAKING: This nepo baby sure hates it when you call them a nepo baby appeared first on The Beaverton.

30 Apr 23:00

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Meaning

by Zach Weinersmith


Click here to go see the bonus panel!

Hovertext:
The worst part is the robot makes him use reddit 7 hours a day, because that's what past employees were doing in its training data.


Today's News:
30 Apr 22:56

Simple Machines

It's hard to decide which simple machine system to invest in. DeWalt makes a great lever and inclined plane, but I hear Milwaukee's wheel-and-axles are really good.
30 Apr 15:09

Depraved Inbred Community Distances Itself From Prince Andrew

by The Onion Staff
30 Apr 15:09

Overambitious Man Wants To Get 2 Things Done Today

by The Onion Staff

AKRON, OH—Saying the expectations he had set for himself were completely unrealistic, friends of local man James Chao expressed skepticism this morning after the 25-year-old announced plans to get two different things done today. “When I heard James say he was going to pick up some groceries, that was one thing, but when he told me he also wanted to do his laundry, I realized he was pushing himself way too hard,” said roommate Aaron Steiner, adding that Chao was apparently oblivious to how much sustained focus and effort would be required to complete not just one, but two tasks in a single 24-hour period. “At a certain point, you’re only setting yourself up for failure. If you get one thing done, you’ve already gone way past any reasonable person’s expectations. Try for a second thing and, I mean, there’s just no way. That guy really needs to slow down and give himself a moment to put this whole thing into perspective.” At press time, Chao’s friends were reportedly urging him to stop and take it easy after they found him in the kitchen wearing a clean shirt and preparing a meal for himself.

The post Overambitious Man Wants To Get 2 Things Done Today appeared first on The Onion.

30 Apr 15:09

Drunk God Makes A Few Dozen Roosters Materialize Over Pacific Ocean

by The Onion Staff

HONOLULU—Cackling wildly as He willed the barnyard fowl into existence, a drunk God Almighty, Supreme Leader of the Universe, reportedly made a few dozen roosters materialize Thursday over a random point in the Pacific Ocean. “Yo, Gabriel, check this shit out!” the wasted Creator of All Things said while jostling the archangel on the shoulder and pointing at the birds struggling in the waves below. “Look at all these fucking birds I got. Can’t fly to shore, so what you gonna do? Come on, look at this shit. Look, they’re all splashing and squawking like motherfuckers. Should I put ’em in a volcano or something? Maybe I’ll materialize a couple orcas for good measure. Or wait—what about a whirlpool? Damn, I don’t think I’ve had this much fun since the flood!” At press time, reports confirmed God was throwing down an extra large rooster to make as big of a splash as possible.

The post Drunk God Makes A Few Dozen Roosters Materialize Over Pacific Ocean appeared first on The Onion.

30 Apr 15:08

You’re Not Wrong, Babies Are Getting Worse: Enshittification Comes For A Once-Beloved Classic

by The Onion Staff
30 Apr 14:53

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Clavicular

by The Onion Staff

Influencer Braden Peters, better known as Clavicular, has generated controversy for his “looksmaxxing” content. The Onion sat down with the streamer to discuss his views, methods, and aspirations.

The Onion : Do you consider your methods to be extreme?

Clavicular: I get called extreme, but no one blinks an eye when Ms. Rachel tells kids to smash their jaws with a hammer.

Is there anything you wouldn’t do in the name of looksmaxxing?

I’m never getting rid of my tail.

Is the looksmaxxing community racist?

Absolutely not, but the racemaxxing community I’m part of definitely is. 

How much testosterone have you taken today?

Well, I currently have six more testicles than I woke up with this morning.

Are you okay?

I’m actually pretty well-adjusted compared to most 20-year-old men.

What are some of the biggest problems facing today’s young men?

Me.

What’s next for you?

I might try becoming attractive to women.

The post The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Clavicular appeared first on The Onion.

30 Apr 11:18

My kinda town

by John Allison

When I was trying to think what the tourism video would be like, I had to think what Shelley Winters would commission (back in her days in the mayor’s office), and I was certain that it would be almost exactly like one of Telly Savalas’ 5-minute films on British cities. The best one is, for my money, Birmingham. The degree to which it unexpectedly kicks off in this video is magnificent.

30 Apr 11:12

Leading Cancer Charity Stops Funding Open Access Publishing Because It’s Just Not Working

by Glyn Moody

As numerous posts on this blog have emphasised, the underlying idea of open access (OA) – allowing anyone to read and share published academic research for free – is great in principle, but in practice has failed in important ways. That’s because traditional academic publishers have subverted the open access model to such an extent that the costs for research institutions of publishing in OA journals have barely changed at all. And yet one of the other key aims of open access was to save money while widening availability. Against that background, a natural question to ask is: if open access has failed to deliver savings, why bother supporting it? Cancer Research UK, the world’s leading cancer charity, has evidently asked itself that question and come up with an answer, which it explains in a post entitled “Why we won’t be funding open access publishing any more”:

We need efficient scholarly communications to spread scientific ideas via a fair economic model. We currently don’t have that. The open access movement was bold and promising, but ultimately disappointing. Now is the time to stop and call for a new way to make publishing work…

Ceasing to fund open access in the way we currently do will save us £5.2m of donors’ money over the next three years. That’s a substantial amount which can be put towards cancer research.

The post by Dan Burkwood, Director of Research Operations and Communications at Cancer Research UK, explains what exactly the problem is:

We currently fund open access publishing for our researchers in a number of ways. Despite hopes that this would enable a flourishing of open access dissemination of science, most of the growth has occurred in hybrid journals. These are publications that combine OA articles with those behind a paywall – this means the publishers will still charge for university and institute libraries to access them, even though researchers have paid for their work to be published. For us, this means we currently use donated money to fund our researchers, institutes and centres to publish OA research articles, yet they still have to pay to access the majority of journals in which those articles appear. The publishers are – so to speak – having their cake whilst also eating it.

These so-called “hybrid models” are discussed at length in Chapter 3 of Walled Culture the book (free digital versions available). They were presented as a transitional approach towards journals that were fully open access, but in many cases that transition hasn’t happened, not least because the hybrid model is so profitable for publishers, who therefore have little incentive to move to fully open access titles. Burkwood rightly points to a key reason why academic publishers continue to wield such power: the academic world’s insistence on using published articles in prestigious titles as a metric of success.

Cancer Research UK are working to widen the way we evaluate research in order to mitigate the heavy focus on publication outputs. It’s clear to us that a broader view of an applicant’s career is vital to gauge potential success. By signing up to DORA (San Francisco Declaration on Research Assessment), we encourage our reviewers to assess the quality and impact of research through means other than just journal impact factor. Additionally, we invite applicants to submit a narrative CV, allowing a more holistic view of their track record, research outputs and career progression.

But as he acknowledges, “Despite our, and others, attempts to limit the emphasis of the ‘publish-or-perish’ mindset, it will take time for the culture to change.” In the meantime, he suggests:

If researchers have no access to publishing funds they can publish their work for open access at no cost, but the publication will sit behind a paywall for 6 months (under embargo) before being deposited on Europe PMC open access – this is known as green open access.

Green open access provides full and free access to papers, but only after an embargo period, typically six months, but sometimes longer (gold open access provides instant access, but requires payment by researchers’ institutions.) That makes green OA a poor substitute for real, immediate open access.

The problem here is that such embargo periods have long been accepted as the norm, but that is only because a terrible blunder was made over two decades ago by the Research Councils UK (RCUK). In 2005, the RCUK stipulated that the work it funded would require open access publication. However, when the final version of the RCUK’s policy appeared in June 2006, it had a significant flaw, expressed in the following provision: ‘Full implementation of these requirements must be undertaken such that current copyright and licensing policies, for example embargo periods or provisions limiting the use of deposited content to non-commercial purposes, are respected by authors.’ As the leading open access scholar Peter Suber wrote at the time, this was a completely unnecessary concession:

Researchers sign funding contracts with the research councils long before they sign copyright transfer agreements with publishers. Funders have a right to dictate terms, such as mandated open access, precisely because they are upstream from publishers. If one condition of the funding contract is that the grantee will deposit the peer-reviewed version of any resulting publication in an open-access repository [immediately], then publishers have no right to intervene.

At the root of the issue of embargoes lies copyright. If researchers retained full control of the copyright of their articles, rather than assigning it to publishers, they could prevent any embargoes being applied to them.

Cancer Research UK’s decision is regrettable but understandable. The fear has to be that others will follow suit. While the hybrid model is not universal, it is widespread enough to undermine the open access idea. Until researchers refuse to publish in such hybrid titles, publishers will continue to profit from them. Given the unnecessary embargoes imposed on articles released under green open access, that leaves alternatives such as diamond open access, where there are no charges for anyone, an approach that has long been espoused on this blog.

Follow me @glynmoody on Mastodon and on Bluesky. Originally posted to Walled Culture.