Cowboy Who?

John Oliver on Last Week Tonight, uh, last week, regarding Disney’s initial (but brief) caving to Trump’s demands that they suspend or even fire Jimmy Kimmel for his having the temerity to mock the mad king for being a sociopathic ghoul sliding into the depths of dementia:

Look, at some point you’re going to have to draw a line. So I’d argue, why not draw it right here? And when they come to you with stupid, ridiculous demands, picking fights that you know you could win in court, instead of rolling over, why not stand up and use four key words they don’t tend to teach you in business school? Not, “OK, you’re the boss.” Not, “Whatever you say goes.” But instead, the only phrase that can genuinely make a weak bully go away. And that is, “Fuck you. Make me.”

“Fuck you, make me” is, to me, the founding principle of this nation. That was our message to King George III, a tyrant descending into madness (who even suffered from swollen legs and feet, which rings yet another bell with our current wannabe mad king). And it needs to be our response to Trump.

FUCK YOU, BRIAN!

FUCK YOU, BRIAN! Also, please tell your neighbor to the right (your left) that I apologize for smashing their window.

If Brian receives this: FUCK YOU!

If Brian’s Neighbor receives this: I need you to know that I’m standing directly across from Brian’s window. I’m even using my nondominant hand to aim before I release, so I shouldn’t be missing. That being said, I take full responsibility.

Rather than attempting to fix my throwing mechanics in real time at the cost of your window (which unfortunately I can’t cover), I’ll move to stand across from Brian’s other neighbor’s window before throwing the next brick. It should still veer right, thus going to Brian. See attached diagram.

Sorry about this. It won’t happen again.

FUCK YOU, BRIAN!

I literally don’t know how the hell I hit your window from this angle, Brian’s Neighbor. Do bricks abide by a different law of physics? I think I’m getting the yips. I’m going to close my eyes for the next one and see what happens.

FUCK YOU, BRIAN!

I missed what happened because my eyes were closed. However, based on the sound of glass shattering and the now-expanded hole in your window, I can guess. If one more brick goes to you, Brian’s Neighbor, there’s a greater force at work here.

There’s a greater force at work here. Did the greater force also compel Brian to dump me while I ate a singular pierogi with a toothpick? He ruined Costco for me. But perhaps it was all so I could connect with you, BN. I’m going to throw this one backwards!

That confirms it. We’re cosmically linked. Maybe I’m meant to warn you about your neighbor, Brian. Avoid him at all costs. He can’t be trusted, which I should’ve known from the start. His Hinge dating intentions were “long-term relationship, open to short.”

But he charmed me—he always called baristas by their names, he kept his Adderall in 35 mm film canisters, and he had so many baseball caps that looked vintage but were actually brand new. His entire closet was filled with deliberately beat-up baseball caps. Where’d he keep his shoes? His jackets? His seasonal hats? He was so deep. I was desperately compelled, and I

I ran out of space on the last brick. As I was saying, I became obsessed. I could’ve just asked—I should’ve asked—but too much time had passed. I slept over just to sneak out of bed and scavenge the place for his outerwear. It was as though they had no storage, but simply waited in the ether to materialize on his body when he approached the front door. It haunted me.

Finally, months later, I stumbled upon the truth: a secret room, tucked behind a panel in his closet. It had his shoes, his jacket, and a shrine to Maroon 5. The most shocking part was the logistics. One sec… new brick.

Was it a pre-existing secret room? How’d he find wax sculptures of the non-Levine members? Did his landlord know? But I didn’t want to ask; Brian was always sensitive about his renter’s agreement.

Still, he sensed I knew, but continued to insist that his favorite artist was Blood Orange. His shame corroded our relationship. He also had an emotional affair with an AI chatbot, but it was mainly the Maroon 5 thing.

Hey, how old are you? Not to read too much into it, but I’m feeling a vibe here. Me throwing bricks into your apartment, you not calling the cops on me… No one has, actually. This is lowkey a really sketchy area.

Maybe you could introduce yourself? Stick your head out of the window. I mean, there’s already a hole. I’m in a fragile yet incredibly self-possessed state, if that appeals to you.

Okay, so I’m hearing sirens. Did I give you that idea? What kind of person can’t independently conclude to call the cops on someone smashing their window with bricks? This is the last one I’ll throw before fleeing into the night. You need to get it together, dude.

Also, please tell your neighbor to the left (your right), “FUCK YOU, BRIAN!”

Thanks!

The 15th annual World College Radio Day takes place on Friday, October 3, 2025, with stations from around the globe celebrating and bringing attention to student radio as an enduring form of media. The first licensed college radio stations launched in the United States in the 1920s and since that time student radio practitioners have been innovators in technology, music discovery and radio programming.

By nature, radio has traditionally been an ephemeral endeavor, with many shows never recorded and lost to the ages. While some stations meticulously save paper materials like internal newsletters and promotional materials sent by bands and record labels, many others regularly purge these bits and pieces of day-to-day operations. College radio has added challenges due to ever-changing groups of students, tight budgets and space constraints. In light of these factors, many college radio stations aren’t able to save and archive as much as they would like.

The Digital Library of Amateur Radio and Communications launched a dedicated college radio collection in February 2024 in an effort to preserve the materials associated with college radio culture. It now contains over 9,000 items from student radio stations and student radio trade organizations from across the United States and Canada. The wide-ranging collection includes radio station flyers, music charts, playlists, zines, program guides, organizational documents, correspondence, meeting notes, recordings of artist interviews, oral histories, scholarly articles, clippings, photos, training manuals, scripts, magazines and more. It is especially exciting to me that these items now exist in a central place online, so that college radio fans, participants, scholars and alumni can search and find materials from a variety of stations.

Recent additions to DLARC College Radio include college radio collections from Haverford College, Mount Holyoke College, Lehigh University and Virginia Commonwealth University. We have also added program guides/zines from several campus and community radio stations in Canada, including CiTR Discorder (from 2009 to 2023), CFUV Offbeat Magazine (1986-2002) and various CKUT program guides and magazines.

We have been regularly adding items to DLARC College Radio from Yale University’s archives, including materials from Yale’s independent student radio station WYBC and from The Ivy Network. Formed in 1947, The Ivy Network was initially started by members of college radio stations at Ivy League schools, including those at Dartmouth, Yale, Harvard, University of Pennsylvania, and Princeton. The Ivy Network was “designed to further the aims and purposes of the member stations, to gain the advantages which the free exchange of information, ideas, and advice will bring, and to obtain advertising on a national scale,” according to its policy document.

In honor of College Radio Day, we invite you to explore and contribute to the growing collection of student radio materials in DLARC College Radio on the Internet Archive.

Here are some highlights:

• Early organizational documents from Intercollegiate Broadcasting System, including its 1940 constitution
• WMHC (Mount Holyoke College) DJ and studio notebooks from the 1970s and 1980s, full of handwritten playlists, scribbles and notes
• Pledging Ritual (circa 1932-1945) and other materials from the Phantom Mask, a radio drama fraternity at University of Oklahoma
• Sunflower Story Hour – a 2025 WGSU radio drama focusing on the supernatural
• Episodes of WINGS (Women’s International News Gathering Service) newscasts from 1986 to present
• Recordings from CFRC Radio’s Oral History Project done in conjunction with the Queen’s University radio station’s 60th anniversary

The Digital Library of Amateur Radio & Communications is funded by a grant from Amateur Radio Digital Communications (ARDC) to create a free digital library for the radio community, researchers, educators, and students. DLARC invites radio clubs, radio stations, archives and individuals to submit material in any format. To contribute or ask questions about the project, contact: Kay Savetz at kay@archive.org. Questions about the college radio sub-collection can be directed to Jennifer Waits at jenniferwaits@archive.org.

Good Boy, a horror movie told from the point of view of its dog protagonist, comes to theaters this weekend. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the film.

Q: What is Good Boy about?

A: A loyal dog discovers supernatural forces lurking in his crotch that must be exorcised through intense licking.

Q: What’s so unique about the film?

A: It’s viewed from the perspective of a bored audience member.

Q: How did they get the dog to react?

A: The crew rubbed peanut butter on the ghosts.

Q: Where does it take place?

A: About two and a half feet off the ground.

Q: How long is it?

A: 504 dog minutes.

Q: How is Glen Powell’s performance?

A: Again, that is a Nova Scotia duck tolling retriever.

Q: Is it scary?

A: Most theaters allow you to purchase a ticket and then wait in the parking lot while the movie plays.

The post What To Know About ‘Good Boy’ appeared first on The Onion.

KNOXVILLE, TN—After a disappointing lunch that shattered his romanticized view of the topping, heartbroken local man Vince Salazar stated Monday that he now understood he had only ever loved the idea of a fried egg on a hamburger. “I thought the sunny-side up burger upgrade was what I really wanted, but I’ve come to see that I fell for a glamorized flavor profile that was never going to make me happy,” said Salazar, who explained that he had fetishized what it would be like to have an ooey-gooey yolk poured over his beef patty and allowed to soak into his bun, never truly appreciating what made a burger great in the first place. “In a lot of ways, it’s society’s fault for perpetuating the myth of an idealized fried egg burger and bombarding you with these messages about how amazing it will be if you order one. Because that’s just not true. In reality, you can’t force a new topping onto your burger and expect everything to be perfect. It has to happen organically.” At dinnertime, reports confirmed a newly smitten Salazar was telling anyone who would listen about how guacamole was the burger ingredient he had been looking for all along. 

The post Heartbroken Man Realizes He Only Loved Idea Of Fried Egg On Burger appeared first on The Onion.

The widow of the recently deceased Leonard Hendrick, 66, would like all single men in the community to know that her husband died and she is ready to move on.

The post Leonard Hendrick appeared first on The Onion.

The post Report: It Nice That Linemen Feel Comfortable Showing Off Bare Bellies appeared first on The Onion.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Moving people to a new team just so they can be fired

This got relayed to me from a coworker who is in a supervisory role, Dorothy. She has a direct report who she is working on terminating, as this individual has not been meeting the basic requirements of the job, including the essential functions. They were already given an extended probation and continue to not meet the requirements of the role. There’s a whole backstory to it, but a new development has occurred that seems really suspect.

Dorothy was told by her supervisor, Sophia, that once this person is out, they will transfer another employee to Dorothy’s team who has been performing poorly for years, despite repeated interventions by their current supervisor, Rose. Sophia wants to transfer this person to Dorothy’s team so Dorothy can fire them, because “Dorothy now knows the process.” Sophia plans to repeat that with a third poorly performing employee currently being supervisored by Sophia (in lieu of Blanche, who retired a month ago).

This is obviously incredibly messed up, but my question is … HOW messed up? Transferring people to a different team explicitly so they can be fired feels like stepping into illegal territory! Also, I’ve told Dorothy she should be documenting this in as many ways as possible, because this seems like the type of thing that could then be used later down the line to get rid of her.

Clearly, the supervisors who are supervising these poorly performing employees should be the ones to handle any terminations — they are the ones who know the person’s work! It is part of the responsibility of a supervisor! But what should Dorothy be doing to protect herself or stop this from happening?

Yikes, this is ridiculous! It’s not illegal — companies can use whatever process they want to fire someone, as long as it’s not discriminatory — but it’s terrible management and incredibly unfair to Dorothy. Sure, she has “learned the process” by dealing with her current person, but there’s no reason Rose can’t “learn the process” too — and it’s part of Rose’s job to do that when it’s needed. Dorothy presumably didn’t sign up to be the company firer, and if she agrees to keep letting people be transferred over to her so she can fire them, it’s going to affect her reputation: people will think that Dorothy’s team is where you get sent to be fired, or that Dorothy is a bad manager who fires people without cause.

Dorothy should push back with her own manager and say she’s not willing to take on firing processes for other managers. She can point out that it’s time-intensive and emotionally draining, and that while she will of course take that on when there’s a problem on her own team, it’s far too great of a burden to take it on for teams that aren’t even her own. She should be firm about this, because the idea is ludicrous enough that there’s a good chance they’ll cave if she flatly refuses.

(For what it’s worth, I’m betting that Rose is a big problem here: she’s had an employee who’s been performing badly for years and hasn’t dealt with it, and apparently Sophia considers her incapable of dealing with the situation now. Although obviously Sophia is also a big problem, as the architect of this bonkers idea.)

2. Should my company have been more discreet about only some people getting retention bonuses?

I am very happy at my company and feel well-treated. A few years ago, the owner/CEO went into semi-retirement and sold half the business to NewCEO (but he still does some work behind the scenes from home). When he made the announcement about this, he also stated that he was giving all employees who had worked there more than a year a large bonus to thank us for our hard work in helping grow the business. My understanding was that it was a retention bonus as well as a thank-you, to be paid out in chunks of money a year apart (I assume to make sure the transition to NewCEO was smooth with little turnover, which it was).

Fast-forward a few months later, and a Teams message went out from NewCEO saying, “All employees hired more than one year from X date, your bonuses will appear in your next paycheck.” I was very happy and grateful to get this substantial bonus — after all, OldCEO didn’t have to do this! But two newer women who had missed the one-year mark were blindsided and very upset by this. One was in tears. Either they weren’t at the meeting when it was announced or were hired since, I’m not sure.

Should the company have done this more discreetly, not mentioning it on company-wide Teams? The bonuses weren’t a secret (even though amounts weren’t made public). Or should they have given everyone a bonus just to avoid hard feelings? Should they have given the new women a heads-up? I’m not sure that would have been well-received either.

Yes, they should have been more discreet about it. Sending out a message announcing some people but not at all are getting substantial bonuses is a recipe for the people who aren’t getting them to be upset, even if there’s a clear, objective reason for who falls in which category. It’s naive to think it won’t. (It’s also naive for people not to understand that bonuses sometimes work like this, but the company still should have foreseen this.)

I’m not saying they should have hidden it; trying to do that could cause worse problems if it eventually came out anyway, which it probably would. But sending a blithe “people in category X, your bonuses will appear in your next paycheck” message to the whole company was tactless and unnecessary.

That said, tears are a pretty strong reaction and I wonder if something more was going on there.

3. Should I offer feedback to unprofessional intern candidates?

I’m a program manager at a small nonprofit. Along with managing the several interns we have, I’m also the person who receives their application materials. I’m currently in the middle of hiring for a marketing internship, and while I’ve seen some strong candidates and am looking forward to interviewing them, I’ve also seen some … less than great application materials.

I remember being in college and am sure I made some errors in professionalism while applying for internships, but it wasn’t quite on the level of having a shirtless picture of a guy (which is not applicable to the nonprofit I work for, although I’m sure it might be for some roles?) as the cover of my online portfolio. I received one application from someone who simply just said “Thanks” in the body of their email, and another applicant sent me an attachment of a .txt file that contained a link to their LinkedIn in lieu of a resume.

I feel very strongly about replying to all applicants, even if just to say “We appreciate your interest, but we’ve decided to go with a stronger candidate” because I know how disappointing it is to get radio silence. Would it be a kindness to also gently point out the issues I notice? I don’t want to preach to them, and I would never want to do it in a demeaning or demoralizing way, but not saying anything that could help them in the future feels unkind. Am I overthinking this?

It would be a kindness and I understand the impulse because I used to have it too, but it’s not a good use of your time and it’s not your job.

If someone specifically asked for feedback, I’d be more inclined to offer some, but otherwise there are lots of resources on job-hunting and communicating with employers out there. Plus, “don’t include a shirtless photo on your portfolio” and “your email is way too brusque” is just not the kind of thing that you, an employer with no relationship with these candidates, are well positioned to offer. If it were something more straightforward like “yellow type on a grey background is making your resume hard to read,” then sure.

Related:
should I point out job applicants’ mistakes to them?

4. I was charged PTO for attending a work event

In my first week at my new job, we had a team-building outing. Everyone was expected to attend. We had to leave the office at 2 p.m. and the outing was over by 6:30. This week, I noticed that three hours of my PTO had been deducted for it. This also happened before. Last summer, while I was interning for the same company, I had to go to a team lunch (which I ended up having to pay for myself, btw) that ran over, and (because I was hourly at the time) they deducted the 1.5 hours the lunch ran over from my paycheck.

As a newly hired employee fresh out of college (and intern, at the time) I don’t feel like I can skip out on these team activities. Do I have any recourse? Obviously I do not want my PTO used for what are essentially mandatory work events. Is it even legal?

If you’re required to attend, it’s work time and must be paid. However, they can charge your PTO for it — because that’s still paid time. The law on paying you for required work stuff just mandates that you be paid; it doesn’t look at whether that pay is coming out of your PTO balance or not.

But it’s still BS and completely contrary to logical understanding of what PTO is. (And wow, way to team-build; I’m sure that didn’t have the effect they were going for.)

You could approach it this way: “I don’t think this PTO should have been deducted from my check because the team-building event was mandatory — so work time, rather than me taking time off. Is there a way to get this fixed?”

The post moving people to a new team just so they can be fired, only some people are getting retention bonuses, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

#Rowen #Ully #Mia #RoninWarriors

There is something though funny...
Oh yeah what's that?
The Cowboy Pat show!
And it's coming on right now! #CowboyWho

mst3kgifs:

Here’s one that oughta get the kids going…

The post Nicole Kidman Retires Drag King Persona ‘Keith Urban’ appeared first on The Onion.

Pete Hegseth sharply condemned “fat generals” at a military gathering, ordering all officers to meet stricter fitness standards. What do you think?

The post Pete Hegseth Rails Against Fat Generals appeared first on The Onion.

“Don’t worry, we still have enough funds to indiscriminately bomb people on small boats near the coast of Venezuela.” Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Clare Blackwood, Megan MacKay) talk about Trump’s 20 point plan to end the war in Gaza, Mark Carney’s plan to end Canada Post, and the Toronto Blue Jays’ plan to […]

The post Trump promises shutdown will not impact essential U.S. government services like Bombings and Coups appeared first on The Beaverton.

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but Democrats are dangerously close to keeping health insurance costs from spiking.

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but that’s just how things go when you only control all three branches of government.

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but somebody has to do something about the federal workers who still have jobs.

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but what’s the alternative? Negotiate? We don’t negotiate with terrorists. Did you see Hakeem Jeffries in that sombrero hat? Terrorist!

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but we never considered the possibility that Democrats would show some spine. Therefore, we did not consider any alternatives, and we had no backup plan.

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but illegal immigrants are getting free health insurance. Well, “illegal” in our opinion. And they are paying for it. Still.

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but it’s not our fault that the Democrats only have one true patriot (John Fetterman).

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but the librarians had it coming.

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but we promised our constituents we’d make Washington dysfunctional. This was all outlined in Project 2025, which we assume people read before voting for us.

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but the alternative is letting people find out Democrats were right about something.

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but if the government stays open, what are we supposed to fundraise off of?

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but at least now we have a good excuse to lay off federal workers from states that voted for Kamala.

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but an X account with 47 followers called me a RINO, and I will get primaried if anyone sees that.

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but government is socialism, if you think about it… SOciialLiZmMm… SppPpoOookKy…. ZoooHrAAn MaMdAAAAniiiiiiiiii. (Another person we intend to fundraise off of.)

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but we had at least one internal poll showing Democrats would get blamed for it, and so we already filmed our “standing strong against the establishment” campaign ads.

We, the GOP, don’t want a shutdown, but we don’t actually live off of our government salaries, so we’ll be okay.

In May 2024, Pooja Shali, an anchor for India Today, received a concerned message from a friend. The friend had been scrolling Instagram Reels and came across what appeared to be a video of Shali announcing the news on her morning show, First Up.

Audiences across India are used to seeing Shali behind the anchor desk, but in this clip, something felt off. Shali’s lips matched the words being spoken, but after the first sentence, her intonation changed and her cadence became stilted. She also appeared to be promoting a mobile trading app, one she said had been vetted by the India Today newsroom and received a $3 billion investment from India’s richest man.

Shali had never heard of the app, let alone promoted it to her viewers on air.

“I was completely shocked,” Shali said. She immediately recognized the clip as a deepfake. While the first seconds of audio were pulled from a real First Up segment, everything spliced in after was an AI-generated fabrication. “We report on digital financial scams consistently and we are the ones alerting people not to fall for digital scams, but you wouldn’t expect your face or your voice to be misused.”

When the trial was initially announced it included 50,000 public figures. After I reached out to Meta for comment for this story, the company updated those figures in a corporate blog post. Currently, 500,000 public figures have enrolled in the program, which is still only available in the U.S., U.K., and South Korea. In the first half of 2025, Meta also says the number of scam ads reported by users globally on its platforms dropped by 22%, when compared to total ad impressions.

While Wolf was ultimately able to fight off his scammers, other journalists may not be able to lean on personal connections or institutional support to get the attention of social media companies. Many journalists don’t even live in countries where Meta’s facial recognition program is operational.

“Trying to go through the official channels is frustrating, it’s time-consuming, and it’s largely ineffective,” said Matthew Garrahan, the head of digital platforms at the FT. “It was only [after] Martin’s column that Meta began to really move. We had a former deputy prime minister of the U.K. intervening to help us get it taken down, and then they were still back.”

Meta did not respond to questions about Clegg’s involvement or whether Wolf’s column influenced the company’s response.

“On the platform side, you need to have this likeness protection really broadly available to a much wider range of public figures,” Witness’s Gregory said of facial recognition programs like Meta’s.

He points to YouTube as a platform that is beginning to take stronger proactive measures. In mid-September, the social media giant announced it was rolling out facial recognition-based moderation to all members of its YouTube Partner Program, which includes more than 3 million creators around the world. (Gregory said that even with increased reach, he’s found YouTube’s moderation enforcement to be “patchy.”)

Women Press Freedom, meanwhile, has scaled back the resources it puts into corresponding with social media companies. Nazish said the decision was prompted in part by the industry’s continued disinvestment in global moderation infrastructure.

In 2022, X laid off the majority of their global trust and safety teams. Earlier this year, Meta ended its third-party fact-checking program. Women Press Freedom used to be able to collect documentation of deepfakes and send them directly to company contacts who they relied on to advocate for post removals. Those channels had all but disappeared by 2022, even before this most recent boom in deepfake scams.

In the vacuum that’s left, targeted journalists are running out of ways to defend their credibility.

“Now when I speak I’m a little bit more cautious,” said Shali, of her appearances at the anchor desk since last year. Eight months after the first scam ads using her image appeared, a new deepfake cropped up on social media promoting a similar trading app. This time, the deepfake video featured both Shali and Google CEO Sundar Pichai. “It’s heavy on my mind,” she told me. “When I’m talking I don’t know how they will be able to manipulate it.”

Wikipedia is one of the 10 most popular websites on planet Earth and, in this reporter’s opinion, one of humanity’s greatest modern achievements of the digital age. It’s the closest we’ve gotten to making all the world’s information freely available to all, the result of armies of volunteers constructing an incredibly robust architecture for knowledge. Many have tried to build universal online encyclopedias to rival it, and none have come close. It is, as much as anything else on the internet, sui generis. And, annoyingly to certain acquisitive billionaires, it’s not for sale.

So of course Elon Musk says he’s going to build his own, calling it “a necessary step towards…understanding the Universe.”

We are building Grokipedia @xAI.

Will be a massive improvement over Wikipedia.

Frankly, it is a necessary step towards the xAI goal of understanding the Universe. https://t.co/xvSeWkpALy

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) September 30, 2025

In June, Musk raised eyebrows by promising to “rewrite the entire corpus of human knowledge, adding missing information and deleting errors,” using his Grok AI. That’s the same one with a nasty habit of heil-Hitlering.

We will use Grok 3.5 (maybe we should call it 4), which has advanced reasoning, to rewrite the entire corpus of human knowledge, adding missing information and deleting errors.

Then retrain on that.

Far too much garbage in any foundation model trained on uncorrected data.

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) June 21, 2025

I assume Musk will get around to Grokipedia right after he finishes saving the news industry with micropayments, which has been overdue since May 2023.

Join @xAI and help build Grokipedia, an open source knowledge repository that is vastly better than Wikipedia!

This will be available to the public with no limits on use. https://t.co/3CnfrvNIpI

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) September 30, 2025

Some employees at the Department of Education changed their responses back to the more neutral language, only to have it changed yet again to the partisan response, multiple sources tell WIRED.

BURBANK, CA—Touting the promotion as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go behind the scenes of the beloved medical drama, producers of The Pitt announced Thursday that one lucky fan had been chosen to undergo an open-heart procedure performed by the stars of the series. “I wrote in to explain how much I love the show and how severe my atherosclerosis is, but I never imagined they’d actually pick me,” said contest winner Jacob Hughes, who added that he’d been wanting a triple bypass from Noah Wyle ever since the actor’s ER days. “It’s been surreal. This morning I arrived at the Warner Bros. soundstage where they’ll do the operation, and I got to meet the actors who play Dr. Robby, nurse Dana, and all the residents. They promised that Tracy Ifeachor will make the first incision into my aorta!” At press time, Hughes’ remarks that he couldn’t wait for the critically acclaimed cast to “crack open [his] rib cage” had been confirmed as his final words. 

The post Lucky Fan Wins Open-Heart Surgery From Stars Of ‘The Pitt’ appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Touting the substance’s anti-inflammatory properties and high smoke point, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. released a statement Thursday advocating for the use of beef tallow in home birth tubs. “Despite what the perpetrators of the medical-industrial complex would like you to believe, women have been giving birth in rendered animal fat for millennia,” said Kennedy, who argued that beef tallow lubricates the birth canal while slathering the infant in all the triglycerides the newborn will need to stave off autism. “There’s nothing more beautiful or natural than a mother and her baby slip-sliding around a birthing pool filled with greasy, organic animal by-product. So-called medical professionals insist that babies should be born in water or, worse, a hospital, but pure beef tallow is the way to go. Sure, tallow will go rancid faster than seed oils, but that just encourages Mom to push harder.” Later in the day, Kennedy tweeted his congratulations to a woman in Missouri who went viral after giving birth in the grease trap behind a local Steak ’n Shake. 

The post RFK Jr. Advocates Using Beef Tallow In Home Birth Tubs appeared first on The Onion.

Mommy and Luke had such a fun time on their cruise that they decided to get married and Luke is going to live here with us! Isn’t that exciting?

The post Mommy and Mommy’s Friend Luke appeared first on The Onion.

With 112,408 fans attending his show Saturday at Michigan Stadium, country star Zach Bryan set a new national record for the largest ticketed concert crowd. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the artist. 

Hometown: You Don’t Want To Know The History Of This Place, Oklahoma

Instrument: Sleeveless guitar

Vocal Style: Dehydrated

Biggest Hit: “That Cloud Looks Like A Lady”

Fan Base: Hungover people driving to church

Reason He Joined Navy: Discounted phone plan

Plastic Surgery: Buccal fat addition

Culpability For Rapid Bleaching Of Great Barrier Reef: Minimal

Military Rank Achieved: Level 6 Bard

The post Artist Profile: Zach Bryan appeared first on The Onion.

The post Jane Goodall, Author Of ‘15 Amazing Monkey Facts For Kids,’ Dies At 91 appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Calling him “the best man for the job,” President Donald Trump reportedly asked JD Vance Thursday to research whether the president was allowed to kill the vice president. “I mean, Article II says he’s legally my property, right?” said Trump, who stated that the task was “absolutely critical” as he put both his hands on Vance’s shoulders and looked him squarely in the eye. “See if there’s anything in the Constitution about squeezing and squeezing until the light leaves his eyes. Should be fine if it’s an official act. Russell Vought says I can do it, but I just want to be sure. Though to be honest, I’m probably going to do it whether it’s legal or not.” At press time, sources reported that Vance was asking Trump if he would please let go of his neck.

The post Trump Asks JD Vance To Research Whether President Allowed To Kill Vice President appeared first on The Onion.

https://kingsheadtheatre.com/whats-on/blink-df19

It's catalactually a pretty cool idea.

Other stuff:
Technology Connections on Bluesky:
https://bsky.app/profile/techconnectify.bsky.social

Technology Connections on Mastodon:
https://mas.to/@TechConnectify

Have you ever noticed that I've never done that whole influencer thing? That's all thanks to people like you! Viewer support through Patreon keeps this channel independent and possible. If you'd like to join the amazing folks who fund my work, check out the link below. Thank you!
https://www.patreon.com/technologyconnections