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America's best rapping newsman is back: On last night's The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon debuted Brian Williams' pitch-perfect "cover" of Snoop Dogg's "Gin and Juice." It's even better than Williams' now classic rendition of "Rapper's Delight."

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The good people at Cinefix have created The Hobbit – 8 Bit Cinema (though they admit at the end it’s really 16 Bit). Enjoy.

A guy has taken the time to painstakingly analyze and rank all of the cuss words in popular rap albums from 1985-2013. The least we can do is to find out what he discovered.

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The biggest Magic: The Gathering tournament of the year featured more than 4,000 players and at least 15 exposed buttcracks.

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You'd think that after 25 years, the jam would surely have been pumped up by now. But apparently it hasn't, and some brave souls refuse to rest until the mission is complete.

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For the latest episode of Between Two Ferns, Zach Galifianakis interviewed President Obama. First question: "In 2013, you pardoned a turkey. What do you have planned for 2014?"

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Magic.

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(Image by Chris West)

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Alex Trebek is trending on Twitter tonight, and no, he's not dead. He's just making a fool out of himself on Jeopardy! while rapping song lyrics in the "It's A Rap" category. Listen and cringe and smile as he awkwardly performs Grandmaster Flash, Biggie, Beastie Boys, Dr. Dre, and Public Enemy.

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In Identifiable Images of Bystanders Extracted from Corneal Reflections, British psychology researchers Rob Jenkins and Christie Kerr show that recognizable images of the faces of unpictured bystanders can be captured from modern, high-resolution photography by zooming in on subjects' eyes to see the reflections in their corneas. The researchers asked experimental subjects to identify faces captured from these zoomed-in images and found that they were able to do so with a high degree of reliability.

The researchers used 39 megapixel cameras, substantially higher-rez than most people's phone-cameras, but low-cost cameras are making enormous leaps in resolution every day. What's more, the researchers suggest that the determining factor for identifying a face isn't resolution; it's having a viewer who is already familiar with the subject. It's an interesting wrinkle on the problem of information-leakage, and implies that future privacy-filters will have to scrub photos of reflective surfaces (especially eyes) of identifying faces before they're posted.

“In the context of criminal investigations, this could be used to piece together networks of associates, or to link individuals to particular locations. This may be especially important when for categories of crime in which perpetrators photograph their victims. Reflections in the victims eyes could reveal the identity of the photographer. “Also, around 40 million photographs per day are uploaded to Instagram alone, he pointed out. “Faces are among the most frequently photographed objects. Our study serves as a reminder to be careful what you upload. Eyes in the photographs could reveal where you were and who you were with.” Although Jenkins did the study with a high-resolution (39 megapixels) Hasselblad camera, face images retrieved from eye reflections need not be of high quality in order to be identifiable, he said. “Obtaining optimal viewers — those who are familiar with the faces concerned — may be more important than obtaining optimal images.” In addition, “in accordance with Hendy’s Law (a derivative of Moore’s Law), pixel count per dollar for digital cameras has been doubling approximately every twelve months. This trajectory implies that mobile phones could soon carry >39 megapixel cameras routinely.”

Reflected hidden faces in photographs revealed in pupil [Kurzweil AI]

Being a grown-ass adult and having hushed, fumbling sex in your childhood bedroom (or what's left of it after your parents turned it into an opium den with a sex swing and four different colors of lava lamp) beautifully encapsulates the holiday season, a time of year when a bunch of people with long histories of being terrible to each other get together and pretend as if nothing untoward is happening. But untoward stuff is happening all over the place, and the ancient cat still prowling around your parents house is watching all of it, making notes for a memoir entitled, "My People, or How I Became an Inveterate Carpet Vomiter."

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Samuel L. Jackson in sweats, "Toby" Maguire being told to keep his fucking mouth shut, Arcade Fire performing "Little Drummer Boy" like a whole bunch of weirdoes, terrible gifts, and a seemingly unending barrage of awkwardly inappropriate questions — what more could possibly ask for in a Christmas special?

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Imagine you're driving around in your mustachioed car when suddenly the phone rings and it's Conan and he's wondering if he, Ice Cube, and Kevin Hart can hitch a ride with you to go buy some weed and 40s.

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Back in 2009, when Paul Rudd and Jason Segel were promoting "I Love You Man," they gave a highlariously random interview to Rotten Tomatoes. Over the seven-minute interview, which is really more of an improv routine, Segel invents an imaginary friend named Gideon who "rides a unicorn" and "visits you in your dreams."

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There's only one person in the world capable of making the lyrics to R. Kelly's shag songs even sexier, and that's Benedict Cumberbatch.

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Suck My Dick New Yorker Caption Contest

I'm assuming this dude never saw Game of Thrones, because otherwise he probably wouldn't be challenging Dothraki warlord Jason Momoa to a game of slaps.

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We've all been there: You've had way too much apple. And poutine. And cheesestring. And pickle chips. And peanut butter and raisins. Ugh. And chocolate thingies. And more chocolate thingis. And gummies.

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"Our brother asked us to be his best men for his wedding." So begins the preface to the greatest wedding toast in nuptial history.

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Okay, this is the best beer belly any one of us could ever dream of having. A 61-year-old man found himself getting drunk without ever drinking alcohol because he had brewer's yeast in his gut. Basically, whenever he ate any carbs, the man's intestinal tract would start turning that into beer and make him drunk. He had a brewery in his belly.

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Doesn't matter that there's an indefinite moratorium on porn production in the US — there's still one place thirsty thespians can turn to for quality adult entertainment jobs: HBO.

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Sir Patrick Stewart confirmed over the weekend that he and his singer-songwriter girlfriend Sunny Ozell have indeed made it so (i.e. got married) by posting a short and sweet tweet featuring a photo of himself and Ozell sitting together in a ball pit.

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You know that thing where you're walking down the street or doing some other mundane chore while narrating your every move in that deep, silky LaFontaine-esque movie trailer voice?

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A special spirit day at Oral Roberts University took a tragicomical turn last week when a bald eagle released into the school's Christ Chapel by a professional handler crashed into a window just as students began chanting "USA! USA!"

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Like most of us, Lee Beaumont gets dozens of calls from telemarketers each month. Unlike most of us, he loves it.

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Myra Ellen Amos turns 50 today. Remember this song? Crazy, man. Anyway, happy birthday!

The post Tori Amos Is 50 appeared first on The Awl.