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04 Nov 13:32

Chapter 1: Ring of FIRE

by Sarah Ryhanen
Image by Holly Carlisle

If there's anyone would spend all their extra resources renovating a two hundred year old historic barn over the course of 3 long years, only to install a chandelier featuring 150 lit taper candles at it's christening -- it's us at saipua...

Our barn 2 years ago...the right half is the side we've restored and will be used for our new education initiative at Worlds End, the left half will be restored in the coming year to create a bunk house for visitors. 

At one point in the day, as we were directing apprentices to shove fall foliage into the ring of fire hanging in the barn, I paused and called over Amy, a woman who - whilst with child - rode the Mighty Anaconda with me at Zoom Flume water park. Amy reassured me (thats what friends are for, encouraging dangerous celebratory acts?) and the show went on.

[This reminded me of my favorite scene in ze film TOP GUN where Iceman and Maverick spat over the danger of a recent in-flight maneuver. It is relevant since all our ram lambs were named after fighter pilots from Top Gun. And is triply relevant since our ram lambs present homoerotic behaviors (as they arguably do in Top Gun) starting around the age of 6 weeks including but not limited to attempted mountings of each other around sunset.]

But let me back up and tell the whole story.

Photo by Heather Waraksa
We've always known that we were going to eat some of our lambs. This is part of flock maintenance (culling weak sheep or ram lambs that can't be bred back to their mothers or sisters) but it is also part of being a meat eater and having livestock. At some point months ago it occurred to me that we should use the first cull to celebrate all the things that have happened here on the farm in the four years since we've had it. And to celebrate the completion of one side of our massive barn; the side that will serve as the event space/activity center of the farm -- the hub for our education programming at Worlds End.

We would roast a whole lamb. And there was only one person I would entrust with this rather sensitive matter.



I met Samin in Oakland years ago on a coffee date with our now mutual friend Greta. It was Greta I was meeting and Samin tagged along and she was one of those people that hugs strangers, and I do not hug strangers. So there was that.

There's little and everything to be said for first impressions. In the years since, Samin has become one of my dearest friends. She has an acute sensitively that I rarely find in people. I treasure time I get to spend with her. She makes me feel like myself. Also, she is the best cook in the world. So there is that.

Samin came for a week and was here on the farm working on her book for most of the time. When Doug came to slaughter the rams a few days before the feast she was up in her room writing (she is working on a book called Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat which, upon it's release in 2017, will become the cooking bible of our time).

When it was over I called her out to talk to Doug - and in a language I did not fully understand, she directed him on how to butcher the three lambs; some for the feast and some for my freezer for winter. The day was loaded. I recall details of it now, weeks later, with the sharpest, detailed focus. I will - I am - writing more about what it is like to know the animals you eat. To know them so intimately. To be there when they are born, and, to be there when they die. I am not able to summize it right yet. I know that I am in a sort of awe, and that I hold the whole experience with an abundance of gratitude. Samin eased this process for me; she leant solemn honor to the age old act of raising the food you eat.








It took the saipua army one week to prepare the farm. Mark and Jennell, apprentices visiting from Belfast and Detroit led the efforts by carrying 60 tipi poles out to our farthest field to erect 'Tipi Village' a place where many people would stay, get drunk, sing like Karen Dalton around a campfire and thankfully NOT DROP ACID. (note to staff: everything gets back to me)





Outhouses were built. Benches and tables were constructed to seat 80 in the barn for dinner. Glasses and plates were purchased, civil war era three tine forks (a nod to the time periods of our barn!) were sourced on ebay. Napkins were dyed, streamer poles were placed, indian corn was nailed to a tree at the entrance to the farm as if to announce to visitors; you might be in the right place...




The day before the feast, Phoebe arrives from Vermont. We are thrown right into the truck together, driving up to pick up the lamb from Doug the butcher, who I keep referencing, and who I should also mention has a really weird sense of humor. We arrive at Doug's house. He brings out the butchered lamb and it seems unreal. He tells us how nice they are, how well finished (meaning there is lots of nice fat on them - which instills a sense of pride in me. All on grass. Our grass! The grass Eric painstakingly managed all summer by moving the sheep every three days. The grass that has, year by year improved with various cover crops, sheep manure and mowing. 


Back at the farm with the meat (the pelts and the heads) we back the pickup truck up to the house and use the tailgate to further prepare the meat. Samin is a salt fanatic, which is to say she KNOWS how to salt - a skill that many people overlook, or fail to consider the importance of. We pick up the meat early in order to salt it and let it sit with salt overnight. Samin and Phoebe do this work by headlamp, the dogs braced with excitement, wild eyed under their feet. They give me some bones to take down to the maremmas. Someone asks if that's weird; to feed sheep to the sheep protecting dogs. It's not weird. I walk the bones out to Pucci first in the lower fields with the rams and then up to Blondie in the upper field with the ewes.  

[There is a point in the film Sweetgrass (a documentary about the last real American cowboys who drive sheep 150 miles up into the mountains of Montana for summer pasture) where a sheep is killed by a coyote. The maremma dogs - who live with the sheep to protect them - devour the dead sheep. The film explains that the dogs would never kill a sheep, but if something else kills it they'll eat it because they are starving, and because they are dogs. I find this so extraordinary.]

Photo by Holly Carlisle
The next morning the fires start around 7:30 am. We borrow an Asado from Kinderhook farm, a crucifix-like contraption used to roast a whole lamb. One lamb is not enough so Samin and Phoebe cook legs and shoulders in various ways. It is like a lamb divining. The fire circle contained three distinct fires for different purposes; and these women commanded the circle for 14 hours making magic. They become smoke sisters. 



Our kitchen garden, a few steps away, is pillaged for brussels sprout, kale, tomatoes, and carrots.
Samin and Phoebe are like magicians roasting pumpkins in the coals, cooking lamb three ways (why not?)… a green tomato chermoula results from the pit that could move heaven and earth. There comes into being a black tahini sauce that marries a pumpkin puree in a ceremony attended by christmas lima beans and homemade harrissa. Samin is a flavor oracle. 


We decorate. The ring of fire, as first mentioned in this post is constructed. Tables are set sparingly (what do the florists do for their own party flowers? ah ha, NONE!). A playlist is constructed with speed and maximum efficiency in the 11th hour up in my office over coffees, lacroix and chocolate by SoundsDisatrous (Deanna) herself.

Photo by Holly Carlisle.



Holly Carlisle arrives and lends her epic calm and even keel to what is starting to feel like a snowball rolling down a hill. We steel away to the bathroom where she does my makeup (certainly a first on the farm) and are greeted by a harem of saipua ladies and their secrets. Outside cooking continues and guests are arriving and people are heading to archery, Eric's usual solitary evening meditation now joined by a gaggle of novices. Arrows fly all over and he seems really happy.

Photo by Holly Carlisle
Photos by Heather Waraksa

Photos by Heather Waraksa
Photo by Holly Carlisle
 At a certain hour our little elves steel away to light the ring and the barn doors are swung open to reveal our new (old) barn...the first chapter in the Worlds End story book.




After dinner when people start meandering out to the fire the soundtrack Deanna and I built takes a turn towards disco, and the ring catches fire. The disco ball drops as if on on cue. I have a moment, pouring wine from an double magnum bottle brought by my friend Sarah who knows me too well, where I think; this is saipua. This is what we've worked so hard to attain in the last 10 years; the strongest community of people in one place celebrating what can be possible - the best parts of being human and the fullest expression of hard work. 

Thank you so much to everyone who traveled to share this really special night with us -- thank you to Samin, what would I do without you? and to Phoebe for her energy and butchering skills. To my parents for all their help along the way and for buying fire extinguishers at the last minute. Thank you to all our friends and family who came from farm away (it is called Worlds End..) and were put to work upon arrival. In the next chapter I won't have you all hustling so hard, I promise. 




There has been so much momentum for us this year at saipua and at the farm. We are on the verge of some really amazing things and it's thanks to all of you in your various orbits around us.
If I could have had all of you there, I would have.
Someday I will, in one way or another. 

Until then, I might encourage you to live a bit dangerously. Because it's in those fiery, runaway sort of moments where the really interesting stuff of life happens.




22 Oct 14:10

What This Artist Has Done With Landscape Photography Is Absolutely Testicles

by Jay Hathaway on Weird Internet, shared by Jay Hathaway to Gawker
darby

Nutscapes!

For months, one diligent artist has toiled to make and curate a majestic collection of landscape photographs, unlike anything you’ve seen before. Were these merely pretty landscapes, Clancy Philbrick would be just another world traveler with an aspirational Instagram account, but they’re not: they’re Nutscapes. And there’s a big, hairy nutsack in each one. Which means he’s also a genius.

Read more...










05 Aug 19:46

What’s across the ocean from you when you’re at the beach...

05 Aug 19:42

Miniature calendar, Tatsuya Tanaka


tatsuya tanaka


tatsuya tanaka


tatsuya tanaka


tatsuya tanaka


tatsuya tanaka


tatsuya tanaka


tatsuya tanaka

Miniature calendar, Tatsuya Tanaka

24 Jul 14:12

Shitty Beer Is the Best Beer, and Miller High Life Is Best of All

by Madeleine Davies on Jezebel, shared by Leah Beckmann to Gawker

It’s the end of the day and I’m craving a brewskie. IPA? More like I.P.-NO WAY. Brooklyn Lager? Throw it in the garbage bag-ger. That’s right, baby. Mama wants to live the High Life.

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15 Jun 17:37

Cool Guy Does Cool Thing

by Brendan O'Connor

This is, apparently, David Achter de Molen, the lead singer of a band called John Coffey, at something called Pinkpop Festival 2015, in Holland, catching a thrown cup of beer while walking across the crowd.

Read more...








15 Jun 17:36

Beach Goers Demonstrate Only Wrong Way to Throw a Frisbee

by Hudson Hongo

There are many correct ways to throw the toy flying disc commonly known as the Frisbee. Backhand, for instance, is a popular and acceptable method, as is the hammer throw. There is, in fact, only one objectively improper Frisbee-throwing technique. This one:

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24 Apr 01:18

Hip hop, Google Street views

10 Feb 20:14

Children’s books for 20 somethings

20 Dec 12:09

Unnecessarily Risky Jenga Move Finally Pays Off for Once

by Jay Hathaway

In Jenga, as in life, there are no rewards without risks. There were easy pickings at the top of the tower, but our hero wasn't content with winning the game according to the boring rules or the fusty old laws of physics.

Read more...








15 Nov 01:20

Play Warner Bros. free Hobbit game: “Orc Attack”

by Demosthenes

This is pretty fun! Choose from Bard, Tauriel or Legolas, then go hunting orcs and wargs with your bow and arrow. You’ve got to be accurate though — you have only a limited number of arrows to take down your opponents. And they shoot back (the wargs will bite at you), so you have to be quick!

Just click the image below to give it a whirl. Thanks to Ringer Tajik for the heads-up.

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14 Nov 21:18

Look at Kim Kardashian's Hot Ass Diarrhea

by Jay Hathaway
darby

I imagine this is what happens after enjoying an ice cold Dewito.

Well, it looks like Kim Kardashian's nude photos broke the internet after all.

Read more...








10 Nov 17:15

Pepsi Tests Doritos-Flavored Mountain Dew on Innocent Public

by Hudson Hongo
darby

ugh.

Pepsi Tests Doritos-Flavored Mountain Dew on Innocent Public

What looks like Mountain Dew, tastes like Doritos, and sounds just awful? If you guessed "Dewitos," a new soft drink concocted by the food criminals at Pepsi, congratulations, you're qualified to be an executive at America's largest food and beverage company.

Read more...








03 Nov 21:55

Genius Surfs Dead Whale, Gets Stranded When Sharks Appear All Around Him

by Dayna Evans

Genius Surfs Dead Whale, Gets Stranded When Sharks Appear All Around Him

On Saturday afternoon, a man in Western Australia decided to board the carcass of a dead whale that had been floating in the water for several weeks, "surfing" it for fun—until he noticed that the waters all around him were spotted with hungry sharks.

Read more...








28 Oct 15:47

Office Party Stock Footage Makes For the Perfect Music Video

by Gabrielle Bluestone

The world of stock images is a weird and vast one, so it's not even surprising that this B roll stock footage of office workers taking each other's temperature with stethoscopes and dancing around a conference room exists.

Read more...








23 Oct 12:56

Hanksy

16 Oct 18:05

These J.Crew Models Are All Wasted

by Sam Biddle

These J.Crew Models Are All Wasted

We all like J.Crew's mix of preppy-yet-accessible, casually chic, well-fitting, affordable, and "very cool" clothing, but did you realize we're financing the substance abuse of these models? Today's best new Tumblr, Drunk J.Crew, exposes the lushes of Ginghamville.

Read more...








03 Oct 19:18

Mexican Drug-War Vigilantes' Homemade Mad Max Vehicles Are Pretty Boss

by Adam Weinstein on Fortress America, shared by Lacey Donohue to Gawker

Mexican Drug-War Vigilantes' Homemade Mad Max Vehicles Are Pretty Boss

The thing about the violent drug-cartel competition in Mexico is that it's not just cops and criminals. In much of the country, self-deputized locals have taken the fight to the drug lords. And to do it, they've DIY'd some insane welded-armor onto their fleet trucks.

Read more...








30 Sep 12:59

Racist Woman's Drunken Airline Meltdown Immortalized in Live-Tweeting

by Gabrielle Bluestone

Racist Woman's Drunken Airline Meltdown Immortalized in Live-Tweeting

Flying these days can be a very dicey affair—you never know who you're going to get stuck with on a long flight and the person seated in front of you could end up being anyone—a no-good recliner , or worse, a very, very drunk lady .

Read more...








16 Sep 13:03

These Women's Cycling Team Uniforms Don't Exactly Photograph Well

by Gabrielle Bluestone

These Women's Cycling Team Uniforms Don't Exactly Photograph Well

An unfortunately placed gold panel captured the imaginations of thousands of cycling enthusiasts this weekend when the Colombian women's team debuted their new team uniforms.

Read more...








06 Aug 17:40

Read the Definitive Review of Two Farts That Happened During Boyhood

by Jay Hathaway

Read the Definitive Review of Two Farts That Happened During Boyhood

Richard Linklater's Boyhood was filmed over the course of 11 years and, by all accounts, is completely worth the wait . Also worth the wait: One theatergoer's farts, released with incredible comic timing at a screening of Linklater's masterpiece.

Read more...








01 Aug 12:41

Every Samuel L. Jackson "Motherfucker" in One Motherfucking Supercut

by Jay Hathaway

Rarely have one man and one expletive been as synonymous as Samuel L. Jackson and "motherfucker." Jackson has said the word onscreen 171 times, according to Huffington Post motherfuckerologists Oliver Noble and Ben Craw, who also produced the above supercut of Jackson cementing his personal brand.

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29 Jul 18:38

Pepsi Blazing New Frontiers in Nasty Soda Combinations

by Hamilton Nolan

Pepsi Blazing New Frontiers in Nasty Soda Combinations

With the exception of Diet Mtn Dew , most of the so-called beverages produced by the Pepsi Corporation are little more than bubbly carcinogens that aren't even fun, like smoking. Now, the Pepsi Corporation is offering you more nasty soda flavors than ever before.

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29 Jul 18:36

Watch DMX Lose His Mind on a Florida Amusement Park Ride

by Taylor Berman

There's not much to say about this TMZ video other than the basics: It shows a terrified DMX screaming—"THIS IS SCARY SHIT. WHAT? WHAT????!!!"—as an amusement park ride called the Sling Shot shoots him 390 feet into the air.

Read more...








01 Jul 13:21

This Is What Boyz II Men Has Been Reduced To

by Hamilton Nolan
darby

Oh, man. Time to dust off the 8 ball jackets, Sudden Impact!

This Is What Boyz II Men Has Been Reduced To

Boyz II Men: one of the most beloved R&B groups of our youth, whose songs provided the soundtrack to the vast majority of the slow dances, graduations, and funerals of the 1990s. What are those guys up to now?

Read more...








16 Jun 18:11

Guy Replaces Britney Spears With Himself in the "Work Bitch" Video

by Jay Hathaway

Britney Spears superfan Gal Volinez replaced Brit-Brit with himself in the music video for "Work Bitch," and you'll barely even notice the difference.

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02 Jun 15:37

John Oliver Explains Everything You Need to Know About Net Neutrality

by Jay Hathaway

Net neutrality sounds boring, but it's the only thing standing between us and an internet where cable companies dictate which content goes in the "fast lane" (their own) and which will be delivered very, very slowly (Netflix). On the latest Last Week Tonight, John Oliver broke down all the ways major cable companies intend to fuck you, the consumer.

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20 May 16:35

Dr. Seuss meets Ludacris, Chelsea Davison


Chelsea Davison


Chelsea Davison


Chelsea Davison


Chelsea Davison

Dr. Seuss meets Ludacris, Chelsea Davison

20 May 15:03

Patton Oswalt's Wife: Dungeons & Dragons Is Creepier Than Strip Clubs

by Aleksander Chan

Patton Oswalt's Wife: Dungeons & Dragons Is Creepier Than Strip Clubs

Appearing on the Pete Holmes Show last night, King of Queens' absurdly most-famous alum, Patton Oswalt, regaled to Holmes how his wife is not a fan of Dungeons & Dragons and him playing it. Upon learning that he had assembled a few other comedy nerdlings for a D&D group, his wife told him what's up:

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19 May 14:51

This Kid's Move With a Foul Ball Was Even Smoother Than It Looked

by Jay Hathaway

A 10-year-old who caught a foul ball at Friday's game between Toronto and Texas looked great in front of the cameras when he offered it to the attractive 20-something ladies sitting behind him. Smooth, little Casanova. Very smooth.

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