Just when I think Robin Thicke can’t get any douchier, he outdoes himself. 2014 has been a total disaster for Robin. He should be curled up in a fetal position. No one bought his stalky album. Paula Patton ditched him and triumphantly moved forth with her life. Aaand (this is my favorite part) everyone laughed at Robin’s unintentionally hilarious acting debut in Making the Rules. The movie went straight to VOD. If you watch these lowlight-highlights, you’ll see why. He is a terrible actor and full of awkward silences.

Maybe 2015 will be a better trip for Thicke? Ha. He certainly won’t be working with Pharrell again. Thicke, Pharrell, and T.I. initially filed suit to protect themselves after people noticed “Blurred Lines” ripped off Marvin Gaye’s “Got to Give It Up.” Marvin Gaye’s family countersued. Gaye’s family filed for summary motion last week, and Robin’s bizarre deposition has been made public. Robin initially told several outlets that he co-wrote the song with Pharrell. Robin once told the BBC he wrote it for Paula because “She’s my good girl.” Robin once confessed to GQ magazine that and Pharrell purposely fashioned the song after Gaye’s classic.

Robin’s changing his story. Robin says he had nothing to do with writing “Blurred Lines.” He only said that junk because he was high on Vicodin, yo. Hollywood Reporter has a detailed analysis of the depo (you can see the full article here here). Some highlights:

[Thicke] says under oath that after writing and producing six albums himself, “I was jealous and I wanted some of the credit … I tried to take credit for it later because [Williams] wrote the whole thing pretty much by himself and I was envious of that.”

In his deposition, Thicke soon gets more specific:

“Q: Were you present during the creation of ‘Blurred Lines’?

Thicke: I was present. Obviously, I sang it. I had to be there.

Q: When the rhythm track was being created, were you there with Pharrell?

Thicke: To be honest, that’s the only part where — I was high on Vicodin and alcohol when I showed up at the studio. So my recollection is when we made the song, I thought I wanted — I — I wanted to be more involved than I actually was by the time, nine months later, it became a huge hit and I wanted credit. So I started kind of convincing myself that I was a little more part of it than I was and I — because I didn’t want him — I wanted some credit for this big hit. But the reality is, is that Pharrell had the beat and he wrote almost every single part of the song.”

Thicke says he was just “lucky enough to be in the room” when Williams wrote the song. Afterward, he gave interviews to outlets like Billboard where he repeated the false origin story surrounding “Blurred Lines” because he says he “thought it would help sell records.” But he also states he hardly remembers his specific media comments because he “had a drug and alcohol problem for the year” and “didn’t do a sober interview.” In fact, when he appeared on Oprah Winfrey’s show with his young son and talked about how weird it was to be in the midst of a legal battle with the family of a legendary soul singer who “inspires almost half of my music,” Thicke admits he was drunk and taking Norco — “which is like two Vicodin in one pill,” he says.

The singer addresses his honesty (“I told my wife the truth. That’s why she left me.”) and after saying he’s been sober for many months, clarifies toward the end of the deposition that he’s given up Vicodin but not alcohol.

[From Hollwyood Reporter]

For whatever reason, Pharrell let Robin have a co-writer credit, so Thicke gets about 18-22 percent of the song’s royalties. Robin gladly took that money, and he enjoyed the “prestige” of writing a douchey song with a clever beat. Now Robin wants none of the credit but only because of the lawsuit. Of course. Oh, and Robin says Paula left him because he lied about writing “Blurred Lines.” Not because he was hitting it with other chicks. Mega douche.

This pic illustrates how I imagine Pharrell reacting to this mess.

Photos courtesy of WENN

Quinceañera (n): The traditional coming-of-age celebration for a 15-year-old Latina. Chambelan (n): Usher aka the worst job in the world.

After weeks of dance rehearsals, the Quinceañera's big day has arrived. Your job as a chambelan is to put on a big smile, look handsome and not fuck it up.

Universal

1. It's 6:00 a.m. on a Saturday. Why did I agree to be part of this?
2. Can I just go sleep until it's time to go to church?
3. I don't want to do this.
4. Seriously, I don't want to do this! I just want to go to sleep.
5. Fine, I'll wake up!
6. Five more minutes...
7. Ten more minutes...
8. *phone call from Quinceañera's family saying they're waiting for you outside.
9. OH SHIT!

Trying on your chambelan outfit, chosen specifically by the Quinceañera. You have no say in the matter.

myquincenew.blogspot.com

10. This is the most uncomfortable outfit in the world.
11. Wait, pants are supposed to go around your belly button? That's new to me.
12. I feel like a robot.
13. I can't move very well in this.
14. Why can't I wear regular street clothes?
15. These shoes are one size too small.
16. My crotch feels weird.
17. I don't know how to put on a tie.
18. Why did I agree to do this?

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