Mikkele.bringard

Chen Guangbiao is one of the 400 richest men in China, and the sole owner of the world’s most impressive business card. In fact, his business card-worthy achievements are so great, that they can barely be contained on a business card. Not only is he the “Most Well-known and Beloved Chinese Role Model” and a “China Earthquake Rescue Hero,” he’s also, “China’s Foremost Environmental Preservation Demolition Expert” (a title so paradoxical, it barely seems possible) and about ten other things you or I will never be. If only it folded out into an oversized embossed brochure, Mr. Guangbiao could very well become one of the most powerful people in the world ...

In preparation for Jimmy Fallon’s takeover of The Tonight Show on Feb. 7, NBC has released this brief teaser that looks back at all of the former hosts of the legendary late night show, which first debuted back in 1954. Even Conan—who lasted just 7 months behind the desk—gets a shout out. Awkward ...

The People's Choice Awards are one of the great mysteries of the modern age. What are they? Who watches them? Do they hold any real power? People like Justin Timberlake and Sandra Bullock show up, so they must have some sort of clout (but they were hosted by the Two Broke Girls, so maybe they don't?). And, above all, who comes up with these categories? "On-screen Chemistry?" "TV Gal Pals?" "TV Anti-Hero?" Is this supposed to be a parody of other award shows? If so, why isn't it funny? So many questions. In any case, it happened last night, and congratulations to all the "winners." Comedic Actor of the Year: Adam Sandler (sure.) Pop Artist: Britney Spears (why not.) Humanitarian: Jennifer Hudson (sounds right.) Alternative Band: Fallout Boy (???). Enjoy your People's Choice Awards, gang ...

A day we’ve all feared is now upon us. Kraft Foods has ominously warned that because of a “combination of factors,” America could soon be facing a critical shortage of Velveeta cheese. And with the Super Bowl—the apex of our collective nacho-consumption—just around the corner, cheese-loving consumers are faced with a perfect storm of Velveeta panic. Though it is unclear how many regions are affected by the shortage, riots, mass demonstrations and martial law now appear to be eminent. In a futile effort to quell public outrage, Kraft spokesperson Jody Moore told NBC News, "This is really a short-term issue that’s more noticeable right now given the increased seasonal demand. This is really something that would likely have gone unnoticed at any other time of year." Her callous words have done nothing but further fuel a combination of rage and fear that threatens to unravel the delicate fabric of social order ...

Watch this new commercial from Sochi Winter Olympics sponsor Proctor & Gamble, and then call your mom and let her know how awesome she is ...

12-year-old Justin probably didn't expect much when he took a sign to a Jay Z concert that said "Can I Rap For You?" but, well, dreams do come true. Jay invited the little dude on stage to show off what he had. After taking a few moments to calm his nerves, the kid spits Jay's verse on "Clique" (Jay Z interrupts early on to tell him to keep it clean, which is pretty cool) and Justin just owns it. Then, since he figured he was on a roll, Justin asks Jay Z if he can go hang out with him backstage. "Yes," Jay Z laughs. "Just because of the nerve" ...

Here’s a beautiful cover of John Lennon’s classic song “Love” from Beck. The tune is part of an upcoming compilation of romantic covers being assembled by Starbucks for Valentine’s Day called Sweetheart 14. The album, which will be available at your neighborhood coffee shop on Feb. 14, will also feature songs from Vampire Weekend, Ben Harper, Fiona Apple, Phosphorescent, My Morning Jacket’s Jim James and more ...

Evidently Siri does not like being asked about Her, the new Joaquin Phoenix movie about a man who falls in love with an artificially intelligent operating system, so just don’t ask her about it, OK? ...

Sources are saying American Idol winner and Sonic the Hedgehog impersonator Clay Aiken is considering a congressional run in his home state of North Carolina. What do you say, America? Ready for Congressman Aiken? ...

At first glance, this article comes down pretty harsh on the Church. After all, it's titled Local Church Full Of Brainwashed Idiots Feeds Town’s Poor Every Week. From the short article: “Sources confirmed today that the brainwashed morons at First Baptist Assembly of Christ, all of whom blindly accept whatever simplistic fairy tales are fed to them, volunteer each Wednesday night to provide meals to impoverished members of the community.” However, a little further reflection shows that, as usual, The Onion is coming at its readers from an unexpected angle, and taking a very well-worn and tired critique of Christianity to task. Well played, Onion ...

There have been a few hoaxes from people pretending to be Will Smith, but the real Fresh Prince has finally typed up his actual tribute to James Avery, who sadly passed away last week. As you doubtless know, James Avery played "Uncle Phil," Will Smith's long-suffering but ultimately loving father figure in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. It's short, genuine and it's about all that needs to be said.

Some of my greatest lessons in Acting, Living and being a respectable human being came through James Avery. Every young man needs an Uncle Phil. Rest in Peace

The post included the photo below—taken in 2011—which appears to be the last time the two were together ...

For most people, Jan. 1 simply meant that 2013 officially came to an end. But for one woman in Seattle, it meant for the first time in a year, she would be eating something other than food from Starbucks. Beautiful Existence (that is her awesome real name), ate nothing but meals from Starbucks everyday for an entire year because, she told the Daily Mail, “I am fearless and wanted to explore new things in my life." In case you’re wondering, eating nothing but Starbucks will set you back about $500 a month. Now that the Starbucks challenge is over (which, honestly, considering Starbucks serves some pretty decent fresh meals and delicious pastries, doesn’t really sound that bad), Existence has a new goal for 2014. As an employee of a recreational equipment company, she has decided to learn every known recreational sport over the course of the next year. Best of luck on your latest challenge, Beautiful; may everyday of 2014 be like an elementary school gym class ...

It's happening! Ken Ham, founder of Kentucky's Creation Museum and Bill Nye, noted science guy, are going to be squaring off in a debate on Ham's home turf in February. It'll be a battle for the ages, as the two noted brainiacs take on the question: "Is Creation a viable model of origins?" An in-depth questions for in-depth men. Ham is a noted (and somewhat controversial) creationist who's penned many books on the subject. And Nye, well, you know who Nye is. He's made a name for himself of late as a staunch humanist who's no stranger to controversy himself, so it's sure to be an Ali vs. Frasier, two men enter-one man leaves, royal rumble showdown the likes the world hasn't witnessed since the release of Jordan vs. Bird. Until then, we've got more questions than answers. Will Bill Nye wear a bow-tie? Will Ken Ham zoom in on a zip line? Only a few weeks till we know for sure ...

Cancel whatever plans you may have for this evening, and immediately begin making your way to New York City. The New Year’s Eve evening of a lifetime is now just a mere $375 away. Two of the Big Apple’s finest Applebee’s locations are selling tickets to experience a real New York New Years in the most exclusive dining locales in Manhattan: Applebee’s neighborhood bar and grill. There will be live DJs, “party favors,” a dance floor and all the chef’s salad you can eat! Unless you are already an Upper Eastside socialite, Hollywood celebrity or Jay Z-protégé, you probably haven’t heard of these “Applebee’s” nightlife bistros. Typically reserved for the world of global tastemakers and the fashion industry elite, the super-exclusive home to entrees like the Bourbon Black & Bleu Burger and the Chicken Fajita Rollup, is essentially offering us commoners the chance to peer into the secret world of the privileged for one night only. It’s time to party like it’s 1999—Applebee’s style ...

Scientists in Australia have figured out a new way to prevent shark attacks at local beaches—by signing the sharks up for Twitter. They’ve tagged more than 320 of the ocean predators with specially designed transmitters that will update the local feed of a group called Surf Life when one of the sharks approaches shore. Surfers and beach goers who follow the shark feed can get real time updates about the number of jaws in the water at any given time. This is good and all, but what happens when they learn to use our own technology against us? Then what, scientists? Then what? ...

If your cat didn’t receive this Super Mario Bros.-themed climber for Christmas, it’s not too late to rectify the situation. Sure, you can purchase one on Etsy, pre-made. Or, you could get crafty and make one yourself with this easy-to-follow guide from a handy Redditor ...

It’s never too late to make a few New Year’s resolutions. So even though it’s Jan. 2, this list of resolutions written by American songwriting icon Woody Guthrie way back in 1943 can still inspire some last-minute additions to your 2014 commitments. Sure, a couple of the Dust Bowl-era hygiene entries may no longer be relevant (we assume you already “take bath,” “change socks” and “wash teeth if any”), but the rest range from practical (“read lots good books,” “drink very scant if any,” “work by a schedule”) and inspiring (“dream good,” “stay glad,” love everybody,” “learn people better”) to downright epic: “Wake up and fight” ...

Safiyyah Nawaz is a teenager with Twitter, because what is a teenager without Twitter these days. Unlike a lot of tweeters though, Nawaz is actually pretty good at it. She sent out a simple, pretty funny joke on New Year's about how the earth is now 2014 years old and, oh boy, the Internet did not like it. In the ensuing thousands of replies, she received sexist, racist, bigoted cries for her to kill herself, because this is the Internet's world and we're just living in it. Fortunately, Nawaz handled it spectacularly, poking gentle fun at her attackers, using her new platform for good and, finally, sticking the landing. Congratulations on being awesome, Safiyyah. Sorry the Internet isn't good enough for you ...

Researchers in Israel believe that they have identified a mysterious shade of blue described in the Bible, but previously unknown to scholars. A researcher at Israel's Antiquities Authority said that while examining a piece of fabric first discovered in the 1950s, she noticed a blue dye was used along the edge. In Numbers 15:38, the Israelites are commanded to “make tassels on the corners of your garments, with a blue cord on each tassel.” Until the new findings, the blue described in the verse, which the researchers believe was created from a dye made from snails, had been lost to history ...

It looks like we haven’t seen the last of Harry Potter. Bestselling author J.K. Rowling has announced that she is producing a stage production that will "explore the previously untold story of Harry's early years as an orphan and outcast." Though she’s not penning the script herself, Rowling will work closely with the writer, in the hopes of having the play ready to première by 2017 ...

The hamburger-scented White Castle Candle is back, just in time for the holidays. Finally, your home can smell like the lobby of a cheap fast food restaurant with the simple strike of a match. And, there’s another incentive to buy the $15 novelty candle for yourself or for the ultimate prize in a last-minute White Elephant gift exchange: 100% of the proceeds benefit the organization Autism Speaks ...

For the fifth straight year, the word “whatever” has been named the most annoying word in the English language by Marist College Institute for Public Opinion’s survey. Nearly 40% of those polled said that the casually indecisive term was even more annoying than “Like” (which ranked as the second most annoying word). “You know,” “just sayin” and “obviously” rounded out the top five terms of annoyance. We were really hoping that people saying “literally” non-literally would have cracked the top five, but, whatever, maybe next year ...