Daniel Whitehill

For those of you who don’t know or forgot, the “newspaper” is sort of like the Internet except it’s on paper, they don’t have GIFs and if you write a comment like, “N1 CURRz, NEXT,” under an article, only you can see that comment. I know, fuck newspapers. But evidently, people still use them for stuff including announcing that they’re getting married.

Tom Daley is 21 years old, so I’m shocked that he knows what a newspaper is. But he does and he used The Times to announce that he’s marrying his 41-year-old man of 2 years, Oscar-winning screenwriter Dustin Lance Black. This is their old-fashioned and classy announcement which showed up in this morning’s Times:

I really hope announcing your engagement in a newspaper doesn’t become a thing, because I really, really love it when a couple announces their engagement in an annoying YouTube video.

Tom’s mom Debbie Daley also talked about her son’s engagement with the Plymouth Herald and she says they’re not going to get married until after the Olympics:

“The whole family is extremely excited and looking forward to the big day. They are going to wait until after the Olympic Games in Rio before they decide on the date of the wedding and where they want to marry. At the moment he is training in Stratford and focusing on competitions to prepare for Rio at the start of August. Training has always come first for him. Once Rio is out of the way, they will properly plan the wedding.”

Tom and DLB started dating when Tom was 19 years old. DLB is Tom’s first boyfriend ever. Tom must be one of those “old souls” people talk about and DLB must be one of those “young souls,” so they balance each other out. I could never date someone 20 years younger than me, because 1. It’d be highly illegal and; 2. I’m already an immature wreck and 2 immature wrecks in a relationship do not make a right. I also couldn’t imagine getting married at 21, because when I was 21, the only thing I wanted to get engaged to was a new dick every night. I wanted to put a ring on it alright and by “ring” I mean “butt ring” and by “it” I mean a new peen. Okay, I’ll stop before I really ruin this happy news. Anyway, congrats! And here’s the future Mr. and Mr. Daley-Black at the annual Pride of Britain Awards in London a few nights ago.

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Pics: Wenn.com

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1MM suspects there are going to be a lot of shocked moms and dads when they discover that the family-friendly Muppets of the 1970s are no more. It appears that no subject is off limits. ABC’s new Muppet Show, airing on Tuesday evenings at 8:00 pm ET/7:00 pm CT, is not what Jim Henson imagined and created. The new show is aimed at a mature, modern audience and addresses subjects not suitable for family viewing.

“It’s sort of an adult Muppet show,” Kermit the Frog said during a promotional video for the show. One ad read, “Finally, a network TV show with full frontal nudity.” Technically, the advertisement is correct – seeing how Kermit doesn’t wear pants.

The mature version of “The Muppets” will cover a range of topics from sex to drugs. Miss Piggy came out as a pro-choice feminist during an MSNBC interview. The puppet characters loved by kids in the 1970s and 1980s and beyond are now weighing in on abortion and promiscuity.

ABC hopes children watch the show and predict they would enjoy some of the humor, but 1MM would disagree. It is not the show it once was. ABC has ruined “The Muppets.” How many parents want to explain the punchline of sexually charged jokes to young children?

Many parents unknowingly will let their children watch an episode only to find out its perverted nature too late, unless they are alerted ahead of time. 1MM and others need to get the word out to families to avoid this program at all costs. Please forward this to everyone you know!

Meanwhile, parents will have to explain to confused children that the program they once were allowed to watch is no longer a nice show. This would have been completely unnecessary if ABC had made the program follow its original family-friendly design.

Take Action

Please use the information we have provided to contact ABC (owned by Disney) and strongly encourage the network to drop all plans to air the program.

Do kids and tweens of today even care about the Muppets? I was under the impression that the new Muppets show was mostly for us oldies who watched them as kids? I bet many of the kids of those One Million Moms didn’t even want to watch it. They were too busy huffing freon from the air conditioning unit in the backyard before looking up ISIS beheading videos on the iPhone they stole from a woman’s purse on the bus. 

Pic: ABC

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