Kate

Panta Claus Holiday pants. Made me laugh. #daymade

(Thank you Jen)

kfan:

ihatekitkats:

TRUTH.

reblogging for the pain of life that sarah brown & I share

Someday our grandchildren will laugh that this was a predicament with seemingly NO SOLUTION.

$30

Coming soon to How Was Your Week: an actual goddess.

"A wish sandwich.  Two pieces of bread and you *wish* you had some meat."

Imagine you text your friend and a few minutes later you get a response, via text, but a handwritten response. Yup, that’s the incredibly poetic project called Modern Day Snail Mail by Cristina Vanko.

jonpernisek:

Julie and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

- Episode 132 of the How Was Your Week?

I rediscovered Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, so that’s something. How come that Clay Aiken photograph isn’t a meme, like the way that you see, you know, Grumpy Cat or … wasn’t there that disapproving Asian father? That wasn’t racist. But why don’t I see that photo of Clay Aiken in his coat of many colors constantly, why hasn’t that taken over the Internet? That makes me feel like the Internet is a hetero … gene — no, that’s not the right word. Homophobic, I’ll just call the Internet homophobic.

(sighs) Clay Aiken will do justice to that role, I feel, because if you don’t know the story of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, it goes like this: The Narrator comes out, she’s one of like two female roles. The other’s Potiphar’s wife and she’s a slut. Oh, I slut-shamed Potiphar’s wife within five minutes of my monologue.

The Narrator comes in and she talks about how some people have bigger ambitions than others and some people have intentions to be more on this Earth than the schlubs who will mouth breathe on their crossword puzzles when you’re just trying to get to 34th street … without having their long hair brush against your bare skin. That is the thing I’m looking forward to most in Fall, is being on the subway and not feeling someone’s hair brush against my skin just because I happen to be sitting or standing next to them. There’s literally nothing worse.

Anyway, the Narrator — who I played in camp … then there was a British counselor that kept telling me to wear a waistcoat and I was like, “What are you talking about? What’s my costume?” She goes “Get a waistcoat, get a waistcoat.” I found out that she was talking about a vest, which I found because it was 1989, everything worked out great.

Anyway, the Narrator, who’s really the main character, I mean, you wanna be the Narrator, sets up the story about Jacob, whose wife died and had a lot of sons and he very blatantly favored one, which was a recipe for resentment. And the one he favored reminded him of his wife … which is not explored. Tim Rice — I almost said Tim Rice was many things, but he really wasn’t, he was just a lyricist … until Andrew Lloyd Weber was having no more of him. And for good reason, because Tim Rice is not a good lyricist. He’s just not. I’m not gonna qualify that, I’m not going to apologize for it. It’s just a fact. There are worse things to be … but not many.

(sighs) What was I up to in the story? The father bought a colored coat for Joseph because he liked him best and then at this point in the show Clay Aiken will spin around. He will just never stop spinning around … to show off the coat. And I also think it’s weird — and not just because I’m Dolly Parton-centric — but I think it’s weird that Jacob bought the coast instead of made it.

Now, where are we up to? Joseph has a coat, he’s being kind of a cock about it. He talks about how great he looks in it. I don’t remember how he’s a cock about it but he’s a cock about it. And then the brothers decide to … kill him? They get mad. One of the lyrics has to do with like “getting our goat” and then there is a goat and they kill the goat. I think at one point they’re like “We’re gonna kill him” and then they said “no” or maybe Benjamin said “no”?

Benjamin’s the youngest. Benjamin was the second favorite. In the Bible it was perfectly okay to rank your children. Different parenting ideas, although as I say that, count down to the next fucking blog to book deal of some asshole in Brooklyn saying “Wouldn’t it be fun if I raised my children for a year in the way that they do in Biblical times?” Just … how ‘bout you play Russian Roulette instead? And let me pack the chambers, wink-wink, she says with a fistful of bullets.

So the brothers have a change of heart or Benjamin convinces them otherwise and they decide to kill a goat. And the Narrator, who as I mentioned is really the star of the show, has a line where she says “The wretched beast” or “The wretched creature” … whatever is dead and then they spill the blood on the — by the way, there’s a lot, in Jewish — and this is a Jewish show. Jesus Christ Superstar is a goyish show, New Testament. This was AL Dubbs’ (Andrew Lloyd Weber’s) old school Testament show. And it was a testament to how lousy something can be and still please the ear.

Now, where was I in the story? The brothers put blood on the coat. If you’re the prop master of a production of Joseph, here’s what you need: You need two coats. You need one coat that looks great and then you need another one that has blood on it. So they bring that coat to their Dad and the Dad’s devastated ‘cause his favorite son is ostensibly dead. It’s already dark and I’m telling you that growing up I related to everybody in this play. Except for Potiphar.

… (sips) Clinky-clinky, guess what’s back? Mr. Maker’s Mark.

I just related to the idea of being jealous of someone getting special attention, of deserving special attention because of special abilities and then being bullied. I felt this show in a deep place. Which is why my role as Narrator was so — oh, the other thing about that British counselor, she called it “na-rate-or”, which is not how you pronounce that. You ever know someone who will use the British spelling of things or pronounce things British-ly in their American day-to-day lives because at one point they decided to have an affectation? Those people are the most fun.

Act II: Joseph is sold as a slave by his brothers to some pee-pell. He ends up in jail and then he predicts dreams from I think a baker and a butcher … or a tailor and a tinker and a soldier and a spy. Some semblance of the archetypes that were or were not going to fuck-marry-kill Tevye’s daughters. They’re in the prison cell with him, they have dreams, they tell Joseph, Joseph says “Here’s what your dreams mean” but not in a shrink way. People say “Joseph was the first psychiatri—” no, he wasn’t. “I had this dream” and he goes “Oh, that means that there’s gonna be war or famine.” He’s basically doing the equivalent of holding an index card to his head while Ed drunkenly guffawed in times of olde. Those were the good old days.

(sighs) No Steve Higgins was Ed McMahon.

So what happened? Pharaoh said “You’ll be my dream interpreter”, he comes up, prepares them for famine. What happens? Potiphar’s wife tries to fuck him, he says no, she says he tried to rape her … ‘cause that’s what sluts do. Slut-shamed her again! Joan Collins plays her in the movie version with Donny Osmond, I strongly recommend looking that up. And I think the guy who plays Otho from Beetlejuice is in that scene. It’s not bad, there are worse ways to spend an afternoon than watching that.

What happens then? Joseph does well for himself. The brothers forgot to plan for the famine or something? And they come and beg for food … to the Pharaoh … is it the Pharaoh? And Joseph’s like “Surprise, it’s me!” and the brothers are like “Oh … boy!” And he’s like “No, it’s cool, I forgive you.” And Jacob is psyched. And to be honest that’s also kind of Joseph looking like a cock because he extended kindness to his brothers while everyone was watching. Mm-hm.

And then he sings a song at the end and it is called “Any Dream Will Do”. There are two songs that Joseph sings: One is “Close Every Door to Me”, which he sings in a prison, and the other is the one I just mentioned. “Close Every Door to Me” was originally going to be the opening theme song to Orange is the New Black but they decided it wasn’t long enough.

There are so many other things I should be talking about besides this … I’m not good at prioritizing. I put this monologue list together right before I recorded it, and … just like a ramshackle — and it should be organized by priority and yet it isn’t, but I have a feeling that Clay Aiken will bring a dimension to a role that will further affect me because he is a redhead. And I know that, especially as a redheaded male it’s easy to feel like you’re getting too much attention, and not the best kind. So I’ll be interested to see what he uses from his personal experience in playing the part of Joseph. In … what production is it, by the way, is it going to be televised? Is Clay Aiken doing it on Broadway, is this going to be on Ovation with Raising McCain, Meghan McCain’s new talk show?

Lotta talk shows. Women get daytime talk shows. Men, as long as they’re white or Arsenio, which I’ll talk about in a second, rule the night. Women need to take back the night in a different way, starting with laughter.

A.P. Blake snapped one of the Green Line's new next-train signs, which shows, well, the next train to arrive, but, unlike the signs on the other lines, not when it's due.

"For the first time in the 100-year history of the Green Line, customers on the outbound platform will no longer have to guess which train is coming next," state Transportation Secretary Richard Davey said.

Providing arrival time information will take additional technology to track Green Line trolleys; the T hopes to release a schedule for installation of that sometime in the next few months.

Incoming Celtics player Kelly Olynyk will help the T inaugurate the first electronic signboard to let you know the next trolley is approaching/arriving, in a ceremony tomorrow at 2 p.m. at Kenmore station.

For the first time on the Green Line, electronic message boards will provide "Next Train" information.

The T says it will explain exactly what that means at the ceremony.

Olynyk, who went to Gonzaga, will then ride the Green Line to North Station with state Transportation Secretary Richard Davey, who went to Gonzaga law school.

Who needs bread when you have your mouth.

It’s almost Hallloween.

wtf? i dont remember them teaching us this when we were little

wtfplus:

old navy plus, “featured styles”

thanks for sending me an e-mail alerting me to these featured styles, old navy ! i think the hardest item to find for plus size people (and clearly the most sought-after) is black or gray baggy sweatshirts for like 30 fucking dollars. my look for fall is “netflix casual” and these would pair well with a pair of yoga pants that you also sold me for $30. or i could dress them down by just porky pigging and not wearing any bottoms at all.

spoiler: the other featured styles are the same jeans and single jean skirt they’ve had for like six years.

p.s. believe it or not, i had to make that image. i actually searched “porky pig flashdance" to try to find him in a baggy sweatshirt but SOMEHOW that didn’t already exist.

Thanks to Roxy, I just realized my style is always Netflix Casual.

In case you missed our earlier introduction to The Venue Report, check out the first part of this feature. The Venue Report is the perfect tool for finding your wedding venue. Whether you dream of getting married in a forrest, an estate, a castle, a villa or a ranch, they have you covered! This lovely styled wedding shoot takes place at The Grand Del Mar and is captured gorgeously by the one and only Jose Villa. With amazing styling by Cortnie of Canvas and Canopy and Summer of Grey Likes Weddings, you’ll want to pin every photo from this feature!

So, where will you say “I do”?

Where will you celebrate?

Head over to The Venue Report to learn more about this amazing new resource for your wedding, next party – or whatever you will create your next memories!

photography: Jose Villa // styling + wardrobe: Canvas and Canopy for The Venue Report // videography: Elysium Video Productions // venue + cocktails: The Grand Del Mar // pyramid beach tent: Ginger & Giligan // wardrobe styling: Summer of Grey Likes Weddings // hair: Franco Chavarria, Jessica Healy of Koda Salon // makeup: Gustavo Rodriguez Salon Posh // benches + wood tables: Farm Tables & More // floral design: Studio Fiore // botanical crowns + hair plants: Eucca // dinnerware + glassware: Verity Jane Vintage // models: Noties Management // tennis invitations + menu: Printed Pallette Ink // reception menus + signage: Grey Snail Press // tennis + bridesmaid wardrobe: Ted Baker // bow ties: Boutaugh // swimwear: Marysia Swim // wedding gown: Bliss Bride // gown brand: Anne Barge // hats + fascinators: Preston & Olivia // cake + macarons: Bouchee // boat: Urban Barn

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For the past year and a half, Mike Vuolo and Bob Garfield have been co-hosting the excellent Slate podcast Lexicon Valley, covering many Language Log-friendly topics (and interviewing a few Language Loggers in the process). Now Lexicon Valley has spawned its own blog on Slate, and Language Log has joined up as a partner to supply cross-published posts.

From Mike Vuolo's announcement:

Why do English speakers often begin sentences with a dangling, superfluous so? What makes the "historical present" such an effective storytelling tense? Is Bob Garfield a stone-cold misogynist because he finds "vocal fry" insufferable?

These are just a few of the questions we’ve tackled on the podcast Lexicon Valley over the past year and a half, and we’re deeply grateful to the many listeners who have tuned in. But many of you have written to request language-related content that can be consumed without headphones, which, alas, remain taboo in many workplaces (where shirking with the eyes is easier to do on the DL).

And so, until surgically implanted "in-ear" speakers (Exhibit A) are standard-issue, we bring you Lexicon Valley: The Blog. We’ve teamed up with the brilliant linguists at Language Log—including the University of Pennsylvania’s Mark Liberman, the University of Edinburgh’s Geoffrey Pullum, and Vocabulary.com’s Ben Zimmer—whose new and archival posts will be featured here along with content from other contributors.

The first Language Log post to be featured on the new blog is my piece on last week's hubbub over "twerk." We here at Language Log Plaza are looking forward to a fruitful partnership and are happy to have some of our posts reach a much wider audience.

The folks at the Boston City Archives wonder if you can figure out when and where this photo was taken. See it larger.