IKEA Monkey

Jason Kessler, the nationalist organizer of the highly controversial “Unite the Right” rallies, has endured plenty of angry people screaming at him as he spouts his brand of shocking rhetoric -- such as a belief the History Channel shows "constant anti-German propaganda."

Late Wednesday, the internet got lit on FAAAAAAAHR, Y'ALL, because "Kellyanne and George Conway" was trending on Twitter. Were they getting divorced? Did George murder Kellyanne with a thousand tweets? Did the Bowling Green Massacre happen in their house?

No! It was just that the Washington Post gave us the inside scoop piece on the Conway marriage that none of us even knew we were craving! IT. IS. DELICIOUS.

The most important thing you need to know is that in this article, we witness Kellyanne Conway quite literally talking shit about her husband ON BACKGROUND, and attempting to convince the WaPo journalist that she had made ground rules that any shit-talking she did about her husband was to be ON BACKGROUND. "A source close to the couple" says George is a piece of shit. "A friend familiar with their marriage" says George dutch ovens Kellyanne every night.

Look at this craven asshole:

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Here's a conversation from a few days after our walk:

Me: You told me you found [George's tweets] disrespectful.

Kellyanne: It is disrespectful, it's a violation of basic decency, certainly, if not marital vows . . . as "a person familiar with their relationship."

Me: No, we're on the record here. You can't say after the fact "as someone familiar."

Kellyanne: I told you everything about his tweets was off the record.

Me: No, that's not true. That never happened.

Kellyanne: Well, people do see it this way. People do see it that way, I don't say I do, but people see it that way.

Me: But I'm saying we never discussed everything about his tweets being off the record. There are certain things you said that I put off the record.

Kellyanne: Fine. I've never actually said what I think about it and I won't say what I think about it, which tells you what I think about it.

That's it. No Kellyanne Conway quote can ever top that exchange ever, according to a person familiar with Wonkette's opinions about Kellyanne Conway quotes.

The rest of the article is wonderful too. It of course focuses on how Kellyanne Conway is a terrible dickhead with no soul who works for the Trump administration, whereas George Conway is still a piece of shit human -- just look at his professional history -- but has joined the ranks of people who fucking haaaaaaaaate Donald Trump, because he has a functioning human brain.

The WaPo journalist, Ben Terris, notes that if people are wondering how Kellyanne 'n' George live together without killing each other's faces all the time, they must consider where they live. There's a picture of it on Zillow, which says it clocks in at either 11,478 or 15,000 square feet, depending on which part of the listing you're reading. They bought it for a cool $7.785 million last year, which is a bargain considering it had been listed at $12 million back in 2011. (More house porn if you hit that link.) It's across Rock Creek Park from Kalorama, where Jared 'n' Ivanka live like fucking paupers in a house that's only 6,870 square feet. Wonkette scoffs at Jared 'n' Ivanka's cottage, according to a person close to Wonkette.

George Conway used to love Trump, but he became disillusioned after seeing what a shithole president Trump is. Kellyanne has a paycheck to earn. That is the depth of the complexity here. Upon showing Terris a picture of Conway on election night, this exchange ensued:

"That photo was from before you cried," Kellyanne says.

"Now I cry for other reasons," George mutters.

Kellyanne pretends to ignore that comment, something she's been doing a lot of lately.

"You gotta see this picture," George, 54, says. "You should like this, it's your boss."

"He's not just my boss," Kellyanne, 51, says. "He's our president."

"Yeah," George says, walking out of the room. "We'll see how long that lasts."

ICE. COLD.

Terris and Kellyanne Conway go on a very long walk together, during which she says it's ironic like rain on your wedding day that feminists hate her, because after all isn't she living the life they want? According to a source close to feminists who write words at Wonkette, that is some fucking bullshit because nowhere in feminist literature does it say "the ultimate goal is to tell lies for puss-grabbing alleged billionaires with obvious skin conditions in exchange for money." Maybe K-Con is just behind on her Audre Lorde.

She also says she didn't like it when Trump forced a crisis at the border and then started ripping families apart, but it wasn't his fault, because for the purposes of Kellyanne's bank account, nothing is Trump's fault.

Kellyanne Conway talked some of her shit about George on the record:

"I feel there's a part of him that thinks I chose Donald Trump over him," Kellyanne says as we walk. "Which is ridiculous. One is my work and one is my marriage." [...]

"Nobody knows who I am because of my husband," she says. "People know of my husband because of me."

And what does George think about all this?

"If there's an issue," George said, "it's because she's in that job, for that man."

It's called divorce, George Conway. You need one.

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[Washington Post]

Never say never. Thomas Edison was both a great inventor and an amusing prognosticator. But nobody, no matter how smart, knows the future. And that goes for Edison as well. Back in 1894, Edison predicted that transatlantic phone calls would be impossible. But his doubts would prove silly roughly 30 years later when…

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Omarosa Manigault Newman has been on a whirlwind tour promoting her book, which reveals things we already knew: The Trump campaign/administration was and is a shit show filled with nepotism, racists, liars, sycophants and opportunists. But like Sean "P. Diddy" Combs once said, "I thought I told you that we won't stop," and Omarosa is doing just that. But with tapes!

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Since she began her book tour, her credibility has been questioned by not just the Trump administration but also the media. Ignoring the Trump administration, which has no credibility, why wouldn't the media question her? After all, Omarosa was a Trump loyalist going all the way back to "The Apprentice". I mean this is her record:

But on her "Meet The Press" press stop on Sunday (which we covered here!) she made this claim about Trump being on tape using the N-word:

CHUCK TODD: Why didn't you get that in your book?

OMAROSA MANIGAULT NEWMAN: Closed too soon. And I have been tracking, tracking. This person is so afraid because of the forces who are working to keep this tape from coming out. I mean, we first heard about it in the fall of 2016, we got on a conference call with Katrina Pearson, Lynn Patton, and Jason Miller, as you'll see in the book, and they all suspected that it was true. In fact, Katrina Pearson, the spokeswoman for the campaign said, "Oh, he said it. It's true."

TODD: But she never heard her say it? And she -- heard him say it and she has – she's denied the anecdote.

MANIGAULT NEWMAN: Is she denying? I mean she knows I have receipts. I think she should probably read the book first.

This claim sent Trump into the most bizarre defense of not using a slur ever by saying he asked "The Apprentice" producer Mark Burnett if he ever said the N-word:

Because THAT'S a normal response. How often do people have to check others to verify their racism?! But he wasn't the only one denying the existence of this event or the usage of it:

Normally this would be the end of the story. He said/she said or "Your Word vs. Theirs". But like she said, OMAROSA HAS RECEIPTS! Or in this case, tapes! Lots and lots and lots of tapes. In this specific case, after giving Luntz, Patton and Pierson time to tell their lies on Twitter and Fox, she produced the tape for "CBS This Morning":

PIERSON: I am trying to find at least what context it was used in to help us maybe try to figure out a way to spin it.

Patton then described a conversation she had with then-candidate Trump about using the N-word:

PATTON: I said, 'Well, sir, can you think of anytime where this happened?' And he said, 'no.'"

OMAROSA : Well, that is not true.

PATTON: "He goes, how do you think I should handle it and I told him exactly what you just said, Omarosa, which is well, it depends on what scenario you are talking about. And he said, well, why don't you just go ahead and put it to bed."

PIERSON: He said. No, he said it. He is embarrassed by it.

OK THEN! So that is roughly where we are right now. Except for one thing, and it is that Donald Trump is REALLY REALLY REALLY totally chill about all this. You can tell by his Twitter feed that it's not even on his mind!

Wow, calling Omarosa a "dog" seems to be a new low! Or maybe it's just more of what we've come to expect from this president. (Actually, it is both.)

So are there more tapes? Lordy we bet there are! We'll just have to wait and see. But it seems it 'takes a villain to stop a villain" and Omarosa (for now) is the villain we need. (Kind of. Not really. But whatever, POPCORN!)

[Editor's note: Oh by the way, after this story was filed, the Trump campaign filed suit against Omarosa for allegedly violating the terms of one of a 2016 nondisclosure agreement. It's totally bullshit, but we'll lawsplain that at you later when we feel like it, if we feel like it.]

On Friday, the Food and Drug Administration gave marketing approval to Natural Cycles, an app that dubs itself “digital birth control.” It’s the first time a fertility-tracking app has gotten the official OK to advertise itself as birth control, which might seem an exciting leap into the baby-preventing future of our…

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School principals across the lovely state of Florida are getting a real special delivery this week -- giant, 1984-looking signs with the state's motto emblazoned across them, to be displayed prominently in their schools. That motto? "In God We Trust."

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The new statute is part of a massive education bill signed by Florida Governor Rick Scott earlier this year that also includes such measures as a program providing private school vouchers to bullied students, as well as provisions preventing teacher's unions from bargaining for higher wages and better benefits if more than 50% of the staff does not pay dues. The bill was enacted, partially, to address school shootings like the one earlier this year in Parkland, Florida.

While one's first instinct may be to blame this entirely on "wacky Florida Republicans," that is unfortunately not the case. The measure's main sponsor is actually a Democrat. That's embarrassing!

Via NBC:

The measure was sponsored by Rep. Kimberly Daniels, D-Jacksonville, who runs a Christian ministry, according to the Orlando Sentinel.

"This motto is inscribed on the halls of this great capitol and inked on our currency, and it should be displayed so that our children will be exposed and educated on this great motto, which is a part of this country's foundation," she said when a House committee took up her bill (HB 839). "Something so great should not be hidden."

Someone should probably tell Rep. Daniels that it's the job of Republicans to tell people what religion they have to be. As it turns out, however, Daniels -- an exorcist and self-proclaimed "apostle" and "Demonbuster" who authored a very normal sounding book called "The Demon Dictionary: An Exposé on Cultural Practices, Symbols, Myths, and the Luciferian Doctrine," which she was accused of using campaign funds to promote -- is a rather unique specimen.

When promoting this bill, Daniels actually said, out loud, in a room full of people, that she "thanked God" for slavery, because "if it wasn't for slavery, I might be somewhere in Africa worshipping a tree." She is also not too fond of Jewish people either, having once said "You can talk about the Holocaust, but the Jews own everything."

Did you know Kimberly Daniels believes demons enter children through their Halloween candy? That is a thing you probably should know about Kimberly Daniels.

Yes, Rep. Daniels definitely seems like someone whose business it is to go around telling children what to believe.

The obvious objection to this sign is that it's a violation of the First Amendment, which it clearly is. It is literally the state making a law respecting an establishment of religion. Trusting in God is a religious act. This should be swiftly and easily overturned should anyone decide to challenge it in court. (Except ... Trump is packing the courts with mini-Gorsuches and there's a Big Gorsuch on the Supreme Court right now, hence our emphasis on should.)

On a basic human level, however, it also makes things really freaking uncomfortable for kids who do not believe in God. It sends a message to them that they are not welcome in that school, and that's a cruel thing to do to children. It is the exact opposite of "bullying prevention."

If the sign says "In God We Trust" and you do not believe in God, you're not part of the "We." When you're a kid, and you're in school, that kind of thing matters. It's not going to make those kids go "Oh wow, I guess I'll convert then, if that is the case!," it is going to make them feel more isolated and alone. That sign is designed specifically to make some kids feel good and some kids feel bad, for no other reason than what their personal spiritual beliefs are. It hurts my heart to think of kids feeling that way.

It took me a really long time to fully process the idea that all Christians were not mean. Like, it was something I understood cognitively, but emotionally, my guard was always up. I'm not even sure if it's entirely down now, although I really do try. I just still have a voice in my head going "They're being nice to you, sure, but deep down they think you're bad and they think you are going to burn for all of eternity when you die because you don't believe the same thing as them." And that's because of the way I was treated by kids in my school and, frankly, teachers in my school, who were not exactly very nice to the girl who didn't believe in God. They were also not particularly nice to my gay friends either, or anyone else that was different, as far as I could tell. It was not a pleasant experience.

It's not OK to make kids feel like that, and that should override the desires of people like Rep. Daniels and others to get to proselytize to them while they are in school. Schools are for learning. If kids want to go to religious schools, those exist and they can pay for the privilege. But public schools -- which are funded by everyone's tax money, whether they believe in God or not -- need to stay the hell out of it.

This will accomplish the exact opposite of what those who want this sign in schools want it to accomplish. It will make children feel ostracized and isolated, it will encourage bullying, and it just might make the kids who go through that have some pretty unfavorable impressions of Christians that make take them several decades to get over.

[NBC]

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Two people were shot, one fatally, in the Northwest Side’s Albany Park neighborhood, while five others were wounded in four separate shootings Monday night through Tuesday morning in Chicago’s South and West sides.

Most recently, just before 12:40 a.m. in South Austin, a 21-year-old man was shot...

During the summer of 2016, it seemed like everyone was glued to their phones chasing rare Charizards or whatever on Pokémon Go —the mobile game that sent hapless people roving around their respective cities to catch virtual Pokémon. The craze caused an estimated billions of dollars in damages, serious injuries, and headaches at Holocaust memorial sites before basically dying out, leaving many people wondering: Is anyone still playing Pokémon Go?

Well, there's at least one person still on a thankless quest to catch 'em all, and it looks like he's using as many phones as possible to get the job done.

Meet 69-year-old Chen San-yuan, a Taiwanese grandpa who's rigged his bike with multiple smartphones, creating himself a diabolical Pokémon-nabbing machine. Chen was first interviewed about his quest by Taiwanese YouTube channel EXP.GG, where he had tied nine phones to his bike to fuel his habit, but according to the BBC, he's now upgraded to 11. He told EXP.GG that he spends more than $1,250 a month to fund his habit, spending up to 20 hours chasing Pokémon until his phones run out of juice.

Chen, who's also apparently known as "Uncle Pokemon," reportedly started playing the game after his grandson introduced him. But despite being incredibly addictive, the game also has some perceived health benefits for Chen.

"There's a lot of fun," Chen told EXP.GG. "I can connect with people, prevent Alzheimer's disease."

With his 11 phones, his tricked out bike, his remarkable ability to multitask, and his quest to keep his head and heart healthy, Chen has shown what it really, truly takes to be—in the words of the Pokémon theme song—"the very best, like no one ever was." Here's to hoping that one day, he finally catches them all so the rest of us can stop falling into lakes or whatever.

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Have you ever watched clips from The Bachelor on mute? Without background music, narration, or chatter, the show loses any semblance of storyline and romance—it’s just a series of shots of beautiful, shellacked people prancing about twinkly lit sets while making extended eye contact with one another. Watch enough episodes or trailers, and all the characters start to look the same, too.

President Trump blasted “Wacky” Omarosa Manigault-Newman on Monday after she leaked a secretly taped phone call with him amid promotion of her new book, calling her “vicious, but not smart” and saying White House Chief of Staff John Kelly considered her a “loser.”

Aretha Franklin, the “Queen of Soul” and one of the best-selling musicians of all time, is unwell, according to reports. The Associated Press cites an anonymous source close to the 76-year-old singer, who says she is “seriously ill,” while local Detroit news station WDIV has confirmed the news with family members and says that Franklin is asking for people “to pray for her.”

Is all-green the new all-white?

Minimalist kitchens are great and all, but have you seen what a little paint can do? French architecture studio Atelier Sagitta coated this Parisian kitchen in a bold emerald green, and we have to admit—it’s a much needed break from all white everything.

Home to an art director (surprise, surprise), the apartment centers around a small but efficient kitchen. The architects maximized the room’s space, with an inset stove top and a wall of green cabinetry that camouflages storage space and the dishwasher.

Giaime Meloni via Dezeen

The designers cribbed the deep green hue from the original laminate used on the countertops pre tear-down. Set against birch wood countertops and shelving, the hue almost becomes a neutral—one that’s neither too boring or flashy.

Going full-on green isn’t a new trend, of course. You might remember that Pantone dubbed a leafy shade its 2017 color of the year as a symbolic nod to “new beginnings.” For what it’s worth, we’ve long extolled the virtues of the color. This kitchen is just more proof that green really is great.

Via: Dezeen

Last weekend, Adriana Diaz of CBS sat down with some stereotypical looking farmers, all of whom voted for Trump, to ask them some questions about the trade war, tariffs, and apparently how willing they are to die on the battlefield of Trump's trade war. The Q&A; session began with some mild questions like, "Do you feel like soldiers on the front lines of this emerging trade war?" and ended with a Braveheart style "TO THE DEATH!!" response from an aggrieved working man of Scottish stock. Ok, he didn't yell it. But still.

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In light of the fact that I hate (okay, maybe not hate, but seriously resent) them all, I have transcribed the entire video so you can see for yourself how annoying they are.

"Right now we're at an unfair disadvantage. We have no control over anything. Everything is based in Washington. Between the United States and the Chinese and we have no control over that, but the markets are going down. If this continues for any length of time there's going to be certain people that are not going to continue to farm, and that would be sad."

This is what you get for voting for a "businessman" whose life consists of saying shit people want to hear and then saying some other shit five minutes later. Sell your fucking farms to China and then maybe they will buy the soybeans, not my problem. I'm saving my sad for innocent kids in cages, school shooting victims, minorities, women, lgbtq, and all other REAL VICTIMS of the Trump Administration. Useful idiots do not get sympathy.

CBS also reports that "farm country has become a high value target in the US trade war, with China placing retaliatory tariffs of 25% on US soybeans, which has led to steep price drops for US soybean farmers." To which I say once again, too bad; don't care. He told y'all he was going to start a trade war. Enjoy!!

"Right now it's close to a 20% drop in what the soybean prices are, so you're looking at 20% less you are going to be receiving on a specific commodity. That's about all we can really afford without starting to panic a little bit more."

Welp. Making America Great Again costs A LOT. It possibly might just cost you your farm, but that's okay, BUILD THE WALL. Oh. My bad, wrong cue. Everything is fine because MS-13 was probably on the way to your Soybean farm, so you're actually LUCKY that Trump is making you poor. Just apply for a right to work job that an immigrant stole from you at Mar a Lago.

"Did you all vote for President Trump?"

Yes. They did. Of course they did, because China wouldn't bother placing tariffs on people who didn't vote for that orange smegma stain. And since they voted for Trump, nobody should give a shit if Trump's policies harm them. I mean, they don't even care that Trump's policies harm them, so why should you? You shouldn't. He told them he didn't respect them over and over and over and over and over again. This is what they WANTED. LET THEM ENJOY IT.

"That has nothing to do with why I support what's going on right now."

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU SUPPORT IT!!! You don't.

"Do you support the administration even though you're being hurt by these retaliatory tariffs?"
I do, I'm a good American. I believe that we all have to toe the line."

Give me a fucking break, okay? Y'all did not feel that way when you found out Obama was making you buy health insurance, but it's totally okay for Trump to bankrupt you? You can only be a good American for white presidents not named Bill Clinton.

"So, you're okay with bearing the brunt of these tariffs?"

"If I had my druthers, no. But am I willing to take my lumps for the benefit of the entire country, yes, I personally am."

Well, you don't have your druthers, now do you? GOOD. Take your lumps.

"You're willing to weather the storm for a certain amount of time, but how long is too long?"

Wait for it…..

"Well, the Scottish in me says, To the death."

See? This is what the fuck I mean. I bet some of you were like, "Damn, she's a cold piece of work! Why can't she at least fake some sympathy?" But now you see that there is absolutely NO POINT in sympathizing with voluntary sacrificial lambs because they enjoy suffering. Sure, they wanted other people to suffer instead, if they had their druthers, but suffering is suffering and it makes them feel rugged and hardcore, so don't fucking bother trying to talk them out of laying down on the train tracks. This is what they want and this is what they get. We can only save the woke.

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Imitation crab—also known as “krab,” “kay-rab,” “fake crab,” and “krab sticks”—is a mixture of fish (usually Alaska pollock) and starch that has been shaped and colored to resemble the leg of a crab. It’s basically the lunchmeat of the sea, and it can be surprisingly tasty. (I used to eat it straight from the package,…

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Once every couple of years, a film comes along that jolts the country awake, redefines a genre, and really makes us think. Deep Blue Sea, the 1999 shark thriller, that starred Samuel L. Jackson, LL Cool J, and Saffron Burrows, did not do any of those things. It follows a group of scientists in an underwater facility who are doing research on Alzheimer’s disease and for whatever reason, they’re using sharks for the experiments. Somehow, they genetically engineer one shark to be super-intelligent and aggressive, which then wreaks havoc, trapping them in the facility and killing most of the crew. The plot is so convoluted, that you probably wouldn’t be able to explain it without looking it up (which I had to do, despite having seen the movie several times). So, imagine my surprise the title of this film was even uttered in the year 2018, much less, given a sequel. But, get this, it was.

Ever since he stole the spotlight during his time on screen in Trainwreck, John Cena has found himself with an increasingly busy workload in Hollywood. Cena’s IMDb page has filled up with a combination of comedy and action films since that 2015 breakout performance showed his range beyond “movies about the troops.”

While Cena’s comedic chops have opened up a number of doors to him, including a legit starring role in Blockers this year, home sweet home for Cena will always be with action movies. Cena’s massive, muscular build lends itself to being on that of an action hero, but for his upcoming movie Project X, he’s taking a new approach and trimming down pretty significantly.

Cena will star in the film alongside Jackie Chan, and in preparation for filming (which, according to IMDb has just begun), Cena has dropped 18 pounds. He showed off his new slimmer physique on Twitter, and the combination of somewhat skinny/full head of hair Cena is rather jarring.

As Cena notes, he’s working on a combination of martial arts and I’m assuming that emoji means yoga, with weight training still involved, but as a much smaller portion of his workout regimen than usual. As for Project X, these are about all the details we have right now.

Two ex-special forces soldiers must escort a group of civilians along Baghdad’s “Highway of Death” to the safety of the Green Zone.

Given Chan’s performance in The Foreigner and Cena’s work on the big screen lately this could be a very excellent action movie. It will be interesting to see if Cena keeps the weight off for his inevitable return to WWE action. We’ve seen bulky Cena for well over a decade, I think it’s finally time for high-flying, 205 Live Cena.

Cary Fukunaga’s dark comedy Maniac is coming to Netflix in September. How much do you know about it?

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Before too long, a reporter will become a direct casualty of the Trump era.

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It seems that British tabloids have officially discovered “facesitting”—and it’s kind of adorable. Only, instead of referring to the act in such common parlance, the ‘bloids are going with the fancier, lesser used slang of “queening.” The Daily Star is calling it “the hot new sex trend of 2018" with zero evidence of…

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Remembering comic genius Mitch Hedberg and what made him special. For more laughs, watch CNN's Original Series "History of Comedy," Sundays at 10pm ET/PT.

When Jerry and Rita Alter died, a painting was found in their bedroom in the tiny town of Cliff, NM, and then was sold to an antiques dealer along with the rest of their effects for $2000. The dealer soon discovered that the painting was an original Willem de Kooning worth in the neighborhood of $150 million. The painting had been stolen in a daring raid from a Tucson museum in 1985 and a recently discovered piece of evidence shows the Alters were in Tucson on the day before the theft.

The next morning, a man and a woman would walk into the museum and then leave 15 minutes later. A security guard had unlocked the museum’s front door to let a staff member into the lobby, curator Olivia Miller told NPR. The couple followed. Since the museum was about to open for the day, the guard let them in.

The man walked up to the museum’s second floor while the woman struck up a conversation with the guard. A few minutes later, he came back downstairs, and the two abruptly left, according to the NPR interview and other media reports.

Sensing that something wasn’t right, the guard walked upstairs. There, he saw an empty frame where de Kooning’s “Woman-Ochre” had hung.

At the time, the museum had no surveillance cameras. Police found no fingerprints. One witness described seeing a rust-color sports car drive away but didn’t get the license plate number. For 31 years, the frame remained empty.

Earlier this year, WFAA made a short documentary film about the Alters and the heist.

(If you don’t want to watch the entire video, at least check out the bit starting at 18:00 where the painting is given back to the museum and authenticated…that is something you rarely see on video as it happens.)

Adding to the mystery: the couple obviously never sold the painting but they retired early, travelled the world, and left a $1 million inheritance, all seemingly beyond their means as public school employees.

Something else doesn’t add up. Jerry and Rita Alter worked in public schools for most of their careers. Yet they somehow managed to travel to 140 countries and all seven continents, documenting their trips with tens of thousands of photos.

And yet, when they died, they had more than a million dollars in their bank account, according to the Sun News.

“I guess I figured they were very frugal,” their nephew, Ron Roseman, told WFAA.

Hmm, where did they get all that coin?

Tags: art   crime   video   Willem de Kooning

There’s a tradition in comedy of presenting a Jenga tower of a parodic framework—you’re watching an infomercial, say—and then gradually removing blocks from the premise until the whole thing collapses, sometimes in ways that implicate the audience. There’s also a long tradition of critics painstakingly reverse-engineering the blueprints for those towers in ways that allow the audience to feel less implicated, because participating in that exegesis, understanding how the thing works, moves them safely outside the thing itself. Anyway, here’s the thing itself, from Terence Nance’s new HBO show Random Acts of Flyness:

Accidentally leaving a child in a hot car is a tragic mistake that anyone could make. Blame our faulty brains, among other things. (And if you haven’t read Gene Weingarten’s 2009 Washington Post story on hot car deaths, make a point to do so—it’s masterful.) As parents, the sooner we realize we’re not insusceptible,…

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Why homes with dark exteriors have gone mainstream

Two years ago, my husband and I finally got around to painting our 1970s ranch house. At first, we’d considered covering over the cheap, mud-colored T1 siding with cedar shingles, as many of our neighbors have. But while shingles are fitting for our northeastern locale, they felt wrong for our little rancher. We’d also seen homes built around the same time as ours made over with slick, new cedar siding, but that was far beyond our budget. After hemming and hawing over what seemed like 50 shades of gray, we decided to paint the whole thing black—much to our family members’ initial chagrin. Although we were nervous about the bold choice, we decided it couldn’t look worse than the aging stain—and if it was too dramatic, we could always shingle over the top.

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On the first day of painting, our down-the-street neighbor came by for a beer in the evening. When we showed him the beginning of our makeover, he laughed: He’d started painting his house black the very same day.

My neighbor and I are not alone: Black house exteriors have come into fashion at what seems like an almost astonishing speed. Pinterest reports that saves for black houses have grown 774 percent since spring 2014, significantly spiking in March of this year (possibly tied to a New York Times story that appeared on March 7). And people are not just dreaming of black houses. Thus far in 2018, Tricorn Black, a deep, saturated ebony that is perennially one of the company’s most popular blacks, is the 12th most popular paint sold by Sherwin-Williams in the U.S., up from the 33rd spot in 2017. In Canada, Tricorn Black is the sixth most popular color so far this year, while no black colors even made the country’s top 50 list in 2017.

My own ebony house dreams were sparked in 2013 when I saw blogger Sarah Samuels’s Michigan lake house on Remodelista. The color transformed the humble one-story house: In its darker hue, the somewhat dumpy house felt modern—fresh, even. At the same time, it seemed to recede into its natural surroundings. To a homeowner desperate for a solution to an ugly exterior, it seemed like Samuels had pulled off some kind of magic trick. I began hoarding images of black houses on Pinterest, wondering if I’d be brave enough to try it myself.

Until recently, an all-black house exterior was fairly edgy—more art installation or scenic backdrop than a place to live your everyday life. In 2002, artists Rob Pruitt and Jonathan Horowitz painted their 1895 Victorian black from foundation to turret. The New York Times covered the transformation, noting that “the men turned what had once been a picture postcard residence (they have the postcard) into Delaware County’s ominous new attraction. Word of mouth has turned out a steady procession of onlookers.” Horowitz considered the house akin to a work of art, one that pushed back against a traditional view of houses: “Design and decoration are so often distinguished from art-making as superficial and devoid of the meaning that art supposedly has.” At the time, I worked at Budget Living magazine, and we photographed the house to be included in our October issue, playing up the spooky element of the black facade. Martha Stewart Living would later use the house as a location for its own Halloween crafts story. If you’d one day told me I’d be living in my own haunted house, I wouldn’t have believed you.

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A black house was not always a radical choice. In centuries past, houses were black for practical reasons. Traditional methods of preserving and protecting wood result in a blackened look, including the Japanese practice of shou sugi ban and the Scandinavian process of coating wood in a combination of tar and linseed oil.

Shou sugi ban, known as yakisugi in Japanese, involves charring wood to leave a carbonized layer on one side of the lumber, rendering the wood pest-, fire-, and weather-resistant. Used primarily to protect against fire, the technique dates back to the 18th century but is enjoying a resurgence today among high-end architectural practices, which value the rich, handmade look shou sugi ban creates. Shou sugi ban has become so trendy there are even lumber suppliers who sell precharred lumber to builders at great expense. In an article on the rising popularity of shou sugi ban, writer Amanda Fortini speculates, “the deeper roots of the trend no doubt lie in our current collective hunger for all things artisanal — for creations that aren’t sleek and mass-produced but contain the visible, sometimes-raw, but always original touch of the human hand.”

In Europe, and particularly in Scandinavia, in the 19th century and early 20th century, wood was coated in a combination of tar and linseed oil, which acted as a natural sealant that just happened to be black. Andrea Magno, a color and design expert at Benjamin Moore, points out that homes were also traditionally painted dark colors in northern climates as a budget heating method. “A black home will absorb a considerable amount of heat from the sun,” says Magno, who believes the black exterior trend is unlikely to last in warmer climates.

Magno may yet be surprised. Black houses are popping up in unexpected places. When I spoke with Sue Wadden, director of color marketing at Sherwin-Williams, she was astounded that she is now seeing black exteriors in Texas, where the color is untraditional and unexpected because of the heat. Likewise, charcoal-colored homes are infiltrating the white houses and shingled manses of beach enclaves like the Hamptons, where black traditionally would have been considered too gloomy. Designer Mark Zeff is among those who have embraced the notion of a somber hue for his beach house in East Hampton, New York. Zeff believed in the black-house aesthetic so wholeheartedly it became the name for his lifestyle brand, Blackbarn, which in addition to real estate development has spawned a restaurant, two stores, and a book about his house.

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A writer for the New York Times joked that it was perhaps the 2016 election that prompted her own black-house obsession, but the recent trend toward deep, dark homes started long before we had a real estate mogul in the White House.

Dwell magazine, the darling of the contemporary architectural world, featured a black house on the cover of its very first issue, in October 2000, and has profiled a parade of black and near-black houses for the last 18 years. A search of the site reveals that the editors know there’s an audience for these dark homes, with slideshows of “30 All-Black Exterior Modern Homes” and “15 Modern Homes with Black Exteriors.” Nor is Curbed immune.

Meanwhile, black has been having an extended moment inside the house. The much-admired home of J. Crew’s former president Jenna Lyons, photographed for Domino in 2008 and for Living Etc. in 2009, which featured a chalkboard-paint-covered master suite and a black-walled nursery, spawned a thousand imitators. Black interiors have been so popular in the last decade that even websites like the stalwart Goodhousekeeping.com feature slideshows of black-walled interiors.

Wadden points to Cabin Porn, the Tumblr and subsequent book, as early promoters of the black-exterior aesthetic, but she thinks it is social media and Instagram that have made the super-dark exterior take off. “They photograph well, and that’s definitely influencing people,” she says.

“The color highlights the imperfections in the wood in an interesting way that makes it look like beautiful, charred wood. It actually makes the house disappear: The black makes the green of the landscaping pop instead.”—Neal Beckstedt

Black is still much less common than white or other soft, neutral tones on the exteriors of homes. But with the advent of Instagram, Houzz, and Pinterest, black houses can feel nearly ubiquitous—especially if you’re seeking them out. Seeing all these black houses has given people the confidence to try it themselves, says Wadden. Benjamin Moore’s Magno agrees. “While painting the exterior of a home black would have never been an option years ago, through exposure to so many images and having sources of inspiration right at our fingertips, homeowners can explore more nontraditional or daring options when choosing color for their exterior,” she writes in an email.

Finally, there’s less potential for a bad investment with black these days. Painting a house black is less risky because today’s paints and stains are so good, says Wadden. A generation ago a homeowner might worry about the color fading before the paint needed to be redone, but today’s formulations are more reliable—and they are easier to apply, so a DIY-minded homeowner like myself can actually get a decent-looking result that will last.

As I was reporting this story, a photo of a black facade architect and interior designer Neal Beckstedt captioned “When in doubt, paint it #black,” popped up in my Instagram feed. I wondered if his words and image were tongue in cheek: Had black reached such ubiquity that a member of Elle Décor’s A-List was poking fun at yet another black house? I decided to call Beckstedt to find out.

“No,” he laughed, “That’s actually my house!” Beckstedt had just painted his 1890s house in Sag Harbor, New York, a very dark shade of charcoal (the same one, incidentally, that he had used in his New York City bathroom). The founder of an eponymous interior design practice, Beckstedt confessed even he worried about the choice. “I was a little nervous about what my neighbors would think,” he said. But Beckstedt is thrilled with the results. “The color highlights the imperfections in the wood in an interesting way that makes it look like beautiful, charred wood,” he said, and to his surprise, “it actually makes the house disappear: The black makes the green of the landscaping pop instead.”

Luckily, the neighbors approve too.

Laura Fenton is a writer based in New York City. Her work has been published in Better Homes & Gardens, Country Living, New York magazine, and Parents, where she is the lifestyle director.

Editor: Sara Polsky

Xiao long bao, the broth-filled Shanghainese steamed pork dumplings, is inarguably one of the great culinary inventions of mankind. When done right it can induce eyes to roll to the back of your skull and involuntary noises from deep within your soul.

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Don’t worry, he’ll get adopted if his owners don’t claim him.

94 participants ran Australia’s Ellery Brookman Goldfields Pipeline Half Marathon earlier in July. The typical finisher had approximately 2.02 legs.

The average was thrown off by a local stray dog named Stormy, who met the runners before the race and then, citing a light schedule of licking himself and sleeping for 18 yards that day, decided to join them. Stormy ran the course diligently, hitting every checkpoint and finishing with an estimated time of 2:30 — good enough for a top 70 finish. Despite not wearing a bib, the very good dog was recognized for his efforts, earning a medal for running 13.1 miles despite stumpy legs

“This dog is walking around, making itself known to all the runners. We get the air horn out and say ‘Go’ and off he goes with everybody,” volunteer coordinator Allison Hunter told Australia’s ABC News. ”Speaking with all the aid stations and marshals later, we found out he stopped at every single one.”

ABC Goldfields: Isabel Moussalli

Stormy didn’t get much time to revel in his accomplishment, however. Rangers took the canine from the finish line, which is a pet-free zone, to the pound after no one claimed him at the end of the race. He’ll spend up to seven days in dog jail waiting for his owner to pick him up. Organizers were told the good boy is a year-old resident of a local Aboriginal community who doesn’t have a single owner, but knows everyone in town.

If no one claims the rugged half-marathoner pup by the end of the week, he’ll be put up for adoption. Anyone in western Australia looking for a running mate will be able to apply to give him his forever home for a cost of about $300, plus expenses.

Race organizer Grant Wholey said he hopes the medal increases Stormy’s chances of being spotted and reunited with his owner(s).

People were amused. It was a very friendly dog, and prior to the half-marathon, he was going around saying hello to a lot of people and when the race started, he took off with them.

At the race stations he was having a little runaround and saying hello to the volunteers and participants, and then he would team up with another runner and keep on following the crowd. He was just out there having a trot through the bush and enjoying people’s company.

We thought he deserved a medal since he had done the whole thing. So Allison and I went down to the rangers, gave him a medal and gave him more exposure so hopefully the owner might see.

So, if you’re feeling unmotivated today for any cause, just remember; if this stumpy little Australian dog can do it, so can you.

This adorable feline could be mistaken for a real-life Garfield, as he happens to weight a staggering 33 pounds. Giant mog Bronson was adopted by Mike Wilson and his partner, Megan Hanneman, and has since been put on a target weight-loss program. Photographs of lovable Bronson show just how large he is compared to other cats. In one image, for example, a cushion for a cat bed only covers the 3-year-old ginger tabby’s back like the shell of a turtle. (Caters News)

This month (and 2018, really) has been an unmitigated nightmare, but we are pleased to report that the purity of dogs remains untouched.

Last week, 361 golden retrievers assembled at the Guisachan Estate in Tomich, Scotland to celebrate the 150th anniversary of the happy-go-lucky breed. Apparently, the notoriously loyal breed of doggo was first bred in 1868 at the very they assembled for the commemorative party.

The event was hosted by The Golden Retriever Club of Scotland, and, according to TIME, broke the world record for largest gathering of golden retrievers. In the process, they proved that you really can't have too much of a good thing, especially if that good thing is dogs. Please fortify yourself with this sea of gleeful wagging tails, melodious barks, and faces that always look like they're smiling:

“It’s such a popular breed,” Doreen McGugan, chair of the Golden Retriever Club of Scotland, told TODAY. "It was a lot of pet owners who came just to join the fun. People didn’t realize that it all went back to this and that there is a place to go to commemorate (their golden retrievers)."

Clearly McGugan was blinded by the brilliance of these pups, telling TODAY that, throughout the day there was "not one bark in these dogs." Which is patently false, as you can see from the video above. But who among us wouldn't be overwhelmed by this sea of the goodest girls and boys?

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Michael Cohen, President Donald Trump's former personal attorney, claims that then-candidate Trump knew in advance about the June 2016 meeting in Trump Tower in which Russians were expected to offer his campaign dirt on Hillary Clinton, sources with knowledge tell CNN. Cohen is willing to make that assertion to special counsel Robert Mueller, the sources said.