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15 Oct 03:33

CDC Director ‘Too Busy’ With Ebola Nonsense To Explain Himself To Bill O’Reilly, As If

by Kaili Joy Gray
IKEA Monkey

sigh. I can't.

Please gimme ratings, please gimme ratings

Please gimme ratings, please gimme ratings

Everyone knows that President Obama is trying to kill us all with Ebola, and he’s puppet-mastering Dr. Tom Frieden, director of the Centers for Disease Control, to make us think that is not the plan, even though it totally is. That’s just a fact.

Fortunately, Bill O’Reilly is here to speak derp to power and make sure we all know The Truth. On his Monday night show, he laid out the super compelling evidence.

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com

We have asked Dr. Frieden a number of times to appear on ‘The Factor’. He will not because he is afraid. He knows that I know he’s not being candid, that he is spinning the situation and not being forthcoming about how the disease is being spread. Frieden should resign.

That alone should convince you. If Dr. Frieden had nothing to hide, he would go on Fox News to answer Bill’s fair-and-balanced questions. It’s not like he has anything better to do in his role as head of the agency that’s trying to address the spread of Ebola. And O’Reilly knows that Dr. Frieden knows the real way to protect Americans is to keep all those scary disease-ridden Africans as far away as possible. He must know that, even though he is lying and saying that a travel ban would not actually do any good. But that is a bald-faced “propagandist” lie because O’Reilly — who doesn’t understand how the tide works or who put the moon up there in that there sky — is something of an expert on Ebola, like every other bobblehead on Fox.

When Frieden recently appeared on Fox, even though he’s too much of a coward to do that, his evil plot to lie to America was exposed by science expert Steve Doocy:

“I know you say the public does not need to worry about it,” Doocy said. “But I’ve got to tell you something, my daughter works in the building directly across the street from the hospital, and I talked to her last night. She’s a little freaked out.”

But Frieden refused to admit that Doocy’s daughter’s scientific expertise was far superior to his own, which proves that he is lying. And, as Doocy reported so we can decide, the reason for his lies is obvious:

One other theme we got on the email, doctor, was this — and this is a political thing, but you’re part of the administration. They feel that the administration has misled a lot of people on a lot of things. Why should we believe you when you’re telling us this stuff?

It would be irresponsible not to assume that Frieden, as part of the Obama administration, is up to some seriously nefarious no good. Sure, he might be some kind of scientist doctor type person who might have some vague concerns about disease control and prevention, like his business card says, but that is far outweighed by his true mission: telling Americans that Ebola is no big, don’t worry, nothing to see here. So that Obama can once and for all destroy America by letting Africans sneak across our borders through major airports to infect us all.

As O’Reilly scientifically and objectively points out, “There is no compelling reason for West Africans to come to the United States at this point in time.” And since a new NBC poll shows that 58 percent of Americans believe there should be a ban on travel from West African countries, that proves the necessity of a travel ban because those 58 percent of Americans clearly have a better grasp of how to handle a viral disease than some Obama propagandist who probably doesn’t even watch Fox News. Hmmph. Maybe if Dr. Frieden actually cared about our national security, he’d listen to those Americans instead of consulting his scientific books or whatever.

This is a national security issue, is it not? What reason is there on the earth not to suspend visas from that area? The truth is there is no reason — just a bunch of excuse making.

We are on to you, Dr. Frieden. And unless you admit that you are lying all the lies in order to cover up Obama’s evil scheme — or go on Bill O’Reilly’s show, not that he needs the ratings boost because he already defeated the media forever — you have no choice but to resign. It is the right and proper thing to do, for national security and America and those 58 percent of Americans who obviously know a lot more than you do.

[h/t Mediaite]

14 Oct 03:54

This Travel Ad Is Sheer, Hilarious Perfection and a Total Genius Mess

by Mark Shrayber

It's a bunch of travel agents just struttin' through town. And it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. And it will bring joy to your heart and a song to your throat, because whatever these agents thought they were advertising, they were wrong; they're selling pure magic. (AND attitude.)

Read more...








10 Oct 20:09

Clooney honeymoon on hold for this

IKEA Monkey

My brother was there for this, and texted me a picture of him at this panel.

Sure hope Amal isn't upset.
10 Oct 15:14

10 Insane Buildings Currently Under Construction

by Adam D’Arpino
IKEA Monkey

The Agora building looks like a screenshot from SimCity.

If these wild, under-construction buildings are any indication, the future is near, and it will be extremely tall and draped in glass.

1. Kingdom Tower

Set to dwarf the world’s tallest building—the United Arab Emirates’ Burj Khalifa—by over 550 feet, Saudi Arabia’s Kingdom Tower will be the planet’s first building to top a kilometer in height. The $1.2 billion project, located in Jeddah, will house luxury condos, office space, an observatory, a Four Seasons hotel, and feature the world’s highest sky terrace on the 157th floor (still quite a ways from the top, fyi). Construction on the project officially started last year, and the building is due to be completed in 2019.

2. Shanghai Tower

In the works since 1993, China’s $4.2 billion, 121-floor Shanghai Tower was topped out earlier this year and is now wrapping construction. It is currently the world’s second tallest building, but the Tower isn’t officially set to open until 2015. Still, millions of people have already seen the view from the top thanks to vertigo-inducing snaps and videos, shot by two Russian daredevils who illicitly climbed to the top, which went viral last year. The mixed-use Tower is composed of nine distinct vertical zones and is surrounded by a layer of transparent glass skin to filter weather and provide natural ventilation.

3. The Dubai Pearl

Somewhere between designing artificial islands shaped like the world, the largest mall known to man, and, of course, the planet’s tallest building, someone decided Dubai should also be home to a luxury development that looks vaguely like a regular building that has ominously sprung massive legs. The Dubai Pearl, overlooking the Persian Gulf and set to top out at 73 stories, kicked off construction in 2009 and is due for completion in 2016. The planned “integrated city” features four towers connected by a sky bridge, and will include a 1,800-seat premium theatre and serve as home to the Dubai International Film Festival.

4. Agora Garden Tower

Coming in 2016, Taipei's double-helix-shaped Agora Garden Tower will split the difference between man and Mother Nature. The twisty, 20-story luxury residential building will be green in every sense of the word, with balconies on each floor to support gardens, and state-of-the-art sustainable features including solar cells and rainwater recycling .

5. World One

When it’s completed next year, the 117-floor World One tower will be the tallest residential building on the planet and far and away the tallest building in Mumbai, nearly doubling the 61-floor Imperial Towers that currently hold the latter title. World One will be home to some of Mumbai’s wealthiest residents, with 300 luxury 3 and 4-bedroom units that start at $1.5 million, and feature designs by Giorgio Armani's Armani/Casa studio. Fancy, but World One might not hold the “Mumbai’s Tallest” title for long, considering the currently-on-hold India Tower is planned to reach 126 stories.

6. King Abdullah Petroleum Studies and Research Center

Closer to the ground than most of the buildings on this list but every bit as mind-blowing, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah Petroleum Studies and Research Center (KAPSARC, for short-ish) looks more like a Bond villain's lair than a multinational non-profit. The futuristic crystallized design is the brainchild of Iraqi-born architecture icon Zaha Hadid, who designed the center as a series of interlocking, six-sided cells. Construction on the project started in 2009 and, as of 2014, the steel frame has been completed, but it’s currently unclear when the facility will be open for business.

7. Suzhou Zhongnan Center

Construction just recently started on Suzhou, China’s 2,391-foot, 138-story Suzhou Zhongnan Center, meaning there’s still a long, long (long) way to go. But if the pointy, $4.5 billion project is completed on schedule in 2020, it will be the tallest building in China and the third-tallest on earth. The hotel, office, and residential tower will be located beside the nearly-complete 69-story Gate of the Orient, which, as has repeatedly been noted, looks a whole lot like a big pair of pants.

8. Lotte World Tower

Set to hover well above anything else in Seoul, South Korea’s skyline, the Lotte World Tower will top out at 1,824 feet and 123 stories tall when it’s completed in 2016. The building will feature, from the bottom up, retail, offices, apartments, a hotel, and a public observation space on top. It will also notably overtake North Korea’s extraordinary pyramidical Ryugyong Hotel as the largest building on the Korean Peninsula.

9. Dawang Mountain Resort

Sick of hotels that don’t delicately hover between two cliffs over an abandoned quarry and a lake? Changsha, China’s Dawang Mountain Resort should have you covered come 2016. Spreading over 170 meters from end to end, the resort will feature “an entertainment ice world” with indoor skiing, a water park and hanging gardens.

10. Songjiang Hotel

Apparently, luxuriating in structures creatively built around quarries and lakes is the next big thing in high-class Chinese vacationing. Like the Dawang Mountain Resort, the Songjiang Hotel rests quarry-side, but the 19-story Shanghai-adjacent hotel will actually be built directly over the quarry’s walls, with a waterfall flowing over the facade. Oh, and if you don’t have the incredible view from one of the higher floors, you might want to go for one of the bottom two, since they’ll be submerged under water.

10 Oct 11:48

BOODIGGITY!! It’s Foodiggity’s Halloween Gift Guide

by Chris Durso

eggamaticskull-main

Egg-A-Matic Skull Egg Mold [$8.99]

Halloween is just around the corner. And, besides the requisite costumes and candy, you’re going to need some spooky novelty kitchen products too.

Whether you’d like to add some creepiness to breakfast or your cocktail, The Foodiggity Shop will help get you in the spirit. Check out a few items below, and Happy Halloween, y’all.

 

Splash-chopping-board-1

Splash Cutting Board

Hopefully this isn’t a sign of things to come… But, the Splash Cutting Board looks as though it’s bleeding off your countertop.

Designed to remain stable while you work, the surface makes a perfect spot for your cutting needs, or for some extra creative workspace. [$21.99]

 

zombie-ice-mold-lifestyle

Zombie Ice Mold

If you have a scary holiday party coming up that you’ll be drinking at, or you need to make a Bloody Mary a bit creepier, the Zombie Ice Mold is here to help.

Made to look like a severed hand of the living dead, freeze and drop the giant ice sculpture in your drink of choice. Or, make a jiggly jell-o hand to freak out the kids. [$11.99]

 

Legless-Pirate-Corkscrew

Legless Pirate Corkscrew

Do you need to get a bottle opened, me hearties? Well, the Legless Pirate Corkscrew is here to help. Complete with a corkscrew for a leg, and a waiter’s friend and foil cutter for arms — this pirate is ready to open any wine bottle. Use it at your Halloween PAAARTY. [$14.99]

 

sugar-skull-spoon-2

Sugar Skull Spoon

Sweetening your beverage has never been cooler or more macabre, than with the Sugar Skull Spoon. The unique scooping utensil provides the perfect way to eat your cereal — or to sweeten your coffee, tea, or absinthe. [$14.99]

 

bonehead-main

Freaker Bonehead Bottle Sleeve

Dressing like a pirate to your Halloween party? Well then, Mr. Originality… you’ll need a proper drink insulator with the Freaker Bonehead. Made to fit any bottle or can, the koozie will help remind people you’re a pirate. Even though you wore the same costume last year. [$11.99]

 

pirate-bundle

Pirate Bottle Sleeve and Corkscrew Bundle

To help open your beer or wine bottle, the Legless Pirate Corkscrew — complete with bottle opener, corkscrew, waiter’s friend and foil cutter. Then, once your bottle is ready to drink, slip on your Freaker Bonehead Koozie. Dress like pirate and you’ll be a triple treat. [$24.99]

 

10 Oct 05:45

What is this man doing to the horse?

IKEA Monkey

Sometimes I read CNN headlines and my mind goes places

The internet went wild for so-called "horse yoga" -- but it turns out there was something deeper going on that shows how humans can reconnect with the animal world.
10 Oct 05:44

Church: Pastor Confessed He Has AIDS, Slept With Flock

IKEA Monkey

of actual sheep I assume

Juan McFarland has been removed as pastor of Shiloh Missionary Baptist Church in Montgomery.






10 Oct 05:36

Crab Balls From 'Eat: The Little Book of Fast Food'

by Maggie Mariolis
IKEA Monkey

crab balls


Nigel Slater's recipe from his newest cookbook, Eat: The Little Book of Fast Food, is simple and smart. The crab cakes only require throwing a hot chili pepper, a garlic clove, a bit of bread, and a lot of cilantro into a food processor, then combining the mixture with lump crabmeat and mirin. Formed into little balls and pan-fried, they're crisp, crabby, and terrifically aromatic. Read More
10 Oct 05:08

Joe Biden Eats an Ice Cream Cone While Wearing Aviators. Spectacular.

by Kelly Faircloth
IKEA Monkey

JBDGAF

Joe Biden Eats an Ice Cream Cone While Wearing Aviators. Spectacular.

Yesterday, Vice President Joe Biden bought himself an ice cream cone, which he proceeded to eat while wearing aviator sunglasses. Fortunately, an AP photographer was on hand to document this moment in American history.

Read more...








10 Oct 04:30

Self harmony

by Jason Kottke
IKEA Monkey

This is weird and oddly beautiful

Watch and listen as Anna-Maria Hefele demonstrates polyphonic overtone singing, a technique where it sounds as though she's singing two different notes at the same time.

This blew my mind a little, particularly starting around the 3:00 mark, where she actually starts to be more fluid in her singing. (via @anotherny)

Update: See also Tuvan throat singing, Inuk throat singer Tanya Tagaq (who posted a photo online of her infant daughter next to a dead seal, a "sealfie"), and many other cultures who practice overtone singing. (thx, @bmcnely, @ChrisWalks1 & james)

Tags: Anna-Maria Hefele   audio   music   video
10 Oct 03:59

Watch Some High School Boys Totally Lose It During an Epic Rap Battle

by Mark Shrayber
IKEA Monkey

lol their raps are TERRIBLE but the reactions are INSANE

Yes, someone did throw a crutch. Yes, those reactions are unbelievable.

Read more...








10 Oct 03:29

The 12 Best Korean Restaurants In Chicago

by Staff
IKEA Monkey

Cold weather means I'm gonna start hunting for sunduboo and now I know where to go.

The 12 Best Korean Restaurants In Chicago From Bill Kim's mini-empire of "belly" restaurants to the dingiest storefronts in Albany Park, Chicago isn't lacking for good Korean food. [ more › ]






10 Oct 02:27

Retta Loves Older White Men Who Can Dance

by Clover Hope
IKEA Monkey

I would listen to Retta tell stories and just talk about anything, anything at all, all day long.

Retta's live-tweeting skills are the stuff of legend. Legend. On Tuesday's edition of Late Night With Seth Meyers, the Parks & Recreation actress explained the origin of her TV obsession and how it all started with her anxiety while binge-watching Breaking Bad, especially the episodes with the twin assassins. Same.

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10 Oct 00:18

Hatsune Miku Is the First Virtual Pop Star to Perform on Late Night

by Julianne Escobedo Shepherd
IKEA Monkey

da fuck

This is it, people. This is what we've been fighting for all along. Equal representation for virtual pop stars and holograms on television. Hatsune Miku on Letterman! WE MADE IT.

Read more...








08 Oct 03:49

Public Safety Officer Gives Mom A New Car Seat For Her Daughter Instead Of Writing Her A Ticket

by Mary Beth Quirk
IKEA Monkey

Ugh how sad is it that I read the headline and was like "white woman? Yep, white woman."

Keeping everyone safe on the road is part of the job of all local law enforcement, so when a public safety officer in Michigan pulled over a young driver and saw that her child wasn’t strapped into a safety seat, he acted. But instead of writing her a ticket for the lack of a car seat, he brought her to a store and bought one for her.

The officer was making the rounds on his patrol when he pulled over a vehicle for a traffic violation, reports News Channel 3, and he noticed the driver’s five-year-old daughter belted into the backseat, but without a booster seat.

The mom said she knew it was wrong and unsafe not to have her in a car seat, but that she couldn’t afford one right now due to a limited income, and had fallen on hard times recently. Her old car had been repossessed with the car seat inside it.

“He goes, well, meet me at Walmart in 15 minutes,” she remembers.

Once at the Walmart, he went inside and bought a new car seat for her daughter.

“A ticket doesn’t solve the situation,” he explains. “What solves it is the child being a booster seat like she should be. It was the easiest 50 bucks I ever spent.”

The mom says she’s grateful and almost at a loss for words at his generosity.

“He did his job and above and beyond that just to protect a little girl and help a family that can’t help themselves right now,” she said.

Officer gives young mom car seat instead of ticket [News Channel 3]

07 Oct 22:54

Cops Won’t Be Charged For Grenading Baby’s Face Off Because Stuff Happens, You Know?

by Doktor Zoom
IKEA Monkey

fuck this whole thing

A bit of disfiguring trauma is the price of a free society

A bit of disfiguring trauma is the price of a free society

Back in May, we mentioned the Georgia case where cops serving a “no knock” warrant broke into a house and threw a stun grenade into the front room — and into a playpen where a 19-month-old baby was sleeping. The grenade severely burned the baby, detaching his nose from his face and leaving his mouth disfigured. The incident report from the Habersham Sheriff’s Office said that the SWAT team had been told to expect a whole bunch of weapons and drugs and armed resistance; instead, they found no guns or drugs in the home, just a family that had recently moved from Wisconsin and was all living in one room of a relative’s house. The suspect named in the warrant, Wanis Thonetheva, didn’t even live at the house the cops burst into; he was a nephew of the residents and “was arrested later that day without incident and charged only with possession of methamphetamine.”

In a complete vindication of the honesty and good intentions of the Habersham County authorities, a grand jury has declined to charge any of the officers involved in the raid, under the basic principle of law that they meant well, and if people don’t want their children’s faces burned half-off, they should not be poor or live in any area where police might make an honest mistake. Look, stuff happens, and the police need to protect themselves.

The dangerous toddler who interfered with the raid by getting in the way of an exploding stun grenade, Bounkham Phonesavanh, known as “Baby Bou Bou” (so young, and already has a gang nickname! It’s sad, isn’t it?), eventually got out of the hospital, with a severely disfigured face.

The Phonesavanhs’ attorney, Mawuli Davis, said that the family was “devastated” at the news that no officers would be charged; in August, he said that an investigation had shown that the police raid relied on an inaccurate report from an informant that there were no children in the home. Bounkham’s mother, Alecia Phonesavanh, wrote an account of the raid in Salon, noting that the house had children’s toys in the yard, but you can’t expect cops to notice something like that in the middle of a late-night drug raid. Besides, they could have been decoys.

Habersham County refused to cover any of the family’s medical bills, because the county was following a lawful warrant and just keeping its SWAT deputies safe from a thuggish toddler and his frantic, unarmed, screaming, non-drug-hiding parents:

Habersham County’s attorney provided the following statement, saying: “The question before the board was whether it is legally permitted to pay these expenses. After consideration of this question following advice of counsel, the board of commissioners has concluded that it would be in violation of the law for it to do so.”

For heaven’s sake, they wouldn’t want to compound severely injuring a toddler by illegally paying for his multiple plastic surgeries. This is a nation of laws, after all.

Bou Bou before the raid

Donations for little Bou Bou can be made online; the family has moved back to Wisconsin, apparently not appreciating Southern hospitality. It is not known if anyone has set up a matching fund to buy the Habersham County SWAT team some “I Am Darren Wilson” t-shirts.

[Atlanta Journal-Constitution and WSBTV via Gawker / Salon]

07 Oct 22:48

#403 Seeing a really happy dog out for a walk

by nkspas

I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE!

AWESOME!

Photo from: here


06 Oct 01:59

Man Adorably Dogpiled by Piles of Pugs

by Rebecca Rose
IKEA Monkey

david

Is there anything better than being on the receiving end of a giddy puppy pile-on? Maybe winning the lottery—but if I won the lottery the first thing I would probably buy is a giant pile of pugs. So no, no there is probably nothing better than this.

Read more...








05 Oct 17:08

Katy Perry’s Was One Of The Most Bizarre Appearances In ‘College GameDay’ History

by isaacand
IKEA Monkey

Now I know why my friends who normally would probably never talk about Katy Perry were talking about Katy Perry on FB yesterday.

Katy Perry

ESPN


Katy Perry pulled off one of the most memorable guest picker appearances in College GameDay history today at Ole Miss. The pop superstar showed up in a homemade fuzzy pink jersey that was unlike anything we’ve ever seen before. Then she made everyone on set uncomfortable by cracking dick jokes and playing with corn dogs. She capped her appearance by ripping off Lee Corso’s mascot head and throwing corndogs at the camera.

This is your reminder that Katy Perry is the G.O.A.T. Here is a supercut of all the ridiculous things she said/did.

Obligatory Katy Perry collage. Feel free to frame this.

Katy Perry collage

Isaac


[ESPN]


Filed under: Music, Sports, TV Tagged: COLLEGE GAMEDAY, ESPN College GameDay, KATY PERRY, Katy Perry on College Gameday
05 Oct 14:51

A Brief History of Honeybee Colony Collapse

by Chris Higgins
IKEA Monkey

save the pesky bees!

In early 2007, beekeepers in the U.S. began to notice an alarming problem: their bees were disappearing. In many cases, colonies would empty out overnight, the workers abandoning their posts, leaving the queen alone (or nearly so). In the years since, scientists and beekeepers have worked together to isolate the causes of what we now call "Colony Collapse Disorder." Although there's no single cause, this ten-minute report from The New York Times (part of their excellent Retro Report series) looks back at pesticides, parasites, pathogens, and the worker bees' penchant for "altruistic suicide." Have a look:

Read more about this story from The New York Times in The Head-Scratching Case of the Vanishing Bees. Also check out my 2011 review of Queen of the Sun, a full-length documentary about the issue.

03 Oct 17:46

Great Job, Internet!: Attention heathens: Here’s a helpful instructional video just in case you’re ”left behind”

by Marah Eakin
IKEA Monkey

people really do believe this tuff

With Left Behind lifting Nic Cage and the movie going masses to a higher (or shittier…) plane today, it seems like the perfect time to delve into the somewhat weird world of the actual religious people who believe this stuff. Everything Is Terrible has been doing the lord’s work all week with its rapture series (Full disclosure: A.V. Club staffer Katie Rife is part of the EIT crew), but we’re especially partial to a clip the group posted to its Facebook today entitled “Have You Been Left Behind?” A production of the New Hope Village Church, the video’s meant to be watched “only after the disappearance of God’s people from the Earth.” In other words, if you’re watching this video, you’re shit out of God’s luck. The pastor discusses martial law, what’s going to happen to those who have been left ...

03 Oct 17:00

Subway Reminds Women to Stay Thin For Slutty Halloween Costumes

by Kara Brown
IKEA Monkey

oh, Subway.

Hey ladaaays, because you've got your priorities straight, I know you've already got your Slutoween costumes on deck because Halloween is the only night of the year where it's acceptable for the ladyfolk to show some skin. But how's that body looking? Is it banging enough? Luckily Subway is here to help ensure that you don't scare the children with any fat rolls while you're roaming the streets in a sexy nurse costume.

Read more...








03 Oct 16:25

Permanent Records: With Wildflowers, Tom Petty took brilliant advantage of a clean slate

by David Brusie
IKEA Monkey

I really love Wildflowers. 1994 was a pretty important year for me in my own life and a lot of this album was the soundtrack to a lot of big changes.

Permanent Records is an ongoing closer look at the records that matter most.

For Tom Petty, 1994 was a year of transitions. His contract at MCA had just come to a close with the massively successful Greatest Hits (and its blockbuster single, “Mary Jane’s Last Dance”) and drummer Stan Lynch acrimoniously left The Heartbreakers. Moreover, Petty’s marriage was steadily crumbling and, after two hit records with Jeff Lynne, he was looking for a new producer. For Petty, however, it wasn’t an excuse to take some time off. It was a clean slate.

Enter producer Rick Rubin. According to Runnin’ Down A Dream, the companion book to Peter Bogdanovich’s excellent documentary film of the same name, Rubin had always wanted to work with Petty. “I’d been aware of Tom’s music my whole life,” said Rubin. “It has always been there. I must have listened to ...

30 Sep 18:59

Columnist Believes the Penalty for Abortion Should Be Death By Hanging

by Erin Gloria Ryan
IKEA Monkey

this guy literally thinks women pee out of their butts.

Columnist Believes the Penalty for Abortion Should Be Death By Hanging

A National Review columnist who has made a career out of failing to be Ann Coulter made some bowties spin this weekend with comments that because he believes abortion is murder, all of the whorebags who get them should be hanged just like in the old Wild West.

Read more...








30 Sep 01:17

The Man Who Turned Cannonball Dives into a Sport

by Honza Bílý
IKEA Monkey

super nope

Everyone knows how to do a cannonball, or at least everyone who spent his summers splashing around in his local pool trying to impress girls. But does the world's easiest dive become a legitimate sport if you add a gang of German adrenaline junkies, a dose of acrobatic skills, and a 30-foot-high diving platform to it?

Splash diving is a freestyle discipline in which your task isn't to slice elegantly into the water without disturbing the surface but the opposite: the bigger the splash, the better.

It sounds easy, but it's not. Just like any other sport, splashing has its own established rules. To find out more, I got in touch with splash-diving champion and holder of several Guinness World Records, Christian Guth.

VICE: One could say you are one of the founders of the sport—how would you define splash diving?
Christian Guth:
I have been practicing splash diving for a decade now, and it's still hard to define. The closest traditional sport to splash diving is probably Olympic diving, only we do it freestyle and splash on purpose.



How did the sport get started?
It all started with a bunch of friends hanging out at the local swimming pool in Bayreuth, trying to get the attention of some local ladies. We had a diving platform at our disposal, and we wanted to set ourselves apart from regular divers. One summer afternoon it crossed our minds to try a cannonball dive from the platform, and when we found out that it hurt much less than it seemed, we got hooked. We started adding different variations of somersaults and twists, and little by little we found out that it was not just a hobby—it could be a new discipline.

It really doesn't hurt?
Well, splash diving is like boxing. When you get in the ring for the first time and get hit with two well-aimed left hooks from the local champion, you will probably be crying about it for the rest of the week. But by your 20th match, you will probably know how to avoid the blow or to block it, and if you get hit you are better equipped to take it. It is the same with splash diving—with a bit of training you can get your body ready almost for anything.

Can you make a living out of splash diving?
For the first five or six years I didn't really, but it's been a couple of years now that I am trying to pay the bills with splash diving. I took a class in event management in order to combine a sport that I love with work, and I can now say that in the summer months I live like a king. In the winter, it is a bit trickier. From time to time I have to take a part-time job or freelance to be able to pay the rent.

How many splash divers do you think there are?
If I had to guess I would say something between 500 and 1,000, but you'd have to separate those who take part in competitions from those who just love splashing around at a local pool, without ever having heard it is actually a sport.

How do you score in splash diving? I suppose the amount of water you splash out is what matters.
Exactly, but it is not just about that. Even though it's a freestyle discipline, it is mandatory for every contestant to announce his or her dives in advance.

There are four dives: In the first one you are not allowed to perform any acrobatic figures, because it is all about the splash. Every other dive has its own degree of difficulty depending on the number of somersaults, twists, and positions. For example, a double somersault with half twist and a board position during the landing has a degree of difficulty of 2.7. This number is multiplied by the sum of marks from six judges. The highest and the lowest marks are discarded.

The judges assess three parts of the dive: takeoff, overall execution, and landing. For different freestyle elements (handstand, palm flip, or a grab) you get a different mark—from one to ten—from every judge. And of course, the more you splash the better. Points for each dive are added and the diver with the highest score wins. It is quite simple, really.

30 Sep 01:00

Newswire: Kickstarter’s potato salad guy threw a $55,000 potato salad party

by Sean O'Neal
IKEA Monkey

Well, good for him. Turned a meme into genuine charity.

Over the summer, a Kickstarter campaign launched by Zack Brown briefly captured the world’s imagination and scorn, which are two of the key ingredients for potato salad. (Also important: disappointment and mayonnaise.) And while his bid for crowdsourced support to make the popular side dish ballooned into more than $55,000 in donations—as well as a debate over whether Internet crowdfunding has finally gone too far—Brown’s intentions remained pure. He insisted that it would remain all about the potato salad and the people. And on Saturday, he delivered on that promise.

Brown’s PotatoStock took place in Columbus, where folks gathered to sample local food trucks, live music, and potato sack races, as well as lots and lots of potato salad, created with more than 3,000 pounds of potatoes. Even better, all of those potatoes were donated by some of the many corporate sponsors Brown ...

30 Sep 00:07

Find the Solution to Any Stain with This Searchable Database

by Patrick Allan
IKEA Monkey

Handy

Find the Solution to Any Stain with This Searchable Database

Nobody likes a big ugly stain on their carpet or clothing. This searchable database has stain solutions for everything from automotive oil to mustard.

Read more...








27 Sep 20:11

Kim Jong Un not seen in weeks

IKEA Monkey

"On Thursday, North Korean state TV referred to Kim, saying, "The wealth and prosperity of our socialism is thanks to the painstaking efforts of our marshal, who keeps lighting the path for the people, like the flicker of a flame, despite suffering from discomfort.""

North Korea is bonkers

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un hasn't been seen at a public event for three weeks, including a prominent meeting he has attended every year since coming to power in 2011.
27 Sep 17:50

Feds Tells Ferguson to Ban 'Darren Wilson' Bracelets

IKEA Monkey

Every time I read about Ferguson I'm like, is this real life

The Justice Department said letting police wear bracelets supporting the officer who killed Michael Brown adds to an "us versus them" mentality.
26 Sep 13:45

Great Job, Internet!: Eugene Mirman’s Flotsam General Store skewers artisanal everything

by Katie Rife

The Internet is one of the few things that doesn’t have an organic alternative, although the second someone figures out how to sell artisanal wireless routers, they will. Brooklyn, for better or for worse, is the epicenter of the artisanal movement, offering high-quality (and high-priced) alternatives to everything from mayonnaise to beef jerky for well-heeled residents who prefer to know the name of the chicken they’re about to eat.

Comedians Eugene Mirman and H. Jon Benjamin live in Brooklyn, which means they are uniquely qualified to make fun of pompous foodie types. They’ve done so with Flotsam, “A Post-Structural Online Shopping Experience” that launched quietly during the Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival over the weekend. From their mission statement, which says nothing and everything all at once:

“From a rocky perch, a figure stands watching the waves crash in eternal repetition. Is he looking for something or is ...