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08 May 19:22

America Has the Most Climate Deniers In the West, Survey Finds

by Rob Dozier
IKEA Monkey

My depression worsens every single day

America has the highest rate of human-driven climate change denial in any Western country, according to a new survey.

Thirteen percent of Americans agree with the sentiment that climate change is real, “but human activity is not responsible at all,” according to the survey, The Guardian noted. Of Americans who identified as “very right-wing” to YouGov, 52 percent expressed that they thought global warming was a hoax, a conspiracy theory perpetuated by President Donald Trump.

The US is only led by Saudi Arabia in climate change denial, with 16 percent of respondents from the US ally and the world’s largest oil exporter denying the effects of humans on the climate, and Indonesia at 18 percent, according to The Guardian.

The survey was conducted by YouGov, a data analytics and research firm based in the UK as a part of the YouGov-Cambridge Globalism Project, a collaboration between YouGov, researchers from the University of Cambridge, and The Guardian.

More than 25,000 people across Europe, Africa, Asia and the Americas were surveyed. The research team asked questions about food, travel, technology, immigration, cultural beliefs and the environment to explore global attitudes about populism and globalization.

The consensus among climate scientists is that human-driven climate change is very real. This week, the UN released the summary of a new report that suggested one million different species on Earth are at risk of extinction due to the actions of humans, and that humans are accelerating extinctions at an unprecedented rate.

The news isn’t all bad, though. YouGov found that the majority of people across the world agree that climate change is real, and that humans play a role in causing it, The Guardian noted. Even in America, 40 percent of respondents said humans were at least partly responsible for climate change, and a third said humans were the dominant cause.

It’s a start, but time is running out for the climate.

Listen to CYBER, Motherboard’s new weekly podcast about hacking and cybersecurity.

08 May 19:21

Throw Out Old Canisters of PAM Immediately

by Claire Lower on Skillet, shared by Claire Lower to Lifehacker

Over half a dozen people are suing Conagra after sustaining injuries allegedly resulting from exploding cans of cooking spray. According to USA Today, the injuries are pretty serious—in addition to burns, one person was blinded in one eye. According to the Chicago Tribune, Conagra removed the can from “active…

Read more...

08 May 15:49

TN Speaker's Racist Sexist COS Now Unemployed POS

by Stephen Robinson
IKEA Monkey

I'm sure Trump will offer him a full pardon and a cabinet position soon



Tennessee House Speaker Glen Casada's chief of staff Cade Cothren resigned Monday night, and it wasn't just because he'd allegedly tried to frame a black student activist. It turns out Cothren has a repulsive history of sending racist and sexist text messages. He's also made gross advances toward former interns, lobbyists, and campaign staffers. He's a full deck of House of Cards.

The text messages are from 2014 to 2016. Cothren was the House Republicans' press secretary at the time, so in theory he should've known a better way to communicate with people. Cothren also seems to think three to five years ago is the distant past.

COTHREN: I'm just not the same guy that I was several years back. I was young and dumb and immature. There's no excuse for it at all, and I'm not trying to make excuses, but I can tell you that I have changed since then... While I'm not proud of who I was in the past, I am proud that, with God's grace and a strong support system, I've been able to achieve so much in the years since.

We normally believe that "existence precedes essence" but Cothren's actual existence is putrid and slimy. Texts show that Cothren requested oral sex and nude photos from interns like he was using a pervert's GrubHub. He told a lobbyist that he'd be up for sleeping with an older woman (charming). He also asked an intern about her underwear and orgasms. He could've just called a phone sex line, but he probably enjoyed exerting his dominance over women in the workplace. He's an asshole is all we're saying.


Cothren also confessed Monday to having snorted coke in his office at the Capitol. He also used other drugs but not in the legislative offices out of respect to cocaine. He claims this is part of his "personal testimony," which he now "readily admits" after News Channel 5 confronted him with texts where he boasted about all this like a moron. He claims his drug use negatively impacted his relationships and job performance (well, duh). Speaker Casada fully supported Cothren when he confided his troubles to him.

"Politics has become a game of 'gotcha' with no thought of forgiveness and starting anew," Casada said in the statement.

"I choose to believe that we all deserve a shot at redemption. I gave Mr. Cothren this chance to prove himself, and that's exactly what he has done."

That's really quite moving. Casada, by the way, supports drug testing for welfare recipients. The speaker claims Cothren sought "counseling" but Cothren confirms the "counseling" didn't include rehab or addiction treatment specifically, which is why we keep putting quotes around "counseling." Cothren went on to become Casada's chief of staff in January. He earned $199,800 a year (or would've if he'd served a full year). That was a $130,000 raise from his previous salary. If that seems excessive, you just haven't paid attention to the rising costs of cocaine.

Casada seems like the best boss ever -- more like a dad, really. Or, you know, someone implicated in Cothren's grossness who had compelling reasons to keep him close and happy. Texts from the period reveal that Casada was a willing Beavis to Cothren's Butt-head.

In July 2016, Cothren shared a photo of an upside down woman standing next to a pole. He shared the picture with Casada, who said, "What about some pole dancing!!!"

Cothren referred to the woman as "wife material" before Casada asked, "Can I just touch????"

Cothren replied, "Lol maybe just once."

Casada was married at the time. Also: Ewww. And it gets worse. If you're doing coke in your office while reading, now's a good time for another snort.

In August 2016, Cothren texted Casada about a sexual encounter he had with a woman.

"Just so y'all know, I did f—k (woman) in the bathroom at party fowl," he said, referring to the Party Fowl restaurant. "Will send pictures later."

Casada responded: "Only gone for 60 seconds," adding, "R u a minute man???;)"

Cothren said, "Yes, I take after you. Like father like son."

Casada replied, "Lolol! If I'm happy, then all is good!!!!!"

There's really nothing more pathetic than two grown men "bragging" about their inability to pleasure a woman. Casada didn't seem to find anything disturbing about these highly offensive messages. He even joined in! Casada also "joked" that "Those girls aren't safe!!!" in a separate text exchange with another person.

During a radio interview this morning, Casada claimed he was a changed man who's "embarrassed" by his past statements, which he'd like to stress are in the past.

CASADA: In the last couple of years, I have come to realize ... I can't do this and it is not appropriate behavior.

Really? Did this happen while Casada was protecting men accused of sexual misconduct? Tennessee state Rep. David Byrd admitted on tape to inappropriate contact with female players he coached. Casada promoted him to chair of an education subcommittee.

CASADA: So, yes, I participated in locker-room talk with two adult men that was not intended to go to anyone else, and I was wrong. In the last several years, that kind of talk has not entered and left my mouth.

Locker room talk? Are you fucking kidding us? These also weren't just gross texts between two gross men. Cothren and Casada worked together. Casada was Cothren's boss. The legislature's sexual harassment policy requires that anyone with knowledge of misconduct should immediately contact the House and Senate speaker. Casada should've reported Cothren and himself to himself.

People are rightly calling on Casada to resign. Republican Gov. Bill Lee has remained MIA during all this and refuses to comment. Maybe he's busy reviewing his old text messages. Regardless, Casada claimed today that he enjoys "overwhelming support" from his party.

CASADA: They are proud to have someone in charge that is leading in a direction of making Tennessee the most conservative state - and that's defined as keeping government out of your way and keeping more money in your back pocket.

They don't seem to define the "most conservative state" as one that demonstrates any respect for women or minorities. That's not a shock.

[NewsChannel5 / Tennessean]

Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter.

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08 May 02:08

Top Republican McConnell: 'Case closed' on Trump-Russia probe

IKEA Monkey

They got shit on McConnell too you just know it

Top Republican McConnell: 'Case closed' on Trump-Russia probeMitch McConnell, the top Republican in the US Congress, said Tuesday it was "case closed" regarding the special counsel's report on Russian interference and urged Democrats to drop their investigations of President Donald Trump. The Senate majority leader laid out his argument for turning from "unhinged partisanship" and paralysis after a 2016 election that did not go Democrats' way to cooperating on legislation now that the two-year investigation has run its course. Democrats "told everyone there had been a conspiracy between Russia and the Trump campaign, yet on this special question, the special counsel's finding is case closed," McConnell said in a floor speech.


07 May 19:45

Bye!

by By The Animal Kingdom

So you’ve probably heard about the new report saying human-caused climate change is putting about a million different species of animals and plants at risk of extinction, and we just wanted to pop on over and say that it’s true, a lot of us are on our way out the door.

Read more...

07 May 17:35

Met Gala 2019: Christian Siriano, Viktor & Rolf, Thom Browne, Burberry, and The Blonds All Really Brought It

by Jessica
IKEA Monkey

omg Ezra Miller's makeup is making me dizzy

Some of these are really REALLY good.
07 May 12:42

New NRA president: Congresswoman was elected because she's 'a minority female'

IKEA Monkey

The NRA is a dying, wounded animal and it should be put out of its misery

New National Rifle Association President Carolyn Meadows said Rep. Lucy McBath was elected not because of her support of stricter gun laws, but because she is "a minority female," according to the Marietta Daily Journal.
06 May 21:54

Nurse denied marathon world record because she wasn't wearing a skirt

A woman who wanted to break the Guinness World Record for running a marathon dressed as a nurse has been told her successful attempt does not count -- because she was wearing scrubs and pants, rather than a skirt.
06 May 14:35

Illinois marijuana legalization bill would allow possession up to 30 grams, 5 plants grown at home

by Robert McCoppin
IKEA Monkey

Let's do it

A proposed law to legalize recreational use of marijuana in Illinois would allow possession of up to 30 grams of the plant for residents 21 and over, a $20 million low-interest loan program to promote “social equity” in business ownership, and expungement of misdemeanor and Class 4 felony marijuana...

06 May 14:19

AirPods Are a Tragedy

by Caroline Haskins

Future Relics is a column about the objects that our society is currently making, and how they may explain our lives to future generations. In each article, we'll focus on one item that could conceivably be discovered by someone 1,000 years from now, and try to explain where this item came from, where it's going, and what its existence explains about our current moment.

AirPods are a product of the past.

They're plastic, made of some combination of carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, chlorine, and sulfur. They’re tungsten, tin, tantalum, lithium, and cobalt.

The particles that make up these elements were created 13.8 billion years ago, during the Big Bang. Humans extract these elements from the earth, heat them, refine them. As they work, humans breathe in airborne particles, which deposit in their lungs. The materials are shipped from places like Vietnam, South Africa, Kazakhstan, Peru, Mexico, Indonesia, and India, to factories in China. A literal city of workers creates four tiny computing chips and assembles them into a logic board. Sensors, microphones, grilles, and an antenna are glued together and packaged into a white, strange-looking plastic exoskeleton.

These are AirPods. They’re a collection of atoms born at the dawn of the universe, churned beneath the surface of the earth, and condensed in an anthropogenic parallel to the Big Crunch—a proposed version of the death of the universe where all matter shrinks and condenses together. Workers are paid unlivable wages in more than a dozen countries to make this product possible. Then it’s sold by Apple, the world’s first trillion-dollar company, for $159 USD.

For roughly 18 months, AirPods play music, or podcasts, or make phone calls. Then the lithium-ion batteries will stop holding much of a charge, and the AirPods will slowly become unusable. They can’t be repaired because they're glued together. They can’t be thrown out, or else the lithium-ion battery may start a fire in the garbage compactor. They can’t be easily recycled, because there’s no safe way to separate the lithium-ion battery from the plastic shell. Instead, the AirPods sit in your drawer forever.

Kyle Wiens, CEO of iFixit, which does electronics teardowns and sells repair tools and parts, told Motherboard that AirPods are “evil.” According to the headphones review team at Rtings.com, AirPods are "below-average" in terms of sound quality. According to people on every social media platform, AirPods are a display of wealth.

But more than a pair of headphones, AirPods are an un-erasable product of culture and class. People in working or impoverished economic classes are responsible for the life-threatening, exhaustive, violent work of removing their parts from the ground and assembling them. Meanwhile, people in the global upper class design and purchase AirPods.

1557103321339-Screen-Shot-2019-05-05-at-84136-PM
Image: Screenshot from Twitter/@dnanian

Even if you only own AirPods for a few years, the earth owns them forever. When you die, your bones will decompose in less than a century, but the plastic shell of AirPods won’t decompose for at least a millennia. Thousands of years in the future, if human life or sentient beings exist on earth, maybe archaeologists will find AirPods in the forgotten corners of homes. They’ll probably wonder why they were ever made, and why so many people bought them. But we can also ask ourselves those same questions right now.

Why did we make technology that will live for 18 months, die, and never rot?

THE SOCIAL LIFE OF AIRPODS

AirPods aren’t the most expensive pair of wireless earbuds on the market. Some luxury wireless earbuds cost upwards of $730. Other companies like Sennheiser sell wireless earbuds for $300. Bose sells its pair for about $200.

Mark Henny, the head of headphone reviews for Rtings.com, said that the AirPods offer a lot of value for the price point despite a rating of "below average" sound quality. “You also have much cheaper models, but for the quality of the craftsmanship of the AirPods, from the case to the actual earbuds, and also for the reliable wireless connection, the battery life—the price of the AirPods is actually pretty fair,” Henny told Motherboard.

And yet, at least on social media, AirPods have become a meme that automatically inducts owners into the bourgeoisie.

Part of the joke may have to do with the fact that AirPods are, well, tiny. They’re incredibly easy to lose, or accidentally launder with your clothes. By virtue of their size alone, AirPods are a risky purchase. AirPods communicate that you can afford to buy them, but also lose them.

There’s an irony here, since you can’t ethically or practically repair, recycle, or throw away AirPods. They’re two small, untethered objects that hang from a person's ear and are designed to be worn at any time—especially when you’re commuting, walking, or exercising. Lots of people lose their AirPods.

But let’s say you don’t lose your AirPods, and instead, you throw them in the trash when they stop holding their charge. The AirPods don’t just go away. They become someone else’s problem. Then, long after you’re dead, AirPods will still be sitting, and not decomposing, in the crust of the earth.

Owning AirPods embodies what it means to be “rich” in the same way as this picture of Kanye West haphazardly holding his laptop.

Before, the idea of expendable wealth was limited to the likes of multimillionaires like West. But now, AirPods have normalized the idea that anyone can demonstrate expendable wealth to the world. If you’re “courageous” enough to invest in a pair of AirPods, there’s a sense that losing them is not a big deal. On TikTok, this sentiment fueled a meme in which people pretend to flush their AirPods down the toilet.

Another common AirPod meme is some iteration of “Oh my god, they have AirPods in, they can’t hear us, oh my god,” featuring a picture of someone approaching a life-ending situation. The joke suggests that people who wear AirPods act as if they’re celebrities, detached and elevated from their environment, and too good to listen to those around them. In reality, AirPods have pretty poor noise isolation (Rtings.com gave AirPods a grim score of 3.6 out of 10 on that quality.)

The meme also suggests that people who wear AirPods never want to take them off. They want to show the world that they’re wealthy, even if it leads to their demise. It’s a way of poking fun at the rich and labeling their lives as disposable.

1556917010884-louis-xvi-the-guiltine-is-comingoh-my-god-he-has-airpods-he-cant-hear-us-oh-my-CglkE
Image: Dopl3r.com.

Compared to other wireless earbuds, AirPods are visually distinct. While many brands opt for subtlety and make their earbuds black and antennaless, Apple made a product that looks like the head of an electric toothbrush.

Early AirPod reviews called the product “dorky” and described its appearance as “controversial.” But even if AirPods are strange-looking, they’re incredibly conspicuous and instantly recognizable. Being willing to ignore the weird appearance of AirPods makes a statement: if you’re okay with overlooking how strange-looking they are, then you must be somewhat proud to be wearing them.

In reality, most people aren’t actively trying to make a statement by wearing AirPods. Practically speaking, there are valid reasons to own AirPods: Unlike other Bluetooth headphones, they connect instantly to the iPhone. Also, since Apple removed the headphone jack, normal wired headphones can only be used with a small, easy-to-lose dongle (or Apple’s proprietary Lightning headphones.)

Some people have actively embraced the distinct appearance of AirPods. For instance, Twitter user @bloodorgy made AirPod earrings called “Airrings,” which she’s selling for $20.

Dozens of Etsy merchants sell knock-off cases for AirPods featuring the logos of luxury companies like Gucci, Louis Vuitton, and Supreme. (All of these products are counterfeit. None of these companies actually make AirPod accessories that fall within the Apple canon of official products.)

1556917144924-gucci
Image: Screenshot from a now-removed Etsy listing of $36 Supreme casing for an AirPod case.

AirPod owners often acknowledge the status that AirPods project, but resist the notion that they demonstrate disposable wealth, or wealth generally. “I go to a very spoiled school, which is partly why I wanted AirPods, so I'd fit in better,” Reddit user CrispViolet, who identified as Ally, told Motherboard. Ally has posted in the AirPod-focused subreddit, r/airpods.

Ally also said that they don’t think AirPods demonstrate wealth. “Some of my friends don't have AirPods because they have more expensive headphones used for gaming,” Ally said. “I do find the memes funny though, and honestly the AirPod sound isn't very good, as it should be for its price.”

Another redditor, weab00, told Motherboard in a direct message that they got AirPods for Christmas. “There’s definitely something to be said about how it makes you look basic and like you want to be trendy, but I personally use them for their convenience.”

“In fact, sometimes I get a bit self conscious because I’m afraid people will think I’m bougie, which is partly because Reddit can be pretty toxic about them,” they added. “They’re so common that wearing them is not even a flex at this point. Literally everyone is LA has a pair.”

The disposability of AirPods mirrors the fact that they were built upon disposable labor.

Disposable labor refers to the workers who are subject to the whims of what capitalists call the “invisible hand of the market.” When there’s demand for a product or service, these people have work. When there isn’t, these people don’t. These could be contractors, part-time workers, or low-wage blue collar workers who are treated like a “replaceable part of the production process,” as explained by socialist writers Fred and Harry Magdoff in an article for the Monthly Review.

Every electronic product is the culmination of international labor from mines, refinery facilities, and assembly facilities, usually from underpaid workers. Thousands and thousands of people work in dozens of countries around the world—including, but not limited to, Brazil, Indonesia, Taiwan, Thailand, China, Malaysia, Brazil, Bolivia, Peru, India, the Philippines, Mexico, Kazakhstan, Vietnam, Russia, Japan, Germany, Belgium, Estonia, Macedonia, Korea, Canada, and Netherlands—in order to extract and refine the materials used to make modern electronics.

There’s a human cost to all of this. Consider Foxconn—the Chinese company that assembles an estimated half of all iPhones, according to Business Insider, as well as other Apple products. (Luxshare and Investec assemble AirPods.) Foxconn has a factory in Zhengzhou that’s sometimes referred to as “iPhone City.” According to reporting by Business Insider from May 2018, about 350,000 people work in these facilities. Salaries start at $300 per month. And for years, Apple sourced cobalt and tantalum—which are used to power lithium-ion batteries and protect conductors on logic boards, respectively—from the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC). Only after extensive reports of child labor, worker injuries, and worker deaths did Apple stop sourcing these materials from small mines in the DRC specifically.

Consumers aren’t supposed to know or think about these stories. Apple doesn’t want us to know the details of the supply chain.

Marx argued that commodities—or products meant to satisfy “wants”—don’t derive their value from their use. That’s because by definition, they aren’t necessary for basic survival. Rather, they derive value from the invisible labor that goes into making them. Apple’s products take value from dirt, blood, sweat, and tears you don’t see on its clean, white packaging. They take value from human aches, pains, and fatigue.

Commodities like AirPods are social products. AirPods display the social message of wealth because AirPods derive their value from the invisible, social chain of production that’s necessary to make them in the first place.

APPLE’S STORY OF THE AIRPOD

According to Apple, AirPods are part of a larger vision for a “wireless future.” The Apple website introduces AirPods by stating, "Wireless headphones. Finally untangled." Wires, Apple argues, are a burden. Thus, AirPods are a product of liberation.

It’s true that wires are, arguably, annoying. They get tangled. They snag on things. They flap around when you’re exercising. The plastic casing around the wires are often prone to tearing, exposing the wire, and rendering the headphones useless. But Apple’s sales pitch of liberation is not so straightforward. AirPods were introduced in 2016 alongside the debut of the iPhone 7 and 7 Plus, which eliminated the headphone jack. The earbuds are designed to seamlessly switch from iPhone to MacBook to Apple Watch, depending on which device you’re using.

Thus, AirPods strategically glue together an ecosystem of luxury products. They are only so “convenient” because, by eliminating the headphone jack, Apple made the iPhone less user-friendly.

Destroying the mild nuisance of headphone jacks comes at two costs: One, it locks people into a system of limited, compatible, proprietary products that are inevitably going to die in a few years. And two, it creates a dilemma at the product’s end of life. If you try to recycle AirPods, a worker at a recycling plant will have to engage in the risky and mundane task of separating the glued-in lithium-ion battery from the plastic. If you try to throw AirPods away, you run the risk of starting a fire in a garbage compactor facility. And if AirPods wind up in a landfill, the earth will embed the earbuds into its crust for at least a thousand years.

AirPods were destined to become e-waste from the moment they were manufactured. And AirPods become e-waste after just eighteen months, when the irreplaceable lithium ion battery dies.

“I would put this in the planned obsolescence category of products, but it’s not really planned obsolescence, it’s planned failure,” Wiens told Motherboard. “When they made these products, they knew they were only gonna last for 18 months. They didn’t put that on the outside of the box, knowing that the battery is not replaceable, and here we are.”

AirPods are disposable products that are also impossible to throw away.

Sound has always been important to Apple—at least, from a marketing perspective. The company fundamentally changed music distribution with the creation of the iPod and the digital music marketplace iTunes, which fueled the proliferation of the MP3. Bright white headphones were the focal point of iPod advertisements through the mid-2000s.

But Apple has never sold AirPods as the best-sounding headphones in the world. In a two-minute AirPod promotional video, the actual audio quality of the product isn’t mentioned until the second-to-last sentence. (“And of course, the new wireless AirPods deliver incredible sound.”) The core of Apple’s AirPods marketing is the fact that they’re wireless.

“There’s so much technology packed into each AirPod,” Apple's vice president of marketing Philip Schiller said when he first introduced AirPods. “There’s the chip, there’s the dual accelerometers, optical sensors, beamforming microphones, antennas, batteries—it is a technical tour de force in this minute little AirPod.”

What makes AirPods perform better with iPhones than other wireless headphones is its W1 wireless chip, which does three things:

  • It helps the earbuds communicate with your phone, computer, and with each other.
  • It enables fast device pairing, without needing to go into iOS system preferences.
  • It makes AirPods compatible with Siri, and able to make phone calls.

But the underlying technology that makes AirPods possible is Bluetooth (or using radio waves to send data like sound from device to device). Jim Kardach—a now-retired Intel employee who gave “Bluetooth” its name—told Motherboard that Bluetooth was conceived to be “your people’s wireless,” since Bluetooth capabilities are so cheap. Yet companies that want to sell luxury often sell Bluetooth technology as if it’s expensive.

Apple did not return Motherboard's requests for comment.

Kardach told Motherboard that he thinks about this when he sees advertisements for luxury cars advertising built-in Bluetooth. “This Jaguar is a super expensive car and they can brag about almost anything,” Kardach said. “The cost of putting that Bluetooth radio into the Jaguar probably cost them about a dollar, yet it’s one of the three things that they talk about when they advertise.”

AirPods have a regular Bluetooth antenna in the stalk below the earbud area. In and of itself, it’s straightforward wireless technology that’s been around for twenty years.

HARALD BLUETOOTH, SON OF GORM

Kardach named Bluetooth technology after Harald Bluetooth, a Viking king who ruled Denmark in the first century AD. According to Kardach, the goal of Bluetooth technology was to unite radio, cellular, and digital technologies. Similarly, King Bluetooth united ancient Denmark and Norway, creating one Scandinavian kingdom.

“I went to my marketing guy and I said, ‘hey, we should call this program Bluetooth,’ he says ‘you’re crazy,’” Kardach said. “I said, ‘Yeah, look at this runing stone.’ I had outlined Harald Bluetooth in a Sharpie. I had scanned it and printed it out and outlined it with a Sharpie and he said, ‘Ooh that’s good. Can you put a cellphone and a notebook in his hand?’ And I drew a cellphone and a notebook. And he said ‘Oh that’s perfect, we’ve gotta do this.’”

1556917202865-Screen-Shot-2019-05-03-at-45948-PM
Image: Jim Kardach

Bluetooth technology was inspired by archaeology, and stories of the past. Now, it’s being used to create products like AirPods: Technology that was designed to live for a few months, stop working, and sit in the earth long after we’re gone.

Of course, AirPods aren’t unique. Many of the products that we use daily were built to become trash, and eventually fossils. Single-use plastics—like water bottles, coffee cups, plastic packaging—are cheap for companies and convenient for consumers. They also, largely, end up floating in the ocean and littering ocean floors. Some scientists have even started to refer to the present as the Plasticine. Electronics are no different. For companies like Apple, product repairability hurts the bottom line, so the company has lobbied against right-to-repair efforts and collaborated with Amazon to boot iPhone and Macbook refurbishers off the Amazon marketplace.

On a global scale, our economic system is predicated on a disregard for longevity, because it’s more profitable for companies to make products that die than it is to make products that last.

So sure, AirPods aren’t the most expensive earbuds on the market, and the jokes that the product is a display of wealth are largely tongue-in-cheek. But in truth, AirPods are a symbol of wealth. They’re physical manifestations of a global economic system that allows some people to buy and easily lose $160 headphones, and leaves other people at risk of death to produce those products. If AirPods are anything, they’re future fossils of capitalism.

06 May 06:05

An Ex-Priest Accused of Sexually Abusing a Teen Will Keep His Job as a Middle School Teacher

by Emily Alford
IKEA Monkey

"Why don't women come forward when men rape them?"

An arbitrator in New Jersey has ruled that an ex-priest who was removed from the ministry amid allegations he sexually abused and impregnated a 14-year-old parishioner should keep his teaching job at a middle school because school administration has been aware of the abuse for the past 17 years.

Read more...

04 May 13:36

Zac Efron's Ted Bundy movie is an interesting, ambitious misfire

by A.A. Dowd on Film, shared by A.A. Dowd to The A.V. Club
IKEA Monkey

When Corey and I first started dating, we had an inside joke about High School Musical that only made sense to the two of us. It was dumb but sweet, and especially stupid considering neither of us had actually seen a High School Musical movie. Zac Efron got his real fame jumpstart in those movies so, for some dumb reason, Corey and I sort of passively notice what Zac is up to when we see it in the news, because of the aforementioned inside joke from when we were a-courting.

Tonight I told him about Zac being in this clearly misguided (but apparently long in the works?!) movie, and he said to me, "This is a bad idea, but hear me out. There was a Mcconaissance. And very soon, there will be a Zac Efronnaissance."

And I nearly fell off the couch due to the combination of 1) how hilarious my husband is but also 2) how right he is. Zac's not gonna win any awards for this flaming garbage pile but you know what? He'll have his Dallas Buyers Club someday. He'll have his True Detective. He'll shill for Lincoln automobiles. Alright alright alright.

You could make a very violent, extreme, sensationalistic movie about Ted Bundy, notorious rapist and serial killer. Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil And Vile is not that movie. Named for remarks made by the judge who sentenced Bundy to death in 1979, the film takes a provocatively unintuitive approach to its…

Read more...

04 May 13:32

Barry, not Game Of Thrones or Endgame, gave us last weekend’s best fight

by Dan Neilan on News, shared by Dan Neilan to The A.V. Club
IKEA Monkey

Yes. YES. Oh my god this show is INSANE and this ENTIRE EPISODE was a masterpiece and should be held up as high as one of the best episodes of TV ever.

Last weekend got pretty violent. In movie theaters, an absurd number of superheroes faced off against their ultimate foe in a battle to end all battles while, on the Home Box Office, a band of unlikely compatriots defended their homeland against an army of magical ice zombies. In a word, it was epic. Do you know what…

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04 May 13:31

Chris Kattan says he broke his neck while filming a Saturday Night Live sketch back in 2001

by William Hughes on News, shared by William Hughes to The A.V. Club
IKEA Monkey

Holy shit, this is really sad, I had no idea

During his seven-year run at Saturday Night Live, Chris Kattan established himself as one of the most purely physical performers on the show’s bench, whether embodying the raw sensuality of Mango, the shit-flinging monkey-man-ness of Mr. Peepers, or whatever you want to call what he was doing as one of the Night At

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04 May 01:41

Save on Sheets, Towels, Pillows, and More With 20% Off Sitewide at Brooklinen

by Chelsea Stone on Kinja Deals, shared by Tercius to The A.V. Club
IKEA Monkey

OK Erin I know you said their cashmere sheets were no good buuuuuut I went ahead and sprung for the percale basic sheet set. We've been using like, the cheapest college dorm-style sheets since forever, idk, Corey's about to close on his first real estate deal so I was like YOU KNOW WHAT

It might be Brooklinen’s Birthday Event, but you’re the one getting the gift: For today only, save 20% sitewide at Brooklinen using promo code BDAY20. Our readers are big fans of the brand’s Luxe Sateen sheets, and their Classic Percale sheets won us over with their crisp, cool feel. So go ahead and load up on linens…

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04 May 00:40

A blind taste test to determine the best Mexican lager

by Kate Bernot on The Takeout, shared by Laura M. Browning to The A.V. Club
IKEA Monkey

In general, I am not a "beer person". That said, when it comes to beer, I prefer 2 kinds: Belgians, and Mexicans. This is extremely relevant to my interests.

I will say, while I agree about the critical assessment of Tecate, it was the cheapest Mexican beer I could buy at Vons and when you combined an ice-cold can of Tecate with a fresh juicy wedge of lime on a hot day, the combination was *chefs kiss* outstanding

Taste-testing Mexican lagers for Cinco De Mayo seemed cliché to me at first. But as much as I love a refreshing Mexican beer in the backyard on a hot day, I admit I’ve never sat down to blind taste the major brands side-by-side. Was my favorite empirically the best-tasting one out there?

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03 May 14:18

'Zero' risk of HIV transmission in gay men receiving treatment, study says

IKEA Monkey

This is so awesome. I am convinced and encouraged that we will see both a cure for and an end to transmissions of HIV/AIDS in my lifetime.

New evidence that anti-HIV drugs effectively eliminate the risk of gay men passing on the virus to their sexual partners has marked a fresh breakthrough in the fight to end the AIDS epidemic.
03 May 13:11

Burger King’s “Real Meals”—Wow, a lot to unpack there

by Allison Shoemaker on The Takeout, shared by Laura M. Browning to The A.V. Club

Burger King’s latest publicity gimmick is, like many a fast food stunt before it, a bit of a swipe at McDonald’s. And it’s possible to view it as that, and that alone. Real Meals, available starting today at select BK locations in Austin, Seattle, Miami, Los Angeles, and New York City, can be ordered in one of five…

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02 May 20:57

The Best Names Of The WHL Draft

by Barry Petchesky
IKEA Monkey

9 Carters

Oh, friends. It’s here. The day we’ve been waiting for; the first true sign of spring. The Western Hockey League Bantam Draft, for 14- and 15-year-olds. A window on what Canadians west of Ontario and Americans west of the Mississippi were naming their children in 2004.

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02 May 20:53

Norway’s Proposed New Passports Are Beautiful

by Jason Kottke
IKEA Monkey

omg that's so cool

Back in 2014, a design studio called Neue won a national competition to redesign the Norwegian passport. What they came up with is bold and beautiful.

Norway New Passport

Norwegian landscapes fill the visa pages:

Norway New Passport

And if you shine a UV light on them, you can see the aurora borealis:

Norway New Passport

The landscapes surrounding us give a sense of belonging and pride, and fill a symbolic function for the entire nation. Images of scenery and landscape can easily become cliches, but by being widely accepted and deeply rooted in Norwegian culture, they are also very easy to identify with. In addition, to Norwegians, nature is more than beautiful scenery. It supplies us with rich fisheries, clean hydroelectric power, and various other industries.

I don’t think this new design has launched though…beyond a flurry of press about the competition back in 2014, I couldn’t find any evidence of the new design in the wild. (via dense discovery)

Tags: design   Norway
01 May 18:36

Here's The Name Of The Year Final Four

by Sam Gutelle
IKEA Monkey

ITS ABOUT TIME

In 1985, Belgian psychologist Jozef Nuttin published a landmark study in which he revealed that people have a general preference for the letters in their own names over the other letters in the alphabet. The idea is that the sight of those letters provides a temporary self-esteem boost that affects affect. Nuttin…

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01 May 17:34

The satire is spicy in this pitch-perfect "Hot Ones" parody

by Dan Neilan on News, shared by Dan Neilan to The A.V. Club

We’ve written about the Hot Ones series from First We Feast numerous times and, while each celebrity guest might have their own favorite explicative to throw out while chowing down on spicy chicken wings, the videos all pretty much hit the same beats. The guest acts nervous, host Sean Evans throws out some bizarrely…

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01 May 16:36

Alex Trebek: I’m ‘Fighting Through’ My Cancer Battle But Am Having ‘Surges Of Deep, Deep Sadness’

by Stacey Ritzen
IKEA Monkey

I'm not crying, you're crying

Beloved Jeopardy host Alex Trebek stopped by Good Morning America on Wednesday to provide an update on his health, after having been diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer earlier this year. Despite ups and downs, Trebek has filmed 50 episodes since his diagnosis, but plans to rest and recuperate over the summer months before returning for season 36 in September.

Despite the seriousness of his condition, Trebek opened up on his cancer battle with his trademark combination of candid honesty and sense of humor. “My oncologist tells me I’m doing well, even though I don’t always feel it,” he told host Robin Roberts, who herself is also a cancer survivor:

I’ve had kidney stones, I’ve had ruptured discs so I’m used to dealing with pain, but what I’m not used to dealing with is the surges that come on suddenly of deep, deep sadness, and it brings tears to my eyes. I’ve discovered in this whole episode, ladies and gentleman, that I’m a bit of a wuss, but I’m fighting through it — my platelets, my blood counts are steady, my weight is steady, the numbers that are cancer indicators, those are coming down. So, I’ve got another chemo next week and we’ll do a review to find out where things stand.”

Chemo affects people in different ways, and people have to understand that. There’s nothing wrong with saying, ‘Hey, I’m really depressed today and I have no idea why. Why am I crying?'”

On a lighter note, Trebek also took a moment to discuss James Holzhauer, the latest Jeopardy sensation who recently hit the $1 million mark in the shortest span ever in the game’s history. Trebek admitted that he’s just as excited as the rest of America watching the 34-year-old gambler lay waste to competition night after night. So much so that the phenomenon has forced him to “change a view” that he had held for many years.

“And that is that the Ken Jennings record would never be broken,” Trebek admitted of Holzhauer, who has now won 74 consecutive games. “But I look at James and I say, ‘Oh my gosh, look at what he’s doing.'”

Near the end of the interview, Roberts steered the conversation back to the subject of Trebek, who gave a heartfelt answer about how much the outpouring of support has meant to him, when asked what he’s learned him himself since his diagnosis.

“I think I’ve learned that I’m an extremely lucky individual. Because in spite of the fact that this diagnosis is not a good one, I have managed to receive so much love from so many people, and quite often you don’t get that during your lifetime,” he told Roberts. “After you’re passed, after you’re dead, people will say, ‘He was such a nice guy, we really liked him,’ but I’m getting all that before that event. So it makes me feel really, really good.”

01 May 15:48

If it please it court: Watch Jussie Smollett in an Obama White House video

by John Kass
IKEA Monkey

This is a REAL reach of a take

In Chicago we have a saying: We don’t want nobody nobody sent.

But Jussie Smollett isn’t a nobody, is he?

He’s a somebody. And I’ve just seen an Obama White House video — in which Smollett gets a big shoutout from then-President Barack Obama — to prove it.

So, if it please the court, I’d like to...

01 May 15:42

NASA chief warns meteors are a threat to the planet

IKEA Monkey

Sure. Fine. Whatever.

NASA Administrator Jim Bridenstine this week warned that meteors are a threat to the planet.
01 May 01:32

Fox renews Empire for season 6, but Jussie Smollett probably won't be back

by Sam Barsanti on News, shared by Sam Barsanti to The A.V. Club
IKEA Monkey

I mean... probably??

The most recent season of Fox’s Empire was largely overshadowed by the real life of star Jussie Smollett, who claimed that he had been the victim of a racist and homophobic assault, was then accused of lying about the attack, and then had all charges against him dropped by the Chicago police in a confusing and…

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01 May 00:25

So How Was Your Day?

by Katie McDonough on The Slot, shared by Katie McDonough to Jezebel
IKEA Monkey

Shitty. My day was shitty.

It’s Tuesday. Cry time already. Comes earlier every year!

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01 May 00:21

BAZAAR Daily Finds: Wednesday

by Sarah Lyon
IKEA Monkey

That sofa is staring at me

Olive Velvet Sofa – $3200 – Vintage Sofa Frame newly reupholstered in a gorgeous olive velvet fabric with new foam padding. READ MORE...
30 Apr 23:47

Your Afternoon Chat: What Are You Evangelizing To Everyone Now?

by Jessica
IKEA Monkey

BARRY. Its on HBO after GoT. This last week's episode was one of the most INSANE things I've ever seen on TV. Erin I'd have to rewatch to see if its safe but otherwise I recommend it to anyone if you like completely BONKERS dark comedy where Bill Hader - the very, very, geniusely funny Bill Hader - largely plays the "straight man" character while everyone else around him is increasingly ridiculous. It is very funny and the side characters are all so good (NoHo Hank has my heart FOREVER) and its made me realize what a great actor, not just comedian, Bill Hader is.

Music! TV shows! Face masks! Snacks! LAY IT ON US.
30 Apr 21:43

Uh Oh, Mayor Pete! Jacob Wohl Has A Rake, And He's Gonna Step On It!

by Evan Hurst
IKEA Monkey

How has Jacob Wohl not been sued into oblivious/placed in jail yet



We don't know how to tell you this, but the world's most unfuckable Trump supporter, Jacob Wohl, and his partner-in-dumbass Jack Burkman, are not yet in prison. But they're still up to their same old hijinks, and they're working just about as well as all their other hijinks!

When we last left young Jacob, he was bragging to USA Today about his genius plan to use fake Twitter accounts to manipulate the 2020 election. Twitter responded by perma-banning him, because of how he was openly discussing violating their terms of service in the newspaper.

But don't think the Twitter ban has stopped young Jacob in his tracks, because that is FAKE NEWS. While it's scientifically true that, due to his lack of access to Twitter, Wohl no longer technically exists, he still was able to come up with a really stupid plan to derail the candidacy of Pete Buttigieg, a plan that looks a hell of a lot like his failed plan to derail the Robert Mueller investigation, when he and a fake "intelligence company" called Surefire Intelligence (which was actually just his mom's cell phone) tried to get a woman to come forward as a fake sexual assault accuser against Mueller. One of the best parts of that story was how it kept falling apart while Wohl was telling it, to the point that literally nobody outside a QAnon chatroom ever believed it for one second. And that is one of the best parts of this story too!

The scam here was that Wohl and Burkman were going to find young gay Republican men and try to lure them into their van so they could promise them fame and riches, if they'd only make up fake sexual assault stories about Pete Buttigieg. (Because these guys are so high on their own supply, they actually believe there is not only a teeming market for people making fake sexual assault allegations, but they ALSO believe that when people make those fake sexual assault allegations, they immediately become rich and famous and live glamorously forever after. The Daily Beast, which broke this story, reports that they literally told one of the guys they approached to just look what happened to Christine Blasey Ford, one of the women Brett Kavanaugh allegedly sexually assaulted, and how she got rich and famous and lived glamorously ever after. No, really, they believe all this.)

The Daily Beast reports on two men Wohl and Burkman tried to pull into their illegal dipshit scheme, one of whom wants to remain anonymous for obvious reasons. The other one's name is public because Wohl and Burkman -- apparently without consulting the guy -- wrote and published a Medium post in his name, alleging sexual assault by Buttigieg. When the dude woke up and saw what was happening, and that right-wing paste-eating dumbfuck websites like The Gateway Pundit were running with the story, he freaked out and published a long Facebook post explaining that no, Pete Buttigieg did NOT sexually assault him, thus exposing Wohl's and Burkman's latest stupid scam.


Let's Start With Hunter Kelly!

Here's how the Daily Beast sets up his tale:

On Monday, a separate individual using the name of Hunter Kelly published a post on the site Medium in which he alleged that Buttigieg sexually assaulted him in February. That post was tweeted out by David Wohl, Jacob's father, and quickly re-written by the site Big League Politics, which is known as a landing ground for right-wing conspiracy theories.

David Wohl, that embarrassing collection of allegedly human cellular material! The Medium post is now gone, and so is David Wohl's tweet, but the internet lasts forever, fuckers:

You know, if we were David Wohl and we were the person guilty of sperming Jacob Wohl into existence, we'd have our balls removed and call it preventive medicine, you know, just to make sure this never happens again. BUT WE DIGRESS.

When the Daily Beast reached out to the real Hunter Kelly, who goes to college in Michigan, he confirmed what was happening, and that the Medium post (and also a newly created Twitter account purporting to be him) in actuality had nothing to do with him. Then he got on Facebook and tried to clear the record, starting out with the words, "I WAS NOT SEXUALLY ASSAULTED." He continued:

It's important for everyone to know that I was not sexually assaulted and would never falsely accuse anyone.
To keep it brief for now - I was approached by a political figure to come to DC to discuss political situations from the standpoint of a gay Republican. When I arrived they discussed Peter Buttigieg and started talking about how they would be working a campaign against him.

I went to bed and woke up to a fake Twitter @RealHunterKelly and an article that I in no way endorsed or wrote.
I have since left and am working on a formal statement to give to everyone including the Buttigieg family.
Thank you for standing behind me and knowing that I would never accept or allow any of this.

Good lord.

Anyway, this all happened really fast. They flew Kelly to DC to discuss this, picked him up at the airport in the wee hours of Monday morning, and by yesterday, Wohl and Burkman had completely gone public with a bullshit lie Kelly says he never agreed to. And the story took off! Kelly woke up, he says, around 11 in the morning, and immediately was thrown into the flames, to the point that he had to have his sister and her husband come get him.

As The Advocate notes, as this shit started to fall apart in real time (like all Wohl's activities seem to, imagine what sex with the man would be like, just kidding, don't imagine that, ew gross), all the other idiots who had been running with the story, including Wohl's stupidass dad, started deleting their tweets and whatnot. But not Jack Burkman! Guess he thought this one still had a few hours left of gas in it.

Give it up, you fucking loser.

We will note, though, that the alleged statement about what Pete Buttigieg absolutely did not do to Hunter Kelly tells a remarkably similar story to the fake accuser story about Robert Mueller absolutely not sexually assaulting a young woman in New York City.

In the fake Robert Mueller story, it was the St. Regis Hotel in New York. Robert Mueller was in DC at the time, with a full security detail. Oh well, TEACH THE CONTROVERSY.

Do these dipshits have a Fake Sexual Assault Mad Libs just sitting around their dank basement circle jerk chamber? Are they that uncreative?

Kelly went on record with The Advocate about the photo and the affidavit:

"They basically forced me to sign that and take that photo," Kelly told The Advocate shortly after this tweet. "I had no say in either. In the photo you can clearly see I had been crying."

Jesus Christ. Can somebody get a restraining order requiring Jack Burkman and Jacob Wohl to remain at least one mile from all humans at all times? It's for the world's safety.

And Then There's The Anonymous Guy, Who Shall Remain Anonymous!

Here's the Daily Beast's set-up on the anonymous source:

A Republican source told The Daily Beast that lobbyist Jack Burkman and internet troll Jacob Wohl approached him last week to try to convince him to falsely accuse Buttigieg, the mayor of South Bend, Indiana, of engaging him sexually while he was too drunk to consent.

The source who spoke to The Daily Beast said Burkman and Wohl made clear that their goal was to kneecap Buttigieg's momentum in the 2020 presidential race. The man asked to remain anonymous out of a concern that the resulting publicity might imperil his employment, and because he said Wohl and Burkman have a reputation for vindictiveness.

That guy? Taped his meeting in DC with Burkman and Wohl and provided it to the Daily Beast, which has verified it.

This guy is a gay Trump supporter who tells of a meeting in DC with Burkman and Wohl, who were pretending to be "Matt Teller" and "Bill." Just Bill. When you're as famous as Jacob Wohl, you don't need a fake last name to go with your fake first name, we guess. The guy taped it all because he recognized that "Bill" was actually world's stupidest most unfuckable dickcheese loser Jacob Wohl.

It sounds like their set-up here was just about the same as it was with Hunter Kelly, which is just about the same as it was with Carolyne Cass, who was to be the alleged Mueller accuser, except for how she backed away from that one slowly and pulled out of their planned press conference. They promised the boy he would one day grow up to be rich and famous, like noted famous rich lady Christine Blasey Ford:

When the source expressed reluctance, they assured him the scheme would make him wealthy, famous, and a star in Republican politics. Wohl cited the national recognition given to Christine Blasey Ford after she accused Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh of sexual assault during his confirmation hearings last year.

The Daily Beast says Burkman and Wohl told the guy that if only he would agree to be a fake Pete Buttigieg victim, then all the other real victims would come forward, or we guess maybe they might also be fake victims, who just wanted to be Beyoncé Lady Gaga Christine Blasey Ford-type mega-stars. And they were very clear that they were just doing this to hurt Buttigieg, because they were pretty sure Buttigieg was going to win the Democratic nomination. (NOTE TO ALL DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY CANDIDATES: Assuming they stay out of prison, these numbfucks will almost certainly be coming for you, and yes, it will be exactly as stupid as this.)

Anyway, the source was like "fuck off." SO THEN, like a Cutco rep, Jacob Wohl asked for referrals:

Wohl followed up with a phone call a day or two later to see if he could recommend friends or associates who might be a good fit to play the victim in the hoax.

And this is where we get to the part about the fake "intelligence company," because all good Jacob Wohl stories have those. Last time it was "Surefire Intelligence," and it was really Jacob Wohl's mom's cell phone. This time it was "Potomac Intelligence," and we don't know whose cell phone it was. The Daily Beast has the whole rundown, but it was the same shit with the same fake LinkedIn pages and the same fake employees. (Jack Burkman was one! Excuse us, we mean PETE TELLER!) And of course, when the Daily Beast came-a-callin', all their shit just magically got disappeared from the internet and their phones no longer worked. (To be fair, it's possible Jacob Wohl's mom just didn't pay her bill.)

But Wait There's More! (We're Sorry)

BUT WHY IS THERE MORE? Dammit!

Anyway, so as we noted, when this all started yesterday, the usual suspects, like Gateway Pundit, where Jacob Wohl used to write sometimes, just fuckin' ran with it. Of course, Jim Hoft had to retract it in record time. This is what his post looks like now:

But as Playboy reporter Alex Thomas astutely noticed, and because Jim Hoft is the Stupidest Man On The Internet, he didn't update the slug that accompanies the story on Twitter. Thomas suggests that maybe this is how Hoft and the others were planning on framing the story from here on out:

Was it a progressive mob ... FROM A HIPSTER COFFEE SHOP?

Conserva-gay pundit Guy Benson updates with some news he's heard:

Good Christ, we're going to find out Jacob Wohl had a fake Grindr at CPAC recruiting guys for this, aren't we? (And that he still didn't get laid, probably.) (ALLEGEDLY.)

Truly, this is all par for the course for Jacob Wohl, who first became halfway infamous as the world's youngest hedge fund fraudster, who recently ran around Minneapolis with world's saddest person Laura Loomer claiming they had evidence that Rep. Ilhan Omar had married her own brother in a citizenship scam, and who during the fall-out he experienced in real time from that rake-stepping disaster, decided it would be a good idea to fake a bunch of death threats, which he proceeded to GIVE TO THE COPS, which is (factcheck) a crime.

And this stuff he's trying to do to Pete Buttigieg? Also likely involves crimes. Just like that thing where he tried to FRAME THE SPECIAL COUNSEL WITH FAKE SEXUAL ASSAULT ALLEGATIONS.

As the Daily Beast notes, Wohl's fake "Surefire Intelligence" is reportedly being investigated by the FBI, so we guess it's safe to assume "Potomac Intelligence" will soon be added to that list, as it obviously should be.

BUT HOW IN THE HELL ARE THESE DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS NOT IN PRISON ALREADY?

That is what we would like to know.

[Daily Beast / Facebook / The Advocate]

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

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