IKEA Monkey

A wedding in Punta Gorda, Florida unraveled into chaos when maid of honor Amanda Willis, 23, “drank almost a whole entire bottle of Fireball” within the first hour of the reception and turned drunk and violent.

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There is so much going on right now, such an absolute shitpile deluge of absurdities rolling in from Washington, that it’s almost possible to overlook the fact that 13 Democratic senators either misread or completely disregarded overwhelming national sentiment and voted against an amendment that would have lowered…

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Trump Unveils Exclusive Double Platinum–Level Press Room For Only Select Few Journalists

NEW YORK—Describing the ornately decorated 3,000-square-foot space as “the height of luxury,” President-elect Donald Trump officially unveiled a new Double Platinum–Level White House press room Thursday, which he said will be made available to only a select few journalists. “Located mere steps from the West Wing, this magnificent, invitation-only press suite will cater to the every need of a hand-selected group of the most esteemed reporters as they cover my presidency,” said Trump, adding that individual Italian oak writing desks, ambient light from overhead chandeliers, and a bank of 12 plush seats providing unimpeded views of the lectern would help make journalists feel comfortable and relaxed while they report on the executive branch. “Not only will the members of this prestigious group enjoy complimentary sparkling wine and valet parking, but they will also receive private access to my administration that no one else in the press corps will be able to enjoy. It is truly the most beautiful and most exclusive press room that Washington has ever seen.” Trump also confirmed plans to convert the James S. Brady Press Briefing Room into a high-end spa and sauna available only to members of the Trump Double-Platinum Press Club.

Late one Friday afternoon last September, a well-dressed man in an Audi wheeled into the alley off Damen in Ukranian Village on Chicago’s West Side and up to his garage. As I watched standing in the alleyway, he seemed a mixture of bemused and impatient—he’d have to wait to park.

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For the first time, a bee species in the continental United States has been declared endangered by the US Fish and Wildlife Service.

Attention, please: THESE WAFFLE FRIES ARE ACTUALLY DEEP-FRIED MASHED POTATOES. 📷 +📍: @giantchicago #BestRest2016 http://ift.tt/2i4xA9Q

Report: More Women Quitting Their Jobs To Pursue Lying Face Down On The Floor

Christopher Wilkins was convicted of killing two people in 2005 after being tricked into paying $20 for a rock disguised as a chunk of crack cocaine.

If you love receipts—in the Whitney Houston “I wanna see the receipts”-for-my-alleged-$730,000 drug bill sense of the word (which others just call “proof”)—well, has Page Six got a story for you. Last week, Married to the Mob clothing line boss Leah McSweeney called SNL’s Michael Che “so arrogant and so rude and…

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By my count, three good things have happened this year: 1) Moonlight won Best Picture (Drama) at the Golden Globes, 2) I found $5 in the pocket of a coat I hadn’t worn since last winter, and 3) Fargo co-stars Kirsten Dunst and Jesse Plemons got engaged.

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The president-elect tweeted that 'Russia has never tried to use leverage over me. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH RUSSIA - NO DEALS, NO LOANS, NO NOTHING!'

clickholeofficial:

Yowch! Watch This Man Get Hit Right In The Balls

The Upshot recently conducted a survey about 29 gun control ideas and graphed the results based on the popularity of the ideas with the American public and their potential effectiveness according to experts.

Oh, shit like this makes me SO ANGRY. I didn’t even include the bottom part of the graph because there’s nothing down there. That’s right, the majority of Americans support all sorts of different gun control tactics, especially those likely to be most effective. But a focused and organized minority of gun nuts has somehow made it impossible for any reform to happen, so things like Newtown and Orlando and Charleston and San Bernardino and Aurora and toddlers killing people with guns will just continue to happen all over the nation like it’s completely fucking normal.

Tags: guns   politics   USA

On Tuesday, John Cena was once again back in a co-host chair for the non-Kathy and Hoda portion of Today. As usually happens when Cena appears on Today, the 15-time world champion ended up dancing. This time, his dance partner was former SNL star and Portlandia co-creator Fred Armisen, which is definitely what you expected to see when you woke up this morning.

While talking about Portlandia, Armisen shared his understandable concern that the hunks are taking over all facets of entertainment, including dance and theater. And, I mean, John Cena was right there in the co-host seat to prove his point. After some good-natured banter, Cena and Armisen agreed to attempt to settle their differences via the only legal and socially acceptable form of duel: the dance-off.

Sadly, Armisen appears to half-ass (perhaps even quarter-ass) his own attempt at the dance-off, but the battle was still deemed a draw. It’s time to take a stand on dance-offs, everyone. There must be a winner. It should be treated like Thunderdome. If we can’t hold the dance-off sacred, is anything?

And one last thing, while we’re talking about Today: did you know that Today is four hours long? Four hours, every single day. Really puts Raw in perspective, doesn’t it? Of course, maybe we’d watch Raw for four hours every day if Michael Cole and Corey Graves worked their way through a bottle of white wine on-air during the third hour. Write to your local congressperson and see if there’s some way we can make that happen.

Rupert Murdoch just lost one of Fox News Channel's biggest stars -- but saved tens of millions of dollars.

Mitch McConnell Probably Regrets This Letter He Sent 8 Years Ago

Are you so pumped for the official arrival of 2017 awards season, in which fancy people don fancy things and try not to smudge shit in front of 30,000 cameras? Us, too! The Golden Globes is, of course, always the best because there is drinking allowed, so who better to host than your mans Jimmy Fallon? Let’s see what…

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Her janelle sais quoi is in full effect.

Martin Shkreli has been suspended from Twitter. The penalty comes after Shkreli continually harassed the journalist Lauren Duca using the social media platform.

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It was an up and down weekend for La Kidman.

She is one with the Force.

Tom Hiddleston, a fine actor whose life split like in Sliding Doors the day he consented to that jetty photoshoot kissing Taylor Swift, won the Golden Globe award for best actor in a dramatic series Sunday. He graciously accepted the award on behalf of the real heroes out there—the war doctors who binge-watched him…

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McDonald's is running a nationwide deal to promote their McCafe drink platform by offering any-sized hot drip coffee for $1 and any small McCafe latte or other hot specialty beverage for $2 for a limited time at participating locations.

Hot specialty McCafe drinks include mochas, lattes, and hot chocolate.

There's also a loyalty "punch card" available on the McDonald's app where you can get any size McCafe drink for free after you buy any five McCafe beverage.

While the pricing special might be new nationwide, it was running regionally in some areas since, at least, last year (since late fall here in Southern California).

Photo via McDonald's.