Matt.weiland

Pizza Hut

If you’re a child of the 80s and 90s and you currently have a weak heart from drinking too much Crystal Pepsi while eating Airheads, you might want to sit down for this incredible news that involves one of the greatest toys ever made. In the smartest decision since the company decided to inject its pizza crust with cheese, Pizza Hut has teamed up with Paramount Pictures and Synn Labs to create an actual pizza-throwing cannon that will arrive at San Diego Comic-Con to help promote the upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot, which hits theaters on August 8.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, the vehicle, which was sold as an awesome accessory to the TMNT action figures that ruled most of our childhoods, measures 9-feet wide and 12-feet tall, and it has a 16-foot cannon that fans will actually be able to use to fire fake pizzas at foot soldiers. This is without a doubt the coolest cross-promotional idea to hit Comic-Con since that time that Warner Bros. teamed up with Roche to give us Man of Steel Rohypnol that helped us forget Superman Returns.

Via WBNS

It sounds like a terrible joke reserved for a Saturday Night Live sketch after the second musical performance, but the plight of the straight white male seems to be real. Ohio’s WBNS has delivered the news of an event that may actually be giving a voice to the so-called disenfranchised majority. Someone has been posting flyers around the city of Clintonville advertising the “Straight White Guy Festival” on September 20, and the residents are simply… indifferent, actually.

WBNS’s Paul Aker hit the streets to get to the bottom of this bizarre event, and while he said that it looks like a hoax, it still made for some good man on the street questions and answers. A representative of a local organization that supports same sex marriage claimed that the flyer isn’t funny or helpful to their cause, but other people didn’t see anything wrong with it. I agree with the guy with the nose piercing, though, that if people want to have a festival, let ‘em have a festival. Festivals are fun!

Via Twitter

WEEI/NESN personality Kirk Minihane apologized on-air today for calling Erin Andrews a "gutless bitch ," only to immediately follow it up with the assertion that "if she weighed 15 pounds more, she'd be a waitress at Perkins."

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After selfies at funerals and selfies with homeless people, it seemed like the potential for teens taking horrible self-shot photos had finally bottomed out. But that was before someone took a smiling selfie at Auschwitz Concentration Camp, a site where one million Jews (at a conservative estimate) were experimented on and executed, and then punctuated it with a cheerful emoji, because 2014.

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FXX picked up the “exclusive cable and VOD rights” to The Simpsons for $750 million back in November. In April, the network announced it would be marathoning all 522 episodes in order over 12 days this August to kick off the festivities. We thought that was the big deal. That was not the big deal. This is the big deal: The website they’re setting up to accompany it, “Simpsons World,” is going to kill us all. From the press release:

“Simpsons World” will offer a unique and personalized Simpsons experience for both casual and super fans by allowing users to interact with premium content in unprecedented ways. For the first time ever, all authenticated viewers will have instant and on-demand access to every single Simpsons episode ever, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week via SimpsonsWorld.com, and FXNOW apps for iPhone, iPad, Xbox One, Xbox 360, Android phones and tablets, Smart TVs, and additional set-tops devices.

Additional exclusive offerings include new ways to explore Springfield’s characters and locations, the ability for users to curate their own personalized playlists and share their favorite show clips and quotes.

Okay, fine. But that was written by a PR flack at FXX. Of course it sounds promising. What say you, jaded and cynical television critics who got a first glimpse of it at the TCAs a few minutes ago?

Simpsons World launches in October. Get your affairs in order. You will never get anything done ever again.

The latest installment in the Fine Bros. hugely popular Kids React series focuses on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. This is notable because, as we saw before when someone unearthed the Turtles live appearance on a 1990 episode of Oprah, kids generally have some really good opinions about these characters. (Sample quotes from the Oprah episode: “I like when they fight”; “Where are your weapons?”; and “If you don’t have your weapons today, how can you fight somebody?” Magical.) This doesn’t quite live up to that — how could anything, really? — but there are a couple notable moments. Shoutout to Lucas, Age 6, who loves Leonardo and dancing more than most of you love your own family.

Oh, and also shoutout Dylan, who at just 12 years old has already acquired black-rimmed glasses and a film student’s ambivalence about Michael Bay, which he happily discusses while watching the trailer for the new TMNT movie. He’s like some sort of Internet prodigy. I have no doubt he’ll be my boss in five years.

gpoy

Walt Disney Animation Studios has released the first full-length trailer for its upcoming film, Big Hero 6 (November 7, 2014), which you can find embedded below. At the 1:15 mark, you might even notice a familiar face Frozen to the police department billboard. In addition to Hans, Bolt also makes a brief tiny appearance in one of the photo frames on the police desk.

With all the heart and humor audiences expect from Walt Disney Animation Studios, Big Hero 6 is an action-packed comedy adventure about robotics prodigy Hiro Hamada, who learns to harness his genius — thanks to his brilliant brother Tadashi and their like-minded friends: adrenaline junkie Go Go Tamago, neatnik Wasabi, chemistry whiz Honey Lemon and fanboy Fred. When a devastating turn of events catapults them into the midst of a dangerous plot unfolding in the streets of San Fransokyo, Hiro turns to his closest companion — a cutting-edge robot named Baymax — and transforms the group into a band of high-tech heroes determined to solve the mystery.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3biFxZIJOQ

Big Hero 6 features the vocal talents of Alan Tudyk, Damon Wayans Jr, Daniel Henney, Genesis Rodriguez, James Cromwell, Jamie Chung, Maya Rudolph, Ryan Potter, Scott Adsit and TJ Miller.

Obama reacts as he is greeted by a man wearing a horse-head as he walked the streets of downtown Denver. pic.twitter.com/QNqnXKzwzm

— Doug Mills (@dougmillsnyt) July 9, 2014

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We get wanting a candid shot of your idols in the Seleçao, but Jesus, girls, not on the side of the road like that! Those cars are moving pretty fast!

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Bajillion-selling author J.K. Rowling has been hard at work in her Harry Potter universe this year, scripting the upcoming Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, but her best-known characters have remained on the shelf since the series concluded. Until last night, that is, when Rowling returned to Harry, Ron, and Hermione, now in their 30s, in a new story on her Pottermore website.

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Gerard Butler wakes up in his beautiful Los Angeles home. "It's Disneyland day!" he shouts, hopping out of bed in socked feet. "I can't wait to call my lucky lady, Carmella Casinelli, a TV producer, and get this show on the rooooaa—!" Ah, in his excitement, he slips on a tie and bonks his head. "Oh, Ger," he laughs.

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If you were watching MSNBC's Way Too Early yesterday morning, for some reason, you may have noticed that the network's news ticker appeared to have been hijacked by someone who, despite a prodigious vocabulary, was making absolutely no sense.

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Here's a hidden gem from this year's edition of MLB The Show—spotted by our old buddy Owen Good—that players can unlock by holding onto the ball on the mound and leaving the game unpaused for more than 30 seconds.

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Getty Image

The anger the newly-thin Adam Richman used to take out on hamburgers? He’s now directed it toward random women online. About a week ago, the Man vs. Food host posted a self-serving selfie to Instagram, captioning it, “Had ordered this suit from a Saville Row tailor over a year ago. Think I’m gonna need to take it in a little…#Victory #EyesOnThePrize #AnythingIsPossible #fitness #transformation #thinspiration.” xoJane contributor Amber Sarah took umbrage to that final hashtag, and a friend of hers explained to Richman the meaning of the fake-word. Richman’s response: “DILLIGAF,” which is not the name of a quadruple-decker sandwich he used to eat, but rather, “Do I look like I give a f*ck?”

And we’re off.

I also posted a comment on Adam’s Instagram about how the term was problematic, but it was ignored, so I made a post about Adam’s “DILLIGAF” comment on my personal Instagram, and asked my followers to “tell him that eating disorders are not a joke and nothing to take lightly.” My followers did just that, but I didn’t for one second predict the vitriol that followed. (Via)

Richman fired back:

INSTAGRAM

Boy that escalated quickly. Richman shouldn’t have to apologize for using the hashtag “thinspiration,” because I don’t think he meant it in a EVERYONE SHOULD LOOK LIKE THE MACHINIST way, but he also shouldn’t have, well, you read what he wrote. Or continued, “Grab a razor blade and draw a bath. I doubt anyone will miss you.” Dick, meet bag. Richman was supposed to launch a new show, Man Finds Food, but when Travel Channel took note of the online brouhaha, they were like thanks but not thanks.

The show, featuring Richman uncovering “delicious hidden food treasures” across the country, was supposed to debut on July 2. Then the channel suddenly announced it would be postponed with no details about a later date. (Via)

Richman has since apologized, twice (“I’ve long struggled with my body image and have worked very hard to achieve a healthy weight. I’m incredibly sorry to everyone I’ve hurt”), but for now, his Food is nowhere to be found. (It’s probably in the last place you look: behind the radiator.)

Via Washington Post

Judge Judith Sheindlin on her worst day is smarter than you on your best, but even so she apparently had never heard of Grindr before a Judge Judy case involving two men who had met on the app that aired yesterday. And even though Sheindlin wears her luddite status as proudly as that doily around her neck, she cut right through the bullshit and sussed out what men actually use it for.

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A hungry young bear fell through a skylight into a kid's birthday party on Wednesday and ate all the cupcakes. This happened in Alaska, obviously.

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PBS

Show of hands, who made it through season four of Downton Abbey? I really liked the first three seasons, but after Dummy McDumberson’s dumb death at the very end of season three and a fourth season that was an exercise in rapey tedium*, I don’t know if I can bring myself to tune into season five. And I know I’m not the only one. In addition to several friends of mine who have kept up with the series thus far and have expressed similar feelings — hell, even one of the stars of Downton Abbey itself admits that that show stinks.**

This just-released teaser, however, is hoping to change our minds. As Mr. Carson voiceovers:

I feel … A shaking of the ground I stand on. The nature of life is not permanence, but flux.

Things are changing.

Hmmmmm.

I think I might know what this is about. Dinosaurs, right? Dinosaurs are coming to Downton Abbey. Well sheeeeeeit, why didn’t you just say so in the first place? Signed and cosigned, I’m aboard.

Getty / Original

PBS / Getty / Original

And just like that, they suck me back in.

*I am not saying that anything about rape is tedious. But if any show managed to make something both rapey and tedious at the same time? Congratulations, season four of Downton Abbey.

**GOTCHA AGAIN, SUCKAS!

We haven't run a Virgilbag in quite a while, but some excellent Virgil stories popped up on a Reddit thread earlier today. The best one is a saga involving our Wrestlemania XXX-bound protagonist staying in a hotel with Virgil—and much, much more—but go check out other anecdotes over there.

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Last night: #Conan talks #USA and #Germany. #WorldCup2014 (at CONAN)

Man, Supreme Courting has really taken its toll on Roberts. Unless...

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As you may have heard, an American exchange student living in Germany recently got stuck inside a giant sculpture of a vagina, this further enhancing the reputation of Americans abroad. Last night on AC 360, Anderson Cooper just couldn’t help himself.

“Look, I am certainly no expert on the topic of…vaginas” Cooper said giggling. “Artistic or otherwise. They really aren’t in my wheelhouse, so to speak. But I know enough to know that you’re not supposed to go in feet first, alright there fella?”

USA USA USA!!!

Via Reddit

I’m easing you in with the cropped preview above because I’m concerned showing everyone the full True Detective season one bootleg cover will blow your collective butts off and I’ll become liable for the damages. What I’m trying to say is the cover alone is “Amazing Perform, Full Frontal Action” (Chicago Sun Times, still got it) and you need to be prepared.

Deep breaths. Ready? Here we go…

Via Reddit

BAM. The only three letters for this.

I’m just sorry I don’t have more backstory from the Redditor who brought it to True Detective fans’ attention. Where did they find it and who was the mastermind behind it? Here’s what we do know:

• That’s McConaughey’s head superimposed over Brad Pitt’s body from the Killing Them Softly promo still.
• The 2 Discs are apparently HD DVD.
• That’s the Las Vegas Eiffel Tower — and not the older, tackier one — in the backdrop.
• Same goes for The Sphinx.
• The Phoenix image origin.
• ‘Splosions.
• Still unclear about where Woody’s forearm came from.
• If you touch darkness then darkness touches you.

I choose to believe USA Today, The Boston Herald, and The Toronto Star are giving this DVD cover — and not the first season of True Detective — four stars.

Via r/TrueDetective

There is a giant, marble vagina on the grounds of Germany's Tubingen University Institute of Microbiology. If you are an American exchange student and someone dares you to climb into said vagina, you should not take that dare. You will get stuck. And then someone will have to call the fire department saying that you are "stuck in a stone vulva." That would be really embarrassing for you.

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