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17 Sep 14:08

Nocturnal Jester Creepy Even For Britain

by Alex Balk
by Alex Balk

Don't be afraid, the clown's afraid too"A sinister looking clown has been stalking the streets at night in a town north of London, becoming an online sensation and sparking a hunt for the person behind the mask…. While the clown looks terrifying, so far it has only been spotted waving creepily at residents and standing on street corners holding a bunch of balloons and sometimes a teddy bear."
—It's the teddy bear part that really does it for me. Maybe it's the "at night" part. Anyway, this being the world in which we live now, "The clown's Facebook page has more than 21,000 likes and users have posted numerous photos of it lurking around the town." [Via]

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The post Nocturnal Jester Creepy Even For Britain appeared first on The Awl.

16 Sep 18:24

New figures from Forbes show that the Waltons of Wal-Mart, the world's greediest family, are now col

by Hamilton Nolan

New figures from Forbes show that the Waltons of Wal-Mart, the world's greediest family, are now collectively worth $145 billion, a gain of more than $40 billion since last year. Wal-Mart continues to fight against unions and living wage proposals.

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16 Sep 16:50

Subway Honors The Onion's 'Offensive' 9/11 Coupon

by Neetzan Zimmerman

Subway Honors The Onion's 'Offensive' 9/11 Coupon

Though many companies sure gave it their best shot, none could surpass the truly outstanding tactlessness of The Onion's fake 9/11 coupon advertising a special "Subtember 11th" deal of 2 Subway footlong subs for $9.11.

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16 Sep 16:48

Dread Ample

by Alex Balk
by Alex Balk

"Something is happening that I never could have imagined: a metropolitan life with a level of dread that is subsiding. Some people say they’re worried that a life without dread will lose its savor. I tell my students and people I know not to worry. If they just scrutinize their lives, they will find grounds for more than enough dread to keep them awake."
—Marshall Berman was 72.

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16 Sep 13:42

If your kid develops language skills at an early age, chances are he’ll also develop drinking skills

by Lacey Donohue

If your kid develops language skills at an early age, chances are he’ll also develop drinking skills at a much earlier age. Or so says the latest study that correlates early intellectual development with heavier drinking habits.

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16 Sep 13:41

Desire paths

by Deathalicious
A desire path ... can be a path created as a consequence of foot or bicycle traffic. The path usually represents the shortest or most easily navigated route between an origin and destination. The width of the path and its erosion are indicators of the amount of use the path receives. Desire paths emerge as shortcuts where constructed ways take a circuitous route, or have gaps, or are lacking entirely.

More pictures available in the Desire Paths group.
16 Sep 01:08

One Weird Trick to Control Your Boyfriend's Mind (the Trick Is Pouring Juice in His Dickhole)

by Toni Nagy
by Toni Nagy

Want to hear a secret? It’s a good one. Some might call it epic.

You know how, as women, we are constantly being reminded to enhance our appearance and increase our sex appeal so men will be attracted to us? How millions of straight women spend billions of dollars on clothes and beauty products to peacock around for some guy burping at the bar? How long has it been since you’ve really thought about how much time we spend waxing, manicuring, preening, primping, sometimes resorting to surgery, and wearing undergarments that treat our buttcheeks like teeth with corn stuck in them?

If you’re doing this to entrance the menfolk, will you believe me when I say you’re completely wasting your time? We already possess the key to attraction, and the door is located in the hoo-ha.

The vagina is a sorceress concocting magical potions; the hormones our pleasure box produces have a power that is being tragically overlooked. I recently watched “The Science of Sex Appeal,” a documentary explaining the influence that copulins—vaginally secreted hormones—have on men. Here I learned about one fascinating experiment, in which scientists created synthetic copulins for men to inhale.

Yes, really. Isn’t it nice to think that science took the time to both fabricate and administer cooch scent through a gas mask into the faces of male guinea pigs? I think it’s pretty nice. For one brief moment, balance was achieved in this universe.

So: while inhaling the fragrance of a woman’s front bottom, the male subjects were shown photographs of women with varying degrees of conventional beauty and asked to rate their attractiveness. The findings were remarkable. While huffing even the synthetic scent of clam dish, men were unable to discern or rank women’s beauty.

In other words, everyone’s sexy when a man’s wafting on twat.

How is it possible that this study wasn’t widely released, its results instantly becoming common knowledge among women? If ball sweat had these powers, men would not only be harnessing it and using it regularly, but also mass-producing it to yield high profit margins. It’s obviously high time I manufacture a fragrance called “L’eau de Snatch.” Smell like muff and you’ll be sure to attract men, should that be your goal.

And, it gets better. Not only does this particular scent enhance the perception of our beauty, copulins have actual mind control effects on the male brain. When a man is exposed to a woman’s copulins over time, she is eventually able to:

1) Change, remove, or insert memories
2) Tell the male what he sees, hears, feels, smells, tastes
3) Insert subconscious thoughts that will surface as male "ideas" or behavior later
4) Plant trigger words or actions that can cause thoughts, actions, or sensations in the male at later dates (days, weeks, even months)

Any man still reading this may be saying to himself, “What the F? Nothing is capable of turning me into that much of a zombie.” Women, you may be saying to yourself, “How might I go about doing this?”

Here’s how. The process is called “coupling.” A man has to be inside you, but not thrusting. You lie together like puzzle pieces, and:

While the penile duct is being opened, the vaginal walls begin secreting a much thicker fluid, thicker even than the fluid holding the penis in place. The fluid is chemically attracted to semen. In short, the fluid enters the penis, follows the semen down the shaft and directly into the gonads. This process can take as long as fifteen minutes, and requires that the vagina produce up to and exceeding 100 milliliters (a little less than half a cup) of this fluid in order to completely fill the penile shaft and gonads. This is over twenty times as much fluid as is ejaculated by the male during sexual intercourse.

Feel free to visualize this process. You’re welcome for the lovely picture of half a cup of fluid flowing down a guy’s pee-hole and nesting in his balls.

Perhaps you are thinking, “How do I get a guy to hang out inside me while also resisting the instinct to thrust back and forth?” Good question. You have two options.

The first is to be honest. Tell him what you are doing, make him a willing participant, and then go feed that unicorn.

The second is to be discreet and distracting. It takes time for your nectar to stream into him, so the fastest and most effective position is lady on top. My advice is to have sex but then don’t get off of him. Play it cool. Talk about upcoming global warfare, ask him to explain the rules of a sport you hate, or simply pretend to fall asleep because he was “that good.” [Ed. note: The Hairpin does not necessarily endorse the act of pouring vaginal secretion down someone's urethra to control their mind without their prior knowledge.]

After 15 minutes, the copulins have been released like a pack of wild dogs. They travel from his balls up to his hypothalamus. He is now fully susceptible.

Once a hypothalamus is flooded with copulins, the male brain is just sitting on idle, with only the bare minimum of thought process. In this state, the male is probably not thinking of anything at all, but any input from the female will become the male’s singular focus.

The implications are pretty wild. Under the influence, you can suggest acts for him to perform. I recommend staying within reach of his moral compass, but from there, the sky’s the limit. Testimonials are remarkable. Copulin-infused men not only comply with the requests of their women, but also do so happily. Men and women alike attest that “coupling” has genuinely improved their relationships.

While it’s fantastic on a micro level that men can became better partners, I can’t help but think of the bigger picture. Imagine if we get the wives, girlfriends and mistresses of male members of Congress to couple their way into some much-needed legislation getting passed in this country?

Are you ready to change the world?

 

Toni Nagy is a writer for Huffington Post, Salon, Alternet, Elephant Journal, Yoga Dork, Be You Yoga, and more. She has a blog where she chronicles her adventures with her 3-year old daughter.  Toni also writes many text messages, and responds to most emails.  

24 Comments
16 Sep 01:07

"Hi, welcome to Gloom City Cupcakes, how can we help you?"

by Kitteh
Ridiculous Indie Rock Band Photos

Although given there are some pics of well-known bands, I wouldn't call these all indie.
16 Sep 01:05

The Epicenter of Crime

by dubold
The Hunt's Donuts Story Hunt's Donuts was a thorn in the side of the police at the heart of a neighborhood that has always been a thorn in the side of the police. .

Hunt's stories are common to the Mission. They relate a history of Mission criminal ingenuity and straight-up ghetto know-how.

How you felt about Hunt's Donuts might reveal your position on the changing Mission District.

"Hunt's was a celebration of all that was undomesticated in the Mission," says novelist Peter Plate, who set much of his 2001 novel Angels of Catastrophe at Hunt's Donuts' scratched Formica tables, and has written 3 other novels set in the neighborhood. "It was lawless and you liked it that way."


At one point, A cop came in and ordered a coffee. The counter guy took advantage of this moment As the cop took his first sip, the counter guy declared "I'm going to the bathroom. You watch the place for a minute!" and quickly bounded out the door. The cops eyes bulged wide and he almost spit out his coffee, but it was too late. He was stuck. He looked warily around him at the huge crowd of wasted men that was already slowly advancing towards the refill pot. One after another, the men refilled their Styrofoam cups without paying, silently, while the cop surveyed the scene like he was watching a horror movie, maybe "Dawn of the Dead."
16 Sep 01:00

Holy shit!

by Gabrielle Bluestone

Holy shit! There's a pretty good chance your holy water is actually contaminated with fecal matter.

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15 Sep 14:42

Astronaut Neil Armstrong floats in his space suit in a pool of...



Astronaut Neil Armstrong floats in his space suit in a pool of water in 1967.Photograph by NASA

15 Sep 14:39

Delhi Rape: How India's Other Half Lives

by editors

On the lives of the men who gang-raped a woman on a Delhi bus last year, the life of their victim, and the people left out of India’s growing prosperity.

[Full Story]
15 Sep 14:38

The End of Kindness: Weev and the Cult of the Angry Young Man

by editors

The prevalence of online threats against women and why the people who make them go unpunished.

Greg Sandoval | The Verge | Sep 2013
[Full Story]
15 Sep 14:38

The Geeks on the Front Lines

by editors

The battle between government and industry for America’s best hackers.

[Full Story]
15 Sep 01:07

The Feynman Lectures on Physics

by Artw
Caltech and The Feynman Lectures Website are pleased to present this online edition of The Feynman Lectures on Physics. Now, anyone with internet access and a web browser can enjoy reading a high-quality up-to-date copy of Feynman's legendary lectures.
14 Sep 14:55

Are The Startup Fellas Hellbent On Destroying Education Even Literate?

by Maria Bustillos
by Maria Bustillos

School is neat.Lost in the maelstrom of sadness, confusion and malaise that marks our annual observance of September 11th was a Medium post by Udacity’s new Director of Mobile Engineering, one Oliver Cameron.

Here’s the opening paragraph of Cameron’s post, “The Story of Building an Education Startup“.

Most revolutionary companies aren’t born with the intent to change the world, yet there I was trying to do exactly that. I was on the verge of starting my third company, and I wanted to do something truly special. I listed all of the industries I thought I could have an impact in, and quickly became fixated on education. It’s a market that has the potential to impact billions of lives for the better. There are so many students failed by the system. “I can fix it”, I thought.

Oh is that right, because I don’t see how, I retorted as I read this eye-popping document, which only goes downhill from there. Seriously, how? Because that ain’t a paragraph, and these are not sentences.

To say nothing of the fact that education is not a market, I muttered, emerging from italics in cold rage.

Education is a public good. Not a market! Not a money-making opportunity for would-be privatizing Silicon Valley vampires.

It’s not Oliver Cameron’s fault that he appears to believe that he, a near-illiterate who chose education as the field he wanted to “fix” more or less by means of a dartboard, is remotely fit to attempt any such thing. This is the water we’re swimming in, where every industry, every social problem apparently exists merely to be “disrupted” by a bunch of over-funded clowns in Palo Alto. And I know that the Director of Mobile Engineering is not going to be in charge of designing course content at Udacity. But please allow me to register my absolute objection to giving this person one red cent of public money in order to help “fix” anything, unless someone wants to make him write on the chalkboard 576 times that possessive “its” has no apostrophe—”We started talking and I loved everything about the team and it’s vision”—in which case fine, or indeed, show me to the Kickstarter.

Okay, more Cameron! You won’t believe.

It’s clear that iPads are the future of personal computing, but are they going to be the difference between one generation being average and another being excellent? Perhaps the tools weren’t the problem. Could it be that the traditional classroom format itself is broken? I dove deeper [...]

Reinventing the classroom was now my aim [...] the ever-rising tuition fees in higher education meant there was an opportunity to serve those who simply couldn’t afford the costs. I dreamt up ideas for a new kind of school, one where the student was taught at a dynamic pace. Working from home would be encouraged, and the teachers would always be at hand to help whenever needed. The class content would be free, but the student would pay per-session whenever they needed help from the teacher. “I finally cracked it”, I thought.

Here is the perfect decoction of the emptiness, nay, the vacuum, at the center of Silicon Valley’s culture of “disruption.” Cameron doesn’t need to cite, or have even read, a single book about sociology, doesn’t need a degree in education, doesn’t have to have taught a single class himself in his whole life in order to believe in all sincerity that he understands “the real problem” with education, after “talking to many teachers.” Like so many of out tech savants, he appears to believe that just by applying his “truly special” gifts to any intractable difficulty, hey presto! Problem solved, plus also he will become rich, as a pleasing side-benefit. That this never, or scarcely ever, happens IRL in no way impedes the speeding train of their self-regard.

Cameron maintains his staunch self-confidence even after he realizes that there are big problems with his plans for an education-disruptin’ machine, to wit, a lot of deep-pocketed competition: “Companies like Udacity, Coursera, Udemy and more. I read up on pedagogy and classroom theory”—at last!—”in the hope I could compete with them. I saw the love and dedication they had put into their products, and I’m happy to admit that I was discouraged. Beating these companies, with their wealth of knowledge and experience, was going to be an incredibly hard task. Not one to be put off, I decided to go right ahead and compete.”

Sure, why not! “Compete”! Okay well, though, eventually he was persuaded to join one of his erstwhile “competitors” instead. He loved everything about the team and it’s vision!

Prior to this move, our hero was the founder of a Y Combinator outfit called Everyme, which has since pivoted into a company called Origami, which has taken a bit more than $5 million funding in the last two years. Origami is basically Path plus GroupMe but “for families.” How does it help families communicate? A post on their blog explains.

Right.

This is exactly how we are are in danger of wrecking our educational system, and so much else. Instead of taking pains to preserve what we have, and demanding that any cuts to funding or alterations in our practices, however minute, be subjected to the most rigorous resistance and interrogation, we’re unaccountably willing to risk enormous sums, often in public money, on “experiments” to “fix” what isn’t broken—on charter schools, MOOCs, and for-profit universities, for example, in the case of education—only to find that each time, these alleged improvements consist mainly of snake oil and charlatanism.

We might blame the culture of Silicon Valley, which appears to believe that “building an app” and throwing a few million dollars at it is always a good idea; or we might blame California Governor Jerry Brown, who’s already squandered some unclear amount of public money on Udacity classes in a disastrous pilot program at San Jose State, which began in January and was suspended in a matter of months. Brown is desperate for band-aids, however tiny, however hopelessly ineffectual, with which he may pretend to conceal the giant hemorrhaging gashes in the state budget (substantially caused by the quintupling of California’s prison population since 1980). Here is an idea for you, Governor Brown: legalize marijuana! No matter what the police and private prison lobbies say.

Why are actual educators, experts in the classroom, not at the forefront of education policymaking, where they should be? Why is it not the best profs who are being asked the question (and more to the point, being given the money to answer it, and with deeds, not business plans): “How shall we manage this system?”





Maria Bustillos is a journalist and critic in Los Angeles. Photo by Tiffany Bailey.

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13 Sep 16:21

Rent A Middle-Aged Man

by Mike Dang
by Mike Dang

In Japan, you can rent a middle-aged man (an “ossan”) to hang out with you or do your errands for about $10 an hour:

And not just regular old dudes, but 65 year-old former Japanese pro ballplayer Mikio Sendou (who was an All-Star in 1978!) and 46 year-old “fashion producer” Takanobu Nishimoto. Currently, there are only two ossan for rent.

The price sounds oddly low given the fact that it’s essentially a personal assistant-type job, and assistants are usually paid a salary. Also, I’m picturing a 65-year-old former baseball player doing my grocery shopping and it’s a pretty sad vision.

Photo: Ari Helminen

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13 Sep 16:21

How My Vice Spending Is Going

by Brendan O'Connor
by Brendan O'Connor

10. Booze is expensive. It’s easy to spend a lot of money on booze.

9. It’s also easy to spend a lot of money on cigarettes. This is a thing that I started doing recently, because I stopped spending money on booze. Full stop. No more booze. “You gotta die of something,” people say. “Stop smoking,” other people say. Who is correct? I do not know. We are all correct. We are all wrong.

8. The cigarettes that I smoke are expensive. $14.50 a pack. They are very hip cigarettes, I think, because they are additive-free. This sounds like it is a good thing. It is difficult to tell, because they are still poison-sticks that coat your lungs in death. But at least it’s natural death, you know? I remember seeing an ad for them in a magazine when I was in high school and misreading that as “addictive-free.” Do you think that is on purpose?

7. I should probably stop smoking.

6. Like seriously, $14.50?

5. But then again, I didn’t stop drinking because of ‘budgetary constraints.’

4. There are 20 cigarettes to a pack. Let’s say I smoke four a day, that’s five days to get through a pack. That’s an average of I don’t know, something in the order of $23—I dunno, that just seems like a good number—a week on a vice that is definitely not going to last particularly long because I also like to work out and the absurdity of smoking a cigarette after yoga is way too LOL for me to handle for much longer. Anyway, whatever it is, it’s WAY less than I was spending on booze.

3. I should still quit, though. I’ve only just started!

2. It sure is nice though to have a thing where you go stand outside with a group of people for 5-10 minutes away from the noise and confusion of wherever you were together

1. Especially if you are at a bar, which is a place that many people like to socialize, and which is sometimes not always the most fun place to be when you are trying to get and stay sober, but you still want to be with your friends and meet new people, and smoking offers both a reason to take a break by stepping outside for a few minutes and some other thing over which to bond with people, since you can’t do shots or buy people a round anymore. Well, I suppose you could, but you couldn’t partake in it. I dunno. We’ll always have coffee, I suppose.

 

Brendan O’Conner lives in New York.

19 Comments
13 Sep 14:41

And Now It's Dead

by Emma Carmichael
13 Sep 14:02

BlackBerry Still Relevant Somewhere

by Alex Balk
Ssouthmayd

i must see this

by Alex Balk

"Nigeria's film industry, popularly known as 'Nollywood', has also been producing a growing number of films with erotic themes, such as Bold 5 Babes, described as "an erotic comedy about a group of women with supernatural powers they use to seduce men and turn them into BlackBerry Bold 5 smartphones", and other titles like I Slept with my Boss's Wife and Strippers in Love."

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13 Sep 13:59

Mobile Savagery: China Meets An Unprepared World

by Abe Sauer
by Abe Sauer

pigs locusts

July 26th brought news items reporting two separate incidents of curious holiday gastronomy. First, tourists in the Paracel Islands posted pictures of a meal of Tridacna gigas—endangered giant clams. At the same time, vacationers in Greece snapped photos of themselves hoisting an extraordinarily rare "hexapus," only the second ever recorded, just before killing it and frying it in a nearby pub. Yet only one of these stories was largely used as evidence to feed an expansive and growing set of opinions about an entire nationality and culture.

Of all China's frighteningly fast advances, international travel is, in light of history, maybe its most stunning. Two decades ago, not only did most Chinese citizens have no means to get a passport, almost none had an inkling to want one. Today, state-run China Daily publishes photo galleries under the headline "一起去看世界十大奇观!"—"Together let's see the ten wonders of the world." Glossy, kilogram-heavy travel magazines, including—Condé Nast Traveler and Travel & Leisure—call out to passersby from China's streetside magazine stands. Samsonite's China sales grew by a fifth last year. After a half-century when the rest of the world did not encounter a single Chinese citizen on holiday, annual outbound Chinese travelers will soon number 100 million, if not this year, then likely the next.

And the world is having a hard time getting to know the Chinese.

"Why is it women from other countries can enter and leave a toilet in such a way that you hardly know they are there, but with Chinese women the toilet takes on the atmosphere of a country market?"

That's a question posed by Echo Wang in her new e-book, "Pigs on the Loose: Chinese Tour Groups." The 92-page manifesto boasts chapter titles one would be excused from mistaking for some kind of adorable children's series: "Pigs at Airports," "Pigs on the Plane," "Pigs in Restaurants," "Pigs in Toilets," "Pigs go Shopping," "Pigs on the Move" and, simply, "Tour Groups." The complaints range from the potentially legitimate—disregard for rules about smoking indoors—to the extraordinarily petty and seemingly universal—not leaving room for others to walk past while on escalators or "travelator" walkways.

Wang reserves special scorn, and a whole chapter, for "Pig Herders," her term for the tour guides integral to many Chinese tour groups where few speak English. These guides' importance has been noted, and nicknamed, before. In his wonderful 2011 report from a Chinese tour of Europe, the New Yorker’s China correspondent, Evan Osnos, called them "field marshals."

In a long online discussion, Wang explained to me that she started writing the book in 2011 while translating children's books for an Australian author. "When I discussed the problems I had encountered with Chinese tour groups during my travels he told me that it was no good complaining about it and that I should put my ideas in a book," she told me. "I have tried to make it clear in the book that the term applies to the behaviors, not the Chinese people."

"First Tour Group to USA from China" read the shirts of a group of about 250 that landed in Los Angeles on June 27. "Chinese tourists invade New York" read the New York Daily News headline a month later. This was the summer of 2008. That same summer, Hollywood greenlit a remake of 1984's "Red Dawn," with the Chinese as the modern-day invaders. (That movie, digitally altered to remove China and add North Korea, premiered in 2013, the same year Chinese travelers became the single largest per capita spending group in California.)

In 1983, the Chinese Government allowed the Chinese people to participate in organized journeys to Hong Kong to visit friends and relatives. Further relaxation in 1991 put Malaysia, Singapore and Thailand on the Chinese tourism map.

In 1997, China finally allowed outbound tourism. Until then, travel was restricted to business or foreign study, visas for either of which were legendarily difficult to obtain. (The plot of the recent number one Chinese film, American Dreams in China, turns on just such a 1990-era U.S. visa denial.) And though a trip to the U.S. or Europe was conceivably possible in 1997, in practical terms it was impossible for all but the few wildly rich or connected. But the dribble dribbled on. By 2000, Chinese were making 10 million overseas trips a year. In 2008, nations struck agreements with China to allow tour groups. By hanging responsibility for the return of all tourists back to operators, nations like America no longer had to fear handing over a tourist visa to a traveler who might not return to China. By 2012, outbound Chinese tourists numbered 83 million. By the end of 2013, that number could hit triple digits. In July, China's travel agencies reported tours to Russia were up 120% over 2012, with many other European packages already sold out despite price increases of up to 20%.

Like Echo Wang, many who complain about Chinese tourists want to make it clear that they are complaining not about Chinese people as a whole. Yet the preponderance of reporting on Chinese tourism—when it's not about bad behavior—is numbers, numbers, numbers. How much do they spend? (More per visitor than anyone else.) How many are there? (One hundred million and growing.) What's the growth rate? In this, reporting on Chinese tourism falls into the same trap as a lot of reporting on China, just breathless measurements. As Evan Osnos poetically put it in his last New Yorker dispatch from Beijing, "The complexities of individual lives blunt the impulse to impose a neat logic on them… To impose order on the changes, we seek refuge, of a kind, in statistics."

Absent a human element—absent individual life—statistics are neat and logical but also very, very threatening.

Ami Li wrote the South China Morning Post's story on the Chinese tourists eating the endangered clams. Li, a former New York City crime reporter and Reuters editor, has the distinction of writing quite possibly the most popular news piece in modern SCMP history: "Why are Chinese tourists so rude? A few insights." Since it was published on August 3, that post has remained in the top five most viewed stories on the newspaper's website. It shows no signs of leaving.

When asked about her coverage of Chinese conduct, Li echoed a surface observation that has become the standard when discussing China's great tourism boom. "I think the number of Chinese tourists has become so big now that they are so impossible to be ignored, and that’s a reason they‘ve become the centre of criticism," she wrote in an email. (Wang to me: "The sheer numbers of Chinese traveling is going to put these people in the spotlight.") Li says she does not know why the "Chinese acting badly" stories are perennially favorites at SCMP but the paper certainly finds them attractive. Maybe the apex of the form is SCMP's August 5 headline "How North Korea is coping with uncouth tourists from China."

Stories about Chinese tourists behaving badly like the SCMP's are popular, in part, because they offer confirmation of long-held beliefs about China and its culture as well as—thanks to comments sections—a place to share these beliefs. The comment sections of most such stories are filled with anti-Chinese invective, first-person nightmares and venting about the perceived socioeconomic threat posed by China and the neat, logical accounting it represents. In her book, Wang makes a point to include a lot of these personal anecdotes. For more like them, simply search the term "Chinese tour group" at Tripadvisor.com, sit back and drink in anecdotes of globalization in action. Tourists complain about encounters everywhere from Yogyakarta, Indonesia to Manassas, Virginia to Annecy, France to Christchurch, New Zealand to Nairobi, Kenya, where one traveler "had the misfortune of being on a bus packed with a Chinese tour group who shreaked [sic] and shouted loudly every time we saw an elephant."

The popularity of SCMP's pieces could be explained by the proximity of Mainland China to Hong Kong and the latter's recent tension over a perception, shared by many, that it's being overrun by the former. (A graphic 2012 newspaper ad warning of swarming "locusts" from the north did not help matters.)

But that does not explain why the same "conversation" is so popular a hemisphere away. Last month, writer Chris Bodenner penned a ditty at Andrew Sullivan's The Dish titled "Why Do Chinese Tourists Have Such A Bad Rep?" It turned into not a one, not a two, not a three, not a four, but a seven update series over the month, packed with exactly the same kind of Tripadvisor venting. In the final post on the topic, Bodenner concludes that "the perceived rudeness of Chinese tourists is a symptom of the PRC’s rapid ascension as a wealthy nation – a nation that now has the disposable income to enable a middle class to join the global tourism market in droves." The series, Bodenner adds with astounding temerity, is "in a way, is actually a tribute to China."

The Dish's intentions, like "Pigs" author Wang, may be a genuine attempt to start a conversation. But giving weight to the anecdotes of individuals, as historical precedents shows, generally turns any conversation about China or the Chinese into a stereotype echo chamber that probably only reinforces misunderstandings.

pigs book cover
After a frank question about it, Wang said that spitting is her issue du jour. "A writer in the ‘Lonely Planet’ once wrote how much disease and flu would vanish if Chinese stop this habit," she told me.

Spitting is a box to tick for China writers and reporters. At least two memoirs ("Pretty Woman Spitting: An American's Travels in China" by Leanna Adams and "Too Busy to Spit" by Scott Kelly") use spit in the title. It is easily the top complaint about Chinese society in the West and even within China itself, where Chinese who perceive themselves as cultured are almost harsher on the subject than foreigners. The elimination of spitting was a core target of the New Life Movement of Madame Chiang Kai-Shek (Soong Mei-ling), the Wellesleyan and Wesleyan-educated wife of the Generalissimo.(Echo Wang is herself a Chinese national.) When China's Vice-Premier, Wang Yang, acknowledged some "uncivilized behavior" by Chinese tourists in a May statement, the inclusion of spitting felt almost required by CCP law.

It's at the point in any spitting conversation that I usually point to the picture of Mao Zedong and Richard Nixon seated together, a spittoon front and center next to the Chairman's right foot.

"Spittoon Era Comes to End" read a headline from the Lewiston Morning Tribune; the story noted that the brass "cuspidors" had been removed from the Idaho county courthouse. "Spittoons remain, however, in courthouse offices where they are standard equipment, and in the district courtroom." The was June 17, 1951. The title of a June, 1967 Eugene-Register Guard column asked "How Do You Tell Children What Spittoons are For?" The Milwaukee Journal had a functioning spittoon in its newsroom until 1974, two years after the Nixon-Mao visit.

Last year, the Régie Autonome des Transports Parisiens, Paris' subway authority, felt forced to launch an expansive, zoology-themed public service campaign aimed at improving the civilité of residents. One of the messages was "don't spit everywhere"; the representative animal was an inconsiderate pig.

Yet the Chinese as "spitters" persists, in part, because many do still spit, but even more so because it's one of the only things people who have little experience with China know about the Chinese. That spitting is almost always mentioned in seemingly genuine, well-meaning discussions about Chinese culture—even by those who have no direct experience with Chinese culture and only know that the Chinese spit a lot from reading seemingly genuine, well-meaning discussions about Chinese culture—does not help matters.

A personal favorite, if imperfect, comparison is to global perception of the U.S. fashion trend of wearing pants so low one's underwear (and sometimes more) hangs out. Acceptable? In many places but not everywhere.1

While realizing room for improvement, and as self-critical as anyone, many Chinese are perplexed by the global reaction. They wonder why respect has not followed their acquisition, and redistribution, of wealth. It's possible that everyone involved in Europe's tourism industry now owes a chunk of his or her livelihood to China. Chinese buyers are responsible for a quarter of all Burberry sales and, like many other luxury brands, the clothing manufacturer could be in the tank without the Chinese desire for its products. And yet, as a New York Times story from Singapore all the way back in 2005 was already griping about, Chinese tourists spend too much money in too wrong a way. This perception of wallets without personality or humanity leads inevitably to wrong conclusions. Germany's National Tourist Board representatives recently referred to Chinese tourists as "our customers." An offensive, if subtle, comment that demonstrates the view that the tourism goals of the Chinese are crassly commercial and not of the spiritual variety prized in the West.

Except, Chinese tourists are also far too cheap. Earlier this year, a Chinese whistleblower at a five-star resort in the Maldives revealed that it was hotel policy to remove the hot water kettles from the rooms of Chinese guests to prevent them from making instant noodles (and in turn forcing them into the resort's restaurants). The Maldives resort industry—like numerous other sources, including The Dish's series—also accuse the Chinese of not tipping. (One of the most common complaints about the Chinese is that, failing to realize that workers are often intentionally underpaid, they do not tip—a mind-bending complaint that should rationally say more about a broken economic system than the ignorance of a foreign culture.)

Thousands of miles away, in the European travel industry, it's called "Sleep cheap. Travel Expensive." And it, like the Chinese themselves, are increasingly loathed by a region that resents its growing reliance on the China tour Euro. Wang's book, while not naming brand names, includes a few conversations with European hospitality providers who admit to an off-the-books policy of discriminating against Chinese tour groups.

These examples are more than believable thanks to some recent high-profile statements.

In 2011, luxury brand A.P.C. designer Jean Touitou told Hint Fashion Magazine that the Chinese were cultureless, and "the new fascists," adding that "You go to China and want to kill yourself." A year later, the head of fashion house Zadig & Voltaire said his new Paris boutique hotel "won’t be open to Chinese tourists." In the ensuing outrage, Zadig apologized and clarified that he had only meant it would be closed to Chinese tourists arriving in "busloads."

This kind of very real discrimination has created unhelpful tension and—maybe understandably—paranoia. In 2005, a Chinese tour group numbering nearly 300 staged a sit-in at Malaysia's Genting casino to protest pig caricatures on the group's meal tickets. The ticket illustration, explained management, was a way to differentiate pork eaters in the Muslim-dominated nation. Last winter, a Chinese passenger bumped off an overbooked United Airlines flight turned the slight into a major incident in China about discrimination. It's a theme China's media is growing hungrier to feed.

"We were troubled a little at dinner today by the conduct of an American, who talked very loudly and coarsely and laughed boisterously where all others were so quiet and well behaved," wrote Mark Twain in his 1869 travelogue "Innocents Abroad."

In an email conversation on Chinese tourist reputations, Evan Osnos specifically mentioned Twain's commentary on Americans as "the original loud, imposing tour groups." In 2011, Osnos wrote about the boom in Chinese tourism in the New Yorker piece, "The Grand Tour." (Subhed: “Europe on fifteen hundred yuan a day.") The Osnos story came just four months after a long Economist piece on the same subject: "A new Grand Tour."

Both pieces largely focused on Europe, both noted the economics of Chinese tourism and included quirky color about Chinese preferences. What's remarkable about Osnos' dispatch is that it was from inside a tour that he had joined from China, while The Economist’s—published without a byline, per the magazine's habit—was from a studied distance. The tones of the pieces could not be different. The Economist makes factual statements like "tourism is certainly not about discovering new food" and "excitement and acquisition are prized over pleasant, relaxing experiences". Only at the end does the author get around to a passing statement about how Europeans used to act similarly, and ultimately concludes with a backhanded compliment about China's "economic power." Osnos' grand tour ends on nearly the same topic—the morphing future of Chinese tourism toward solo travel—but it's about a world in which China is a cooperative "we" instead of the persistent, if better traveled, "them."

"I don't think Chinese travelers are really any worse than we were at a comparable stage in our national story," Osnos wrote me, adding that before Americans, Brits were "gawking at the Swiss, denouncing their espresso." Osnos said: "There was a deep sense of curiosity and aspiration that ran through everything we did. Were we subtle and urbane? No. But I don't think my American forebears were either."

"It sounds like a banal observation, but it's useful to remember just how close most of the Chinese population is to abject poverty and isolation: one generation or two, at the most," Osnos said. "Beyond the occasional oaf, most of the travelers who get attention abroad are simply novices…. The ostensible sins of its travelers abroad are rarely acts of commission; usually, it's just a lack of awareness, and the learning goes fast."

A century ago, American writers were noting how it was westerners who, to the Chinese, exemplified barbarous manners. "Few of them even knew how to enter a room or to drink a cup of tea or receive a card correctly. Every act betrayed their uncouthness. Their manners were abominable…." wrote westerner Carl Crow in his 1940 memoir of a life lived in China, "Foreign Devils in the Flowery Kingdom."

Crow wasn't the only one making the observation that the Chinese were impeccably mannered. A serialized story in the summer of 1900—appearing sometimes under the headline "The Heathen Chinee at Home"—noted that "the Chinese gentleman prides himself upon his ceremonious etiquette and the punctual observance of polite formalities" before it went on to describe the practice of foot binding. The piece, published during the anti-imperialist Boxer Rebellion, was meant, like most pieces about China from America's Imperial period in Asia, to dehumanize the Chinese.

In 1987, long after Crow was dead, I personally learned the concept of differing manners in China at the nation's first-ever Kentucky Fried Chicken, just off Tiananmen Square. After waiting in line for hours, my eyes probably wild with homesickness, I ordered and sat, with my brother, to eat a bucket of the colonel's secret recipe. Minutes later, I looked up to find the packed restaurant of Chinese, chopsticks and forks in suspended animation, watching in horror as my brother and I heartily tore apart legs and wings, smearing grease across our hands and cheeks in the process.

Much of the desire to change the international image of the Chinese traveler comes from the Chinese themselves. Wang's book is an often crudely argued example. But is "Pigs on the Loose" more insulting than Harvard Business School MBA Sara Jane Ho's Institute Sarita in Beijing? There, alongside Institute Sarita President Rebecca Li ("Li has two young children with her husband who is a member of the British aristocracy"), Ho teaches rich Chinese how to properly stir tea and pronounce "Louis Vuitton," amongst other necessary behaviors. Tuition is $16,000 for the 12-day course. It's enough to make a guy want to see someone spit a little bit.

"The people at the top of Chinese society look down on people below them," said Wang about Institute Sarita, dismissing it as "a money maker for the people involved." Wang would rather see "free courses on cultural awareness being funded and run at the level that makes them available for all the Chinese that sign up for a group tours." She thinks that compulsory attendance could even be a prerequisite for receiving a passport. Wang tells me that when she completes her MBA, she hopes to produce a public service video about tourist behavior. But she says she wants it to be humorous. "I see it as being in the Fawlty Towers, Monty Python and Benny Hill style of comedy," she said. She imagines the setup: "Opening shot is Chinese guy pissing on wall of famous building. He get kicked in the bum by very large aggressive westerner. Westerner points at the sign that says 'public toilet.' Policeman arrives. Handcuffs Chinese and takes him away. Maybe court scene with final shot being jail or fine."

I suggested it might be historically insensitive or at least counterproductive to show a western foreigner smacking around a Chinese person in a video that's meant to be engaging and instructive. Wei agreed. "Yes, you might have a point. Maybe it's a Chinese guy who kicks the urinating guy… and the policeman is a foreigner. Maybe Indian or African or European."

"Oddly enough, I actually think that today's China and the United States have more cultural DNA that unites them than divides them," Osnos told me. "Enormous countries that see themselves as the center of the world, a culture of striving, the superpower complex." Osnos' comment reminded me of the closing scene from an episode of "Mad Men"; after a relaxing picnic, Don Draper and family pack back into the sedan, an afternoon's worth of litter and garbage left in the bucolic countryside without a second thought. I'm not sure about others, but my immediate reaction to that scene was to think of China.

Noble savagery becomes simple savagery when the graceful spirituality of immobilizing poverty is replaced by middle-class incomes and Levi's. And there is no loathing quite like self-loathing, which is what we really see when we look at the Chinese.

In the end, whether Chinese people are out $16,000 at the Institute Sarita or $1.99 at Amazon.com, the bad news is that improved behavior is itself never going to win the Chinese acceptance overseas. The cultural clash with China's tourists is really the latest version of a much larger, ongoing clash of misunderstanding between East Asia and the west. A generation ago, the Japanese were criticized roundly, despite a reputation for faultless manners. (Ironically, the extent of Japanese manners became a source of criticism and jest.) That is, until the Japanese ceased to be an economic threat.

But Osnos sees hope in at least the China-U.S. relationship. "It's interesting to compare it to the relationship between America and its stalwart allies—say, Saudi Arabia, which has been a close ally for decades," he said. "How many Americans talk eagerly of studying Arabic and settling down in Riyadh?"

I want to agree with Osnos but cannot shake the heft of history. A November 23, 1938 AP story, about a party at the University of Michigan President Alexander Grant Ruthven's house, reported that a young Chinese student who had studied a book of etiquette in desperate hope of fitting in, said in response to being handed some tea, "Thank you sir or Madame as the case may be." In response, the guests all laughed at the young man.





1 Too much its own topic to go into length but worth noting is that perceptions of China in the West are not only poorly served by an obsession with big numbers but also how the only China stories ever relayed by popular blogs are of fantastic, grotesque or tragic Chinese incidents of birth defects, murder, backwardness or other misfortune. Sadly, even a few of the most popular blogs from China seem nearly completely and obsessively focused on painting Chinese people in the worst possible light.

A note: There are few early American reports about Chinese tourists largely because of the Chinese Exclusion Act, signed in 1882, strengthened in 1924, and finally weakened in 1943 with a statement from the U.S. Senate that the act was "not born of ill will toward the Chinese" but instead was "exclusively economic." The act was not fully repealed until 1965, a decade and a half into the People's Republic's half-century of restricted travel. The act itself addressed the illegality of Chinese immigration and naturalization but also made leisure trips to America prohibitive. As a result of the Chinese-only act, even Chinese of great financial means faced huge difficulties going to America. Congress officially approved an apology for the act in 2012. It's worth noting that Canada also had restrictions on Chinese immigrants and visitors.






Abe Sauer is the author of How to be: NORTH DAKOTA. He is currently working on a book about Chinese consumers.

4 Comments

The post Mobile Savagery: China Meets An Unprepared World appeared first on The Awl.

11 Sep 01:14

Watch a Teenager's Relationship Fall Apart Before Your Very Eyes [NSFW]

by Neetzan Zimmerman
Ssouthmayd

surprisingly charming

Kids these days with their whozits and their whatzits and their living their lives entirely online to the point where the overabundance of personal and private information made public becomes an impediment to communication and the forming of real, honest, and long-lasting relationships.

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11 Sep 00:54

NSA Broke Privacy Rules Because It Didn't Understand Its Own Program

by Cord Jefferson

NSA Broke Privacy Rules Because It Didn't Understand Its Own Program

The National Security Agency today acknowledged that it had for years violated privacy protections during searches of a database containing millions of people's phone records. Not to worry, though, because the breaches weren't malicious. They were simply a result of the fact that nobody at the NSA really knew what the fuck they were doing.

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10 Sep 21:34

You Know That Someone Somewhere Spent The Last Couple Weeks Working On A 9/11 Gift Guide

by Alex Balk
by Alex Balk

Ugh, every year the same question: "What am I going to get the kids for 9/11?" I mean, how many stuffed animal search and rescue German shepherds can you really give and still expect to be the cool cousin?

5 Comments

The post You Know That Someone Somewhere Spent The Last Couple Weeks Working On A 9/11 Gift Guide appeared first on The Awl.

10 Sep 21:33

Skip Breakfast Or Not, Your Ass Expands Either Way

by Alex Balk
by Alex Balk

"[N]ew research shows that despite the conventional weight-loss wisdom, the idea that eating breakfast helps you lose weight stems largely from misconstrued studies." Look, here's the deal: You're not going to lose weight. You're not a kid any more, and your body can barely get by doing what it's supposed to do now, particularly given the crap you put into it, let alone metabolize things the way it did when you were in your teens. You are just going to get fatter. Maybe if you go to the gym and eat right and get the correct amount of sleep you will shave off a couple of pounds, but all of that effort is extremely unpleasant and at your age a couple of pounds one way or the other don't make much of a difference, because when people look at you all they see is "old." Correction: they don't see anything, because you have passed the point where you are considered some kind of viable sex-doing target. So you're gonna gain weight. It is more or less inexorable. The good news is eventually you are going to die, and you won't believe how thin you'll get then.

2 Comments

The post Skip Breakfast Or Not, Your Ass Expands Either Way appeared first on The Awl.

10 Sep 21:33

Is This The NPR-est Headline Ever?

by Alex Balk
10 Sep 21:33

Pig Australian

by Alex Balk
10 Sep 16:02

Mice Found Nibbling Dementia Patient’s Face in Nursing Home

by Lacey Donohue
Ssouthmayd

this is my future

Mice Found Nibbling Dementia Patient’s Face in Nursing Home

A dementia patient in Canada is being treated for infection after a staff member at a long-term care facility found mice nibbling on her face. Due to the patient’s physical disabilities, she was unable to remove the mice herself.

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10 Sep 16:01

It Begins: Mutant, Six-Clawed Lobster Caught Near Massachusetts

by Neetzan Zimmerman

It Begins: Mutant, Six-Clawed Lobster Caught Near Massachusetts

A real-life kaiju, albeit a rather small one, was captured off the coast of Massachusetts last week in what is surely a sign of bigger monsters to come.

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10 Sep 09:17

#5348: but then i thought better

Ssouthmayd

i'm actually finding these funny today - what's wrong with me?