Shared posts

03 May 21:19

Shameless Questions

by Not Always Learning
High School | IL, USA

(My health class has just started our dreaded sex education unit. If it wasn’t already uncomfortable enough for most of the class, one of the students is known for being ditzy and loud. Here are just a few of the comments and questions she has brought up:)

Student: *talking about vasectomies* “So does the d*** get cut off?”

Student: *talking about erections* “Does the blood come out of him?”

Student: “I get all my information from Shameless. Is that not a reliable source?”

The post Shameless Questions appeared first on Funny & Interesting Student, Teacher, Parent, & Staff School Stories - Not Always Learning.

01 May 21:30

Spending Time With a Murderbot: All Systems Red by Martha Wells

by Liz Bourke

Martha Wells is an author for whom I’ve long had no small amount of respect and admiration. Her first novel, The Element of Fire, remains one of my favourites, as does Wheel of the Infinite, while Death of a Necromancer and her Fall of Île-Rien trilogy made deep impressions. In recent years, her Books of the Raksura have received their share of critical attention and acclaim. So when I heard that Wells was to be publishing at least two novellas with Tor.com Publishing in a new series called The Murderbot Diaries, you can be pretty sure I was interested.

All Systems Red is the first novella of those Murderbot Diaries, and it really doesn’t disappoint.

The narrator and main character of All Systems Red is a part-synthetic, part-organic intelligence, a “SecUnit” rented as part of a corporate package by a survey team. This SecUnit has hacked their protocols so that they are capable of independent thought and action, and refers to theirself as a murderbot—although they haven’t done much murdering, preferring instead to download and consume media like vids, books, plays, and music in order to keep entertained. Murderbot doesn’t like humans very much, and doesn’t enjoy interacting with them (if they were completely human, the reader would suspect them of having a form of social anxiety) but Murderbot has both a personality and a conscience. When things start going wrong—when the local fauna attempt to eat two of the surveyors, when it turns out that parts of the map the team has for the planet are incomplete, and then when a neighbouring survey mission stops responding to communications attempts—Murderbot is pretty unwilling, if at times reluctantly so, to let anything happen to their humans.

It transpires that there’s sabotage and conspiracy afoot. Conspiracy that kills people, and may kill all of Murderbot’s humans if they and the survey team can’t figure out how to stop people who both outnumber and outgun them.

The action-mystery-adventure element to All Systems Red is a lot of fun. Wells has a really tight grasp of tension and pacing, and a truly polished skill with turning a phrase. The language in All Systems Red draws no attention to itself, but Wells has a knack for making even unobtrusive prose slid into a vivid line that brings a whole paragraph to life.

But the real appeal of All Systems Red is the voice. The character of Murderbot, indifferent to and somewhat annoyed by things outside their area of interest, intensely human—and relatable—in their desire for continued existence and autonomy, and in the vaguely baffled, vaguely irritated way they react to the humans’ attempts to socialise with them, and treat them as a person. (The gallows-edge of graveyard humour only adds savour.)

The character of Murderbot is really compelling. (You may notice I am not calling them it. Murderbot isn’t a thing. Murderbot might not be a human, and might not have a name, but Murderbot is definitely a person.) The other characters are interesting, but we see them only through Murderbot’s perceptions—and Murderbot isn’t especially interested in most of them. But Murderbot? Murderbot isn’t interested in being told what they want, or what they ought to want. Murderbot’s determination on self-determination is the thematic and emotional core of this novella.

All Systems Red a really fun piece of science fiction adventure with compelling characters and great pacing. I really enjoyed it.

And I’m really looking forward to seeing what comes next.

All Systems Red is available May 2nd from Tor.com Publishing.

Liz Bourke is a cranky queer person who reads books. She holds a Ph.D in Classics from Trinity College, Dublin. Find her at her blog. Or her Twitter. She supports the work of the Irish Refugee Council and the Abortion Rights Campaign.

30 Apr 17:35

How to Get Your Roommate (or Partner) to Do More Chores

by Heather Yamada-Hosley

It’s just common sense that in order to keep peace in your household, chores should be split evenly between the people who live there. Whether you share chores with roommates, a partner, or both, this two prong approach will get them to do more chores without a fight.

Read more...

30 Apr 17:29

All the Passive Aggressive Stuff You Should Never Do in a Relationship

by Patrick Allan

Nobody enjoys being with someone who is always passive aggressive. If you’re not sure what that looks like, here’s an excellent, and funny, demonstration.

Read more...

26 Apr 21:58

Both Are Hard But One Is Harder

by Not Always Friendly
Outside | CA, USA

(I’m walking home when I trip and fall, the contents of my purse falling onto the sidewalk, including a couple of tampons. A man stops to help — no worries, I got the valuables up first! — and is gathering items.)

Man: *holding a tampon* “What’s this?”

Me: *a little embarrassed* “Oops! It’s a tampon.”

Man: “Huh?”

Me: “Y’know, for THAT time of the month?”

Man: “Oh… OH! Oh, sorry, I’m tired… Heh… Period, right… Can’t you just hold it? Hold the blood?”

Me: “What? That’d be awesome, but no.”

Man: *suddenly angry* “But you’ve had them for so long! Why can’t you control it by now?! Women are idiots if they can’t do that!”

Me: “Boners.”

Man: “What? What does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “You’ve had ’em since the dawn of time. Why can’t you control them?”

Man: “It… wait… ugh! F*** you, b****!”

Me: *starts to leave, having gathered contents of purse* “Ha! You wish.”

Man: “Can… can I still get your number?”

Me: “What the h*** is wrong with you?”

(I walked a little faster, and luckily, I never ran into him again. Honestly, the nerve and stupidity of some people amazes me.)

The post Both Are Hard But One Is Harder appeared first on Funny & Unusual Friend & Stranger Stories - Not Always Friendly.

25 Apr 21:54

They Better Not Go Pop

by Not Always Working
Office | Woburn, MA, USA

(My boss has just gone on paternity leave, so my coworkers and I are signing a card.)

Me: “Congrats on creating life! Have fun with the little one!”

(I then draw some balloons in the corner. Just as I’m handing the card to the next coworker, I notice something and snatch it back.)

Coworker: “What’s wrong?”

Me: *frantically adding smiley faces and hearts to the balloons* “Protip: don’t draw balloons on baby cards. They look way too much like sperm.”

The post They Better Not Go Pop appeared first on Bad customer service, stupid employees, bosses and co-workers - Not Always Working.

25 Apr 18:02

Welcome To ROCKS Operating System

by Not Always Working
Tech Support, Call Center | WV, USA

Coworker: *with the phone on mute* “Why are you working on a computer?! Stop. Go get a hammer, and break rocks into smaller rocks. Don’t do anything that involves technology!”

(Unmutes the phone.)

Coworker: “Yes, sir. I want you to click the button that says ‘open.'”

The post Welcome To ROCKS Operating System appeared first on Bad customer service, stupid employees, bosses and co-workers - Not Always Working.

23 Apr 11:55

Piers Anthony’s Xanth Novels to Become Feature Film and TV Series

by Stubby the Rocket

A Spell for Chameleon Xanth TV adaptation movie Piers Anthony

Westeros, Shannara, Fillory, Temerant… and now Xanth. According to Variety, Piers Anthony’s long-running fantasy saga set in the eponymous land of Xanth, filled with magicians and mythological creatures, may be joining the ranks of other fantasy series adapted for the big and/or small screens. Producer Steven Paul’s (Ghost in the Shell, Ghost Rider) SP Entertainment Group is launching development of the Xanth novels into both a feature film and a television series.

The Xanth series began in 1977 with A Spell for Chameleon, which established what to expect from the dozens of books that followed: A fantastical land where every inhabitant possesses some measure of “talent,” or magic… except for poor Bink, whose magic has not manifested. Exiled to Mundania, he must discover how to harness his magic; his journeys bring him into contact with a strange woman named Chameleon (who possesses beauty and intelligence in inversely shifting ways depending on the time of the month) and the evil magician Trent, who seeks to invade Xanth.

So—magic (or the consequences for lack thereof), spells, snarky humor, and, judging from the cover, a wicked-looking manticore. Anthony had originally planned the series as a trilogy, but fan demand spurred him on to write for the last forty years. The 41st novel, Ghost Writer in the Sky, will be published in April 2017.

Paul has not yet announced which book(s) would make up the film and which the TV series, nor if the structure will match the multimedia adaptations of Patrick Rothfuss’ The Kingkiller Chronicle or Stephen King’s The Dark Tower, with the main action happening in the film and supplementary stories branching off through the TV series. Variety reports that “plans are under way to announce creative talent as well as distribution and financing plans in connection with the project.”

via Blastr

21 Apr 23:43

New To The Wheel of Time? This Video Gives You the Basics in 60 Seconds

by Stubby the Rocket

Knife of Dreams Cover Art by Michael Komarck

Robert Jordan’s fantasy The Wheel of Time is coming to television! But for those for you who haven’t yet read the epic, getting up to speed with an adaptation of a 14-book series can be a daunting prospect. Luckily, IGN has distilled the central idea of WoT into a 60-second video, which makes for a solid platform for people to dive into the books, or the upcoming television show.

Check it out below!

[via IGN!]

 

 

 

 

21 Apr 23:35

Kottke's list of the web’s best hidden gems

by Mark Frauenfelder

Jason Kottke asked his readers to tell him "what were the best web sites that they knew about that most people have never heard of." I've been going through his curated list of the top 56. My favorite so far is Pink Trombone, a human voice synthesizer. While playing it, I felt my own throat moving to match the cartoon throat. Freaky!

21 Apr 15:56

Just Took A Ride On A 12-Inch

by Not Always Right
Record Store | Crawley, England, UK

(Back in the 1970s I worked behind the counter in a record store. The band Hawkwind has just released a special 12-inch single edition of their hit “Silver Machine.” A young lad comes in:)

Lad: *in an apologetic voice* “Um, I don’t mean to be personal, but, er, have you got, er, a twelve inch silver machine?”

Me: *laughter*

The post Just Took A Ride On A 12-Inch appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

20 Apr 23:18

Turns out Star Trek redshirts are not likeliest to die

by Andrea James

The Museum of Mathematics recently hosted James Grime's talk "Star Trek: The Math of Khan." He debunked a common stereotype about the show's security detail: redshirts are not the most likely crew to die. (more…)
11 Apr 21:09

Those Texts Are Coming Out Thick And Fast

by Not Always Romantic
Home | England, UK

(My friend sends me several messages in the night while I’m sleeping. In the morning I look through them.)

Friend: “I’m like a bumblebee. I have a sting that will leave you aching for hours, and my nectar is sweet.”

Friend: “I’m like Michelangelo’s David, buff and hard.”

Friend: “I want to be inside of you, cuddling into your neck and exploding.”

Friend: “Oh, f***! Sorry, these were meant for [Mutual Male Friend with similar name].”

Me: “So… did you just come out to me?”

Friend: “F***!”

The post Those Texts Are Coming Out Thick And Fast appeared first on Funny & Unusual Romantic & Love Stories - Not Always Romantic.

10 Apr 19:37

Well, That IS What E.T. Looks Like

by Not Always Learning
High School | UK

(In math, if we finish the main lesson early, we do a pub quiz. We are marking our answers. Question 1 was “What does E.T. stand for?”)

Boy #1: “Extra Testicle.”

Teacher: “What?”

Boy #1: “Extra Testicle.”

Boy #2: *looks over at [Boy #1]’s whiteboard* “He actually put Extra Testicle!”

Entire Class: *bursts into laughter*

The post Well, That IS What E.T. Looks Like appeared first on Funny & Interesting Student, Teacher, Parent, & Staff School Stories - Not Always Learning.

07 Apr 06:25

Inside Or Outside The Box: Not Thinking Period

by Not Always Right
Shipping Company | Indianapolis, IN, USA

Customer: “Hello, I’m calling to check on the shipment of an order. It was supposed to arrive here yesterday and we’ve been looking for it.”

Me: “No problem; let me check if it is delayed.”

(I check the system and it shows that the package delivered on time.)

Me: “Okay, I’m showing that this package delivered yesterday and was signed for by [Name]. Did you want to check with them?”

Customer: “Wait, that’s my name… Oh! That must be what this box is right here! I was wondering what this is. Thanks for your help!”

The post Inside Or Outside The Box: Not Thinking Period appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

02 Apr 17:34

‘Snsv’ Is Also The Sound My Brain Makes When This Happens

by Not Always Right
Electronics Repair, College & University | Wales, UK

(We work in a shop in a top educational establishment. I sometimes wonder how these people got into University.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to buy a charger for my laptop please.”

Me: “Certainly, what make is it?”

Customer: “It’s a snsv—” *pronounced snus uv* “—laptop.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Snsv.”

Me: “I’ve never heard of that brand before.”

Customer: “It’s definitely snsv. I have it here.”

(The customer brings out her laptop and places on the desk.)

Customer: “See, SNSV.”

(I instantly realise what’s gone on and turn the laptop the right way up.)

Me: “It’s an ASUS.”

Customer: “Oh.”

The post ‘Snsv’ Is Also The Sound My Brain Makes When This Happens appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

29 Mar 22:28

How “Tallyho!” is Not Always Applicable to Airship Battles

by Robyn Bennis

They say it’s not the fall that kills you—for Josette Dupre, the Corps’ first female airship captain, it might just be a bullet in the back.

And yet somehow author Robyn Bennis always finds a way to make that kind of situation funny.

Below is just one example from her forthcoming military fantasy adventure novel The Guns Above—out on May 2nd from Tor Books—which chronicles Dupre’s struggle to achieve victory despite her doubting crew, her untested airship, and the shameless Lord Bernat, a gambling flirt who is actively trying to undermine her command.

 

 

The crew adjusted the rigging, brought water and fire blankets forward, readied the bref guns, secured the small-arms racks to the rails, and loaded the rifles.

Bernat wondered if any of them questioned Dupre’s feeble pantomime of a brave captain, and suspected they didn’t. They hadn’t seen the real Dupre, hiding in the bow, fretting until she turned red. The crew, no doubt, thought she’d been planning this all along, that her hesitation was part of some elaborate stratagem. He would have to mention that in his letter. Perhaps he’d add something about “permitting the deceit and vanity natural to her sex to rule over her other faculties, such as they are.”

As he was contemplating this, the woman herself appeared before him and shoved a rifle into his hands. “Here. Make yourself useful and help the loader.”

Bernat looked at the crewman who was busy loading rifles, then at Josette. He was thoroughly confused.

She sighed and spoke very slowly. “Load this rifle, please.”

He took the rifle, but could only stare at it. “And how does one go about doing that?”

She narrowed her eyes. “You must be joking.”

“At the palace, we have someone to handle these sorts of trivialities.”

She snatched the rifle back. “If he can’t find any other utility, my lord will perhaps lower himself to firing a shot or two at the enemy?”

“That sounds delightful,” Bernat said. He didn’t relish the thought of going into battle, but it seemed he had no choice, so he might as well kill a few Vins while he was at it. It would, at least, give him something to brag about.

The ship drove on, gaining altitude so quickly the change caused a pain in his ears.

“Passing through five thousand,” Corporal Lupien said. Bernat was beginning to suspect the men and women of the signal corps simply enjoyed making pointless announcements.

Martel, posted along the forward rail of the hurricane deck, suddenly put his telescope to his eye and cried out, “Enemy sighted! Two points starboard at about four thousand.”

Bernat looked in the direction he was pointing and, by squinting, could barely see a speck in the sky. “Tallyho!” he cried. But when he looked about, only blank stares met his enthusiastic grin.

“Tally-what?” Martel asked.

“It’s what one says on a fox hunt, when the quarry is sighted.” His grin diminished. “You know, ‘tallyho!’ I thought everyone knew that.”

“Come to one hundred and twenty degrees on the compass,” Dupre said. The bitch was ignoring him.

Lupien made a few turns on the wheel. The ship came about, but not far enough to point directly at the enemy. Bernat asked Martel, “We aren’t going straight for them?”

“Cap’n wants to keep us between them and the sun,” he said, handing the telescope to Bernat. After a bit of fumbling, Bernat found the enemy ship in the glass.

He’d been expecting something smaller, perhaps some weathered little blimp covered in patches. But the thing Bernat saw through the telescope was an airship, comparable in size to Mistral and bristling with guns.

“She has a fierce broadside,” Bernat said.

“Three per side,” Martel said. “But they’re only swivel guns.”

“What a comfort,” Bernat said. When he looked into the telescope again, the ship was turning toward them. “They’ve seen us! They’re attacking!”

Martel snatched the telescope back and looked out. “No, no,” he said. “They’re only turning to keep near cloud cover, but the weather isn’t doing them any favors today.” Indeed, the mottled cloud cover had been shriveling up all afternoon. The cloud bank near which the enemy lingered was one of the largest in the sky, but only a few miles wide at that.

“Range?” Dupre asked. “I make it five miles.”

It seemed to Bernat that an hour or more had passed before Martel called the range at two miles. Consulting his pocket watch, however, he found that the elapsed time had only been four minutes.

Dupre nodded and ordered, “Crew to stations. Mr. Martel, please send a bird to Arle with the following message: ‘From Mistral: have engaged Vin scout over Durum.’ ”

Lieutenant Martel patted Bernat on the back, in a most uncomfortably familiar manner for a commoner. “Don’t worry, my lord. Everyone’s a little nervous, their first time.” He trotted up the companionway ladder and disappeared into the keel.

The gun crews stood in their places next to the cannons, except for Corne, who had found Bernat standing in his spot and didn’t know what to do about it. Bernat had sympathy, but not enough to move. If Corne wanted the spot so badly, he should have gotten there earlier. Martel came down carrying a pigeon. He released it over the rail, then went back up the companionway to take station aft.

They were on the outskirts of Durum now, passing over farmland and old, flooded quarries. The Vinzhalian ship hovered below and to the east, just beyond the old stone wall that surrounded the town. Just south of the town was Durum’s aerial signal base. Its airship shed was a pitiful little thing compared to Arle’s, but it was still the largest building in sight, and would have been the tallest if not for a rather excessive spire on the town’s pagoda, most likely added to keep the shed from being taller.

Bernat saw something fall from the enemy ship. He thought they must be bombing the town, until Kember said, “Scout dropping ballast! Sandbags… and now water. They’re turning away.” She put the telescope to her eye. “And they’ve released a bird. It’s heading east, toward Vinzhalia.”

“Range?”

“To the bird, sir?”

“To the scout ship, Ensign.”

“Over a mile, I’d say. A mile and a half. No, maybe less than that. A mile and a quarter. Maybe a little over a mile and a quarter.” Kember’s voice had a noticeable tremor in it.

“Thank you, Ensign,” Dupre said.

The girl winced. Bernat deigned to pat her on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. I have it on good authority that everyone’s nervous their first time.” They were close enough now that, even without a telescope, he could see a port opening in the tail of the enemy ship. It was suddenly lit by a brilliant light, from which emerged some small object, streaking toward them and trailing smoke. “Good God,” he screamed. “They’re shooting at us!” Only then did the shriek of the rocket reach his ears.

Behind him, Dupre sighed and said, “It would be more remarkable if they weren’t, Lord Hinkal.”

 

Look for more thrilling excerpts from The Guns Above!

gunsabove-medium-cover

28 Mar 06:23

Fantastic Tram Drivers And Where To Find Them

by Not Always Working
Public Transport | Melbourne, VIC, Australia

(I am part of a large crowd that has just finished watching a movie screened at an outdoor cinema in the city gardens. We all come piling out of the exits and about thirty of us head for the tram stop, my husband and I included. Shortly, the tram arrives, and somehow we all manage to squeeze on. The following are the tram driver’s announcements we then heard over the intercom, all delivered in a flat, deadpan voice.)

Tram Driver: “Those of you who are standing, please make sure you are grabbing on to something firm, so that you are not stumbling around grabbing on to something soft you didn’t mean to grab.”

(We get to the next stop. Cue some awkward shuffling around for new passengers.)

Tram Driver: *flatly* “There’s plenty of room.”

Tram Driver: “Although now would be a good time to exchange details with each other, to avoid future paternity tests.”

Tram Driver: “Those of you who are standing in the doorways, please do not get caught in the doors when they open or close. This tends to produce a loud screaming noise.”

Tram Driver: “Those of you who wanted a normal tram service should have gotten on any other tram but this one.”

(At one point, there is a lull and the passengers’ laughter dies down to usual quiet murmuring amongst themselves.)

Tram Driver: “You’ve all gone quiet.”

(Laughter again ensues.)

Tram Driver: “Those of you who need to get off at the Arts Precinct, or Southbank Promenade, next stop.”

(Pause.)

Tram Driver: “Please note, passengers: key stops are announced for you; however, if you wish to leave the tram please pull the cord, press the button, ask the driver, or say a prayer.”

(Another pause.)

Tram Driver: “I have to ask, where have you lot just come from?”

Passenger #1: “Moonlight cinema!”

Passenger #2:Fantastic Beasts! In the Botanic Gardens.”

Tram Driver: *dryly* “Ohhhh, that.”

(Another pause.)

Tram Driver: “Flinders St Station, next stop.”

Tram Driver: “At least one person has pulled the cord or pressed the button for the next stop. Could you lot please pass that person overhead to the doors?”

(Most of us, including my husband and me, got off there, and there was a small applause and some shouting of thanks for the tram driver. His face was completely deadpan when I passed the front of the tram and waved at him, but he waved back at me all the same. I can’t help wondering if he loved his job or hated it.)

The post Fantastic Tram Drivers And Where To Find Them appeared first on Bad customer service, stupid employees, bosses and co-workers - Not Always Working.

27 Mar 15:31

Glad They Nipped That One In The Bud, Part 2

by Not Always Right
Vet | Portland, OR, USA

(A client shows up for an appointment to remove ticks from her dog.)

Coworker: “How many ticks does he have and where are they?

Client: “Six that we’ve counted so far.”

Coworker: “Wow! That’s a lot. Where have you been lately?”

Client: “I know, it’s really weird. They’re on his belly and they’re all symmetrical.”

(The client starts to roll dog over to show us belly. Stunned silence follows.)

Coworker: “Nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple!”

Client: “But he’s a boy!”

Coworker: “You have nipples, don’t you, sir?”

Related:

Glad They Nipped That One In The Bud

The post Glad They Nipped That One In The Bud, Part 2 appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

25 Mar 18:10

Reorienting Your Butt

by Not Always Romantic
Hospital | QLD, Australia

(Hubby and I (female) are at the hospital having some routine testing done on my heart. We are in the waiting room and see a cardiologist leave his office and walk up the hallway away from us.)

Husband: *whispering* “He’s gay… You can tell by the way he moves his butt.”

Me: “…why are you looking at another guy’s butt?”

The post Reorienting Your Butt appeared first on Funny & Unusual Romantic & Love Stories - Not Always Romantic.

22 Mar 22:17

Color Pattern

♫ When the spacing is tight / And the difference is slight / That's a moiré ♫
22 Mar 22:10

This Gay Gets The Wrong Type Of ‘D’

by Not Always Related
Salon | UK

(I have taken my grandmother to the hairdressers and she is making chitchat with the hairdresser.)

Hairdresser: “So did you hear about [Name]? He’s come out as gay. He’s got a boyfriend and everything. He’s been keeping it all secret for years.”

Grandmother: “[My Name] was like that. Weren’t you, [My Name]?”

Hairdresser: “You’re gay, [My Name]? I never would have guessed!”

Me: “I’m not gay. I don’t know where you got that idea from.”

Grandmother: “Well, whatever that other thing you’ve got is.”

Me: “Diabetes?”

Grandmother: *scoffs* “Diabetes. There’s no such thing!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Yeah, that’s why I inject myself four times a day…”

(She went quiet for the rest of her haircut. My mum later told me she was trying to arrange an intervention because of my “drug habit.” I’ve had diabetes for most of my life, so I can’t understand why she doesn’t believe in it. She still thinks I’m gay, though, and now also a drug addict.)

The post This Gay Gets The Wrong Type Of ‘D’ appeared first on Funny & Unusual Family Stories - Not Always Related.

19 Mar 19:38

Pink Trombone is an online voice synthesizer with a difference

by Rob Beschizza

Neil Thapen's Pink Trombone is a voice simulator: instead of telling it what to say, you individually move the soft and fleshy parts of the mouth, tongue and throat. There's a lot of fun to be had moving around the circular purple tongue control and the bottom lip and hearing the machine sing.

https://twitter.com/pishtaq/status/843214889846018048

Spotted via Bennett Foddy, which made me think there should be a version controlled with the Q W O P letters, named "Qwopera." https://twitter.com/bfod/status/843222520677515264

17 Mar 17:11

Needs To Double Your Efforts In Math

by Not Always Friendly
Home | Geneva, Switzerland

(I’m at the 12th birthday party of a friend with my six-year-old son.)

Friend: “Hey, how old is your son now?”

Me: “He’s six. It’s easy; he’s half the age of the birthday girl”.

Another Mum: “Yes, for this year only, she’s twice his age”.

Friend: “No, no, it’ll happen again! When she’s 24, he’ll be 12!”

Me: “Uh, nope, he’ll be 18! Maths is not your thing, I think!”

The post Needs To Double Your Efforts In Math appeared first on Funny & Unusual Friend & Stranger Stories - Not Always Friendly.

12 Mar 19:36

I Am The Alpha And The Omega Of Inappropriateness

by Not Always Romantic
Home | Toronto, ON, Canada

Fiancée: “I hate that my professors don’t know their Greek letters. My aerospace engineering prof mixing up zeta and xi, and he keeps calling omega ‘W.’”

Me: “You mentioned he’s bad at explaining what he’s talking about. Could it be he’s discussing something else that’s actually ‘W?’”

Fiancée: “Nah, it’s the angular momentum formula, and angular momentum is always omega.”

Me: “Maybe he’s talking about wangular momentum?”

Fiancée: “Heh. That sounds kind of dirty, though.”

Me: “Oh, god, it does. ‘Today we’ll be studying helicopters!’”

(“Helicopter” is a euphemism for a guy swinging certain body parts in a circle.)

The post I Am The Alpha And The Omega Of Inappropriateness appeared first on Funny & Unusual Romantic & Love Stories - Not Always Romantic.

11 Mar 08:53

Is mathematics invented or discovered?

by Andrea James

One of the most interesting series ever is Closer To Truth, which "presents the world’s greatest thinkers exploring humanity’s deepest questions." For instance: is mathematics invented or discovered? (more…)

11 Mar 08:51

I Want You To Not Want Me

by Not Always Learning
High School | UK

(Our teacher supervising final-year study hall has been covering for the head teacher for a while as well as doing all her usual work. She’s been called out several times across the week to deal with various things. One day she’s about ten minutes late.)

Teacher: “Are you all getting on with stuff?”

(People nod and agree.)

Teacher: “Everyone reasonably quiet?”

(People nod and agree.)

Teacher: “Good. Well, I’ve just got to go and sort out a teacher who has locked herself in a cupboard and a first-year who seems to have gotten a violin bow stuck in the rafters. So if anybody wants me… try… not to want me.”

The post I Want You To Not Want Me appeared first on Funny & Interesting Student, Teacher, Parent, & Staff School Stories - Not Always Learning.

07 Mar 22:05

Seanan McGuire’s InCryptid Series Sweepstakes!

by Sweepstakes

Seanan McGuire's InCryptid series

The sixth book in Seanan McGuire’s InCryptid series, Magic for Nothing, is available now from DAW—and to celebrate, we want to send you a signed set of all six books in the series!

As the youngest of the three Price children, Antimony is used to people not expecting much from her. She’s been happy playing roller derby and hanging out with her cousins, leaving the globe-trotting to her older siblings while she stays at home and tries to decide what she wants to do with her life. She always knew that one day, things would have to change. She didn’t think they’d change so fast.

Annie’s expectations keep getting shattered. She didn’t expect Verity to declare war on the Covenant of St. George on live television. She didn’t expect the Covenant to take her sister’s threat seriously. And she definitely didn’t expect to be packed off to London to infiltrate the Covenant from the inside…but as the only Price in her generation without a strong resemblance to the rest of the family, she’s the perfect choice to play spy. They need to know what’s coming. Their lives may depend on it.

But Annie has some secrets of her own, like the fact that she’s started setting things on fire when she touches them, and has no idea how to control it. Now she’s headed halfway around the world, into the den of the enemy, where blowing her cover could get her killed. She’s pretty sure things can’t get much worse.

Antimony Price is about to learn just how wrong it’s possible for one cryptozoologist to be.

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06 Mar 23:25

Five methods to remove a stripped screw

by David Pescovitz

I probably strip 50-65% of screws that I install. (I know, I'm doing it wrong. For starters, I should step away from my power drill until I learn to be more delicate.) Until I break my bad habits, Mikesaurus's Instructables post "5 Ways to Remove a Stripped Screw" will come in handy. (I've long ago mastered the bonus sixth step: "Leave it.")

This rubber band method is surprisingly effective and doesn't require anything you may not have at home:

"If the screw isn't totally stripped the rubber band will help fill in the areas where the screw has been stripped and provide friction where it's needed, allowing the screw to be removed."
04 Mar 19:34

The 3 Rules of Living Animation

by Andrea James

Why does Who Framed Roger Rabbit seem so much more integrated with live action and animation than anything before it? "Bumping the lamp," slang that YouTuber kaptainkristian says originated from the film for animators who go above and beyond expectations. (more…)